You are exactly where you need to be Ft. Suz Tutty

Sick of feeling like your relationships keep failing? You just want to be heard and loved, but how? This week's episode is for you. I'm joined by the gorgeous Suz Tutty who is an empowerment coach from Perth and together we take you through;

• Communication and personality types to understand who you are
• The tools, skills and resources to build your confidence 
• How to seek value and not validation
• How your life journey (good or bad) is key to building who you are
• And MORE!

Follow Suz
@suztuttyempowermentcoach

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instagram.com/jaydedelpupcoaching

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

One of the biggest things is like you do not need all the answers. You have to go through, you have to go through the absolute horrific bottom of the barrel, deepest, darkest days. Because if you don't go through them, you're not allowing yourself to become the best version of you.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Okay, welcome to the show, Mrs Tuddy. How are you feeling today?

SPEAKER_02 0:34

I am super excited because we've obviously talked about this for as long as I can remember. It's probably at least the last 18 months. So it's very exciting to finally see a guest on your putty. No pressure.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

We have to have it perfect if we've waited 18 months. No pressure. Well, for everybody listening at home, I am welcomed today by the beautiful Suez Tunney, who is an empowerment coach. So tell the listeners a bit about what you do, babe.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

So I am very fortunate that I get to work with women and men who have gone through a lot of issues in their life, particularly relating to toxic relationships that have experienced domestic violence, because there's obviously obviously several different forms of that. And I also get the opportunity to help people who are building their businesses as well to create their plans and their flow charts as to how that runs and operates. So I am a gal of many talents. So not only do I have um superior coaching skills, I also have a lot of business experience and over, well, sorry, not over almost 20 years of sales experience as well. So I've taken a bit from every industry that I've been in, my own personal experiences, and now I'm in a position, thankfully, um to the opportunities that I've had, I'm now in a position that I get to use my own experiences and put my own flair to my coaching, my methodology, and to my business as well. So I'm very excited on this new path that I have just embarked on.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Yeah, that's beautiful, babe. And just by the way that you talk about your business, it comes from a position of I'm grateful I get to give back. I'm thankful that I have all this experience to now give back to other women and men.

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Definitely. And it's something that I actually reflected on. I cut up with a girl who I coached in um the former company that I used to work with. And we went through a huge restructure in March, April 2020 when COVID first hit. And I actually got to catch up with one of my first ever coaching, like formal coaching clients. And when we were talking the other day, it really came to me about how I had this idea about my business that I wanted it to be one way. And this is obviously post-exiting the former organization that I worked with, who I'm extremely grateful for everything they gave me because without them I wouldn't be where I am today. And also the work that I've done on myself, they gave me the skills and tools. And what I realized was I had this vision for my business. And then the more I talked about it, the more that it wasn't coming back to center for me. So I've now decided that from running a six-week program, which was my initial concept, I now really only want to go with bespoke coaching. So it's an opportunity where I get to choose who I work with, and they also get to choose me. And the reason that I want to go down, go down the route of bespoke coaching is that there is, and this is with no disrespect to any of the coaches out there, however, having identified lots of niches for others as well, I've now found where my soft um my sweet spot is. So it's really in that empowerment space with the experience and skills that I have. It's not just about personal growth and development, I can also do professional. So I really want to work with those that want that opportunity for themselves. And you're definitely right. Like I really want to give back because it's all about impact. So for me, I do this work because it's what I love. It's what I love what I do, it's my purpose, it's my passion. And also for me, it's the alignment as well. So I get to choose who I work with, and obviously they get to choose if I'm the right fit for them because it has to be a mutual alignment, and I'm very much tuning back into my my spirit side, my holistic side, my gut feeling, all of that, which I had probably been disconnected from for a period of time. And that's just due to a lot of things. I've experienced burnout. I actually just got my blood results um yesterday from um my iron tests, and I'm extremely, extremely low. So I'm at a point now in my life where I'm looking for that sweet spot and the balance of well, who do I work with and ensuring that they get the first best version of me? And it's even with this podcast, there's a lot of contributing factors that it's only now that we're getting to do it. So definitely that whole thing of gratitude, and we obviously do gratitudes as well. So it's really being grateful for our experiences because they are our greatest lessons.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Yeah, 100%. And I know for you, someone that's so in touch with and passionate about giving back, having that personal experience for yourself must be such an important part of your journey. And I know you yourself have had a very challenging past couple of years in a lot of aspects. So you're welcome to kind of talk us through what your journey's been like and why that's been so important to you to now shape that as part of who you are and how you're going to give back.

