Soul Joy: Ditch Burnout and Fall in Love with Life

Your Intuition Is Speaking. Are You Listening?

• Dr. Julie Merriman • Season 2 • Episode 17

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What if the most profound gift you could give your clients is something you struggle to give yourself? For those of us dedicated to helping others, there's a strange paradox at play: we excel at building trust with clients, yet often fail to extend that same unwavering trust to ourselves.

Unconditional self-trust isn't about blind confidence or ignoring feedback. Instead, it represents an unshakable belief in your capacity, judgment, intuition, and resilience—even when facing self-doubt, challenging outcomes, or professional setbacks. This episode examines why trust erosion happens specifically in helping professions, from the high-stakes nature of our work to the empathic overload we experience absorbing others' anxieties.

With refreshing honesty, Dr. Merriman shares her own moments of professional self-doubt and maps out six core components of unconditional self-trust: deep self-awareness, embodied wisdom and professional intuition, radical self-compassion, competence paired with continuous learning, boundary-setting, and inner validation. These elements create a foundation that transforms how we show up for ourselves and those we serve.

The episode offers practical strategies for building this inner fortress—from mindful self-check-ins and journaling to embodied practices that strengthen the mind-body connection. You'll learn why trusting yourself might be the most profound act of self-care available to helping professionals, creating both resilience against burnout and a more grounded presence for clients. Plus, access a downloadable worksheet designed to help you identify areas of self-doubt and actively cultivate stronger professional self-trust.

Ready to transform your relationship with yourself and enhance your impact as a helper? Subscribe, leave a review, and visit juliemerrimanphd.com to download the companion worksheet for this episode.

Speaker 1:

Hey y'all, I'm Dr Julie Merriman and welcome to SoulJoy. Today we're still exploring the third eye and diving into a topic that might feel paradoxical for those of us in the helping professions learning to trust yourself unconditionally. Y'all, this is a very necessary component of holistic, sustainable self-care, also known as wellness. All right, all right, welcome. Welcome. I appreciate you taking a hot minute out of your day to hang out with me. Let's see Home chat. Big news at the Merriman House. We got a new puppy named Clark and he is precious. So much joy. We now have four blue healers, ranging in lots of different ages, from 16 to now 12 weeks, but so much joy. It just makes me so happy to see all four of them playing together when I pull up and all four are so happy that we're home. So, anyway, kelly and I decided we were going to gift ourselves Clark for our 30th wedding anniversary and we are really enjoying him. So I highly recommend puppies. All right.

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Professional helpers. This podcast is dedicated to preventing and overcoming the occupational hazards of the career. We chose specifically burnout, compassion, fatigue and vicarious trauma. But, as I say each week, this podcast is for everyone. If you are a human, you have the capacity to experience those burnout or compassion, fatigue, vicarious trauma. So hopefully you'll find something here that is helpful.

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Okay, so those of us that have dedicated our lives to building trust with others being helpers, we build trust with our clients. We build trust with our patients, students, families, communities. We strive to create safe spaces where they can share their vulnerabilities, explore their truths, explore their truths and rely on our professional guidance. Yet many of us struggle to extend that same unwavering trust to ourselves. We battle imposter syndrome, we second-guess our instincts, we fear making mistakes and constantly seek external validation. I can remember a few years back I had a new client who really had some horrific trauma and I'm, you know, during intake, you're being present and building rapport and listening, and my imposter syndrome snuck in there and said to me man Merriman, this person needs a counselor. And you know I really had to shake myself and go woman, you are the counselor here, quit doubting yourself and plug in. I don't know if you have ever experienced that. I just want to normalize it. We are but human, right, we're human. We are but human, right, we're human.

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What does unconditional self-trust truly mean in our context? It's not about recklessness or ignoring critical feedback, because that is eminently important in our field Instead. Well, in any field, feedback is important, but instead it's an unwavering belief in your inherent capacity, your seasoned judgment, your honed intuition and your profound resilience. It's about cultivating an inner validation that isn't swayed by every challenging outcome, every difficult client or every moment of self-doubt. It's about trusting your process, your commitment to growth and your ability to navigate imperfection, because y'all, we are all perfectly imperfect souls. Perfection is not a state we live in. So why does self-trust often erode in the helping professions?

