Better Me with BodyByBree
Better Me with BodyByBree
Redefining You: The Four-Step Process to Find Confidence, Clarity, and Purpose as a Woman
What happens when your confidence is shattered to its core? After experiencing severe postpartum depression and anxiety, Amanda Cahill found herself staring at photos from her son's first birthday party, unable to recognize the woman with the forced smile and joyless eyes looking back at her. This pivotal moment launched her on a journey to rediscover herself—a journey she's now sharing through her book "Redefining You."
In this powerful conversation between Bree and Amanda, Amanda reveals how fitness became her foundation not for aesthetic reasons, but to prove her mental strength. "I wanted to be that fit, happy, healthy mom," she shares, explaining how showing up for herself daily rebuilt her confidence from the inside out. Her transformative approach focuses on identity rather than arbitrary goals, helping women break free from the all-or-nothing thinking that keeps them trapped in start-over cycles every Monday or January.
Whether you're experiencing a major life transition or simply feeling disconnected from yourself, this episode offers a practical four-step framework for redefining who you are and building lasting confidence from within. As Amanda wisely puts it: "Success isn't built on flawless execution—it's built on resilience and recommitment every single day."
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Are you looking for a space where you will learn to improve your mental strength, emotional health and heal your insecurities from the inside out? Take the first step to living a more meaningful life with the Better Me with Body by Brie podcast. I'm your host, brie. I'm a certified personal trainer, entrepreneur and mother of three. I've helped empower thousands of women to take action through fitness, nutrition, meditation, personal development and aligning thoughts with action. This podcast is for those who are ready to feel inspired and motivated to live a more purposeful life. Let's grow together. Amanda, welcome to the podcast. How?
Speaker 2:are you? I'm so good. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited that we finally were able to align our schedules to make this happen we're both running 100 miles an hour and to align us both in the same place at the same time. I'm just so excited that we could finally make it work. And here we are.
Speaker 1:I know and this is really fun A lot of our listeners, I don't think, know that you and I are in the same mastermind together and so we're also friends. Like this isn't just some random person that I met on the internet. Like I really love Amanda, I love what she stands for, I love what she's teaching women and I'm like we got to have you on the podcast, we got to bring you over to help all of my clients, all of my listeners, because you're such a wealth of knowledge and I can't wait to share that today. So thank you.
Speaker 2:Of course I'm excited and you know I just adore you. The feeling is mutual. I love everything that you put out into the world. You're such a shining light for everybody, especially in the health and fitness space. But even outside of that, because I know you personally and you are just such a genuine kind person and I love that so much about you.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was nice, amanda, and Amanda actually did do our program too, so you kind of know what I do, which is really fun, so, okay, so let's get started. Okay, amanda, first I wanted to ask you what inspired you to write, defining you, and how has your personal journey shaped your passion for helping women rebuild their confidence?
Speaker 2:You know it's interesting. Like a lot of women who are listening, I became a mother a couple of years ago and I faced severe postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, the physical challenges, not from an actual birth standpoint not that that was challenging but how I felt about my body, how I dealt with my body image, all of that. My confidence was shook to my core and it was something that I had never really struggled with before in my life, and I know a lot of women experience that when they go through pregnancy and postpartum and through the course of my son aging. I was actually at his first birthday party and saw photos of myself and I just didn't like the way I looked From a physical standpoint. That's one thing, but the joy from my eyes was gone. The smile just was fake. It was very forced and it really forced me to question who am I, what am I doing? What do I stand for? Who's the woman I want to be?
Speaker 2:And that's part of this process that I went through to write my book Redefining you.
Speaker 2:It's born from my transformation journey.
Speaker 2:It's the roadmap that I wish I had when I was feeling lost and I didn't know who I was and I was disconnected from myself, and I wanted to give permission to women and practical tools for them to help rebuild their lives, to feel better, both mentally and physically.
Speaker 2:And for me, actually, fitness became the foundation for that in my confidence journey, and it wasn't about the number that I saw on the scale or the aesthetics, it was just showing myself that physically I was strong and that translated into being mentally strong. And so I know that so many women suffer quietly with feeling off, especially after big changes in their life, whether that's motherhood or shifting in their business or their career and I'm passionate about helping women basically rewrite their stories so they can tell themselves that I have the confidence, I have done hard things and I can continue to find joy and happiness in different stages of my life, and I give women the tools to be able to do that joy and happiness in different stages of my life, and I give women the tools to be able to do that.
