Stripped Down: Art, Sex & Reinvention- Ft. Steph Herde

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Steph, an artist and in the adult industry, who turned heartbreak into a masterpiece of self-liberation. 

Steph tells the story of how her grief became the unexpected catalyst for her empowered new path of sexual freedom and creative awakening. 

She explores the unfiltered truth of embracing pleasure, passion, and power on your own terms. 

Tune in for a conversation that’s bold, beautiful, and unapologetically freeing.

Steph

IG: @stephherde.art & @_steph_2.0
TikTok: @theskimpyartist

See her next art exhibition:
‘The hidden kink community of Perth’ on the 18th of July 2025 in Northbridge.

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Follow me & connect!
instagram.com/jaydedelpupcoaching

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https://www.facebook.com/groups/634737754099311

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I think we really do live our lives in so much fear, fear of what it will look like for everyone else. But at the end of the day, no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. And to be honest, your friends probably want you to leave that relationship or that job that you whinge about constantly.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

All right, I am welcome by my beautiful friend Steph. Steph, how are you? I'm good, thank you. Thank you for having me. Of course. So why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about who you are and what you do?

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Yes, so uh I guess currently my name is Steph. I am an artist. I specialise in nude and kink-friendly artwork, and I also do a little bit of skimping on the side, so like lingerie bartending and a little bit of OF as well. So my art, OF, and skimping all sort of tie in together, and it's really quite a diverse format.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Definitely empowering. I've told so many people just about you and your story, and I thought it was so worthy getting you on the pod because I know a lot of women are in that position where they might not necessarily have a bad relationship or even just how they feel about themselves at the time. But I feel like your story just really shares the point that you don't have to settle for just feeling eh, you can fucking explode and 10x like that liberation of yourself. So I feel like that your story is perfect for that. Um, I want to take the listeners back to when we first met, just kind of if you want to talk about like the place that you were in in terms of how you felt about yourself, and obviously we can dive into the chat that we had and it just exploded from there. So yeah, how was that place for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Um, so you know how there are parts in your life where you just like that like glitches in your life's sort of path and you remember them so clearly. I truly like that day of when I met you was one of those days where it was just like, I remember those details so clear. Like it's actually quite silly. But um, where I was at that point in time, I was really trying to can like shrink myself into a mold that made others comfortable that I personally was really struggling with. Um, I was in a monogamous relationship with someone who on paper was wonderful and for another partner he's a great fit. But it was that thing where I was convincing myself like he's great on paper, he's everything and all that stuff, but I also wasn't happy. And I was like, the problem is me. Like he's fine, I'm the issue, and it's not a thing of who's at fault, it's just also knowing when to actually acknowledge when something's not working. Yeah, and at that stage in my life, I was really quite guided by fear, and I was afraid to leave that situation I was in, that relationship, and I sort of had just almost um accepted that that was gonna be my life. Like that was my lot in life. I think I was only 28 when I met you, and I'm 31 now. Yeah, it's been a while. And um something something about the late 20s, you think your life is about to fall off the edge at 30. It doesn't, obviously. Yeah. If anything, you start to live when you're 30. Absolutely. And um, yeah, and it was just I just remember it because I felt I like going into what we spoke about, when I recall that moment of who I was then, I was very like small and hidden, and I was quite like very shy in myself, which is quite funny. I'm six foot one, so being you stand out literally the opposite. Yeah. And um, I'll never forget that moment when you because you had recently just left um a relationship as well that you said much was the same as mine in the way it was great on paper. Everyone loved him, family loved him, yeah, and but it wasn't right for you, and you left and it was like you went from being all hunched over and sort of shrunken down and suddenly it was like chest out, and you just when you arrived at the lunch that we were having, like you just radiated this really beautiful energy, and I was drawn to you immediately. And when you told me that story, and you're like, My chest is out, and like you really embodied that, and it was that moment where I realized I was sitting there all hunched over, and I was in that moment of like, oh, I'm literally shrinking myself. And it's funny, I recall that moment so often because I'm now truly like shoulders back, yeah, chest out, like I'm really emboldened in myself, and like that was a moment when I spoke with you. It just actually I think was that cracking of the like lines that start to form before it all breaks, and you start again.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah, so yeah. That maybe Terry, that's such a fucking powerful story for me. And like, for how long had you been feeling like that until it takes pretty much a stranger to shine awareness on it, right? Like, how long had you had those thoughts about where that relationship was going?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

I think in all of my relationships, like I I'm very fortunate that I attract these really lovely partners that I wasn't honest with myself that I was not a monogamous person. Yeah. So sooner or later those relationships would get to a point where that partner would be like, let's think marriage, let's think kids, and I'm sitting there like trapped, trapped, trapped. And it's funny, I think that also just goes when you're not with the right person as well. Yeah. But um the monogamy part really felt like a sort of chokehold on me, and so every relationship had those similar rhythms, and in that relationship in particular, probably been like maybe a year of being in it, and I think I was with him for another six or so months after that. Yeah, and um yeah, like but it's funny. Um, there's this comedian Daniel Sloss, and he does this great show on like this uh great stand-up on couples that stay together because it's just easy. Yeah, and he's like, once you sow the weed of doubt, like it's a weed, it doesn't need water, it will grow. And I felt like your thing where you said to me, like, shoulders back, that played in my head over and over again. And I was like, Oh, I just want to be like that, like I want to be confident and comfortable in myself.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Yeah, it's crazy. Like this, this is why I always encourage people to be so open and raw and authentic, because you never know what conversations you have with people will change their fucking life. Like, and it's not it's not about me or what I've said to you, babe. Like that capability was always inside of you. Sometimes it just takes like a bit of a jolt to the system to action that. So tell me, obviously, you stayed for another six months, timeline's not important, but what was that defining moment for you to actually break free of that and put yourself first and go, you know what? I'm I'm not at my happiest. And what did that look like?

