Better Me with BodyByBree
Better Me with BodyByBree
Fight the New Drug with Natale McAneney
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This week Bree is talking with Natale McAneney. Natale McAneney is the Executive Director of Fight the New Drug—a global non-religious and non-legislative organization providing individuals the opportunity to make and informed decisions regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using science, facts, and personal accounts. Natale is passionate about providing resources to help this generation of youth navigate growing up in the digital age. With a BFA from Westminster College and comprehensive leadership experience, she works closely with Fight the New Drug’s team to curate educational programs and awareness campaigns that reach millions of engaged Fighters across the globe. Learn more at ftnd.org.
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And are you looking for a space where you will learn to improve your mental strength, emotional health, and feel your insecurities from the inside out to first that's a little bit more meaningful life just a better meaning with five by three sides? I'm your post-free. I'm a certified personal trainer, entrepreneur, and mother of three. I've helped empower thousands of women to take action through fitness, nutrition, meditation, personal development, and aligning thoughts with action. This podcast is for those who are ready to feel inspired and motivated to live a more purposeful life. Let's go together. Today's podcast is all about the effects of pornography and how it affects your mental health, our community, and your heart. We also discuss how to support a loved one in your life that might be struggling with compulsive pornography use. Natalie McKinney is the executive director of Fight the New Drug, a global non-religious and non-legislative organization providing individuals the opportunity to make informed decisions regarding pornography by raising awareness on its harmful effects using science, facts, and personal accounts. Natalie is passionate about providing resources to help this generation of youth navigate growing up in the digital age. With a BFA from Westminster College and comprehensive leadership experience, she works closely with Fight the New Drugs team to curate educational programs and awareness campaigns that reach millions of engaged fighters across the globe. I can't wait for you to listen. Hi Natalie, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for giving us your time.
SPEAKER_01Of course. I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was I was really excited that you were willing to do this because I'm a huge fan of Fight the New Drug, and I have been for years. And I actually don't know if you know this, but Adam, I guess, went to school with the founder of Fight the New Drug and they knew each other. And he was telling him this idea of when it first started. Wow. Yeah. He was like, this is the coolest thing. Like you should make this big, you know, like, yeah, hyping him up. And then he's like, he did it. That's so exciting.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's awesome. I didn't know that. That's great to know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So anyway, we're very, very passionate about Fight the New Drug. So for our listeners who don't know what it is, can you talk about the background of Fight the New Drug and why they wanted to share their message?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. So Fight the New Drug is a nonprofit organization. And we were founded back in 2009. As you mentioned, our our founders, we have four co-founders, and they were in college and they were kind of uh looking to start a social campaign on something. And long story short, the topic of pornography was brought up, and they thought, oh, that's you know really interesting. Um but as they started to look into it and and see the impact um it was having in some of the lives of people that they knew and loved, um, as well as um the amount of research that was available demonstrating that um there are significant impacts of pornography consumption, um, they thought, wow, this is something that's not really being talked about a lot. And this was at the time where uh in 2009, you know, cell phones were um around a little bit more, and it was people were starting to have the internet in their pockets everywhere they went, and so it was really starting to impact uh a generation of youth in a different way because of its accessibility than it had in in previous generations. And so they wanted to kind of start a social um campaign just to educate and raise awareness on this topic. Um, and so that's when uh Fight the New Drug was founded. And our mission officially as a nonprofit um is to educate and raise awareness on the harmful effects of pornography. You know, we exist to provide this information so that people can make informed decisions about pornography. Um and we use science, facts, and personal accounts. We're a non-religious and non-legislative organization. Um, and so we're really just, you know, over a decade later um trying to help provide resources and um make research easily available uh for people to be able to make an informed decision about pornography for themselves.
SPEAKER_00I love that. And you guys do such a good job at bringing like the human, the human side back into it. Cause I feel like with the demographic of people who are listening to my podcast, um, I feel like maybe, you know, most of them probably agree, like, yeah, you know, we I don't want my teen to look at pornography or I don't I don't want my child or my husband, but it's like I saw a statistic, tell me if I'm wrong, that 60% are women as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, what were you gonna say?