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I think there are numerous reasons and they're deeply understandable. So let's explore just a few. First, high stakes. Our work often involves profound impact on human lives.

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The gravity of this responsibility can lead to excessive self-scrutiny and fear of misstep. Then the complexity and ambiguity that's involved. There are rarely simple answers. We operate in gray areas and the lack of clear-cut solutions can fuel self-doubt. Then think about external scrutiny and accountability. We're often under the microscope of a supervisor or peer review or ethical guidelines, board rules and client outcomes. The pressure to be perfect can be immense. And back to we are perfectly imperfect. Then there's empathic overload. We absorb the anxieties, fears and doubts of those we serve. This can be. This can inadvertently amplify our own insecurities. If we're not well resourced and I'm hoping this podcast is a resource for you Then, as I mentioned earlier, imposter syndrome Despite qualifications and experience, many of us secretly fear we're not truly competent or we will eventually be found out.

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Then which is one reason for this podcast there's burnout and exhaustion. When our resources are depleted, our capacity for thinking and self-confidence naturally diminishes, making self-doubt much louder. So y'all these factors can create a cycle where we doubt ourselves. So we work harder to compensate, which leads to us becoming more exhausted and thus doubt ourselves even more. I mean, it's a vicious cycle. Breaking this cycle, y'all is possible by actively cultivating the components of unconditional self-trust. The components of unconditional self-trust. So I've got some components, some interventions here, but at the end of the podcast, as always, I've created an activity for you to address this as well. So let's look.

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Number one deep self-awareness. Right, I mean, that's part of the helping field. We get to be self-aware constantly. My therapist says an AFCO, another effing growth opportunity. Deep self-awareness, this is the bedrock. Unconditional self-trust isn't blind, y'all, it's informed. It means knowing your strengths, your biases, your triggers, your limitations. It's about being honest with yourself, about where you excel and where you still need to grow, because regardless of how long you've been in this field, there's always opportunities for growth. Trusting yourself means trusting your ability to know yourself.

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Okay, number two embodied wisdom and professional intuition. As we discussed in a previous episode, intuition in our field is often pattern recognition, informed by years of experience and learning. Learning to trust yourself unconditionally means distinguishing this genuine, informed intuition from anxiety or personal projections. So y'all it's about tuning into those subtle gut feelings that signal something important and then having the clarity to investigate them further. Remember, gut intuition. That's a real thing. As a counselor, I know that my craft is informed by art, which I believe is my gut intuition, how I deliver things, and science, which are the theories that I plug in. We have to hone that ability to trust our gut. We you know our serotonin. We have brain cells in our tummy. It's not all just in our head. There's a reason why this ancient thing called gut intuition came up. It's a real thing and the more we hone it, the more we trust it. It's embodied wisdom, wisdom, and it's that professional intuition that serves us so well, and it's that professional intuition that serves us so well.

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Next, there's radical self-compassion, y'all. This is perhaps the most unconditional part. This means treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding and patience that you extend to your clients, to your family, to your friends Hell, I would bet to strangers on the street. You need to be able to do this, especially when you make a mistake, face a setback or experience self-doubt. Instead of harsh criticism, it's about acknowledging the difficulty, learning from the experience and reaffirming your inherent worth and good intentions. I have found, if I will pat my cheeks or do the butterfly, tap my shoulders, that helps to release some oxytocin and I say to myself sweetness, you have done the best you can, it's okay. I can just feel my anxiety going down and my self-compassion rising.

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Next, you want to look at competence and continuous learning. Trusting yourself doesn't mean you have all the answers. None of us do. It means trusting your trained abilities, crucially, your commitment to lifelong learning. You trust that you have the skills or that you have the capacity to acquire those skills and regardless of the field you're in, we need to continue learning. It keeps us alive. It makes life interesting.