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Oof. Um, so it will get a bit dark. Um that's okay. My mum suddenly passed away. Yeah, so and so she I was in mining at the time. Yeah, and that so I was in mining, I was in my dozer up on the tip, and I found out that my mother had died suddenly. Um, it was very unexpected, and it was an incredibly awful experience. Um there's something incredibly debilitating about that type of shock and grief. I couldn't move. I couldn't stop screaming either, which was it's a very out-of-body experience. And my ex-partner at the time, who worked on the same side as me, I will always be grateful for him because he was the one that pulled me out of that machine, who organized everything, who kept my head turned on. Like he kept me going through that period of time. So my gratitude to him will always be there. But it was when it came time after the funeral, after the few weeks I'd spent back in South Australia with my family, that I had to come back to Perth. And it was during that period of time, I had 10 days where I didn't see my partner and I realized that was the longest we'd gone without seeing each other. And it was the most alive I'd felt, and the most myself I had allowed myself to be. And I sat down with my dad and had this big conversation about how I'm polypansexual, and he knew all this stuff, but really never talking it out with him. And I think just having lost mum, we were just so devastated and we just knew that life obviously is too short. And my dad loved my ex, like my family adored him, he was a wonderful person. But at the end of the day, they love me and they want me to be happy. And my dad was just like, if anyone can do it, you can. You have your own financial backing of your own house, like you will be okay. And that was also when I told him I wanted to leave mining as well. So after a big grief like that, everyone tells you, don't make any massive decisions, don't change things because you're in a vulnerable space right now. Yeah. And my mum's best friend actually told me those exact words. And I ended up leaving my long-term partner four years and my job that I'd been in for five years, and it was the best thing I ever did. Like it was a huge change. Um that it was yeah, it just meant that I could actually start living. Like it was this really it took my mum dying for me to start living. And I hate that. She never got to see this side of me, that it was just like losing her just made me realize that I was living this life that looked good from the outset, but deep down I was so miserable and I wasn't living, and now I am, and it's just yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

And if it's any comfort to you, like I'm not sure what you believe in, Babe, but I know she she's seeing you now, and she's so fucking proud of the person that you are. And unfortunately, your story is it took grief to it's almost like the grief was motivation to go, you're right, life is too fucking short, like let's do something with it. And she 100% can say that. So that's so beautiful and so powerful. Heavy, but that's just your journey, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Exactly. And yeah, it's one of those things because um, whenever I tell people I used to be in mining and now I'm an artist and I do all this stuff, I think people expect it to just be like this fun, bubbly journey, and I always have to let them know, like, I'm gonna go dark, like I do apologize, but like this is why. And um, you watch their face go from like, oh, and you're just like, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Yeah, but like I encourage it honestly, because I believe that again, what I said previously about just being like open and authentic and raw, some of the best experiences and the biggest pivotal moments in people's lives are from dark shit. Like you either let it consume you and you go backwards, or it's like a turning point for some people. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

Well, that was it. Like, I've relied heavily on my mum for emotional support, for friendship, like she was everything to me, and we were so close, and I was so fortunate to have that relationship. I've got to be on the phone with her three times a week. But I also realized how much I relied on her to get through my life. So, like, I would be loading trucks in a loader, and I would still be on the phone with her, like pretty much crying about how unhappy I was in mining. And there was this moment where I was like, I can't go back to that life without her. I cannot go back to my job, my relationship without her. Like, I could only survive those things because I always had her. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

So wow, that's really interesting. That's cool. Yeah. It's almost like you because you weren't like the the best version of yourself or being true to yourself, it's like you almost need to be handheld during that period of your life because you don't feel aligned with yourself almost. It's like you're kind of pretending to be someone and floating through this earth, like, oh, I think this is what I'm meant to be doing. Mom, is this right? Like, and obviously very much, you know, not to take away from the grief or anything, but that part of that liberating feeling is you're more confident showing up every day in this life and this version of yourself because you feel more aligned with this is who you're meant to be and this is what you're meant to be doing. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Yeah, exactly. And that's that's it. Like it was always there, but it was just you know, it is a jolt that just pushes you into this sort of living that you don't really have a choice, like I had to start actually living, and that was it.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah, yeah, I appreciate you sharing that, babe. So you made this huge change when you quote unquote weren't supposed to. So you're now in this space of like, okay, I get to like rewrite my story and start again. So, how did you start the OnlyFans? How did you go into skimpy art? Like, tell me all about that beautiful kind of created side of you.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Um, well, it took a while. I gave myself three months originally, like I left well, more than three months, like till August. So I left mining in April. And I was like, by August, if I'm not selling anything, we'll can it, and I'll go back to mining. Um and I started off painting everything. So I was painting landscapes, animals, like all these things under the sun to figure out what I liked or what I was good at, because I'd sort of put painting to the side for the last half decade, even decade. And um I was doing all these pieces, people were buying them, people were actually commissioning me to do them, which was so exciting. Um I think when you look back to those moments when you have your first sale for like next to nothing, I think my first piece was $150 for a commission that I would now sell for like $900. Um I was so Exactly. I was so excited and like but then I found myself getting drained again. Like I was back in mining, and I was like, I'm finally doing what I always wanted to do. Like, why is this not enough still? And then I was painting a pet portrait for my brother as a surprise, and it was driving me up the wall, and I started for some reason I just started painting a nude on the side. Yeah. So it was like a palette cleanser. So when the dog painting was driving me far enough up the wall, I would jump over and start painting the nude again. Wow. And it was like instead of that energy just going into it and not coming back, it was finally like I'd found a way of that energy was just really cyclical and it was really lovely. And um that was actually like when the drip effect started in my um thing was on my first nude, because it just looked empty and I needed something, and I always loved that effect of like you know, honey or a liquid that's quite, you know, gloopy. Yeah. And um, yeah, it worked. And slowly but surely I started just painting more and more nudes in the background whilst I would do these commissions, like these you know, jetty landscapes and stuff. And then I remember when I did my first market, um, which was in Subiaco, and the first print that I sold was of a nude.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

And like again, so many dirty minces out there, we need butt peaks on our walls.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Love this is yeah, exactly. Yeah, well, this is it, and I I learned very quickly who my customer base is. Like it's just it's mostly women. There are a lot of men who buy my work, especially in Skimpy bars. Um but like I was like, poor girl, I nearly cried when she bought my first print. Like, I was just so excited. That's special. Um, because it's just yeah, it was. It was really special, and it's these little moments that tell you you are doing the right thing. This is what you're meant to be doing. And even if I was making no money, it was the happiest I'd been at that stage. Yeah, I'd never experienced joy like that in my own skill set. And um but yeah, anyway, it carried forward. And then I hit like January, and um at this point, like, yeah, I was doing commissions and I was selling pieces and selling prints, but I was not really making enough money to s survive. Like I was essentially just draining my um savings to pay the mortgage and all that stuff, because you know, I've still got a house I gotta pay for. And so come January, um, it was put on my radar about skimpying, and I'd never heard of it because it doesn't exist in South Australia and I don't drink, so I'm not in pubs, so I don't come across Skimpies. And um so yeah, January I like very timidly started skimpying, and I remember my first shift, I was like, I can't believe I've gotten to this point. Like the shame I felt about that, I was like, Wow. Should I just go back to mining? Yeah, no, I was still like adjusting to doing this stuff openly, and um I'd been like my first shift I walked in, I was so nervous, and I made like 300 bucks in tips, and I was just like, Oh my god. And that was from a two-hour shift. Wow. And um yeah, it was something that I was like, hell yeah, let's go. Like it was just this click moment, and one of the customers I met at the pub is now one of my regulars, like who I see at a lot of other bars. Just follows you.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

