Things I'd Never Do Again in a Relationship

Have you ever looked back at a past version of yourself and thought, "What was I thinking?"

In this episode, I'm sharing some of the most cringeworthy, embarrassing and downright questionable decisions I've made over the years. From staying in relationships too long, to shrinking myself for approval, to staying in environments that slowly chipped away at my confidence.

But this isn't an episode about regret.

It's about understanding that every decision you made was made by a version of you who was doing the best she could with the awareness, confidence and self-worth she had at the time. If you've been beating yourself up for your past, this episode will help you swap judgment for compassion and realise that those "dumb decisions" may have actually been the lessons that shaped who you are today

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Wake Up Worthy, the podcast that feels like the friend who hypes you up and tells you the truth. I'm your host, Jade, and this is your one-stop shop for confidence, empowerment, relationships, and all things us gals are secretly overthinking at 2 a.m. So grab your coffee, girl, get comfy, and let's yap our way into the most confident, worthy version of you. Because babe, you didn't just wake up, you woke up worthy. What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. I hope you are having a fantastic week. Today, I want to go into something a little bit like a story time for you guys. I haven't done a story time on something in my history in a while. I obviously always talk on my own experiences because that's what she should do. That's why I am confident talking about everything I am, because I've been through the ringer. Um, but I'm I'm like, we need some story times again, Jade. I loved my story time. It's a bit traumatic, but you know, all for all for the cause of the podcast. I let's just think for a moment. We all have those moments where we look back on our history, on our experiences, on our younger year timeline, and we go, fuck, what was I thinking? Like, I surely, how did I make that decision in that moment? Right. And it's easy in hindsight when we're older, wiser, you know, we've grown, we've matured. Hopefully we can look back and go, that is cringe. Makes us want to kind of reach back in that timeline, shake ourselves and go, are you a dumb bitch? Like, are you good? Give them a hug and go, come on now. He's a fuckboy. Like, what are you doing? But I'm a big believer that unfortunately we need to go through these life lessons because without them, you know, we wouldn't be the women that we are today or the women that we're becoming. You know, we're all on this journey together. We're still growing. That that end never finishes, and you never get to the end line in this race of life and growth, right? We're always striving to be better. So without these cringe moments, not only are we not growing from them, but we need something to look back on and giggle at, right? That's mentally that's what's getting me through my trauma. So maybe you've never really told anyone about it, or uh, maybe you try not to think about it because maybe it feels embarrassing for some people. Maybe it is so cringy. Maybe it does come with shame or guilt or, you know, just ugh, like ick, right? But I always encourage us, let's let's look back on it, let's go through it. The best way to grow and improve, like I always say, is have awareness. Awareness on the icky moments, awareness of what we're proud of, what we're grateful of. But we can't grow and we can't develop ourselves as women if we don't know, we don't know the moments that define us. Right? So we're gonna do a little bit different today. We're gonna talk about my dumb decisions. My dumb decisions. The moments where I made probably not a great choice or a really bad choice. And now I didn't make these decisions because I was stupid, right? We make decisions based on the skills that we have, the experience we have. But and just I was lost, right? I was young, I was insecure. And how many of us can look back and go, yeah, like I think that's pretty normal in your teens and your early 20s or even your late 20s, right? Fuck, we're still figuring it out in our 30s. So I want this episode to be a platform for you guys to listen and go, whew, like I'm not the only one that made a decision like that or facts. Like I also experienced that. But also, I'm giving you guys permission to go through these lessons without self-judgment. As long as we have that open-mindedness of how can I learn from this? What can I do differently? And we're forever evolving, and we're not hurting others in the process, right? But the self-blame that we put in ourselves to have it all figured out, of course you made that decision. You didn't know any better at the time. Of course you made that mistake, of course you fucked up, of course you lost that person, or of course this person left you, right? Like it's all part of the learning process. And we have to go through it, unfortunately, for the lessons. Okay. I just didn't know any better when I was younger. And who does at that age? I think you'd have a pretty boring life with not much character development if you have it all figured out when you came out the womb, right? And I'm not telling you these stories so you guys can judge me either. Like, hopefully, hopefully, you're not sitting there listening to this podcast wherever you are, going, fuck, what a that dumb bitch. Somebody had