The major difference between persuading someone or manipulating them tends to rely on who benefits from the action. For instance, manipulation occurs if I get you to do something that benefits me but harms you. The person who is manipulating often uses deception in the process. On the other hand, if the manipulated person benefits from the action, the term persuasion is often used.
Western law is based on Judeo-Christian principles of right and wrong. So, if you adhere to these principles, the difference between persuasion and manipulation seems obvious. However, if your morality or belief system is based elsewhere, the difference is a huge gray area.
I once hired an account manager who was incredibly charismatic and likable. In fact, she was one of my best salespeople for quite a while. After a while, though, I started noticing odd things happening with her clients. It started small. For instance, on occasion, she would “accidentally” charge the client a discounted price to close the sale. In others, she might charge the customer an inflated price to increase her commission. I remember having a few discussions with her about ethics and morality.
Eventually, I had to let her go. I found out later that she had previously co-owned a competitive company. From what I could determine, her partners had somehow cheated her out of her equity in the company. It is possible that each of the partners was somewhat shady. It is also possible that the first experience jaded her. Her mentality shifted to “cheat others before they cheat you.”
I tend to find that people who manipulate others have a seared conscience. They see others as being cheaters, so they see nothing wrong with cheating them first.
How to Know When Someone Is Manipulating You. Part One: The Emotional Appeal.
“At their root, magic tricks and confidence games share the same fundamental principle: a manipulation of our beliefs.” – Maria Konnikova, Author of Confidence Game.
Con artists realize that the beliefs of people are more malleable in a heightened state of emotion. If you think about it, when we get really angry, we don’t think very rationally. I have, on very rare occasions, seen my sweet, amiable wife get so angry that she does something extremely out of character. (Forget that it is often me who caused this anger to be there in the first place. That is beside the point.)
Since people do act out-of-character when in a highly emotional state, con artists often use emotion to manipulate.
Show Notes: How to Know When Someone Is Manipulating You