The Gratitude Trap: Why "Faking It" Is Fueling Your Burnout (Women Healers 50+)

Have you ever noticed that the things you say you’re "grateful" for—the busy schedule, the endless needs of others, the "opportunities" to serve—are often the very things burning you out?

You have been conditioned to believe that gratitude should silence your exhaustion. But here is the rebel truth: You are not thankful for being everyone’s emotional support system. You are not thankful for meetings that should’ve been emails. For women over 50 and healers, this "Performative Gratitude" isn't a virtue; it is a trap. Research from Harvard and UC Berkeley confirms that when you use gratitude to override your depletion, it becomes emotional bypassing—and it actively accelerates burnout and compassion fatigue.

In this permission-granting episode, Dr. Juls exposes the psychological pressure to be "good" and invites you to stop lying to yourself. You will learn to distinguish between the energy drains you tolerate and the true joy that reconnects you to yourself. Discover:

• The "Wellness Gaslight": Why forced thankfulness creates a disconnect in your Root and Solar Plexus chakras, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and full of resentment.
• What You Are Actually Grateful For: How to pivot from performing for others to finding inner peace in the things that matter (like quiet mornings and saying "no").
• The 30-Second Radiance Reset: A simple nervous system tool to drop your shoulders, release the "gratitude that costs you peace," and reclaim your authenticity and power.

Stop saying "thank you" for things that hurt. Press play to release the performance and find clarity in what is real.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

THE DIAGNOSIS: Are you the Martyr who can't say no? Or the Warrior who fights until she collapses? You cannot heal what you cannot name.

👇 Take the 60-Second Quiz to find your Burnout Archetype: [CLICK HERE TO REVEAL YOUR ARCHETYPE]

Join the Rebellion: If this episode woke something up in you, share it with a colleague who needs permission to stop. We rise together.

Reach out to Dr. Julie

Episodes drop every Tuesday at 5am and every Friday at noon.

Special guest episodes drop the 4th Thursday of every month at 7am.

Transcript

0:01

Okay, my brilliant healers over 50. Pause that multitasking for 10 seconds because I'm about to tell you something you already know, but rarely say out loud the things we're actually grateful for this year. They have nothing to do with caring everyone else's emotional backpack. Again, today, I'm going to give you three reasons you'll want to listen all the way through. You're going to feel deeply seen about what you're not and what you are truly thankful for and what you're not thankful for. Absolutely not. You'll learn the sneaky psychological reason. Women healers over 50 feel pressured to be grateful for things that are actually draining them, and you'll walk away with a chakra aligned grounding practice. So good. Your nervous system will want to write me a thank you note. Welcome to Soul Joy, the podcast for empowering brilliant women in healthcare over 50, transform burnout into purpose, reignited your spark to create a life that energizes you every single day. I'm your host, Dr. Julie Merriman. Let's get to it. Welcome to Compassion Fatigue Cure, also known as Soul Joy. Y'all, this is such an honor to get to spend a hot minute with you. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I wanna remind you that this is okay. It's okay. What we're fixing to talk about. So what we're not thankful for, let's start with this. You are not thankful for being the default emotional support animal for your entire family. You're not thankful for sitting in a meeting thinking, Jesus, ugh, this could have been an email. And you certainly are not thankful for being the one who remembers everyone's birthdays, dentist appointments, weird rashes. You are grateful, but you are not delusional. Okay, let's, let's look at the psychology of performative gratitude, and here's what the research says. Harvard and uc, Berkeley studies show that gratitude is powerful when it's genuine, but when women use it to override exhaustion, when they weaponize gratitude against themselves, it becomes emotional bypassing and women healers. Over 50 are the most conditioned to do this decades of training taught you, my friend. It taught you. Be thankful. Be humble. Don't need too much. Be grateful. Be grateful. You're even here. That is not gratitude. That is social conditioning wrapped up in a Hallmark card. So, so what? Let, let's look at what you might actually be thankful for. Here's what I'm hearing from you. Souls like you in sessions, in emails, in dms. We are thankful for quiet mornings before the world starts needing things from you, a body that's still fighting for you, even when you've ignored it. Saying No without a side of guilt casserole, friendships with women who get it your own damn recliner and the big one, the really big one. You my friend, you are thankful for any moment, any moment where you get to feel like yourself again. That's radiance, not performance. Okay, so energetically this season hits your root chakra, that safety grounding chakra and your solar plexus chakra. Those are your boundaries and power hard. If your root is wobbly, you feel responsible for everyone. If your solar plexus is dm, you're gonna feel guilty for wanting to rest. So here's a quick alignment practice that takes 30 seconds. Girl, you have got 30 seconds. I call it actionable activity. The 32nd radiance reset, that is actionable activity, and it is, we're gonna label it thankful for me edition. So sit for a second. Drop your shoulders to probably. Now I like to squeeze up to my ears and then drop my shoulders. I really feel the difference. And say out loud the following. First I want you to say Yes, everyone altogether with me. Yes. And then I want you to say, I'm thankful for the woman I am becoming. I release gratitude That costs me peace. My peace, my joy is not optional. Now, put your hand on your belly. Inhale for 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. Exhale for 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Reset that vagus system. Send the breath straight to your root chakra. And go into season one and listen to one of my first podcasts. It talks all about the chakra system, chakra primer 1 0 1 if you're not sure where that root is, but I'll tell you your feet to your, to your sits bone, and I want you to imagine that area glowing, like the world's sexiest ember. You just reset your nervous system. And two chakras, but we're gonna go back to your chakras first. Putting your hand on your belly, that lights up your solar plexus. It's upper belly. That's why our hand is there. And when you inhale and exhale, that's resetting. And then sending that breath straight to your root, that resets that root chakra. That's why two have been reset. Your brain thinks you're a witch now it's like, what the hell just happened? This chicky poo has magic and congratulations. Okay, friends, today you learned why force gratitude drains you. What midlife healers are truly thankful for the chakra aligned radiance reset that only takes 30 flipping seconds. And most importantly, that gratitude isn't about what you've done for everyone else. It's about returning to the woman you actually are. Girl, if this hit home, share it with another healer over 50 who's exhausted from keeping everyone else afloat. And I have created a free gift for you. It's the compassion fatigue cure. Starter guide. It's a science back soul deep framework to help midlife healers understand your compassion fatigue patterns and start reclaiming your joy. Your joy. Lemme say that word joy. All you gotta do is go to the show notes and click the link and it's yours. And don't forget your radiance matters. Get ready for Thanksgiving. Get ready for the Christmas season. It is upon us and all my shows from here until the new year will be about getting us prepared for the holidays, the Christmas season. So I will see you Tuesday and until then, don't forget your radiance matters.