SPEAKER_01I was just gonna say, yeah, one uh study found that, but that's also, you know, it's self-reported data, so it's likely could be even more than that, right? An even greater percentage.
SPEAKER_00Right. So I feel like it's something that really affects every single person because it could be you, it could be your husband, it could be your teen. And so it's a conversation that we need to have and we need to be open about, and you're so great at that. So um, can you tell me what are some of the ways that pornography can alter your life in a negative way? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01So, as you mentioned, um, it kind of can impact anyone, right? There are decades of studies from respected academic institutions, as well as thousands of personal accounts from people who can speak to the fact that pornography can impact someone on an individual level, um, it can impact relationships, and it can also impact society, and it does impact society. And so looking, you know, at um there are obviously a number of ways it can impact individuals, but for your audience specifically, um, one big thing to consider is that pornography can impact mental health. Many porn consumers use porn as an escape mechanism or a self-soothing technique, and so they're turning to porn when they feel lonely or depressed. Um, but research actually indicates that those who consume pornography to avoid uncomfortable emotions have some of the lowest reports of emotional and mental well-being. So that's pretty significant that it's it's something that people are often turning to as a coping mechanism, and it's actually decreasing that level of mental health and well-being for those individuals. Um, and there are also a number of peer-reviewed studies that have found that there's a link between pornography consumption and mental health outcomes like depression and anxiety and loneliness, lower life satisfaction, um, poor self-esteem, and overall mental health, right? So this is something that we're seeing a lot in the research, and we're also seeing a lot from people who are sharing their personal stories. And, you know, we've just gone through, we're still going through this global pandemic, and that's something that a lot of people have experienced isolation throughout this and um also impacts to their mental health. And as people are more isolated and spending more time online to connect, you know, pornography is readily available in in that space for them. And um, it's something that we're seeing is actually not helping in the ways that some people might think if they're seeking it out. So mental health is a pretty big one. Um, also with regard to like sexual expectations, right? So um whether that's in a relationship between adults just with regard to um what they might expect, or if it's, you know, among teens, especially, which is something that a lot of parents and caregivers are really um concerned about and focused on, you know, according to a nationally representative survey of US teens, 84.4% of 14 to 18-year-old boys and 57% of 14 to 18-year-old girls have viewed pornography. So that's something that is pretty telling in in terms of um that's an age that, you know, young people's brains are still developing. Um in many cases, yeah, in many cases they're learning from pornography. Um and it's shaping their expectations when it comes to intimacy. Um, you know, we we hear a lot of stories from people who message us or email us, um, but one that really sticks with me is um there was an individual who went on his first date with a girl, and um it was going well, and they went to kiss, and he ended up choking her. And she obviously was startled and um did not appreciate or enjoy that. And he was really genuinely confused because he thought that's what she wanted, because that's what he um had seen. Yeah, and so it, you know, that's just one example, but there's a lot of um content uh online, there's a lot happening in pornography that is informing the ways that young people um engage in intimacy. And often, you know, as we know from research, uh pornography often fuels objectification, um, especially of women and girls, but it also often um promotes, you know, submission to a high threshold or tolerance of violence in uh an intimate relationship. And um, that's something that uh is is really tough to navigate when you're a teenager, right? And you can't separate um what you're seeing from what you may actually experience in reality. And this is really concerning, uh, especially considering how unrealistic and toxic porn can be. So, according to uh actually a 2021 study, one out of every eight porn titles show shown to first-time visitors on porn sites describe acts of sexual violence in the title, right? So pornography is often um glorifying and and glamorizing sexual violence, and it is uh impacting the way that young people um experience intimacy, but also the way that we as a society look at sexual violence and think about sexual violence and rape culture. Um, and so those are just a couple of examples of ways that pornography can negatively impact your own life. Um, but also really it can impact every aspect of your life, right? Your relationships that are romantic, but also your platonic relationships. If someone is spending time in isolation because they're more interested in consuming pornography than spending time with friends or with family, um, that's going to impact those relationships, right? If they're um normalizing objectification um while they consume pornography, uh it can change the way that someone views the people around them. And so it's really important to consider that um, you know, pornography isn't just something, it's been normalized in society as just something that's there, but it's really important to um consider, you know, why have we normalized it and why aren't we asking questions about the impacts it's act actually having on a societal scale?