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Honoring your boundaries would be the next component, as we've explored before in other episodes. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is a profound act of self-trust. It communicates to yourself that your energy, time and well-being are valuable and worthy of protection. When you honor your boundaries, you reinforce your own needs. That's a really important thing. Our clients need to see our boundaries. It's as good for them as it is for us, as it is for our children, as it is for our spouse, as it is for our friends. Boundaries are eminently important and they're free. It just takes practice and self-awareness and courage to set them where you need to.

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Inner validation is the next one to look at. This is a shift from constantly seeking external approval maybe from supervisors or colleagues, spouses or clients to relying more on your own internal compass. Y'all, we do this for our clients all the time. Try to teach them that internal locus of control. We need to do it for ourselves as well.

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While external feedback is valuable, unconditional self-trust means that your core sense of competence and worth comes from within. Okay, you've got it inside you. You can't look to others for it. The gal in the mirror, the guy in the mirror that is, who is responsible for that. So how do we begin to build this unshakable core of self-trust? Y'all, it is a journey. It is not a destination. It's built through consistent, intentional practices such as mindful self check-ins. You know that's where you regularly pause and ask yourself how am I feeling right now? What is my body telling me? Why is my stomach turning? What is that about? What do I need? This consistent self-communication is key to staying connected to your inner wisdom and it's helping you build those neural pathways that are going to serve you so well. And you know it takes a hot minute to build those, so give yourself some patience and love as you're practicing these.

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Next, there's reflective practice and journaling, where you dedicate time to reflect on challenging cases, difficult interactions or successes. You write down what you learned, what went well and what you do differently next time. This helps you process experiences, integrate those lessons and, more importantly, build confidence in your evolving competence. Positive self-talk and affirmations is the next place to go where you're actively challenging that negative self-talk and affirmations is the next place to go where you're actively challenging that negative self-talk. When your inner critic pipes up, you're able to counter that negativity with an affirmation such as I'm capable, I am learning and growing or I trust my professional judgment. Speak these truths to yourself aloud multiple times throughout the day. You want to celebrate small wins. You don't just focus on the big achievements. You acknowledge every small success, every moment of clarity, every instance where you trusted your intuition and it served you well. Y'all this builds robust evidence for your well I yeah, it builds a very robust base of evidence for your competence.

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Then you want to think about engage in embodied practices. I love somatic practices in therapy. I think it's wonderful we do this for ourself. You want to practice yoga, mindful movements or even just focus breathing to help you connect with your body's wisdom. This also helps release physical tension. That can help to clear mental fog, allowing your intuition to surface more clearly. These practices reinforce the trust between your body and mind and that can be the longest journey and one of the most important journeys you're going to make. Again, it's not a destination necessarily, but a journey. It's not a destination necessarily, but a journey.

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Next, you want to use supervision on consultation strategically and regardless where you are in your practice, we always need to seek consultation and supervision. It makes us better. See supervision as a space for growth and ethical exploration, not just for seeking permission or validation. Trust your ability to ask for help without diminishing your own competence. Then, as I mentioned earlier, you want to embrace imperfection, understand that mistakes are part of learning, a natural part of learning. The best part of learning.

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Unconditional self-trust isn't about being flawless. It's about trusting your ability to learn from missteps, apologize if needed and adapt, and then you want to prioritize fundamental self-care, and then you want to prioritize fundamental self-care. Of course, I have a whole book on this and I highly encourage y'all to check out SoulJoy. It's over on Amazon or on my website. But adequate rest, nourishing food, regular movement y'all those are non-negotiable. That's got to happen regularly, every day.

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When your basic physical needs are met, your capacity for mental clarity, emotional regulation and self-trust is significantly enhanced. So learning to trust yourself unconditionally is arguably the most profound act of self-care for a helping professional. It creates a wellspring of resilience, allowing you to show up authentically, make decisions with greater confidence. Navigate challenges, yes, and not only navigate challenges, y'all, but you navigate them with more grace and ultimately, you're going to prevent burnout. When you trust yourself, you bring a deeper, more grounded presence to those you serve. You become an unshakable core, not just for yourself, but as a steady presence for others navigating their own complexities. What a gift, what a gift. What a gift. So okay, before we go further.