Speaker 1:I love that. Amanda, I was just going to say when you said I didn't like how I felt and how I looked. Fitness is so much more than just how you're looking, because it goes deeper into like am I taking care of myself? Am I fueling my body? Do I have the energy to show up as that like vibrant mother that I want to be? So I love that you go deeper into that. It's not just about how you look and it never has been but it does directly correlate to how you're feeling about yourself. Right, it does, and so I love that you're helping women like on such a deep level, for that that's so beautiful, and that you have your own personal story and your own experience with it. So for the women listening today who's feeling stuck in her body and her fitness journey, what would you say is the first mental shift that she needs to make?
Speaker 2:I would say, first and foremost is just redefining what success looks like. I think about who I was a decade ago, or even two decades ago, and who that woman was and what was important to her and what success looked like.
Speaker 2:And now it's instead of focusing only on that end result, how do I look? It's redefining. Success is showing up for yourself daily, no matter how small the steps seem, the winds of drinking more water or making that home-cooked meal, simply honoring a commitment that you said you were going to get up and move your body today and you're actually doing it. It's shifting from how fast can I change to who am I becoming? I really had to focus on when I was going through my transformational journey. I gave myself. I think it was like six months was the runway that I gave myself versus I want to lose 20 pounds in two weeks.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A lot of us think, right, we're like, oh, it took, it took years for this weight to get on, but for some reason we think just instantaneously we can drop it. And for the first time in my life, I said I'm going to give myself this runway of six months to see change, to see progress, but to really become the woman I wanted to become. And in the course of that, I think you and I talked and I was blown away just by how good I felt. But I mean, yes, I did look good too, like that helped. But it was how I felt inside. I felt pride, I felt confidence and the ability of me to be able to run and keep up with my son. Like that's really what I wanted. I wanted to be that fit, happy, healthy mom and I accomplished that by simply taking that end result mentality off and just saying who do I want to become in this process versus how do I want to look?
Speaker 1:Yes, snapping over here. Yes, that is everything. That's what we talk about, actually, in like my habit coaching, we start with your identity, your self-identity and who you believe you are, because that's where everything stems from. Like, if you believe that you are this person that is fit and healthy and strong, you're going to show up as that person and even if you don't believe it yet, you can start making steps in the right direction. So I do have a follow-up question for you. Let's say someone's like okay, I want to be that fit, healthy person, I want to be the mom that has energy, I want to be the confident person that walks into the room. But I'm not her yet. And it's hard to show up as that person when you feel tired and lethargic and no motivation. Like, what would you say is like the first step? If they're feeling that and they don't know how to get from point A to point B, what would you suggest?
Speaker 2:I go back to what I just said and then add on to it, removing the end result from it. There's a mentor of mine that says marry the process, divorce the outcome. So you're removing the end goal, but it's more what are you doing every day? How are you showing up? It's getting back to that why, when I made a goal for myself to become a fit, happy, healthy mom, it wasn't about me, it was about my son. That was my why.
Speaker 2:I wanted to be the mom who showed up energetically and had fun and was happy and wasn't constantly critiquing her body. And there's something about when you have children it forces you to think about the way that you talk to yourself internally, because it is a reflection in their world. And I did not want to be that mom who was constantly on a diet, who was constantly. Even though he's a, he's a boy. It still plays on how he shows up and maybe how he thinks of women and when he gets to be an adult Right.
Speaker 2:And so that was my why was I wanted to be a fit, happy, healthy mom for him. And so, on those days where I wanted to hit snooze or I didn't want to, it was a lot easier for me to go grab fast food. I had to stop and say what would my future self do in this moment? What would the fit, happy, healthy mom do right now? Would she get this home-cooked meal or would she go the easy route and get the fast food? Would she hit snooze or would she get up and do the workout that she committed to herself, which also builds your confidence?
Speaker 2:It's those little daily promises that you keep and make to yourself that help you to create that change. But it all comes back to who do you want to be and getting that why behind it. That's so, so important and I think so many people miss that piece and that's why I love the work that you do, because you force people to stop and say, okay, look, I know that you want to look a certain way or you want to fit into these pants again, but to the root of you why, why is that important? Why do you want that in your life? Why?