her dumb bitch juice this morning. No, I'm telling you them because I want you to listen and I'm sure you have your own version of every single one of these stories that I'm about to tell you. And I just want us to sit down, have a chat, and I guess think that there is so much healing in finally saying, I wasn't a bad person, you know, and I didn't deserve the things I went through. I was just growing. I was just young, right? Like I did the best I could with what I had in that moment. And that's what's really important to say for yourself, especially if you're carrying a lot of shame or guilt or ickiness from your younger years. Like, give yourself a break. Okay, so let's get into it. One of the biggest lessons from my teens and early 20s is staying too long. And I know a lot of us experience this, even to this day in adulthood. We stay too long. So I've given a few different examples of when when I've experienced this. I think most of my relationships in my younger years, I can only think of one of them before I was the this is probably before I was 19, because I did meet a really good person when I was 19. So every single relationship I had before I was 19, except for one who I'm still friends with today, was a shit show. Terrible. Treated like absolute shit. Great lessons. Great lessons, but treated like shit. Okay. Now, it's the reason I'm telling these is not to shit on those people. They probably were going through their own shit, right? Not an excuse, but whatever. This isn't about them. It's about the person I was and how I was feeling and how I showed up and the decisions I made, right? Multiple of those relationships we can look at now as an adult and go, you should have left. You should not have put up with that. And should being a really big word, because what is that based off? That's based off of, yeah, look, you weren't happy. Sometimes you weren't safe. Sometimes you were treated like shit. There's lots of trauma there. So obviously, the um the obvious kind of action there is leave. You deserve better. It's easy to say that now looking back on it. But when you're in that moment, especially as a young person, like what experience do you have? What role models do you have? What do you have in your experience and your history at that age to look back on and go, that is a good version of a relationship that I can look up to? Or that's, you know, what what's happening around you that helps you make decisions to stay or leave? Right? We know things are off. We know that we're not happy. Like I, in these two relationships that I'm thinking about, predominantly, I was in two before the age of 18, 19, two relationships from the age of 13 onwards, just two. Fucking awful. And you know something's off. I was unhappy 97% of the time, 99%, right? But we stay. And every time those red flags came up, there was reasons to excuse the behavior or reasons to stay. And I, even to this day, to this day, as a 33, 33-year-old woman, is I have the personality and characteristics of forgiveness. I'm a very optimistic person, hopeful, and very empathetic and compassionate. So great personality traits, great personality traits as a person, right? But you put those personality traits in a shit situation, and it then looks and feels like and kind of behaves like people pleasing, putting myself last, being hurt constantly, you know, people taking advantage. That's the difference between being in a healthy environment as a forgiving, patient, compassionate person versus being with someone that treats you like absolute shit, right? So we continue to stay in the hopes of it'll get better. Or yes, he does all of this wrong, but here's the one thing he does right. Or even in the I actually tried to leave multiple times in the first one. That was awful. But just as a young person, like you don't have the assertive skills, you don't have communication skills, you don't have like what the fuck is a boundary when you're 14 years old? Do you know what I mean? And it's just chaos. And I know, like, my friends all knew about it because I was in school. So they were witnessing a lot of the traumatic events, right? They actually got pulled into a lot of it. Fuck I look back now and I'm like, my friends are G's. Like, they could have very easily removed themselves. My first relationship tried to very much isolate me and control me, which he did. And in that, I could have very easily lost all of my friends. Um, but they stuck with it. I don't know why, but they did. So thanks, guys. Um so I forgot where I was going with that. I lost my train of thought. But as a young person, especially, because that was my first major relationship. I met him when I was 13 and we split when I was 16. So pretty much my whole fucking high school life was in this traumatic relationship. That's why I don't, I don't have very fond memories of high school, because that is my experience, right? But as a young person, and it's your first quote unquote love, hate to say that, but it is when you're younger, right? You're like, well, this is it. Like I've met my person. I don't, I've never experienced another relationship, but this is it. Like I have to fight for it, right? You work so hard to make the other person feel secure, the other person feel valued and safe, even if in return they are not doing any of that. In fact, they're going out of their way to make you feel the opposite. I'm not receiving respect. I'm not receiving love, compassion, trust, like loyalty, honesty. The list goes on. Like, think of