Better Me with BodyByBree
Better Me with BodyByBree
Embracing Feminine with Julie Santiago
Can embracing your feminine energy transform both your business and personal life? This episode promises insights into finding that perfect balance between masculine and feminine energies with our guest, Julie Santiago, a high-power CEO who transitioned from the high-stakes environment of Wall Street to empowering women to harness their intuitive and nurturing sides. We examine how society's emphasis on productivity and logic often marginalizes intuition, emotions, and cyclic living, and Julie shares her journey and wisdom on overcoming resistance to these undervalued principles. We also address the significant personal impacts of adopting masculine roles in relationships, such as increased anxiety and imbalance, and the importance of aligning with our natural systems to foster well-being.
We dive into the essential equilibrium of masculine and feminine energies for holistic health, particularly in parenting. Julie and I discuss how individuals may naturally align with one type of energy but benefit immensely from integrating both. This conversation is a call to slow down and create space for stillness and nurturance amidst societal pressures for constant activity. We offer actionable steps to embrace your feminine side, beginning with healing the body and mind to reduce anxiety and cultivate a more harmonious family environment.
Want more? Find and follow Bree on
www.bodybybree.com
Instagram
Pinterest
YouTube
Blog
Are you looking for a space where you will learn to improve your mental strength, emotional health and heal your insecurities from the inside out? Take the first step to living a more meaningful life with the Better Me with Body by Brie podcast. I'm your host, brie. I'm a certified personal trainer, entrepreneur and mother of three. I've helped empower thousands of women to take action through fitness, nutrition, meditation, personal development and aligning thoughts with action. This podcast is for those who are ready to feel inspired and motivated to live a more purposeful life. Let's grow together, julie. Welcome to the podcast. How?
Speaker 2:are you? I love. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you, I'm so happy, we're so lucky to the podcast. How are you? I love, I'm so happy to be here, thank you.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy, we're so lucky to have you Like. I mean, you guys don't know Julie. I know Julie and she is just a boss babe, a high power CEO, but also the most grounded, beautiful, loving soul you'll ever meet. And the second I met you I was like I'm so drawn to your energy, like whatever you're doing is working, like I was a magnet to you. You're just incredible.
Speaker 2:Well, we were sitting across the room from each other, right, and this mastermind that we're in, and you were like one of the first people to talk and I had never met you and I didn't know about what you did in your work. And I was just staring at you and I was like I re, I want to be her friend, I really I like her, I like her so much. And then we sat at dinner together that first night and like we're like in our own little corner, um, loving up on each other, and I feel like I've learned so much from you and you're such a, you're such a amazing mama and teach me so much just in how you do your life. So I'm excited to have this conversation today.
Speaker 1:Well, I was thinking of what would be the best way to kind of benefit our audience, and what we're both very passionate about is the power of living in your feminine energy for not just business but also life, and I know a lot of our listeners are stay at home moms or they do work, and I think we can really help them. So, yes, I want you to kind of give them just a quick background of what you do and how you help women, so they know how incredible you are. Sure.
Speaker 2:So I think it's always really important to talk about what I mean when, what maybe even we mean when we talk about the feminine energy, that it's not even necessarily about being a woman, but it's about these energies, these these archetypes of what feminine is and what maybe masculine is. And you know, you know a little bit about my background, which is, you know, I worked on wall Street for a long time. I'm really good at doing the masculine things, and I think it's important for all of us to get on the same page that we live in this world that is very patriarchal and still, unfortunately, very misogynistic and sexist and capitalist. And so we live in this world where the masculine principles, the qualities that are more masculine going and doing and getting shit done, and productivity and using our brain and data they have been elevated in our society as more beneficial. And so we are all swimming in those waters that tell us that, in order to be a good mom, in order to be a good employee, a good CEO, a good anything, then our worth, in a way, is based on what we do and not on who we are.
Speaker 2:And the feminine principles are it's not actually about doing, it's about being, and it's not just about the head, it's also about the heart and it's about the body and it's about feelings, and it's about living cyclically and not linearly.
