From Chaos to Confidence

Feeling like there’s too much on your plate?

In this episode, I break down how to spot overwhelm before it takes over, practical ways to manage it, and how to avoid burnout. 

I also dive into how overwhelm fuels self-doubt, chips away at confidence, and keeps you stuck. 

If you're ready to stop drowning in stress and start feeling in control again, this one's for you! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Even in the toughest times, in the toughest moments of your days in your life, the ability to pull something minuscule and be grateful to that and hold on to that, this tiny bit of your day versus the rest of the day, this is what matters. That doesn't fucking matter because you are not in control of what happens to you, but you are absolutely in control of how you react to it, how you manage it, and what you decide to do about it. I am your host, Jade, and thank you so much for tuning in this week. If you're watching the video version of this, I did just have a zuper duper. And my tongue is orange. So it'll be like a little, a little insight, like a you know, I know. What's that word? If you know you know, kind of vibe. If you have listened to the podcast and you see this on my Instagram reels and you see my orange tongue, it's because I've had a zooper duper. If you know you know, it'd be like a little inside joke. Anyway, how is everyone? I'm so excited to be recording today. I have some important stuff to talk about. I think it's a very big topic that keeps coming up. It's like reoccurring with my clients, reoccurring. And I figured, what a perfect opportunity to just talk it out on the podcast. Give some free tips, give some free value. If you're one of my clients listening, what's up? Write some notes, pay attention. Um, it is actually my birthday next week, guys. We have a public holiday coming up in uh Western Australia. Uh all Australia? Western Australia, all of Australia. Fuck no. Let's just go Australia. Um, we have a public holiday coming up in Australia, and it's my birthday. I'm very blessed. I always have a birthday on the long weekend. So back in the day, I always used to have Future Music Festival and then Soundwave the next day. If you are listening to this and you're like, fuck, I'm old. I feel you. Like, that's a very long time ago, and I'm just not okay about it. So bring back story Sonic. Um, what was I saying? Yeah, it's my birthday on Monday. Um, honestly, I just I just don't know. I'm I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm excited to just have my family over, actually. We're just gonna spend some time by the pool. We have like a little outdoor um barbecue area in our apartment. So hopefully no one's there on Monday and you've gotta go down and shotgun it and spend some time with my family and just have fun and celebrate. So yeah, just super chilled. I just cannot be fucked doing anything big. I think I'm a bit past that. I think maybe major birthdays I might, but I'm turning 32, so I'm just I'm keen to just like chill the fuck out, you know? I might go to the spa, get a massage, and and that's it. That's it. I'm happy with that. I just want to spend time with my loved ones. So happy birthday to me. I'm excited for that. So this episode I'm gonna be talking about like overwhelm, feeling overwhelmed, not having like feeling like you have no control over the chaos that's going on in your life, like help, send fucking help, what are we doing? Um, I guess for me, I guess, yeah, I guess for me the idea of overwhelm comes from not like the feeling of not having control. And not having control comes over lack of organization, lack of prep, um, but it's a mindset thing, right? Overwhelm is a mindset and it it comes after a series of events that kind of trigger and spiral in your mind. Um, let's just say, for example, it's task-oriented. Let's say you're doing a program or running a business or whatever it is, you've got a task-related thing on your plate. And the more we continue to put things off, or more specifically, the more you start to add things to that task list, it's like, ooh, okay, that another thing on the to-do list. Oh, okay, there's another fucking thing I have to do. I haven't even done this part yet. And then it just continues to spiral until we leave it for so long that we get to that point of overwhelm. And once we hit overwhelm, I'm sure you guys can relate if you've ever felt overwhelmed, is it's fucking chaos. Like, how did I get to this position? You feel too far gone in your mind, and it just spirals. And the feeling of overwhelm is heavy, very, very heavy mentally. It can lead to stress, it can lead to depression, it can lead to anxiety, or you feel all of those things combined once you already feel overwhelmed. A lot of the advice that I give to my clients, um, a lot of them are coming to me with overwhelm at the moment, is breaking it down for your brain. Honestly, break it down for your fucking brain. Your brain doesn't know what the task is, realistically, it doesn't understand the difference between um getting up out of bed versus cleaning your house. Like it doesn't know what the ta the task entails. You have to teach it the feeling of accomplishment. And what I'm trying to get at is if you have it, let's say for example, you have a to-do list, right? And on that to-do list is write a book. If that's on your to-do list and it's just though that wording, write a book. Every time you look at that task on your to-do list, your brain goes, I do not have the mental capacity for that right now. That can fuck off. I can fuck right off. I'm