When Smart Women Miss Their Own Warning Signs: The Self-Neglect Wake-Up Call for Burned-Out Healers 50+

When was the last time you dismissed a symptom, pushed through pain, or told yourself “I’m fine” even though your body was clearly waving a red flag?

This show helps high-achieving women healers over 50 who are experts at caring for others but have become "terrible patients" themselves. Research shows that smart, accomplished women are the most likely to delay preventive care—not because they lack knowledge, but because professional conditioning has rewired them to override their own bodies. If you treat exhaustion as evidence of purpose, you are running on a dangerous script.

In this episode, Dr. Julie Merriman—burnout researcher and counselor of 30 years—explains the neuroscience of Interoception and why your brain stops registering internal signals when you live in survival mode.

Listen to discover:

• The "Smart Woman" Paradox: Why high-achieving women are statistically least likely to seek timely care, and how the "strong one" identity masks early warning signs until it's too late.
• The Neuroscience of Disconnection: How chronic stress and compassion fatigue actually dull "interoception" (your brain's ability to read internal cues), making self-neglect a physiological automatic response rather than a choice.
• Reframing Care as Leadership: Science-backed strategies to repattern your relationship with your body and start viewing self-care as an ethical responsibility, not a sign of weakness.

If you are ready to stop waiting for a crisis to treat your body like the sacred instrument it is, start by listening to this episode now!

Next Steps:

• If this episode resonated, please share it with another woman healer who needs to hear it.
• [Freebies]: Tap the links below to grab the Compassion Fatigue Cure Starter Guide and the From Burnout to Radiance Reset.
• [Take the Quiz]: Discover your burnout style with the What's your Burnout/Compassion Fatigue Archetype? quiz.

We rise together.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

THE DIAGNOSIS: Are you the Martyr who can't say no? Or the Warrior who fights until she collapses? You cannot heal what you cannot name.

👇 Take the 60-Second Quiz to find your Burnout Archetype: [CLICK HERE TO REVEAL YOUR ARCHETYPE]

Join the Rebellion: If this episode woke something up in you, share it with a colleague who needs permission to stop. We rise together.

Reach out to Dr. Julie

Episodes drop every Tuesday at 5am and every Friday at noon.

Special guest episodes drop the 4th Thursday of every month at 7am.

