Social media is ruining your confidence

Have you ever opened social media for a quick scroll and somehow ended up questioning your looks, your life, your relationship or your worth?

In this episode, we’re unpacking;

• The impact social media is having on women’s self-worth
• AI beauty standards and why so many women feel behind, insecure and disconnected from themselves online
• The toxic loops that quietly keep us feeling “not enough.” 
• And how to start protecting your confidence in a world constantly trying to sell you inadequacy.

Because maybe the problem isn’t that you’re not enough, maybe you’ve just been consuming too many reasons to believe you aren’t. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Work Up Worthy, a podcast that feels like a friend who cuts you up and tells you the truth. I'm your host, Jay, and this is your one-stop shop for confidence, empowerment, relationships, and all things us gals are secretly overthinking at 2am. So grab your coffee, girl, get comfy, and let's yap our way into the most confident worthy version of you. Because babe, you didn't just wake up. You woke up worthy. What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. So just want to say sorry for last week. I just, the universe is out to get me. My bloody microphone is set up, and then my computer is like, do you know what else is in the room? Your AirPods. Let's record the audio from that instead of your really expensive microphone. So I'm really sorry. I went to edit it after and I was like, you're joking. And I could not be bothered recording the whole thing again because it was a good episode. Now I do apologize. That's not what you guys deserve. So I promise moving forward, I'm going to really try and be more mindful before I hit record that it's not just jumping to the nearest possible recording device. Apparently, it does that. Anyway, I have had such a nice week. I went wedding dress shopping this week. It is the very first time I have ever done it. And I took a couple of girlfriends and my nana and mom. It was really important to me that they were there. Just such a fun experience. Like, even if you have no idea or you don't plan on buying something that day, there's just something about trying on dresses with your gals that was very special. And it's just making me even more excited to do it. And my partner and I have like we got engaged like three or four weeks ago, and we're already planning the wedding because we're just so keen to get on with the rest of what's to happen in our life. And we wanted something really small. So we didn't think it was gonna be an issue. It's gonna be during the week, really small, not a huge, like formal kind of proper wedding, right? Uh apparently that's more stressful because it's less time to book and plan for everything. Um and no one told me that wedding dresses can take up to fucking 18 months. What do you mean, 18 months? And they're like, girl, you know, just walk in and buy it off the floor. Like they make it for you. I'm like, well, where was this written? Like, how am I supposed to know that? So yeah, luckily, very grateful, but luckily, a very good friend of mine actually is starting her own business as a wedding dress designer. And she's like, girl, I got you. I got you. I'm gonna design it and I have some people, they're gonna make it. And I'm like, yep, is this date okay? Like you've still got a short timeline. Just like, we'll make it happen. Don't stress. So stay tuned for that. I'm sure for the next few months we're gonna hear some ups and downs. And I might even do a whole fucking episode on just just this stuff, all the stuff that nobody told me. I've got you guys. I will not let you stress through the same stuff. If you're listening to this and you're already married, I am so open to some tips, tricks of the trade. Tell me ASAP, because I'm booking vendors and stuff. If you know any little tricks, let me know. Pop in my DMs. Like, girl, I got you. I got married. This is what we did, this is what we saved, this is how we did it. I recommend this photographer. Like, go nuts. Anyway, this week, I want to go back into social media and how it affects your self-worth. I have done a couple of episodes on this on my channel before. And the reason I want to come back to it is we know, we know that social media is forever changing and getting worse, if sometimes better. But the fucking stuff with AI at the moment, I think it's just re-bringing up a lot of stuff for people where if you're someone that's not very confident with themselves or already really struggle not comparing yourselves online, now we gotta deal with like fake stuff. Like what? As if it wasn't hard enough already. So I know for a lot of us, me especially, like we're we're consuming a lot of content, right? Like we're scrolling on TikTok, we're liking stuff on Instagram. And sometimes if you're in a place of not feeling that great about yourself, everything that you're seeing, everything that you're putting in front of yourself probably causes you to compare, right? And once we start comparing it, that's