not even touching that. And you keep putting it off, you keep putting it off, you keep putting off, but it low, like it lingers over your mind because you know that you have to do it and you're not doing it. So then you incorporate feelings of guilt, like I know I have to do this task, it's a very important task, but I just can't manage that right now. Like I don't have the mental capacity for that. So, what I teach with tasks and when when my clients are feeling overwhelmed, and for you guys, is break it down. So take that hypothetical task of writing a book, break it down into smaller, bite-sized, achievable tasks, and that might be write a title, and underneath that would be open chat GPT, type this sentence in chat GPT, decide on top five names, decide on top three names, decide on name of book. It might mean your next step is open canva, and then within that step is um search book cover templates, um search, you know, um fuck, I've never written a book, I don't know why I use this example, but you get what I'm saying? Like the overall goal and the overall task is write a book. But for your brain to comprehend getting shit done and working toward that overall goal and task is breaking it down into measurable, achievable, bite-sized chunks. And that can be as as minuscule as you want, like open canva, or it can be bigger. And what I want you guys to get into the in practice of doing is when you're feeling overwhelmed, first stop and think to yourself, why do I feel overwhelmed? Realistically, like what's on my plate right now that's making me feel overwhelmed. And the first part of overwhelm is getting it out of your head because the overwhelm comes from these heavy spiraling thoughts that we have mentally. So, first thing I'm gonna do is get the thoughts out of my fucking head because I don't want to think about it. So get a piece of paper and it can look like journaling, it can look like just writing random shit down. We call it like a brain dump. Um, sometimes we do it before bed, sometimes we just do it when we're feeling overwhelmed. Let's just get it out of our head and onto paper. It doesn't have to make sense. We're just dumping those thoughts. So they're not consuming us anymore, they're not weighing us down, we're not thinking about the same to-do list on repeat over and over again every day. Let's get it down onto paper. Take a breath. Once you get it out of your brain, what can you do in that moment to remove yourself from that? So, writing it down, you're going, I acknowledge that I need to do all this stuff, but right now I'm gonna choose to do something for myself and away. So you might go for a walk, you might um exercise, you might go to the gym, you might play with your dog, you might read a book, you might scroll on TikTok. And I'm saying all this in terms of self-care because you need to detach from it for a little bit, and you need to um give yourself permission to look after yourself. You need to give yourself the permission to have a break. That to-do list isn't going anywhere, but your mindset is. It's spiraling dull. So give yourself permission, guilt-free permission. And I know that's gonna trigger a fuckload of you because I know from personal experience with my clients, every time I say guilt-free, step away from that to-do list, they fucking spiral, those limiting beliefs come up, like, oh no, no, no, like if I stop, it means I'm a failure, or if I don't do that to-do list today, it means I'm I'm gonna fall behind. And like all this stuff that comes up, like every excuse, not excuse, but every learnt behavior and learnt thought pattern comes up and self-sabotages them. And in my mind, my question is, you know, are these behaviors serving you? Is that mindset of I need to do this today or I'm gonna fail or I'm gonna fall behind? Is that serving you? Like, has it served you up until this point where you're you hit burnout, you've hit overwhelm? No, it fucking hasn't. So let's try something different. It feels uncomfortable, it's new to you. So dub the thoughts, park that to-do list, put it to the side, and just acknowledge to yourself, I am not avoiding this, I will get to it. But today, in this moment, I'm going to go for a walk, play with my dog, whatever makes you happy, whatever's gonna distract you in that moment. And we're slowly practicing and getting used to the idea of guilt-free care, self-care, guilt-free self-care, right? So hypothetically, we've gone for that walk. Um, there's no time limit on this self-care, by the way. No time limit on the self-care. It could just be go for a walk, calm the fuck down, think about something else, and come back and attack that to-do list. Or you could be in pretty bad shape and you're like, I need a couple of days away from that to-do list because it's driving me to the point of hitting my head against a wall, okay? And the point of self-care with overwhelm is checking in with yourself daily. The person you are today might be a different person tomorrow. So how are you expected to tackle what's on your plate? How are you expected to withhold yourself every day if you haven't checked in and said, Hey, how are you feeling today? When you wake up in the morning, you might go, I fucking, I'm exhausted mentally, socially, spiritually, energetically, physically, just exhausted in all aspects of my life. So your to-do list that day or your capabilities to uh tack that to-do list that day might be very minuscule and very different to a day that you would wake up and go, you know what, I feel a bit better. I feel like a weight's been lifted off my chest, I feel a bit