Breaking Up With Beauty Standards

In this episode, we unpack where beauty standards are headed—and why it's time to call them out. 

From the filtered feeds to the impossible expectations, we explore how these messages can impact confidence, mental health, and self-worth. 

It’s not just about recognizing the problem, it’s about changing the conversation. I also share why it’s crucial to audit your environment and online space, and how you can start curating content that empowers, not pressures. 

Let’s redefine what beauty really means—on our own terms.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Who decides what people should and shouldn't look like? Like we're not born with insecurities. They are thrust upon us because people are sick of keeping up with the fucking standards. Oh my god, I wish like I looked like that and blah blah blah. Babe, she wished she looked like that as well. That's why she got the work done. People are sick of being put into boxes of tick tick tick. You either fit beautiful or you don't. What's up guys? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I am your host, Jade. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. So I do have to admit, I was recording before this and noticed I had a bit of broccolini stuck in my teeth, and I'm like, I just can't have that, you know? So here we are for round two. Broccolini free. As I'm looking on, like there's definitely still definitely still something there. Fuck my life. One job, Jay. One job. I also noticed someone um sent me a message from my last episode. They're like, are you in an office or is that a virtual background? I actually had no idea it was recording with a virtual background until I rewatched the video and I'm like, fuck. I don't even remember putting that on. But you know what? It's kind of a vibe. So I'm gonna leave it. It's open to interpretation where I am. You know, use your imagination, let it run wild. But this week, there's some things I want to say, there's some things I want to get off my chest. No surprise there. Welcome to Woke Up Worthy. But I'm just fed up, fed up would be a good word and overall feeling, right? This whole idea of beauty standards. I mean, if you're watching a video of this, it's in quotations with the little fingers. Beauty standards. You know, I'm frustrated at what point in time and who, who decides what beauty is, who decides what people should and shouldn't look like, what features they should have in order to feel beautiful or even look beautiful, quote unquote beautiful. Like who decides these standards? And I want to get into topics of like how we have contributed to these standards, these at and at sometimes unrealistic standards. Who decides those, who's contributing to those, where have they come from, what are we gonna do about it? Because I am FED fed up. Fed up. It's I guess it's consuming, especially with today's age on social media and how influential young people are, even at my age, you know, and older, I can assume that we're influenced by what people say and do online. Um, especially if you already have a level of insecurity and you are then faced with opinions and standards online and you don't, for whatever reason, match that idea or that process. Of course, you look inwards and doubt yourself and fear insecure, but who the fuck decided? Who decided that that was what you needed to do and that's how you needed to look in order to feel fucking beautiful and confident and worthy? I don't know who that person is or society in general, but I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you for desired deciding how everybody else should fit in a fucking mold or a box of quota, a checklist of if you do or don't fit in this box, then you are unworthy. You you are ugly, or you know, all the tinks, all the tings. I'm like, who decided that? I want to have a word. Anyway, I'm gonna talk about a few things that have been coming across my Facebook, I don't even use Facebook, coming across my Instagram and mainly TikTok, right? Things that have come across my for you page. So I think I mentioned years ago, I actually mentioned this on one of my first episodes about how beauty standards are trends. They are trends, they change constantly, and that's why I always say you should spend money on fixing your mindset and improving your mindset and how you feel about yourself on the inside and overall outside, versus changing your physical appearance to suit, quote unquote, suit what the quote unquote beauty standards are on trend at the time. If you look at the 90s, right, it was on trend to be fucking stick-thin, like supermodel runway model, stick thin, stick thin, and that was the trend. Then um, obviously, people like King Kardashian came along, and like curves and big bottoms were a trend. You know, we've gone through big lip trends, false eyelashes, um, certain even down to eyebrows. Like, I'm a 90s baby. The absolute trauma of looking back on photos and my ball with my tadpole, like super thin eyebrows, and that was a trend, and now like laminated brows and big, beautiful, bushy eyebrows are on trend. It's honestly it's all a trend, and luckily enough, things like eyebrows are easy to morph and keep up with trends, but people doing actual surgical changes to their body, like making their nose smaller, making their boobs and butt bigger, and you know, keeping up with what's on trend, some of it reversible, some of it