game over. We start questioning ourselves. Are we enough? Am I supposed to look this way, speak this way, behave this way? You know, sometimes people take it as a feeling of fuck, I'm I'm behind in life. Like I don't fit the quote unquote normal societal norms of beauty, success, relationships, like any hole that you have in your life or something that you want to improve or something that you're struggling with in your life. If you see it on Instagram or social media in general behaving in a positive way, it always makes either your situation feel worse, feel heavier, or it makes you start comparing or it makes you start seeing problems that you didn't see before. Perhaps they're not even a problem. It just makes you go, oh, are we supposed to care about that? Like, I didn't know. And a lot of us are seeking validation online. Uh, and then obviously that makes you feel drained. Like we're sick of it. I'm sick of just craving to feel accepted in this bloody society. Um, it gets draining. Okay. So, you know, sometimes for us, we're sitting on the couch, we open social media, just a quick scroll. That's how I relax these days. But how do we do something that is meant to be our downtime? There's meant to be like my de-stress of the day, that for some reason that task of scrolling on social media ends up making us feel worse about ourselves. And then we're like, great, now I hate myself. Now I'm questioning my whole life choices. So I know we're consuming more people, opinions, beauty standards, lifestyles, but I want you guys to understand and remember that they are filtered realities. Okay, and now more than ever with AI. Thanks, AI. And I know it's making you guys question your self-worth. And then we're feeling just like shit about ourselves, right? It starts that spiral. So I've got you guys. I've got the girlies. Today we're gonna unpack the connection between self-worth and social media. Why comparison feels so addictive, like we're doing it and we don't even know we are doing it sometimes, and how to protect your confidence in a world constantly trying to sell you inadequacy. So, first point I wanna make and let this sink in. Comparison is actually quietly destroying your confidence, right? And when I say sometimes we do, we are comparing on autopilot because we're seeking validation, we're seeking answers or someone to go, yes, you're doing a good job, or yes, you look great. So, in doing that, whilst we're on this journey to seek validation, we are seeing things that are only reinforcing the thought that we had in the first place, which is self-doubt about who we are, how we look, how we behave. Comparing our appearance to everything that we're seeing, relationships. We know that a lot of online relationships are bullshit. Timelines, like if you're all of your friends are pregnant in relationships and you're trying to study really hard or build your career, sometimes that can feel lonely and out of place. Like, have I made the right choice? Am I doing the right thing? Your lifestyle, right? Like, what are you spending? Where are you hanging out? What are you doing as a hobby? Just your overall success and then confidence levels. Okay. But social media creates that illusion that everyone else is ahead. Everyone else is prettier, everyone else has life figured out because we know, we know from experience. We don't post a recording of an argument that we had with our partner. We don't post those deep thoughts of self-blame and shame and guilt and all this stuff that we're going through that feels heavy. It's almost like social media is people's escape from their current reality. Now that's all well and good for the individual at the time in the moment. Just had a fight with my boyfriend. I want to get online and post something that makes me feel happy and that I'm proud of. But what that's doing to other people that are looking at that content is can't I be that happy all the time? Why can't I have what she has, right? That is that unfortunate loop and cycle of social media is that the illusion that those people that you're comparing your life to have it all figured out. And I promise you, they don't. So, yes, we can look at positive social media posts as motivation, uh, empowerment, something to look up to, something to look forward to. Um, but take it with a grain of salt and have that awareness that if you are looking at those things and that is the sole reason that you feel down about yourself or you start self-criticizing, just remember that that's probably not an accurate form of what's the word I'm trying to use? That's not an accurate source and a fair source to compare yourself to, right? Comparison doesn't inspire confidence. I want you to remember that. If you are really struggling with confidence and you have a lot of self-doubt and you've started saying to yourself, I really want to work on this, like I'm sick of feeling like this. Are you really putting yourself in situations to make your confidence better? Because if you go on social media and you start finding yourself comparing straight away, then self-criticizing, that's