Why You Smile When You Want to Scream and How the Fawn Response Fuels Compassion Fatigue

Have you ever found yourself agreeing to a favor while your stomach was physically knotting up in protest? Or perhaps you have caught yourself apologizing to a patient or family member who was actively yelling at you?

You aren't just "nice," and you aren't just a "people pleaser." You are reacting from the Fawn Response. This is a biological survival strategy where you instinctively "merge with the aggressor" to avoid conflict. While this mechanism may have kept you safe in the past, today it is destroying your nervous system and driving deep compassion fatigue. It creates an internal war between your mouth (which says "Yes") and your body (which is screaming "No").

In this episode, we decode the biology of your compliance. You will discover why setting a boundary often feels like a death threat to your nervous system and how to realign your energy so you stop abandoning yourself to keep everyone else warm. We also teach you the exact script for "The Sacred Pause"—a vital tool that buys you time so you never have to fake a "Yes" again.

Your "No" is the guardian of your "Yes." Press play to stop fawning and start leading.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

Burnout isn’t your failure—it’s the cost of caring too long without support.
In Pursuit of Soul Joy: A 12-Week Guide for Overcoming Burnout and Compassion Fatigue is written for women healers ready to stop surviving and start living again.

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome to the 12 days of Radiance Reset. We are ditching the holiday overwhelmed to take you from exhausted and trapped to radiant and free. This is your end of year reconnection. You aren't just nice, you aren't just a people pleaser. Sweet soul, you are traumatized. That instinct to smile and agree when you feel unsafe, that compulsion to make everyone else comfortable while you are dying inside, that is a survival response. And today we stop surviving and start living y'all. Empowering brilliant women in healthcare over 50 to transform burnout and compassion fatigue into renewed passion. Reigniting your spark to create a life that energizes you every single day. I'm your host, Dr. Jules. Let's get to it. Today we are decoding the fawn response. And you need to listen to the very end of this episode because I'm going to explain why saying no feels like a death threat to your nervous system. This is why you physically can't get the word out. We are going to talk about trauma-informed boundaries. This isn't about being mean or selfish. It is about staying inside your own body. And I am teaching you the sacred pause. I'm giving you a specific script to buy you time, so you never have to say a fake yes. Again, let's look at the biology. You know all about fight and flight and you know, freeze, but for women. Especially women healers such as ourselves. Fawn is the secret killer. We are socialized to fawn. It means merging with the aggressor or the person in power to stay safe. In healthcare, we fond the doctors, we fond administrators. We fond angry patients to deescalate the room. We fond insurance companies. I mean, the list is endless, but here is the cost. It creates a war inside of you think cognitive dissonance. Your body is screaming unsafe, but your mouth is saying, well, of course I can help. That conflict destroys your nervous system. So let's look at this energetically.'cause energetically this is all about alignment. When you fawn, you literally leave your body, your project, your energy, you project your energy into the other person to anticipate their needs. Their mood, their comfort. You, my friend, are unaligned. You have vacated the premises of your own soul and when you aren't home, you cannot protect yourself. So how do we get back in the body? We are going to use the sacred pause. Here is the rule for the next 24 hours. You are not allowed to say yes immediately to anyone. When someone asks you for something, a shift change, a favor, a holiday, dinner dish, you must use this script. Write it down. Here's what you say. You ready? You say. Let me check my capacity and get back to you. That's it. Then you walk away, you breathe, you feel your feet on the floor, and you ask your body, do we want to do this? If the answer is not a hell yes, then sweet soul, it is a no. Your no is the guardian of your yes. Protect your peace. So is fawning your go-to move? Do you disappear or do you overgive? You need to take the, what's your burnout, compassion fatigue, archetype quiz that's linked in the show notes right now. You need to know Stop fa, stop fawning. Start leading. We rise together. If this episode hit home, don't just nod and move on. Give yourself what you actually need. Tap the show notes right now. And girl, if you know another woman healer who's running on empty, please share this episode.