The year you choose yourself

What if this was the year you stopped abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable?

In this episode, we’re diving into what it really means to choose yourself, and why it’s not selfish, dramatic or “too much.” 

We’re talking boundaries, self-validation, letting people be disappointed and breaking the people-pleasing patterns that have kept you stuck. 

If you’re tired of over-giving, over-explaining and waiting for approval before making decisions, this is your loving wake-up call.

This isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about finally standing beside yourself instead of leaving yourself behind.

Make this the year you choose you. 💫

- - - - -

Follow me & connect!
instagram.com/jaydedelpupcoaching

Join the Gal's in the Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/634737754099311

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Wake Up Worthy, the podcast that feels like a friend who hikes you up and tells you the truth. I'm your host, Jay, and this is your one-stop shop for confidence, empowerment, relationships, and all things us gals are secretly overthinking at 2am. So grab your coffee, girl, get comfy, and let's yap our way into the most confident worthy version of you. Because, babe, you didn't just wake up. You woke up worthy. What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. Happy 2026. I am coming into this year with tattooed brows and tickets to Hillary Duff. How bloody good. What a good start to the year. I hope everyone had such a wonderful finish to 2025. Mine was a bit topsy-turvy. I um hit some big milestones in business, but unfortunately, the ending of the year was shit. I lost my granddad. I had been dreading this day my whole entire life. Um, and oh, emotional. Uh, he was the first person that I lost that was super, super close to me. Like I'd been to quite a few funerals in my lifetime, but no one that was very, very close to me. So that one was a big hitter. Obviously, unfortunately, grandparents don't live forever. But um, yeah, it was a very emotional, shitty end to a very good year, I'd say. But yeah, this year, trucking along, the whole Hillary Duff ticket shenanigans, uh, they went live when I was in the middle of a meeting with some some girls, and thank God they understood. Cause like in the middle of the meeting, I was like, guys, hold the fort. I like pulled it up on the screen, and we all they helped me buy tickets and it was a big catastrophe because I didn't have a the link that the the place was supposed to send. And oh my god, it was a nightmare. It was so stressful. And unfortunately, the meeting was on Google Meets and it transcribed the whole thing and spat out a summary at the end and said, in clear writing, Jade did not successfully secure tickets to the Hillary Duff concert. Thank you for the reminder, Google. Appreciate it. Rub my trauma wound in. Anyway, this episode, drum roll, first one of 2026, is the year you choose yourself. If you haven't been already, where the fuck have you been? Welcome to the podcast. Uh, this podcast is all about reminding you to do that and giving you the skills and the tools and the, I guess, the empowerment and support to do that. So why not start the year with some points and some big things you can take away and just write it on your wall, why not write it on your mirror, say it to yourself. This is the year, babe. This is the year you choose yourself. So I want to talk about what choosing yourself actually means. Because if you have low self-worth, if you doubt yourself a little bit, maybe low confidence, but choosing yourself or the term choosing yourself for some people can come across as like a selfish act. You know, we think many of you that are feeling down about yourself, you think that it's selfish, right? You think that it's cold. It means that you don't care about others if you choose yourself, or, you know, if I put myself first, I'll lose people in my life. That's some of the thoughts and connotations that are associated with the saying or the phrase, I'm gonna choose myself, which is all not correct, by the way. I'm here to give you guys permission, even though I get you guys away from external validation. I'm I'm giving you permission and I'm getting you to say out loud and acknowledge out loud that none of that is true if you choose yourself. So we know what choosing yourself can mean for some people. And I just want to clarify, it's it's not ignoring people. It doesn't mean that you become harsh and completely, you know, cut people off and you're unavailable to anyone. Uh, and it doesn't make you self-centered. Okay, I just wanted to clarify that for everyone in case you were having those thoughts. What is it though, Jade? You know, this is the year of choosing ourselves. What does that mean? What it actually means in a positive light for you. Okay, it means that you're actually paying attention to your needs, you're listening to what you need emotionally, physically, spiritually. You're not abandoning yourself or putting others first just to keep the peace or to make others happy. Okay, a lot of that people pleasing and um external validation means more often than not that you're not choosing yourself, right? You're not actually making decisions that align with your values and who you are as a person, um, and definitely not prioritizing your emotional well-being, which is what we should be doing. That is what choosing yourself is. It's it's tuning into what you actually need and then acknowledging and going ahead with that, right? Now I mentioned people-pleasing patterns. So huge in people that don't choose themselves is the tendency to be a people pleaser, right? We're putting ourselves second or last