Speaker 1:Why is that important? Why do you want that in your life? Yes, and the building, the confidence, keeping those little promises to yourself, and I love that you added that part. So we're letting go of the timeline and the end goal. We're focusing on who we want to become, changing our self-identity and then really rooting to that deeper, why I love that so much. In your book you talk about building confidence. How does confidence, or the lack of confidence, show up in a woman's fitness journey, would you say?
Speaker 2:I think that confidence can shape your willingness to even start and obviously your willingness to stay consistent and committed right. Without confidence, many women hesitate to even start. And obviously your willingness to stay consistent and committed right. Without confidence, many women hesitate to even start. They second guess if they belong in the gym, if they're doing it right or if change is even possible for them. Sometimes you're so far down the rabbit hole that you just can't even see yourself as this newer, happier version of yourself. Right, because that lack of confidence I feel like a lot of times can lead to that all or nothing thinking which I used to fall into, that so bad If I wasn't 100% all in. It was like I'm either all in or it's nothing, it's if I missed a workout.
Speaker 2:I quit the program If I had one bad meal. I'm like I can never do this right and it's that lack of confidence just in my opinion is a snowball effect. But when you have true confidence in yourself, the showing up daily to the things that you've committed to do, it actually helps bring grace into your life. And knowing that one day doesn't define your journey, like we've talked about removing that timeline and that end goal, it's just showing up day in and day out. That's what helps to move the needle forward.
Speaker 2:And I think, especially as women, we're plagued so much in today's world by what we see on social media.
Speaker 2:Society tells us we should look a certain way, we should act a certain way, we should eat a certain way, and social media a lot of times can negatively affect how we feel about ourselves.
Speaker 2:And I talk about this a little bit in my book in being able to release that comparison trap that we can fall into. I was very guilty of this when I was in my early postpartum phase. I would be on social media and I would see women who seemed like they had just bounced back so quickly and it would make me feel bad about myself and I'm like how is it so easy for them but it's so hard for me. And what I had to remind myself is like look, this is my chapter one. I can't compare my chapter one to their chapter 20, or wherever they are in their journey, because our journeys aren't the same. We have different experiences, we have different lives, and what I actually had to do for my mental health which was a really pivotal piece of me being able to move past that postpartum depression and anxiety was to just mute those accounts, any account that triggered something negatively in me. I just had to mute them.
Speaker 2:I was like I didn't see this person and not that I want them in my life ever, right. But if they've got a triggering emotion for me, I just didn't want that in my world for a certain period of time and that has been something that I've continued to do, and I encourage everybody to do that. If you're ever following somebody and it triggers you, you don't have to follow them. You can mute them and just take a break.
Speaker 1:Yes, I had to do the exact same thing postpartum. And the funny thing is, when you are in a really good space, you see people succeeding and you're like good for them, wow, they look amazing, look at her go. When you're not, you're like, oh, that makes me feel bad about myself. Right, you can't you. And and that was me postpartum I was like I am working so hard and I'm not there yet and it just shows me like how far I have to go and I'm not there yet and it just shows me like how far I have to go and I'm a personal trainer. Like I had to do the exact same thing. It's okay. And once you get to a place where you do feel confident in yourself and you feel good about yourself you see people doing that and you cheer them on and you feel great and it doesn't trigger you and you feel amazing Then you can great, you can refollow those people, but you do have to.
Speaker 1:There is a period where you got to kind of be selective about what you're showing yourself day in and day out and following maybe other postpartum moms that are in the same journey as you. So I love that advice. I know a lot of women in their thirties and forties. They feel frustrated because their bodies aren't like responding the way that they used to. So they start getting this like perimenopause phase. A lot of my clients are in it. I'm just approaching it now. How do you think that, like redefining confidence can help them stay committed to their health goals when they're feeling kind of frustrated in that perimenopause era they're feeling?
