Are you confident or cocky?

Have you ever held yourself back because you didn’t want to come across as “too much” or worse, arrogant? 

In this episode, we’re breaking down the difference between confidence and arrogance and why so many women have been taught to shrink themselves to stay likeable.

We dive into what confidence actually looks like, why arrogance is often rooted in insecurity and the real reason you feel scared to fully show up as yourself. If you’ve been downplaying your wins, second-guessing your voice, or dimming your energy to make others comfortable this is your permission slip to stop.

Because being confident doesn’t make you arrogant, it makes you self-respecting.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi guys. Future Jade here editing this podcast. And for some reason, during my podcast, my audio input switched to my phone instead of my proper microphone. And I don't know what the hell happened, but forgive me if the quality is shit trying to work on it for you. But I'm confident I'm gonna get this done. Welcome to Wake Up Worthy, the podcast that feels like the friend who hypes you up and tells you the truth. I'm your host, Jay, and this is your one-stop shop for confidence, empowerment, relationships, and all things us girls are secretly overthinking at 2am. So grab your coffee, girl, get comfy, and let's yap our way into the most confident, worthy version of you. Because babe, you didn't just wake up. You woke up worthy. What's up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. How is everyone's week going? I am feeling really good this week. I've been on like a little health kick since the start of January. Uh, just when I say health kick, I just I want to be more conscious about my health and what I'm putting in my body, what I'm doing to my body. Um, and it's felt really good to just be eating a lot more clean, just to be eating better. But I've just been like really consistent with my training and everything as well, and it is paying off. I feel I feel a lot better, like energy-wise, movement-wise. Obviously, I feel like really proud of myself. I've um lost a little bit of weight, but have maintained my muscle, which is always great news. Uh, but just like the, you know, when you just know that you feel like shit from eating like shit and not moving, and you just like feel like a bit of a slump or a slob. I was definitely feeling that. And I was like, oh, God knows what's going on in my inside my body, you know, like just wasn't great. So it's like, let's switch this. Um, my partner and I do want to start trying for babies soon as well. So trying to be as healthy as we can for that. So that is a big motivator of mine just to like stay healthy and stay motivated and look after myself a little bit more. So yeah, feeling good. It's good, it's good. Okay, in today's episode, I want to go into the difference between confidence and arrogance. Like confidence or the people that are just, they're just like kind of full of themselves, they're cocky, you know. What is the difference? What does it mean? So, for those of us, I think a lot of us are potentially scared to be a little bit confident or scared to uh praise ourselves or speak highly of ourselves because we have this fear that we may come across arrogant. Like, how many of us downplay our wins or we're very quietly humble because we don't want anyone to be like, you're so full of yourself? This is what's holding us back. We're confusing confidence with arrogance. Very different things, okay? So instead of actually owning your power and stepping into your power and being really proud of yourself and talking about your achievements, which is so good to do, we like shrink back into a box and go, oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna really talk about it because then I'll come across as if I'm being arrogant or like up myself or full of myself, right? I wanted to put this episode out there today because I want you guys to understand the difference so that you can actually stop holding yourself back and start showing up fully without the guilt, which is one of the most important parts, right? A lot of us are really proud of ourselves, but quietly, or maybe we don't know how to show that we're proud of ourselves, or even feel that we're proud of ourselves because we live in fear that people are gonna judge us for being confident. So let's clear some stuff up for you guys. So I do want to clarify for you guys what confidence is. Okay. So confidence is the ability to trust yourself, giving yourself respect, self-awareness, but being secure in who you are, right? Especially without needing external validation. And the part about being secure in who you are means that generally you're you're proud of yourself. Like you're you're proud of the person that you are, the person that you've become. Confidence doesn't necessarily always have to be loud, right? It doesn't need to prove anything. We're not needing to talk about it because we need, like we're looking for reassurance or external validation. So it can be quiet because we know who we are. At the same time, for someone that is really proud of themselves, they will have the ability to talk about their accomplishments. And it's almost like they hold themselves differently and they show up differently because pride can be seen in people as well, just by the way that they hold themselves. But that is still a part of confidence and pride without being arrogant. So let's dive into what arrogance is. Okay, like breaks and myths here. So most of the time, arrogance, or if you for if you meet an arrogant person or if they're coming across quite arrogant, they're normally they're normally rooted in insecurities, right? They are normally very insecure people. They are needing to prove superiority. Important word there, superiority. Normally, arrogant people put others down to feel like they're better than them. So confidence is the ability to not need to outshine anyone else because they know they have that self-awareness within themselves that I've got this. Doesn't matter what anyone