probably not the best place that you need to spend time. It's actually teaching you to constantly measure your worth against strangers. I want to reinforce that because it's really powerful. Comparison is not inspiring your confidence. Okay. It's teaching you to constantly measure your worth against people you don't even know. Why is that our rule book, right? Why is that the benchmark that we're setting for our own standards? If I don't look like this, then I'm not worthy. If I don't behave like this, or I have this, or I earn this, then I am not worthy. Like, why is that our benchmark? Right? A lot, a lot of things on social media, not even just comparison, right? A lot of things are actually damaging how we feel about ourselves, what we're actually doing to ourselves mentally, physically. Think about doom scrolling, right? Sometimes I love a little doom scroll, I'm not gonna lie. But I have built a habit or routine or behavior that I do everything I need to do. And then at the very last part of the day, sometimes I'm so sick of talking to people. Like I do it in my job all day, mentally taxing. Love it, but then I want to come home and not talk to anybody. Um, doom scrolling is my way of just shutting off my brain and thinking and not talking to people. Now, where that goes from that's a fun little outlet to it's damaging your life is are you able to put your phone down? Are you scrolling and looking at positive things? Or are you scrolling and tormenting yourself? Right? Do you have control over it? Is there a difference? Other ways that social media can be taxing for you and damaging your confidence. Have you just gone through a breakup and you're stalking your ex's page? Who's that girl in the photo? Right? He never took me to those kind of restaurants. Why is he there? Of course he's going out all day with his friends now. He just bought a dog. I wanted a dog and he said no. Like, are you feeding your mind with shit that is not gonna make you feel great? Right? If you're struggling to get pregnant and you're seeing other people get pregnant online, if you have been in a relationship for 10 years and you want to get engaged and he doesn't want to, but everyone around you on social media is getting proposed, right? Or engaged. Just be mindful. Have a think. Like, how has your social media presence or your behavior and attitude toward when you're on social media in the last couple of weeks or last month, has it been beneficial for you? Or can you really step back and go, you know what? Like a lot of the time that I've been smirling, or a lot of the time that I've felt really down and shit about myself, or I've had a great day and then it shifted. Now that I think about it, it's when I was fucking on social media. Like it's when I was scrolling. So really just keep that in mind, okay? It's not doing you any favors. I want to move into the topic of AI. It's scary to think about the capabilities that it's gonna have. Not only the harm of the environment, but anything to anything in humanity that is like a big change. Like we don't like change. Like we like feeling secure, we like knowing what's gonna happen, right? Because this is so new, it's obviously gonna feel scary. Okay. Um, I don't even know what to relate this to. Possibly for our grandparents when they see us using a fucking iPhone. It's like they didn't, they didn't, they had those phones where you like the rotary phones where you turned the fucking dial with each number, and now you're telling me that I can take a picture with this brick? Like what? So AI to us is like fucking iPhones to our grandparents, maybe a little bit more extreme, but in the online presence, right, and social media, we're now seeing AI-generated beauty. Okay. Not only were we struggling to see people online that were face-tuned, face tuned, and we were already comparing ourselves to them, and they weren't real in the first place. Now they're literally not real. They're not humans, right? And unfortunately, it's getting so good you can't even tell. Okay. Even the editing of videos now, right? Usually it normally it was just photos that you could edit, and now it's videos. Like, where does this end? Okay, the the filters, the face tunes, and it all goes back to the idea of those perfect, quote unquote, perfect lives that you're comparing yourselves to. We are comparing ourselves to a version that doesn't exist. So filtered faces, altered bodies, staged relationships, or at least like a highlight reel of a relationship that you're comparing yourself to. But now add to the list artificial perfection, right? We were already dealing with so much that was triggering our conference. And now we're like, why don't I look like that fucking robot photo? Right? We're developing insecurities over things that aren't even real anymore. There was already unattainable beauty standards. And unattainable, well, beauty standards were are unattainable because they are forever changing, forever changing. Beauty standards is a trend. We know that. I keep saying that. But not only that is beauty standards are based