Speaker 2:And because these things have been made less than you will in society as a whole, most women also and men reject these feminine qualities in ourselves, so we feel guilty when we sit still, we feel disconnected from our bodies and from our feelings, right, which know all about in your incredible work, brie. And so part of the work that I do with women is to heal the parts of us that roll our eyes when we hear the feminine, you know, to heal the wounds in us that are like, oh, feelings or intuition, or oh right, and then to really start to live in a way that is more in harmony with our own nature as women, and so we can unpack so many of those things. But that's the essence of it is to learn a way, a new way, a way that's actually more in alignment with how our natural systems are meant to operate, so that we don't burn out, so that we don't get exhausted or bitter or resentful or sick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I feel like we learned this a lot, even in our mastermind too. For those of you that don't know, we had this feminine coach come in and it was so eyeopening to kind of hear what she was talking about, because I didn't realize why I was feeling anxious. And it's because I had taken on the, the more masculine part of my relationship with Adam, not just even in work, like in my marriage. I was like because he's starting a business and so I was like, okay, I'm responsible for the bills. And all of a sudden I started being bossy, I started coming home and being like I'm taking care of the house, I'm doing, and so it was this very weird switch in our relationship and it doesn't feel good, it's we're not supposed to live in that. Um, you know that masculine, and it does make you kind of feel anxious and it doesn't make you feel where you're supposed to be. So that was so eyeopening for me.
Speaker 2:And I think I like that you talked about, like how we do it in relationships, because I I think we do it in so many places, you know, and there's two things that I want to say that there's this incredible quote that I can't remember who said it, it's not mine, but it says in times of stress, we revert back to the patterns that we're most comfortable with. And I think, like in this kind of post-pandemic world, in the world like we're in an election year, it's like the world's on fire. Things are really hard for a lot of people. We've all been through big grief events and in times of really deep stress, when we don't know how to be with that stress, it's really easy to revert back to old patterns, and for most women, some of those patterns revolve around control.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's it, that's the key around control.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's it, that's the key control which may, which puts us in the masculine Cause. We don't, if we're controlling, we're trying to force, we're trying to do, we're trying to go versus like I'm surrendered, I can receive, I can let go, and so you know, it makes sense to me that I mean I, I've done this, I'm the breadwinner in my family, and to me that I mean I, I've done this, I'm the breadwinner in my family. And and it's so easy to be like when I am not in trust or when I'm in fear, I will, I will hijack every situation with my masculine qualities, like I know how to make shit happen. You know, like I come from a line of women who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and knew how to get stuff done, and so there's a deep unwinding that has to happen inside of our nervous system to feel safe enough to be in some of these feminine principles.
Speaker 1:I think Well, I was just going to ask that. So if you, it's one thing knowing like, okay, I'm living in my masculine and it doesn't feel good, how do you still be powerful and live in your feminine? Because to me this was something we really talked about in our workshop was I was like, well, I like living in my masculine, like I wear it as a badge of honor, like I get stuff done and I own a business and I don't just sit by the sidelines, and for some reason in my mind, feminine was like oh, you're soft and you're weak, and so let's kind of talk about how you can still be powerful and what the benefits are to living in your feminine versus your masculine.
Speaker 2:Well, I love this, I love this question and this inquiry. So much Brie. And you know, I think one of the things that I want to say is, like I am a student of this just as much as a teacher of it, like this is my life's work, which means, you know and there's a saying, we teach what we need to learn that I, too, like I'm really good at doing all of the things of running the business, of taking care of the bills and the money and investing, and you know, I have a team of almost 15 people and you know it serves me. And so I want to be really clear in our conversation together and for all of you listening, this isn't either or. And I think that's where, especially the women that I work with, many of them are mothers, many of them are high achieving, maybe successful in their careers, for sure, and it feels like when we start talking about the masculine and feminine, it's almost like there's a swing way over to like, yeah, no, I don't care about anything, I'm going to quit my job or I'm going to not take care of the house and I'm not going to do anything. You know, I'm not going to care about money, I'm not going to care about structure. I'm not going to. It's not that.
