Thriving Through the Sh*tstorm of life

In this episode, I dive into how life’s hardest moments can actually become the turning points that shape us. 

Struggles aren’t just setbacks—they’re invitations to grow, reflect, and become more aligned with who we truly are. 

I also share why using your voice is a vital part of that growth. When you speak up, set boundaries, and own your truth, you take your power back. Let your challenges be the reason you rise, not the reason you stay silent.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I am your host, Jade. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. Today I want to take you guys through life lessons and just the importance of going through shit. Going through the ringer. This has come from a lot of conversations I've been having in the last couple of weeks, obviously, not only as a mindset coach, but people near and dearest to me. I don't think I've ever said that before, nearest and dearest. Near and dearest, is that a thing? People closest to me in my life, my loved ones that I care about, have been going through some shit. They've been going through it. Okay. A couple of friends in particular have mentioned, you know, like, I didn't see this coming. I didn't know it was a thing. I'm like surprised that I don't know how to handle it. Um, another, another scenario, the friend is like, I actually feel more equipped to deal with this situation. And I reminded them, well, it's because you've gone through this before, and now you have the tools and the awareness to what to what to look out for and how to handle it. So I want to talk about the importance of that mindset, that growth mindset, that open-mindedness of um not so much failure, but embracing life's fucking bag of dicks, to say the least, right? I think a lot of people say, Oh, I'm afraid of failure. And it's like, well, fucking bring it on in my mind, because I know that I'm gonna learn from it. I'm gonna grow from it, I'm gonna pick up skills, I'm gonna pick up life experience. And you don't know how to handle things until you've gone through it, right? That's the best way to acknowledge that you know how to do something and you can do it better next time. And that goes for not only workplace, not only your career and business, it's relationships, you know, like in friendships and romantic relationships and yourself, how I think you have to go through life experiences to understand what you value, what you value the most. And I think it's important to note that you should already, you should know your values, uh, whether it's at a conscious level or you've worked with a coach and you know them at a deeper level, what are your highest values, you know, your top five values? Because every decision you make in life, in career, in your friendships, in personal decisions, in in fun, in hobbies, all of that kind of stuff will always be related to your values. So take this note right now that you should know your top five values. In in terms of life experience and life struggles and you know, growth and development and personal development, all those kind of things, they are life's biggest teachers. Shit moments and hard moments are life's biggest teachers for you. And obviously, when something happens to you, the initial reaction and the emotion is all warranted, all valued, and actually something you should not shy away from. You know, feel whatever you need to. I think in that moment, feeling that emotion builds your emotional resilience in a way where you have awareness of like I think an easier way to say this is emotions are normally triggers for something. The emotional response you have to something is a trigger that something is not aligned with your values, it's not aligned with what you believe in, what you think you deserve and what you think you want in life. So listen to those emotions, um, which is why it's really important when you go through a challenging time in life or you're ever confronted with a situation where you go, Oh, I'm trying not to cry about it, or I'm trying not to be upset about it, I'm trying not to be mad about it. Why? Like you should be. It's your emotional response, it's your brain and your body saying to you, I don't like this. So why would you try not to cry about it? Why would you try not to, I'm trying not to make it a big deal? It's like, no, no, no, like you have every right to express how something has affected you, you know. Um, one example I can think of that actually happened yesterday, um was in terms of a friend of mine has a best friend, like another best friend. So we'll call my friend Shelly. I'm gonna write this down because I'm gonna forget. Okay. So my friend that was telling me this story, her name's Shelly. And her friend that I don't know, we'll just call Hannah. So Shelly was confiding in me last night that she said, you know, I do all these really nice things for Hannah. And not that I expect anything in return. It's always, you know, I don't, I don't show up in my relationships tit for tat. I just do things because like that's what I want to do for my friends. I want to make them feel special, I want to make them um, you know, feel really important and loved and happy and joy and all this kind of stuff, right? Which, as you should, that's what friends are for. So Shelly has gone out of her way, their whole relationship, to make Hannah feel