not, which is upsetting to hear when the trend then changes. Like we shouldn't have to mold ourselves to fit into what is on trend for beauty standards. Now it's important that I mentioned all of that because exactly what I said would happen because they are trends, is happening. Uh, we're going into this new woke phase, this new woke period of quote unquote beauty trends where natural and whatever that means to people, again open to interpretation, natural is becoming a trend. For me personally, I'm I'm sick of it. Like I think people are looking for natural because people are sick of keeping up with the fucking standards. People are sick of being put into boxes of tick-tick tick. You either fit beautiful or you don't. You're either gonna fix yourself to keep up with this beauty standard or you're not, therefore you're ugly and not good enough, right? People are fucking sick of it. So I'm gonna mention a few shout-outs to influencers or just people that I've seen online that were keeping up with trends and are now reversing all of the work that I suggest you go listen to and watch because I can just see that they're sick of it. And you know what? Authenticity and realness and honesty goes a long way with today's audience. It does. Uh people are screaming for influencers to like call out the work that they've had done. I guess like people just want transparency, like, which is also fucked because I've seen people be honest and transparent and then they get shot on for getting the work done. So it's like, damned if you do, damned if you don't. So the first person I want to mention, I definitely recommend going to have a look at her channel is Tilly Whitfield, right? I'm sorry if I'm butchering your fucking name, babe. Tilly Whitfield. Um, I wasn't following her until recently. I noticed like a lot of her videos were saying why she regret regrets, why she regrets getting the work done that she did. And I think it's important to hear it from her in terms of why this is becoming a thing. I'm seeing it everywhere. There's one person that has really stood out to me and has a huge platform that I really want to send my love to and encourage you guys to go watch the videos, and I'm pretty sure there's like a mini document documentary about it now, like a sit-down interview, is Chloe Fairy. So if you guys watch Geordie Shaw, you would have seen Chloe's transformation, her confidence, her self-doubt, and then a really drastic change in her appearance from surgeries. Seeing, I don't know why, but I feel like there was a gap from when she was on Geordie Shaw in the seasons to when she popped up on my social media again. I feel like there was a big gap. I don't know if I just wasn't present on the social media or what. But the shock and sadness I felt for her. I think it's really fucking cruel when people bully and are really mean to people that get surgeries and change their appearance. Because you I know those people have changed their appearance so drastically because they feel insecure. They feel insecure, they do not love themselves, they feel unworthy, whatever it is. And a lot of the time you see celebrities and people that have an online presence go through such drastic changes because they are bullied so heavily for the way that they look, and they are so insecure and full of self-doubt that they change what people are picking apart about themselves so that they just stop being bullied and they stop being criticized for how other people see them. It's fucking awful. So this huge transformation that Chloe went through to not look like herself anymore, so upsetting to see. And you can tell people that are super insecure because there's very drastic changes, like it's almost they don't even look like themselves, and I think that's the whole point for them, right? They feel so insecure, they're like, How the fuck do I look like anyone else other than myself? But now, what I really want to praise Chloe for and the bravery and such a beautiful turnaround and story is she's reversed a lot of the surgeries as much as she possibly can, um, and has come out with this beautiful message that needs to be seen and heard and taken seriously in terms of a place that she was in mentally, in terms of why why she got all this change in the first place, why she did so much to change her appearance. Which is sad in itself. But you know, not only the bullying, but being in the public eye on such a huge show. I can imagine the criticism and the self-doubt and low confidence she would have felt is really sad. And she got to this point, you guys have to watch it for yourself. I I don't want to speak for her, but she said she got to such a low place after so many surgeries and after doing so much change. She didn't fucking had no idea who she was anymore. Like, how do you get the imagine feeling like that? You are so lost and so far away from who you really are and who you started as, trying to keep up with trends, trying to avoid being bullied, changing yourself so much that you get to this place of like, who the fuck am I? I'm not even myself anymore. Like, from how much change I've gone through. And I thought it was such such a heavy story, but such an important message that this is where it fucking heads if you don't change your mindset. This is how drastic of an impact it can have on your mental health, on your physical health. How many people have died from surgeries from doing too