every bad thing that can happen in a relationship and it happened. Yet I always had this mindset of feeling bad for them if I wanted to leave. Or, you know, because they didn't have a great upbringing and a great life as well. So I'm like, I feel bad. And fuck, is it because I have these characteristics in my personality, or which is where I'm alluding to, is, you know, that low self-worth. Low self-worth, clearly no self-respect. And just that this really struggle to make really big decisions like that and stand up for yourself at that age. I've mentioned in a couple of recent episodes that we mistake intensity or drama for passion. A good, healthy relationship is calm. It's predictable, right? Like you feel safe. Nothing that makes you feel like you're on a roller coaster. But if that is all you know in a relationship, you're like, this is just how it's supposed to be, right? And it's always like this inward blame. And it's really hard with this first relationship that I had. I was just so young. All of my friends knew, but your family doesn't, right? And it it was almost like this, it was embarrassing. It was embarrassing. I would never sit down and be like, hey, mum, like I'm in this fucking awful relationship. Like that just never crossed my mind. And it's not that I wouldn't be supportive because my mom would go to hell on earth to protect me and stick up for me and all of this stuff. But like, why? Why do we not want to tell people what's going on? And I know that now. Like, I still have friends that are in toxic relationships and I know that they lie. I know when I say, how's it going? They go, Great. And I know it's not. Because I can see it and hear it. Do you know what I mean? But why is it? It's like so embarrassing. And I think it's also that we want to protect that person because what if we do stay together? What if we, what if he does change, then everyone's got like this tainted image of him, right? Like they're never, your friends never forget. It's like that Justin Bieber song. Like, I told my mom about you, now she knows. She knows you're a piece of shit. So it's the same thing, right? Like, we don't want people to know, which is so fucked up that they treat us so badly, but we want to give this false representation of them out to the world. Why? Why do we protect their image when behind closed doors they are not that person at all? I wonder if it, if we really did tell people, obviously, we know our loved ones would be like, what are you doing, man? So as a young person going through all of this, right? And it wasn't that, it was, it was that first relationship, but also the second. I was a little bit older. And that kind of carried, like, still kind of broken up, but seeing each other through when I was 18 as well. Because this is toward like the end of high school that I was dating this person and used to cheat on me all the time, absolute piece of shit, and stayed for like I think a year or two, like way too long. It's still in this theme of I stayed too long. Okay. And you would think after this first relationship that I finally escaped from that as soon as I had the same pattern in the next person, that I'd be like, ooh, this feels the same, gotta go. No, unfortunately, your brain does not react like that. Okay. So take it from me, takes a few years, right? So the vulnerability to it is at the time when you are younger or whatever age you're going through this, that your self-worth is low because we're the fact that we're being chosen at all, right? And these are the first few moments in that early development of womanhood that we're being quote unquote chosen. Like, fuck, someone's choosing me, someone's paying attention, someone's validating that I exist and I'm worthy of a relationship. Leaving feels scarier than staying. Like you don't even contemplate leaving a lot of the time because it like toward the end of that first relationship, absolutely. How the fuck do I get out? Right. But when you're in it, you're not spending a lot of time, brain power and energy even contemplating breaking up with them. You're spending more energy and time and brain power going, well, what are the reasons I should stay? Or what excuses? And they weren't, I didn't think they were in the moment, but looking back, you know, you can go, yeah, mate, you were full of excuses. Like, well, you should have just left. That is the only logical choice. But in the moment, your brain is like, well, what are some of the reasons this happened? What did I do? How did this happen? What will I expect of him now to stay? And then you put all this fucked up pressure on the other person to go, this is what I expect from you now. It was they don't trust you now, so you're not allowed to see this person, you're not allowed to go out, and it becomes this like toxic, untrustworthy relationship, right? Where you probably should have just left. And they were the first one, especially like a just very traumatic, cringy. Just like the stuff that people around me went through because of it as well. And it just completely destroyed like what could have been very fun high school years with my friends. I'm very grateful that I had such a good group of friends around me that I still had so many good times. And I'm grateful that I had such assertive, strong friends that would just tell him to fuck off. Like, like, shut up, Jay's coming out with us, you know? It's so cringe. But we look back at our younger selves and we're just like, I hope you know that this is not what love