great. Now, it's Shelly's 30th birthday this year, which is a big fucking milestone. It's a big deal. And Hannah has just not come to the table. Every excuse under the sun, I'm not gonna be there. I've actually forgot your birthday. She sent that to a message in Shelly and said, I actually forgot about your birthday, I'm sorry. Um, but has chosen to go on an overseas trip with her partner. Now, Shelly is having all these confronting like feelings. Like, I feel mad, I feel disappointed, and I feel upset. And she was asking me for validation that she felt like that. Like, is it okay that I'm reacting like this? And I'm like, Shelly, mate, yes. Disappointment is like such a big emotion to feel, and you don't just choose to feel disappointed. You don't just wake up and go, I choose to feel happy or I choose to feel mad, like I choose to feel sad today. They are all reactions and triggers to something that has happened to you that doesn't sit well with you. So I encouraged Shelly and I encourage you guys, if you're going through shit situations in life, whatever emotional reaction you're having to it, listen to it and take it on board and acknowledge it and think of it as a warning sign, you know, why do I feel disappointed that Hannah has let me down on the biggest day of the year after everything I've done for her? You know, what values are in conflict here? You know, she might, um, Shelly might value love, contribution, connection, happiness, like all that stuff in friendships, right? And if those needs or values are not being met for you in a friendship or in relationship, excuse me, or whatever situation you're in, that is normally a warning sign for you as a person. Because everyone's situation is going to be different, everyone's values are different, everyone's expectations are different from friends, relationships, work, things like that. So as I explain why shit in life is good life experience for growth, I just want to preface that any emotions that are attached to big events in your life that can be life-changing or eventful or something an opportunity for growth, take on board the learnings that the emotions give you. There will always be emotion attached to a big life event, whether it be positive or a challenge or traumatic. Use those emotions as triggers and tools in your belt to carry on with you in life. Disappointment being a really big emotion. So after this, if Shelly ever feels that disappointment emotion again, it's a reflection of a conflict for her internally, whether she's crossed a boundary, whether, you know, your values just are not lining up anymore. They may have, as you were younger, but as you grow together, you know, that about that relationship will evolve. And sometimes that means that you just outgrow each other, and that's okay. Getting a bit off track here. But so just think about that, the emotions that are associated and connected with these big life moments. So another thing that you can take from big life moments, and this is obviously in all in the context of growth, right? And personal development and developing as a person. It's all comes down to like learning about yourself, right? What do you like? What do you not like? What do you value? What do you don't value? What are your um non-negotiables in life? And what are you what are you okay to tolerate? Things like this. And you won't understand any of that until you go through shit. Like if you go through a fucking toxic relationship, you know, some people have a different spectrum of what jealousy means. Some people have different understandings and requirements for how they like to be communicated to and how they perceive and receive communication, how they give communication, um, you know, what are their boundaries in terms of what spending time together looks like, all of these things, right? And you don't know that until you're with someone that doesn't align with that. I think the five love languages comes into play here as well. It's all, it's all getting to know just you. I'll try and keep it simple before because my mind's going insane in terms of expanding on heaps of different topics. So, something else you're gonna learn from shit in life is the courage to speak up and the courage to stand up for yourself and be assertive and say what you want. Because I think a lot of the empowerment and courage and confidence to say what you need and stand up for yourself actually comes down to knowing what you need and what you like and what you want. And if you don't know that, don't worry if you don't have courage to speak up. You don't even know what you're speaking about. How do you stand up for yourself if you're not aligned with who it is you are and what you need and what you want, right? So going through, let's just give the example of a shit relationship and a breakup. You might in the past, before you develop your communication skills or awareness of what you deserve and want, may have struggle speaking up in that relationship and may have some struggles articulating what you need, you know, because you have never had practice before. You don't know how to speak to your partner and say, hey, I didn't like that, or that doesn't sit well with me, or I think we're on different pages here. Um and it's not until you break up or you just are in a toxic relationship, or not a not a relationship that's just not going well, right? Or