in most cases because we have developed ourselves in patterns and belief systems that we don't matter, but we're too scared to matter, we're too scared to say what's on our mind or what we really need or advocate for ourselves. So we put others first. And that means that we are people pleasers. Um, and what what people pleasing can mean, or how you might actually resonate with being a people pleaser. How do you know that you're a people pleaser, right? I might say some of these and you go, Oh, is that being a people pleaser? Yeah, babe, because unfortunately you probably do have some of these behaviors and thoughts, and you just think that that's normal. And that's really sad because you are so accustomed and tuned to being a people pleaser that you're like, oh, I just I function at this level. I exist in the world as this person. And until someone actually goes, hang on a minute, like that's not how you should be operating. That's being a people pleaser, that's not putting yourself first, then you feel like the emotional weight of that, the physical stress and weight of going, oh, that's pretty tiring, actually, now that I think about how I've been operating in the world up until this point. So if any of this sounds familiar to you, you are not putting yourself first and you're probably doing a bit of people pleasing in your life. Um, you can be quite high functioning, but dependable on people as well. Like maybe some people see you as the strong one. And is that because you're strong, or is that because you're not really talking about what you need or asking for help, or you know, you're always too concerned about everyone else, so you put your own needs to the side. There's nothing in place to look after you. Okay. Always the emotionally supportive friend, but no one's ever helping you because you don't talk about it. You don't ask for what you need. Always explaining or over-apologizing. How many times do you say something or um you do something and it's very quickly followed up with an apology or explaining why you're taking up space or explaining why you've done something. Instead of just owning your sentence or owning your action because you're coming from a place of like, yes, this is what I need, yes, this is what I deserve. It's like, I'm gonna try and put myself out there, but in case anyone thinks that it's not okay, I'm gonna quickly back it up with, sorry, do you mind if I say this or sorry, do you mind if I do that, or just letting you know this is why I did it. It's almost like you take that first step of putting yourself first and then you completely backtrack by being like shy about it and uncertain, right? And obviously, this comes with um, it's very draining. You can feel overwhelmed at times and definitely the anxiety of disappointing people. Am I making the right choices? Am I saying the right thing? Like, imagine going about your life with every thought, every decision, every emotion is just filled with doubt. Like, was that right the right thing to say? Was that the right thing to do? Fuck. And then you spend so much time and energy replaying the situations over and over, wondering if it's the right thing to do. Whereas what would make you feel more empowered and confident is just fucking owning everything you're saying and doing. Own your shit and know that it's right because what you're doing is based off of being in complete alignment with yourself. You know that's what you need, so you're confidently asking for it. You know that's the action you need to take. So you do it fucking unapologetically. That's the difference. People pleasing often comes from a place of fear of rejection or of fear of conflict. Like I'm too scared to voice my opinion or ask for what I need in case the other person doesn't give it to me, or in case the other person leaves, or perhaps disagrees with what I'm saying, right? And and there's a difference between having really strong communication and conflict, right? You should still be able to have the confidence to communicate your needs and what you what you need and what you want to say without the fear of it completely going haywire. Therefore, you just never say anything. You're in this like confined bubble and space your whole entire life because you're too scared to ask for what you need. Okay. And obviously, what we've learnt on this podcast and and my programs and everything is it always comes from a place of conditioning, like childhood patterns. And it may not have been traumatic, it's just really subtle ways. It can be really subtle ways that you have been conditioned to not speak up when you need something. Or, you know, unfortunately, children are often seen but not heard, right? And that unfortunately develops into adult life as well. And you it's almost like you crave validation in the world and you crave being seen and heard. And sometimes the only way to do that or put yourself in that position to feel seen and heard is wanting to feel worthy through usefulness. And sometimes that comes across as you helping everyone else, but not yourself. Right? You think that you're useful and worthy if you just I'm not um what's the word I'm looking for? I'm not problematic because I don't say anything. So maybe people will like me if I'm not problematic. Right? Maybe people will like me if I don't always have an opinion. Fuck that. Say how you feel, right? And I know for a lot of us, if we're people pleasers, you know, you probably have those ongoing thoughts of if I just keep everyone else around me happy, then I'll I'll be loved or I'll be accepted. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

And that's huge flags that you're probably being a people pleaser.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