on things that aren't real. Either they're cosmetically changed or they're altered with Facetune and now fucking AI, right? And then it's leaving you guys feeling ugly, feeling behind, or not like you're fitting in. And then that causes the really unhealthy cycle of wanting to fix ourselves to keep up with, quote unquote, keep up with the beauty standards or trends at the time. There's a reason why women are getting fillers in their lips because apparently it's cool and a trend to have big lips. And then when that trend ends, which is happening, we're getting them dissolved. It's not cool to have big lips anymore, right? So we are altering our bodies to suit what is trending online. And how scary is that to think about with AI that we don't even have to spend money on cosmetics anymore. We don't have to download apps to change it. We can just go, cool, make me look like this. And it happens. The computer spits it out. And if people don't know it's AI for whatever reason, we're going, cool, okay, like that's the new trend. I guess I will go get cosmetic surgery. I guess I'll start spending money on apps, or if I'm not willing to do any of that, I will just hate myself every day because I don't look like that. And that is not real, right? It's adding this extra layer and fear of where is this gonna go? Right? I saw this, I saw this video on TikTok the other day, and it was a mum who had a really young daughter, like I think she was like under eight. And she was a family content creator and had photos of her kids online. And someone took the photos of the kids and put them through AI and made videos of them doing really inappropriate stuff. Like a child. And uh, she was saying, like, obviously, you tried to go to the police, blah, blah, blah. And they're pretty much saying, like, there's no, unfortunately, there's no law. There's no law against this. Like, I'm sorry. You're just gonna have to keep trying to get it, delete it, and report it. But there's no law against against it yet. Like, it is happening so quickly that it's going to these dangerous measures like that. Okay. I don't know why I told that story. I think it's just evidence of how fucking crazy this is getting and how scary it's getting. Yeah. Something to think about if you have kids. But just for ourselves as well. Like, if we are already really struggling with this toxic cycle of measuring and comparing ourselves to what we see online, and now what you're seeing online isn't real, imagine what that could do to someone who desperately wants to fit in. For someone who desperately wants to be accepted and validated and look a certain way. But what they're looking at is not even humanly possible because it's AI generated, right? It can get very messy. What I want to touch on as well is social media is going to create that validation addiction. Right. We have this need, especially if you're craving the validation. Like, I need the likes, I need the views, I need the comments. If I don't have this many likes, it means I'm not worthy. Right? I'm not, I'm not cool, I'm not beautiful, I'm not seen. And I know I've heard on social media or I've heard people saying, like, oh, it only got this many likes, so I deleted it. Like, what? Like, that is unfortunately people's real train of thoughts is like you're putting it out there, literally in the world, to test. Is this worthy? Can I be accepted now? Am I beautiful? And then the audience goes, no, don't like that. You go, okay, I'll take it down. You're right. It's not worthy. Take it away. Like that's so sad. Like we're we're trying we're tying our worth to engagement. We're tying our worth to other people's opinions. Now, I talk about this all the time in real life. Like when you're having conversations with people in relationships, in person, but we're doing that online as well in ways that we don't even realize. Like the likes, the views. We're constantly checking how many views and likes it got. If we want to put a photo up, because in the moment we're like, oh, I look cute, or I'm so proud I got a photo of my graduation, or I just got engaged, post it. But are we going back onto the post and checking every five minutes? Oh, this more people are starting to like it. I should have used this tag and blah, blah, blah. It's like this constant need of the validation drip of yes, you were correct. That is a good photo. You were right to feel good in that moment. You do look good. I want us to get out of this habit of posting just for validation. Posting in the moment just because it was fun and you want to celebrate and you want to share it and you're proud of it, versus taking photos and then spending hours editing them before you upload it and then constantly watching, right? I can't wait. And I feel like we're getting there when feeds are just candid shots, bring back photos of your dogs. You just on a run, sweaty with your how well you did on your run. And do you know what I mean? I'm craving wholesome moments like that on my socials. And I know people are probably already doing it, but I would just love to see more of that. And