SPEAKER_02 5:20

Yeah, most definitely. So for me, it started off I've actually been married. Unfortunately, that didn't work out due to a number of reasons, which I will get into on another podcast with you because there's a lot to there's a lot to my story, and I really only want to focus on particular areas with you today. So I was previously married, and unfortunately that didn't work out. I was working fly in and fly out at the time. I then ended up in a relationship and it wasn't a great experience. Now, the combination of both relationships. So I was with my ex-husband for 10 years or so, or just around the 10-year mark, and then I entered into another relationship. And over time I realized that I wasn't myself in either of those relationships, or I was a shell of who I wanted to be. I don't, it's really hard to kind of I guess articulate. One of the biggest things that I noticed was that in both relationships, how I communicated was absent. How I articulated my needs was absent. And then therefore, it led me into this situation where I've gone through and experienced obviously going through a divorce, which has obviously been tiring and draining. And then I experienced going through another situation which did involve um financial abuse. There was a lot of different things. Think the Tinder swindler without the luxury, even down, I kid you not, even down to the watch. So I've just wrapped up a lot of things at the moment. And one of the biggest things that I noticed, particularly with the organization that I previously got to work with, was I really got to connect with those who went through domestic violence. And there's a huge, I guess, stigma about people feeling and seeing that domestic violence is only physical abuse. However, there's a whole load of different components to it. You've got physical abuse, you've got sexual abuse, you have financial abuse, you've got mental abuse, you've got emotional abuse. So all of those things start to um play a huge part in the person that you become. And I went through multiple different combinations of those. So I regained my power, I regained my emotional control, I regained a sense of who I was, and I started to find what my values and principles and beliefs were again. Because over the last 10 years, plus that has been severely clouded. I kind of was always a people pleaser. So the issues around boundaries and not being able to set them, not being able to say no, compromising myself at others' expense. And I got to a point over the last number of years, and I remember this specific conversation with my psych who I encouraged everyone to get a therapist, a psych, a coach, whoever it is. And she was explaining to me about when she first met me, which was the 14th of February 2019. And I remember the date specifically because it was Valentine's Day, and that date, that day, and she explained to me like I remember like I was lying on our couch, I was like a little girl, like rolling my eyes out, hugging a pillow. It was just like this like that inner child going back to that space of safety. And then we spoke November, and November just gone, and she was like, Suze, like when I first met you, I thought you had um that you were bipolar, that you had a personality disorder. However, it just turned out that I was just a highly functioning anxious person. So my anxiety was what led a lot of my choices and decisions. So having had a cloud of judgment and making bad choices at the time. Well, at the time, the choices that I made I felt were right. However, I've paid significant prices over the last three years for that. However, without those situations and lessons and experiences, I wouldn't be where I am today because that's what embarked me on my personal growth journey. And one of the biggest things that I've learned over this period of time is that we all experience some form of abuse in a certain way. However, not all of it is DV, and I'm not saying every person, a lot of a lot of people will go through situations and relationships where they don't know how to set boundaries. We seek so much validation from our partners and seeking that externally, therefore we're compromising boundaries. We are putting ourselves in situations that are unnecessary. We as women seek so much validation externally where the only person that can actually validate us is ourselves. We can seek value outside of a relationship and we can seek value through words of affirmation, knowing our love languages, knowing whether that's quality time or whatever it is. So there's a huge confusion or a huge disregard for the difference between both. And I know there has been previously running joke, running jokes about how I need an IV drift for validation.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

I don't know who's out of that room.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

