Trauma Can Become Fuel If You Let It

In this episode, I sit down with George to talk about how loss can either harden you or shape you.

He shares what it was like losing his mom to cancer during his senior year and how that pushed him to understand health, pain, and how people cope. We also get into identity, going from football to feeling lost, and what changed when he stepped into training at Redefined Fitness.

This is a real conversation about grief, growth, and becoming stronger through what you go through.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it, and let me know your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Welcome And Meet George

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey guys, I'm Anthony Eman, owner of Redefined Fitness, and today we have a Redefined Fitness awesome episode. We have one of our trainers on, so super excited to get back to this. George, it's a pleasure to have you on today. How are you doing? It's good to be here. Good to have you here. So we could talk about all things about why redefined fitness and we'll get you started. But I want to go all the way back to why fitness. What initially was that projectile to start finding an interest in the fitness world?

Childhood Loss And Fitness Purpose

SPEAKER_00 0:25

So, not to start off too heavy. Um, when I was in fourth grade, so I guess about eight or nine, my um my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And it came back about four or five times until she unfortunately passed when I was 17. And that was in 2020, so that was right when COVID happened. And that really started to push me to figure out about the body and why things happened. Um, because she was actually a vegan for about six months of the last two years of her life, and knowing what I know now, that's that's what killed her. Because she ate a lot of carbs, a lot of sugar, and it just it fed it. It fed the cancer. Um so knowing what I know now, that's why I want to help as many people as I can. Um but then I lost my train of thought.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

It's okay. Talk to me about your mom gets diagnosed. How old? Eight.

Grief Inside A Family System

SPEAKER_00 1:28

What was that like? I didn't understand what it was. It's like, what is what was it? Like, we we didn't understand she was sick. Um because even really until the very end, she never acted like she was sick. You wouldn't have thought she was, other than when she lost her hair a few times. Because you go to my house around the holidays, she literally would wrap things in tissue paper just to be festive. Uh, my senior year of high school, she actually baked cookies for my whole football team after we won the championship, and she customized them for every player. So we you wouldn't have thought she was sick. Um, and then towards the end, it it was almost surreal in the fact, like, what do you what do you mean? This is this is gonna be the end. Like, what do you mean? Because it just went so downhill so quick. Um, it really started because she had a lot of back pain, so she had a slip disc. And we were pushing her to get an epidural for a very long time, but she's afraid of needles, so it took her longer to get it than it should have. And within a a week of getting it, she said the pain moved and she felt it all in her legs. We later then found out that it was the cancer growing in her femurs and eating the bone away. Um, so before we really knew that it was the end, we actually had surgeons talking about like putting steel rods in there to support her weight. Um, but then as the days went on, she just her body was failing. And um that's they said at the hospital two days to two weeks. We got her home and she lasted about 10 days at the house. Um so yeah, it was we just we didn't really understand what it meant. Um, and that's the thing with death too. It's like she was just gone, and then we're like, well, what now? Because that's the thing when I went to college too, because that's was my senior year, and then uh I graduated. I had to deal with, I just had learned how to deal with things without her. And like something happened, and I like I would have called my mom and asked her for advice, and like I realized I couldn't do that. So that was really something that I had to work on because initially I only dealt on learning how to deal with things without her. I never dealt with just not having her. So that was more growth that I really had to go through later on when I figured that out because it wasn't about like I needed her help later on, it was just more of like, hey, something really awesome happened and I want to tell her about it. Or I went on a date and I think it's the one and I want to tell her about it, and I can't. And that's when it really starts to hit. Must have been tough.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

You say we, so talk to me a little bit about family dynamic. Dad around siblings.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

