How to stop caring what people think

Do you ever stop yourself from speaking up, showing up or going after what you want because of what people might think?

In this episode, we’re breaking down why you care so much about other people’s opinions and how it’s quietly holding you back. 

We talk about;

• Where this fear comes from
• How it shows up in your everyday life (hello overthinking and people-pleasing)
• The real cost of constantly seeking approval
• And more!

Most importantly, you’ll learn how to start letting go of it  so you can trust yourself, make decisions with confidence and finally stop shrinking to be liked. 

Because the truth is, no matter what you do, people will have opinions- so you may as well live your life on your terms

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Wake Up Worthy, the podcast that feels like the friend who hikes you up and tells you the truth. I'm your host, Jay, and this is your one-stop shop for confidence, empowerment, relationships, and all things us gals are secretly overthinking at 2 a.m. So grab your coffee, girl, get comfy, and let's yap our way into the most confident worthy version of you. Because, babe, you didn't just wake up. You woke up worthy. What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I have just been enjoying my Phoebe, my little engaged life. Feeling like a queen, like a princess. I feel very looked after, very loved. It has been such a high of a week for me, and I'm super stoked. Thank you so much for everyone that sent their love. I appreciate all of you. I'm so excited everybody gets to celebrate with me. Today I want to go into a little topic of how to stop caring what people think. So I think that little inner critic or that self-doubt thought normally eats us alive if we can't control it. And it's interesting because I'm starting to see a lot of videos proving it. But a lot of people assume that everyone is staring at them and has an opinion. And even if they do, that might be true. But I promise you it's it's for two seconds and then they forget who you are, right? And it's interesting of the videos I've been seeing popping up. There's a guy that films himself in like crowds and just does random shit. Like he'll lay on the floor, he'll break into a fucking song and dance, and people just walk past. Concerning because they're not checking if it's okay, like falling on the floor. But like it just goes to show no one gives a fuck, right? And even if they did, my goal is to help you not fucking care. Who cares what you think? It's exhausting in itself managing how you feel about yourself and what you think about yourself, let alone also carrying the thoughts and concern about what other people think about you. Exhausting, right? Let's focus on one person's opinion only, which is your own about yourself. Because once you change that and once you improve that, not only will it not matter what other people think, but it won't cross your mind. It will not cross your mind and wonder, what are they thinking about me? What are they saying about me? Did they judge this? Did they judge that? You won't fucking care because you won't even consider it. That is the level of confidence I want you guys to get. I know for a lot of us, and I don't know if this is like a self-doubt thing or anxiety or something else, probably a sprinkle of all of it, right? But the amount of times that we've like left a social, a social situation or had a conversation or a meeting, and then we just fucking sit and ponder and replay conversations over in our head, a lot of that is built up in low self-worth and self-doubt. But then obviously that is a sign that you're carrying the consideration of other people's opinions about you. Sometimes maybe you even stop yourself from saying something or doing something because you are afraid of what people might think and say. So not only are you doing things and then contemplating about it, but you're actually stopping yourself from putting yourself in certain situations because the fear of what people think is actually holding you back altogether. Right. So you're not the only one. This is something I really, really struggled with before I worked on my confidence and removed that self-doubt. We've all been there. Okay. The problem is when you start caring too much about what people think, you start slowly abandoning yourself. It's no longer about how you see yourself, it's more about allowing other people's opinions to shape your worth. That is the difference. Are you allowing other people to shape your worth and your identity? And are you allowing other people to decide if you are acceptable in this day and age or not? Right. So in this episode, I'm gonna help you understand why you're actually caring too much, where it comes from, and then how to start choosing yourself instead. Okay. So if you're listening to this and you're like, yeah, I definitely replay conversations, or yeah, I'm really avoiding certain things because I'm worried what people are gonna think. Okay, you're in the right place. Let me take you through it. So we need to understand why we actually care what people think, like we're why we're hardwired as human beings. Um, so to say this compassionately, it's because we're wired as human beings for connection and belonging. We actually have in our identity and like the seven human needs, right? This sense of connection and belonging. We're tribal creatures, okay? Back fucking way historical times. Tribal creatures. That sense of belonging, that sense of