So something else that we're gonna commit to in the year that we are choosing ourselves is boundaries. This is where it gets a little bit practical, okay? And I know jumping from being someone that's a people pleaser to setting a boundary can feel like a huge fucking gap, a huge leap. Like, hang on a minute, I'm going from speaking what I need to actually setting something in place and setting a boundary. What? Like, where are the skills in between? It's okay, got you. Um, and for some of us that have never set boundaries before, we we think we have this idea of what a boundary is and and we think it's putting a wall up, giving people ultimatums or even punishments. And I just want to make you certain that that is absolutely not what a boundary is. Okay, thinking in the context of putting yourself first, boundaries are just giving people clarity, right? Just communicating very well what you will and won't tolerate, what what kind of respect you're looking for. That's all it is. You're just providing people with clarity. Boundaries are really good if you don't know people as well. Not everyone operates the same, not everyone's comfortable with the same things, not everyone values the same things. That's why boundaries are so fucking important because they're a big part of building relationships. Like, oh, I'm sorry, like I didn't realize I stepped over the line. No worries. I understand that's your line or that's your boundary, right? And you don't, people don't know what your boundaries are unless you communicate them. Boundaries are very, very big for self-respect. If you're not setting boundaries or communicating what you need clearly, it's it's very clear that you're not respecting yourself. You don't value yourself enough to put some guidelines in place for people. Like, here's my manual of how to respect me, read it. That's what a boundary is, right? And you owe it to yourself as an emotional responsibility to set boundaries for people. Because uh, what frustrates me a lot, and I am gentle with this, is some people don't know how to communicate or they struggle to communicate. Um, but what frustrates me about this for some people is they expect people to know everything about them. They expect people to know their boundaries and what they do and don't like, and you know, but they have never ever communicated it. Like we can't read your mind. And like I just said, everyone is so different in what they need and what they want. And if unless you tell me that and I haven't known you for fucking 30 years, I'm not gonna know that. I've just met you. Do you know what I mean? So that's that's why communication is so important, not only for yourself, so that you are helping people understand you and what you need and what you like, but also just like in your career, in the workplace, in your friendships, in your romantic relationships, right? With your family. It's just so important to communicate your boundaries. Boundaries don't have to be a huge thing. It can even be like day-to-day, even with yourself as well. Like set boundaries with yourself. Um, just some examples, obviously, uh for a lot of us that have friends, maybe some of us are introverted, some of us are just working really hard and we might get super exhausted by the end of the day. Saying no to plans when you're exhausted. That's a boundary. Like, how many of us get home and we feel guilty? I hate that word. We feel guilty for saying no. Like, I'll just go do it anyway, because I want I want to make that person happy. But you are not okay. Like, you need a break, right? That's not respecting yourself, that's not putting yourself first. So we're gonna stop doing that. Okay, stop overexplaining your decisions. There's no need to over-explain your decisions, that's boundaries, right? Leaving a draining conversation. This is a big one, and I actually put this in place this year.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Uh really difficultly, if that's a word. Difficultly. Difficultly. Is that a word? I'm gonna Google that. Difficultly. It is. Woo!

