Self-Love: Unbothered Edition

In this episode, we’re diving into the real glow-up: learning how to validate yourself instead of constantly chasing approval from others. 

I’m breaking down what true confidence looks like (hint: it’s quiet and consistent), why relying on reassurance keeps you stuck and how to start being your own hype girl. 

If you’re ready to stop waiting for permission and start showing up for yourself—even when no one’s watching—this one’s for you

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Transcript

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Be the one who claps for you even when no one else is clapping. Like don't wait for someone's dusty ass son to teach your brain how it deserves to be treated. So why do we not go? Can't believe that came up. How embarrassing. If course I can do this. What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I am your host, Jade. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. I am super excited. I've been really busy the last couple of weeks designing, and I'm about to launch a new confidence program for my girls, but also for anyone that is open to coming on board for that kind of thing. So stay tuned for the end of this episode to hear a little sneaky update, a little sneaky announcement. I'm super excited for you guys. What has also consumed me this week is a challenge that I took upon myself. I like to say that someone else made me do it, but they definitely didn't. I took this upon myself. Is they challenged me to find my top 10 songs of all time. And my brain went, oh, like per decade, right? Because that's a lot of songs. And she said, no, no, no, no, of all time. And I was like, oh yeah, peace of piss. Went through all of my Spotify playlists that I created myself. And I think I've narrowed it down to about 60. And I have just consumed my whole life every waking hour. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and add a song. I'll get up first in the thing in the morning and go, oh, I forgot to add this song. It's literally consumed my life. And for anyone that's like, uh, Jade, it's not that deep. How dare you? You're not my people. Like, music has such a stronghold on my emotions, of my spirit, of my being. Uh, and every single song throughout my whole life, 30 plus years, has such a special moment in time. So, what do you mean I have to take one off the list? I feel emotionally connected. I feel like I feel bad for that song if I take it off the list. So it's down to 60. I don't know what to trim because there's so many genres I love, like a bit of punk pop, a bit of fucking pop princess, a bit of drum and bass. Like, what do you mean I have to choose? Like, sorry. So I've made it. Maybe I'll give myself the target of top 50, and that's as good as it's getting. So if you guys want to join in the challenge, create your top 10, screenshot it, send it to me on Instagram. The link is in the bio. Jade Delpa Coaching. I need to know that people are also struggling with me. I know my brand and my business is about uplifting and making people feel powerful, but I need people to be struggling with me in this because I feel alone. I need people to message me and go, yes, this is difficult. I'm with you on this, Jade. So if you could go ahead and do that, that'd be great. Thank you. I am also recording this as the sun is going down. And I'm fighting for dear life for sunlight. If you're watching this video, so I probably won't put this part in the video. But if I pull my blinds up, my the the top fast, the top, blind, the top part of my face is black, but then if I like lift it up all the way, I'm blinded by the night. Should we add that to the little pellets? Blinded by the light. I love that song. Anyway, anyway, scratch. Let's get into today's episode before I carry on like a lunatic. So today we're talking about one of the realest forms of confidence. And the kind that doesn't need a crowd, the kind that you don't seeks validation from others, the kind that you are your own biggest self-motivator, you are your own biggest cheerleader, and the kind where you are your own biggest hype girl. I don't want you guys to have to rely on anyone else. I feel like true confidence matters and is measured in those moments where you are by yourself, when you only have yourself to rely on. How do you act? How do you behave? How do you pull confidence out of the bag? Or are you just automatically feeling confident? It's in those moments where you can only rely on yourself where confidence is the most important. That's the kind of level of confidence that I want you guys to get to. To a level where you don't rely on others. You don't seek external validation, you don't seek external praise and reassurance from other people because you get it from yourself. That's the kind of confidence that fucking matters. Real confidence can look like, you know, it's not, it doesn't have to be loud. It doesn't have to be flashy or in your face. It's not about measuring like who's in your corner, who claps for you the loudless loudest, how are you recognized, how in the ranks are you, like social media or at work or anything like that. You know, your true confidence is measured by showing up for yourself when you really want to quit. Showing up for yourself when you feel nervous or are uncomfortable, or showing up for yourself when you only have yourself to rely on. Let's dive into self-motivation over external