Speaker 2:kind of frustrated in that perimenopause era. I'm laughing because I just turned 40 and have been having this conversation with my doctor we're trying to grow our family and now we've had conversations about like lab work and me potentially being in this perimenopause phase and I'm like how, in my mind, I'm like I know the age says I'm 40. But I don't feel 40. I feel like I'm still 32. And why is this a thing? But you know, as we age, I just think of all the things that I did in my 20s, when I was 2025, I was chasing a certain aesthetic. I just wanted to be thin at any cost. I didn't care what it looked like. I did crash diets, I did all the trends. I embarrassingly, at one point, took pills from China because I wanted to be thin and I was not knowing what that would do to wreck havoc on my body going forward. And as we age, we have to understand that the things we did leading up to this point have a cause and effect, whether we know it or not. But I continue to go back to that.
Speaker 2:Redefining confidence means letting go of who you were in your 20s or, if you're in your 40s, letting go of who you were in your 30s. At whatever age, you are right Letting go of who that person was so you can embrace who you are now. Because now you are wiser, you're more resilient and you're capable in ways that you weren't at that age. Right, because confidence isn't about chasing an old version of yourself. It's actually about celebrating who you are and the woman that you're becoming, which is something that my work focuses on so much is who do you want to become? Because focus on what your body can do now, not what it used to do. Anybody who has kids and has ever jumped on a trampoline it's fun, right?
Speaker 1:Forget about it. I'm like peeing my pants all over.
Speaker 2:What are you doing to me? So that's where I go back to shifting that focus from the aesthetics and how you used to look and what you used to be able to do and instead focus on the strength that your body has now, the vitality that your body has now, the energy that your body has now, because that's what helps you stay committed when the visible changes feel slower, right, detaching from that outcome, like I would say that over and over and over again. And instead of chasing that outcome, instead chase the vision. Who do you want to be, who do you want to become? And that changes as you age, as you evolve.
Speaker 2:I people ask me all the time like what does success mean to you right now? And I'm like, success means something different to me now than it did even five years ago, than it did years ago, and you know what? It's probably going to look different in another five years, and that's OK. I don't want to be the version I was five years ago. I want to become this woman that I want to become and that's what I want all permission, or all women to have that permission, especially as you age, as you move into your 30s and 40s, and maybe your body doesn't respond the way that it used to. That's okay, because it's not the same body. It's growing, evolving, just as you are right.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that, and I love getting really crystal clear on what success looks like for you, because it does change, and I know that one thing that my listeners really struggle with is feeling overwhelmed. Right, we have, like kids, work, our aging bodies. How can they find that clarity on what, like fitness and health goals are actually right for them, instead of just chasing the next trend, or even it doesn't even have to be like a fitness and health goal, it could just be like how can they decide, like, what will help them the most during this chaotic time in our life?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of times we get overwhelmed because we think that there are, we overcomplicate it, we think there are so many things that we have to overhaul and we have to overhaul it all at one time. There's a hundred things that we need to change about us and that's what gets us feeling stuck because we're like there's so many things, how can I even move the needle forward? Because I cannot change all of these things at one time, and especially when we add on all the things that we have in our lives, we're like how do we even have the time to focus on ourselves and we have all these other things to do? Right, I go back to. There's something I talk about in my book called the one thing philosophy. It's the one thing that you can focus on right now, and that one thing only to move the needle forward.
Speaker 2:When I was on my journey to get my health back in order in postpartum, the one thing that I focused on over everything else was getting adequate protein. I didn't focus on my macros, I didn't focus on the working out the drinking water. It was like I wanted to make sure that I got 30 or 40 grams of protein at every meal. That was the goal that I had for myself and I was like, once I can commit to that, then I can layer on something else. It was walking outside for me, then it was making sure I was getting enough water, then it was incorporating strength training. So it all kind of builds on each other. But I think what is that? One thing that you know is the dial needle, you know the mover for you.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of women and people in general are chronically dehydrated. It simply could be every morning for the next 30 days you're gonna drink a glass of water in the morning before you do anything else, before you have coffee, before you eat any food. But, like I said, for me it was adding in that protein and that's what really did it for me, because then I was satiated, I had enough energy. It had made it a lot easier to then add on these other layers and these other pieces. So then add on these other layers and these other pieces.