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Um there has been, I'm a very patient person, and I am normally the person in all my friendships that's like the go-to friend when shit goes fucking crazy because I'm very happily there to support my friends emotionally, physically, whatever they need. But I'd noticed with uh a couple of friends in particular that it was such a pattern for them in their life uh that it kept happening year on year. And I was, I had created that safety net with them, that they had always just come to me for their problems, but never did anything about their problems. I was almost like their dumping ground because they were not willing to make the change in their life. And I had only just realized last year, after being friends with this person for a very long time, that their problems were unfortunately really starting to impact me mentally, like mental health-wise, emotionally. I was very physically drained, emotionally drained. Um, and of course, it's always seeing hard seeing your friends going through stuff. But if you just become the dumping ground and then they continue the same patterns, it's uh it's not great. So I acknowledged that to myself and was like, okay, well, I'm in a a rock in a hard place here because I really want to be there for my friend. I love and care about them, but this is not great for me. Like it was starting to affect my moods and my um just everything, like my energy. I was like, fuck, I just I feel depressed all the time listening to this. So I had to, you know, put some boundaries in place. And I made it clear that look, I will always, always be here for you if you absolutely need me to, but I'm just need to put a boundary in place. And if you're I'm like what happens in your relationships is no longer my business. Like I'm not gonna tell you what you shouldn't, shouldn't do in your life. You're an adult. So if you choose to stay with this person, you choose to continue this, like that's on you, go for goal. But I don't want to hear about it. I don't want you to call me and complain about your relationship because I can't go through that emotional turmoil with you and then um the next day see you partying with them. So that was a really hard experience for me, but a big, important lesson. And I put that boundary in place. And you know what? Out of sight, out of mind. And that's not to be a bad friend. Remember, we go back to what I explained at the start of the episode that setting boundaries and like putting yourself first does not mean that you're cutting people off, doesn't mean that you're a bad friend, right? You just have to come to that realization that I'm putting my own mental health and sanity first in this situation. I will absolutely always be there for you. But you need that also prompts people in your life to make better decisions. Because it's like, where's the consequences to your actions, babe? If you just dump all your shit on me and then continue living the way you are. Do you know what I mean? So that was a big lesson and a fucking great example of what setting a boundary can look like. Obviously, that was a very hard boundary, but um, since putting that boundary in place, great, I'm not not having like a difficult mindset every day. I guess it when you actually start setting those boundaries as well, people who benefited from your lack of them may react. And that doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. It can go two ways, like maybe it will not be the best for the other person, or maybe it will tick something inside of them to go, oh, get them thinking about some stuff as well, right? So we need to stop self-blaming and feeling bad and feeling guilty for putting ourselves first. Okay. I think putting ourselves first, a big one that I want you guys to start thinking about is let people be disappointed. Huge. Let people be disappointed. Okay. Most of us don't fear conflict. Uh, fear being seen as like too difficult, or I'm selfish, or I'm maybe this makes me unkind, or a bad friend, or maybe I'm dramatic. People being disappointed is not the same as you rejecting them or being a bad friend. And the discomfort of um putting yourself first, especially if you're new to it, it's not the same as you doing anything wrong or or causing anything or any any intentional harm to people, right? And that's what I think we need to get out of our head to make it easier for us to um put ourselves first. If someone does become disappointed from you putting yourself first, which, you know, a good friend, good friend, good partner, good family should support that as long as it's communicated in a good way. If someone is disappointed, take it. It's like, oh, cool, that means I've actually said no to something. So little whim, like obviously the goal is not to disappoint people, but the if their reaction is disappointment, it means something has changed. It's completely changed. The pattern's different now. They're so used to coming to you and you being quiet and you just like being the dumping ground or whatever situation you're in. If if there is disappointment and there is change, it's a sign that you've said no, it's a sign that you've chosen growth, it's a sign that you've changed from being misaligned with something and then becoming aligned with something. Does not mean that you made the wrong choice. Change will always come with discomfort. And you just have to be willing to step into that new environment, new scenario, new feeling, new emotion, right? And then go with it and develop that space more than the space that was not serving you in the first place. You know, more times than not, they've actually preferred the version of you that was easier for them. I want you to think about that. Is it your partner, your family, a friend, someone in the workplace? If you being a people pleaser and you not putting yourself first is easier for everyone else, that's not the kind of people that, you know, you want to be around. You want to be around people that respect you putting yourself first. Like, hell yeah, I totally understand that you're not okay and you need to stay home tonight. No problem. I just want you to consider that as well. Are you aligning yourself with people that are encouraging you to be a shallow version of yourself, right? Like, do you have people in your life that are like, get back in your box? What do you mean you want to try and set a boundary with me? That's not the type of people we want to be around. Okay? You're allowed to disappoint people if. It means that you're not disappointing yourself. You're allowed to disappoint people as long as you're not disappointing yourself. Another one, how we're going to put ourselves first. 