much, physically hurting yourself and putting your life at risk to chase this feeling? This is why it's so important to change this conversation. So I'm gonna put links to their stuff in the show notes because they're two people I think are really important to listen to their story and follow, especially Chloe Ferry with such a big audience. I'm assuming like how much hate she got for having the surgeries in the first place. I really hope, or from what I can see, she's getting so much support for now changing that around. And it wouldn't be easy. It wouldn't be easy. There needs to be some sort of therapy in there because not a lot of people get to that point themselves of going, This is too much, I don't feel like myself. Um, whether she is having therapy, I don't know, but some sort of like counseling and support and professional help for your mindset, for your mental health, because the mental health is such a big part of like the behaviors as well. I'm seeing it online. All these influences that rushed, well, not rushed, that's an assumption, but all these influences that got all of this work done to keep up with beauty standards, to keep up with what was on trend. And do you know what's happened is they didn't work on their mindset, they uh fixed their outward appearance to hopefully feel better about themselves. And what normally happens is you can change your appearance as much as you like, but unless you fix what's inside, unless you fix your mindset, how you see yourself, no matter how much work you get done, you will always be insecure, you will always have self-doubt about yourself. That is what's happening. All these people have spent this money to change their appearance to, you know, I'll just get this done and then I'll feel good. I'll just get this bigger or this smaller or a little bit more and then I'll feel good. Do you know what is a great fucking show to watch that is an accurate representation of this? Is the show botched. Love it. There's always one on every episode. Um, you know, the crazy over-the-top done plastic surgeries like filler, lip filler, botox, all this stuff, like their boobs are fucking ginormous. It's obviously outrageous, but it's just very apparent that mentally they are very insecure and have a lot of self-doubt. You know, these I feel I really feel bad for them because they're chasing that feeling of once this is done, I'll feel better. Once I get this adjusted, I'll feel finally feel confident. And it's this never-ending fucking feeling that they're chasing. It never comes. It will never come because it's not your physical appearance, it's it's your mindset. Mindset is one part of it. The other part is your environment. What triggers are in place to put install doubt in your mind? You know, even if you even if you're born confident and you love yourself, right? Like we're not born with insecurities, they are thrust upon us. I still remember at every point in my life where someone has made a comment or something, and then then I've then questioned that part about myself or my body, and until that person makes a comment about it in a negative light, I didn't think there was an issue or a problem. That's what bullying is. Whether they intend to make a bullying comment or a um damaging comment or not, it's not until someone brings awareness to, hey, you don't fit the norm, you don't fit in this box of checklists of what the current beauty standard is. I'm gonna point it out on you, and then you start to compare. You're like, hey, yeah, I don't look like that. I don't fit that fucking mold of what beauty standards are, therefore, I must, there's something wrong with me. And the extreme is I'm going to then fix it or get it altered to suit that box, to fit in that box, to suit the current beauty standard. This is what fucking happens. So not only is it be in control and fix your own personal mindset, therefore, you feel better and more confident to battle, choo, choo, choo, battle all of these comments that are gonna come your way throughout life. That's what confidence is. You cannot control your outside environment, but you can control what it means to you. That is literally what confidence is. The more you work on your growth and personal development and fixing your mindset, no matter what the beauty standards are, no matter what people's comments and opinions are about you and your body, you will feel better about yourself no matter what people say. No matter what the standards are. That is literally what fucking confidence is. And something I also want to point out is it's not only people's comments and opinions, it's the trends that install doubt in us, right? It's people bragging about getting Botox or people bragging about a surgery that they got done, or people bragging about the way that they look without saying, I've had this work done. Because people don't look like that naturally without a lot of work done, and they look fucking great, most of them now, but impressionable people, impressionable young people and people with low self-worth and low self-confidence and high self-doubt, look at those influences or people online that have had a lot of work done and are not honest about it, and go, why don't I look like that? She's getting praised for her beauty beauty, she's getting praised by how fucking hot she is. And oh my god, I wish like I looked like that, and blah blah blah. Babe, she wished she looked like that as