Purpose Creates Happiness

In this episode, we break down what happiness really is and whether it’s something you can actually build.

We get into depression, bullying, and the moments where people feel like they don’t matter. This is a real conversation about mental health, self-worth, and why relying on others alone isn’t enough. True happiness comes from building it within yourself.

We also talk about practical ways to shift your mindset, from how you think daily to the environment you put yourself in.

If you’ve been feeling stuck or lost, this one will hit.

Subscribe, share it, and let me know your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Real Talk On Happiness

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, I'm Anthony Eamon, owner of Redefine, and we're gonna have a real talk today. Something that's true to my heart, and I'm really passionate about the key to happiness and what that is, what it means, and as we approach May and the scholarship we're doing for Redefined Fitness to help those really going through a tough time and my personal story with it. Is happiness something that can be learned? Is it innate? Is it certain is it circumstantial? I think there's so many key lessons we can learn inside what happiness is, and ultimately, to me, fix this mental health epidemic that we're our country is spiraling to. So, yeah. Great to be here, man.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

Thank you so much for having me on, Anthony. Um God, where do you begin with this one?

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Um let's talk about what is happiness.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

Okay, that's a great spot.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

What is happiness?

SPEAKER_03 1:00

I think you don't learn what true happiness is until you learn who you are. What does that mean? Purpose. What is purpose? What are you living for? What do you want to be remembered as and who? I think that's what purpose is. Because everyone's time is limited. And once you have a clear understanding that I'm not here forever, you start to search or live in that purpose. That is your happiness. And the reason I say this, I didn't become a filmmaker for the money. You know, to use it like I became a filmmaker to change lives. And I know storytelling can do that. Versus someone just saying, Oh, I had breast cancer. No, I'm gonna show you the journey. And then that's gonna let you rethink how you eat, how you treat people, see, just showing the pain that so that was my purpose is how do I tell stories? And um, that's where I started to become happy. So the only way to be happy is to have a purpose.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Yeah, man. I I really I I So what about let's go to me, right? 12-year-old boy, junior high school, depressed. How do I become happy?

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Man, that's a tough one. That's that's that's not a tough one. It's a sensitive situation. I'll say this at that age, um, emotional support, you need a support system. And if you don't and you're 12 and you're depressed, the thing is, look at look at Anthony. That was 12. You were 12, you said, right? Look at Anthony now. The key thing is to hang on. You gotta hang on, man. There's a reason why Anthony's on this earth. You didn't know that at 12, but the world needed you. You're an employer. You are feeding families. You didn't know that at 12. So this is where we need other people in our lives to step in, those talks. Because I think if you would have had those talks, you wouldn't have gone that far with uh tests.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

What I just said, those things? They always said that you know, school is this little micro chasm, and there's so much of a world outside of it, and this there's so much more to life than this what you go through every day. But to me, I was I was in this bubble.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Oh did they did you have did your parents speak directly to you? Anthony, you matter, you're gonna change lives, you're great, you're incredible. They did, and that still didn't get through to you. I mean, it's ultimately prevented me from killing myself. Correct, but also environment plays a big part. You could tell someone all those things, but if he's going back to that same environment, and let's go a little deeper, were you not bullied? Heavily. And did that did that not contribute to the fact that there you go. So, regardless of how great or how much you're trying to raise his self-esteem, the gentleman is still going back to those environments. So, environment plays a heart a huge part in happiness. You have to remove yourself from negativity as well. How? Literally do. How is it working with how? Well, that's you know, that's parental intervention intervention. Yeah, how well you do as a twelve, as a 13-year-old, you gotta be able to voice how you feel if things are going out. And that's why it's important for us to do it. You do you tell your parents of course, so these guys are bothering me at school?