Speaker 2:The point of what I believe is happening right now is like, what we're trying to heal on the planet is that there is an imbalance for all of us, and we have elevated the masculine principles as a society, and so it's not about getting rid of them. They're so valid, they're so important. It's form. You know, there's a example of what masculine and feminine is, which is the teacup, and you could think about the masculine being the cup right, or even the bowl right. The bowl, it's the form, it's the structure, and the water that goes in it is the feminine. If you didn't have this cup, if you didn't have the mug, there would be no way to enjoy, appreciate, receive the feminine, even if you cupped your hands. The cup of your hands is the masculine, it's the form, it's the structure, but without, so without the cup, the feminine couldn't be appreciated, and without the water itself, there would be no purpose to the masculine. And so it's not an either or it's what we're all being.
Speaker 2:I believe what we're all being called to learn is how to integrate both, and so it's not this like I can only be powerful in this one way it's actually learning some of these, I would dare say, long forgotten feminine secrets, these feminine superpowers of what is it like to lead as a woman? What is it like to lead as a woman? What is it like to lead in my feminine which doesn't mean I'm doing that all the time, in that way, like all of the ways we think about, like laying on the couch, doing nothing, just being, it's like no, like real power, I believe, comes from that integration between the part of you and me, brie, and many people who are like I know how to get shit done, and then the part of me that knows when to stop and feel my feelings and take care of my body. Go play tennis, right?
Speaker 1:So what are the what let's get? Give an example of like what living in your feminine versus living in your masculine looks like, or maybe some of the attributes of feminine versus masculine, so that they can kind of identify that.
Speaker 2:Great. So there's so many ways to look at these archetypes right. There's, of course, the yin and the yang, which has been present for cultures for many years, the yin and the yang, or the moon, which is represented as the feminine and the sun, and I know we talked about this a moment ago, but you could even just draw a line on your page and start writing feminine and masculine side by side. So, with yin and yang, moon and sun being doing heart, head, intuition versus logic, right, collaboration. Feminine versus competition, masculine right, cyclical, seasonal, that's the feminine right, linear, single-pointed, focused, masculine. Got it. And so, for all, I mean, I think a great test right now for everybody who's listening to this is first of all, just to like check in which side do you tend to live on? And you could even take it further and say well, which side do I tend to be in with my children?
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm definitely masculine. With my children I'm like let's go, let's get it done, let's do chores, we're on a schedule, let's go, like I and trying to embrace more of that nurturing, loving side, and isn't it okay? Sorry, I have so many questions. One of my questions is um, why is it bad to live in one or the other? Because I know, even for men, it's not good for them to live in their feminine, like men have to live in their masculine too. They have to feel like a man, they have to feel like a provider. So why is it not good to lean too far to one side?
Speaker 2:Well, there's a lot of different philosophies about this right, and the primary philosophy is that we all have a primary energy that feels natural to us right. Oftentimes, people who identify as women will tend to want to naturally be in the feminine more, even if they've been conditioned to be in the masculine right, and people who have been born into male bodies tend to want to embrace more of those masculine qualities more.
Speaker 2:And there's also just like hormones around this that men have and women have. They're slightly different, right? This isn't touching the issues of, of, of gender, or those who are gender fluid or who may not connect with one or the other, but in general, whether you're gay or straight, right or non binary, we tend to identify with one more than the other, like our core, even if we're using another one, right? Okay, so then men, yes, need to be in their masculine, but they also really need to be in their feminine as well. Right, they need the balance like us.
Speaker 2:They need the balance like us and it might be their primary energy. Like my husband's, primary energy is masculine, but he's had to really learn how to be with his feelings, how to listen to his body, how to connect, how to be more verbal and more emotional and intuitive. The patriarchy way of the masculine is better than the feminine has really created these toxic patterns that impact us all, men or women. And so you know, you ask, well, like why can't we just be in one or the other? And I'm thinking about your incredible work with food and healing and body, and like the way that you embrace like 80, 20, right, yeah, right. And it's like that's kind of it. It's like, well, because I can't expect myself to eat, you know, raw whole foods 100% of the time, yeah, and I also absolutely wouldn't want to be eating fast food 100% of the time, and it's kind of that.