well. That's why she got the work done. And it's so refreshing now seeing people. Um, I think there was this trend where you they had like a filter on, and they were like, This is what my skin looks like with the filter, this is what my skin looks like without the filter, and it's so empowering seeing that kind of stuff because it triggers something in your brain where you go, Oh, my skin looks like that too. Or you see those influences that are at a healthy weight or they have a bit more weight on them, and they're like, Look at my roles, and it triggers something in your brain to go, I have roles too, I fit in. So instead of creating this unrealistic standard of how you how and why you should feel confident and love yourself, instead of creating the standard that you need to change the way you look in order to feel beautiful, we are now slowly embracing hey, this is what normal looks like, these are the reasons why that you should love yourself just the way you are, you know, and it's becoming more of a trend to embrace natural, to embrace being a fucking human being, and those external triggers of Botox and ingestion injections and surgeries and everything, they also install doubt in us. They go, Oh, if Botox is trending, does that mean I should be getting Botox at my age? Like, I know a lot of people my age that are getting Botox because they're starting to age, which is fucking normal. They're starting to age, so then the normal the normal reaction to aging is uh stop it. How do I slow down this process? And I also feel like I need to preface this is in no way judgment on people that get work done. I understand people do it in order to feel better about themselves, and this is why I'm bringing so much awareness to it because everyone deserves to feel confident, everyone deserves to feel good about themselves in their own skin. I'm bringing awareness to the fact that this is what's happening, this is how influential we are, and take the time, money, and energy to fix your mindset and build your confidence rather than this race that people are stuck in, this never-ending cycle of keep fixing this, keep throwing money at this, keep changing this about myself, and I will eventually fit in, quote unquote. I will eventually feel good about myself. Because you won't. It's this constant battle between keeping up with what what society deems as a beauty standard, whilst battling and deflecting external comments, external opinions, um, just verbal communication. Like they may not mean to throw their opinion at you, but if they point something out, you then reflect and look at yourself. Something that happened to me on the weekend, actually. This literally happened a few days ago, right? And this is what I mean by external comments make us reflect inward in a negative or a positive way. This was negative for me. I didn't feel bad about it, it's just something I noticed. I did not know this about my. Myself on my face until I saw someone else pointing it out on themselves. She talked about through her aging process, she started getting I don't even know what lines they are, like the lines that run from the bottom of your nose to your corners of your mouth, like your jewels or your smile lines, right? Which is fucking normal. The elasticity in your face and skin will change over time as you age. And I went home and noticed those same lines on my face, and I was like, I've ha never noticed those before. But like you have this moment of like, oh, like I wonder how that's gonna look in a few years, and then you also come to the realization I'm I'm aging now, like my skin is not going to look like this all the time. My face is going to change based on the aging process. Now, I don't give a fuck. Cool, bring it on. Other people have this moment of holy shit, like this cannot happen. If I start aging, God forbid I have a fucking line on my face, God forbid I have a wrinkle, God forbid I have a fucking blemish on my face. Because I will no longer fit into societal norms, I will fall outside of this box of beauty. I will no longer be accepted, I will no longer feel good about myself if I do not stop this process happening right now. How do I fix this ASAP? How do I prevent it from happening? Versus how do we as a society regain control of this and change the narrative? The people that are doing it now are the ones I mentioned before, where they're talking about their weight, like their roles, they were talking about blemishes on skin, um, talking about their face, like their blemishes, like filter on, filter off, right? It's those people that are changing the narrative. Because remember, I said one person's communication, comment, conversation, even triggers a reaction for yourself. Now, is that reaction going to trigger you to self-criticize, be critique about the way that you look? Does it install doubt for you? Or are we seeing realistic bodies, realistic expectations and faces online that triggers reassurance? Reassurance that it's normal to have blemishes, reassurance that it's normal to age, especially for fucking young kids. A lot of my shit was pointed out where my self-doubt started to grow, was said to me when I was younger, especially in school, because we are so mouldable at that age, and if we spend our whole time in an environment that molds us to crush our fucking spirit, if we spend time in an environment online with the people you hang out with that encourage you