SPEAKER_01 4:15

I didn't tell them the extent that it was suicidal, but but you told them something to happen at school. Uh all the time. And what'd they do? They just kept telling me that they would take their caveat was we're gonna go on vacations to show you that there's more to the world. Nah, nah, nah, nah. I'll take it, I'll take it as I'll keep going. Because it was more. Okay. And it got to the point. I'm I'm iffy on the timeline of what was first, but I remember my mom told me, you know, if it's that bad, we'll go to a different school. And my parents brought me to the Sonaburg School, which is a private school. And we were sitting in the office talking to them about what private school's like, etc. etc. And I don't know if I was supposed to hear this or not, I was supposed to hear this, but I heard the price of what it costs to go to private school. And my parents, I got in, like I passed all the exams and everything. And I told my mom no. I was like, I don't want you to pay that. They were gonna pay it? Yeah. Full hard up. They were set to put me in. They're like, we'll pay for it, don't worry about it. We'll get you out of it. We'll get you out of where you are, like, put you in a new environment. I said no. I couldn't. I was like, that's too much money. I'll figure it out. Yeah. You still remember that number? I don't have I don't remember the exact number. But you remember it's pretty high. I remember. I'm young, right? So it was thousands. Yeah, of course, of course. Yeah. I was like, what am I doing? I'm not gonna put my parents in more financial strain because of me. Who cares a shit about me? I'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

It's gonna sound hard. Anthony, with that being said, so first and foremost, hats off to the parents because they're attempted to help. That's first and foremost. In multiple ways. Vacations and then taking you out of their environment. You're the one that declined.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

So therefore How many times does someone suicidal decline help? Always. How many times do they go to therapy? Do they go into health clinics? Do they talk to people, talk to therapists, and they try to, and they they go for it, it never works, and they end up people want to help them and they push them away. Or what how do you know someone's gonna kill themselves? What's the first thing they do? They push everyone around them away. So they're like, okay, if I kill myself, no one's gonna care anymore because I have no one else in my life. That's what you miss. That's what people miss. Everyone else gets pushed away. I had a friend who in college tried to kill himself. And I didn't know it prior to it happening, obviously. But I was his only friend. And he did something really screwed up to me. And I said, screw you, get out of my life. And that night he went to go kill himself. So he did it deliberately. He tried looking back and like hindsight, right? I didn't know any better. It was in college, it was stupid. But he did it because he didn't. I was his one attachment to the world. And he intentionally pushed me away so he can go do it. And I'm gonna say there's a higher power. It was 2:30 in the morning at college, and he laid in the middle of the road, pitch black, and he's like his figure he's just gonna get hit by a car, right? It was a Saturday night. The car that came was a cop car.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Oh that's God. He would have been done if that was a normal he'd have been done. He would have been done. Oh wow. So these are the signs. One is pushing everyone out. So do you think if your parents would have fought back a little more when you said I don't want to, they said, no, you're going here. Would that have changed? Because now Anthony's being treated a bit differently amongst different kids. But but essentially it's the bullying that contributed to it. So now you're not bullied anymore. No, mentally. So you just weren't happy inside. I wasn't happy who were with who you were at 12, 13. What made you unhappy about yourself? It's the things that they said about you, the kids?

Why Therapy Alone Can Fail

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah, it was the things they said, just my self-esteem. It was what my value and worth felt like. I felt useless. So I'm so young though. I begged the question then. How do you talk to someone like that? Because I'm not alone. No, of course not. I I lost, my brother lost his best friend to suicide, 22 years old, killed himself. Like, I'm not alone. And it keeps getting worse. Mental health keeps getting worse. That's true. This is wild. Suicide rates are skyrocketing. But so are the amount of people going to counseling. Both are going out the same. And obviously, correlation and causation don't go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

I was about to say that's about okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

But it's interesting. Now, how many people do you talk to that go to therapist and talk out loud about their happy to go to therapy? So everyone talks like staunch line. I go to therapy, I go to therapy. And I don't think it's the answer.

SPEAKER_03 9:29

What is the answer then? If you're not happy, it's just you need love, man. You need to feel loved. You didn't you need to, it has to be a reminder that you matter. And usually people that are suicidal feel that they don't matter.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Okay, let's use this scenario. Right? Let's say you're married. I'll use myself, for example. I'm I'm married. I'm very happily married to my wife. If she died, and my happiness was completely relying on her, what would I do? Yeah. I'd take my own life. Right? But if that wasn't the only thing that drove me.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

And I had my own internal happiness.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

I was about- Yeah, you have to love yourself first. Yeah, I was guessing if your happiness is relying on someone else existing, that's a huge issue.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

So let's take the therapy example. If I, my family or therapy, or whatever the case may be, or my friends or my loved one, if I keep putting that my happiness is relying on these people, I never learn the inside battle. And I'll never ultimately get better. Ever. I'll just keep doing these ebbs and flows. Or I'll start feeling better, start feeling better, start feeling better. And go down. And then something happens with that relationship and it's down, it's gone. And I start feeling better, something happens with that relationship, and it's gone. You have to win here.