It was like, you know, and it and it lasted, and you know, it was fun. And then it got to a point it's like, no, no, no, I don't need to be validated because I know I'm good at what I do. Yeah, I need to be valued. So this has sparked my whole empowerment journey in terms of empowering people to become irresistible. So I've got a my personal brand is called Irresistible and Co. However, I run with a theme which is called becoming irresistible with bubbles and bees. And what I mean by that is there's a significant theme of bubbles being champagne and rising. So that's obviously empowering, elevating, and raising standards and raising our val our individual value external validation internally, value externally. And then the B's are like boundaries, beliefs, bodies, um, you name it, I'll find something to do with B. And there'll be a theme, there'll be a story, an image, and I relay that through my Instagram, which is my main platform of sharing my journey and experience. And the whole purpose of becoming irresistible is to create the desire. So it's how can I show up as an irresistible human or a desirable human based on my own internal validation? So the last six, seven months have been a huge roller coaster for me on this journey. I've closed out several chapters, excuse me, several chapters, and it's just been phenomenal to look back on that journey of growth and to see the choices and decisions that I made and how they've gotten me to where I am. Like I am very much a fuck yes or a no girl. Like it's very much, if I see something that aligns with me, I am straight in their life swim where it's like, yep, I'm good to go with that. So much so that that's where a lot of my personal growth journey spiral from. And now I align myself with people who are the right value fit for me. So again, it's coming back to those values and in relationships, when we're not validating ourselves and we're seeking that externally, it's very easy for people to use those weak spots to compromise the relationship or to manipulate or to coerce, depending on what it is. And if you don't do this, I'll do this as a typical situation in a relationship. And that could be to do with financial, sexual, emotional, mental, physical, whatever it is. However, each person in a relationship, it's meant to be a team. So each person is responsible for how they show up and behave in that situation. So that's why it's super important for someone to understand and know one, how they can self-validate themselves, and two, how can they value themselves and what do they need externally, yet also having clear boundaries as to what's acceptable and what's not. Like, for example, the word toxic gets thrown around very loosely in narcissism and you're a narcissist, like they're very um common buzzwords these days. However, they're not all being used in the correct context. So, for example, Jade, if you and I have a conversation and we've different opinions, someone might say, Oh, well, that's a toxic opinion because you don't agree with me. However, it's not, you've got your opinion, I've got mine. And it's about being able to respect where each individual is at with those situations. So it's really important. And I've had this conversation with my parents, oh, you should have done this, you should have that. I'm like, hold on a minute, you don't know what I was going through. So please don't tell me what I should have done. And that is the worst thing that you can say to someone who's been through um any type of DV, it's hard enough already to bring it up because you're talking about like, well, you're so intelligent. How did you let yourself get into that? Um, could you not see what was going on? When you're in the dance, yeah, you are in that dance and you do not see anything. And you've got amazing friends, you get amazing family who want to try and take you out of it. However, the only way you can learn from that experience and to break the cycle is you have to get to that point yourself. Yeah. And I got to a point where I just I had I had had enough. It was either going down the route of committing suicide, and I don't see that to be dramatic. That was option A, or option B was I need to take responsibility and ownership over the choices that I've made. So which one am I choosing? Fortunately, I got to align myself with the right people to go, I need to take ownership. I need to do what I need to do and figure out who I am. And over the last three and a half years, I've been so fortunate that I've gotten to do that and I've gotten to align myself with amazing friends and now family here in Australia, New Zealand, um, interstate, like all like and overseas. And I've really found my connection and I am who I am. I I love the woman that I have become and more so falling in love with her more and more every day, having moved away from the industry that I was in in terms of being employed by someone, whereas now I get to go on my own journey and really finding out the things that are helping my mental health to overcome those situations that I've experienced. So if I don't train, I have yesterday and today are the first days that I've trained since the 24th of June, because I went back home to Ireland, I've been traveling ever since, and I've just been literally exhausted. So I find that my mental health declines when I'm not doing that one thing, which is hugely important to my mental health. And when I get into that space, I notice I become needy. I start to show those behaviors that aren't aligned with who I am. And I have to catch myself. I'm very I'm very fortunate, as are you, that we've got the skills and tools to be able to pull ourselves out and identify it and surrounding ourselves with those people. However, not everyone is as fortunate. And I want to be able to give back and help people just be able to say no. And that's really important for me to go. It's okay to say no, it's about having the skills and tools as to how to say no. And that can be in a relationship. It can be if you are in a relationship that isn't fantastic, being able to have the communication skills to prevent it from getting to that space of it becoming very toxic, very unhealthy. And again, that's another difference. So you've got a toxic relationship, and then there's being in a relationship with a narcissist. So they're two very different types of relationships because narcissism is actually a personality disorder, it's actually not used in the psychological world. They they try and refrain from using that phrase, whereas being in a toxic relationship is about having the toxic behaviors and patterns.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

