“I’m Fine” Is Killing Your Joy: Reconnecting Laughter & Life for Burned-Out Women Healers 50+

When was the last time you looked someone in the eye and said “I’m fine”—while knowing you were absolutely anything but?

This show helps women healers over 50 who have mastered the art of holding it together so well that no one suspects they are crumbling inside. If "I'm fine" has become your automatic reflex, you aren't just being polite—you are wearing emotional armor that is slowly suffocating your joy. Burnout in midlife often looks like performing competence while feeling profoundly unseen.

In this episode, Dr. Julie Merriman—burnout researcher and counselor of 30 years—breaks down why disconnection accelerates compassion fatigue and how to reclaim the lightness that once made your work feel meaningful.

Listen to discover:

• The "Competence" Trap: Why being the "steady one" is actually a fast-track to emotional isolation, and why your nervous system perceives this lack of authentic connection as a survival threat.
• Laughter as Regulation: Why humor isn't frivolous—it is a biological necessity for interruption stress patterns. We explore how to use simple humor-based resets to regulate your nervous system immediately.
• The "Three Text Challenge": A simple, actionable strategy to break the seal of isolation today, drop the "I'm fine" mask, and invite real, messy, authentic joy back into your relationships.

If you are ready to stop performing for everyone else and finally let yourself be seen, start by listening to this episode now!

Next Steps:

• If this episode resonated, please share it with another woman healer who needs to hear it.
• [Freebies]: Tap the links below to grab the Compassion Fatigue Cure Starter Guide and the From Burnout to Radiance Reset.
• [Take the Quiz]: Discover your burnout style with the What's your Burnout/Compassion Fatigue Archetype? quiz.

We rise together.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

THE DIAGNOSIS: Are you the Martyr who can't say no? Or the Warrior who fights until she collapses? You cannot heal what you cannot name.

👇 Take the 60-Second Quiz to find your Burnout Archetype: [CLICK HERE TO REVEAL YOUR ARCHETYPE]

Join the Rebellion: If this episode woke something up in you, share it with a colleague who needs permission to stop. We rise together.

Reach out to Dr. Julie

Episodes drop every Tuesday at 5am and every Friday at noon.

Special guest episodes drop the 4th Thursday of every month at 7am.