Training Self-Love With Repetition

SPEAKER_03 11:00

So when did you love yourself? After I won here. How did you begin to love yourself?

SPEAKER_01 11:09

Yeah, uh, change your brain chemistry. How does one do that? Great question. I think there's multiple ways of doing it. And my way maybe isn't for everybody, but it's about circuiting your brain. I'm gonna use a non-mental example to help create an analogy. I'm a personal trainer, right? Or fitness, it's my world. You can go look this up if you don't know about fitness. Yeah, we call it in our industry mind-to-muscle connection, right? And the funny example of it is everyone always watches guys that work out, they do the tit dance.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Right?

SPEAKER_01 11:51

The oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You can singly contract your pec muscles. So you learned that through mind-to-muscle connection. I am now learning in my brain to control and contract this pec muscle. Someone untrained can't do that. Okay, that's true. Right?

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

So how do you learn this? Repetition.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Practice, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Constantly trying to train that muscle until eventually your brain creates a direct circuit to it. So now I can contract it on command. Wow. Take it to the what I did for happiness. I didn't know it back then, right? But repetition, repetition, repetitive thoughts is how I did it. So I had two issues. I wasn't happy and I was very shy. So I said to myself, for years straight, thousands of times a day, you're happy, you're happy, you're happy, you're happy, you're happy, you're happy, you're happy. Or when I went to go talk to someone, you're outgoing, y'all go, and yako, and yakko, and yakko and yakko and yakgoing. You know what I did not say? I did not say I am not, because our brains can't process not. It's I am. I am this. I am this. This is brilliant. And then over time, little words would come out and a little smile would come across brilliant until I became that. Brilliant. I then trained my brain to now fire a different direction. And when we look inside the brain as a whole through MRIs, we can see that it creates these circuits to different areas, right? It's all electricity. So I can change the neural pathway by constantly pushing it through. Our brains are very lazy. The laziest things in the freaking world, right? You ever like uh try to go do something for the first time, like mentally, it's mentally tasking you, exhausted. Yeah, yeah. And then after a while, it just second nature. Second nature just comes. Because your brain has to create that neural pathway, and when it eventually does, it now can quickly fire because it wants to be lazy again. You burn so many more calories when you're doing something for the first time that's complicated. It stresses you out, your heart rate goes up, you start sweating, right? When you get that first heart equation, yep, yep. But then when you get it, you get I got it, I got it. Now I'm comfortable getting up the stress. So it's the same thing mentally. You can train your brain to short circuit to that outgoing and to that happiness, to whatever it may be, through repetitive thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

That's how you do it. So to prevent suicide or lower it, you have to be internally happy through repetitive positive thoughts.

Grit Trauma And Living Forward

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Repetitive positive thoughts that you have to be convinced of. And now there's a caveat to it. And this is the thing I don't have an answer to. And I would love opinions. I had to get to the point where I made the conscious decision not to kill myself. Correct. And that's why I chose the fix. That's what I'm seeing.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

That's what I would say. What was that trick?

SPEAKER_01 14:47

That's what I'm saying. My caveat was I'm gonna upset my parents. If I kill myself. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. If I kill myself, I'm gonna upset my parents. Why? I don't wanna because I won't be around, they won't be happy anymore.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Because they love you. Correct. That's what so you have to feel. So what is the what about the person that doesn't have that? Right. That's saying there's see there's two sides.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

And that's why you gotta love yourself. You gotta, you gotta, so it comes to a point, you need to have some kind of social connection, but not be relying on the social connection.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Correct. Now, what do you say to those that have no social connection, lost their mom and dad, have no brother and sister in foster care. How do you save that person? That's being, I don't want to say the word, but sexually molested by this foster parents and pastoral. People got terrible eyes out there. Oh, yeah. I'm very unfortunate. What do you say to that person? That you so the reason you didn't want to go is because you know you disappoint people that you knew loved you and you love them. That is what changed everything. Through that, he created a process internally to continue to tell himself positive thoughts so that he can stay around for them. Through doing that, he loved he started to love himself. What do you say to that person that does not have those parents? That's alone. Two things.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