So I want to bring so much awareness where I can through my story. Everything that I post, for example, on my Instagram, which is my main platform, you can actually scroll back through my Instagram and you'll see a huge change as to how I've posted the language that I've used. Like that's probably one of the biggest things as well. Like the language that we use, how do we talk to ourselves? Are like what I'm saying, you're you could be interpreting it different. Um, so it's also about bringing awareness into the different communication styles, bringing awareness into different personality styles. So I'll determine very quickly which quadrant someone falls into. So someone's direct, they just want all the information very snappy. It's the same if you're in a relationship, your partner may want the information extremely quick. If you're an influencer, there's a story, it's through storytelling. If you're a steady person, it's very much don't like change, so it's very consistent. So it's they're the type of people that you have to give time to go and review. The same with conscientious because they're very much very much systematic. So having the information around that and gone through my own experience and having done other personality profiles, when you've got that information available to you, it gives you that opportunity to one, validate yourself and go, no, I know that this isn't going to get the best out of me, I know this will. And also it gives you the opportunity to be valued outside and you can bring that into your relationship. So, how I want to empower those that I get to work with is by having those skills and tools and resources available to them. Because if I had of known what my personality type was 10 years ago, if I had of known a lot of what I it's that phrase like knowing what you know now, what would you do different? Yeah. And if I had all that information, I wouldn't have fallen into the relationships that I did. However, without those relationships, I now wouldn't be where I am today. So having gone from the relationship that didn't serve me, that literally crushed me like Humpty Dumpty. And anyone who's been in this situation will understand like when you're in a really horrible relationship, it feels like you've been humpty dumpty and you are just splattered all over the floor. And you're like, how am I going to rebuild myself? If I didn't have those experiences, I now wouldn't have been able to impact the lives that I have. It's trusting the process. And when you've got that trust, and especially having come from really bad relationships, you find a whole new level of passion within. You find a whole new purpose. And also it gives you the skills and tools to be able to connect with people on different levels. So when I look back at the organization that I worked with, literally I'd say at least five to ten conversations a week. And you and you were very fortunate that you got to hear some of them. We're all about people who've been in bad relationships because they didn't understand boundaries. Yeah. So I know I've kind of gone a long way around it, but all these things are important and forming boundaries. However, it's also really important to do a life audit, like audit your friends, audit your family members, like how they communicate to you, how do they make you feel after an interaction? Because if they're not making you feel good, well, you need to look at how I can change how I show up. Do I need to take time for that? Because a lot of relationships, when we fall into ones that don't serve us, especially on that DV level, and you're experiencing any of those situations, you really have to kind of stop and look at who you're surrounding yourself with and where have you seen these patterns and behaviors come from? Because our belief systems and our value systems are what we've seen from our parents or close friends, our grandparents. Today, you yes, I'm in like don't be fooled, I am in a great space today. However, like everyone, like I go through those lows, I cry. I the biggest thing that I've learned as well recently is, and it's been said to me multiple times, is to allow myself to have those feelings. So I've gone through all the motions, and and even though those situations are pretty much done and dusted, over the last 18 months, I've been working very hard on myself to be able to create the space to allow someone in that meets me where I'm at and where I can meet them where they're at as well. And if needs be, the compromise. However, in order for me to really show up as the best version of me, I still need to go through those emotions. I still need to feel those things. And even, you know, in five, 10 years, I'll still probably get moments where I'm still grieving because you're you're it's loss of the relationships, it's loss of what could have been, what should have been, it's loss of career. It's like I've lost the woman that I was. And at the moment, I'm not just grieving a couple of things, I'm grieving everything that the last three and a half years has given me through the connections. That I've had as well. So I need to go through that process of grief to now allow myself to level up, to become a higher frequency and vibration, to serve at a higher level. And it's all these things the Steve Jobs quote: you can only join the dots when you look back. The last five years have been significant to my growth, because if I didn't go through them, I wouldn't be as empowered. And I also wouldn't have the level of confidence or influence that I have developed. And I don't see that to be arrogant or egotistic. If anything, the minute I see ego, I kind of run because it just doesn't align with me. And I like I clash when someone's in ego and I also clash when I'm in mine. So it's the awareness of those things. And also, as well, when we're in relationships, it's like, are we surrendering and have we allowed ourselves that whole vulnerability to come in, or are we putting our walls up? Because again, these all play huge parts in the type of relationship that we're in. And also, you're not responsible for what your partner or ex-partner does. That's their responsibility. We're not responsible for fixing anyone. The only person that we can fix is ourselves. And that means that we make a choice to choose to be better or to choose to stay on the hamster wheel.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Yeah, wow. Thank you for sharing all of that. That's a lot. There's like, I feel like you've lived 10 lifetimes in one. Yeah. Like you said, at times when it feels like you're a cracked Humpty Dumpty that's fallen off the wall. And we used to say this all the time to each other in our previous workplace, like these two shall pass. And just know that unfortunately, even though it is shit, it is a huge lesson for you at that point in time of your life. It's part of your character building, it's part of what's building your belief systems, whether it's from an old belief or some new belief that you want to change it to. And I wrote so many notes as you were talking, that's a couple of questions I couple of questions I have for you. Oh, exciting. Oh, I know. Um I want to go back to because you were talking a lot about disc profiles, and it reminded me of our value systems. And I often talk about on my podcast the importance of knowing what your highest values are and how powerful that can be in a relationship. So talk to me about not only the disc profiling, but how you learnt about your personal values and how that empowered you to make better decisions? Because you went from not feeling like you could voice your opinion and you said you felt like a shell of a person and you couldn't say how you felt or and you felt shut down. So, how do you think getting to know yourself a bit better and understanding those values kind of empowered you to make better choices in relationships?