else has got going on, doesn't matter what anyone else looked like or has accomplished, whatever. I'm just confident and at peace with who I am and proud of myself no matter what. Arrogant people, they may have their insecurities triggered or anything. Like, you're kind of at my level. I need you to get back down because I can't shine if you are also up here with me. That's when arrogant people feel like they're being confident, but you're actually putting other people down to feel above them. They always are seeking external validation from comparison, like comparing themselves to other people. A lot of the time you'll have like a group of people in a room. Um, perhaps the very confident person is just talking about how proud they are that they maybe got a promotion network or something. And the arrogant person is like, well, I'm not having none of that. Like, how dare they take away from the attention on me, right? So it's like, oh, well, you know, I also got a promotion, but you probably only got the promotion because you they felt sorry for you or something like that, right? Like they'll try to take away from someone else in the room. Uh, because arrogance isn't too much confidence. It's actually the lack of it, right? You can never have too much confidence. I want you guys to understand that there's no such thing as being too confident. It's only when they um are mentioning or behaving in the ways that I mentioned. They're constantly seeking approval or they're putting other people down in the hopes that they will then feel confident. That's just being fucking arrogant, right? Confidence is I'm good, proud of who I am no matter what. Arrogance is I'm better than you. That's where that comparison comes in. Okay. So remember that someone that actually doesn't have confidence and has a low self-belief will have almost like a fake confidence. They're putting others down around them to hopefully then feel better than, right? That is how you can kind of determine the difference. Arrogance is also very deeply rooted as a defense mechanism. It's almost like a way of them defending themselves and their fragile self-worth. Um, I can't let anyone see how actually insecure I am. So I have to put others down to make me look better, right? If I act like I'm above you, you can't actually reject me or you can't see that I'm not confident because I've just established all the reasons why I'm actually better than you. So it doesn't make sense that you put me down because you're worse off than I am. That's the fucking energy that comes off of an arrogant person. And again, arrogance isn't too much confidence. It's just their insecurities trying to stay in control. A really, really powerful line: stay in control. Someone that is arrogant is often trying to have so much control over the narrative of how people view them. Like this absolute fear of there's no way I can be vulnerable. There's no way that I can let people see that I'm actually not confident or I don't actually worthy, I don't value myself a lot. So I have to give off this yucky, like forced, I say confidence in like quotation marks because it's not confidence, it's like a fake confidence. I'm putting you down so I feel good about myself. That that confidence and that self-validation is not coming from them. They are feeling a fake sense of confidence by putting others down. That that's their feeding off of other people's insecurities so that they feel better about themselves. There actually are really subtle ways that people can come off as arrogant as well. This is a good to know because it's not always loud or obnoxious. I know some of you when um we go, oh yeah, he was he was a fucking arrogant piece of shit. We probably have someone in mind that springs to mind straight away when we think of someone who's arrogant. But I want you to start picking up on the differences. Maybe they're not like in your face arrogant, but people that always need to be right. Perhaps they struggle to receive feedback. They are constantly comparing themselves to everyone else. They feel very threatened by people who are actually confident. That is a very big one, right? Anyone that dismisses other people's success and then overcompensating. So they are constantly trying to like remind everyone, hey, just in case you forgot, I'm really confident, right? Like they take every opportunity they can to be like, yeah, remember I'm really good at that, or remember how fucking good I was when I did that, or how good I look, and blah, blah, blah. Even multiple times in the same bloody conversation. Like it's it's excessively talking about themselves and trying to overcompensate because they absolutely fear that you had a different idea of themselves in that person's mind. Like they constantly creating this picture-perfect image of themselves in other people's minds. So confidence is where you're celebrating others, you are able to admit mistakes, you listen, you don't need to prove anything. But most importantly, confidence comes from within, right? It doesn't matter how everyone else around you is, what they look like, what their successes are. Confidence is never about comparison. Key thing here. Confidence is never about comparison. It comes from within. Whereas arrogance, they're gonna constantly compete with people. They deflect or avoid accountability. They need to be seen as better than everyone. They talk a lot of people down, they put a lot of people down. And you'll also see them talking at people, not with them. So I really want people to reframe this, that have this fear of I just I feel like I'm really proud of myself, but I can't talk about it because then people will think I'm arrogant. It's like, no, I promise you're not. I promise you you're not arrogant. There's no such thing as too confident, okay? You're either really confident and proud of yourself, or you're riddled with insecurities and you're being fake confident by putting other people down. Huge difference. Um, you just fear that you're gonna be seen as arrogant. I want to dive a little bit further into this fear that we have as being