pressure. So, in those moments where you are alone and you you you really do need that self-confidence and you're looking around, no one's there, you have no one to lean on. You need to understand how to show up when no one's watching. Like confidence is practiced in private when no one's around. Because a reminder, confidence is a skill. And after all these lessons and everything I teach in my business, like it is a skill that we're constantly working on. And you will continuously improve, improve, improve. So that needs to be done in private in the moments that no one can see, in the moments that no one's measuring you or critiquing you or judging you. So, what are you doing in private to boost that confidence so that when you are in front of others, how are you pulling that confidence so that you're relying on your on yourself and feeling confident when it matters? I think a lot of it starts with that inner voice, like your inner critic. And I go really deeply into this in my program, your mindset and your inner critic and how to like silence it or work with it. The first step to everything is just awareness, like having awareness of when those thoughts come up internally, more often than not when we're by ourselves, right? Because we're not distracted by things going around us. So if you find that your inner critic is very critical, it's judgmental, it tends to have those limiting beliefs coming up. You might be saying to yourself, um, you can't do this, you're not good enough, people are gonna judge you, I'm scared of failure, things like that, like really limiting inner critics that are going on for you. It's in those moments in private, in your own mind, where you have to notice them coming up before you can go, oh, I'm being really harsh on myself today, or why am I reacting like this to something? And the more that you develop that skill to silence your critic and turn it from self-sabotaging mindset to optimistic and positive and confident and pride and gratitude, you know, all the positive things that your mind is capable of. If you're practicing that in private and you step out into the world and you're then faced with a situation, you need to resolve it by yourself, but there's people watching. You're pulling on that skill set, you're relying on that bucket of positive mindsets that you have created for yourself to then not rely on anyone else to pick you back up in that moment. That's what you can be practicing in private. To show up in moments where everyone's watching, but you rely on yourself to step up. That's why it's important. I think the biggest tool that you can take away from or school skill set is the difference between self-validation and seeking external validation. That really comes down to how do you show up for yourself in the moments that it matters. Because self-validation is a huge skill and it does take practice, especially if you're someone that often seeks external validation. External validation can look like constantly asking for reassurance, especially in relationships, right? Um, we're constantly looking for praise, we're constantly looking for reassurance. And that is, just to be said, very different to looking for feedback, because feedback's great for growth. But the difference is you don't need to constantly hear that from other people because you already know you're fucking awesome. I already know that I've done a really good job. I already know that I'm worth it. I already know X, Y, and Z. I don't need to ask other people just to make sure, just to reaffirm what I think I know. The difference is like you absolutely already believe that about yourself. So why do you need to just triple check with everybody else? Right? So seeking constant external validation just kills your confidence. It kills your self-worth because that is reinforcing relying on other people for you to feel confident. External validation will only reinforce you being reliant on others to feel worthy, to feel confident about it yourself, to feel good enough. Like who who decided? Like who gets to decide that you are worthy? The only person that should know that is yourself, because you are. You are fucking worthy and you are good enough. So why do we need other people's opinions to tell us that? Why are we waiting for someone else to tell us that we're good enough? We should just wake up knowing and believing that we are. That's the goal for confidence. And I know that's easier said than done. You're like, Jade, that's a whole fucking reason I'm listening to this podcast because I don't believe that about myself. I get it. I totally get it. Like, that's that's what my business is built on. I've got you, I get it. But I just want you to have that visual of that's what you're searching for. Right? You wake up just knowing we don't need that external validation, which is why if we constantly build that habit and build that skill set of internal validation and self-praise, then you're reinforcing how to pull it out for yourself, from yourself, versus, oh, I'm in a moment and I'm feeling a little bit of self-doubt. Who can I ask for reassurance? No, in those moments of self-doubt, you go, oh, I know how to pull myself out from this. And you seek internally for those answers and that validation. That is the difference. I know it's really tricky in the moment to know what to think about or how to remind yourself or what trick to pull out of the bag. But, you know, if you think of it