Mood Swings & Mindset Shifts

Emotions can feel overwhelming, but what if you could manage them instead of letting them manage you? 

In this episode, we’re diving into the power of shifting your perspective on emotions—learning to embrace, understand, and use them to your advantage.

Tune in for practical tips on emotional mastery and transforming your feelings into fuel for growth!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome back to another episode of Wok Up Worthy. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. This week we're getting into the nitty-gritty of motions. Emotions. This is probably one of my most regular topics with my clients in so many different forms. I literally have a whole course section on emotions. Like it's insane. Obviously, in conjunction with your confidence and self-worth and self-love, having control of those emotions, having a deep understanding of your emotions, your emotional library, your capabilities, your capacity, um, your limitations, just how you relate to those emotions, what they mean to you, and what you choose to do with them. That was a really long sentence. Is make or break for your confidence and self-worth. So I do have a couple of episodes already on emotions on this podcast. So if you want to learn more than what you're already gonna feed your brain with after this episode, then feel free to go through those episodes as well. But my understanding and my advice around emotions is you will never quite master it because everybody has their own interpretations of emotions, everyone wants different things with their emotions. Um, and at the end of the fucking day, we're all human beings, and I think emotions are part of us for a reason, and that's what I teach in terms of your understanding of emotions and what they're actually there for. So, for example, I have had a few clients that I've had calls with that will ring me and say, How do I stop feeling angry? And I say, Why do you want to stop feeling angry? Angry is a fantastic emotion. I've if I take away the understanding that there are negative emotions and positive emotions and start looking at your emotions in specific scenarios or specific moments or opportunities, try to reframe your outlook on those emotions in that moment. Is this moment is this emotion helpful to me right now, or is it not helpful? Not negative or positive, because there's definitely we obviously characterize quote unquote negative emotions such as anger, sadness, guilt, fear, um, things like that, we go, oh, that's a negative emotion. And because we label it negative, it's our automatic reaction to go to feel some sort of guilt or try to avoid feeling those emotions. When I encourage you not to eliminate any emotions in your vocabulary or your emotional library, as we call it, rather than eliminating these powerful, in some cases, emotions, we're going to change your outlook on them. For example, I love giving I'm sucker for a good example. The feeling of anger. Now, I believe that these emotions that we associate with negative, if you look at emotions as a trigger or a warning sign, for example, something happens, you experience something, you're part of a scenario, and you then feel an emotion. So, for example, um, you find out that your partner has cheated on you, you feel sadness, hurt, anger, disappointment, frustration, and you're sitting here like, oh, they're all negative emotions. Sure, but the reason that those emotions are coming up is they're triggering a response to something that's happened, and it's triggering a sponsor to a values conflict. So you might value honesty, you might value trust, you might value love, connection, and someone cheating on you is going against all of those values and what you believe in and what you um idolize in a relationship for yourself. So the emotion is a response to something that's happened that just doesn't sit right with you. So it can also be used in a powerful sense, right? If you felt anger enough or you felt sadness enough, then those emotions are supposed to propel you or encourage you or motivate you to make decisions based on what's happened. Now, at a surface level, this is what's supposed to happen, but we don't because we're humans who think with our heart rather than our head. Is we feel sadness for so long, or we feel so much anger at this betrayal. How dare you cheat on me? I'm breaking up with you. It's supposed to motivate you toward a decision to look to a more positive outlook, right? Or a more positive outcome. So we're supposed to be intuitive to those emotions. Um, I always say this something to follow a rule of thumb, as you will, with my clients. Something happens, right? You go, what happened? What does it mean to me? And what am I gonna do about it? So the second part, what does it mean to me? That's where you would explore what emotions have come up, what reaction have I had for this? On a positive side, if you get promoted at work, you feel a sense of happiness, joy, fulfillment, positive emotions that mean something is in alignment, something's happened that you're