The Steph tour.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

I love that. I'm all following him because he goes to the bars that I love working at, but yes, yeah, yeah. He's so wonderful, like he's so wonderful. I've given him free art and everything like that. He's just a really sweet guy. And you do, like, I think um when you're not in the space, like with OnlyFans with Skimpying, I think we as a society tend to demonize like strip clubs, skimpy bars. Yeah. Anything with the sex work industry, like there is like an instant shame that has been drilled into us from like, you know, watching Pretty Woman as a kid and everything. Yeah. And um realistically, it's just men and women who work in these fields who are either working as a teacher on during the day and they're doing this at night to just give themselves some extra income, or they're doing this full-time, or they're you know, doing only fans, they're modeling. Like it doesn't, it's not a sad story. I think when people come into the skimpy space and look at a skimpy and go, I'm gonna rescue you. That's really um it's really degrading. And it's also like baby, what are you gonna rescue me with? I know, I'm just like, what are you gonna rescue me with? I probably make more money than you. Yeah, literally. That's unfortunate. It's just it's misunderst it's just misinterpretation. I think a lot of people don't understand the actual freedom it provides. Like you choose your own shifts, you make your own dips, if you're friendly, if you're fun, if you're quick on the like pouring beers, then you'll make good money. You've obviously got to be pretty smart, like business-minded to make sure that money doesn't just disappear as soon as you make it. Yeah. Because I think like a lot of people, the same with mining, don't have financial literacy, and they come into these spaces where you're getting lots of money for like, you know, pretty big hours. But if you're not saving or investing it, it will disappear as soon as it comes into your wallet. And um, I think that's where a lot of people go wrong with it. Yeah. But yeah, sorry. So skimpying and the art, and then I was also doing a bit of OnlyFans in the background, and it all happened at the same time that my art started to take off. Yeah. So that was when Sexbow came on the radar, like this was all in New Year's, like of 2024. Yep. Um, so last year. Yeah. And so I had Sexpo coming up, I had all these prints that my printmaker had done of all my artworks. I was painting like crazy of all these nudes. Like, I had actually started to say no more pet portraits, no more landscapes. Like I was drawing the line of I'm not doing that. I'm not an artist who does that. There are plenty of landscape artists who love this. I'm not one of them. Yeah. And um, yeah, and then in April I had Persex bow. So that was a wild experience. It was really wonderful. Um, I had a lot of Skimpy customers come to that to come support.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Yes, I did like a full you were on the main stage and everything, like paint you painted live, and yeah, that was that's right.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Yeah. Uh it was so scary. I was terrified because there are moments when you're like, quick, give me a shot, like let me numb this anxiety I'm feeling. And I'm going up there just raw dogging it, like, yeah, oh my god, I just have to suck it up essentially. And um, like, you know, it was just it was the best thing ever being up on stage, being able to show people what I do for a living, like that I can actually paint. Yeah, and doing that over a three-day process, and it was just really fun, and like you know, you get to test what banter works with the audience and trying to maintain a crowd because like yeah, the stage, like the sound guys would say to me, like, you know, it's like you're wheeling out a piano after a rock concert, like you would have these incredible gymnasts, pole dancers, like these um like nude like dancers and stuff that were just going off with the most incredible theatrics, yeah. And then I'd always be the last show I'd come out with my canvas and just like hey guys, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Well, the stage presence, like to be able to capture an audience and your painting live, like that's as a lot about your confidence and your energy when you're on stage. Like yeah, that's huge. That's friggin' huge.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah, it was it was amazing. Like it was really cool being able to show myself that I could do that. Um, it was also a really great thing moving forward because it started to actually add credibility to my art. Like you people hear an artist and they're just like, okay, like you scribble in the back room and at the time I'm actually an artist, people pay me for my work. Yeah. Yeah. And and saying that I, you know, I toured with sex focus, then I went to Sydney as well, and we were due to do other shows, but unfortunately the company, you know. Um, but yeah, like it was just yep. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Jesus, that was fucked. How did um how did the opportunity for sexpo come up for you? Do you have to apply or did like how did that come up?

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah, so um you have to apply. It was coming up on my algorithm and everything, and then um an old friend mentioned it. I was like, oh, I don't really know. And I was doing markets at the time, and as my work got progressively more nude friendly, it meant that going to these family-friendly markets wasn't really my demographic. Yeah, yeah. Um but um, and then yeah, I applied, they called me back like an hour later and was like, we would love to have you. Like um, this is when Belinda was running it, and she is like an ex um sort of all rounder porn star. Like, she's incredible, and she really appreciated anything. And so she was like, We can do a stage show. Yeah, yeah, and she was great, like um, and she was the one that was like we can do a stage show, and I was just like, Oh no, like I don't know how to do that. And we just wung at like I got a friend to mix some songs together, like some old school RB tick like songs together, and it was just the team of Sexpo came together and really huddled around me to support me up there. Like the sound tech guys ended up doing a collage, so behind me there'd be my paintings going and like my logo, and it was just That was amazing. It was really cool, yeah. There was it was really exceptional, and like it was a moment where I was like, every now and then I have moments where I'm like, Would my mum be okay with this? Would my mum be proud of this? And I'm very grateful that I have I had an incredible mum who was just super open-minded, and she would have lost her shit at the expo. Like she would have been like yeah, she would have been front stage, like I hope that drives you, I really do.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