is supposed to feel like. Like you know you deserve more deep down. One day you will find your voice, and one day you will leave, and one day you won't put up with this shit. You know, you want to almost go back and reach in that timeline and just say, you know what, Jay, that that version of you that stayed. It wasn't because you were stupid. You know, you were vulnerable. You wanted that validation and you just didn't know any better. Right? You you're taking whatever scraps were made of offer. And then there is the manipulation that they get, emotional manipulation to get you to stay. And because I was such a people pleaser and empathetic, it's like, well, okay, I guess I'll stay. Like I feel bad. He said sorry, even though he did it multiple times, he keeps saying sorry, like look at him, he's in despair. I said I should leave you, you just hurt me. And then they fucking break into tears. Of course I'm gonna stay. I'm not gonna fucking leave someone while they're upset. God, how ridiculous is that to think back on? Well, I'm sure even if you guys have experienced it recently, right? You find out they cheated and they're just a mess. Oh, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. I didn't mean it, or whatever excuse they came up with each week, not exaggerating each week, and you go, yeah, okay, I feel bad, sorry. What? You can't the the moral of the first story, right? Staying too long is you can't choose better until you know that you deserve better. And that's not a character flaw, right? That is just a chapter in your timeline of life lessons. It was a big, heavy, traumatic chapter, but so many lessons, so many lessons. And it just so happened that I was at such a young, vulnerable age for that type of relationship that, you know, you definitely make different decisions and have different thoughts at that age, like 13 to 15 or whatever, than you would if you experienced it when you were 30, right? A little bit, I'm not saying it's easier or harder, but you can understand logically the difference in life experience, um, just being exposed to more things, being in a workplace, you know, understanding what communication is, boundaries, all of this shit. Like you have a bit more experience and being assertive. So it's it's sad that a lot of us go through younger traumatic relationships when we are at our most vulnerable, right? And that's not to say that older ones are more scary because then we date older men and there's a whole other fucking trauma to that. But speaking on this story, my first major lesson in trauma was in that relationship and I was just so young, right? The second story, my second cringe, overarching theme was that I shrunk myself to be liked, right? Shrunk myself to be liked or morphed myself to be liked. So this even happened like in the last fucking five years. I was still doing this. I feel like I had a huge shift in my growth and I felt better. And I don't know why, but this one specific, uh, I wouldn't even call it a relationship, someone I was dating, really brought me back to this place of being a people pleaser. And I didn't know it in the more in the moment. You never do. But now that I look back on it, it like is really traumatics a fucking big word, but like makes me feel uncomfortable that I was almost like reverted back. Like I was in people-pleasing rehab, and then I just reverted back to it. But in these kind of relationships where you're desperate for validation or you're trying to be like, why don't you want to choose me? Like, choose me. Why am I the one that you keep cheating on? Or why don't you like me? Why don't you want to date me? And you morph yourself to say that you like things that they like. So it's like forcing things in common or molding yourself to be liked, right? And I know a lot of us do this. It's embarrassing, but fuck, let's just cut to the chase. We do it, right? When we're vulnerable and in this yucky state that these people bring out of us. Not intentionally, but it happens, right? And I I've it's not even in just relationships. I've had it in workplaces as well. Done a whole episode on it, you know, working in a in a workplace that takes advantage of your people-pleasing nature. They know they can get a lot out of you, even if it's things that you don't want to do, um, just to work you like a fucking horse. And I did and got very sick from it. Um, but especially in relationships, right? We it's interesting that certain dynamics and certain people that you meet will have a different sway on you. Because in the same year, I had met and been speaking to someone that I was very assertive with. They hurt me and I completely cut them off and was like, no thanks. But in the same fucking year, met someone that we had a thing with then cut it off. But I was, I think it was maybe the cutting off for me that I was like desperate to be chosen, right? Like, what do you mean? What do you mean? So it's that dynamic of like two versions of you can exist. And this is why I say that growth doesn't have that fucking finish line. It's constant. And it's interesting that even with all of my skills, all of my experience, my knowledge, the red flags, the lessons, everything, that you can still be put into a situation like a few years ago where all of that goes out the window and you become, you become this version of yourself that's smaller and moldable and easy to manipulate and used, right? You feel worthless in some moments. Still much better than when I was 14. But it's interesting that certain