happy about. If you got promoted against your will, if you got moved to a different department at your workplace, and you notice the emotion that came up was sadness, frustration, anger, something's wrong. Something's wrong. It's a trigger. So to bring it back to the start, when I have clients that say, um, Jade, I don't want to feel anger anymore. Help me, help me release anger. Well, it's not that you don't want to feel anger. We want to understand what anger means to you at a deeper level, but also are you allowing your emotions to control you and consume you, or are you controlling them? There's a difference between feeling the emotion, sitting with it, what does it mean to me? What is it trying to tell me? What's it triggering? And then letting it go versus it just completely consuming your whole life. If I were to ask you, can you think of someone that's always happy? Can you think of someone that's always angry? Like their first initial reaction to anything is angry. You feel like you're walking on eggshells because they'll just fucking set off at any point in time. If I were to ask you to think about those people, you you have someone in your head, right? And those people don't have control over their emotions, they don't have an understanding of the emotion being a warning for something or the emotion being a trigger to do something about their situation rather than they just allow that emotion to control their life or navigate their life and their decisions. We can take this in another direction and a second part to understanding your emotions is if you do not feel them or understand them, you begin to suppress them. So for people that go, oh, I just don't cry, or I don't like crying, or um, I don't like feeling anything, I don't like feeling angry, you know, that there's a certain point where you go, okay, you're you're controlling your environment, which is fine, but also like it's okay to it's okay to feel those emotions. Same with the clients that are like, I don't want to feel angry anymore. Well, you do like angry is anger's great. Tell me you haven't had a great exercise training session without a little bit of like an anger to get you through, okay? It's okay to use these emotions and to feel them, but when we're suppressing them, if you imagine as a cute little analogy, if you imagine a pot of water on the stove and the water is boiling, right? Starting to boil, every time you suppress an emotion or don't deal with your emotions in a healthy way, e.g. journaling, talking to a friend, seeking help, um, dumping your thoughts before you go to bed, um, voice notes, whatever you need to do to dump those thoughts or to think out those thoughts in your mind and your emotions. The more that you suppress them, the water gets hotter and hotter and hotter. The pot obviously has a lid on it until one day you get to boiling point and the lid flies off, it explodes, the water pressure is too much under that lid and it explodes. That's why people have nervous breakdowns. That's why people get to the point in their life where it just stays at that boiling tipping point. So someone might drop a spoon and all fucking hell breaks loose, or they stub their toe and it's the end of the fucking earth, they're punching things. Someone makes a comment where normally you'd be able to be like, all right, I'll let that one slide, but you go to jail. Like you live in this constant state of pressure cooker where you are on edge constantly. People are walking on eggshells around you because you're a ticking time bomb. You need to have healthy outlets. So, the part of it of I need to have awareness of my emotional range, I need to understand what those emotions mean to me. I need to acknowledge that it's okay to feel this spectrum of emotion. There is no such thing as positive or negative, and I don't want to ever feel negative emotions again. It is your emotional library of all emotions that are uh positive reactions and okay and warranted reactions to something that's happening to you in your life, and then it's having healthy outlets to manage those emotions so that you can feel them as a human being should, and those emotions don't control you or consume you and lead you to boiling point. At a deeper level, um, talking about the emotional spectrum or your emotional range, there will be deeper emotions at play that are often linked to trauma or just something very heavy or impactual that's happened in your life. So emotions like fear, shame, self-doubt, things like that, if they're not dealt with correctly, and obviously we can do surface level things, but nine times out of ten, that looks like professional help, seeing a coach, doing a program, a lot of NLP breakthrough techniques, which is what I do with my clients, to really uncover that surface level emotion. If they're not dealt with correctly or managed, or you have awareness of it, it you carry that through life at a subconscious level, and that is how you show up in the world. You show up in the world carrying fear, show up in the world carrying shame, you show up in the world carrying