Speaker 2:You know, like, speaking to you and knowing the work that you do and you help people with, it's like how can we again move beyond? Like it's either this or that, and it's like, okay, cool, as a mother you're talking about as a mother. Mothering, even though it's one of the most nurturing and feminine things is inherently masculine, because we have to set boundaries and we have to say no, and we have to hold structure and time, and so we do that. But what we miss is then how do we create space for the nurturance, for the nothing, for the being, for the? Okay, we're not on a schedule, we're not on time? Right, and I think that's really the work. We live in a society that tells us to be like this. How do we live a more values-based way of living and say okay, here's where I'm going to slow down, here's where I'm going to make space?
Speaker 1:Right. I feel like our kids really want that and crave that is that time where you just are still and you're just with them and you just have this like calming, slow vibration. That's like grounding. I feel like that's what cause we have so much anxiety in kids these days, right, and in parents, and so the feminine is that beautiful grounding energy that we can tap into more. I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that too and I think it's why you know, everybody loves going on vacation or like we're recording this in summer and so like we're typically with our kids more. And there's a whole host of problems and challenges that can come for sure, but I think it's why we like it, because there's this again if we honor the seasons, there is this like, and even winter and the holidays, and if we're really listening to these seasons like these are the times where we are going slower, where we are making more space, where we are creating kind of what feels like a warm cup of tea. It's just, it's life. All we want is to live, to really be present for life. But because of the culture we live in and because of some of our own trauma and wounding and nervous system stuff nervous system stuff we are so busy moving and working and doing and keeping ourselves busy and it's not what any of us actually want?
Speaker 1:We actually want slowness. We just don't get it all the time. Yes, so let's talk about how. What are some ways that we can have like actionable items to switch into our feminine and embrace that side of us?
Speaker 2:Okay, so there's three steps that I'll talk about. Okay, I would say they're primary, and we could literally spend an hour talking about each one of these, right? And so the first one is heal your body. That is the first step. I know I'm like preaching to the choir with you, brie. I love it.
Speaker 2:I love it, and what I mean by that is this I don't mean just the physical body, I also mean the nervous system. There's an incredible quote by a trauma researcher named Gabor Mate, and he has this quote that I teach all of my students and I live by, and the quote is oftentimes peace feels like boredom to those who grew up in chaos. Ooh, that's good, thank you. That is so good, because sometimes we mistake peace and inner calm with boredom, because our nervous systems are so attuned to fight, flight, right, freeze. When we grow up in chaos, or even when we live in the world that we live in right now, that's so chaotic, it's actually very uncomfortable to slow down. This is why we can think we want to slow down. Like we say, we want to slow down, but then, somehow or another, our calendar is busy.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do it to ourselves.
Speaker 2:We like keep going and keep going, yes, and so when I say heal the body, like and this is why you can't just say stop, right, right, it's not that easy Like there are subconscious things, conditioning from our childhood, from our society, that we have, you have to get to the root of and there's different ways to do that, like there's so many different tools, many of which I teach and you teach, and there's a lot of different nervous system, somatic practitioners, and.
Speaker 2:But this is about unwinding what it actually means to be successful, to be productive. It just takes work. Like I'm going on 12 years of this work and I'm still peeling back layers. So step number one is like is healing the body, and you can do that in so many ways. Um, but the nervous system piece here is huge, because if you don't allow your nervous system to find a new set point, you will always recreate the same stress and a different scenario Busyness, anxiety, yep, it's just the same cycle and I know this because, like I worked on wall street and thought that was the problem, I quit the job.
Speaker 2:I volunteered in South America. Same stuff, oops yeah. Worked on wall street again. Happened again, quit, started to build my business, happened again. And I was like, oh my God, this isn't just the job or just the place I live, or just the marriage or whatever, just the fact that I have kids, or just the fact that I run a business, like it's actually so much deeper than that and being willing to go deep and start to explore. And so a question you could ask yourself or journal on around this heal your body is. As a child, what was I taught about slowness? What was I taught about slowing down? What was modeled to me when it came to resting?
Speaker 2:or even the feminine.