wanting to fit in or belong to something, right? It's it's being accepted. And if we're accepted, we're safe. Think about it. Like we we often say our brains are wired for like hunter-gatherer times. The exact same thing applies. Like, I think back in the day, if you wanted to fit in as part of a tribe, if you weren't, you're abandoned. We want to be a part of something. So what your brain is actually wired and built for is the thought process of if I'm liked, I'm safe. If I'm liked, I'm safe. So imagine in human day and age nowadays, in 2026. That unfortunately is a belief pattern, thanks brain, that probably could do a little bit more damage than good. Okay. We weren't brought up in tribal caveman times thinking I'm gonna stand out. I don't want to be a cool kid, I'm gonna have an opinion and be assertive. Like that wasn't how the brain was wired. It was like survive, right? How do we fucking survive? And we survive if we're part of the pack and we're safe. Okay. So what we're teaching here, and I'm not saying it's not possible, but we are literally teaching your brain to do the opposite of what it's hardwired to do. Now, the brain is also capable of changing its patterns. Okay. It's capable of creating new neural pathways in your brain. You can literally train it to do anything. So just because it was born, just because your brain was born thinking, if I'm liked, I'm safe, or a sense of connection and belonging, you can change that way of thinking. You can still feel safe. You can still have connection, you can still belong, but not at the detriment to yourself and your self-worth. Okay. Now, it's also important to note, it doesn't make you weak to care what other people think. That that's just you being a human, okay? But it becomes a problem when it starts controlling your life, your thoughts, and you allow other people to determine your worth. Okay. So let's try and understand where this actually comes from. So the conditioning, the patterns of the brain, life experiences. As I mentioned, your brain is capable of creating new neural pathways. Okay. It's learning new patterns, it's learning new beliefs, things like that. So it is constantly learning, right? It starts all the way back from when you're born, even through childhood. So things like, you know, be good, be liked, be seen, not heard, we don't use our emotions. Like that's all things that your brain is learning from whatever environment you're in. Um, if you're being praised for being easy or agreeable, maybe you have a fear of being judged or rejected, uh, and past experiences where you were criticized or excluded. Okay. So imagine having the brain belief pattern that if I'm liked, I'm safe. And you grew up in an environment where you were constantly criticized and excluded. God forbid, abandon, right? No wonder we're all fucked up. So you can see how this, like looking back on your past experiences, where you can go, huh, no fucking wonder I'm a mess. That makes sense. So if you have those kind of experiences, that's where you develop people pleasing, overthinking, and that need for validation. Okay. What I will say is no one wakes up one day insecure. No one, should I say, no one comes out the womb feeling insecure. Okay. You know what toddlers are like. They are the most confident creatures on the planet. I don't give a fuck. They say what they want, they talk to who they want, they do what they want, right? They haven't had those life experiences yet that tells them to get back in a box. You came out the womb like super confident. And then if you picture your timeline, like your life timeline, think about and consider which life experiences have conditioned you or changed your brain patterns to seek approval, seek validation. Like you're desperate to fit in or feel loved or or belong somewhere, right? Have a think about where that has possibly started happening for you. So then let's go into the cost of caring too much. So when you prioritize other people's opinions, you're actually second guessing yourself. It might look like you're staying quiet, you're shrinking your personality, maybe you're actually scared to speak up in the first place or say something or have an opinion because previously you were shut down or told not to have an opinion in the first place. Uh, what's that awful saying from adults, like for kids seen and not heard? Right? Ridiculous. Or you might just be laughing with excitement and a parent is like, shut up, like you're so loud. Awful, right? You just become conditioned to be quiet, timid, reserved. You're constantly saying yes when you want to say no. Like maybe you were never taught boundaries, you were never taught to stick up for yourself, or maybe it was not okay to have your own opinion, right? Like my way or the highway. These are just awful sayings that we all know. Maybe your parents didn't do it to you, but we know that that's like a common saying. It's my way or the highway, because I said so, or you know, seen and not heard. Such a common saying, but that's it's literally proof in the pudding. That is how people were raised back in the day. And unfortunately, still now, if they're not aware of the ramifications. So maybe you constantly stay in situations that don't feel right. Now, this is a big one for me that I am conscious of, not only from my own personal experience, but just what I'm seeing in my circles around me, still to this day, is if you have kids, and I will always vouch for this, if you have kids, how you behave, like little kids, under fuck, I don't know. We the brain develops like between zero to five, right? That's where we pick up patterns and belief systems. But obviously, a kid of any age, under 10, let's just say, however, you are behaving as an adult or whatever is happening in your home environment, your child is picking up on. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously. They are little sponges that go, okay, I've seen my parents fight constantly, but they are still together. That is telling me that it is normal in a relationship to not be happy, to constantly argue, to be treated like shit, and not leave. Right? If you grew up in an abusive home, you think that's normal. Or that's okay. Maybe your gut feeling says it's it's not okay, but you didn't witness someone taking a stand and trying to leave or like sticking up for themselves. Like and I'm I don't mean to, I'm not triggering anyone, and I don't want anyone to start thinking, well, like they couldn't leave. Like, I'm not trying to go deep like that. I'm just trying to give examples of situations that you may have seen as a child. Um, and it doesn't even have to be super fucking traumatic. Maybe it's just like your parents argued all the time, but your one of the parents was always the one like shouting, and the other one was very submissive and didn't say anything. So then you learn, okay, well, if I'm quiet, it all goes away. It's it ends. Here's a big one as well. This is not this is not traumatic. Where did I hear this? I heard this on a podcast. If you are an adult with a kid and you are fearful of taking risks, maybe you want to start a business, you're scared. Maybe you want to leave that job, you're scared. Is there anywhere in your life where you're scared of taking risks? Are you settling for something that's comfortable because you're too scared to get outside your comfort zone and you have kids? What you're doing is that is a pattern. You're teaching your kids what is okay and what's not, what's normal and what's not. If your kids grow up watching you take risks, you've tried multiple times to start a business and it fails every time, but you fucking get back up the next day and try something different. Imagine what that's teaching your kids. Your kids grow up thinking it's okay to take risks, right? It's okay that things fail. Like, what do what are you teaching your kids? Or consider what you're teaching your future kids. What is your relationship with failure? What is your relationship with rejection? Right? For me, that's very compelling because I I really, really want kids, right? So every decision I make is like, am I a good role model for my future kids? That's just what compels me. If you're someone that doesn't want kids, that's okay. You can reflect on maybe some challenges that you're experiencing. Where did they come from in your life experiences? And again, that's not traumatic. No one considers making excuses to not go to the gym or eat healthy. How is that passively teaching others around you or myself? Like I've always struggled with eating my whole life. And this was not on purpose, but I grew up in a family that had Greeks and Italians. So they fucking ate a lot, like great food. But without them realizing the themes in my childhood was finish what's on your plate. Like we don't waste food. Probably great lessons in itself. But what that taught me was to overeat. And even if you're really, really full, we don't waste food. So you finish everything on your plate. And like being in a Greek and Italian family, like big portions, right? So I'd struggle with my weight fluctuating constantly because I was in this battle of being in the fitness industry the last 10 years and learning how how relationships with food should be like healthy. It's okay to stop eating when you're full. That's how eating works. Your human body feels hungry, so you eat, and when it's full, you stop. Right? So, no fault of my family. They didn't go into that thinking, fuck, I'm like, I'm giving her some deep-seated issues with food when she's older. No, they just loved food as Greek and Italians and was like, fuck yeah, have a five-course meal for breakfast. Do you know what I mean? So consider things like that. Like, what are you currently struggling with that you possibly have picked up from childhood or life experience? And again, it doesn't have to be traumatic, but that is a good example of something I've picked up through no fault of my family's own. But just that you can see how little moments of childhood can develop things for you. Right. Now let's take it back to the theme of the episode: caring what people think. Okay. Try to consider if you are a people pleaser, if you care what people think, if you struggle to leave a job that you fucking hate, right? Where have you picked those things up from? So, what I want you to consider is are you trading your authenticity or you're trading your true self for approval? Maybe we've been in relationships previously or currently are with people that you really, if you're not being yourself, you know that you're molding yourself. You're pretending to like things that they do or say things that they do or hang out with people that they do just because you want to feel loved or you want to fit in. But what is that costing you? What is it costing you not being your true authentic self? I want to move into the truth around what other people really think. Okay. And this is going to be a hopefully a mindset shift for you and the new mindset that I want you to adopt moving forward. So I