SPEAKER_02 25:10

That's a great question. I know what my values, they definitely were clouded. And I got to do when I was in Hawaii in 2019, got to do a lot of work on my value system um through one of the NLP techniques that we did over that weekend, over that weekend. And there I found that my values became in no particular order, it is definitely love, connection, integrity, honesty, and transparency. And albeit that they may not have been present when I made certain choices and decisions, I've now realized how integral that they are to me as a woman, and how and my friend tells me this the whole time, I'm at a point now where I'm probably too honest and too upfront, and it and it puts people off at times. However, I'm like, I'm not here, like I'd rather like I'm not here to beat around the bush. Like I'm not here to prolong the process. Like what you see is what you get. Um, obviously, it's not first date conversation, however, as things start to progress, and if I start to see that I've become invested, so it's like my PT, and this is where the um non-alcohol, the no alcohol came from, was like you're either committed or you're not. So which is it? So it's like you're either invested or you're not. And if I find that I get to a point of being invested, then it's like, hey, we need to have a conversation. So it's been given me a huge opportunity for that. So all of these things all intertwine. And if I had known 10, 15 years ago that I was an eye in the disc profiling, because it's been around since like the 50s. So if I had of exposure, had it had exposure to that previously, I'd know exactly where I'm at. So having all of these things definitely influence who I am and the values that I have. However, going back, like my big things are are love. And I was asked a question the other day, and I was like, what does love mean to you? And it's like to really sit with that and to identify. And of course, I ignored the question, which isn't uncommon with me at times when I really don't want to feel into it. However, I was having a conversation with a friend on Sunday, and we're talking about relationships, and I was like, I said, Well, do you love the woman that you are? And that was that was all that I needed to go internally. Yeah, and that was all that I needed to identify well, what does love mean to me? Because when you know what love means to you, and when you form your connection with someone, friendship, family, intimate, whatever it is, those things come hand in hand. And that's probably one of the biggest things, as well, is a self-awareness, knowing about these different personality types, knowing how to engage and how to have those conversations. And believe it or not, like disprofiling is hugely prevalent and relevant to dating, um, or through building any type of relationship. You know, if you've got a partner and they're a steady conscientious, they're a steady person, they very much like to process things, so they'll speak intentionally. So how they process something is very different. And me being an I, like I'm up here highly influential, like for an S person, like they will literally run the opposite direction if I don't engage with them correctly. So it's also being very clear on that. If I'm talking to someone that's um very decisive, very direct, it's like, okay, you need this, this, and this information, whereas I's, s's, and c's need all the information and SNC, they will never like give you decisions on the spot. Well, if you're in intimate relationships, it may be a bit different because you've built that relationship and that rapport and the awareness is there. So all these things play huge components. And I'm also a huge fan of the love language test. Yeah, everyone should do this, whether you're in a relationship or not, because when you know how you like to be communicated to, all these things link back to the ability and the opportunity that you have in your relationship with friends, family, and again a partner, and you're not going to enter into those toxic spaces, or if you are moving in that direction, it's becoming quite negative. You then have the skill to pull that back. And the five love language is probably one of the easiest things for anyone in a relationship to do. It takes five, ten minutes, you'll find out about your type, and it's especially it's a great exercise to do with a partner or a new partner as well. So all these things, and I know I'm kind of going off on a tangent, I'm sure there's a point here as there as we go through. However, all these things are so significant into how I now show up. So having gone from being in poor friendship circles, being in poor relationships, relationships that don't serve me, now having these skills, I am very fortunate that a lot of my friends, and I call these inverted commas, the low maintenance friendships, where we are that close that you don't need to give them the validation that we're still friends. Yeah. And when you're and when you're in that space, you know that you're with people that are secure in themselves. So a lot of it comes down to security as well in oneself. If you're insecure in yourself, that obviously radiates through your energy, through how you show up, through how you communicate. And then that obviously shows up in friendships and people kind of start to push you away. It's the same in relationships. So when you're insecure in yourself, again, it's another way of a relationship becoming toxic and you know, without realizing it, the one that's insecure. And I'm sure there's been times in relationships where I have been the toxic person and I've behaved in that way. However, I was so unaware of those traits, behaviors, and patterns until I've gone on this journey and found these different resources to identify okay, how can I communicate better? How can I connect better with someone? How can I become more secure on myself? How can I become more desirable? How can I become that irresistible woman or irresistible man? Because, you know, I do get I do get to work with a lot of men as well. And it's about creating that internal dialogue with yourself and being able to have those conversations.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Yeah, a hundred percent. And I know you've spoken a little bit about, you know, just the woman that you've become and the self-worth journey and wondering what you would have done with that, knowing what you know now previously. But I think to know yourself and to be secure with who you are and fall in love with yourself is the power going into a relationship, whether that's a friendship or a romantic relationship. And unfortunately, we're not born with all these tools and this knowledge. And I think it's yeah, we always wonder about that, but I think it's unfair to put that pressure on ourselves to say, I need to know who I am completely and I need to have all the answers and I need to figure it out and I need to have all these tools and skills. Because yes, you mentioned knowing your values, the disprofiling, the love languages. We're not born knowing all of that. Unfortunately, they don't teach it to us in school. It's something that we pick up along the way, right? And if you ever are in a relationship where you're doubting yourself, just know that you haven't completed yourself yet, right? Like every tool you learn and every skill you learn, you're building the blocks to create this better version of yourself. That also means taking the lessons from perhaps a toxic, quote, toxic relationship as well.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