I hope that's like she's coming through in your paintings, like she's supporting you in everything you do, like I just know she is, and I know like you were talking about the version of yourself when you were in this long-term relationship as being like quite closed off, quiet, timid, like just how did how did once you felt liberated and open and you felt this need for the change, how did the decision for OnlyFans and Skin Ping come about? Because obviously they're two very different versions of step. So how did how did you gain that confidence or even the ideas to step into that?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Um, I think part of it was also a rebellion to my ex-relationship. Um he was very anti all those things. I wasn't doing it in total rebellion at that, but like it was something I was always curious about. Yeah. And the actual confirmation that led to OnlyFans was um I'd left mining and a lot of the guys I used to work with, like I was one of the few women that operated like on my site. We had a lot of truckies and stuff, but I was one of the few that actually operated like dozes and stuff. Yeah. And um, you know, look what I look like. But um, so you would have a lot of sort of male attention in these spaces, and it's is what it is. But um, so after leaving mining, I'd get them reaching out, and I had one guy actually who was harassing me. Oh and he ended up being like, Do you want to make some money? And I was a bit like I've ignored you, you've been talking to yourself in my DMs for how long now? Yeah, and he and he was just like, I'll pay you four hundred dollars to send me some videos. And I just kind of was like, I've been single now for like five months. Yeah, I've been just doing my own thing, like I could really use a bit of extra cash, why not? And so I literally sent him like I think four photos and maybe a 15-second video. Yeah. It was like pixelated and terrible. And this cop is so happy, he was thrilled. Yeah, and um he still buys content from time to time, but not as regularly. But that was a moment where I was like, I'm selling I'm sending this stuff out for free to guys that I'm into. Why would I do it for free?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah. And 100%.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

So I got only Yeah, and so like in October, at the end of October, um, I ended up getting OnlyFans. I spoke about it with friends, family. Yeah. Um and yeah, those first few months were insane. Like I was averaging about 130, 1500 USD a week. And yeah, it was going well. I think it was a novelty. Like it was a novelty of um, you know, there's this girl we used to mine with who's now doing OnlyFans.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Yeah, it's always a curious to have a look, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yeah. Very much. And I was like, it was, you know, it's all these things. And then in December, because it was taking off so well, I ended up like meeting up with all my family for Christmas, and I told them all. I was just like, hey guys, I just want to give you the heads up. So my dad, my brothers, and everything, and their wives. And like, it's not a big deal. Like, again, I'm a woman in my 30s, like I don't need permission. Yeah, but to it was more so we are a family based on communication and transparency where appropriate. And um, I just my biggest fear was that someone would take the information and try and weaponize it against like my dad, or you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

You want them to hear it from you firsthand rather than yeah, 100%. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

And that's it, and my dad, absolute legend. He was just like, Yeah, make that money. Yeah, and get that money be. And I was like, I was I was very surprised because yeah. Love that's a legend. Yeah, no, he's an incredible support. Like everything I do, he like I throw some curveballs at him, and he just is like, as long as you're safe, as long as you're happy, you're a grown woman, I trust you. Like I love you, I trust you.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

That is so bad. Yeah, and that's so true from a parent as well, like safety and happiness. And they, like you said, I think what you said previously was such a powerful message where a lot of people don't leave relationships because they're like, Oh, my family's really close to my partner. But it's like, yeah, they love your partner, but they love you more, and they will always back whatever you decide to do that makes you happy as long as you're safe. So, did you kind of expect that reaction, or you just weren't really sure based on what you said about people judging the industry and stuff as well?

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Um, so my family sort of is in weird levels of like so I my middle brother is exceptionally like open-minded, progressive. His wife is like my best friend. Like, we are so close. Yeah. That sometimes he complains that I talk to her more than him. Yeah. But um, so they were the first to know about it because I pretty much just threw it into the oxygen and they were just like, awesome, we don't care. We love you. Um, I was very nervous about telling my dad because I was like, I don't want him to be disappointed. And that is something that is like, and I do this for my dad and my oldest brother. I feel like I hold things to protect them, but they don't need my protecting. They are more than capable of taking it on. And they prove that to me every time I tell them something new. They just sit they just go cool, ask a few questions if they need to, and we all move on. And it's just easy. I love that. Well, I think it's just also I have to always acknowledge how fortunate I am to have the family I have. Like that is my mum entirely in the way that she taught us as children to be, and the way she allowed dad to grow into, especially since we've lost her, like the way we've all fought to keep each other safe and secure, and to really hold up that relationship that we have with mum as a family unit. Like, I think grief and death can separate a family or it can bring us together, and mum was our glue, and that was a real moment where we all had to decide we have to reform that glue now. And so, you know, it's just I'm incredibly fortunate. I know not everyone gets that fortune to have such an accepting family, like people who work in sex work or in the queer community or poly relationships. Like, I'm very aware that I am not the rule, I am the exception. Like, I'm very fortunate.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Yeah, and that's huge of your dad as well, right? Especially from the older generations, like coming into all this new um awareness and being open and things like that. But yeah, I was gonna say it left my brain. Um ADNHD, I can't fucking remember what I was saying. Um, I think I also just want to comment on like everything that you've chosen to do in the journey to be your true self and feel liberated in a way. They're almost individually activities like the OnlyFans or the um Skimpy work and things like that individually are all empowering, like sexually liberating, and we're feeling aligned, but you've chosen to do multiple, and not only that, you've now got the support of your family, so you're fucking on fire. You're just like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, let's fucking go like unstoppable. And it's fucking awesome to watch. Like, obviously, at the end of this chat, I'm gonna link all of your stuff because I I promise anyone that's listening to this needs to go follow Steph because you're gonna watch it and just be like, holy fuck, like, what am I doing with my life? So empowering for women, honestly. So empowering. Oh, I just wanted you to know that.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate that so much. Of course, of course, especially going back to that first chat we had. It's just been such a beautiful thing for me to watch you spread your wings. Like, and it wasn't me, babe, like it was, yeah, like you said, you've had it in you the whole time. And going back to your chat with it's come to my brain now. Going back to your chat about your dad, you said you were I know so fucked out it works. You were said like following. Yeah, I'm worried to tell him because I'm worried he might be disappointed. That's like the societal norms coming into us, right? That's um because I'm about to tell him this. The automatic assumption is they'll be disappointed because I'm not following like society's rules of what I should be doing. So thank fuck he's on your side. That's good. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