more clear. Let's smash out some tasks on that to-do list. So, again, going back to guilt-free, going back to self-care when you hit that overwhelming burnout, is ask yourself how you fucking feel and act on that. You should not be expected. Um, and this expectation comes from yourself. You're in you're in control of that expectation. And you are to agree. I know you a lot of you probably have really stressful jobs and your boss is putting these expectations, but that's a whole other fucking story. You are in charge of your self-care, you're in charge of your behaviors, right? So check in with yourself every morning. How am I feeling today? What am I feeling capable of? If you've got a list the size of your fucking forearm for your oh no. If you've got a list the size of your forearm, um, and you wake up and you're feeling debilitated mentally, realistically, you're not gonna do everything on that list, and that's okay. Other days you might wake up and go, I have no energy. What can I do realistically today? Some people, that's getting out of bed. I got out of bed today, that's a great day. Um, you could ask yourself, and I always say to my clients, what's the one thing? Keyword one, one, one, one, one, what's the one thing on this list that I can do today that is going to make me feel a sense of progress or a sense of accomplishment or a sense of pride, you know? And again, that doesn't have to be related to your business. It doesn't have to be related to work. It can be going to the gym today. And if that's the one thing I do today, I know I'm gonna be proud of myself. So step one, wake up, check in with yourself. How am I feeling? Going back to that to-do list. Step two, what realistically, what's this one thing that I want to get done today? And again, if you check in and you're having a better day, you feel good, you feel motivated, you feel um optimistic about how the day's gonna go, you might tackle a few more tasks on that list. And as I mentioned, like overwhelm comes from just too much on your plate because of too many thoughts going on in your mind, too many emotions circulating. And then what we'll get to in a minute is obviously the internal thoughts that start and spiral for you. Like the self-doubt creeps in, the limiting beliefs creep in, but to eliminate the one part of the overwhelm, which is your thoughts and it feeling fucking chaotic and stressful for you is dumping those thoughts. So, ideally, you want to get rid of all of this before it gets to the point of overwhelm. And the way that we do that is just awareness, like what is continuously building on your plate, whereas this feeling of, oh, I'm starting to feel a bit stressed, I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. And unfortunately, we don't feel overwhelmed until it's too late because it's too much on our plate, there's too many thoughts going on, there's too much emotion. So let's just assume for this we didn't catch it in the moment and we are already at the point of overwhelm. It's then taking those thoughts out of your brain and onto paper, right? Paper, phone, whatever you want to write down, but getting it out of your head because the longer it stays in your head, the more you'll spiral, the more you'll overthink, the more self-doubt and everything will creep in. Okay. I think, especially in terms of confidence, overwhelm can be a big trigger for self-doubt because let's just say you get to this point of overwhelm. It's more often than not you go, Oh, this is too hard. I can't do this. I I don't even know if I'm capable of this. Do I even want to be doing this? Um, I'm not worthy of this, no one's gonna believe me, no one's gonna take me seriously, fear of judgment, like fuck. I have literally heard it all. And it starts with that overwhelm. Unfortunately, too much on our mind and not expressing it in a healthy manner or getting rid of it in a healthy manner, um, not processing our thoughts properly, not processing our emotions properly leads to that point of overwhelm, which leaves you open for such a negative experience with your self-worth and your confidence. So I think processing your thoughts, getting it out of your brain, but also your emotions. Like what emotions are coming up for you when you're feeling overwhelmed and how are you processing those in a healthy manner? Obviously, talking about it helps. That's why people journal, that's why people voice note if you don't like writing, talking to a therapist, like what are some things that you're doing to outwardly express those emotions so they're not building up and make and weighing doubt on you? Okay, because especially when you hit that point of overwhelm and you're having these limiting thoughts and it's detrimental to your confidence and self-worth, the next step is just giving up. Just giving up. Like, how many times have you had this idea and you've had this passion and you start working on it, and then you get to the point of it builds and builds and builds and builds in a negative way, and you're not expressing it, you're not dealing with it, you're burying your head in the sand, and it just gets deeper and deeper and deeper and heavier and heavier. And it's easier for you to talk yourself out of it, and we call this self-sabotage, right? Um, coming up with all these reasons why you shouldn't do it, why it's too hard, and then we self-criticize. I'm not worth this, I'm not worthy of this, no one's gonna believe me. Everything I went through previously, right? That's self-sabotaging. Um, so is the overcoming it, like I said, dump those thoughts, and then we call it the one