promise you, like I said before, that people are more focused on themselves than you. More focused on themselves than you. If I were to get everyone in a room, women, and for them to list their insecurities, I guarantee you, you would hear things that you would never even consider about yourself. You're like, you you're concerned about that? Really? Not only because you weren't aware that that was a problem, but you look at them and go, what do you mean you're concerned about your weight? You're a size six. But that's just your filter, right? And this is a prime example of people are stuck in their own fucking head. They don't care about your insecurities. They're riddled with their own. Okay? So I promise you, people don't care. Everyone has opinions, and theirs is based on their own experiences, not their truth. Now, this is a big one as well. I was actually speaking to my Pilates instructor about it, and we grew up with different food and body image related things. I grew up with a Greek nana who I was never hungry around. Ate when I wasn't hungry. And you're losing weight, put some put some fucking put some fat on you, you know, like that kind of culture. And a friend that I spoke to said that her, she knows someone that the mum used to measure, measure the child's waist, and used to say things like when they were getting family photos, make sure you suck your tummy in. What? I was mortified to hear that. But that is their experience. And I I guarantee you the parents of that child went through the same thing with their parents. It's like conditioning, it's a pattern throughout the fucking family history, right? So the person that they knew's relationship with food was stop eating because you're gonna get fat. And watch what you eat. Suck your tummy in. Like look at photos of yourself and be like, fuck, I didn't suck my tummy in. I look fat. Whereas me grew up like food, food, food, food, food. And now that I'm an adult that has learned, that's probably unhealthy. So, like two very different views around food based on our upbringing. But what I where I was going with this is if I were to sit down with that person that was taught, you know, sucky tummy and blah, blah, blah, she might be looking at me eating heaps of food, going, oh my God, that's naughty. Like, you're gonna gain weight. And I might have looked at her. This is hypothetical, I wouldn't judge, but I would might look at her in this situation based on my upbringing and patterns, going, You've only eaten a salad. Like, aren't you hungry? Do you want to go get lunch? Oh, I'm not really hungry. But do you want to just go get lunch anyway? Like two very different views of the world, okay? This is why it's fucking important to not give a fuck what other people think because everyone has their own wires. Everyone has their own patterns and their map of the world that they're experiencing and like the rules in their head that they're following, right? Doesn't matter what you do, someone's probably gonna have a different opinion to you. But that's why it doesn't matter because everyone has their own shit going on. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings and opinions about something. So it doesn't matter what you do, you will not please someone. And I've seen this online recently. This trend of like people are currently saying she aged beautifully. And I like it. I think we should encourage aging. I think it's an absolute fucking blessing to age because not everyone is around for it, if you get what I'm saying. Beautiful. So it's a trend now to shit on people that have done what had work done for whatever reason they felt they needed to, and praising people that are aging gracefully. Whereas a year or two ago, people would get the shit ripped out of them, like celebrities, if they had frown lines or aging, signs of aging in their neck or whatever, which is why people started getting fucking plastic surgery and Botox and shit in the first place, because they were getting shot on for aging. So trends based on other people's opinions can very quickly make you doubt yourself and morph yourself into what society thinks is the right way to behave and look and think and feel. So if you had a very strong sense of what you like about yourself, it doesn't fucking matter what other people think. You can be liked and still be misunderstood, and you can be kind and still be judged. Okay? So it doesn't fucking matter. If you're gonna be judged anyway, you may as well be judged for being yourself. I want you to let that sink in. If you are going to be judged anyway, you may has you may as well be judged for being yourself. And you may as well be judged feeling confident and worthy because people are gonna have an opinion. And when they do, it's just gonna ricochet off you because you're like, I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you could see myself the way I do. What a reversal. Imagine if you said that to someone that bullied you. What a fucking power trip. I wish I could go back to high school and say that to my bullies when they were bullying me. Be like, I I feel sorry for you. I wish you could see what I'm seeing when I look in the mirror. I'm gonna use that. So right now you're like, thanks, Jade. I fucking feel like shit. I I know that I'm not valuing myself the way I should. Here's how you're gonna let go of it. Here's how you're gonna start shifting the patterns in your mind. Okay. So I want you to like just pause. Just fucking stop. Take a breath. Ask yourself, what do you actually