Speaker 2:So I always tell people just to strip everything away. What is the one thing that you can focus on that is going to bring the most result for you? Is that getting eight hours of sleep? Is it getting enough water, is it moving? You know a certain day, a week, whatever it is. It's like just figuring out what that one thing is and commit to it for a certain period of time, and then you will start building that confidence that you can do it, that you can do it, that you can create change, and then you start layering other things on top of it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that we talk about that a lot in in my coaching. As well as finding your floor goal and your ceiling goal and also matching your expectation and your effort with your season of life. So, like, let's say, you're postpartum, you'll have very different goals postpartum than you would if you are an empty nester and you have eight hours a day to yourself, right, Like matching your season of life and what you're going through to your goals. I think is so helpful and exactly what you said. Like you can start small. You don't have to go crazy and do an overhaul all at one time. So you outline a four-step process in your book. Can you walk us through how these steps can apply specifically to someone who wants to get back in shape or who's really wanting to just like, really build their confidence? Let's just talk about what the four steps are and how someone can apply them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the first step in the book is so it's a four-step process, obviously, but you want to get an idea of how far you've come. It's that inventory of who you are. It's reminding yourself of times where you've been strong, resilient, committed, even outside of fitness, but we're using fitness as the pillar today. When you do that, when you focus on all the things that you have done in your life, this builds the belief that you can do hard things again, because you have already done them. Once you have figured out how far you've come, you can define who you are today. And this is a really hard piece for people because it's literally holding up a mirror and saying who are you. It's getting honest with where you are physically, mentally, emotionally without judgment, of course, but you're accepting that this is your starting point for real change. Very few people document this is who I am right now. Instead, they, a lot of times, will constantly critique things that they don't like about themselves. This is your invitation to just completely take an inventory of who you are as a person and then we move into a phase where you envision who you want to become, and this is my absolute favorite piece, and it's picturing her in everyday life. What are her daily habits? How does she move her body? How does she prioritize sleep? How does she nourish herself? Well, how does she show up in the world? What adjectives describe her? What does she look like physically? How does she show up for the people around her? How does she show up for herself? All of these things because your vision ends up creating your roadmap.
Speaker 2:My favorite analogy that I use in my book is a GPS. Everybody knows a GPS, right? You put a destination in there and then what happens? 15 different routes pop up for how you can get to where your destination is. If you don't know where you're going, how will you know if you've got there? It's one of my favorite things to think about and that's why I think it's so important to get crystal clear on who it is that you want to become, because that becomes your destination and your GPS and you can start taking and driving.
Speaker 2:And then what happens if you take a wrong turn? It recalculates and gets you back on course. Opportunity and things will continue to pop up. But you have to get crystal clear on where it is that you are going, who you want to become, right, and then we start building in the habits to bridge that gap. I go back to that one thing, philosophy that I talked about. It's picking one action that aligns with your vision, and the walking, daily strength training twice a week, whatever it looks like, but it's just all consistent habits that move you towards becoming that woman. And that's the framework that I teach in the book and it is so powerful once you take a step back and you see how all of these pieces fall into place.
Speaker 1:This is literally exactly what I teach my clients. So I'm so glad that you are on this podcast, because everything you're saying I agree with 100%, and I'm actively trying to change that with my clients. So I love that you're already teaching this. I love that you have a four-step framework and that people can even dive deeper by reading your book. So I love that you have wrote a book all about this, because I always just talk about it, but you've got like a very outlined book to help people, especially women, focus on this, which I think is so cool. So I have another question for you In your experience, what do you think is the difference between women who find lasting success in redefining themselves and those who keep starting over, like every Monday or every January? Right?
Speaker 2:I think it goes back to what I teach and what I know you teach, and the focus on identity, not just the goals. Goals sometimes can be very arbitrary. I want to weigh a certain amount, I want to fit into this particular gene size, okay, but who are you at your core? Because success doesn't come from just setting goals. They come from being the kind of woman that you want to be, who lives those habits daily, right Every day, when they get out. It's that being the consistent they prioritize consistently over perfection, because it's not about doing everything perfect, which I had.
Speaker 2:I'm a recovering perfectionist here, so I had to remove that piece for myself, but it's showing up even on those hard days, right. It's when you start to measure progress differently, which we have talked about time and time again today. Right, instead of obsessing over these fast results, you can start to celebrate the internal shifts that are happening, the stronger discipline, how more resilient you feel, the self-trust that you have. Ultimately, that confidence, right, because they build habits that align with who they want to be. It's not this crash diet because they want to lose 20 pounds in two weeks, right. It's not these extreme plans, it's not unsustainable routines. It's these daily actions that reflect this bigger vision. And I think that's the big key is getting back to the identity piece, which you teach so much about, versus this arbitrary goal that you're chasing. You know, it's so interesting how, when I think about how we imagine the scale, everybody has this image in their mind of a certain number that they should weigh and it's like why do we have that? Where did that number come from? It's so arbitrary, right.