And this is the second one's gonna be hard. I'm blanking in the name of the book. The author's Mark. Great book. I'm freaking blanking on it. I know it has fuck in it somewhere, the title. That's how I remember it. Oh, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Oh, okay. Great book. Really breaks down that question. But the first component of that is if you have a really shitty life, you're at the you're at the point of it's all gonna end. You need to have grit. And the grit in the aspect of there's always better for the future. There's always that cheese, always something you can go for. And life can be better if we show you that there is a possible way. And I think the best way to do it is to put those people in with other people that have been in the same boat. Molested rate, put them with people that are happy that have been blessed rate.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

You believe that you believe you believe that?

SPEAKER_01 17:15

The ones that are happy with it, yeah. Like I want to give back because I know that other people hearing my story that can relate, oh, he did it. I'm not better than everyone else. Exactly. I don't know the freaking hole at the wall. Like, and they these people look up to you, right? These kids, they'll say, like, wow, look at this guy. He does this. Yep. I want to go talk. It's my job and my moral obligation to go talk to those kids that feel like there's no hope. And like, listen, I ain't the smartest chicken, right? So you have a way better shot than I do, being more successful than this. Yep. So that's that's the first part of it. Okay. I think it's that. The second part of it, this is the heart-built apart in that book. You have to move on. Yeah, but that's yeah. If you constantly think about the past, you'll never strive for the future. And things happen in life, and it's you know what? I feel bad for you, but like let's move on. And the people that make you keep talking about it is what ultimately triggers you to get upset, and you need to look at the future as opposed to looking in the past and look at your current state and what's going on in your current situation, how you're gonna do better going forward. But going to someone and constantly trying to relive trauma, like I'm talking about this and I'm getting upset. Yeah, like how to make me upset, put me in a bad mood. Let's talk about this. I've had this conversation now, I'm getting upset, like visually upset, because I'm reliving it. And if I was at that point when I was 13 years old, this could be detrimental to me.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

Yeah, that's what this is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

So why is constantly reliving it good? Why do we constantly talk about it? And there's two frames of thought. There's everyone knows who Sigmund Freud is. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:15

Father psychology, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Right? Everyone talks about it's father psychology. Yeah, and we've that's how all therapists follow, they all follow him, right? It's tell me about your mother, is like the joke, right? Everything's in the past. Didn't you know there was another famous psychologist, the same time frame as Sigmund Freud, who had a completely different train of thought? B.F. Skinner? Adler. Oh, okay. Okay.

unknown 19:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Adler's framing was the past doesn't matter. It's all about the now and working with what you're doing now and building human connections. And I think Sigmund Freud was wrong. And I think us following him is what projected us into where we are now. Okay. I think Adlyrian psychology has it way more right. Wipe out the past. Think about a thousand years ago. Let's go back. You're gonna sit there and worry about your past, or you're gonna figure out the hell of food you're gonna eat.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

Yeah, but the past is I I think the past is what makes you who you are, and so you don't repeat the same mistakes. Correct, but you always you need to strive to live.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Correct. If you don't do, you're gonna die. Correct. Right? You're so you're gonna constantly try to level yourself up. Depression rates, suicide rates 500 years ago were almost none. Right? They weren't there. What do we do? We got ourselves comfortable, we got ourselves living in our thoughts. We got ourselves comparing ourselves to other people all the time though.

SPEAKER_04 20:50

Yeah, yeah, right?

Purpose Keeps People Alive

SPEAKER_01 20:52

What the fuck are we doing? No, we're we're you are just as good as anyone else next to you, is just as good as the other person. We all live in the same field, we all live in the same realm, we just have different roles to play, and that's fine, and we can all do great in our specific role. I'm no different from a 13-year-old boy to a 27-year-old girl to an 80-year-old man. I am no different than these people. We are all the same individuals, but we all live in our world to help each other and move each other as together as a society forward, and we have to keep looking forward and stop looking back. We want to do better. Now I want to turn into psychology of what is grit. I did a 45-minute episode on this, I love it. I suggest you go back and look. But is grit teachable? That was the question I asked. Correct. The answer is yes. Short version for you. Why? When you do a study with a rat and they have a rat and they're telling this rat, okay, they put a tension wire on it, right? So they can measure quick how much it pulls. Pulls, yeah. Put a piece of cheese in front of it, right? That's the Gold it pulls at a certain level. Okay, take the cheese away. Now we're gonna put cat pheromones behind it, right? Fear past pushing you forward. That rat pulled even harder.