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I'm going to invite you to subscribe to my email list to get the weekly podcast emailed to you with the bonus PDF I create each week of the activity that I'm about to go over with you, of the activity that I'm about to go over with you. All you have to do is hop over to my website, get on my email list, wwwjuliemerrimanphdcom. While you're over there, check out my counseling services, my coaching services. I've got the book for sale on there. I've got a great self-care challenge on there. I've got several kind of fun things on there. So I encourage you to hop over there and check it out, all right? So activity for today is called my Unshakable Core Cultivating Unconditional Self-Trust, and it's designed to help you actively engage with concepts from this podcast Through self-reflection and practical exercises.

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You will explore areas where you may doubt yourself and begin to build a stronger foundation of self-trust foundation of self-trust. So I want you to identify two to three specific situations, maybe patterns or beliefs, where you find yourself struggling with self-doubt. In your professional life, okay, or maybe in your personal life. Wherever you find yourself struggling with self-doubt, I need you to be as concrete as possible. So an example would be I second-guess my clinical judgment when working with clients who have trauma histories. Or maybe I attribute successful client outcomes to luck, not my skill. So something very specific. That's step one and step two I need you to explore the roots of self-doubt.

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So, for each situation you identify in step one, explore the underlying reasons for your self-doubt. Step one explore the underlying reasons for your self-doubt. Consider what specific fears are associated with this situation. Is it a fear of making a mistake, fear of judgment, fear of failure? What past experiences might be contributing to this self-doubt? Maybe a critical supervisor, critical parent, a challenging case outcome, lack of specific training? And then what unhelpful self-talk or inner critic narratives are present and that could be. I'm not good enough. I'll mess things up. I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, we all have that inner critic. Some are louder than others depending on how long we've been trying to tame them.

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But for each situation you identify that is challenging, I want you to go in and go deeper and explore those roots, what's underlying. And again, I've created a PDF. If you're not on my email list, feel free to shoot me an email and I'll send it to you. So you identify the situation, you go deeper, consider what's the underlying reason. And then, step three, you cultivate the components of self-trust. And then, step three, you cultivate the components of self-trust. So think about the six components of unconditional self-trust that I just discussed Deep self-awareness, embodied wisdom, professional intuition, radical self-compassion, competence and continuous learning, honoring your boundaries and inner validation.

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I want you to choose two components that feel the most relevant to your current challenges with self-doubt. For each chosen component, brainstorm two to three specific actions you could take to strengthen that aspect of self-trust in your daily or weekly life. So that might look like you choose self-awareness and you tell yourself I'm going to spend five minutes each day journaling about my feelings and reactions to client interactions, which is powerful. Or maybe you choose self-compassion when I make a mistake, I will consciously speak to myself with the same kindness I would offer a colleague in that situation. Or maybe you choose intervalidation I will make a list of my professional accomplishments, big and small, to remind myself of my competence. Because I promise you, I've got lots of competence, you've got lots of opportunity for self-compassion and you've got lots of opportunity for self-awareness. All those things are just going to make you a better person as well as a better helper. Those things are just going to make you a better person as well as a better helper.

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Step four you make that action plan and you commit to it. You choose one of the actions you identified in step three that you're willing to commit to implementing in the next week and you write down your specific action plan. You want to include the specific action, how often you're going to do it, when you're going to do it and any resources or support you might need to get that accomplished. And I want you to identify one potential obstacle to carrying out your action plan and a strategy to overcome that obstacle. So okay, easy peasy. You identify a challenge, you go deep to explore the root of that challenge, you cultivate the components of self-trust and you choose two of those components that you're going to practice. And then you develop an action plan where you carry out that practice and you identify an obstacle and how you're going to overcome it, because I promise there are some. Okay.

Speaker 1:

So last thing I have for you would be reflection questions. What was the most challenging part of the activity and why? What new insights did you gain about your patterns of self-doubt? What feels most empowering about the activity? Excuse me about actively cultivating self-trust. What support do you need to maintain your commitment to building self-trust? All right, that's all for this episode of Soul Joy. Thank you for listening and thank you for all the incredible work you do. Subscribe to my podcast. Leave a review. Helps me reach more people and until next time, take care of you.