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I have so many things to ask you and so comment on. So the first is I love how you have personal accounts on your Instagram because I think it helps. I watch it, I watch your Instagram like every day. I love it. Um I love how you bring in people who have either had uh an addiction to pornography and then it's like their story. So how it started, how they got wrapped up in it, how they were able to overcome it. And maybe they are still struggling, but it's like their story and how it affected them. And nine times out of 10, they say that they were depressed and anxious and had suicidal thoughts, and it made them not feel like themselves. And so the mental aspect was what I was super interested in hearing. And then also hearing, um, I remember one, you had like this Christian 16-year-old girl. And she was like, I know that I'm not the stereotypical like person who views porn. And so that was really cool to see because I think when you open up the conversation, like it's not just men, it's not just, you know, teenage boys, it's affecting everyone. Then it gives them permission to come forward and be like, I struggle with this, and this is hard for me. And I also loved how you had um women who were actually in pornography videos, and they'd share their stories and say, like, how violent it is behind the scenes and how horrible and terrifying it is for them and the impact it had on their life. And a lot of them were sex trafficked into it or coerced and they didn't know what they were getting into. And that makes you think before you view it, you're like, holy cow, this is like a whole crazy, you know, crazy thing that's this industry that's going on. And so I love how you shed light on that with personal experiences. And that's what I think, you know, gets to people the most is when they can relate. And so you do a job at that. So if listeners, if you have not seen their Instagram, you need to go subscribe to their Instagram. It is incredible. And they have so many great um like statistics and videos and things to help with you or your husband or your children or whoever in your life. I think everyone needs to know about it. Um, and then the other thing that I was gonna comment on that I love is how you talk about self and then your environment and then society, or it's like your brain, your environment and society, and how pornography affects all of them and your heart. And so, anyway, you just hit every aspect and I love it. I love how how you guys do that at every single angle. So, um how yes, you're so great at that. Um, how do you know if you have a compulsive porn like habit or if it's an addiction? How do you know?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a really good question. Um, and also one thing I want to add, just to speak to what you just said, is that there's a lot of power in a personal story, right? And this topic is typically pretty taboo and difficult for people to talk about, um, especially if they are struggling with pornography or if they have a compulsive habit or even an addiction. And so this is something that um sharing personal stories can help destigmatize this and kind of break that taboo and humanize this in a way that we can remove shame from the topic and really get at the root of, you know, what might be happening in order to help people. And so I appreciate that you brought that up because it's super relevant to this. You know, if someone is listening, regardless of, you know, their age or their gender, um, they could be struggling with a compulsive um pornography uh consumption habit. And so it's something that uh, you know, we want to note that dying diagnosing an addiction or even a compulsion is best left to a certified professional or psychologist, a counselor. Um, so if someone is is seeking, you know, information, if they are struggling at that level, then we absolutely recommend, you know, to look up some local professionals uh in your area and to reach out to them. Um but a lot of research does use the phrase problematic pornography consumption when it's speaking to um a level of compulsion or consumption that is elevated, uh, that many individuals describe as something being beyond their control. And so um, if you kind of think about this in terms of, you know, a pro what is problematic pornography consumption as an umbrella term, um, research really suggests that the habit starts to become problematic when it begins to affect your life negatively. Um, and if you can't seem to quit, if it starts to escalate, um, if you begin to consume types of pornography that you previously were uninterested in, um, or if it's affecting your sex life negatively. Like those are all indicators that it could be um becoming problematic uh in terms of a a personal um for you personally. Obviously, you know, as we just mentioned, there are societal implications of consuming pornography that are always worth considering. But in terms of, you know, if something is a compulsive habit or possibly an addiction, um there are there are some ways to indicate that. Uh on our website, we have a few resources. If you kind of search uh at fightthenwrug.org, we have a little search bar and you can search like, do I have a porn problem? And we have a few resources that have some tools and tests that can help walk someone through that. Um but again, I think it's it's important for people to know whether or not you're struggling with pornography. You know, if you're a parent or a caregiver, um your child might be struggling or your spouse might be struggling, or your partner, significant other, if you're dating in a relationship. And so um, the the more you can be educated about the impacts of pornography, um the better prepared you'll be to be able to have a healthy conversation about that with someone. Uh, and if you are struggling, the more educated you can be, the the easier a conversation will be to help you find some support that you might need to be able to overcome that.