Speaker 1:That is so good, because I'm even just thinking of my own and my mom was the matriarch of our house. She was a hustler. She had six kids. She always had a side job. It was go, go, go. My mom never slowed down and that was my example and that's what I do. And we always joke that like we're marrying each other because she's like I can never get a hold of you, you're always so busy. I'm like you're always so busy and we just make it busy for ourselves. We're doing it to ourselves. We're doing it to ourselves. I never understood why, and now it makes sense, like even you just saying that I just had like a little epiphany. That's what was modeled to me and that's why my self-worth is in what I do.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:I think, that's so good. Thank you for saying that, and I get it. I mean, this is part of why I do this work, cause I'm like, yep, I see that I literally could have just spoken those exact same words. And so many women. Yes, okay, the second step tend the soul, tend the soul. So if step one is heal the body, the second step is tend the soul. Okay, so, beyond spirituality, like you know, take or leave that word soul. But what I mean when I say soul is who are you before the world told you you needed to be somebody else? Like that, there's this whole relationship with our soul selves, like beyond the human self, there's the soul self, like the divine self or the inner wise woman. I call her in the program that I teach.
Speaker 2:Right, and tending to that part of ourselves is usually the thing that is so challenging. Right, because for many of us, we've made doing our purpose right, we've made achieving our purpose. Our worth becomes intertwined with our work and our productivity. And I know, for me, when I was working on wall street, I was like I don't even know who I am anymore. I used to have this spark, like where did that spark go? How did the light go out, and that can happen in a corporate job, that can happen as an entrepreneur, that can happen as a stay-at-home mom, it can happen when we put all these other things ahead of our soul self. Mothers do that all the time, right All the time. The shadow of the mother archetype is the martyr.
Speaker 2:The martyr yes, you are a good mom if you are martyring yourself, sacrificing yourself for your children. Oh, she's such a good mom, she's so selfless, yeah. And then we wake up and we're like who am I again? This is why, you know, kids go to school and we're like what do I do with this time? Or so we think to ourselves. So tending to the soul is like there has to be time. After we've healed the body, we've adjusted the nervous system a bit. Tending to the soul is like okay, can you sit with yourself? And one of the assignments I give to our clients inside of our core program is can you set a timer for 10 minutes, Can you put your phone on the other side of the room and can you lay down and do nothing and just be with yourself, right or go?
Speaker 2:sit under a tree or go walk on nature, but you can't look at your phone. And do you know how hard that is for us? Like, it's so hard to be with ourselves and there's lots of ways to access that soul self morning practices and breath and breathing techniques, and but it's really like and this is the question right. Second journaling prompt if you want to take this one from this one is beyond all the roles I play, who am I? Oh, I love that. And if you just set a timer for five minutes and write that, and for most women it's like I have no idea and that's the journey of rediscovering that.
Speaker 1:Well, it's interesting, even when I do my retreats, I say tell a little bit about yourself. It's always I'm a mom, I have four kids. It's not like who you really are, it's the titles and the roles that you play. And I actually had a really cool experience at our retreat, or our mastermind, when we did this exercise. We did breath work. It was the first time I'd ever done breath work.
Speaker 1:The first time I'd ever done breathwork, the first thing that came to me was I saw myself and I heard who are you without Body by Brie? Because that's my title, right, my title is Body by Brie and Mother. And it was like are you enough without the title? And I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know and I had to like the whole breathwork session was me working through it in my mind and it was so beautiful and I like didn't realize how much I relied to like the whole breathwork session was me working through it in my mind and it was so beautiful and I like didn't realize how much I relied on that, you know. So I truly believe that this can work if people do the give it time, give it effort and really sit with it for a minute. I love that. I think we were laying next to each other for that breathwork.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were, I was crying at some point, Everyone was crying. Yeah, we were, I was crying at some point, Everyone was crying. And you know, I think it's really important what you said, which is like this doesn't happen overnight. Yeah, it's like you have whole retreats for this, Like you know, like this is these are big questions and I know, I feel it. I think all of us like who would I be with if I weren't a mom, or if I weren't a wife, or if I didn't, you know, lead my company, or like who am I? And I think that's the real work. I think part of why we get bitter is because we're looking outside of ourselves for other people to give us something that is actually our job to give ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, that was so good. You have to. You have to look inside, you have to.
Speaker 2:It's like, okay, like can I feed? How do I feed my own soul? How do I feed my own soul? How can I be so filled up that I don't need my kids to act a certain way in order for me to feel okay?
Speaker 1:Yes, you're not relying on anyone else. Yeah, okay, what's number three, the last step feed the feminine, feed the feminine.