situations can trigger this state of you, right? We start saying yes to things that we probably normally wouldn't do or behave or decisions we normally wouldn't make just to be like, yes, I want to do that. Like, I hopefully that they'll accept me and hopefully they'll think more of me, and maybe they'll like me if I do that. Maybe you hold back on your opinions because you were, you didn't want them to think that you were disagreeing with them or you didn't want to be disliked. You know, you maybe you've downplayed wins so that the person wouldn't feel threatened or call you out or call you arrogant, maybe. There's definitely situations you've possibly been in. I know for me, I have where you're saying yes to a lot of things where most of your internal dialogue was like, why the fuck are we doing this? This is not something we would normally do. Just keep the peace, go with it. Like, yeah, I'm totally into this, blah, blah, blah. You just, it becomes this desperation field that you get back into just to be accepted, right? And you become whoever you need to be to be accepted, to be liked. This fucking chameleon trait that we have. And especially when we're younger, if we don't know who we are yet, we rely on other people around us to acknowledge that. You tell me who I am. Who do you want me to be? Because I want you to like me. So I will be whoever and do whatever I need to be that person for you. Instead of us assertively knowing who we are. Obviously, this takes time and age and, you know, experience in life. But instead of finding out who we are ourselves and then trying to meet the person that accepts that and matches that, rather than just deciding, oh, I like that person. We don't, we're not the same person, we don't like the same things, but I'm gonna mold it so that it makes sense in our head. It never will because we're not the same people, right? But we have to laugh at these things that made us uncomfortable, especially for me. Like a lot of these were recently in the last few years, like I said. And it's uncomfortable to talk about and and think that I was in those situations, right, when I was an adult. But, you know, there's beautiful lessons in vulnerability that I'm trying to say to you guys is there's no perfectionism, right? It doesn't just continue to get better and better and better. You have to constantly be aware and be open to looking back on these moments and taking lessons from them. Because if you're not, that's how you very quickly get caught up in cycles of the same behavior. It's interesting when you're in it that you so desperately don't know that you're going through it. And it's fucked because now, as in like June 2026, I have people in my life where I have to set a boundary with because I don't want to hear about their challenges anymore. Because there's only so many times as a friend you can tell them when they ask you, yes, this is my opinion. Yes, I'll help you leave. Yes, you're not safe. Like, let's do something about it. And then they go back, right? So you eventually set that boundary as a friend and go, look, Moy's here for you, but I just don't want to hear about that challenge anymore from you because it's starting to affect my mental well-being. And I know how frustrating that is being on this side of it. But recently, when I was in that situation, I was a person that kept going back. And I would root a friend of mine, upset about how I'd been treated, and just the frustration in her voice, and I know it because I feel the same frustration with someone else in my life, and she set the same fucking boundary. Crazy. She's like, I don't know why you keep going back. Like, you don't deserve this. He's manipulating you and he's playing you, and blah, blah, blah. And you make excuses in the moment, oh no, but he said this. And you know, like that fishing analogy I give, like you they just leave little breadcrumbs that you're so desperate for like acceptance that you latch on to that little bit and go, oh yes, okay, like I'll stick around. It's building here. There's something coming. And it's just, it's sad. And I you try to not be so judgmental of other people in your life that are going through it because you have been in that position as well. You've been on both sides. And it's crazy that when you're going through it, whether you know it or not, but it just seems so much harder to pull the rug and make that decision versus when you're the friend that's like, bitch, what are you doing? Like, go, let's go, get out, break up with him. He's treating you like shit, right? You genuinely didn't know where you ended and the performance began. Like, how the fuck did I get in this situation again all these years later? You know, there's in this awareness where we look back on things, there's always going to be this specific moment where you can point to it and go, I didn't even recognize myself in that chapter or that season of my life, right? Like, it's almost like you dissociate and look at yourself behaving in that moment and go, yuck, girls, like, where is this coming from? Who who hurt you? Who put you in this little diminished version of yourself because you're not this woman. Why are you behaving like this? Right. And we feel small and we act small. And that's the price of wanting to be accepted or belong in the moment. People, I guess the lesson in this huge fucking point is the people worth keeping, they won't need you to shrink. And we were just never with the right people. And I hope that the more that