I have two older sisters, and yes, my dad is is still here too. How was that like for him? It was horrible. Um, is it's interesting because he always called me his rock within a couple weeks before, and then six months after she passed, just because I helped him through shit. I can I say that okay. Um, sorry. Uh I helped him through a lot of stuff and I was there for him. And I really started to notice this when I got back because I I I lived in Florida for four years, so I moved down there in 2022 and I just got back. He said all those great things about me then compared to now when I've had all that growth and I know, or at least I feel, how my family should be acting accordingly now, they just don't want to change. They like complaining about pain and trauma and they like attention. Not all of them, but it's it's it's a it's very it's seen very clearly. And it's like, because I'm not I'm not having that. It's like you say something, you there's a problem, I we offer solutions, and if you just continue to complain about it, then you don't actually want to fix it, you just want to complain. Uh, and I know that goes beyond just families, a lot of people are like that. Um, but yeah, with the growth I've had, it's like, no, that's not how we operate. It's like you either, if you complain about something, you either want to fix it, or if it's something you out of your control, I at least understand it a little bit more if you complain about it, but it's out of your control, so why what are you gonna work? What are you gonna worry about?

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Super mature of you. A lot of people don't think that way. Well, I can tell you if today I had that conversation with people in my life. Just if we know there's a problem, what's the solution? And people people like obsessing about a specific problem and not wanting to come to a solution because I think they like the attention is one aspect of it, but there's also a deeper aspect of it, which is they like feeling hurt. And I know people who get depressed, it's like why they cut themselves, but they're cutting themselves emotionally instead of physically. They want to feel that pain so they feel something. Because otherwise, they say, if I don't feel pain, and this could be how your sisters feel, I don't want to put words in the mouth, but maybe, then mom dying was for nothing. But I want to feel that pain so I get reminded of her constantly. So it's different aspects of why people do act a certain way, and it takes a lot to look and feel differently, like learning to self-regulate your emotions is tough. Like I've talked a hundred times about it. Like I learned that at seventh grade. Like suicide was my catalyst to get there. So, did you find yourself having a catalyst moment where you learned, okay, this is how I control my emotions?

Pain Addiction And Emotional Self-Control

SPEAKER_00 7:04

There were a few. Um, I would say I started therapy about three years ago when I was still in Florida. That was one of the best decisions I ever made. I'm still with my therapist today. Um, and silly reasons, couldn't get over a girl, and that's initially what got me there. But then sticking with him and then going through life with him, um, it's just you continue to grow and you face new challenges. And then it kind of goes back to the oldest thing that I heard from my quarterback coach when I was probably 14 or 15. Don't think of things happening to you, they happen for you because it's how you respond to them. Now, the first time he ever stuttered while saying that was looking at me the day after my mom died. Because at that point, it's very hard to see how that could happen for you or see it as a lesson. Six years later, I I could very strongly say I'm 10 times the man than I was, or possibly would have been. Because again, it's hypothetical, we don't know what would happen. But from that day on when she died to now, I know I'm 10 times the man that I was.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

But how do you teach that to other people?

SPEAKER_00 8:07

It's unfortunate that trauma is the catalyst for that a lot of times. Um, I don't know how it how it's it how do you teach an outlook? How do you get people to just understand something?

SPEAKER_02 8:19

I have done 400 interviews and so many people are in that same boat where they learn that mental regulation, but it takes them, they can only get there through their breaking point. So I think I've come to a sad truth, which is those that go through trauma are actually the ones that had the best opportunities in life. And therefore, I feel bad for the people that didn't go through trauma because they never learned how great they can actually be.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

And a little bit lighter on the side, but like when I was still in Florida before I moved back up here, I really wanted this remote job because I knew I could stay with my girlfriend if I had it, because I wasn't making any money at the time. And it was a Monday after interviewing for about two months. I got the email back from them that they went with somebody else. But I knew I was sad for a day, and then I started looking for jobs up here. Four days later, I had my first interview here while I was still down there. And I I I can gladly say I am in a spot that I prayed to be in right now.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

