Letting Go of the Mom Guilt

If you're a mom, you've experienced some sort of "mom guilt" related to your kids. Why are moms so hard on themselves and their ability to mother? All moms are unique and you don't need to compare yourself to others!

This week, Bree shares what has helped her to let go of her mom guilt and enjoy motherhood and all that comes along with it. 

You are an amazing mother and the best mom for your kids. Let go of that mom guilt and support yourself and other moms!

Learn more about Bree and her training programs at www.bodybybree.com or follow her on Instagram @bodybybreefitness 

Want more? Find and follow Bree on
www.bodybybree.com
Instagram
Pinterest
YouTube
Blog

Transcript

Hey Friends!!!! Lets Talk about MOM GUILT.  From one mom to another haven’t we all experienced mom guilt on some sort of level?  Talking with my circle of friends i found it so eye opening how hard we are on ourselves.  Why do we do that?  Why are we so hard on ourselves and pick ourselves apart when it comes to our ability to be a mother?

Is it because we know how important it is?  iS it because of our own experiences growning up?  Is it because of our personality type or enneagram number?  Whatever the reasoning behind it is, it’s apparent that most moms have dealt with it on a regular basis..  So whats the solution?  Let me share with you what has helped me let go of the mom guilt so I can enjoy motherhood how it’s intended and actually LOVE my role as a mom. 

When Olivia was 2 and a half and jameson was a newborn I never got babysitters.  I didn’t have a good babysitter I could rely on, and I didnt’ trust anyone with my kids, and I thought I didn’t need one cause I could do it.  I mean, some people have 5 and 6 kids and they do it so why couldn’t I do it?  Well eventually I started getting really burnt out.  I was completely exhausted.  I starting losing the joy that I thought I would have in motherhood.  I started resenting my children.  I become short with them and noticed I would wake up with a pit in my stomach.  This is very hard to share because no mom wants to share their darkest thoughts but I had them.  I felt a little depressed if i’m being honest.  I didnt’ have many friends cause I just moved into a new area and felt like my life was on repeat of groundhog day.  I was in a funk to say the least. 

Adam suggested I get a babysitter a few times a week for a few hours so I could run errands, or work on a hobby, or just sit at the pool and read a book.  He understood that I needed time alone.  I needed time away to recharge and refocus.  For some reason I felt that would make me a bad mom if i needed a sitter to give me time away from my own kids.  I don’t know what that’s instilled in us at such a young age but for me i was taught that motherhood was the most important calling you could do.  So I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect.  

Well gues what… all that did was lead to resentment and exhaustion.  So i finally decided to pull the trigger and get a regular babysitter on thursday nights so i could go to dinner with a friend.  Monday afternoon so I could go grocery shopping and get a few errands done, and saturday night so i could go on a date with adam and reconnect with him.  It was a sacrifice.  I had to budget the money to afford a babysitter and had to sacrifice other things but for my sanity it was worth it. 

Once I put my mental health as a priority I became a better wife and mother.  My cup wasn’t always empty.  I started feeling like myself again.  I could recharge and when I came home I appreciated my children so much because i actually missed them!  I realized I had hobbies again!  I started my online training business because I had time to actually THINK!  Can you believe it?!  I had time to think with out being interrupted or peed on. 

I want you to listen very closely to this next part….. Wanting time to yourself does not make you a bad mother. You are not selfish for wanting some time for yourself. It’s essential and healthy for you to recharge. You cannot run yourself into the ground. You cannot put yourself last every time. You are not being selfless.. You are doing yourself a disservice. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard from clients that they feel guilty taking time to workout everyday. This is important. It’s important to take care of your health. It’s important to feel good. It’s okay to want to feel confident. Dare I say it’s okay to have your own dreams and aspirations! 

Give yourself permission to let go of the guilt! Guilt is such a low vibrating frequency. It brings you down and it beings the people around you down and your kids feel it. Your kids want a happy mom. If that’ means taking time away from them from time to time that’s okay! 

It’s okay to take a trip and not bring the kids. It’s okay to schedule regular date nights to reconnect with your spouse. I always feel bad for husbands cause they often get the short end of the stick. Sometimes at night i just dont’ want one more person touching me cause i have been mauled all day long and had kids screaming at me and pooping on me and spitting up on me that when my husband comes home I want to go into a dark room and not talk or think or be touched. Haha I know i’m not the only one who can relate. Regular dates nights are essensiial for our marriage. We reconnect and dream and talk and I shave my legs and get the peanut butter out of my hair and wash it for the first time that week. It’s important to me and especially my husband. 

Have you ever wondered why dads don’t ever talk about Dad guilt? Why is it so easy for them to compartabmentalize their life? Adam always says “bree stop stressing so much. Our kids have a great life. They are loved, they get plenty of attention and they know they are safe.” You need to stop stressing about the little things. I think we could all use a little more of that advice. 

Anyways, once I let go of the mom guilt I refound myself. I remembered who i was and that I had interests and hobbies and needs too. I found a balance where I can be a happy healthy mom and work on things that also bring me joy. It doesnt’ have to be all or nothing.

One thing that made my mom guilt so much worse was comparing myself to others on instagram or pinterest. Don’t get me started on pinterest. That’s just not me. I will never be the pinterst mom. In fact you know those memes of the moms who post what its supposed to look like and what it actually looks like and its’ so bad you cant even recognize what they were trying to do? That me. Everytime. It’s just in me to be creative and artsy and crafty. It actually gives me anxiety. The twisted thing is I would look at all these instargam moms who do all these elaborate birthday day parties or have perfectly dressed children, or volunteer every day at their kids school and I envied them. I wondered how they made it look so easy. Why cant i be better like that? 

One thing I learned is that we all have different personalities. I am going to do a whole podcast on this but if you haven’t taken your enneagram test to know your personality type you should do that now. It’s so eye opening to see your personality traits and why you do the things you do. But when I took that test I realized that some people are 2’s. Some moms thrive by serving their children. It truly gives them joy. They love to volunteer and they love the day to day routine and it fufills them and makes them happy. Some moms are a 3. They thrive with achieving goals, and they like to be successful and they want to be accomplished outside of the home as well. Some moms are 4’s and they are artistic and creative and feel deeply and are a little more introverted. Some moms are a 7 like me. They don’t like the mundane parts of life. They want to play and have fun adventures and travel and explore and still have their own hobbies and their own interests as well as being a fun mom! 

Each mom is so unique and that’s the beauty of motherhood. The key is to know WHO you are and WHAT you truly want. Don’t be scared to pursue it. You are worth the work. You deserve to explore that side of you. You deserve to honor what you know your soul needs. You are not selfish. You are an amazing mother… however that looks for you. So lets let go of the mom guilt and support eachother. Love yourself and your motherhood in all it’s phases. 

Thank you for joining me today and remember I coach women in 8 week programs to help with mental, physical and emotional health. If you are interested check out my website www.bodybybree.com and if you liked this episode please remember to subscribe. Remember you are so much more than your body, you are strong, you are resilient and you are capable. I’ll see you back here next week.