SPEAKER_04 22:14

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Wow. Now that it took the cat pheromones and the cheese at the same time, pulled 10 times as hard as the time before. Wow. So is grit teachable? Yes. Is it related to happiness? Yes. Is it related to purpose? Yes. But you need to be afraid of something. You don't want to fall back.

SPEAKER_03 22:39

And you have to want something. You have to want something and that gives you purpose. That was phenomenal. Wow. Holy smokes. And that is the solution to kill. Well, to decrease suicide rates. And people that don't feel loved or feel like they don't belong. Purpose.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

You have to have purpose and self-love. But that gives you self-love. Correct.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Right? So when are people the most upset? You know?

SPEAKER_03 23:09

When are people the most upset?

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Take professional athletes. Right? The best of the best. The second they stop playing their sport.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

Oh, when they're not living in their purpose. Yep. You're 100% right. They've nothing to live for. That's why millionaires, when they retire, well, you know, younger, when they all just want to retire. Dan Log, he was a millionaire. He said, My job, what I told my mentor, is just to become rich and retire and live on a beach all day long. He did it. Once he got there, got to retire and live on the beach when he was like 25, 28, said, I can't do this. He went back to work. He said, I gotta keep growing a business. Purpose is what keeps you alive. So you so, regardless of what goals you have written down, and that's why I was saying, that's the thing about entrepreneurship. We can never stop.

unknown 23:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Because there's some people that will stop. But there's another way to create purpose. What do you mean? Which is the way we've done it for tens of thousands of years. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

What? Kids? Family? Purpose changes. That's correct.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

Um, I want my species to live. What do I have to do? Procreate. That's your purpose. Now my purpose is to raise those kids and make sure that they can have kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

So, with that being said, Anthony's happiness, internal happiness for himself, his own goals, there's a threshold would redefine, and then his purpose is going to change to Dustin Savannah. Yeah, there'll always be both. So there is a limit when it comes to your entrepreneurship. There's a there's a point you want to reach and go, I am done.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Yes or no? I'm not gonna retire now. Because what's gonna happen? And what you see all the time with retirees. Right? Mm-hmm. My kids are married, they're their own kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

See, but that's what I'm saying. So that so then therefore it never changes.

unknown 24:59

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

It's always there. I have to shift back to Yes. What do I do now? Correct. When Anthony's 55, 60, he's like, I'm bored, dude.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Go back to the marriage episode. Who's the most priority person in your life? Your spouse.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Over everyone else. Your partner. Is it the partner? The most important person you should choose. Correct. Because my partner will be there for me. My partner will be in theoretically, your partner's gonna live as long as you do, right? You're gonna spend more hours together with them. They're not going off to have their own family. I see what you just people could take it to the opposite extreme and then they lose their purpose and they get depressed. And I see this with people who are grandparents now, right? Their kids have kids, and then they start getting depressed because they forget that their kids have lives.

SPEAKER_03 25:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

And start putting their own families. So now they become depressed because they don't have their own eternal happiness. They don't, they're not with realizing that their true purposes were spousing with themselves to put themselves onto a deal. Yes. They're still relying on their kids to the happy happiness, which is a third of the kids. Correct. You know why?

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Yes, I know. You know who chose to be with you? Your spouse. It's so true. Wow. So you don't choose your parents? Yep. You don't choose your kids, you choose your spouse. And your spouse choose you. So I think I ask you.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

So, so, so what is Anthony Amon's purpose? Flat out. What is it? I want to be remembered forever. Life changing, world-changing.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

I think that's why I was so depressed. Because I knew that. You knew that at 12 or 13 years old? No, I knew that when I was five, six.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Seriously?

unknown 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Where'd I come from?