I know this is a fun example, but I love this example. And the movie is ridiculous. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. But this quote in the movie was great. You ever see Evan Almighty? I have. Okay. There's a scene where he his girlfriend or wife, I don't remember, but she's in a diner, and then God appears. And he sits down next to her. I know exactly. Yeah. And he's like, Well, do people want comfort? Does God just give him comfort or is he given the opportunity to get comfortable? And that was such a realistic point. It's like, yeah, once you open yourself up to the sense that, you know, I'm glad all that happened to me. Because now I have the opportunity to do all these things and I can be happy in my own skin. I was talking to my parents yesterday, and we're doing uh like a little documentary on my life, a little like a little deeper. And I was like, my mom just literally knows we're gonna talk a lot about my suicide. It's like, I was like, I want to tell you, I'm so grateful I went through that. And she couldn't believe it. I was like, I think I'm I'm happier than most people I know. Like, I'm so grateful for every moment I have for all the people I get to see, for other people get to impact, because I if I didn't go through that, I would have just been like lost, like everybody else. Lost in AI, lost in technology, just scrolling, doom scrolling through your phone and not really seeing how great life can be. And I feel like as sad as it is your mom died, that was that moment for you. And in a sense, and I don't know how religious you are, but maybe that needed to happen.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

So, yeah, um, because that was the start, and then I moved down to Florida to eventually try to play football at FAU because I played here and then everything with COVID happened. Um, and I've been playing football since I'm five years old. So it was unfortunately part of my identity. And that was something I really dealt with too when I, I guess technically retired when I was 20, when I initially dropped out of FAU. Um it was so tied to who I was, and then I started working. So when I was working a sales job at LA Fitness, that competitiveness was still there. So then when I had very quick success and was praised by higher-ups, it felt I felt that admiration similar to sports. Um, but then it became way too much about sales. I mean, we've talked about that in the past, and it just it wasn't about what I wanted to be. It wasn't about helping people. And that's why when I found a place like this, where obviously every business needs to make money, but the genuine connections and relationships I build with people, I'm affecting as many people as I can positively. And let me back, let me go back actually. So, like I said about my quarterback coach who told me certain things that I realized later on. He even said that he failed as a player and that let him get a jump start to coaching, which he feels fulfills him much more. So I know working here as a personal trainer is not the same thing as like working with exact athletes in that same sport, but it's a very similar thing. I failed at my sport to then where I'm I'm still basically a coach. It's just instead of working with quarterbacks, I'm working with everybody. And that broadens the horizons to I'm affecting so many different types of people in so many ways. And I genuinely feel fulfilled and happy after working a 12-hour day, having to drive 45 minutes back home. And it's like I said like before, I'm genuinely in a spot that I prayed to be in.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

What do you want the people you work with to get out of working with you?

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Other than a really sore core, because we focus on core stability a lot, um just feeling better about themselves.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

What would that look like? Like, how would you know you succeeded in that?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

They've I don't know, because I I I could say like I just I hope they feel happier in their skin. That's a little bit cliche just in fitness. It's as long as I affect somebody positively in any way, that makes me happy. Like, even the example, an ex-girlfriend that I got going to the gym, we dated for maybe a month or two, but she kept going to the gym after that. So I'm like, okay, it was an experience. I bet but that our experience together benefited her for the for the future because she at least gotten a fitness now. So it's like I had my lessons, she had hers from that encounter. But again, for the rest of her life, she's most likely gonna be going to the gym. So I affected her life positively. And that something as simple as that, that makes makes me feel fulfilled.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

So just knowing that the people coming here are gonna be able to get something more than just training. Because this personal training is it's not really about to work out. Like you can get there, but it's you build a bond with somebody and you want to connect with them on a deeper level in order to give them something that they did not have before. Whereas they're coming in, they're going through hardship, working out's hard. And then you could be that guiding light through that hardship. So how would you know, or do you have like a specific example of someone that you've worked with that you've really seen a change in?

Coaching Clients Into Self-Belief

SPEAKER_00 14:56

I mean, there's a few, and it's genuinely just pushing them because they say, like, oh my god, 50 pounds in the lap pull down, that's that's gonna be way too much. And I'm like, Well, you just did 12 at 40, so we're gonna do this, and then they end up getting 12 reps at 50. And I'm just like, Well, you said that was gonna be too much, and you just did it. So what are you talking about? And they they, for lack of better words, didn't believe in themselves. I pushed them to do it, and they're like, oh wow, I'm actually stronger than I think I am.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

And where do you see this going for you? Where do you want to end up?