Uh, and that's and that's it. Like my dad and I, we are very similar. Um, we share a lot of core values, like we're both sober, like we're both, you know, very fitness oriented. We pretty much I'm just the female version of him, as much as you'll cringe at that. But like um, he was always like there was always this person in him. Like, we grew up getting manicures and pedicures together. Like, mum was always a bit more farm girl, whereas dad loved the small, like the fine things in life, because he would work really hard and then come home in his weekends, and like that would be face masks and manicures and pedicures. So, like I grew up with a pretty like you know, he's conservative in his ways, but like in his behavior and his attitudes, he's always been incredibly progressive. Um, he's always been very accepting towards me. And anytime I've ever forgotten that, he's so quick to remind me of it. Like, he even has told me, he's like, Oh, I have people in like our small town come up to me and be like, Can you believe your daughter's doing this? Wow. And he's just like, she yeah, I know, um, family or like extended family or friends, which is pretty common in this sort of space when people are open about it. There's always someone who's not gonna agree with it. Um, and dad's the first one to just be like, What does it matter to you?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Like here's a link, pay more. At least pay her for it.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

I know, I know, but it's just like honestly, honestly, at the end of the day, like I like going right back to the beginning when I first met you, like that was really showing me that I could be like that. I hadn't actually had any female representation of seeing someone like just being like that, and there was just this energy to you, and I I think about you so often, especially in this period of my life where I feel like I'm really embodying that, and it's just I feel so grateful for that moment. I feel so grateful to who I was then because without that I wouldn't be who I am now, so I could never regret any of it. Like I had to go through what I went through to get here, and it's just it's the best, and like that's all my parents want for me, it's all my family wants for me, my friends, and the irony being that the more in myself I am with art, with skimpying, with only fans, with just general life, the more people that align with me I attract that are you know, it's just that way it is, right? Like when you're unhappy in yourself, you attract people who are also unhappy in themselves, and it becomes like a cycle.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Whereas where I am now, like I've attracted like the most beautiful partner who is so gorgeous and accepting. I have these incredible friends that have been a part of my life for some up to 20 years and some only three years, but like yeah, they have rallied around me, and the people who aren't meant for me have left and it's been better for it, you know. Like it cleanses out that horrible energy, and you just get to keep thriving.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

So it's really nice.

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Oh, that's big. That's actually it's a good point that I've spoken about so many times. It's like as you continue to grow and you value different things and a different version of yourself will come. It's I think it's okay to shed people in your life because it's not like a reflection of you or even a reflection of them. It's they obviously served a part of your life for a reason, and they served a part of who you were at that time for a reason, and it's okay to let things go. And I think if a lot of people don't have self-worth or confidence, they might go and judge themselves. Like, why am I losing friends, or why do people not agree with what I'm doing? But just accepting that it's a natural process of life, it's okay to shed people because you're right, when you grow, you'll attract new people, which is a perfect fucking segue because I want to talk about your partner. Oh yay. I promise I wasn't gonna let that one go. That's like the biggest part of this conversation. So you yeah, you've touched on obviously going from monogamy to polyyammery. Yeah. Um yeah, tell me the whole story about where you guys met, how you met, and just how you came into this new form of relationships. Go for it. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Oh um, I could talk about him forever. So I um actually, after I just met you, was also in that a mutual friend of ISD who was in the scene at the time. So when I say scene, I mean like the sex positive, open poly scene. Yeah. So anyone who's not familiar with that term. Um, and that got me linked in with um a sort of adult company who throw parties, and they were sort of, you know, they were really supportive of my stuff. They were sharing a lot of myself. So I'll always be grateful for that. Hedonism and um then hedonism? That was hedonism, yeah. Perfect. Uh hedonism, yeah. Yeah. Um, I know everyone pronounces it differently. Yeah. But um, yeah, no, for when I came into that space, they were incredible to me and really heightened me up and welcomed me into the scene and into that community of people with open arms, and it was really special. And that first party I went to, it was really cute because like you'd formed these parasocial relationships with people you'd never met in person, but they knew you from Instagram, and yeah. So I didn't feel as alone going into that party by myself. And um, a lot of people come to these parties and they're like, have a few drinks and maybe something extra. And I was just scared little Yeah, and that's that's not all that's not common. Like some people would pretty restraint with their drinking, but it's not often that you come across that.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Anyway, and um that first party was wild um in the way that I was just like a little I was like a scared little deer in the headlights like first time I'd ever seen other people have sex in like an open space because they have like a play section. Um it was everyone was there. Like as in it was at a penthouse, there was maybe about a hundred or so people in this penthouse. Yeah. Everyone's like in lingerie, in Christmas themed lingerie. Yeah. And um it was just this wild experience. And um actually that was where I met my partner. Um, so he was this big, tall, beautiful, goofy looking American, and I thought he was so pretty about I was also very nervous and not as confident. I hadn't started skimping at this point. I hadn't like I just started OnlyFans, so I was still pretty shy, which is weird to think I was ever shy.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

But um And this was your first thing. So you're pretending you're not even interested in meeting people, it's like fuck, you're trying to take in the party, so it's almost like you're not trying to pick up anyone, you're like, I'm just trying to get through this party.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Exactly. And you know what? Like, I think that's he always reflects on that, and he's like, You did not look interested in me at all. I'm like, it's because I was overwhelmed. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Like you came in with a game plan. I I went in to survive. I was just like fingers crossed, I get out of this. Like I'm you know, I'm able to get through this. Yeah. And um, yeah, and so he was really lovely, really friendly, everyone was really lovely at that party, and we ended up like I guess playing together at the end of the night, like to the point where they like ended up sort of turning the music off and was like, come on, let's um Yeah. And it's yeah, and it was just this thing where I kind of was like, I would like to get your name first, and also your Instagram. Yeah, uh, and he was the same, he was like, Yes, please. But it was this like we reflect on it now, knowing how stupidly in love with we are with each other. But um that first kiss was something else, like it's it was this moment where I was like, Oh my god, like yeah, I was kissing a lot of people that night, and it was like girls, guys, yeah, and everyone was sort of like it was nice, but you know, like it was a mismatch of like kissing technique. Yeah, you feel the energy though, it's just electric, yeah. It is, and that was it, and like I kissed him, and it was like it was shocking at first because he'd been drinking Jack Daniels all night, and that was the first time I'd tasted like the taste of alcohol in like four months.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Oh my god, that was a bit weird, but um, no, and he just like the softest lips. Like, I was just like, This is the best kiss I've had in so long, and um everything else about him was incredible, and yeah. So we met at that party, that was in December. We've occasionally run into each other at other parties, like New Year's party, and um we didn't really like we'd message every now and then, it was very light, um, and like we sort of had more of a dom sub sort of dynamic, yeah. So we would catch up to do like a scene, so like it'd be like you know, at a hotel or something.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Can I just um sorry to interrupt you when because this was obviously all if you don't mind me asking, all of that kind of scenes and play was new to you, or had you done that with previous partners?