SPEAKER_00I love that. And I think like I'm just trying to think about, you know, the the people who are listening, like, how do you bring that up with let's say you're suspicious of your child, or maybe not even suspicious? Maybe you just haven't ever had the conversation and like asked your child or asked your husband. Like, have you ever been like, hey, do you struggle with this? Like, can I help you with this? How you know, is there a way to go about doing that, or do you have resources that you can help with that?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Um, that is one of the trickiest conversations to navigate, especially if someone has never had that conversation. So if um listeners, if you wanted to go to FTND for fight the new drug, ftnd.org slash blueprint, um, we've created kind of an interactive blueprint that will essentially walk anyone through a conversation with whomever they want. So you can kind of select, I'm a parent and I want to talk to my child, or I'm, you know, a friend and I want to talk to a stranger, or you know, whatever. Um, and this will walk you through kind of different pieces to consider when you're preparing to have the conversation, um, to make sure that you are kind of mentally and emotionally ready to do that and that you have the information you need to do that in a way that is healthy and productive both for you and the person that you're speaking to. Um, and we even have there some kind of uh like prompt starters, you know, phrases to use or ways to open the conversation, uh, and also some tips on what to do if they respond this way or that way. Um, at the end of the day, obviously, you know, that's a tool. There's no one size fits all for these conversations. Um, but it can help, I think, prepare anyone to go into a conversation like this in a way that's going to make sure you have clear boundaries, you are safe and protected if you're speaking to someone else about um, you know, especially a partner in a romantic relationship about uh what they might be struggling with, but it's also going to prepare you to have the healthiest conversation to help whoever you're speaking to. So, you know, research shows that uh shame only perpetuates a struggle with pornography. Uh, it often doesn't help it. And so uh we really advocate for removing shame from the conversation if possible, because that's the best way to help someone overcome a struggle with pornography, um, is to be able to remove shame, remove that barrier, and allow people to kind of dive into what might actually be behind this for them. And so um having some resources, being really well educated on this topic. We've got lots of information on our website. There are lots of other amazing resources, um, especially when talking to kids. A lot of our resources will help prepare you to talk to um youth ages middle school and up. We have a documentary series called Brainheart World. It's free to view online. At Brainheartworld.org. And you can watch that with your families. Again, that's kind of rated for middle school and up. But it's three short episodes that are youth-friendly, that are designed for young people, that use research and personal accounts to talk about this in an engaging way that removes shame from the conversation. So sometimes something like that, a tool like that, can act as a conversation starter, or you know, one of these shorter videos on our YouTube or on Instagram, as you mentioned earlier. Or sometimes it's just broaching the topic and saying, hey, you know, have you, you know, for youth it's not so much if they'll see it, it's when they see it. And parents and caregivers are hesitant to um pique curiosity. They don't want to bring it up if their child hasn't yet uh seen it or isn't aware of what it is. But even if your kid doesn't have a smartphone, they have friends who do, right? And and they will see it eventually, they will be exposed to it, they will possibly even seek it out. So um, especially as a parent to be able to clearly identify to your child that you are a safe person, that they can talk to about this, and that they're not going to get in trouble, and that you just want them to be open and honest with you, um, is really going to be a great way to set up a relationship early on where they'll talk to you about these things. Um, because if you're not talking to your kid about, you know, pornography andor sex, they will Google it. This is the generation that is used to being able to look up whatever they need to know online and have an instant answer. And um we always say, trust us, you would rather be the one to teach your kid about these topics than the internet or pornography, right? So yeah, there are lots of resources available though, but it is important to have healthy conversations.