we listen to these kind of stories is if you find yourself lying about what you like, brushing things over, maybe keeping quiet, doing things that you want to say no to, but you're doing anyway, you know, you really kind of don't feel aligned with how you're behaving and who you are. Normally, a sign, not a good sign, shouldn't be with that person. And that's okay. Like, how do we remove the emotion or the desperation to be liked and validated, to then be able to confidently go, this is who I am, do you like me? Yes, no, versus this is who I like, how can I be accepted? How can I be chosen? Right? Big fucking difference. And my last lesson is staying in the wrong environment too long. Okay, so for you guys, it could be a job, a friend group, relationships, somewhere you stayed after it stopped serving you. So two huge lessons for me. One was a workplace, and as I've mentioned, lots of relationships, right? And sometimes this happens because it slowly builds, right? Didn't feel toxic on day one. It slowly creeps. And the thing with it slowly creeping is in those, in that timeline that it's slowly building or slowly changing is a lot of the time in the beginning, you were either love-bombed or manipulated or you build an emotional dependency or connection. So that when you start seeing red flags or signs, we're very intuitive creatures, especially females, right? Your gut feel is like, hmm, that didn't feel good, or huh, that's strange. You never really spoke to me like that before. You're too far fucking gone in this relationship building or in the progress at work, right? Where you go, it's just too hard now. It's too hard to leave. Or you're so far gone or so far into it that you are, it's easier to make excuses now as to why it's better to stay than leave. You keep trying to convince yourself that it's not that bad. Even as you got more smaller, more anxious, your fucking alarm bells are going off. Like, hey, bitch, remember when we accepted this job and you're super excited and passionate and now you're a fucking shell of yourself? Not the same environment. Should we stay? We should. Okay, cool. Keep going, I guess. Right? And we start adopting people's values or outlooks around us, even if it's not aligned with who we actually are. Because, like I said, we mold ourselves in the hope that things will change or surely this is the right decision for me. I put so much time and effort into this. It would be a waste or a shame if I left and gave up on it. And the word gave up on it is, I think needs to just get right out of there. Because I think a lot of people carry guilt about making a decision to leave or to say, like, hey, this isn't for me, right? There should be no shame in leaving something that's not good for you. Because at the end of the day, it's your life and your experience and your quality of life, physically, mentally, spiritually, whatever, experience-wise. It's your life. So why do we keep making decisions based on how it impacts everybody else? And obviously, there's a difference between being a considerate person that's just a nice quality to have, versus, you know, staying in shit environments for ourselves and shit situations. So we're so focused on the hope and fitting in that we actually stop asking whether we wanted to fit in in the first place. This is a big thing. Why are we trying so hard to make an excuse or convince ourselves that this is we need to stay when it's not a good environment? Why are we not spending time trying to convince ourselves that we should leave? We're trying so hard to change our mind because our mind is connected to our gut feeling. This intuition that's like, this is not good, get out. But our brain goes, hang on a minute. Here's all the excuses that we might be wrong. How does that work and why? You know, so really when you're trying to convince yourself to stay, and I know it's fucking hard. I've been there multiple times. I know. I'm very sorry. I can only say this to you because I've been there and got out, okay? Why are we trying to convince ourselves to stay when we probably don't even think we want to? Really deep down, right? If there's ever been a, excuse me, if there's ever been a moment in this timeline, whether it's a workplace friend or a relationship that you're thinking about right now. Deep down, is this the environment you want to be in? And if you find yourself saying, yes, I'm really sorry, but I think you're fucking full of shit. Because that's you making an excuse. No one, no sane, logical person goes, I want to be in a toxic, traumatic, miserable environment. That's no one's goal in life. When we're little kids and they go, what do you want to be when you grow up? You go, I want to be fucking traumatized. That's not a goal, right? So stop lying to yourself. We all need to stop lying to ourselves. The goal is to be happy. So is the environment you're in making you happy? Yes, no. Let's not fill our minds with excuses right now or all the what ifs, right? Let's just be point fucking blank. Are you happy? Yes, no. I picture, um, I also I found all these things on Pinterest where there's like a should you invite this person to your wedding? Yes, no. Are they family? Yes, no. Have you seen them in the last months? Yes, no. Blah, blah, blah. And it's like that tree logical decision in your mind. Do, are you happy? Yes, no, no. Okay. Has this person shown this behavior multiple times? Yes, no. And you just keep going down. I should probably make one of those. Write that down. Great