just isn't meant for you. The next time a new partner comes along, because you have already experienced what that turmoil feels like and what that um conflict feels like, your brain automatically goes, Oh, hang on, I've been here before. I remember that I didn't like it. I didn't like this feeling. I didn't like where this is going. There's some similar patterns here. You then have the ability to reflect on a past experience and then develop that skill to have warning bells for that. That also, I think what's more relatable to you guys is probably like cheating, for example, right? We all have that gut feeling, but we just have never experienced being cheated on before. It's not until the first time that you know what's about to happen, or at least you can kind of preempt what's about to happen, right? So in a relationship that's gone sour, not only can you practice how to communicate, the the self-awareness gets better, the confidence to speak on these things gets better. Especially with cheating. Like, I think I'm trying to remember the first time I've cheated on. I've just been cheated on so much. I've been cheated on so many times. I actually can't even remember. I think there's I think you're born with like intuition, right? Gut feelings. But the more times you're cheated on, it just you have the slightest inkling. And because you have that experience already in your life, you go, ah yeah, he's definitely cheating on me. You haven't even seen anything yet. You just know it's like a pattern, right? Your brain goes, remember this? Let's compare the pair, compare the market. This sounds like warning bells for cheating. Do you see the similarities here, right? Um, but yeah, I mean, I was always also speaking to a friend yesterday. She was in a situation with a previous housemate where it was a very uncomfortable situation, you know, felt like she was walking on eggshells, but she kind of like was quite reserved about it, doesn't really like confrontation, didn't say much about it, made the choice to eventually move out, right? So didn't really have the practice or the space to stand up and say, hey, fuck you, this is not what I like. So fast forward a few months, she has a new housemate. And the same feelings are coming up. It might be a different situation in terms of what the housemate's doing, but how my friend feels about it is very similar. So, you know, when we speak every day, hey, this is how it's making me feel. This is how I'm reacting to it. And I'm kind of like, hey, this sounds very similar. Like how you're reacting and how you are feeling sounds very similar to your previous situation. You know, sorry to hear that. That sucks. And then she made a really good point and said, I feel like more confident standing up for myself this time. And I don't think it had anything to do with who it was. I think she obviously reflected in how she was feeling and pictured like the previous scenario. She's like, I've been through this before. So I almost feel like one, I know where it's gonna head if I don't address it. But two, I have reflected in terms of what I didn't say back then or what I didn't do back then, or how it made me feel after because I didn't act on it and I sat in that situation for so long. She now has the ability to reflect on that and go, because I've been in that situation before or a similar situation, I am gonna choose now to do something different about it, or I'm gonna use reflection tools or um something I would have done in that situation. And in this case, she did speak up. She actually spoke up and we spoke about it together. And she said, you know, I've never really done that. I've never really stood up for myself. You know, I'm like, yeah, how did that feel? How did it feel that finally standing up for yourself? And she's like, Oh, you know, it's like it's scary. It didn't go the way that I wanted it to go, but I I can acknowledge that I have done something different this time based on my previous experience. And let's future pace a little bit in the future, because she's now spoken on it and she's stood up for herself, and even though it didn't go the way that she had planned, that's fine. Because next time she's gonna do it again. She's gonna act on it again, and she'll maybe say something different or um communicate differently or handle it a different way. But the more time she's going through shit situations, the more practice she's getting, right? And that is literally what life is. That is what growth is, is life experiences are actually just practice sessions. Some of them are shit challenges and heavy challenges and traumatic challenges. But if you look at life as like a fucking practice run to be the best version of yourself, how can you get better if you don't go through shit experiences? This is why I'll never like I know a lot of situations are absolutely out of our control, like absolutely out of our control. That's not what I'm trying to get at. It's not about controlling things, it's about it's about embracing them. You know, it's about that mindset of how can I learn from this, not how can I avoid it next time. It's like great, embrace change, embrace failure. Like, how can I get better from this? Definitely in business and career, you gotta fuck up a few times to get better. You're not born with the answers to do things right, you're not born with knowing how to do everything