thing rule. One thing or prioritize, like I said, what's the one thing on that list that you have to do that's gonna make the biggest impact for you after you've checked in with yourself? I talk about it a lot in my program in terms of a mindset tool we call reframing. Um, instead of saying I have so much on my plate or I've got so much shit to do, like I'm just overwhelmed. It's I've got a to-do list and I'm gonna decide which ones I'm gonna do today. Or um, I will take this step by step or one task at a time. So you're acknowledging like the shit on your to-do list, that's not going anywhere. Whether you feel overwhelmed or not, the things that you have to accomplish and do in your life to get going is not going anywhere. It's how you approach that. It's how you approach what's on your list, it's how you approach what's on your plate in life, in business, in relationships, whatever it is. So how your mindset is going into that um is super important. Now, I know this part is tricky for everyone, but one of the biggest things with overwhelm is setting boundaries. How many times have you guys been stressed or overwhelmed and you're at breaking point? You're like, uh even thinking about what I have to do right now, like is tipping me off, let alone how emotional I feel about it. You've already got those negative, restricting thoughts circulating, like I'm not worthy of this, I can't do this, why did I even bother? Like, really negative um thoughts going through your mind when you're feeling overwhelmed. And then a friend messages you, or your boyfriend messages you, we need to talk, or you wouldn't believe what happened, guess what happened? Um, and World War III breaks out, and you're like, I don't have the mental capacity for your problems because I don't have them for mine. And it's not a reflection of your friend, it's not a reflection of you as a friend. It's I'm already at breaking point. I cannot handle. What do you mean I just got a bill in my email? Fuck. Doesn't the power company know that I am already overwhelmed and stressed? So you're gonna have triggers, you're gonna have moments where things are gonna tip you over if you're always in that um overwhelm state, right? There's the awareness phase where you manage your life accordingly, you manage your mindset accordingly before you feel overwhelmed. The second phase is fuck it, you've hit overwhelm. How do we manage the overwhelm? The third stage, which you didn't even deal with the overwhelm, now you're in like deep depression, you're in um anxiety, panic attacks, you're in like all this shit, right? You're in the third stage. So boundaries can look like if you get a friend a message from a friend, hey, they absolutely will reply, or um, we'll message you back when I can. Like set those boundaries for yourself. Like, you're not in the space to mentally take on anything else. Hey, come to my birthday party. Thanks so much for the invite. Not in a position to do that. We'll chat to you later. Like, you don't owe anyone, including business, including your career at work. How many of us hit overwhelm at work? You don't owe anyone anything. This is your life, and you need to protect your space, you need to protect your mindset. And if you don't, you are the one that will suffer. And if you've ever experienced this, especially in the workplace, then go listen to my other episode. I think it's like stress, it's burnout, something about stress and burnout. Very long episode, but I have gone through this in my career and I hit burnout. It was pretty bad. Like I went to the fucking doctors and everything, like had heart palpitations, it was pretty bad. So um definitely recommend dealing with it before I get to that. But boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and boundaries don't have to wait till you're already overwhelmed and like 10 feet fucking under. Boundaries can be put in place when you feel like too much is being added on your plate. Um, for example, like I really want to hang out with a friend of mine at the moment, and she keeps asking, but bless herself. I've got so much I need to do, and my goals and my priorities at the moment are my business. And I know I'm a little stressed out leading up to it. Like, I'm already pushing my luck with how much time I've Got in my day, it's setting those boundaries. Like, I absolutely love, would love to spend some time with you, but how about in a couple of weeks? Like, I'm not gonna spend time with a friend right now because all I'm gonna be thinking about in my head is should have been doing that right now. And the guilt creeps in and the thoughts come in and everything. So it's like I'm just gonna eliminate that whole process and say no and reschedule. And that's okay. That's a whole other story setting setting boundaries and doing it without guilt and things like that. Um, once you've gone through that process, obviously, it's just about taking action. You know, you've taken some time away, you've acknowledged your to-do list, you've broken it down, you've dumped your thoughts, you've expressed your emotions, you've set those boundaries. It's taking action. You can't do all that and then risk repeat the same fucking patterns that got you there in the first place. It's acknowledging how you got there in the first place and then saying, I'm gonna do it differently from now on. And we know habits take a very long time. We know a positive mindset takes a very long time. It's a skill. They're both skills, they're both habits. So you have to keep practicing. And the first step to changing anything in your life is awareness. So