Speaker 1:And it's like remove yourself from that a little bit.
Speaker 2:Once you start building muscle, you could end up weighing 10 pounds more, but your body is smaller and it's just. It's so crazy to me that we just really need to give ourselves permission to evolve, to redefine ourselves for the long-term process, not this one-time event where you embrace growth instead of expecting these overnight instantaneous changes which is kind of forced on us through society a little bit. But once you get past that and you focus on the identity and who you want to be, that's where you're able to really move the needle forward and actually get that long-term success.
Speaker 1:Yes. So I have a question for you have you ever had a experience that you would like to share where maybe you were doing two steps forward and then you took a step back two steps forward, one step back, like you said, oh, I lost, you know, 20 pounds? I feel amazing, like, did you ever have an experience where you were self-sabotaging or you were on that path and then you were like, shoot, I thought I was overcoming this and you know, you stumbled Like explain that to me. I think it's helpful for people to see, like, because sometimes, when people are on the other side, they're just like yeah, this is what you got to do. But then it's so relatable when you hear like, okay, they struggle too. And they like what did you do to get out of that struggle? You know, because you said you're a recovering perfectionist, you know, like, what are you doing? Or do you have an example that maybe you had to overcome? You know a setback when you were trying to be this new version of yourself?
Speaker 2:Well, honestly, I'm going to use what I'm going through right now, and this is just proof that the work is never done. We're always constantly having to turn back in and work on ourselves. There's never this end pinnacle that we get. Right Through the course of this year, we've been trying to grow our family and it's been unsuccessful, and we've had some heartache along the way, and through that, my health and fitness has really fallen to the wayside, and I was the person who worked out, you know, three, four or five days a week, because I loved it. It made me feel good and in the season that I'm in right now, I'm battling the, this is what I know is going to make me feel good about myself. This is what is going to nourish nourish me in this moment. But instead, what do I do? I'm ordering ice cream and having it delivered to my house because I'm emotionally drained and I'm struggling with who I have, this identity of who I want to be, this vision of growing our family, but it's not happening, and so I'm trying to release control again, that's me releasing from the outcome, and instead I just had this conversation with a friend today who was like focus on what you can do every single day to make you feel sustained and nourished, and that's all that you can do. So it's this constant reminder that it it again goes back to the little things you know. So I'm working through it right now and I want any woman to know that, like there are different seasons, and just because you take a step back doesn't mean you can't still go five steps forward. But the awareness piece is what I always come back to and that's why I know the work is never done, because we're always growing, we're always evolving, we're always becoming more aware of who we want to be and what we need to do to get there. But it's just that constant reminder for me to be like what will make you feel best today and let's do those things.
Speaker 2:Is that sleeping? Is it taking a nap? Is it actually lifting, because that lifting weights makes me feel really good? Is it having this nourishing meal? What is it? Is it getting outside in the sun? And it's just reminding myself of those little things that add up, they compound, which you know over time. The more you do these things, the better you feel about yourself. And so I'm in that season right now where I'm doing my own work, I'm reading my book. My book comes with a workbook that has questions that you can sit and reflect on, and I'm actively doing the work in my own book right now because I'm trying to move past this hard season that I'm in to figure out what is my identity and who am I working to become now. So that was a long, a long winded answer to your question.
Speaker 1:No, amanda, that's so relatable and I think that's so helpful for people to hear. Like one, I just need to have empathy for you of how hard that would be. Like I just can't imagine the emotional toll that you're going through right now and that would be really hard and that would shake your confidence in like wait, I'm supposed to be able to be a mother, and you know, and so I can see how that would be really really hard and you know, and so I can see how that would be really really hard. And when we go through these hard trials in our life, it is hard to show up as the best version of yourself because you are struggling, you know, and I think that that makes you human and I think that makes you so relatable and I think people will learn so much more from you because you shared that experience, like that hard personal part, because so many women are struggling with that right now and they're like, yeah, that's fine, but I'm deeply sad. Like I'm deeply sad right now and I'm hurt and I'm frustrated and I don't want to show up as that person right now, like this is really hard for me and I think it's okay to acknowledge that.