guilt. And I guarantee you that a lot of the time we don't know that that's the core emotion that's at play, and it manifests in other ways, such as if you carry a deep fear, it might mean you don't ask for promotions at work. It means you don't put yourself out there, fear of judgment, fear of failure, things like that. This this deep sense of guilt, you'll always be in conflict. If you have a guilt for, you know, how you show up in the workplace versus not having time for your kids, or um, I feel this guilt for staying in a relationship. I shouldn't be, but I can't bring myself to leave. And instead of managing those deep feelings that are obviously from something that's happened a lot earlier, they will show up in your adult life and present as resentment for your partner, present as um just unhappiness and unworthiness in relationships because you can't bring yourself to leave. It presents as anger to your kids and resentment to your kids because there's that conflict, um, because you're carrying that guilt. It looks and manifests in so many different ways, and I can roll off a hundred scenarios off my tongue just from speaking to my clients. So these deep emotions that we carry that are connected to something that's happened to us in the past are now sabotaging your current state of mind, your current abilities, your current outlook on the world and how you show up and what decisions you make because they were not dealt with in an appropriate way or at all. Or even now, if like obviously when we're younger, we don't have the opportunities, awareness, or ability to deal with those kind of things. A lot of it is subconscious. But as an adult, if you the the idea is that you recognize problems. We at a surface level have awareness of our behaviors. So if you have awareness of your behaviors, you will understand if you do the work that they are like, they are connected to limiting beliefs at your core, and they're connected to deeper emotions that are holding you back. If they are not dealt with, can hinder your confidence, your self-worth, and just how you show up in the world. I'll give you a few tips on how to manage your emotions because it's all well and good. We sit here and go, Well, yeah, that's what you've been telling me the whole podcast, but how the fuck do I do that? I mentioned a few earlier in terms of journaling, like you can do it at the end of the day, you can set a time aside during the day for it, um, whether that's writing or I don't like writing. I feel like my thoughts happen too quickly for me to write my hand to keep keep up with my thoughts. So I voice note um just literally the voice note app on my phone and just word vomit. You know, if it I think it takes the pressure off, you you remove the cloak, you remove the wall, the ability as if you were speaking to a friend or professional help, if you just word vomit, and it doesn't have to make sense. You just like because the thing is, if you're not dumping those thoughts from your mind, it stays in your head and it spirals. You think of every worse possible story to happen, every worst case scenario, you get angry and upset about things that haven't even happened, you've just made them up in your head. So you spiral and it consumes you. This is what I'm talking about. You need to have an outlet for those thoughts. So keeping that um structure of questions in mind, what's happened? What does it mean to me, and what am I going to do about it? So you could dump your thoughts if something happens in the moment, something that day, or you could create a really successful positive habit where you dump your thoughts at the end of every day. It can also be an opportunity for you to practice gratitude and positive reflection from that day. What did you learn? What are you grateful about? What are you happy about? Things like that. But especially for those challenging moments that you had that day and you need to release something, having things in place is healthy. And um, you could literally set your phone up and talk to yourself on camera. There's just different avenues of doing things. It could be a typed journal if you don't want to write. Some people paint. Um, some people, if you feel like moving your body helps as well, go for a walk, call a friend. As long as what you're doing, you're letting the thoughts out. So if you're going for a walk, call someone. If you're going for a walk, talk to yourself. You want to dump those thoughts. We don't want to carry them and for them to sit and stew in that boiling pot of water. But yeah, I leave you with the takeaway that really challenge your perspective of your emotions. Um, are they serving you? The current emotions that you're holding on to, are they serving you? Or are they hindering your life experience and your self-worth and confidence in particular? So have a little thought. I always encourage my clients to keep a little emotional diary. What emotions did you feel today? What emotions did you feel this week? And you'll obviously notice a pattern. Like, what are your top go-to emotions? Again, warrant it, if