seen as too much. I did speak about it, I can't remember if it was last week or the week before, of um, you know, we as women struggle to kind of put ourselves out there. Am I too vulnerable? Am I too emotional? Do I talk too much? Like there's just so much pressure on us to be like, I don't even know what version are we up to in 2026 that people want us to be. So we are conditioned, whether it's from society or we've talked ourselves into it in our own head, we want to, we want to be liked, we want to be agreeable, we want to be humble, we don't want to go against the grain, right? Which means maybe sometimes we we can be called bossy or intimidating or full of ourselves or uh too emotional, right? And then that's where those fears come in. It's fear of being judged, fear of being rejected, fear of losing connection. So in order to feel like we fit in, and in order to feel like we're not being criticized or put down, um, we start shrinking ourselves. We start downplaying our successes, we start downplaying our personality and who we are. We are overexplaining why we're doing everything, like just in case someone had an opinion about it or was about to judge us, like we have to just reassure that this is where we were coming from and this is what we meant. And sorry if that hurt your feelings and blah, blah, blah. We're playing it safe by playing small. And I just want to remind you guys look, you guys weren't taught to be small because you're small. You were taught to be small because it made others comfortable. You were taught to be small because it made others comfortable. Think about that for a second. How much have we been taught to kind of mold ourselves to fit in? Because remember, arrogant people will be threatened by confident people. So instead of everyone else working on their confidence to feel confident and feel better about themselves, the confident people are dulling themselves down not to offend or trigger or impact the arrogant people. How does that work? So if everybody just worked on having true, genuine confidence and self-validation, right? Everyone would be fucking confident. But the people that are not arrogant and want to be confident have dulled themselves down because the arrogant people are being triggered by our confidence. Okay. How does that happen? I know. I think a lot of this conditioning, I think in adulthood, obviously it's societal pressures, right? Like social media, the news, just how people see women in general. But it kind of, it can actually come from young age. Um, bless our parents. Here we go again. So, you know, how often how many of you had parents that were like, oh, just be good, just be a good girl? Which means just be quiet, be easy, be agreeable, don't argue with me. How many of us have had boyfriends or or even parents that are praising us for being low maintenance? She doesn't complain about much. Yeah, she doesn't, she doesn't win, she doesn't sook. But babe, that's actually just because you are not saying anything like you're belling yourself down just because you don't want to be disruptive or you don't want to, you know, come across argumentative or whatever it is. But then as kids, we're also criticized for being too loud, or even as adults, being too opinionated or too confident, too expressive. So what that teaches us is being liked, or in order to be liked, I must stay small. I can't be too loud, I can't be too opinionated, I can't express myself, I can't be myself because then that leaves me open to being judged, leaves me open to being vulnerable. And that's what I call the lifeability trap. Okay. We're often taught that what determines our worth as a human being, as a female, is being how much we're liked, how much we're being chosen, and how easy we are to be around. Like imagine walking around in your life operating like that. My value and my worth on this planet is determined by how many people like me, how often I'm being chosen, and if people say that I'm easy to manage and easy to be around. Right. So the opposite of that is we then feel that being confident and being who we are and owning who we are feels risky. Because if I step outside the box of that criteria, people might not like me. A lot of us, unfortunately, would rather be liked than respected. And a lot of the time that means we lose our confidence and we lose who we are. We lose who we are because we are dulling ourselves down to not seeing too much. And again, this is coming from relationships, being shut down in friendships, even, being overlooked constantly or criticized at work. Okay. And how many of you from uneducated people have been really confident in a moment? And then people mistake it as having an attitude. Like, sorry, I was actually just trying to communicate how something made me feel. No, you're ungrateful, you have an attitude, blah, blah, blah. And you're like, oh, cool, noted. I need to tone that down. I won't speak up again. I need to tone it down to be accepted. And this fear of standing out, I just I have a few people in my head when I talk about this. And it's really sad because I know so many people that are so energetic, bubbly, they are silly, goofy, like they put on voices, we dance around, just so full of life in secret, like with maybe the girls or even just with me in private. But when we are out in social settings, it's like a very different version of that person comes forward. And I know you're all probably having someone in mind in your life, or it's possibly you when I talk about this, right? It's like, yeah, you kind of behave very differently when we're when we're around other people because they want to be perceived as a certain type of themselves. Because if they go to that dinner, goofy, cracking jokes, possibly they're a little loud in quotation marks, those people won't like them anymore. Right. So we have this fear of standing out, this fear of being ourselves. Confidence is naturally going to make you more visible. And that might sound scary to people because they're like, oh, whoa, I don't want to be seen. That means I have to be vulnerable. Like that means