Speaker 1:Like what you said. We all have seasons. We all have seasons of life where we're thriving and sometimes we're just trying to survive too, and, like I just love that you shared that, thank you, because it's just very relatable. Especially right now, I have a lot of friends going through the exact same thing and you feel helpless and it's really, really hard and that does take a toll on your confidence. So thank you for being vulnerable and just being open. I think we can learn a lot more from just that personal experience than even, like you know, talking about all the things we should be doing.
Speaker 2:So, um, yeah, and I think it's. I think it's so important because we see, sometimes we put people on these pedestals, especially if we, you know, know that they've written books or they're on podcasts. You think that they don't struggle, but everybody struggles with something. Everybody struggles with something we just don't openly share about it, and I think that's one of the things that women struggle with the most right now is that we feel so isolated in our struggles because everything is a highlight reel. You never really know what's going on behind the curtains, and that's why I love these opportunities to come on and say you know what? I'm struggling too. I'm doing the work right now on myself because it's important, and I feel like it gives other women permission to say, okay, yeah, it's okay that I'm going through this right now and I'll get on the other side of it. You just need that reminder from time to time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like I want to share like a vulnerable moment too that I had, even with my confidence, and I feel like I'm a really confident person in general and I always have been, like from the time I was born I don't know, I think it was just something I was born with, or how my mom raised me, I don't know. I've been very confident but, um, I have gone through times where I'm like, wait, who am I Like? This isn't me. I thought that I thought I was this like confident, strong person and what is going on here? And one of those times was actually when I was competing, oddly enough, in a fitness competition. So I was the leanest I've ever been. It was the best I'd ever looked and I was like on top of the world to everybody outside. But I was in hell Because you're being on stage and you're being judged by how defined your glute tie-ins are. So when you turn around, that muscle that goes from your hamstring to your glute, if you can't see that pop, what are you even doing with your life? So it was this hyper fixation on my body where I became so hyper focused on the outcome. Like what you said. I was losing confidence in my ability and who I was. And it was all on like how people perceived me and am I lean enough? And did I? You know, do I have a glute pop and are my shoulders defined enough? And it was. Do I have a glute pop and are my shoulders defined enough? And it was hell. And on the outside it looked like I had the perfect life right. It looked like everything was perfect and I was so lean.
Speaker 1:But what I learned from that experience was that confidence really comes from within. It doesn't come from validation from others. It doesn't come from being as lean as you can be. It doesn't come from any of that. It actually comes from within and it's. It took a lot of like self work to be like, okay, do I love myself, aside from what my body looks like, or aside from all the accolades, or aside from being bodied by Brie, like who am I and am I good enough for myself?
Speaker 1:And we actually did this um breathwork session in a mastermind with you and we did this breathwork session and I saw in the breathwork session, like me.
Speaker 1:And then it was all these titles body by Brie, you know, like fitness competitor, all these things that I value my worth on, and I saw it fall away and it was like my soul and it was like you are enough, and it was so powerful and that gave me this like really deep inner confidence of like I am who I am and I'm enough, even without all the accolades, even without being the titles or whatever, or having a fit, healthy body, cause that is really important to me I'm enough, you know. And that confidence it runs deep and it's not a situational confidence, right. And so, anyway, I feel like anytime someone can get to that level, it's so powerful it shifts your whole perspective on life, right. So, anyway, just wanted to share my experience too, because I feel like it's always good when people can learn from from our hardships, from our mistakes, and and share when we don't get it right either Right from our mistakes and share when we don't get it right either, right?
Speaker 2:Well, we're always changing, we're always evolving, right, and I have learned a little trick to help reframe when anything like sabotaging comes up for you. Right Is asking yourself is this absolutely true or is this just a story that I'm telling myself, love?
Speaker 1:that.
Speaker 2:That's what I was thinking the whole time. You were sharing your story because people it's so hard when they see all these outward successes, but inside you're slowly like dying a little bit because you don't like who you are, you don't like how you feel and everybody else is like but life is great. What do you mean? And you're having to question that for yourself. And it's like sitting back and saying is my self-worth tied to the way I look? Is this absolutely true, or is this just a story that I'm telling myself? And that is a powerful thing when you can actually start to work through that and replace some of those harsh thoughts with empowering truths that are for you right and you come to the conclusion that you are enough because you are and you're worthy.