perfectly, and you never will do anything perfectly. And I think that's the thing for personal growth is there's not an end goal. Like there's no, this is what I want to be, black and white. Because I feel like you'll you have to shoot for the stars with personal development and growth. You always want to be better, you always want to be improving. And I I met someone, I met someone in my past who I think she went to like one or two therapy sessions and she might have done like one personal development workshop on a weekend. But like she was still having arguments with people, like, you know, as you do, she was still having trouble in relationships and all this stuff, but she kept saying, like, I'm not the problem. Like, I've I've been to a counseling session and I've been to a workshop, so it's not me anymore, it's everyone else. I'm like, babe, all due respect, like just because you've been to one workshop, that doesn't mean that that's the end of the line for improvement for you. Like, use these continuous situations to go, oh, here's something else I can add to my growth toolbox. Here's another way of looking at how I showed up in this situation. Like, don't be closed off to how can I keep improving, right? Um, for my personal example, I've been doing personal development since I was like 19 years old. I'm now 32. The amount of programs I've done, in-person fucking retreats, workshops, I've been to counseling, I've had mentors and coaches and have been through a lot of life experience in terms of life lessons and growth and things like that. And definitely in one of my last relationships, I don't have enough, I don't have as much awareness as I do now at 32 or even when I was 31 of how can I be better. Like I always have a growth mindset and I always want to do better. But I think a lot of my mindset at that time, from when I was like 19, 19, 20, 20, 20, 12, 15, 19 to 26, I was in this relationship. 20 to 26. Um, a lot of my mindset is like, yeah, I'm doing all the work. So during this period is when I was doing my personal development and counseling and everything. I almost had that mindset as well of what else are you doing? You know, what are you bringing to the table? Which is fair, but it's also like no self-reflection. So every time there was like a sticky spot or something was conflicting, like there was a bit of what's the word I'm looking for? Like conflict, bit of conflict, bit of head butting, things like that. I was always like, oh, it's not me. Like I communicate, I communicate great. It's not me. Plot twist, I'm the person I was just talking about. I'm not, but it sounds very familiar now that I reflect on it. My communication skills now, like I thought, like 26-year-old me thought that I communicated greatly, like exceptional skills, because I'd also done like communication programs and everything. 32-year-old me, so much better at communication. And I'll probably look back on this now in 10 years and go, you thought you were a great communicator back then. But I think one of the things that I can reflect on the difference between those two, not only have I continued to do the work, but it was actually my partner. And again, a life experience. It's a relationship, right? And I'm taking this relationship to, I'm using the relationship and some of its hardships and hard points in our relationship to reflect on me. Inward reflection. What have I done to contribute to this hardship in our relationship? How can I improve so that this is not so much a fucking pain point for us moving forward? That's the mindset. And I think it's because of this partner. In the past, I've had very patient partners who either didn't want to deal with my shit, so it's easier just to shut up and yep, you're right, let's move on from that. Because I'm a very fiery communicator. Getting better at that. Um, but this partner, bless his socks, very fucking stubborn, very stubborn. But it's in him being stubborn that he also wear close enough and have a good connection enough where he can go, you know what? You're being this, you're doing this, this is how what you're doing is making me feel. And I've never had someone like spin it and put it back on me before. Cause whether they were just doing it behind my back or for whatever reason, they were just submissive and were like, yeah, whatever, it's easier just to not fight with you. Um, but it's taken this fucking stubborn partner to be like, no, like fuck you, you don't get the last say. Like, this is how your actions are also impacting this this relationship. And having a partner that helps you do that, that is genuinely interested in the growth and the progression of the relationship by saying, Hey, there's two parties in this relationship. What can we both do to improve? What can we both do to get better? It's not until I had a partner like that that I did more reflection than I'd already done and been like, hey, yeah, there's actually some patterns here in my behavior, um, especially reflecting on past relationships. Now that That I've improved from where I was, I look back on those relationships and go, yeah, that I probably wasn't the easiest person to deal with, or I probably would handle that differently now if it came across now. And that's the point of life lessons: personal growth. You have to be willing to reflect on the hard times. Because I think where people go wrong