2026. Self-validation over approval. I ram external validation stuff down your throats in this podcast because it is such a huge detriment to your confidence and your self-worth. Okay. What we're not going to do this year is wait for applause, wait for reassurance, wait for confirmation, right? We're not going to wait for people to go, yes, you're doing the right thing, or yes, you should do that. Because choosing yourself, what that's going to look like differently this year and ongoing is doing the action and the behavior before there's applause. We're going to do it before. We don't need that initial, yes, good job. Okay. We're going to trust our gut without external proof. I want you guys to really think about your life up until today and tricky situations you've been in socially, and I mean like relationships, family, workplace, whatever. How has seeking approval or like external validation, how has that actually kept you stuck? Have you been wanting to start a business for fucking ages? And you're like, oh, will people like me? Am I gonna say the right thing? You know, will this even work? Will people take me seriously? Have you wanted to speak up in a friendship when something's really been hurting you and you feel like you're being taken advantage of? Right. And and you kind of contemplate on how to say it or what to say it. Have you actually not have you held back from saying anything because you're afraid of what they might say or what will happen from your words? Trusting your gut, trusting your word, and forcing yourself to be in alignment with what you truly need, that's what's gonna build your confidence. Okay. And silence from other people in those scenarios or change in scenarios, again, reminder, does not equal failure. It doesn't. Change is uncomfortable, but it's gonna happen. That confidence, you have to keep practicing, and it's going to come from validating and putting yourself first. That's it. Okay. And on that, the growth that comes from putting yourself first, man. The only way to get to know yourself and to be a better version of yourself is to do things differently than you've always done. If you are not a confident person. There is no point doing the same things over and over again, just hoping, wishing, and waiting and wanting that one day you're just gonna wake up and go, woo! Like I value myself. I'm a confident person now. No, we need to stop the behaviors and stop the patterns that have gotten us to the point of being this self-doubt-ridden version of ourself. Okay. Growth and developing yourself will sometimes cost you comfort because we have to get outside our comfort zone. It's gonna cost you familiar familiar. Being familiar with things. I can't say that word, familiar. But familiar, wow. It's gonna cost you brain cells, apparently. You guys know what I'm saying. Wow. It may cost you certain relationships and you will no longer be seen as the easy one. But who the fuck wants to be the easy one? What a terrible reputation to have. Hang around Jade because she's quiet and easy to deal with. No thanks. But what approval will get you is your true identity, like who you truly feel like you want to be and probably are at your core. It's like screaming to come out because you're suppressing it for so long, right? You get your voice and you get long-term happiness as well as that true inner alignment yourself.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Are you guys actually living to be approved? Like are you making decisions every day to seek validation?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Or are you trying to live a life to feel more confident, more worthy, and in alignment with who you truly are? So I want you guys to really contemplate how you've been showing up in your everyday life up until you've just heard all of this. Okay. I want you to move from I feel guilty for wanting more to I feel guilty for wanting to put myself first to I'm allowed to want more. I deserve more. I deserve to be heard, seen, I deserve to not feel compressed in a box, but to shine the way that you deserve. And I want you to choose yourself this year. Even if you pick one of the things that I've said, is it boundaries? Is it stopping seeking external validation? Communicating what you actually need or feel in the moment. Pick one if it's hard to do all of it. Remember, we're not going to wake up tomorrow and be like, cool, I heard that one episode, now I'm worthy. Even though I told you you woke up worthy, you did. Everyone wakes up fucking worthy. But I just need you to believe that every morning. And to actually feel and believe that within yourself, you need to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. Okay. You need to genuinely believe that. And to do that, you need to do the actions that are going to prompt your brain to go, fuck yeah, I'm worthy. Fuck yeah, I feel confident. Yeah, I said that. Do you have a question? Right? Instead of should I say it? Or then say it and apologize, right? Huge difference. Like back yourself. Okay. Some things that you can take away from this episode. So I really, if you've already been thinking about different scenarios, if these um tools have prompted a memory for you and you go, shit, yeah, I did that. Okay. Moving forward, or if you want to reflect further, I want you to consider where you've been abandoning yourself to avoid discomfort or conflict. Who would you be if you weren't afraid of disappointing people? Oof, that's a big one. Big one. And I can say all this from experience. I didn't come out the womb. Actually, I did come out the womb worthy. It's just things along the way deteriorated my worth for myself, right? So let's get back to womb. Let's get back to the womb. Oh my god, where am I going with this? What does the version of you look like that shows up unapologetically and doesn't apologize, doesn't be afraid of wanting to disappoint people. And another question, what what decisions have you been avoiding because you're waiting for approval? Or what conversations have you been avoiding because you're afraid of what will happen? And take it really small steps so it feels achievable for you. So what can you do this week or even today? Take it day by day, but this week, what does choosing yourself look like this week? And think about it. Is a decision with someone? Is it communicating differently? Is it setting a boundary? Like, what is it for you this week that actually represents you choosing yourself and putting yourself first? So this isn't about becoming someone new. You are already who you need to be. We just need to shed that armor of doubt. We don't want to be in this protective, closed-off space of like being afraid of everything. Okay, we're gonna break free from that shit. Okay, so it's not about like becoming someone new. You are who you are. You're a beautiful fucking person inside and out. I just need you to believe that about yourself, okay? So it's about finally standing beside yourself instead of leaving yourself behind. Okay. And I want you to make this year your year. So stop being everything for everyone and start being everything for you. You come first. That's it. Some big takeaways. Write some of those questions down if you want to journal. All right. I will see you guys next week. Bye. Okay, gorgeous. That's a wrap on today's episode of Woke Up Worthy. If this spoke to you, don't forget to follow the pod, hit that bell, and drop a five-star review so more gals can find this space too. If you're needing some extra support, confidence tools, and maybe some behind the scenes goodies. Tap the link in the description to connect with me and join the community. Until next time, babe, don't forget, choose yourself. Back yourself. And more importantly, remember you wake up worthy.