something shit happened, you're allowed to be pissed off. Um, but if not a lot is happening and you're you felt angry all week or you felt sad all week, you know, that's that's normally an indication that something's not right. So this is your mind fucking screaming at you, going, hey, not cool with something that's going on here. Like, listen, let's let's talk about it. If you and your mind are two different people, like let's talk about it. Why do you feel so sad? Mind what's going on? Why did this scenario upset you so much? I'm so glad you asked, Jade. It really shook off my boundary. I tell you, oh, really? I didn't realize we had a boundary. Exactly. Exactly. This is me trying to tell you. That person pissed me off because we actually value this. I'm not sure if you're aware, but we do. And you forgot. This is my way of reminding you. We're pissed off at that person now, and now we're gonna stew on it all week. I don't know where that skit just came from. But you understand? Like, think of your mind as your best friend, it is trying to tell you something. So really pay attention. I'll always, always share with you guys. If you go on my Instagram page right now, most of the posts are about awareness. You need to be aware of what your mind is trying to tell you. If you and your mind can be best friends, really get in touch with what it's trying to tell you, you will feel way more in control of your emotions. Way more in control. For example, another example. I had a client, this is the same one that said, I don't want to feel angry anymore. And I said, Okay, talk me through what happened step by step. This happened and I got really angry. And I said, Okay, what's what's wrong with that? What's the problem? Well, I don't want to get angry. Okay, is is what happened do you feel like that was okay? No. Okay. Do you like did that upset you? Yeah. Okay, so is the emotion warranted? Yes. So what's the problem? I don't want to get as angry as I did. Okay, that's okay. So this is where we teach behavioral techniques or just tools in your little toolkit to go, okay, what's happening? What does it mean to me? What am I gonna do about it? Now, in saying that, I'm 32 years old this week and I still don't have emotional fucking mastery. Okay, I'm a human being, my partner does something to piss me off, and I'm pissed off. Might get a little snappy, depending on the time of month. Might have a little yell here and there, but you know what? The ability to sit and reflect and take ownership on hey, probably shouldn't have raised my voice. I'm sorry. Probably shouldn't have thrown a spoon at you. Just kidding. I don't throw, I don't throw spoons, I throw forks. Um kidding. I was gonna say, it's like the more tools you have, you would rather have the knowledge, the wisdom, and the tools to better manage your emotions than to not have them at all. And the more you learn about your emotions, they are not gonna go away. You are not gonna be an emotionless sack of potatoes. Okay, you are a human. We feel emotions for a reason. That's what I'm trying to drill into your head. Emotions are there for a reason. What are they trying to tell you? And the second part of that is managing those emotions. The the more you do it, the better you get it. Same with any other skill. Your mindset and your emotions and managing them are a skill. So I gotta practice. And the first step to doing that is having awareness. I've drilled this in too much now. Awareness, awareness, awareness. So have a think. Keep a diary if you feel like it. Bring your friends. Hey, if you were to describe me with three emotions. Oh, that could get real messy. Uh you're a bit of an arsehole, Jane. A bit of a fucking asshole. Oh, sorry. You're angry all the time. I feel like you've been real sad this week. What's going on? You know? Emotions spark conversation for change. Fuck. I need to write a book. Just kidding. I'm just I'm rambling now. I need to wrap this up. So reflect on your week. That's been. Reflect on today. Just ask yourself, what's a recurring emotion? Is it serving you? If not, if it's not, what's going on? What's it trying to tell you? What boundaries is it crossing? What values are in conflict? Have you got beef with someone? What is it? Just be aware of them. Say thank you to yourself. Thank you. Inside Brain Jane, thank you. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for taking the time to have this conversation. Appreciate you. What are we gonna do about it? And that's it, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, I'm gonna wrap this up because I'm just dribbling shit right now. So thank you so much for tuning in this week. Make sure you hit follow wherever you're listening to this podcast so you're notified that a new episode has come out. And if you if you love it, if you love the shits and gigs, if you love the fucking chin wags that we're having, jump on, rate it out of five, give it a five, just because you know, I might get emotional if you don't. Okay, wrap it up, Jay. Honestly, no one's listening at this point. Okay, that's it, we're done. Bye.