as you have taught your brain how to think this, you have taught your mind how to react in moments like this. And depending on how old you are, you've had X amount of years to install and reinforce this limiting belief of I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, things like that. So of course, now that we're aware of it and we want to start changing it, it's gonna take practice. It's kind of like telling, like you're undoing the skill of learning how to ride a bike. You learn how to ride it for years and you've been riding a bike for years. Now all of a sudden we're going, oh brain, I need you to unremember that. I need you to scratch that skill. We're gonna change it. So, you know, you've already created the neural pathways in your brain to think I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy, or I'm unsuccessful. So, of course, we're gonna break down those barriers and create new ones. And it takes consistency, it takes practice. And you're already doing the right thing by being on this podcast. You're looking for the answers because you know deep down that how you feel about yourself is not good enough. Because you want to feel different, right? So it does take time and it does take practice, it takes consistency, and you're in charge of reminding yourself and creating positive triggers versus negative triggers. So you're in charge of your environment. Who are you hanging around with? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you hearing? What are you seeing? Are all of those validating those limiting beliefs? Uh or are uh or are they all reinforcing that new skill set and new habit of the positive side of things? So one thing you can remind yourself in the moment is what I would say to my friend in this moment? If you heard your friend critiquing themselves, if you had a friend that constantly sought external validation from you, like constantly was seeking praise from you to reassure her that she was incredible, you'd be like, girl, why are you asking me that question? You like, come on, look at you. Like, you are so capable, you are so valuable, you're so worthy. Look at you, look what you've accomplished. So why do we not have that thought pattern in our head when when we have that small feather of doubt inside us that's like, oh, I don't know if I can do this. I'm I'm afraid I'm gonna fail. I don't really think that I'm capable of this. Why do we not go, ooh, I can't believe that came up. How embarrassing. Of course I can do this. Look at what I'm capable of, Jade, you silly bitch. I can't believe you would say that about yourself, right? So let's snip it in the butt when it does come up. You're only human, it is gonna come up. So feel it when it comes up. Acknowledge it, and then go, okay, brain, like thanks for thinking that way for 30 years. However, I've got it from here. Thanks. Like, let's let's try something different. I've learned my lessons with that way of thinking. I've taken on board all those lessons. Now it's time for a change. Now it's time for something different. It's gonna be hard, but let's do it. Take my hand, let's move forward. When you talk about external environments too, and those positive triggers that can be visual, auditory, um, auditory digital, like something you say in your own mind. So if you're quite a visual person, that's why people have vision boards. You could have quotes on your bathroom mirror while you're brushing your teeth. And it's it don't, it doesn't have to be all the corny shit. It's something that really matters to you. It can be super specific to something you're going through. I can fucking go blank for examples here, but um like you are worthy of this promotion or you are worthy of success. Or if you're struggling and nervous to like start a business um and put yourself on camera, it's like you have a beautiful message that people need to hear, or people are waiting for you. That's what I used to say to myself when I was going through all my personal development, like seminars and workshops and things like that. When I was in my early 20s, I started doing it. A lot of the internal dialogue that I was having in these breakthrough moments was like, you like people need you. People are waiting for you, people fucking need to hear what you have to say, right? And that definitely keeps me going because that's what that's what drives me. That's what keeps me passionate, is is helping other people, right? So, what can you put down that's written if you're a visual person or an image? You know, are you doing it for your kids? Are you doing it for your partner? Are you doing it for your mum? Like, who are you doing it for that's gonna reinforce that confidence in you? Um, if it's music, do you have like a certain song or a movie or something that you can play that triggers that thought in your mind? It has to be something that is tied to a positive memory or a positive emotion, something that like makes you feel fucking confident. I always used to watch The Wolf of Wall Street when I worked in sales because every time I would watch it, I would finish and go, fuck, I'm like hungry to make sales. It just, it just pulled that emotion out of me. What do you want to watch or hear or see that's gonna reinforce that for you as like an anchor? It could even be something as simple as like you record yourself in a voice note, or do you have a video of you public speaking, or do you have a video of you giving