Speaker 2:All of those things we are, all of those.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is so powerful. That was going to be my next question, but you already answered it. It's like what do you do when you get stuck in a self-sabotaging cycle and you feel stuck and you keep doing the same self-sabotaging cycle and you feel stuck and you keep doing the same self-sabotaging habit? Do you have any suggestions? Do you have anything you want to add to that, or do you feel like that's kind of how you would answer that question?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been in that place where I've said so many mean things to myself, these self-sabotaging beliefs. When I began my journey to become my fit, happy, healthy mom, I had this limiting belief that told me that being thin is hard. You're never going to not be tired. There were so many things that it's too late for me, you're too far gone. There were just so many things that I had told myself in that season and I go back to changing that narrative again, asking you know, is this absolutely true, or is this just a story that I'm telling myself?
Speaker 2:Because normally it's something that is built up in our mind that's never as bad as we actually think it is right? And being able to replace those harsh thoughts with empowering truth. Instead of you know it's too late for me, those harsh thoughts with empowering truth, instead of you know it's too late for me, reframe it to it's never too late to honor myself. You know, every day I'm becoming the woman I want to become. Right, you're celebrating the evidence of strength, where you focus on those small wins that prove you're capable, like the fact that you showed up.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're lifting heavier, maybe you're feeling more energized, like all of those things are evidence of the strength and the power that you have as a woman, because then you get to treat every action that you take as a vote for the woman that you're becoming, because success isn't going to be built on this flawless execution. Again. Get that all or nothing mentality out of your mind, right. It's built on that resilience and that recommitment that you take every single day when you recommit, to who are you wanting to become? And I think that once you get again crystal clear on that, it helps to reframe those self-sabotaging beliefs and those limiting beliefs that come up because you get to question is this actually true? If it is okay. But if not, why does this keep coming up? For me, and let's get down deep into why does this keep coming up.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is so good. That's actually one of my very favorite quotes and I live by that. It saves me. So, amanda, where can listeners find you and how can they dive deeper into your work after today's conversation?
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely so. The best way for people to find me is at my website. It's amandakahillcom. That's where you can find my book Redefining you. There's free resources there and there's also ways that you can connect with me directly on the website, but you can listen or find my podcast Redefining you. Literally everything is Redefining you across the social media channels. You can find me, Amanda Cahill, on Instagram and on Facebook, whatever your preferred platform is, but my website will take you to every link that you actually need.
Speaker 1:Perfect, and we'll link everything in the show notes as well. Is there anything you would like to leave our listeners with as an action item that they can implement this week to start working on redefining their confidence?
Speaker 2:I think, pick the one thing that's going to be the needle mover for you and commit to doing it for the next seven days, the next 14 days, whatever that timeframe is, with no outcome or expectation for how it's going to end up on the other side. Just commit to doing that thing daily and see how you feel at the end of that timeframe and I guarantee your confidence is going to be higher. You're going to feel better about yourself and all around your start You'll start to believe that you can do hard things.
Speaker 1:Love it. Thank you so much for being on, amanda. I had such a great time with you. I think you're doing amazing work. I love what you share. I wholeheartedly agree with everything. I teach a lot of that to my clients and it's really fun to hear your perspective and your view and how you framework it and your four steps. I think it's really going to help a lot of people. So thank you.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you so much. I had so much fun and, as I said, I adore you so much and I just appreciate the opportunity to spend some time with you and your community, and thank you so much.
Speaker 1:All right, I'll talk to you later. Thank you for joining us in today's episode. If you liked the content and want to hear more, remember to hit that subscribe button and write a review. As a small business owner, I appreciate it more than you know. If you are looking for a program to help with self-confidence, to lose weight, get in shape and work on your mental, physical and emotional health, check out my training programs on wwwbodybybreecom. My team and I help to hold you accountable through the Body by Bree app, where you log in to see all your workouts, custom meal plan made specifically for you and your needs, and communication through the messenger. You are never alone when you're on the Body by Bree training program. Click the link in the show notes to get more information on how to transform your life from the inside out.
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