Sis, where's your self respect?

In this episode, we’re diving deep into self-respect—what it really means, how to spot the subtle ways we’re disrespecting ourselves and how to start showing up differently. 

From people-pleasing and ignoring red flags to breaking promises to yourself, we’re calling it all out (with love). 

Get ready to shift your standards, set stronger boundaries and finally start treating yourself the way you treat everyone else.

It’s time to mean it when you say, “I’ve got me.” 💅🏼✨

- - - - -

Follow me & connect!
instagram.com/jaydedelpupcoaching

Join the Gal's in the Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/634737754099311

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Like in secret, that we're bullying ourselves. We there's no consequences for it because no one can hear it. No one can see it happening. Saying yes when you really want to be saying no, that's disrespecting yourself. Are you calling out this behavior or are you letting it slide? What's up guys? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I am your host, Jade. Thank you so much for tuning in this week! In today's episode, we're going to cover self-respect. We talk a lot about self-love, self-worth, but what about our self-respect? In today's episode, we're getting real about the choices, patterns, and the quiet ways that we may be disrespecting ourselves. And we're gonna talk about how to change that. Take that control of your self-respect. In simple terms, self-respect is showing up in ways that you are protecting your peace, you're in alignment with your values, and you're reflecting and honoring those values. You're honoring your worth even when it's difficult, even in times that it's uncomfortable, even in times that we struggle to have our voice. Self-respect is all about honoring yourself and what's important to you. We need to make the distinction between self-love, which we talk a lot about on this podcast, and then entering the new conversation around self-respect as well. You could say that self-love is, I guess, an emotion. Love being the emotion and the emotion and love we have for ourselves, the ide the ideologies and the understanding we have of ourselves, the connection we have to ourselves, versus self-respect being a behavior. And we say that because behavior is something that we can control. Behavior is something that we can manipulate in a good way and change the patterns and take ownership over that behavior in our life, the behavior being self-respect. So to identify how you respect yourself, like are you currently respecting yourself or are you not? You need to have awareness and reflection of your whole life and go, holy shit, I have not been respectful of myself this whole time. And if you haven't, how can you change it? Or if you are, this episode will be super validating for you to go, yeah, fuck yeah, I respect myself. And I guess the the general census around this, and I want to really remind you guys of this, because if you're on a self-love journey, um, obviously there's gonna be moments where you're not your biggest fan, but we're learning to love ourselves. We're learning to respect ourselves. So I just want to remind you that you don't always have to like yourself, but you do and should have to respect yourself. You know, respect your flaws, respect room for growth, respect that we're not perfect and never will be. Respect the journey and respect yourself. A big reminder. So we've clarified what self-respect is in a way and what it means to us, but let's clarify what disrespect or self-disrespect can look like. We talk a lot about boundaries in my programs, in this podcast, on my social platforms. Boundaries is such a huge part of your self-worth, but obviously self-respect. Self-disrespect can look like saying yes in scenarios when you actually want to say no. And so much goes into that. Let's blow the lid off that, right? Saying yes when you really in your core want to be saying no, that's disrespecting yourself, right? We talk about respect in terms of honoring your values, your boundaries, you know, your ethics, things like that. So, of course, when you're saying no, saying yes to things sorry, when you want to be saying no, of course that's self-disrespect. Letting people ghost and hurt you and manipulate you and, you know, maybe not be the greatest person. They're unaligned with your values and what you value in people, and then letting them return with no consequences, as if something as if nothing ever happened. No conversation or further boundaries were set, no conversation around, hey, I didn't like that. You're a piece of shit. I didn't like how you treated me. Letting people do that to you over and over again, a form of self-disrespect. How many times have you stayed with a partner that constantly cheated on you? How many times have you been with friends that constantly lie and gaslight you and bully you? Right? Are we staying in the same dead end job where they're working us to our bone, dangling carrots in front of us with promise of excelling and promotions, but it never really comes? Are you putting yourself in scenarios over and over again where you're allowing that disrespect to you, to yourself, happen? Another huge flag for disrespecting yourself is putting other needs before your own constantly. Now, a distinction between, you know, being a very selfless person that goes without saying, right? You can be a selfless person, but also have strong boundaries and respect yourself and put yourself first. But I guess the the topic of being a people pleaser and going against your gut and doing things that