SPEAKER_00 15:28

I I basically want to do this on the largest scale that I can. What does that look like? Helping you franchise or corporate owned all over the all over the country?

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Right, but uh think about I gotta figure out the word this, but when you set a goal, I'm just gonna talk through it. So when you set a goal, it's it's great to say, I want to be here. But you need to be specific. And you need to be able to look at a goal and say, okay, what exactly does that look like? Because then that gives you the opportunity to take that goal and then break it down. And then you can work backwards to figure out maybe I want it exactly where I am, but the process of trying to get to what I originally wanted to get is gonna be better off than where I am today. And you have in the aspect of grit, which I really love. I was talking to Yao earlier today about this, but my favorite episode. And what grit means wholesomely is it's two factored. The one factor, which you have a lot of, is you're afraid of failing. You need something that you're afraid of falling back to, right? You want to feel like everything that you went through was worth it, and it's gonna give you something so you can show your family and you can show your mom, like, look what I've become and accomplished, right? You have that. That's only half the equation. The other half, you need the cheese. You need something that's pulling you directly to, but it's maze. So you need to know exactly where in that maze you're headed. So if you really think about it and take a step back, it's where where am I headed? Where am I going? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 17:18

It's a little difficult for me to answer because I know in like the um the head the entrepreneurial headspace, it's like you write down a problem that that's that's half the battle because you have to know what you're solving to solve it. Um, but you asked me before, like, you didn't know how religious I am. I I I definitely believe God has a plan for us all. And following your passion, I know you've talked about that in the podcast before. Um, that's kind of what got me here. And that's what I wasn't praying for a specific plan that I had. I I was praying to influence people positively, to be in a have an awesome work environment, and to make money. And where I am today, just working, again, you'll say what is working through that look like, but just trying to find the best opportunity and not sulking on missed opportunities, like I said, with the job that that didn't take me. Um it's just it's it's really that. It's it's staying positive and working through it, and is abiding the plan.

Faith Goals And The Plan

SPEAKER_02 18:23

I got you. I want to talk a little bit about your personal life and then we can wrap it up. So it's more you went through a lot. You have you have a lot going on in your life, but inside of that, through that trauma, your siblings took a different approach, your dad took a different approach, you took a different approach from that specific catalyst moment. We can say, so what makes George George? What what do you spend time focusing on, prioritizing, and when did that first start happening in your life?