to be doubtful of your beauty and your worth? Imagine if we if all we saw online was positive uplifting things. Imagine how differently people would think about themselves. So, at what point, especially if you're an influencer with an audience, at what point do we fucking stop the bullshit and be a positive and empowering impact in people's lives? At what point do we have this responsibility, right? Makes me angry. Something that set me off my fucking rocker the other day, and I actually shared it on my story on my business page. It was like a compilation of all of these beauty trends, right? One of them was a straw that someone had designed that we drink out of to prevent mouth wrinkles. I'm just let that sink in. Another one was this literal headpiece that someone had to wrap around their head so that when they lay down at night their face wasn't pushed up on their pillow, which would eventually cause wrinkles. Like I'm so tired. I'm so tired of worrying about how I look. I'm so tired of seeing other people influence other people about worrying about how they look, what's gonna happen, what's gonna change. Quickly do X, Y, and Z to change it, to slow it down, to to fix it, quote unquote. How dare you age? How dare you have a blemish? How dare you have a fucking wrinkle? I am so tired of it. And this is what comes down to your environment because there are people out there that are changing the narrative, that are also sick of it, that are craving authenticity, we're craving positivity, we're craving, give us some fucking grace to age naturally, to age gracefully. God forbid what is supposed to happen actually happens. You know? This is why controlling your environment is so important. Not only are you surrounding yourself with positive uplifting people, are you surrounding yourself with people that you share similar values with? Are you surrounding yourself with toxic people? Are you surrounding yourself with very insecure people that project? Are you following people online that are bullies, put other people down? Are you following people online that preach self-love and confidence, body positivity? Um, you know, who are you following that is going to trigger either that negative self-critique about yourself, or are you following people that are going to trigger that positive reassurance that you are beautiful just the way you are? Um, and I'd say the best thing to do for you after this is do a fucking audit of your social media. Go into your followers, or even scroll on your for you page or your home page on TikTok, Instagram, wherever you hang out, and what's popping up for you. If you ever come across a video where they're like, oh my god, I freaked out, I'm starting to get lines here, blah blah blah blah blah, like my lips are so small, or you know, I wish my eyelashes were longer, or I'm sick of this, and blah blah blah. Like I just need to keep losing weight and I'll be happy, whatever it is. Notice when those videos are coming up and do something about it. Mute them, unfollow them, block them, whatever you need to do. This is again just a reminder. This is not a judgment of people that are doing it. I just want to have the conversation to raise awareness around where this is going and the impact that it's going to have on not only people that are already adults, but the younger generation. I feel like the younger generation, like Gen Z, and I'm pretty sure there's already a newer generation. I can't keep up. But they are more heavily involved in social media than we as millennials are. And that's saying something. We're like the first generation to be involved with social media. They are more heavily involved. Like, especially with AI, are you kidding me? Like, where is that gonna go? Off track, but you know what I mean. It's like I feel like we have a due due diligence, I can't say that word. We have a due diligence to protect our younger people. I have a younger sister, and I think about this all the time. When I found out she was old enough to go to high school, I freaked the fuck out because I know what my high school experience was, and what's really upsetting with this generation is bullying bullying for older people stopped at school because you could go home and that was your safe haven. Unfortunately, now the environment is not just your four walls, the environment follows you on social media, and people younger, people are getting mobile phones younger and younger and younger, which means they're exposed to social media younger and younger and younger, and they are molded in a toxic way, younger, younger, and younger. So if you have a platform, what are you doing with it? That's all I say is like think about the message that you're putting across. And I think it starts with I acknowledge that if you are getting work done, if you are keeping up with beauty standards, you yourself, for whatever reason you're choosing to may have insecurities or something where your confidence was broken and you feel the need to change yourself, and that makes me sad. And I think the things that you guys can do is just be honest with the work that you've had done and say this is not the be all and end all, this is you don't have to do this to feel beautiful. Just be honest and say, This is what I need to do currently to feel better, based on depends how honest you want to be and open and raw. But people need to know that you don't have to get work done to fit into that box, you don't have to have the same bum as everyone, you don't have to have big lips to feel beautiful, like you don't have to have a small button nose to be beautiful. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just wanted to reassure you guys that you look different for a reason. We're not all like a cut and copy paste of a human being. Everyone has beautiful things about them, and this conversation can go deep. It's just it really is sad. It's sad to watch it. I'm terrified for young people, I'm terrified for people my own age. Like, where does it stop? Where does it start to change? You know, I do feel a change coming online, I really do. But that could be because my environment, who I choose to follow, I feel like there's a change coming, but it could very well be going the complete opposite way, and I wouldn't know about it, right? If you're following people that get work done, it could be a new trend coming where you fucking get full body surgery, you know, and I just wouldn't know because I'm not following people that believe in that. So yeah. Again, not shitting on anyone. A lot of my friends get work done. That's that's what I'm saying. I come from a place of love, like I'm not sitting down and going, you're a fucking idiot. I understand why people want to get work done, but I'm just saying let's have a conversation about it, let's be open and honest about okay, like we acknowledge we do need to get work done to feel better about ourselves. However, what conversations can we have? What work can I do mentally to do something else? Right? Or at least have the conversation to your audience that this is not the be all and end all. Pretty similar to what I've already mentioned, but society tells us what to worry about. Think about it that way. Society tells us what you should be concerned about in your physical appearance. Every day they're coming out. The fucking straw thing, a different straw they bought out to drink your drink so you don't get lip wrinkles. When did we decide that we had to be worried about that? Do you know what I mean? Like, society will always thrust upon us something to worry about, and it's always to do with beauty. I'm sick of it. Someone invent something that embraces imperfections, please. Like, why is that not the thing? Why is the thing always about fitting a mold or fitting a box or looking perfect? Like, I'm exhausted. It's hard work looking this great, guys. It's hard work looking like this. Just kidding. Oh, but honestly, I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it. Be the change that the world needs. Fuck, this is getting deep. Be the change that you would needed to have seen as a small, impressionable child. Be the change, be the positive redirection for this because I'm done. I'm so tired. This conversation is exhausting. Maybe I should get a guest on here that has work done. Because again, I'm not being judgmental. I would genuinely like to hear from their point of view why they get it done. And let's have a conversation about it. If you're listening to this and you get work done, if you have insecurities, even if you don't, let's hear the other side of it. Doors open. Is that a thing? Floors open. Mic is yourself. Message me on Instagram. I would love an open, honest communication with you guys. Happy to come on the pod. It needs to be spoken about. I'm a very open-minded person. But from my point of view, and remember, guys, I'm a I'm a confidence coach. I speak to people every single day about their insecurities, about how worthless they feel. They're afraid to put themselves online in fear of judgment, in fear of rejection. They're afraid to date because they don't look like the models. I'm I'm not even fucking joking. These are conversations I have with people online. So if some of you were like, who the fuck are you to talk about this? I am helping people with this problem. I'm seeing it first hand. I've been through it myself. I understand what it's like not to feel like you look like everybody else. I've been bullied. So my angst and anger and passion about this subject comes from multiple different places, right? Been through it myself, now I want to help other people with it, and I'm sad for people. I want to see change, I need to see change, and I think society does too. I'm very passionate about this topic. I created a whole business about it, right? God damn. Anyway, let's leave it there before it gets nasty. But yeah, if you want to follow the conversation, if you want that empowerment, if you want that positive reach, follow my Instagram. I'm do I'm trying my absolute best to fix mindset, mindset, mindset, mindset, and be a positive influence for people that really fucking need it, okay? And it is neat. Get all the bullshit out. Oh okay. The the notes will be in the description if you want to follow me. Do not have to. Absolutely, if I'm not a cup of tea. If I am, let's be friends. Go. Send me a follow. Message me, let's have a chat. If you're feeling down, if you're feeling insecure, let's have a chat. No pressure. But thank you so much for listening. Honestly, let's carry this conversation. It's so fucking important that we give it a platform. Thank you for tuning in. If you would like to see more, head to the description below to see how else you can hear from me, how else you can learn from me, how we can work together, whatever you need. And I will see you guys next week. Bye.