fucking birth? And it represents a moment in your life that you were like a fucking superwoman. And every time you watch it, you go, whew, if I can get through that, I can do anything, right? Now we need to talk about ways and things to look out for that's gonna create and reinforce the belief that you can be your own hype girl, your own biggest cheerleader. Remember, this is reinforcing that internal self-validation. To be your own hype girl, I think awareness is also key. Like think back and if not, write down moments where you have finished something really hard and you overcame it, even though that you probably doubted yourself in the beginning, or you had this fear that you weren't good enough or you weren't even capable of finishing it or doing it in the first place. Really bring awareness to your brain because they are memories and they have happened. So it's almost like when that doubt creeps in. We're going, uh-uh-uh, brain, remember that one time that you did something similar. And it doesn't have to be the action that you're remembering, it's the belief, the belief that you were capable in that moment and the feeling you had about yourself when you did it, which would be confident and worthy and proud and grateful and whatever other emotions that you want to feel, right? So you're you're saying, hey, Brain, like let's let's can you like remind me of a few things that I've already done that have made me feel confident and made me feel worthy and that I am capable. I think um part of the biggest thing that's attached to being your own hype girl is pride and gratitude, like I keep talking about. I think it's one thing, and and this is really important, is obviously you want to celebrate with people, right? Like tell and tell people you're super excited, you're so proud of yourself that you want to like shout it from the rooftops and talk about it. That is beautiful. Do not let go of that. But it's also, are you actually, upon reflection, are you actually seeking validation in those moments? Or have did you start that process by going, oh fuck, I knew I could do it. I'm so proud of myself. Like this was scary, but I can't believe I've done this. Like, fuck yeah. And then you tell people people about it. It's really important that you don't lose sight of that really important part of overcoming your fears and stepping outside your comfort zone, which is self-praise, self-validation. Because every time you do that, what you're doing is creating those new neural pathways. Consistency creates habit, right? So your brain is learning whenever you do something and you feel X, so confidence or gratitude or pride, your brain will automatically go, ooh, yeah, like self-validate. I feel confident, I feel worthy, versus if your go-to is always like, I think I did a good job. Question mark. Let me just ask someone if they think I did good. Did I do good? Like, are you proud of me? I don't care if you're proud of me because I'm proud of myself, right? That's the difference. We want to, we want to train our brain to um automatically internalize positively when something happens. That's really beautiful. Like we're teaching it to self-validate, self-validate after everything that amazing that happens. And that might not always just be internal chatter. In the beginning, if it's a struggle for you, you actually need to like write it down, maybe. So um, you've just got a promotion or you just left a toxic relationship, or um, you just set a boundary, even though it was scary. Do some fucking journaling. Because like I think there's something I read somewhere about the brain connection from like your thoughts to actually physically writing it down. That's why they say like physical writing journaling is more powerful than typing, because it's just something about like the physical writing. It's almost like you're doing something and locking it in place, like reflecting on it is locking it into place. Like it doesn't count. It's like a relationship if it's not on Facebook. Um, it that action and that confidence doesn't count unless you lock it in after. So, what are you doing to lock it in? Celebrate the emotions, celebrate the feeling. I'm proud of you, I'm grateful we got this far. Look at you go, write it down. Fuck yeah. Today I got the promotion. I knew I could do it. I feel confident. Like, acknowledge how scary it was as well. Like you're teaching your brain, like you're writing a manual for it. When you feel nervous, do it anyway, because look how far you've come, or this is how you will feel after you step outside your comfort zone. These are the benefits that you'll get when you step outside your comfort zone. I also want to talk about the difference between feeling confident when you're winning or when you're successful, versus being a confident person when things are not going right, when things are failing, when when everything's fucking gone to shit. Confidence, it's easy to be confident when you're winning, right? You're on Cloud9, you're of course you're proud of yourself, rah-rah, rah. But confidence is so much more important and feeling worthy in those moments that you probably normally feel like shit and judge yourself. That's the difference. Imagine the example of you go out with your girlfriends, you're all dressed up, you leave, and in the mirror, you're like, damn, I look good. Damn, I look good. Like you've just finished a weight loss challenge, you're super proud of