SPEAKER_00 18:57

So I would say my main priorities are my faith and my relationships, which include my family. Um, but as far as the approaches that they took, I kind of see it that I kind of ran away from my problems when I moved out of Florida, even though it ended up being the best thing for me now. Um, because I was away from it all and I got to to grow independently. Being back in my family's house, I now see that they're not really in much different places than they were six years ago. And kind of by choice, I don't I don't want to speak for them, but just from what I witness, it's like I said, they're unfortunately they like to complain and for like they like they like other people understanding their pain, but they don't really want to move forward from that. And they've denied this, but I honestly feel that I I don't want to say jealousy, possibly more resentment towards me, just in the fact that I was able to move on. I miss my mom, I wish she was here, but I can acknowledge that I've grown since then and that life goes on. I'm now dating a girl that I plan on marrying. Yeah, it sucks that she's never gonna meet her. It sucks that she's not gonna be in my wedding, but life still goes on. And I and I see that. Um, my sisters, similar thing. They're gonna hopefully meet great men. They're actually both dating guys now. Hopefully, those work out for them. My mom's not gonna be at their wedding. So that's one of the most unfortunate things that can happen. But they're still gonna have weddings. Hopefully, they still have children, hopefully they still have great lives. As for my dad, he does not really view religion positively. Um but personally, just my years of therapy have actually helped me kind of analyze other people now. The main lesson that he needs to learn is that happiness has not come from one person because for years he said that he just wants to be alone, he wants all three of us to move out. Um but I don't know if that's true. He just he doesn't understand how to cope with his feelings, for lack of better words. Because he went through therapy for a year or two after she passed, and I know for a fact that he that he was just venting. His therapist never challenged him, he never said, Why do you why are you doing this? When literally I actually had a therapy session after here one night in my in my room, and he's been drinking, so he he barges in my room and I and I lost control a little bit. I I was like screaming at him to get out, and it was comical because literally 10 minutes prior to that, my therapist was talking about we're there, we're 90% good, but there will always be there are moments that we lose control a little bit. We have to make sure we remain in control. And he was just laughing because he he saw he actually saw what happened. He's like, Yeah, that's exactly what I was talking about. Like, you're good. It's justified anger that he just your door was closed. That he barged in for no reason. But it's it's not gonna benefit the house. It's justified, but how do we still get past that? Um so yeah, like I said, so he needs to learn that happiness does not come from one person and that he still has three loving children. He has a brother who loves him, he has a sister who loves him, he has a dad who still loves him, thankfully. Um and yeah, it's it's it's really he needs to start living again. Whether he wants to date or not, that's up to him. Whatever makes him happy is what I say. My sisters have feelings towards that, they don't really like it. Um whatever makes him happy. If being single but having a bunch of friends makes him happy, that's fine. If eventually meeting a woman would make him happy, then all the more power to him. Um but he just doesn't understand that he he's not to get into religion a little bit, but he just curses God, even if he set claims he doesn't believe him one day, says his agnostics another day, and he and he says, Why, why would he take my wife? And it's it's it's just it's a bad way to look at it because that's uh I don't want to believe in that a God would take my mom. She was one of the best people I I know. And uh in Christianity, it's uh there's a very clear answer why uh the good suffer and the evil prosper. But he's just unwilling to accept that. And contrary to when we would argue or when he would I don't know the word I want to use, but he would impart his wisdom in quotes on me. When I was 12 years old, I would have no rebuttals. Now, as a 23-year-old man with his more experience, I can actually say, well, no, that's actually not true. Or, but but why why was that? Because he'd always tell me how his favorite college memory was in a philosophy class making these Christian ladies cry because he said exactly what I said. Why would the good suffer and evil prosper with an all all good, all loving, all-knowing God? And like I said, there's a very clear answer. He's just unwilling to accept that.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

There's a lot you could unpack from that. A lot. I want to start with the most obvious answer, because I know you like history. Right. So this is so right up what's going on in our personal life, so it's great. Um go back even a hundred years. Right. And the American dream back then was so obvious. What it was was I'm going to leave my parents, 17, 18 years old. My parents are gonna want me to leave. I'm gonna take a boat three months across the ocean, move to a land where I know nobody, and put a blinder to all that shit I left in Europe to make a name for myself and grow through. And then when I have kids, I'm gonna teach them that same lesson. So I would come to New York, right? Set my roots in Brooklyn, have kids. Now I'm gonna teach my kids to go west and do it again. They would go west, start over again, do it again. This is how we lived for thousands of years. The last 50 years, that all disappeared. Now it's I have kids, stay close, don't leave me. I'm still home. And parents get lost in a parent-sibling relationship relationship where it's I'm still your parent no matter how old you get, and I'm still gonna treat you like a child, and no matter how old you get, even if it's indirect or not direct. And kids learn, my parents are always gonna be there, and they become the helicopter parents who start needing it because they don't have the opportunity to ever learn. And I have siblings that still want mom and dad and go to mom and dad for everything. I don't. I go to my parents when I want to tell them something, but I don't go and say everything. And I I had to learn through my suicide and my trauma that I can figure this out myself. And I have no problem leaving. I plan on moving. You say, no, you love fun. I want to go to Florida, right? So, but I have no problem leaving because I know I can make my own happiness. And I love my parents and I want to be with my parents and I want a relationship with them without a doubt, but I'm a young man. And I want to instill in my kids the real American dream so they don't get caught up in this shit. That when you're adults, go. I want you to live your life. It's sad that I my relation, my happiness relies on my kids being next to me. Because you should have built your own internal happiness, should have built your own internal clock that you can focus on and drive and be your own individual. And if that's the best lesson you could teach your kids, not bailing them out of high school, bailing them out of college. I was at college parents calling counselors. That's not fair, you feel the kid no screw you. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