want? What do you actually want? Who is the true version of you? I want you to start noticing when you're seeking approval in situations or even your thoughts versus when you're actually doing something that feels in alignment with it with yourself. And you will know the difference, right? We know how that uncomfortable and uneasy, lost feeling when we know that we're behaving in a way to serve others versus ourself. Because when you're in alignment with what you want and you gain that confidence and assertiveness to say what you want, say how you feel, and go after things that you want is true alignment and it feels very different. You will know the difference. Okay. So, like I always say, awareness precedes change. So have awareness first of when you're doing things that don't feel in alignment. Notice when you're saying things for the sake of other people, when you're thinking things, when are you holding yourself back? Okay. Start making those small decisions without asking others. If it ever crosses your mind, I really want to do this, but get rid of the butt and do it anyway. The most important part of that is I really want to do this. Remember, you are the most important person. You, your opinion is the only one that matters. So it doesn't matter what other people are gonna think. It doesn't matter what other people are gonna say, because they're gonna fucking say it anyway. So you might as well do it anyway. Right? Build that self-trust by keeping promises to yourself. Okay, you owe it to yourself now. You spent your whole life up until this moment designing your life based on what you think everyone else wants to see from you and hear from you. But that like we don't want to live our lives based on what other people think or need. It's what you need. Like, this is your life, not theirs, to put yourself first. And I'm not saying this is gonna be easy, right? This is however old you are. For me, I think I'm how fucking old am I? I think I'm 32. Or maybe I'm 33. I think I'm 33. Fine, I can never remember. If if I was not confident, I would have spent 33 years designing a life that feels misaligned. So it's gonna take some time, some friction, some practice, some trial and error, some uncomfortability, redesigning your life and your thoughts. The biggest one, your thoughts. Okay, it's gonna take some time and you'll feel that friction. I need to elaborate. Okay. Whilst this will feel uncomfortable, there will be judgment. There will be misunderstanding, okay? Because that that is just a part of growth. Anytime change is required, people are gonna feel unsettled. Especially if you're with people that feel like they have control over you, they have morphed you, you're living in alignment with what they need. And then you suddenly start changing a little bit, they're gonna be like, this isn't you, and you're gonna go, exactly. Thank you for noticing, right? Now, confidence isn't not caring at all. We're humans, it's natural. We're gonna care, but the difference is we're not gonna let it control you anymore. Okay, have the thought, go, that's a funny thought, and let it leave your brain. Confidence is not caring at all. It's just not letting it consume you, not letting it control you. So, to bring it all together, I don't want you to stop caring completely. Okay, we're not we're not about to start being arseholes. You just need to stop letting it run your life. It's fucking exhausting. Let's let's move away from that. Let's be exhausted trying to do what's best for us, not be exhausted trying to do what's best for everyone else. Okay, you're allowed to be seen for who you are, and that includes allowing yourself to be misunderstood. Because do you know what the beautiful thing about being misunderstood is? It means that not everyone's gonna like you and that's okay. But if you're being misunderstood, it means you are being your true self because you're not morphing yourself to suit them. So if they misunderstand you, that is a really good sign that you are being your true self. Because you don't need to be understood. You don't need to be understood. That's not the goal. The goal is just to feel aligned with who you are, okay? The goal is to choose yourself. And the more you choose yourself, the less other people's opinions are going to define you. Okay? So, as always, my loves, we're gonna leave you with a fucking power question. Okay? Power question. As always, if you wanna send me the answer, join the Facebook group and post the answer or send me a DM. What are your thoughts? Here it is. If you weren't worried about what anyone thought, what would you be doing differently right now? If you weren't worried about what anyone thought, what would you be doing differently right now? Interesting. What came up for you when I said that? Did you picture your job? Did you picture letting go of a friend? Did you picture a different partner? Did you picture being single? What came up for you when I said that? And think about it. Alright, that's it, my las. I'll see you next week. Bye. Okay, gorgeous. That's a wrap on today's episode of Woke Up Worthy. If this spoke to you, don't forget to follow the pod, hit that bell, and drop a five-star review so more gals can find this space too. If you're needing some extra support, confidence tools, and maybe some behind the scenes goodies. Tap the link in the description to connect with me and join the community. Until next time, babe, don't forget to choose yourself, back yourself, and more importantly, remember you woke up worthy.