SPEAKER_01 26:54

I don't know. But you knew you wanted to do something great. You can ask my parents when I got to like 16 years old, I had 50, 60 quotes paid posted all over my wall. Right? I believed in repetitive thoughts. So I'd put quotes that were related to my life all around my room. And over the years, I'll take a couple down. Until I eventually got to only a couple of them. And the one that always stuck with me, which is all over my Facebook, which is I talk about all the time, and that I thought about when I was a young, young kid. You only live twice. You live up to the point where you die? Or you die twice, not lived twice, died twice. You live to the point where you die, and then you die the second time when the last person is names. I want to live forever. I want to have such an impact on this world that I live forever. I want my kids and my grandkids and my great-grandkids to stand before and be like, look what they did. You know why? Because I was so on the bottom of the freaking totem pole. I want someone to say, if you did it, you live forever. Come on now, I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna change trillions of lives.

Level Up Your Circle

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Let's do it. That's it. That's the mentality. And your your legacy lives even longer when you can find like-minded people because you can accomplish way more. That's why it's so important who you choose to surround yourself with, man. Let's not okay. Because that's the secret.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

That's the answer. We're social creatures. Oh, I was like, he figured it out. What is that? We're social creatures. Okay. We live in the current, we follow Adlyrian psychology. We need things around us to have a positive impact. Correct. To help sometimes we need a little push in the right direction. So, what is the key and the answer to everything? You say surround you your environment. The people that you surround yourself with you spend the most time with. You want to be happy now? Hang out with five happy people all the time. You're right. You want to be healthy? Hang out with five healthy people. You want to be rich? Hang out with five rich people. You will always average out to the group of people you've been hanging around with.

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Now, how do you find those people?

SPEAKER_01 29:18

You do. It's always an answer. It's a really system. It sounds lame, you do, right?

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Yeah, because it's not a direct so if you're you come, if you're dude, if you're impoverished, you don't come from anything, you want to be rich, what the heck do you do? Environment's definitely.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

You hang out with people, let's say a one to ten, your poverty zero, right? You hang out with ones. The people that are still in poverty but are making something. You average up to them. Now you open up the next level. It's like a video game.

unknown 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Hang out with twos. People that are just getting by. But there's another way in. You know? You can cheat code it, but good luck. Increase your value.

unknown 30:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:03

But increase, but you increase your value. You don't understand how to do that unless you surround yourself with the people that know how to do that.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

Yeah, but you can't get around those people if you have no value. Successful people want to be around people that are bringing it.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

That's why you can start at the bottom and only work a level up. And what is that level up? Let's say what is it? Like just it could be let's say you're making zero dollars a year to ten thousand dollars a year. And how do you get there? There's people around you. No. Okay. What if they're not?

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Okay, and there's no example that they're not. What do you mean? Yes. This what if you come from an environment or neighbor where everyone's a loser? They have no money, everyone's broke.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

Like what I would bet my life there's people that are that we consider losers that make slightly more money than you do.

SPEAKER_03 30:47

You know what the answer is in?

SPEAKER_01 30:48

You gotta leave. Sometimes you gotta pack up and leave, dude. You could you can do that. You're trying to, but then you're gonna go through more hardship trying to jump a few levels, which is fine if you can endure it. Yeah, yeah, but you just risk is everything. Of course. But if you want a less risky way, hang out with just people that are slightly above you, and you keep doing that over and over and over and over.

SPEAKER_03 31:10

I see what you're trying to say, but also you're advice. Let's say you're trying to do that. Sometimes your environment stifles you. You try to hang out with people that are more successful in a different area, whatever. And you come back to the same neighborhood, you're never gonna grow because you're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

You're cool out because you're constantly finding different people. That's what I'm saying. You gotta leave sometimes. Yeah, you gotta leave. You'll always drift. Yes, yes, yeah. You're always ungrowing. You wanna be happy, hang out with people that are maybe maybe suicidal. So hang out with people that are just depressed, not suicidal. Then you get that just depressed. I don't know about that. Then you want to hang out with people that are just neutral and become neutral. Then you have people that are happy, hang out with people that are happy. Why not just go straight to people that are happy if you're depressed? What if you can't find them? What if your social circuit prevents you from hanging them? And what if, excuse me, you take five people that you normally hang out with and you just find the person that is the happiest out of those five, and then connect to them as the most important.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