SPEAKER_00I love that you give all of those resources. That's so helpful. Is there an age that you suggest like you bring it up with your child?
SPEAKER_01That's a great question. So um it is gonna be a a little bit more um case-by-case dependent. You know, some parents really know um if their child is of a certain age and is completely unaware of what this is or isn't ready for this information. Um, but again, you know, a couple of different uh studies show that most kids are kind of exposed by the age of 13. Um But, you know, we've heard from many people who say, when I was six, when I was seven, when I was eight. So kids are um being exposed pretty young, seeking this out pretty young. Um, it's getting younger and younger. You know, sometimes there's accidental exposure when a kid is playing a game online or something and they mistype a word or they click on an ad or something like that that takes them to a site, and often they're too young to even really understand what's happening, um, but they do know they might get in trouble, so then they don't want to talk to an adult about it. That's a pretty common scenario that we hear. Um, I will say a lot of our resources are for ages middle school and up, although they will certainly educate a parent to be prepared to talk about this with their kid at any age, but there is an organization called Defend Young Minds that has really great resources for parents of young kids to start having this conversation in an appropriate way from a pretty young age, um, and then building on that over the years so that it's just a natural part of the conversation parents are having with kids. So I would absolutely recommend that you guys go check out their organization and the resources they have if you have young kids. Um and uh I would encourage parents to have the conversation sooner rather than later. Um, you can ask some questions to your kids and and gauge or not, you know, you think they really it's time for them based on how well you know your kids, but likely um they will be ready for this conversation sooner than you think.
SPEAKER_00Right. And I think it's scary to talk to your spouse about it too. Like when I when I first brought it up with Adam, I was like, hey, like, you know, has this ever been an issue for you? Or like tell me your experience with pornography? Like what what impact did this have on you? And when was your first encounter? And we just had this like open dialogue. But at first I was kind of nervous to bring it up. Like I was like, this is a personal thing, and I never wanted him to feel shame either way, whatever his answer was. But I was kind of nervous. I was like, I don't know if I want to know the answer to this, but absolutely, but I was so glad because we have such an open dialogue with it, and it's not like you know, it's not this secretive thing. Like we're able to talk to each other. And yeah, and whenever you can talk to each other, like you said, I think that's where they like where the the magic is, is when absolutely open dialogue, open communication. So I know that that is so important and I'm so grateful that you share resources for that.
SPEAKER_01Um I do want to add really quickly because that's actually a lot of parents, especially if a parent is currently struggling with pornography or has struggled, they don't feel like they can talk to their kids about this because they're nervous that it will be hypocritical, or they don't want to bring it up at all because they don't want to, they don't want to, you know, have to broach the topic of what they're struggling with. Um, but you know, if anything, that makes a parent more qualified to talk to a young person about this because they understand um how much it can actually impact someone. And so I would just encourage anyone who might feel like they can't talk to their spouse or their kid about this because they're struggling with it to consider having the conversation anyway, because um you can speak to the impacts of this pretty well if if you're being impacted by it.