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Oh, it was new, it was all new.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

I was just like So was it any of it you wanted to try, or he was very open to like what do you want to try? And you were like, everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Um well, yeah, no, so I was very, very open to wanting to try all these things. Like, um, I'd always wanted to do this sort of stuff, like I'd always sort of fell into that submissive role in a sort of sexual lens. Ironically, now as I carry forward in skimping, I'm much more dominant in my job.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

So I go into a dominant role with my customers. Send the men over at the bar and give them a spank while they're trying to drink. Absolutely. I can see the DOM is like naturally in that role.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

I do it well. Yeah. Um, no, it's funny because whenever I try and like go into Dom mode with my partner, he's just like, It's so cute, but you're not a Dom. And I'm like, I'm not a Dom with you. Yeah, I love that. I'm I'm I'm a Dom with others, but not with you. Um, but no, so that's how it was. It was just super light at first. I started dating someone for a couple of months, and that's we took, you know, we didn't see each other as much. Like I had some other playmates at the same time. And then when that relationship ended was actually sort of right as the time that me and my partner actually um sort of started to connect a bit more and actually date instead of just random every now and then. And um I don't know what it was. It was like we it was like something in you know, not to get a bit weary, but like it was like something universal was just stopping us from getting together when we weren't ready. And we weren't ready at that point, like until we actually came together, which wasn't until like June when we started actually sort of seeing each other more seriously. Neither of us was in the headspace to have given each other what we need. And we both really reflect on that time as like with gratitude that we didn't get together then, that we didn't try and give this a proper go. So when we did come together, it was like, oh, we want to be here. This isn't coincidence, this is actually a really intention-based relationship. And um yeah, it was just the easiest thing. It's been the easiest relationship. Like there is this very swift irony, and I've gone through some incredibly hard things of late. Um, since losing my mum, these last few months have probably been the hardest I've had since losing her. And yet, because I've had him, they're also some of the happiest I've had. And that's a really strange dichotomy when you're the happiest you've ever been. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And um, yeah, he's been he's just phenomenal. He's beautiful, the way he loves animals, like he's we'll go the dog oval and all the dogs will just swarm to him.

SPEAKER_00 43:58

That's a good man when the Animal swarm, you know you've got the animals decide.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

Exactly. And like and that's it. And he's like fully adopted my animals as his own. Like he talks about them like as if he's been there the whole time. And the way he is with my yes. And that's it. Like quite often in relationships, even friendships, I felt myself needing to split between who I am when I'm with them versus myself with my animals, my home. Yeah. It's always had to separate itself. Whereas with him, he's just like, if I get you, I get the animals. Like it's a packaged deal. Yeah. And it's like so yeah. Like I I just, you know, it's like a single fur baby mum.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

And um that's just part of who you are, though. Like you either love all of me, you can't decide to love me. It's all of me. I appreciate that. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

Yeah, and like the way he is with my cat, he's ridiculous. But um, yeah, he's just a really beautiful human. He's very smart, which I love. He's very funny. Even though he's American, I thought he was gonna be a bit of a conflict of interest there, but he's damn American.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

Yeah, fair enough.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Oh, I know. But no, there's a reason he lives in Australia, like because he's very much like he's just very funny. And it's when you have those shared core values, like I've seen this with your partner and you, like, it may have seemed quick, but I think it was because you two aligned, so that's why everything just worked. Yeah, and that's it. Like, um, my partner and I like we would joke, like, oh, I've only been dating for a week when we were like three, four months into it, because it so much was happening with us, like we fell in love very quickly, but like not in a love-bombing way. We checked in multiple times, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

Just feels natural, like it it progresses quickly, but in a natural way, like and it's as it should, like, it just feels right. I totally understand what you when you talk about like the universe and everything, because my partner and I were exactly the same, so I totally get it. I totally get it.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Yeah, and that's it. It was just like I've never felt more grateful. I'm so excited for what our future has together. Like, we just want so much together, and like he's a scuba diver instructor, so he's got like a hot boy job, which we love. And apparently we've never seen that before. Hot boy jobs. Well, it's helpful. I mean, they're either that or they work in mining in WA. Didn't he say that about you? He's like, My girlfriend got a hot girl job, multiple hot girl jobs. He does. He does, he does. He's just like, she's an artist. Like the way he talks about me is embarrassing. Like it's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

Like screen the rooftops, I bet.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

Very much. Like, I have I've had such incredible supports throughout my life in previous partners, friendships, family. But the way this man like shouts my name from the rooftops, the way he hypes me up, the way he wants me to succeed, like absolutely there's no threat, like he doesn't feel threatened by it, he doesn't feel like it's gonna impact him, and he only wants better for me, and I only want better for him because what we grow together is for us. Yeah, and it's just it's so special, and like because I get a lot of people go, Oh, what's your partner think of skimpying? And like he loves it. Like he does like you know, he does something similar as well, so he's pretty open, like he's not got an issue with it at all. It's a mature meant as well, right?

SPEAKER_00 47:25

I think for a partner to be able to see how it empowers you and like mature enough to know that you're just in it for the money, like you know what I mean. But are you are you guys important or are you guys open? What's your relationship dynamic?

SPEAKER_01 47:40

Oh yeah, so I know when you talk about a partner as a polyperson, everyone's like, wait, yeah, that's what I mean. Share it all, babe. Let's go. No, so we're both poly we're both polyamorous. Um, we both share the same polyamorous views, i.e., like some people will say like a single penis policy, which I think is really gross in the way of like it doesn't seem to validate female and female or women-based relationships as being real relationships. Yeah. Um, so I really disagree with that mentality. Some people have it. Uh some partners have veto power where they can tell their partner who they can and can't hang out with. I don't like that. Right. It's there's lots of in the same way monogamy can be done in ways that aren't so great. Polyamory can also be done in ways that aren't so great. And fortunately for myself and my partner, like we just really sit on the same page with what we want from each other, what we're okay with each other having. Like, we're very open to date others, like other people, and like it's just like I've met some of his playmates, I've played with them, like I think they're wonderful. Like, yeah, honestly, we're very fortunate that we have quite a high standard of type of people we want to be around that make us feel better about ourselves, that's good, but also don't drain us, and so it's just a really freeing sort of life, like yeah, being so happy and in love, but also like being so there for each other when we meet other people.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