So you still do that, you're still level.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's that's just the answer. That's what people slow progression. You have no job hang out with a guy that works at McDonald's. After McDonald's, find out the manager, and you do slow progression. That's one way, and then you know there's other ways around it. There's other ways, value is another way. I think that's the best way, honestly. How do you build value? That's the question. I mean, well, now today's side, your research, find out what your passion is. Like, for example, you wanted to be a gym owner.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

Your passion is to eat, your passion is not to kill them, you're to kill yourself. That's your passion. Wait, say it again. Think it back. Your passion is, let's say you're poor, your passion is to eat. I'm starving. I don't give a fuck about I want to be this kind of person. I want to eat. Right? I haven't eaten in two days. That's all you're thinking about is food. Or you're super suicidal. I want to not cry for 20 hours a day. I want to cry maybe 10 hours a day. Like it's it's hard to say find your purpose when you're not in that mental state. Right. It's the hierarchy of needs, right? Pablo's hierarchy of needs. So it really depends on where you are. So it's hard to say purpose because it's so high up.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

I see what you're trying to say. You have to start, you have to start here. You're right. So I think to my point, what I'm trying to say is to find genuine happiness, ultimately, the stage you need to get to is finding your purpose. That's what I'm saying. Right? It's inner peace. That's the highest level. Yeah. That that, yes, yes. And if the and if some people never find it. That's the most people never find it. Yeah. Never, ever, ever. A lot of people in their careers they don't want to be in, dude.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

You know the people who find it and have always come back to the people that have gone through shit. Yep. Those people that find it. Yep. The people that had life stabbed them in the back, beat them down, constantly kick them.

Talking To A Suicidal Teen

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Those people find it. And the reason they find it is because they're still standing. So they have the veracity and the resilience to keep going. It's the Rocky quote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much, it's just you gotta keep going. That's why when you said in the beginning, I said, you gotta hang in there. Yeah, just stand back up again. You got you gotta hang in there. Well, let be done, stand back up. Let be done, stand back up. Stand back up. If you can do that, not only will you find your purpose and what you're supposed to do in life, but you'll find genuine happiness if you don't quit two marriages, three marriages, four marriages. Let's be able to keep going. Eventually they find it. Some people get it, some sometimes you get it right. One job, next job, career. I was a lawyer, then I became a doctor, then I found what I love to do. I love to paint, dude. So let's go back.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Yeah, I was gonna talk to a 13-year-old. What? You're gonna talk to a 13-year-old 13-year-old in front of you right now. Suicidal. What do you say to them?

SPEAKER_03 34:42

I'm talking to a 13-year-old that's suicidal. Let's just play let's roll play it out. You're 13. You're suicidal, yeah. Anthony, what makes you feel like you don't belong?

SPEAKER_01 34:57

No one cares for me. No one loves me. I don't I don't have anything worth living in this world. Maybe it's better if I just leave.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Okay. That's how you feel. How do your mom and dad feel about you? If they were to hear this, you saying it. How do you think they'd react to that, Anthony?

SPEAKER_01 35:13

How Anthony felt or how this role playing worked? Role playing, whatever. My parents don't care. They were too busy to care. Okay. Who do you live with? I'm just kind of home. People come in and out. My parents work two jobs. Okay. Weekends meet. Okay. But it's really just me.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

Got you. So it's really you kind of take care of yourself. You pay mortgage?

SPEAKER_01 35:35

No. Who pays? My parents do. They work two jobs. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

And you live there free?

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

You don't pay any bills. Do you not would you not define that as love? People that are caring for you physically. I'm a burden to them. You're circumventing the answer. Do you not define that as love? People are working two and uh jobs to make sure you're a good thing. How do you know that? Why do you think they're working two jobs? You pay nothing. You going to school? Yeah, I go to my junior high school. How is Christmas? How are holidays? Nothing happens. So nothing happens to you. So just because you don't see or feel love doesn't mean you're not. Sometimes you're not looking hard enough. You're loved, man. No one loves it. No, that's well, you live somewhere. There are people that do love you. The problem is two things. One, you stating no one loves you is convincing you that no one loves you when you're completely wrong. It's the complete opposite. Secondly, the problem is not that no one loves you. The problem is you don't love yourself. And that's what we gotta work on. We gotta get you to love you. People do love you. That's why your parents work two jobs, not just for them. That's why you stay there. That's why your holidays people are present.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

My dad beats me too, man, so I don't know. You just made this session a lot harder with that one. Your dad beats you. I'm gonna give a real example. Yeah, keep going. This is Okay, all right, just keep going. So your dad beats you. My dad beats me, no one cares. What about your mom? He yells at her, hits her.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

So you okay, so your dad, you feel like your dad is the one of the main main issues in your in your life. He's my stepdad. Oh, stepdad. Where's your real dad? He's on around, he left when I was young. Okay. So it's your mom said, How's your how's your relationship with your mom?