you're not confident. But when you're a confident person, you're like, yep, here I am. Like you're taking up space in the world unapologetically. And you don't give a fuck what people think if they see you. Because you're like, doesn't matter what you have to say or think because I I know I'm awesome. That's why I'm showing up this loud and proud. And that's why I'm trying to stand out. Because I'm like, here I am, look how awesome I am. Right. Because if you don't have the confidence to do that or say that or show up like that, that's where it brings out the fear of that judgment, criticism, jealousy from others, the arrogant people, and just that fear of being misunderstood, you know. And that comes from people that constantly compare ourselves. Like, are we actually hanging out with arrogant people? Or not even just arrogant, are we hanging out with the wrong people that are criticizing or taking your confidence the wrong way? So you are constantly being reminded in your environment. Dull it down, get back in the box, close it up, duct tape it, seal it, chip it off, right? So I know for a lot of you that are feeling this struggle of like, I'm trying to work on my confidence. Um, like working on your confidence and then behaving confidently are two very big steps, right? And you're obviously wanting to work on your confidence because you're listening to this podcast, but internal conflict for you, you might be feeling, like, I want to be confident, but I don't want to seem arrogant. I want to start speaking up and I want to use my voice, but I don't want people to judge me or not like me. And I just want more. I know deep down that I deserve more in my life, but I just I'm really scared that I'm gonna lose people. And then you guys are in such conflict with that. There's a part of you that's desperate to feel more like yourself, to find yourself, to feel confident, to feel worthy. And then that fear of all of the judgment once you step outside of that box is holding you back, okay? And I want you guys to know it's not this fear of being arrogant, because we know that there's no such thing as being too confident, okay? You're not afraid of being arrogant, you're afraid of being fully seen. Like, what does it mean to you to feel fully seen right now? Because we can work on what that means. Are you what I mentioned before? Like, here I am, here's me in all my glory. I'm so proud of myself. Or are you afraid to be seen? And deep down in your core, this is this is your this is all about your self-worth, how you see yourself, how you value yourself. Do you respect yourself? Do you have that self-awareness, right? Do you trust yourself? Are you relying on external validation? Or are you actually currently equating your worth with others' approval? Can I be okay with not being liked by everyone? And that question like I've been honest about being a people pleaser throughout my life. That's a huge one. What if that person doesn't like me? And of course, we want the perfect answer, which is like, who fucking cares? Their loss, right? They're absolute loss. What a blessing. What a beauty. Because it means that they're just not my person. I don't want to be around that person that doesn't think that I'm a good person because I know that I'm a good person, right? That's where we want to get you guys to. You guys, I give you full permission. You are allowed to be misunderstood. And remember, the people that are probably questioning you and dulling you probably have way more internal shit going on than you do. They probably do not value themselves at all. Because remember, if they are criticizing other people, they got more shit going on than you do in their head and about their worth. So don't let other people that are struggling make you question your worth. You're allowed to be misunderstood. People don't have to understand you, they got to work on their own shit. It's not, it's not up to you to convince other people to value you. I want that to sink in. It is not your responsibility to work on other people's perception of you. And why do I say that? Because self-validation, self-awareness, self-worth, self-confidence. Ain't nobody's business. Right? It's not your business what other people think of you. Because fuck what they think. As long as you back yourself, as long as you value yourself. So because you value yourself, it's okay not to be liked. It's okay not to be misunderstood. Okay. Not everyone is going to understand that level of confidence because not everyone has done the work that you guys are doing. Not everyone has the growth and the mindset and the confidence that you'd back yourself with that mindset. And I want you guys to shift your understanding of what it means when you lose people. Because nine times out of 10, it's a good thing that you're losing people. That's just what happens with growth. And hopefully you're losing people that are arrogant because they were probably holding you back or you're losing relationships and friends and because they were the ones that were actually dulling your shine. They were molding you into a quieter, more manageable, easygoing person. But we don't want to be like that. We want to be ourselves and we want to shine. So off they go. We don't need them. It's a good thing. Like, thank you for shedding the weight out of my life. Because if they didn't do it, you were gonna have to. So please, if you don't like me for who I am, if you don't get me, it's not my job to try and like get you on board with who I am. Out you go. If people are leaving, if they don't understand your confidence, if they don't have the same growth and awareness of you, that doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. You know, it's it it will cost you on this journey to confidence. It will cost you people. They will leave, but it's it's a good thing. Okay. I want to see it as a positive thing because you're growing, you're outgrowing the bullshit, you're shedding the weight. So, one more thing I want to leave you with is I want you guys to step into confidence without guilt. Guilt is such a huge, strong, heavy