Transcript

0:01

So here's what nobody tells you about burnout. It's not just exhaustion. It's the slow disappearance of joy, of laughter, and real connection and the very things that make life worth living. And girl, if you're over 50 and feeling like you're just going through the motions, this episode is your permission. It's your permission slip to stop, breathe, and remember who you are underneath all that tired. Here's what you're going to get in the next 10 minutes. A simple three text challenge that will reconnect you with real people and real laughter. No fake positivity required. And you're also going to get the permission you've been waiting for to stop being fine. How are you, Jules? Oh, I'm fine. Stop being fine. And to find humor in the beautiful mess of life after 50. Welcome to Soul Joy, the podcast for empowering brilliant women in healthcare over 50, transform burnout into purpose, reigniting your spark to create a life that energizes you every single day. I'm your host, Dr. Julie Merriman. Let's get to it. I am so glad you're here and I. Well, can I just say if you are listening to this while folding your laundry or, you know, dusting or maybe sitting in a parking lot to avoid going to the grocery store or hiding your closet with chocolate, I mean, no judgment man. Been there, done that. We're all just doing our best here. This is the show where we remember that joy isn't something we lost somewhere between our twenties and now it's not hiding under the pile of responsibilities, the endless to-do lists or that drawer. We're afraid to open anybody. I've got two actually. Joy is still here. We just forgot we're allowed to have it. So today we're talking about connection and humor. Two things that cost absolutely nothing but are worth more than that expensive face cream that promised to make us look 30 again, spoiler alert, nothing is going to make us look 30 again. And thank goodness for that because who wants to go back to not knowing who they are? So girl, grab your coffee, tea Vino wherever you're at right now. I don't know what time it is where you are, and I'm not here to judge. Let's just dive in. Okay. Let's talk about the connection crisis, and here's the truth bomb of the day. Burnout isn't just about being tired. It's about being disconnected, disconnected from ourselves, from other people, from anything that makes us laugh until we snort and somewhere along the way we got really good at connection on the surface. When in the hell did that happen? And you know, you know what I'm talking about that. Oh, how are you? Oh, good. And you, I mean, just that exchange, that's basically the human equivalent of two fax machines trying to communicate. Do y'all remember fax machines? Of course you do, because in our profession, too many people are still using those dirt things. And y'all were of a certain age. I mean, I remember when that was a new technology and it was all the, all the woo-hoo, look at this effects machine. How's that work? And like I said, some of us are still using them in our practice. Okay. Real connection. What about that? You know the kind where you tell someone you're struggling and they don't immediately try to fix you or tell you about someone who has it worse? That's become rare and friend. It's killing our joy. I was talking to my friend. Uh, Kathy the other day, we're both over 50, both dealing with aging parents, grown kids who still need us, but pretend like they don't, and bodies that make sounds we don't remember authorizing. And she said something brilliant to. She said, you know, I don't need solutions. I just need someone to say, man, that sounds hard, and tell me something funny about their day therapist. That's a validation. And then let's, well, uh, well, it's not even a sandwich, it's a validation. And then we're gonna hang some humor on the end of that. And, and that's it. I mean, how many of y'all feel the same? I don't need someone solving my damn problems. I know how to do that. I just need to feel seen and heard and throw something funny at me. That's the whole secret to connection right there. We don't need fixers. Our burnout doesn't need a fixer. We need someone to witness us. Yeah, and laugh. With us about it and remind us we're not alone in this beautiful, exhausting, ridiculous human experience so often. We wanna rush in and fix shit. Don't do it. Just be open up some space to just be. And if a giggle comes up by God giggle, we take ourselves so damn serious. It really needs to quit. I mean, be silly. So I'm gonna give you a humor prescription, and I'm still dealing with that cold I was talking to y'all about. Okay, let's talk about humor because. Honestly, if we can't laugh at this point in our lives, when can we, and the research I've done on burnout and compassion fatigue, time and time and time again, humor is a big part of that prescription to overcome, not fix, but at a cellular level, to let's do life different. So I'm not talking about fake positivity. You remember that, uh, saying gag me with a spoon. I mean that please not fake positivity or pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's okay to not be okay. I am talking about finding the absurdity in everyday chaos. Like a minute ago I was, I'm trying to talk to y'all and I hear my dog, my chicken coop is right outside this office window and I have four blue healers and they love to harass that chicken. So I'm hearing them out there, uh, barking at the chicken and I'm thinking, oh, great. Y'all are hearing the dogs bark. And then I'm like, well, fine. Let's just talk about it. It's kind of funny. Chicken. She holds her own. She's in, she's in a safe territory. They camp. Hurt her. But those dogs, I'll tell you, they have the best time. And chicken's just in there kinda giving them the, the bird finger feather, if you will, because she, she not having it. Like, mind you, those dogs don't wanna go in that cage, but they do love to bark at her. So the funny thing there is how chicken really has the upper hand. Okay, but let's get back to it. Merriman, um, absurdity in everyday chaos. Like my dog's