you're not comfortable with and saying yes when you mean no, things like that is disrespect to yourself. Another one can be in the form of self-criticism. Um, and I guess laughing it off or not making a big deal out of a situation where someone has criticized you in a negative way, like someone that's bullying you, putting you down, gaslighting you, things like that, and you're allowing that behavior to happen, that is self um, self-disrespect. And the self-criticism obviously comes hand in hand when you're in this self-love journey. Of course, you're gonna have that self-doubt. Of course, you're gonna put yourself down, right? We are on this self-worth journey to improve those limiting thoughts and those limiting beliefs. However, I just want you to acknowledge that that is a form of self-disrespect. Another form of self-disrespect can be not keeping promises to yourself. You know, it's interesting that we allow so much shit to happen to ourselves, but we wouldn't do it to other people. We don't put other people down, we don't break promises with other people, uh, we don't criticize other people. So why do we allow it to ourselves? Like it's such a huge red flag for yourself. Like, would you date yourself if you spoke to yourself like that? Do you know what I mean? Like, why is there that such a disconnect that what we allow for ourselves, we don't allow for other people? Like it's crazy. Again, remembering like what goals you set for yourself, what intentions, what aspirations, what boundaries. And another one is self-care. Are you not following through with self-care rituals and behaviors? That is a form of disrespect. Are you not moving your body? Are you not eating clean? Are you not um seeking professional help or at least talking about your feelings when you really need it? Ignoring all of those things to look after yourself, physically, emotionally, spiritually, is a form of disrespect. This is a really good quote that I love actually, that would be pretty cool to bring up here is every time you shrink to make someone else comfortable, that is the ultimate betrayal of your self-respect. Think about that. Let's clarify in terms of what self-respect is versus self-sabotage. So your lack of self-respect can show up as constantly over-apologizing, people pleasing, constantly avoiding hard conversations. You know, last week we talked about really good communication, and a lot of people are passive communicators. You know, they don't want that conflict, they don't want to stand up for themselves, they don't set boundaries for themselves. So we're constantly people pleasing, we're constantly avoiding hard conversations. Self-sabotaging goes hand in hand with lack of self-respect. What sabotaging behaviors are you doing that is a reflection of lack of self-respect for yourself? You know, staying in those misaligned relationships, staying in a job that's leading you nowhere. When we touched on this behavior that we allow that we give others grace, but not ourselves. We criticize ourselves, but not others. We judge ourselves, but not others, things like that. Um, you know, why do we give others the grace but withhold it from ourselves? It's such a such a strange thing. And I think a lot of it is because we have internal dialogue. So we almost get away with it. It's like in secret that we're bullying ourselves. We there's no consequences for it because no one can hear it, no one can see it happening. No one's gonna intervene, us beating ourselves up in the mirror, like metaphorically speaking, because it's all internal, you know. Um, I know if you're in a really good friendship group and you make the comment, oh, I look fat in these jeans, of course your friends are gonna go, don't be fucking stupid, like shut up, you're not fat, blah, blah, blah, and they hold you accountable. But a lot of that negative self-talk is always internal dialogue. So we're bullying ourselves to no end because no one is aware of it. There's no consequences, there's no awareness that it's happening. So of course we're gonna get away with it. No consequences. No one knows it's going on, right? I'm just gonna list a few examples of what I've been through all my life and let me know if any of them you can't let me know, but think about if any of those ring a bell for you. Have you been in this situation before and hand, how did you handle it? You know, I've had friends that constantly cancel on me last minute. Valid, there's always valid reasons, but I'm talking like absolutely does not respect your time, can't be bothered, puts no effort into a friendship. And the self-respect alert would be are you calling out this behavior or are you letting it slide? If you're constantly letting it slide, that is you're disrespecting yourself. Another disrespectful thing can be if you are completely drained, like mentally, physically, um, and you can't show up for people emotionally. Do you honor that capacity and set that boundary? Or are you pushing through to the point where you resent, you start resenting this friend? Through no fault of their own, you haven't communicated or respected your own boundaries that it's too much for you in the moment. So are you, again, that's putting other people first? Being a people plazer, disrespecting your boundaries. And the very real example in terms of the self-care that we spoke about, you know, are you constantly breaking promises to yourself? Do you have a gym routine? Oh, you know, it's a new year, new year, new me. I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna stop eating cakes, I'm gonna, I'm finally gonna quit my job and pursue my passion. Like, how many