what is great and a good time to remind you guys is what I always say is like a social media audit, right? There's probably people already doing that online, and you can remove people or unfollow people on socials that aren't feeding you positive things or aren't what you need to see in the moment. Keyword need to see. Okay. If you're struggling with your weight, if you're struggling with your motivation, you're in a toxic relationship, you probably don't want to look at other couples happy in love. You don't want to see these models that you use Facetune that are super, super skinny, right? You don't want to see shit that's going to make your situation worse in your mind. And I'm not saying what they're posting is wrong. I'm just saying you are in control of what you see online and what you're feeding your mind. You would much rather follow a few health coaches or real people that have like lost heaps of weight and they talk personally about what they did to get through it and you can do it too. And I'm proud of you and I'm proud of myself. I'm sounding cheesy or anything, but like that is what's possible for you on social media. And if you do use TikTok like I do, which is just like a little break, I just look at funny cat videos. Right? I'm just looking at funny cat videos because it's it's just nice to shut my brain off. I'm not, I'm not watching things that I don't need to hear. Okay. So the next time that you want to upload something because you genuinely feel proud of yourself, you think you look good, whatever it is, and you catch yourself pausing before you post. Are you overthinking? And why? Why are you overthinking? Are you checking who viewed your story? Are you wondering why someone didn't like your photo? Are we posting to get someone's attention? I have done that before. Right? When you're single and you're like, this is what that person would want to see. I'm gonna post it, right? And you check if they watch all your stories. So I want you to just be more mindful. That's all I teach. Awareness. Be more mindful of where you're getting stuck in these traps and reminding you that you are capable of reversing them, right? You can get out of it. Post wholesomely. Because when your worth becomes dependent on external validation, your confidence is going to become fragile. That's where it becomes easily broken. Because you're giving up control of what your confidence is. You put you're putting your confidence and your worth in the palms of other people. Fuck, turn your comments and likes off your Instagram. Out of sight, out of mind. I don't care what you have to say about my photo. I post it because I think I look good, right? Take back that control and that power. So I want to talk about the toxic loops that we can get stuck in. Okay. We start comparing ourselves to things online, we're feeling insecure, and then we just keep consuming more content and then we just end up feeling worse. Maybe, like I said, you're going through a breakup, you start stalking, then you start spiraling, and it just makes you feel even more shit than you already do. Okay. If you are already an insecure person going online and seeking validation, if it goes well for you, it's a temporary high. And then you crash. But if you're seeking validation online, more often than not, you don't even get the high because you don't get the validation you need. If anything, it makes you feel worse. And there's some fucking trolls out there. There's some bullies, right? That's why I always teach validate yourself, have that inner confidence. It's like an armor around you. It doesn't matter what people think or feel about you, ricochets off you. Then you can just post to your social media because you genuinely want to share that part of your life, not because you feel like you're posting it to get some validation. Okay. There is such a thing as trigger content as well. So I want you to consider what your problem is. Like what are you currently, what's your current challenge? Are you in a toxic relationship? All right. Are you feeling uh like you have low self-worth or a lot of self-doubt about your physical body or maybe just who you are as a person? Are you kind of lost in your career and you don't know what you want to do and you're starting to self-blame and feel worthless? And just like, again, the unrealistic beauty standards, okay? Content isn't inspiring you sometimes, it's actually convincing you that you're not enough. So I want you to consider what your problem is or what your challenge is, how you currently feel, and then think about what are you looking at online? Is it actually reinforcing that doubt for you? Is it reinforcing the pain? Or is what you're watching actually turning it around for you? Do you go into social media feeling shit and then close the app and go, oh, I feel better now? Or are you fine, jump online and go, fuck, I hate myself now? Like really have that awareness of what it's doing to you. And you need to be protecting your self-worth online. Okay. Auditing your environment includes unfollowing accounts that are going to trigger