The important part, like you said, is if like when you feel like it's a genuine person and a genuine can uh connection that's not going to take advantage of the situation. But I guess I don't really understand polyamory, but by the way that you've explained it, each relationship or each person has their own understanding of what polyamory means to them, and as long as you're able to communicate like your boundaries and what you want to explore, like as long as it's safe and happy. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:34

Well, and communication's the biggest part. I think the easiest way to make it make sense sometimes, um, just for the audience or wonder is unless you like think of your friendship group, and you don't like ideally you've got a few friends, like you know, things. Yes. But it's yeah, it's it's like in Polly, it's like you have your friend, you love them, they love you, you feel safe with them, it's wonderful. But you also have other friends that also meant you feel safe and wonderful, and it doesn't detract from the love you have with that other friend. Yeah. So I think a lot of monogamous ideology when looking at Polly, like it's not for everyone, so I'm never gonna force it on someone. But it's this theory that my love must get drained or taken away from my partner if I meet someone else, and that's not it. It's like saying to a mother like her or a father that if you have another child, you won't love your other one as much. Like a good way of looking at it. It's just yeah, yeah, it's just this constant because I have a lot of people say to me, Oh, that must mean you're not in love, or you don't love him as much. And I'm just like, Well, do you not love your kids all the same? Like, I know they all have different merits, and they're like, Oh it's not the same, it's not sexual. And I'm like, Yeah, but it's shows you that humans are capable of loving more than one person at a time.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

Hundred percent. I've heard someone explain it before that you can't expect one person to give you everything you need either, like emotionally, physically, sexually, like everything. Yeah. So yeah, if you were into polyamory, I guess a lot of that is around just multiple connections as well. And everyone filling up your cup, you can't expect one person to do that, right?

SPEAKER_01 51:08

Well, and yeah, because Esther Perel actually was the one that sort of that, and yes, that's probably why you know it. Yeah. Um and she made she made that comment because back in the day it used to be a village that you would have, and um your partner would pretty much just be the person for sexual and like intimate gratification, whereas now we need them to be everything. Yeah. Um, and I don't require my partner to be everything to me, he just conveniently kind of is, but like it's this thing of it's just whenever I was in monogamous scenarios for myself personally, I would become that person's entire world.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

And that makes me incredibly uncomfortable because I need you to have things in your life that aren't just about me. Like I need you to have your own friends, I need you to have your own life, I need you to have your own fitness sort of priorities and your own mental health priorities. I can't be the thing that keeps you going. And I find it can be quite consistent, or at least in my experience of monogamy, where a codependency can arise. And that makes me really uncomfortable because and I've had it with friendships too, where it's like, I am your entire being, or like everything that you experience is due to whether or not I'm there to permit it. And I don't love that. I've always been someone that's like, please make your own friends, please go out and have your own life. Yeah, and then we can enjoy it together, but I have my own things too. Yeah. And so polyamory, I think, just really enables me to have that, like where I have my life, my partners have their lives, and it doesn't take away from how we feel about one another or how much we love each other. It just adds to it.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

Yeah, no, that's really a beautiful way to explain it. So, have you kind of had these thoughts and ideologies when you've been in monogamous relationships but you didn't know that it was polyamory that you wanted to explore, or you've always kind of felt like you wanted polyamory?

SPEAKER_01 52:54

Um, it's really timely that you asked that question because um my first ever serious partner um is based in Sydney and he'd come over to Perth for a quick work trip like three weeks ago. Yeah. And we haven't actually seen each other since we separated. And I was 23 when we separated, and now I'm 31. Yeah. And um it was just one, it was a real uh testament to how we ended our relationship with care and compassion. And he even made the comment when I was because he's now married and he's having all the things he wanted that I couldn't give him. And when I found out he'd gotten married and had babies, I was so happy. Like it's that conversion of just like joy for a previous love. And um, when we caught up and I was telling him all about my partner, and he was just like, I remember you both like voicing these ideas to me when we were together.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

Without wanting to like talk about opening up the relationship and all this stuff, and I didn't realize I'd done that. Wow. And so it was yeah, like he was like, You were always obsessed with movies where there were like multiple partners and stuff, and I'm like, that's true. And um, yeah, so I guess it's just always been there.

SPEAKER_00 54:02

Like Yeah, yeah. And we remember like was your current partner polyamorous before he met you?

SPEAKER_01 54:10

Yeah, so um he has been poly, like he had monogamous relationships previous, like years ago. Yeah, um, so he's when we met at that party, it was both of our first parties that we'd ever been to in that space. Yeah, so we were both babies in the scene at the time when we met. And um it's quite fitting that he's also poly. Like, there's no way in hell I could ever imagine him being monogamous at all. Like, yeah, it's quite ironic to ever think that he tried, but you never know. But um, it's just very like we're very much cut from the same cloth in how we approach the whole polyamorous thing. Like, communication is our kink, like we are always talking and checking in and making sure that we both feel loved and reassured. And we have moments where like, oh, I'm like, you know, I think people think polyamor only works if you don't have jealousy, but that's not realistic. Yeah, yeah, because you're a human being, and jealousy comes from a fear of being left behind or forgotten. Yeah, and like it's the best thing in the world that if I feel it, I can tell him in the moment I'm feeling it, just like, oh, I felt like a little bit, and I can acknowledge, like, I know holistically how much you love me, yeah, that like this is why I felt it, and he'll just instantly come in and be like XYZ and it's so lovely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:26

Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm happy enough to say that I have that in my relationship too. Like, you can be in the most loving, supportive, like secure relationship, but like you said, you're a fucking human being and jealousy is normal. And I think a lot of people are scared to admit they feel jealous as if it's like you're not allowed to. Like, I haven't done anything wrong to make you feel jealous. It's like I like feeling vulnerable with my partner and going, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just I'm feeling a little jealous. And my partner will go, What do you need from me? Like, how can I make you feel more secure in this moment? And I'm like, Okay, is what I need. Yeah, I know. I just love him. So so powerful commission and yeah, trust, respect. I'm assuming polyamory and having respect with each other goes a long way as well.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

Massive. Like, it's amazing that how powerful it is. Instead of assuming when someone comes to you and goes, Hey, this has left me feeling hurt, sad, jealous, leapt out, or happy, um, rather than going, Well, that's not my fault, the best thing for a partner to do is like, well, how can I help fix this? Or how can I help make you feel more reassured? And it's just it is you and them versus the problem versus you versus each other. Like it's just it's so simple, but once I started really applying that in my friendships, in my relationships, it has cracked a code like nothing else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:50

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:52

What's this?