and they don't show any self-growth or personal development is they constantly go through the trenches. They're hit with multiple fucking events or traumatic events or challenging events or upsetting events, you know, relationships, career, friendships, things like that. If you don't take the time to assess, reflect, how did I show up? What can I learn from this? What am I going to do differently next time? What can I be better at? If you don't take the time to think about that stuff, and then you're hit with another situation or a similar situation, it'll just be this fucking constant pattern of no growth. You'll either stay where you are, you'll be miserable, shit will keep happening to you, you won't be a better person for it, or you'll go backwards. That victim mentality of why does it why does everything bad always happen to me? You know, I can't catch a fucking break, everything's happening to me, or I'm not successful, or I'm I always have shit relationships, I always attract toxic people and blah blah blah. Like that victim mentality of, well, actually, babe, like, what are you doing to change your situation? What are you doing to improve? I think the saying of like, you can't control what happens to you, but you can control what you choose to do about it. That's that's the controllable. Focus on what you can control. And you can always control how you show up, how you react, like how you manage things, how you deal with things, how you show up in the world, how you fucking treat people. I don't know. There's been so much going on at the moment in terms of side note, in terms of positivity and everything. And I just want to say, like, positivity, positivity and being a kind person is a fucking choice. It's a choice. If you are not being a positive, kind person, you're showing up mad at the world, you're blaming everyone else, you're a victim mentality, you're being nasty, you're rude, you're bullying people, that is also a choice. That's a fucking choice. So you can choose to be a piece of shit, stay where you are, go backwards, treat the world like it's out to get you, and bully people and be rude to people and just show up like a nasty piece of work. Or you can choose to show up as someone that is positive, has an open mind, an optimistic mindset, a growth mindset. You know, you're kind to people, you're forgiving to people, you're compassionate. Choose which fucking person you want to be because there's only one world and there's one of you. You choose how you want to show up in it. And that's not saying you continue to grow. You know, if I look back on situations in my life as I was younger, I obviously don't have the tools that I have now, or um, communication skills, or just self-awareness, the world around me, awareness. There's some things that I did back then that I'm definitely not proud of upon reflection. And it's not like I don't regret anything because you you do what you can with what you know and what you have. And Little Me back then definitely had some shitty fucking behavior. And now that I have that reflection and awareness, I would definitely not behave like that moving forward because I've reflected, I've decided and have growth that I am a better person than that, and I'm constantly developing myself to be this positive person, not only in my life, but the people's life lives around me. Because I'm choosing that, I'm choosing to be better. But some people choose to stay a piece of shit, a poop in a bag on fire on a doorstep, okay? Um, but I guess, like in summary, having the mindset where you choose that life troubles, life fucking shenanigans, all the shit that happens to you, just go into it with the mindset of like, what is this teaching me? What can I learn from it? How can I do better? What is this teaching me about myself? You know, life experiences is a practice run at molding you. You know, how is it trying to mold you? Do you close yourself off and stay in your little victim box, or are you choosing to like remodel yourself into a better person based on that life experience and the event that you went through? And that's it. That is it. That's all I've got for you guys today. I hope that was fucking inspiring. I hope it was impactual. I um facilitated a program like before I started recording this. I was teaching my students, and I didn't know if impactful or impactual was a word. So I kind of just said both and hoped that one of them like resonated. And I was like, I don't know. Impactful or impactual, whatever sits with you guys. That's what we do as coaches. We put it back on the student, like, take get them to take ownership. So, like, I don't know. Which word is right, which word sits well with you. You pick one. Imagine if they're like, they're both not a fucking word, but whatever. Thank you so much for tuning in this week, guys. I really appreciate you showing up. If you enjoyed today's episode or the podcast in general, please give me a heads up heads up. No, I don't need you to do that. Please give me a hand and rate this podcast five stars. Hit the little bell, make sure you're notified every time an episode comes out. If you'd like some little snippets or some extra value from me, please check out my Instagram page, Jade Delpub Coaching. All the links will be in the show notes for this episode. Show me some love, can't wait to chit chat, and I'll see you guys next week.