barking at the chicken, like how we. Now make noise when we sit down. Oh my goodness. Yes. I have things that crack and pop and, and when did that start? Because I'm telling you, in all the degrees I have, all the classes I've taken, no one ever talked to me or warned me that, Hey, by the way, when you get a certain age, you're gonna wake. Just feeling sore for having slept, whereas used to, I'd have to lift weights for that to happen. Or how about the fact we can't remember why we walked into a room. I've talked about this before, but we can remember every embarrassing thing we did in 1987. What is that about? Our brains are just choosing chaos at this point. Here's what I've learned. Humor, my love my friend, is an act of rebellion against burnout. Every time you laugh at something absurd, you're telling burnout not the day. Satan. Today I'm choosing joy. Okay, and the beautiful thing about being over 50, we've earned the right to laugh at things that used to make us cry. We've earned the right to say, you know what? This is ridiculous and I'm going to find it funny. Instead of soul crushing. My sweet mama used to say. Well, she first said, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all that that comes first. But she would also say, if you don't laugh, you'll cry. And crying gives me a headache. Turns out Mama was on to something and she's still here telling me that she's still cute. Now she does wanna talk about feelings. Um, but that's a whole other podcast. But so, so the essence there is Mama was Right. Let's laugh so we don't get a headache. So I'm gonna give you a connection challenge, and it's your challenge for this week. And it's so simple. You might think I'm kidding. Um, but I'm not. But we can laugh. It's the three text challenge. Text three women in your life and they can be friends, family, your daughter, daughter-in-laws, whoever. And say something real. Not hope you're well girl. I'm talking about real. Try something like this. I'm tired. I burned dinner and I laughed instead of crying. How's your week? Or remember when we thought 50 would be all wisdom and no weird chin hairs. Oh my god. Chin hairs. We were so wrong. I got I, I got new chin. Oh, don't get me started on chin, chin hairs. But we never thought about that in our twenties, did we? Or tell me something funny. What happened to you this week? I need it. And girl, I want you just to watch what happens. I bet you'll get real right back at you. And that real. Oh, honey, that's where connection lives. That's where Joy sneaks her ass back in. Because here's the secret secret, they don't tell you. Everyone is tired. Who everyone is wondering if they're the only one who feels this way. Everyone needs permission to be honest and laugh about it. You could be the person who gives that permission today. And if you're thinking, but I don't wanna bother anyone, just stop right there. Stop it. You're not bothering anyone. You're inviting them into connection. You're offering them a gift. It's the gift of not having to be fine all the time. And sister, that's not a burden. That my friend is a blessing. So here's our wisdom and reflection. You know what nobody tells you about getting older. It gets better, not easier. We're gonna be honest about that, but it does get better. Because by now you've learned that perfection is a lie sold to us by people who want our damn money. That's all they want is our money. We keep throwing it at'em'cause they put out those damn magazines that make us think we can do that. We've learned that friends who stick around are the ones who've seen us at our worst and loved us anyway. I conjugated that wrong at our worst. Sorry. We've learned that laughter and connection are actual medicine. And girl, they're free. We've spent so many years trying to do it all, be it all, please everyone. And burnout is what happens when we forget that we're being human. Let me rephrase that. We're not being human. We are being human. Burnout is part of that, but we're human beings. You know that old cliche, we're human beings now. Human doings, well, that's what I'm hitting on right here. Here's the good news. Joy's always available. It could be spontaneous. It's not waiting for you to lose 10 pounds to finish your to-do list or figure out everything. It is here now. In the small moments, in the text from a friend, in a call from your child, in the laugh that catches you off guard in the realization that you survived everything that tried to break your ass. Girl, you're still here. A warrior who's all so really tired and wouldn't mind a nap, but a warrior nonetheless. Okay, here's my wish for you this week. Find your people, the ones who get it, the ones who'd laugh at the absurdity with you, the ones who don't need you to be anything other than who you are right now. Weird noises. When you sit down at all, send those three texts, make that phone call, show up to that coffee date even if you look tired, because guess what? We all look tired. It's called living. And most importantly, give yourself permission to find joy in unexpected places. Girl in the ridiculous, in the imperfect, in the beautifully messy reality of being a woman over 50 who's done with the burnout and ready to remember what she's allowed to laugh about and to connect with, and to feel alive. You don't have to earn joy. You don't have to earn rest. You just have to notice it's been waiting for you all along. Thank you for being here. Thank you for choosing joy, even when it's hard. Thank you for being you. This is Soul Joy Friday Fun reminding you that you're not alone. You're not crazy. And you're definitely not too old to dance in your kitchen. I invite you to pop over to my website and sign up for my, uh, weekly newsletter that, yeah, I'm not asking anything. I'm gonna offer you all kinds of goodness in that newsletter. All kinds of little endorphin pops. God, I can't even say it. Endorphin pops through the week, so I really invite you to hop over there and join my, join me. Join me. Okay girl. I'll see you next week. Until then, go find something to laugh about. It's good for your soul.