Transcript

0:01

Here's the uncomfortable truth. The smarter we are, the more creative we become at ignoring our bodies. If you've ever pushed through pain because someone needed you, if you read the research on wellness, why canceling your own appointments, ah, that one hits hard. If you've ever thought, ah, I'll deal with it when things slow down, this one's for you. Okay. Today we're going to do the following name, the pattern why accomplished Women are sta statistically the least likely to seek care. We're gonna understand the wiring, how our professional conditioning rewires the nervous system to dismiss warning signs. And y'all were gonna reclaim agency with science-backed soul-centered steps to treat your body like the sacred instrument. It is. So take a deep breath, my friend, Unclench that jaw and settle in because this episode isn't about blame, it's about coming home to yourself. Welcome to Soul Joy, the podcast for empowering brilliant women in healthcare over 50, transform burnout into purpose, reigniting your spark to create a life that energizes you every single day. I'm your host, Dr. Julie Merriman. Let's get to it. Okay, so as I like to do, because I believe authenticity is very important and, um, this whole thing, this whole podcast is about. Having a conversation with you, amazing humans, and sharing, being vulnerable with you, sharing truth about me. So let's start with my self neglect story. I used to think, I used, think I was bulletproof. I was too smart to get sick after all y'all, right? Um, I teach wellness. I train counselors. I write and read peer reviewed journals or articles for fun, and yet I ignored a tiny change in my breast for months I did. It wasn't denial exactly. It, it really wasn't that. It, ah, it was arrogance dressed up as competence. I told myself, ah, I know my body. I'll know if it's serious between classes, clients, my husband's cancer committee meetings. That appointment just kept slipping down the calendar until one day it didn't, because what I'd brushed off. Was breast cancer, I remember, ugh, I remember far too well sitting in that sterile room. The clinician suddenly wearing the gown because I was the patient, I wasn't the professional, and I realized that all my degrees, all my training. Had built a fortress of knowledge that couldn't protect me from my own neglect. That diagnosis wasn't the end of my story. Thank God it was the beginning of a reckoning. I saw how easily smart, capable women use intelligence as an armor. Y'all. We don't mean to disrespect our bodies. I don't believe that at all. We simply forget that we have one that day, that traumatic day, I got that diagnosis. I made a promise I would never again be a brilliant woman who abandons her own body and the passion bug bit my butt. And I decided that I would teach others how not to abandon their bodies either. Hence, this podcast, I mean, it's not all about breast cancer and boohoo by any means, but it's all about finding yourself again, finding that spark, empowering yourself to come back to you.'cause that takes some courage. So let's talk about this conundrum, this healthcare conundrum. Let's talk about, about why this happens because it's not just personal, it's systemic, it's cultural, and it's neurological. So let's start with jama, the medical, uh, journal. Uh, there was a 2021 study that found physicians and nurses and healthcare providers, counselors, social workers, all us guys in healthcare, we seek preventative care less often than the general population. That's mind-boggling. And then a PA. The Psychological association put out a report in 2022 that mental health professionals underuse therapy despite high stress exposure and y'all research on women in leadership shows, the higher your responsibility, the longer you delay care. I know I was there. Oh, I can't take off. I can't go do that. I'll just do it later. Uh, here's why. I mean, there is why. Let's talk about that. Here's why. Competence, identity, we confuse competence with invulnerability. The idea of needing help threatens the identity we built on being the helper. Then the knowledge of overconfidence. We, us brilliant gals, believe, I'll see the signs. I'll know when to go in that chronic stress dulls your awareness, your interception. Your brain's ability to interpret your body's signals. By the time you do notice, my sweet friend, your nervous system is already in survival mode. Hear that again. By the time we notice it's too late, we need to be proactive. And then y'all, there's this thing called caregiver conditioning. From the first day of graduate school or clinical training, we are rewarded for sacrifice. Oh. I'm trying hard not to do that to my students, but all that's so true. I can remember my husband. I won't. Well, I need to be very cautious. I won't say which degree this was. Um. But I was working on one of my degrees. My husband was in the hospital. I called the program to say I needed to be with him, and I was told I either get my ass there or I'm out of the program. I, that's the kind of sacrifice that we've been rewarded for, and sadly, I'm ashamed to say all these years later, my ass went to school and I found someone to stab my husband. Horrifying, horrifying. Yeah, the message is clear. You're valuable when you're useful, and it's no wonder that when our bodies whisper rest, our brains hear failure. Think about that. Here are signs. My sweet friend, and I say this for tongue in cheek, but you know, you know, you know, if you know. Signs. You're a terrible patient, so let's just check in. No judgment. No judgment at all. This is just about awareness. You might be a terrible patient if you reschedule preventive visits because patients need me. Mm. Okay. So, I'm just gonna say a truth here, and if my therapist happens to be listening, I send you a big hug. I was doing this when I was in, um, executive level management