yourself, you hit your goals, and you say to yourself in the mirror before you leave, fuck, I look good. And then you go out. And someone's dusty ass son. Says to you, you're fat, or you don't you're not that pretty? Like says something really fucking horrible, right? In that moment, although I do want to acknowledge would be a blow to your confidence. In that moment, are you the type of person and is your confidence at the level of going, your comments don't fucking bother me? Like I know I'm a queen. Or does it just undo everything you thought about yourself an hour before when you were looking in the mirror? Like, is your confidence and surf self-worth so strong and so internally strong and built? Rock solid that it's like this shield of armor around you. Fucking picture you in those soldier fighting things, like the tin dudes that ride on horses with the stakes. What am I saying? Um, like a tin armor, right? And it's like a confidence armor. And every time someone throws a comment at a negative comment at you or a critique or judgment, it's like pimp, pum, ping, pum, like flies off of you because you're like, your words can't hurt me, bitch. I I know. I know I look good. I know I'm worthy. I know I'm confident. Not only am I not seeking nor care about your opinion, your words don't affect me because I know it's not true. Like, you want to get to that place of confidence. It is such a strong and empowering place to be, and that is what I'm striving for for all of you. Like, what a fucking awesome position to be in. My confidence is so high sometimes that I feel bad for those people. When they insult me, my brain goes, Oh, I hope he's okay. Like, what are you going through? Who hurt you? Who hurt you? What was your childhood like for you to think that that's okay to talk to me like that? That's where my brain goes, but that's a different story. I'm like, are you okay? Do you need someone to talk to? Here's my number. I want you guys to think about what you're doing for your confidence and what you're doing for your confidence in solitude, like when you're alone. Because we remember that confidence grows in privacy. You're doing things, you're practicing, you're going to brain training camp in private. So when no one's validating you, when you're not seeking external validation, you're doing it for yourself, right? So what are you doing for yourself to work on it? Are you getting outside your comfort zone? You know, solo travel, going on dates. Are you setting boundaries confidently and not going back on your word? Um, do things alone. Go to the movies, read a book at a cafe. You know, don't rely on other people to make you happy. Although that's a bonus. The whole point of being human is connection. It's on the top five needs of the human pyramid. But I want you to go out into the world being your own fierce, confident, empowering woman. So that anything else that happens to you, anyone else that gives to you is just a cherry on top because you don't need anyone to feel confident and worthy, you get that from yourself. So go out, like do it for yourself first. It's almost like you're teaching your brain what it deserves. Because if you don't talk to yourself positively, if you don't give yourself self-validation and praise and confidence and love, and you go out there and seek it from others, like you haven't set the standard of what you deserve or what you expect because you don't do it for yourself. Like, don't wait for someone's dusty ass son to teach your brain how it deserves to be treated. Like go out on a date already thinking, I wouldn't talk to myself like that, so why are you? A good indication is like, do you feel differently about yourself when you're by yourself or like when you're with your friends or your partner or when you're dating or you're around other people in general? Because it should be the same. Should be the same. Teach yourself how you want to be treated. I guess to wrap it up, a little reminder that confidence not only is a skill and something that you need to consistently work at, it's a relationship with yourself. So if you think of confidence and self-love, it is a measure of how you see yourself and your own relationship with yourself. So work on your own relationship with yourself first. Build that up, be confident and strong about that before you even bother with what other people think about you. Because the only person's opinion that matters about you is your own. Be the one who claps for you even when no one else is clapping. Be your own biggest cheerleader. I'm gonna leave you with that, my loves. Hopefully that was inspiring. My um new program is coming. I want to give you guys a little treat. So if you head to my Instagram page, Jade Dellpup Coaching, it is in the comments below. I have left you guys a little treat. It is called the Five Secrets to Explode Your Confidence. So if you jump in there now, click the link, fill out your deets, and I will send you a copy. It's something to kind of get you going. It's the first step in your confident and worthy journey. And I want to be the biggest cheerleader for you as well. I want to hold your hand, I want to celebrate you. Most importantly, I want to teach you how to do it for yourself. So if you would like that fun little for a re download, head to Instagram, click the link, and let me know your thoughts. Let's connect. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. I'll see you next time. Bye.