emotion, especially when it is attached to your self-worth and your confidence and what it looks like to step into confidence without your guilt. Every time that you have something that you want to share or you're excited about, own your wins without the disclaimers. Yeah, that happened. Yeah, I did that, yeah, I achieved it. Without, uh, but it's only because I did this and I guess it was just luck and blah, blah. No, without the last part. Yeah, you did that. End of story, full stop. Awesome, right? Stop apologizing for existing. Okay. And this is a big one to acknowledge. Let people have their opinions. It does not define you. You can't control what other people think, you can't control how other people behave, you cannot control what other people say. So why do we allow other people's thoughts, feelings, opinions to define us as a person? Last time I checked, they were not my fucking, I was gonna say not my parent, but I think for a lot of us, that's where the issue started. They are not our creator. They are not the little internal us that's like, do this, say that, belief systems, whatever you want to bloody call. Other people's opinions do not define you. Okay. Speak with absolute clarity and confidence instead of either shrinking your voice or just not using it at all. Next time you're in a situation where you need to speak on your own behalf, be assertive, say what's on your mind, like be proud of yourself. The first step is awareness. So I want you to actually notice are you saying something confidently and then backing it up with self-doubt? Like, yeah, I got a promotion. Oh, but it's only because of this, this, and this. Boring. Notice when you're doing it. So the first step in noticing is interrupting the patterns by having awareness of it. And then the next step is obviously shedding that second part. So be confident, be proud without the bullshit that you attach to it. So the the a summary of like the mindset reframe is just you're not responsible for how people interpret your confidence and you as a person. You don't owe it to anybody. You are not responsible for how they see you. Just be yourself. Be your beautiful, kind, passionate, bubbly, energetic self. Just be yourself. And know that your confidence will absolutely trigger other people's insecurities. But that's that's not your problem to carry. And that is not a sign to go, oh, get back in the box, dole myself down, they're triggered. If anything, it means that you're doing a good job because you're confident. You're being seen finally, you're putting yourself out there. And that comes with a sign of someone being triggered by it. So if anything, that's like, oh, cool, like, sorry you feel that way. Keep going because you are finally putting yourself out there. You're being seen. You, if you're not being seen, you can't trigger people. So it's a good thing, right? So, my loves, your confidence is not something that you're gonna be toning down anymore. It's actually something that we're gonna step into and keep developing, keep getting you up there. Okay, you are again, my full permission, you're allowed to take up space. You are absolutely allowed to be proud of yourself, you're allowed to be seen. Confidence doesn't make you arrogant, it makes you self-respecting. And as always, some banger questions to leave you with. Where are you currently holding yourself back because you're afraid of how you'll be perceived? Have you met a new group of friends, new job, new relationship? Have you started dating someone and you're not being a true self because you're like, oh, what did they don't like me? Second question. What would it look like to show up confidently without apologizing for it? And some of you are like, oh my God, that's so uncomfortable. Oh, that makes me so anxious. Good. Acknowledge it. What does it feel like? What does it look like? And how are you gonna do it differently? Like, test the waters, babe. You gotta get outside your comfort zone. And just lastly, like, are you actually genuinely dimming your light to make others comfortable? Maybe you're not just meeting people for the first time, but I want you to just take a look around you, the people that you actually have in your life, your friends, your partner, fuck, even your family. Do you actually believe that you are being your true self right now? And have a look at the people in your life. And is it because you're too scared to be yourself around those people, then fear you'll be judged, rejected, whatever? If the answer is yes, then fucking get rid of them. They are not your people. Like we are not getting any younger. We don't want to spend the rest of our life being a fake version of ourselves and being what other people think we should be. You have got now until the rest of your life to be your true self. And I would much rather spend my time with people that love me for who I truly am rather than a version of me that is like tiring to try and keep up. Do you know what I mean? It's like a fake facade. Who has time and energy for that? I don't. So, full permission from me, my loves. Just absolutely embrace your true authentic self without that fear, shed it. Okay. Really consider those questions. And if you fuck, if you need help, like I'm here. I'm your gal. Jump onto the page. Send me some DMs. Like I am your girl. Okay. But for now, like I'm proud of you guys for showing up. Keep listening to the episodes. And hopefully it shifts some things for you. Because, you know, you guys, you guys deserve to feel confident. You deserve to feel worthy. All right, that's it from me, guys. Love you. Bye. Okay, gorgeous. That's a wrap on today's episode of Woke Up Worthy. If this spoke to you, don't forget to follow the pod, hit that bell, and drop a five-star review so more gals can find this space too. If you're needing some extra support, confidence tools, and maybe some behind the scenes goodies. Tap the link in the description to connect with me and join the community. Until next time, babe, don't forget, choose yourself. Back yourself. And more importantly, remember you wake up worthy.