SPEAKER_00And maybe like do some habits that they wish they would have done early on, you know, like help help so that they don't end up in the same spot. So absolutely. Yeah, I love that. And I know that you guys don't have a religious affiliation, and I actually love that. Why did you choose to go that route?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a good question. So um, you know, regardless of age or ethnicity or gender or sexual orientation or religious affiliation or political persuasions or any diversifying factor, you know, research and personal accounts are showing us that porn can impact anyone and everyone. And so, of course, there are resources that are, you know, religiously affiliated that talk about this or that are focused on legislation on these areas. Um, if someone is seeking those out, they're they're available. Um, but we really felt like there weren't a lot of resources in this space that were just focused on education and awareness, um, without, you know, any barrier of entry for discussion. And so, because anyone can be impacted by these things, we want to educate everyone who is seeking information on this. Pornography is easily accessible, and we want the science facts and personal accounts about the harms of pornography to be easily accessible to everyone. And so that's how we approach this topic. Um, and we've been able to reach a lot of people across the globe because of it. You know, we have a global movement of millions of fighters who are diverse in their backgrounds and their beliefs, but they're united on um understanding the harms of pornography and wanting to uh create cultural change on this issue so that it's not something that's normalized.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I actually saw a bunch of celebrities that were um supporting Fight the New Drug and they were talking about their stories and how they were addicted to pornography and how it like ruined their life. And they were like, I I had to, you know, quit. And it's really something that really affects you. And I thought that was so cool that they were able to come out and talk about that. So I I do love that you're able to get all different backgrounds. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01And you know, to your point, it it's great that celebrities are sharing their stories, but it's also um pretty amazing when anyone shares their story. You know, whether you're reaching one person or 10 people or millions of people, it can make a difference for someone to hear something that you know they might be ashamed about or be keeping a secret, and then to hear how many other people have had the exact same experience. It can it can be really um monumental in terms of bringing education and awareness about this topic and understanding.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And I'm actually doing an interview, a podcast interview with Mint Arrow on Wednesday. Awesome. I don't know if you know who she is, but yeah, she is a huge influencer in Utah, and she's been very public about her husband's addiction to pornography and her journey through it and the ups and the downs, and so candid, and it's like so incredible to just watch um how how open they've been and how vulnerable they've been. And I'm just watching that, I'm like, I bet they are helping so many people just by being open about it. And it's so cool. So anyway, I'm excited that you guys are sharing examples. And um, one of the things that I'm super passionate about is sex trafficking. And so I'm a part of the Underground Railroad movement, I guess you could call it. But um, when I was watching your guys' videos that you have, I could not believe the stories of women and men who were trafficked into pornography or filmed as children. And so, how does bringing awareness to this issue help to humanize the experience so that we can start de-glorifying pornography? Yeah, that's a great question.
SPEAKER_01Um, and also something, you know, a lot of people don't realize. Uh, it's it's easy for a lot of people to say, yeah, sex trafficking is a problem, we should fight against that, but a lot of people don't realize that pornography and sex trafficking are um fairly inseparably linked, you know, one industry supports the other. So um there are a couple of different ways that they're linked. First, as you mentioned, um, there are people who are trafficked into pornography. Um, sometimes they're trafficked as minors, sometimes uh sex trafficking happens when they're an adult. So the legal definition of sex trafficking is um if anyone, um a minor under the age of 18, um, or if uh the force fraud or coercion is used to induce a commercial sex act. And so, you know, as you mentioned in some of these stories that we have of former porn performers um who were in the pornography industry and who um other people, you know, would look at and say, oh, they've chosen to be a performer. Um, they've actually experienced, by definition, sex trafficking in the pornography industry because they've experienced force fraud or coercion um to induce a commercial sex act, or they've been under the age of 18. And a lot of people don't consider that because they think, well, you know, it's in the porn industry, so they signed a paper to give their consent, or um, filmed a video to give their consent. And um, a lot of the former performers we've spoken with have said, um, well, yeah, I signed that paper because I was being threatened, um, or you know, my pay would be withheld and I needed to eat and feed my child and pay my rent, or um I was drugged, or I was, you know, uh physically forced, or whatever it is, um, these that can happen within the industry as well, and a lot of people don't realize that. Um, a lot of people also assume well, if someone is on a porn site, then they must have consented to this and they must be over the age of 18. Um, but there is no way to guarantee the age of someone on the other side of the screen, and there is no way to guarantee consent of someone in pornography. Uh pornography is often filmed without people knowing, um, and that videos, you know, videos or images that media is then uploaded to pornography sites, and those people are exploited. Um, and that can happen with minors, that can happen with