you, trigger your insecurity, trigger the doubt that you already have, those really critical self-thoughts that you have already is going to be so much louder if you're following the wrong people or wrong activities. Okay. And do the opposite. Go through and follow accounts that feel reassuring, they feel grounding, they feel empowering for you. Like, yes, I can do it. I feel so much better about myself. When you're scrolling online, if you feel like you need to have that reality check in place for yourself. It's kind of like a let's just come back to Earth for a little bit, right? Like, is this real? Is it like AI or curated? And is it making you feel empowered or is it making you feel inadequate? Okay. I think it's gonna get eventually now that AI is getting bigger, like we're gonna start really craving more human interaction. Okay. And if anything, more time offline. Right? More time offline, which means reconnecting with yourself offline. So what are your hobbies? What does that real life connection look like? Are you journaling? Right? Where are you getting your self-validation from if it's not online? If you decide after this episode, I need to jump offline, it's toxic for me at the moment, not great. Where are you getting your self-validation from? Right? What are your boundaries going to be with your screen time or social media? Because you you guys can't build real confidence whilst constantly consuming reasons to doubt yourself. I'm gonna say that again. You cannot build real confidence whilst you are constantly consuming reasons to doubt yourself. Reminders to doubt yourself. Fuck, write that down, put it in a book. Okay, let's bring it home. A lot of blabble today. But hopefully it's brought some insights for you guys. So remember, social media is not inherently bad. Okay, just consuming endless curated versions of other people's lives without grounding yourself in your own reality, it will slowly disconnect you from your worth. Okay. And I don't want you guys to measure your value in likes or comments. Your beauty is not determined by how other people look, especially if they're filtered, AI curated, curated, and your life is not behind. Like you are exactly where you need to be. And if you're comparing yourself to someone else's timeline, then of course you're gonna doubt your own, right? Like you're setting yourself up to fail. And you do not need to become someone else to be or feel worthy. Like you are exactly who you need to be, and any growth or self-improvement that we have at this time is not based on the fact that you want to be someone else. That's not where growth should come from. Okay. You shouldn't work on yourself because someone has a different idea of how you should behave, look, think, feel. It's just because you genuinely just want to feel better about yourself. More connected you become to yourself, the less power social media will have over you and how you define yourself and how you feel about yourself. Okay. So, as always, my loves, I'm going to leave you with a golden nugget question. So I've got, I might give you two because they're just oh god. Here's the first one. Who would I be if I stopped measuring myself against people online? A lot of people ponder on this. They're like, I actually don't know who the fuck I am because I've spent my whole life trying to be what I think I should be based on what I'm seeing online. So if you removed online and the people you're seeing, do you actually know who you are? Do you know who you want to be, who you're becoming? Second question, and I really urge all of you to jump off this, whatever, whenever, wherever and however you're listening to this, do a social media order. So consider this question: Is the content I'm consuming helping me grow? Or is it teaching me to feel inadequate? And if it's teaching you to feel inadequate, go through, unfollow those people. We don't need to see it. I stopped following news pages because it was just depressing. I don't care what's going on in the world, it's gonna happen anyway. When I need to know, I'll find out somehow, right? But I don't need to see animals being tortured or people dying. Like that makes me depressed. So I don't just don't need to see it. Yeah. I don't like following certain influences that are mean and bully other people and do horrendous things. I don't need to see that, hear about it, support them, right? So really go through are you following people that are lifting you up and and providing that beautiful supportive empowerment for you, okay? Alrighty, my loves, that is it, and I will see you next week. Bye! Okay, gorgeous. That's a wrap on today's episode of Woke Up Worthy. If this spoke to you, don't forget to follow the pod, hit that bell, and drop a five-star review so more gals can find this space too. If you're needing some extra support, confidence tools, and maybe some behind the scenes goodies. Tap the link in the description to connect with me and join the community. Until next time, babe, don't forget to choose yourself, back yourself, and more importantly, remember you wake up worthy.