for university. Lots of demands, lots of demands, lots of un, I just, uh, lots of demands with little heart. And I kept having to reschedule my therapy sessions because first it, you know, I was in another town at the drive, blah, blah, blah. I can come up with all kinds of excuses and I remember my therapist and she is phenomenal. Called my ass on the carpet and said, well, Julie, I can see taking care of you isn't your priority right now. Who nailed that on the head? That's what's happening when we continue to reschedule our visits. We are not the priority that we need to be. You might be a terrible patient if you diagnose yourself, but never follow through. You might be a terrible patient if you feel guilty sitting in a waiting room. Oh wait, I'm wasting time. I, what am I doing sitting here? There's things I need to be doing. You might be a terrible patient if you wear exhaustion. Like evidence of purpose, love. Does any of that sound familiar? Same. Same here. But y'all awareness is the moment the script starts to shift that very moment. So here's science backed solutions I wanna talk to you about. Here's what actually works. And it's not another bubble bath, it's not another self-care list, but there is evidence based that we call re-patterning. So here's what I'm talking about, girlfriend. You have to schedule non-negotiables. You book your screenings and appointments in advance, just like a board meeting, and you treat them as a contract to your future. Excuse me, with your future self. You make time to do shit for other people all the time. You need to make time to take yourself to the doctor. And I'll be honest, I probably still wouldn't have gone to get that last mammogram if my husband and we, he had just, um, had a brain surgery and we'd had to live in Arizona for six months during treatment. And, um, I'd missed six months of um, uh, mammogram, uh,'cause I was tied up anyway. I missed it. And when we got back to Texas, my husband, I was like, oh, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm gonna cancel that. I had a lot to do. I, I, I didn't want to go to another doctor visit and he sat my ass down and said, Nope, you are going to that appointment. And I thank God he did because it needed, it needed to be attended. We need to schedule our non-negotiables, period second. Enter my husband, who was my accountability partner. Second, you have an accountability partner. You find a colleague or a loved one who is also learning to unlearn over functioning, and you text each other. Did you schedule that? Lab? Mutual accountability reduces avoidance anxiety by 40% as per health psychology study in 2020. Then you need to look at nervous system regulation. Good old polyvagal. That nervous system stuff is gold. If if, if you do nothing else from this podcast, I want you to dig into nervous system regulation. Most of it's free and it's gonna buy you quality of life. But here's what I invite you to try. Nervous system regulation. Try the 4, 2, 6 breath. Inhale. Four, hold for two, exhale six. That simple rhythm stimulates your vagus nerve and that's gonna lower cortisol and help to restore that interceptive awareness. Very important for us to have. And then four. I want you to re reframe care as competence. You heard me reframe care as competence, the A CA. I'm a licensed professional counselor. The American Counseling Association Code of Ethics explicitly calls for counselor. Wellness seeking care is not weakness. It is ethical modeling. Every time you prioritize yourself, you're leading by example, and that's a big deal. Okay, so I'm gonna hop into the Soul Joy method for just a hop minute because I don't think I talk about this enough. Yes, I have this podcast, yes, I wanna reach people through this podcast, but I also have created a method. Um, I don't have it open right now. I only open it about once, maybe twice a year, but I wanna tell you about it. Out of my breast cancer diagnosis and years of research, this Soul Joy method grew and it's science backed. I like to say baked. It's baked in science, it's soul centered and it's a framework for you. You brilliant women who have spent decades saving everyone else. And I built this on four pillars.'cause I think it's important. First off, you're gonna reclaim your energy. You're gonna regulate that nervous system. Second, you're gonna rediscover your purpose beyond titles and degrees. That Bs there is a you under that third, you're gonna reinvent your relationships, starting with your body. Fourth, you're gonna reignite your joy because joy isn't a reward, y'all. It's fuel. This is the method that helped me heal from burnout and cancer, and it's how I help other brilliant women do the same. I haven't mentioned it in a while, but I also have my soul joy, my in Pursuit of Soul Joy book over to Amazon, or if you will, just send me an email and go, Jules, I listen to your podcast. I would love a copy of that book. I for five bucks I to cover shipping. I'll send you that book for free just to just cover the cost of shipping. I want that book in your hands because it's gonna help you. Okay, so let's recap. Intelligent, intelligent Intelligence doesn't grant immunity. Awareness creates choice healing. Is leadership because when we care for ourselves, we teach others how to do it too. If you're ready to move from knowing better, to living better, I created something just for you free, free, free. It's the Soul Joy Challenge. It's a seven day reset that helps high achieving women. Reconnect. With energy, joy, and the simple act of listening to their bodies, again, all you gotta do is hop over to www julie merriman phd.com and click the Soul Joy Challenge Link and sugar. You can start that today because y'all, the world doesn't need another burned out genius. It needs you. Brilliant, rested alive. Your education prepared you to help others. Now it's time to help yourself.