idea. All right. We need to be logical creatures in these moments. And that is why it's so hard to leave because we are not logical creatures. We're emotional beings, right? So if we could remove those emotions, turn your feelings off the one moment, okay? And when we're trying to make logical decisions and you're struggling, just check yourself. Am I am I including my feelings right now? And that's not to say your feelings aren't important, but sometimes they cloud our judgment and sometimes they make it hard to leave. So at the time, you're having very little self-trust, right? You outsourced your identity to whoever was around you. Okay. Especially if you're a people pleaser and you're in a shit workplace, toxic friends, fan group, or whatever it is. If you don't trust yourself or you don't know who you are, and you have other people telling you, you should stay. It'll get better. It's gonna change. Whatever. You go, okay, I take your word for it, because I don't have my own, I don't have my own voice. So whatever you tell me, I'll do, right? We need that external validation so badly that we're molding ourselves to whoever is giving it to us. We cannot self-validate. So whatever you say goes. And like I've said before, deeper layer here, but leaving sometimes probably means that you might be alone. And that's okay too, but we don't think about that at the time, right? And the bad environment sometimes feel b feels better than no environment at all. Like what's on the other side? We can't visualize it. So a big huge hug moment for you, if if that resonated, is remember the version of you in that season. She seems like a stranger now. And you know, this is if you're looking back and you're out of it. But if you're still in it, there is hope for you. I promise. Just remember that this is a chapter and it does feel hard sometimes, but it does get better. And if you want to look back and you're out of it and you still carry shame or guilt from it, just tell her. Give yourself permission. Like you, you were going through it, right? You're going through it, but it's gonna get better. Stop abandoning yourself. Choosing yourself is okay and you're allowed to leave. Like your own feelings matter more than others. I always say this, it's my favorite fucking quote. I'm gonna scream from the rooftops, but you, you know, you're the average of the three people you hang around. You are the average of the five people you hang around. And you become your environment. You become who you hang around. So staying isn't being loyal. Like that doesn't make you a better person because you're staying. Because I know you're making that choice because you think that's what other people think about you as well, right? And fear isn't a good enough reason to give to give your energy to places that take it and never give it back. So the older I get, the more I'm realizing that most of my dumb decisions weren't dumb. They were just, I was making decisions with what I had in the moment. They were survival strategies, right? And they were the best decisions I could make with the awareness I had at the time, the confidence, the self-worth, the self-trust, the self-respect, and my experience. Like, where the fuck was my experience? 13, 14 years old. And I no longer judge myself. I still look back and it's cringy, and that's okay because I'm no longer that version of myself. So it's a good indication that it's cringy because I understand that I could have made better decisions now that I look back on it, right? And whilst I wouldn't make those decisions today, I still wouldn't be who I am today without those experiences, right? Without those lessons, without those cringy moments. And those, as cringy as they were, those experiences taught me boundaries, standards, a lot of self-respect, what I will and won't tolerate. You don't know that until you go through it. And just overall confidence in myself, my assertiveness. And instead of looking back on those difficult moments with shame and guilt, I look back at my younger self with compassion. That that younger version of me wasn't failing. She was learning, she was growing. And you gather the lessons that eventually have led me to who I am today. So you learn to be grateful for those yucky moments, right? I want to leave you guys with an awesome power question for today.

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Okay.

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Hopefully I haven't fucking triggered you all today. If you looked at your younger self through the eyes of compassion instead of judgment, what would you thank her for? If you looked at your younger self through the eyes of compassion instead of judgment, what would you thank her for? The answer isn't that she ruined your life. She's stupid. She's ridiculous. She's hopeless, right? The answer is that she survived long enough to become the woman that you are or the woman that you're becoming. And that's it. Thank you so much, my loves, and I will see you guys next week. Bye. Okay, gorgeous. That's a wrap on today's episode of Woke Up Worthy. If this spoke to you, don't forget to follow the pod, hit that bell, and drop a five-star review so more gals can find this space too. If you're needing some extra support, confidence tools, and maybe some behind the scenes goodies. Tap the link in the description to connect with me and join the community. Until next time, babe, don't forget, choose yourself, back yourself, and more importantly, remember you woke up worthy.