Speaker 2:So one of my great feminine mysticism teachers says feed the feminine first. Every day you wake up you feed the feminine first. So think about us. So everyone I mean I don't know show of hands. If the first thing you do when you wake up is grab your phone and look at it, I know you might not do that, bree.
Speaker 1:No, I'm guilty of that too.
Speaker 2:I try not to, but sometimes you do, sometimes you do, and so it's like okay, like I try not to, but sometimes you do, sometimes you do, and so it's like okay. There's this concept, and I spent a good amount of time in India and the teacher that I studied with in India, he would say your morning practice is like brushing your teeth, like would you ever wake up in the morning and not brush your teeth? No, well, your morning practice is doing that for your soul, right, for your mind. And there's this concept of how we start our day is how we live our day, and that there's two ways to live right, that you can live vertically and whatever your beliefs are about, spirit, nature, god, whatever right. And then you nature, god, whatever Right. And then you, and then that's vertical right, it's like, it's like spirit, something greater, yourself, the earth, right. And then there's horizontal, which is all the things we do out here in the world, the roles we play, the masks we wear, and we get messed up when we forget that the real job is to first align vertically and then go horizontal.
Speaker 2:Yes, which is why feeding the feminine first is like okay, can I take three breaths in bed before my crying baby wakes me up? Can I sit and journal. Can I read a spiritual, inspirational passage? Can I pull a card? Can I look at a tree before I look at my phone? Right, like small things. Can I drink a cup of hot water with lemon before I down my coffee? Right, like what are these small ways that? I know they feel big, but it's just one thing of helping us to align vertically first, because if we do that first, we enter into the horizontal, more resourced right. And that's really again this blend of the feminine and the masculine. This is not about not living in the world or in the masculine, but it's actually for women, allowing the feminine to fuel us so that we can go into the world and be more resourced and be more sustainable. So those are the pieces, and that would be the last question for you to ask yourself what is one small way that you can align vertically and feed the feminine first?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. See you guys, this is why I love Julie. She's so wise and so incredible. I think that was exactly what we needed to hear and I I feel like, as a mom, those three actions we can do without feeling overwhelmed. That's something we can do, like take one of those questions each morning, spread them out, take 10 minutes and just start something.
Speaker 1:Something's better than nothing, and I think sometimes we're like, oh, all or nothing mentality. It's not my season. I'm with the kids right now. But if you want to be a better mother, more present, loving wife, this is the work that needs to be done. And it's already changed my life, because I didn't realize there was a problem until I started learning about this and I was like, oh my gosh, my life could be so much better if I just understood this principle and took the time to do it. And since I've been learning, I've almost like uncovered this. I just keep going because it's fascinating and it feels so good and it feels so amazing to have that self-reflection and what you do helps so many women. I'm just, I'm so impressed with you. So what if people want to learn more from you, like give, what resources can they learn from you?
Speaker 2:Of course I mean we do. We have a free training on on my, on my website right now it's we are the womencom, so you're welcome to go to. We are the womencom. You can follow me on social media. I share a lot on on Instagram. I am Julie Santiago. Is that handle? Um, and then just stay tuned. You can. You can join our email list and we're working on some some great freebies and trainings coming up in the next few months. So, um, yeah, bree, this was such a beautiful conversation. I'm so grateful for you and the incredible community you've built and the work you do and the way you model the feminine, just so naturally. You're such an inspiration to me. The way you mother, the way you take care of your body, the way that you move in the world. It's just, it's so beautiful.
Speaker 2:So, thank you for being my friend and for inviting me here.
Speaker 1:Of course. Thank you so much, julie. We'll talk to you later. Okay, bye. Thank you for joining us in today's episode. If you liked the content and want to hear more, remember to hit that subscribe button and write a review. As a small business owner, I appreciate it more than you know. If you are looking for a program to help with self-confidence, to lose weight, get in shape and work on your mental, physical and emotional health, check out my training programs on wwwbodybybreecom. My team and I help to hold you accountable through the Body by Bree app, where you log in to see all your workouts, custom meal plan made specifically for you and your needs, and communication through the messenger. You are never alone when you're on the Body by Bree training program. Click the link in the show notes to get more information on how to transform your life from the inside out.
.png)