adults. Um, revenge pornography is another way that's kind of a common term of, you know, someone had material of someone when they were in a relationship and then they broke up and someone was mad, so they uploaded that material of the person their ex-partner to a site, um, which is exploiting another person, right? And so there are a lot of different ways that these industries are feeling each other. Um, and also especially for minors, as you mentioned earlier, you know, if pornography isn't being um made of trafficking victims, especially those who are minors, um, it's often used to groom trafficking victims uh as to what is expected of them in terms of um, you know, if if they are going to be having an interaction with someone that's set up by their pimp or whomever, uh pornography is used, is shown to them to groom them uh for what is expected. And we've heard that from a lot of survivors as well. And so it's something that um because we've normalized porn so much as a society as just something that's there and that's harmless, um, a lot of people don't consider all of the um all of the problematic pieces of pornography that happen in the mainstream pornography industry. Um, and you know, there's uh been a lot of information about um Pornhub, which is uh the largest porn site in the world owned by MindGeek, um which owns most of the large porn sites in the world. Uh and they're based in Canada. And uh there's a Canadian parliamentary investigation actually right now into um Pornhub because of uh the platform hosting non-consensual content where um these survivors, you know, had content uploaded without their consent or it was made without their consent, um, and they're being exploited on these platforms. And and it's there aren't a lot of you know regulations for that. But this issue is so significant and it is so interconnected to so many other societal issues, many of which we're addressing regularly, but somehow we're not addressing pornography on a societal level regularly.
SPEAKER_00I definitely am feeling a shift. Like I'm definitely feeling like people's eyes are being a little more open to, like, oh, you know, this is linked to sex trafficking and hearing stories of women being like, I was raped when I was eight years old and it was on the Pornhub website. Like they're they're sharing their stories and it's getting out and people are able to see the damage. I definitely am feeling a shift, which is which is amazing. And so I feel like with all of this information that we have, what would what would your advice be if you have a loved one who's struggling with um either addiction or a compulsive um cons consumption, what would you suggest? Like how can they help their loved one? That's a great question.
SPEAKER_01Um, so the first thing to do is to make sure that, especially if it's, you know, a your romantic partner, um, but also if it's a child or a friend, a family member, it's important that uh you take care of yourself first. Um you will only be able to help them if you have the capacity to do that, right? So you need to be sure that you have clear boundaries of you know what you're actually able to do, um, how how much you can really help them and still take care of your own mental health and and well-being. A lot of the time, uh partners of porn consumers will um will feel, you know, will blame themselves in some way, right? It they'll compare themselves to um the individuals in pornography, you know, what their bodies look like or you know, the expectations that they think they won't be able to live up to. And a lot of the time they will feel like their partner is seeking out pornography instead of a relationship, you know, with them. And those are completely valid feelings. Um, so any partner of a porn consumer, I want to, you know, validate if you've had those feelings, validate them for yourself if you have those feelings. Um, at the same time, it's also true that for many porn consumers who are struggling, uh, especially as adults in romantic relationships, this is likely something that they've struggled with for many, many, many years. Um, and often it started when they were young. It started as you know, a coping mechanism or something that became part of their regular routine when they were young and often before they even met their current partner. So for them, there's a lot more. Um, often there are many additional layers to a struggle with pornography, uh, especially within a romantic relationship. And so if a partner is wanting to help their partner who may be struggling, uh take care of yourself first. Make sure that you have safe boundaries. Um, if you have capacity to be an accountability partner uh for your partner, you could talk with them about, you know, would it be helpful if you checked in with them every so often? Would it be helpful uh if you two decide together to set up filtration for your devices at home? Um there are kind of different ways and different levels that you could commit to helping that you can kind of decide together, but um all the while still protecting yourself and making sure you have clear boundaries of what's gonna keep your mental health stable and um and you in a safe and healthy place through that. Um, but again, the other piece of this that's the most helpful is to let people know that you're a person who's there for them. So that can really apply in a romantic relationship, but also as a parent, as a friend, to say, hey, if this is something you're struggling with, I'm a safe person and I don't want to shame you for you know what you might be going through, but I am happy to help if I can. Um, and if you're someone who's overcome a struggle with pornography, uh you can absolutely help someone by sharing um what your experience was like and and offering you know some support. So those are all options. Um, additionally, though, you know, counselors and therapists are great resources as well. So if it's something where you personally don't feel like you have the capacity to be the support system for uh your spouse or your you know partner or a friend or a family member, um, sometimes encouraging them to seek out uh other resources, counselors or therapists or some online resources we could talk about as well, um, is is the best thing that you can do.