The kid needs to learn. And I'm sure you've noticed this too. When you're a kid, you think your parents know everything just because you know nothing. And it's like when I was five, six, seven years old, I thought my dad was Superman and that he knew the qu the answer to every single question. As you get older, you realize they don't know everything, they just know more than you because you were literally a child. So, and that's what I credit to my experience living on my own, to where I actually had to figure shit out on my own. Which, yes, of course, if certain things happen, I'd call them and get advice, but I still had to deal with it, even if I was told what to do. Um, but yeah, so it's and going a little further, I think it's even worse now not to get into politics or the state of the country, but less people are having kids because they say don't have kids because that ends your life. When in reality, having kids, whether you're a guy or a girl, is one of the best things. I cannot wait to be a father, especially once I met the girl I want to have kids with. I am counting on the days to when I can get married.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

I don't want to rush it, but I'm but I would ask you when she'll be watching this.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

Well, no, I well, no. Well, she told me how she wants to get proposed to. So she doesn't know when it's gonna happen. But like, I I cannot wait to get married. I cannot wait to be married, because it's not just about the wedding, it's about the marriage after that. And I cannot wait to have kids. And exactly what you said about the American dream, I cannot wait. We're probably gonna homeschool them. With God willing, we have the time. I because I I cannot wait to change the world by changing mine. Because I'm gonna have however many kids we hope we want for, hopefully, that happens. But teaching them, man. Well, um, but we're gonna teach them to live with certain, I don't want to say ideologies, but just uh to understand, to think for yourself, to think critically, ask questions and common sense.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

We're gonna do a podcast on this later, but it's when you go to school and your teacher tells you you're wrong and shuts it down, and that's the end of it. That's the wrong way to think. Instead of you're wrong, why don't you explain it? Or better yet, why do you you couldn't be right, it's just a different way of thinking. I my favorite example is math. I did math in my head, my calculator broke in calculus, just to give you an idea. I would literally do calculus equations in my head and I created a shortcut. And I would always just put the answer. Oh, is there's points. I'd never get 100. And they'd be like, every question was right. But I didn't do the way they wanted me to do it. They were trying to conform me to a system. And 99% of people end up just conforming to a system. Whereas I want to be my own individual person, and that's what I'm going to teach my kid, especially my son. You're gonna be, you're on the virtual. I had this conversation with my wife last night. I'm like, our son, they can go to public school, but I am doing lessons from the second he can start reading and learning about how to learn. He falls, get back up. I love him more than anything in the world, and I want more than anything for him, but you have to fall in order to learn you could pick yourself back up.

Independence Parenting And Critical Thinking

SPEAKER_00 30:03

It's very important, and again, I'm saying this as I'm only 23 and I know you have kids now, but we have to teach men how to be men. Raising daughters, they need to learn that dad's got you until you meet a man that loves you just as much as I do. And that's just not the way it works anymore. We just coddle children, we say do what you want, and that's again, it's a separate conversation, but that starts a lot of other problems that we're having as a society.

Closing Thanks And Subscribe

SPEAKER_02 30:31

And I think it relates personally to life and how we want to change people's and how it relates to your life and how it relates to my life. And it just keeps going back to that same exact parallel over and over and over again. You need some sort of trauma. I wish there was an answer. And if someone has an answer, please let me know because I would love to know. Is there a way? I don't know. But George, I really appreciate you coming on and sharing that story with us. It's been impactful. Look forward to having you here for a long time and watching you grow through the company. Thanks, guys. Don't forget, like, subscribe, share. We'll see you next week.