times have you set these goals and promises to yourself and you're constantly letting yourself down? Would you do that with other people? Probably not. So why are we allowing it for ourselves? You know, these are these little moments where we look back in our life and go, fuck, like I have been a shit friend to myself. I've been a shit partner to myself. The most important person that you're gonna date in your life is yourself. How you treat yourself, how you respect yourself, teaches other people how they can respect and treat you. If you allow yourself to constantly bully yourself and put yourself down, you're probably more likely to allow other people to do it as well. Because it's such a habit for yourself. You're teaching other people that that's okay. So why don't why don't we lead from the front and go, I wouldn't talk about myself like that, so why are you? I love myself, so why aren't you? I respect my fucking self, so you should too. This is my level of acceptance. It's way up here, and yours is down there. Meet me up here, bro. I value myself enough to know that you know you're not worth my time. That's the kind of that's the kind of energy and acceptance you want of yourself. Self-respect, it's not a scale, it's it's a daily choice. Remember self-respect being behavioral. You are constantly going to be faced with scenarios and situations where you are forced to make a decision. Are you going to act in a way that you respect yourself, or are you going to act in a way and make decisions that devalue yourself, disrespect yourself, cross those boundaries, move away from your values, things like that. It is a daily choice to respect yourself. Self-respect is not a skill, remember? We're saying it's a behavioral thing. Setting behaviors and getting used to rituals and patterns in terms of mindset is a skill. We're retraining those neural pathways in your brain to choose positive, to choose self-love, to choose self-respect. So are you choosing the positive side of things in every scenario, in every day, or are you choosing the opposite? Are you choosing to criticize yourself? You're choosing to be a people pleaser, you're choosing to put others before yourself. I also want to make sure, I think a lot of people have this misconception that if you are confident, if you have self-worth, that you're this loud and boisterous and overpowering person where that's not the case at all. You don't have to be loud to be powerful. Quiet self-respect in things like making choices that serve you, setting boundaries assertively, communicating your needs clearly and respectfully, choosing self-care over people pleasing, all quiet forms of self-respect, but they speak volumes. It's not about going out there and marching and fucking demanding shit, which you absolutely can do, but quiet self-respect speaks volumes as well. And it's the small steps that we're building that create the biggest shifts. Start with one decision that is going to honor you. Next time you have something planned, go out there. And actually, now that we've had this chat, you'll be more aware of how you're treating yourself. But you're going out there and thinking you'll be in a scenario coming up now, and you will be faced with the choice. And now that you have the awareness, because we've just spoken about it, you will think differently, you'll reflect differently. And that doesn't mean that you are always automatically gonna choose self-respect because it's hard, it's behavioral. You know, we're working on that self-respect and self-love. But as I teach in my program, awareness precedes change. So now that we have the awareness of I have a choice of self-respect and self-disrespect, which one am I gonna choose? I'm gonna reflect on how I've currently been behaving and showing up, and I'm gonna choose to do it differently. I'm gonna choose to do it better. I'm gonna improve. You have the choice. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. You know, you're like I said in last week's episode, you are writing the manual to other people. You are showing them what you deserve. If you disrespect yourself and you think less of yourself, you are going to attract people that think the same of you. My favorite quote of all time that I live by is you are the average of the five people you hang around. If you are surrounding yourself with people that constantly criticize you, put you down, manipulate you, know all the negative things, of course you're going to be more inclined to think that about yourself as well. You are radiating that energy of criticism and self-doubt and yuck. Like if you bled the energy of self-love and confidence, like I would much rather have those people around me that boosted me up as well. Especially if you're already struggling with self-self-worth and self-respect. You want those reminders around you that are gonna stop you and go, don't call yourself fat. You deserve better than that. Why did you take that? Oh girl, of course. Sorry, I didn't realize you were feeling unwell today. We can absolutely reschedule. Surround yourself with people that are gonna help your self-love journey feel more comfortable and quick. That's what I'm trying to get at. Where in your life are you accepting less than what you deserve? Where in your life are you accepting less than you deserve in the form of self-respect or self-disrespect? And that's it, guys. Thank you so much for listening. If you wanted to find more, if you wanted to have a chat, there's links in the description where you can find me for further opportunities. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll see you guys next week.