SPEAKER_00I love that. And I love that you talked about not shaming them and being a safe place, because I think that's probably the hardest um for men to for men and for children. Like that's embarrassing. You don't want to like, you don't want to tell your mom, you know, like that it you do feel bad about it, you know, and and as a husband, like you don't want to tell your wife, like they're gonna look at you differently and probably feel bad about you. And so yeah, I think if they have the courage to tell you to be like to be open and loving and you know, like you said, maybe take the shame out of it. And if it's too much, finding an expert. I love that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, thank you and also much, you know, me. Sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00No, you go, you go.
SPEAKER_01I was just gonna say, and also to take the shame out for yourself, you know, if you are the partner of the person struggling, uh you don't we don't want to put shame on yourself, but also, you know, if you're a wife, women who struggle often experience shame at much greater levels than men because societally it's accepted that men consume porn, but it's not really talked about that women consume porn, even though a lot of women are struggling with this. So if you're a woman who's consuming porn as well, you know, making sure that um you're not shaming yourself as well for that and that you're getting the tools that you need as well.
SPEAKER_00I love that. I love that so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. This was so helpful and hopefully it helps some listeners, some family members, some loved ones. I just am so grateful for your message for the organization and also for your time. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We appreciate you. Can you um tell our listeners where they can find all of your resources? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01So um fightthenwrug.org or ftnd.org. Um, we've got videos there, we've got articles, we break down research, um, we have links to our documentary series called Brainheart Worlds, um, we have links to our podcast called Consider Before Consuming. Um, all of that content uh typically features experts or advocates or um individuals who have personal accounts to share. Um also if you go to ftnd.org slash fortify, F-O-R-T-I-F-Y, um, those are our affiliate partners at Fortify. That's a great recovery resource. It's online, um, it's easily accessible, it's really interactive, it's really well kind of put together and constructed, and they do have some free resources available as well. So if you are seeking out resources for recovery or know someone who is, that's a great tool. Um and um actually that might be all. I guess follow us on social media, as you mentioned. Um we share content across all social media platforms really regularly. We have lots of campaigns. Um, our biggest campaign of the year is called No Porn November, and um that's something where we share lots of resources. We encourage people to speak out about this topic and start conversations. Um, we share lots of research, but we also have a No Porn November challenge where we encourage individuals um to try giving up porn for 30 days to see if they notice, you know, any positive impacts of doing that. So um we've got lots of great resources there. There are lots of other incredible organizations doing really good work in the same space as well. Um, so again, feel free to search the internet for your local city and find some resources near you as well.
SPEAKER_00Awesome. Thank you so much. Um I give five people there. Thank you for your time and I will talk to you later, Natalie. Sounds great. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Thank you for joining us in today's episode. If you liked the content and want to hear more, remember to hit that subscribe button and write a review. As a small business owner, I appreciate it more than you know. If you are looking for a program to help with self-confidence, to lose weight, get in shape, and work on your mental, physical, and emotional health, check out my training programs on www.bodyfibree.com. My team and I help to hold you accountable through the Body Vibrary app, where you log in to see all your workouts, custom meal plan made specifically for you and your needs, and communication through the messenger. You are never alone when you're on the Body Vibrary Training Program. Click the link in the show notes to get more information on how to transform your life from the inside out.
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