Hugely. And that there is huge pressure that you need to have all the answers now. You don't. Um, you've seen my bookshelf, it's full of self-help books, pretty much, right? However, I've got a lot of those and I'll only read them when I'm ready. At the time they stood out to me, I'll go back and read them when I'm ready. However, a lot of the you need to know yourself is knowing what do you like and what you do you dislike. That is probably the most important thing, is knowing, okay, I like this, I don't like this. Great, because you're starting to know what your passions are. And it's not necessarily about being able to analyze someone or to read body language. You only, depending on maybe your career or the journey that you're on, they can be beneficial. However, you don't need to go into a relationship being analytical either. And I've had a I've had a poll on me from my friends, being like, hey, I need friend sues, not coach sues.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

And it's also being very important when we're in this space, being able to turn off those buttons. I depending on where I'm at, and and if I've had a lot going on, I'll actually I actually ask my friends, like, hey, tell me what version you want. Because sometimes um it's also a skill to be able to fluctuate back and forth very quickly. However, depending on what's going on in my world, sometimes I just need to be asked, like, what do you need for? And that's why, and you and I have done this before, it's like, well, how can I support you? Because then that way, by asking that question, I then know who I need to be. And you're right, like one of the biggest things is like you do not need all the answers. You have to go through, you have to go through the absolute horrific bottom of the barrel, deepest, darkest days. Because if you don't go through them, you're not allowing yourself to become the best version of you. And you know, we talk about like self-love and self-care. I am the biggest fan of a bath. Put me into a bath for a week and I will be carrying an inflatable bath.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