constant reflection. Like, what's what have I been doing? How did I get to this point? Why is my life a mess? And then deciding to do something about it differently. Um, reaching out to someone if you don't know how to do that by yourself. You know, support systems are great, coaches are great, mentors are great, friends are great, family's great. Um, chat GPT, if you don't have friends or family, or a vacuum mentor, chat GPT, sort my life out, chat GPT. Thank you. Hey Siri, sort my life out. Ask for help, guys, and then put put something in place. Put something in place so it's a habit and it's a routine. And then eventually, the more you practice that, your brain recognizes the signs. Hey, we're feeling a bit heavy now, we're feeling a bit snowed under. Let's take that break. Let's express those thoughts. That's X, Y, and Z. So you're you're teaching your brain to do it, right? At the end of the day, guys, overwhelm is absolutely normal, um, but it does not have to control you. It's not supposed to consume you. Sometimes we feel a bit nerve nerve. Sometimes we feel a bit overwhelmed. But what are you doing about it? You know? Shift that mindset and take those actionable steps. Um, it's about regaining that control, right? Is that is that overwhelm controlling you or are you controlling it? Is your task load controlling you or are you controlling that task load? It's also doing this is it's kind of enhancing your confidence skill. Like confidence in how you tackle things, confidence in how you handle challenges and hurdles. You know, how do you deal with things that happen in your life? Because unfortunately, life happens, we'd have no control over that. But how what we choose to do about it and how we manage it is absolutely in our control. Okay. One more thing I want to say is in terms of practicing your positive mindset, which all about like getting into routine and practicing and shit like that. Um, mate, gratitude. Gratitude. I know people hear the word gratitude and they're like, oh, gratitude. I think it's corny. If you think that you're on the wrong podcast, what are you doing here? Hi. Gratitude. And gratitude can be something that you set yourself up for success at the start of the day. So when you wake up, you've had a you've had a shit week, but today is gonna be different. You wake up, you say to yourself, what are three things I'm grateful for? Or what are three things I'm proud of myself for? And then you start thinking about all this positive stuff. What am I proud of? What am I grateful for? Oh, I'm happy now. I'm proud of myself. Do you think you're gonna have a better day starting your day like that? Or the opposite? I know which one I'm gonna do. Or when you go to bed at night, what happened today? And if it was a shit day, the perfect opportunity to practice a positive mindset is today was fucking shit, but you know what? Here's three things that I'm really proud of. Here's three things that I think I did better today than the day before. Three things that I'm grateful for. Gratitude will always bring you back to a place of positivity and this beautiful sense of peace, right? Oh, I could have had the worst fucking day in the world, but you know what? I'm grateful because my parents, my grandparents are still here. And I got to speak to them on the phone today. I'm grateful for that. Or I'm grateful because I went for a walk today. I didn't make it to the gym because I missed the class, but you know what? I still put my sneakers on and I went for a walk. What am I grateful for? My cats are in beautiful health. These are all personal, obviously, to me. But you're going to bed practicing that even in the toughest times, in the toughest moments of your days in your life, the ability to pull something minuscule and be grateful to that and hold on to that, this tiny bit of your day versus the rest of the day, this is what matters. That doesn't fucking matter. Because you are not in control of what happens to you, but you are absolutely in control of how you react to it, how you manage it, and what you decide to do about it. Again, this part of your day, shit. This part of your day, great. So I'm gonna hold on to this. I don't want to consume my thoughts and my headspace with everything shit that happened today, which was 90% of it. I'm gonna focus my mindset on the 10% of something I'm proud of, grateful for, happy about, growth, pride, all this shit, right? Think of all the positive emotions, and how can you force your brain, force your mindset to focus on that? And then doing that constantly gets your mindset in the habit of reverting to positive. Now that's not to say you're not human and you're never ever gonna experience negative thoughts, challenging thoughts, overwhelming thoughts, self-doubt. No, we're human. It's feeling it. What does it mean to me? Letting go of it. I'm gonna choose to focus on positive and choose to control my day and how I feel about it. Yeah, cool. Leave you with that little nugget because that was great. I feel inspired myself, actually, guys. 5 p.m. I'm gonna go change the world now. Cause I can. Because I feel positive and I'm not overwhelmed. Alright, thank you so much for listening, guys. I hope you love today's episode. If you can, please jump in, give it five stars, subscribe if that's what you do on podcasts, hit the little bell so you know when a new episode comes out. Follow me on Instagram. Everything is in the description below. If you'd like some more golden nuggets from me and free value, head to my Instagram page. Thank you so much for listening. I will see you next week. Bye.