SPEAKER_00 56:53

Yeah, at the end of the day, we're just kids. Yeah, oh mate, I know. We need a fucking role. We just want to hope something. What do you think like this relationship and I guess polyamory in general has done for your confidence and self-worth and the ability to like have a bit of freedom and choice in your life? How's that kind of liberated you?

SPEAKER_01 57:15

Um I think it has really shown to me that just how whole I am and how capable I am and what I bring to the table. Like I found quite often in previous things, relationships, I would be left feeling like I was not like not enough. And this is like by having this really independent way of living, as well as these really intricate connections, you realize that you are enough, and that also comes with time and self-growth and love. But it's just this really beautiful feeling of knowing that I am more and I am enough because of who I am, and these people get to add to it, they're not detracting from it, and it has really shown to me how to set boundaries. Like skimpying has actually been the thing that has taught me how to set boundaries like nothing else. Yeah, I can imagine that community, that workforce has shown me like it's I think before when my self-esteem was quite low, if someone was like, Oh, you're so pretty, I'd be like, Oh my god, thank you so much. Whereas now I'm like, tip me. Yes, I can see this, you've got to I love that. I'm just like, you've got to be yeah, you've gotta be pretty like you've got to be pretty special, like you've gotta be something else. Like, I can't like a compliment, it means nothing to me anymore. Like, I need you to engage my mind. Like, yeah, oh I love physical attraction, yeah, exactly. Like physical attraction is such a small part of any connection, like it's big, but it's not essential. Like, I need to feel like you engage and connect with what's going on inside of me, not just like for what I am as on the outside. I already have enough people paying me and also just visualizing, um, objectifying me. But if you're gonna come into it, like, oh, you're super hot, let's go play. I'm just like, no, I need more.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

Yeah, like yeah, I know mental engagement. Yeah, I call myself hot daily. I don't need validation, I need money.

SPEAKER_01 59:05

Yeah, but it's funny, I taught I talk to other girls in the space, and it's the same for them too. Like it the way it shows how we were previously allowing mostly men to do the bare minimum and calling it amazing. Like, no, no, like I'm sorry. Like, do you not constantly my partner is saying like yeah, I know, like constantly my partner's like, oh my god, the bar is on the floor, babe. And I'm just like, he's horrified. Like, he will just like he'll sit there in my friendship groups with my other girlfriends and be like, girls, what is going on? Like, this is literally their minimum treatment, and yeah, I'm very proud. I'm very I have this incredible person who just treats me like gold. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Yeah, you sound very proud. It's definitely something to be proud of. And you know what? Like you said, bring it back. You attract the type of person you are at the time, so you have fucking done that. You've attracted this man, so you should be very proud of yourself as well. And as a full circle moment, I know we started this chat with you saying the first time you met me when I walked in the room, you were like, Oh, I want to be like that. And I promise you that there's people listening to this episode hearing you, Steph, and your story going, fuck, like I want to be like that. I can feel her energy through it. Like, so what would you say to those girls that may be in the position that you were in, like with themselves and feeling in that place? What would you say to them?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:36

Oh, honestly, I always think back to this, like what I would do if I could go back to who I was then. Um, one, I just give them a big hug. But two, it's just I think the second you look around and realize the people you surround yourself with are actually leaving you feeling less than or drained, it's time to actually evaluate whether you want to be around those people. And if you're putting that on yourself as well, like it's if you're the one that's draining yourself. Like I am a big advocate of therapy, my therapist is a godsend. Um and it's just it's really hard to break a sort of societal way of how we think about ourselves about ourselves, especially as women. We're taught to sort of always downplay ourselves to apologize for literally being in the way when most of the time they're in the way. Yeah. And like it's just yeah, it's just this thing where like I think we really do live our lives in so much fear, fear of what it will look like for everyone else. But at the end of the day, no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. And to be honest, your friends probably want you to leave that relationship or that job that you whinge about constantly because once you don't have those negative things in your life, you suddenly have so much more room for these incredible moments of growth and positivity, and you get to be a person you never know you could never knew you could be. But you like I always had an inkling that this existed in me, but I just was too scared to actually try. And I just don't want people to have to have a death or a loss of something so big in their life for them to actually start living. Yeah. Like that's my biggest regret is that I didn't start living until I lost my mum. I wish she could have seen me do this. I wish she could have seen me become this. I wish she could have met my partner. Like he they would have gotten along like a house on fire.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:23

And I just if anyone can take anything from this, it's like if you have any doubts coming in about how you feel about your life, then that is enough for you to actually reflect on whether or not it's the way you want to be living. Yeah. Like life is too short. Yeah, and beyond life being too short, it's also doesn't have to be this hard. Like, obviously, there are people that have genuine hardships that they can't avoid that are like mental, health, physical, and like family and stuff. But like a lot of the time we are making it harder for ourselves, like by trying to keep up appearances or pretenses. And it's just the best thing, it's liberating when you start letting go of all those horrible things that pull you down. Because once you cut those, you can actually start to rise.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

And yeah. You write a book, honestly. What to fucking hell? That was so good, so empowering, babe. Um, I'm that's fuck. I'm just like rethinking of everything that we've said in this podcast, and I know it's gonna help so many people. I would love for you to mention where people can come find you, like link your Instagram, talk about your art page, whatever you want to link, go for it, and I'll obviously put it in the show notes. But lead the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:39

Thank you. So I'm on Instagram on two pages. I've got stephertie.art on Instagram and also steph2.0, but you'll never find it because it's one of those ones that gets flagged all the time. So you'll find it linked in my art one. Yeah. But um, on TikTok, I'm the Skimpy Artist, so at the Skimpy Artist.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:58

And absolutely, oh fucking eyes. I'll absolutely link everything for you, babe, because I'm just so excited. And if any of you guys are listening and you start following Steph, please send her a DM and let let her know what you took away from this podcast. I'm sure we can all connect and kind of exactly what Steph said. Like, let's celebrate each other, let's lift each other up. So make sure you slide in her DMs and give her a little shout out. Like, yes, bitch, do your work. Yeah, thank you so much for jumping on, Steph. I really appreciate you coming on and telling your story.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:30

Thank you, gorgeous. I appreciate you having me.