I will be on fire for weeks and then, however, I've find out and realized that for me, and like what do I love about myself is water has become so important to me. I took myself to Xavier Rudd last week. I went on my date, a date, by myself to a concert, and realized in that concert that I had been missing joy in my life. So through the music, I um I cannot sing. However, I can pick up a beat, I can tap, and I, you know, give me an opportunity, and I'm in that space. And I realize that music resonates with water. We're we're water. I live in South Perth. I'm looking out at the river now, I go to the ocean quite a lot, I love sunsets. All those things are forms of self-care. And self-care and self-love is doing the smallest little thing that might even just be sitting in bed drinking a hot cup of tea. Like they're simple little, yeah, like they don't have to be these big exorbitants that you do. However, it's also knowing that it's okay that you don't have the answer yet, and that is the significant word is yet. The chapter that you're going through right now kind of it doesn't have a name yet, so you can only sometimes like yes, you're writing a new chapter, however, you can't name that until you've closed this chapter and you move forward. So it's like joining the dots, and I think that's also something for people who are getting into relationships to be aware of or who are already in relationships is don't go in looking for the answers. Um, you find the answer within, and I just excuse me one moment because there's a post that I um or an image that I posted the other day, and it's from one of my favorite authors from a book called The One Thing. Anyone who's coached with me knows you love that book.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

I have to that's gonna be on your um grave when you're buried, is the one.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yeah, um literally life is a question and how we live it is in our is our answer. So life is a question and how we live it is our answer. And I watched um Marry Me when I was flying back from New Zealand, and there was a question in there, or there's a quote in there, and that's with a movie by J Lo. And there's a quote in there about how the answer is within.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Yeah, and you gotta be patient with yourself. Patience is the key.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Patience is patient, it's something I'm not. Um, all the answers now. Or I pay pay being patient is something I have struggled with, however, I'm definitely getting better at practicing patience. I actually want to get a tattoo of um patience is power just here as a reminder, because it really is about patience. You have to sit in the uncomfortable, you have to sit in that space to get the answers. And you know, I've taken a bit of a break off social media. I'm still all if anyone messages me at the moment, I'll respond, but I'm not active at the moment because I'm like, I need that mental space at the moment, and not not ideal when you're just starting up your own business, wherever I'm like, well, hey, I I got this, there's no rules, it'll it'll figure itself out, and it's that whole thing of patience, and when you're in relationships as well, you know, you you argue for the limitation, what you know, the quote if you argue with your limitations, you get to keep them. So that quote, so like if you're in a relationship and your partner isn't or your friend and they're showing up in a particular way, like unless you actually address it, you're enabling that because you're not stopping it. So it's really about having the power and confidence to be able to go, hold on a minute, hey, like honey, really don't agree. Like, you know, I appreciate everything that you do for me. However, yeah, I don't like, or this makes me or this makes me feel, or I value when you do this. It's really important to just have those small little communication skills because they can be the difference in you staying in that relationship and turning it around. And that's what it's all about, whether it's those friendships, all of those things. And you know, it's just such an interesting space. And you're right, like again, can cannot emphasize enough how important it is that you don't need all the answers. You have to be patient, you have to go through the storm, you have to weather that storm to get the answers.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

And I think like we've shared so much today. And I think the main point Susan and I are trying to drive home and just to summarize is this is it's gonna be a fucking tough journey, right? But the only thing that matters is your relationship with yourself. And at times that may seem like it's out of touch, it's too far away, you can't even see it coming. Is it within my reach? Yes, it is. You're just not where you need to be right now. And in order to get to that point of feeling confident in feeling assertive and speaking up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries and the importance of self-care, everything that's just shared, is teaching yourself, go to personal development seminars, read books, listen to podcasts, all it is. And remember, we talked about building up those building blocks of skills and lessons and everything to build your character, to build your self-worth. It takes time, it takes effort, but that you deserve that effort and time. And you have to put yourself first. If you expect to have a beautiful relationship with others, you have to take the time to put the relationship with yourself first. And yeah, I just want to say thanks so much for coming on the show today, babe. I think you've shared wealth and value and huge takeaway for the girls. Um, do you want to let the girls know where they can find you? Of course.

SPEAKER_02 40:34

I've got one I've got one last quote for them, which is you're exactly where you need to be in this exact moment in time. Yeah. So you're exactly each and every one of us is exactly where we need to be. And it's a process and it's a journey. So don't rush it and don't do not try and shortcut it. For anyone who wants to follow me and find me where I'm at, you can go over to my Instagram. It's probably the best place where you will find me. And my handle is Suze Tutti Empowerment Coach. So I'm sure Jade will pop that in one of the links as well because it is an unusual spelling, um, as my surname and how I pronounce my name. And then from there, you've got my link tree and everything in there. So you can find me on Instagram and Facebook as well. Anis, thank you so much. It's been absolutely amazing being on your podcast.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Thank you so much for coming. Enjoy the rest of your day. Mewtwo.