SPEAKER_01 37:22

We try.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

What does that mean? Try to be happy with each other. Okay. What is your how does your mom treat you? How do you feel about your mom? What's your mom's name? Sherry. Sherry. How does it make you feel when I say Sherry? What's the first thoughts that come to mind when you think of mom, Sherry? Mom tries. Mom tries to do what? But you know, dad hits me so much. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's stay with mom for a second. Mom tries to do what? Can I stop you? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

You know the story I'm saying? No.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

Tony Robbins. Oh. That's his story?

SPEAKER_01 37:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

His p his dad was Stepdad's was abusing him and his mom.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Yeah, and uh he said that what changed his life was there was a Thanksgiving where they had crackers.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Okay?

SPEAKER_01 38:11

They were broke. He said really broke. Okay. And I heard a knock at a door, and someone had four bags of groceries with them. And he the dad came down and said, We don't take charity and slammed the door in the guy's face. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. So the guy left the bags there and left. And then later they opened it up and ended up eating it. And he goes back and he says, That was the first time in my life I saw that if someone cared, a stranger who we owe nothing to left food for us to eat. And that's when I knew that people cared.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

But that confuses me because so the reason I was doing that is for again, repetition, words are become things. When you keep telling yourself no one loves or no, and I'm trying to tell your mom does, prove to me she doesn't, and you keep going, no, no one cares about me. You're deliberately leaving your mom out, knowing she does love you. So I'm trying to drive that point home that your mom loves.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

That's what depressive people do.

SPEAKER_03 39:19

So why is it that an outsider had to show care when your mom does it every day? Why don't you see that your mom Why didn't he see that? I don't know. Yeah. So this yeah, man, you know, it's a crazy.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

That's why he does a billion people a year food drives, because it changed his life and he wants to help him change other people's lives. That's what drove him. Wow. For me, it was repetitive thoughts, and I think at the end of the day, the only person who can fix you is you.

SPEAKER_03 39:47

Anthony, let me ask you something, because now this brings an important point. People that are suicidal tend to have, not all the time, but tend to have a parent, parent, brother, sister, someone loved one that loves them. But it's from now what I'm getting, just looking at seeing what we're talking about, it seems like those that you were raised with in close proximity to you, that love is not enough to keep you from taking your own.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Because sometimes you want to do it to relieve them. That's who you convince yourself of.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

But it takes an outside force. Sometimes. Or for him, it was outside. For me, it was I guess a little bit on the outside knowing that they would be upset. Right? That was me and my parents would be upset if I did it. That's the only reason you didn't do it. Correct. So that's but on the flip side of it, let's go the other way. If I never got to that point, let's say I was just depressed, and I never became suicidal, I would probably still be depressed. Because I had to bring myself to such rock bottom to realize this change. Take your favorite example, entrepreneurs. The most successful entrepreneur entrepreneurs are self-made and started from nothing. They had to hit rock bottom and learn to learn to build themselves up. For happiness, I gotta hit rock bottom in order to learn to build myself. You have to be down to the point you're done. You're done. You're done.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

But that's where love is built. Self-love.

SPEAKER_01 41:25

That's where self-love is built. I'm gonna implement things that are gonna just give me this hope that gets constantly up and down. I end up on this roller coaster. And because out of love, and as a parent, if my son's upset, I'm gonna do everything in my power to make him happy. Like that's my job as a parent. Like I want the kid to smile, but I'm doing that kid a disservice. Right? Take it, take it to the silly examples. My son falls, he's two years old, falls all the freaking time. If I'm oh, it's okay, honey. I pick him up, kiss him, blah blah blah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 42:03

He's not learning anything.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

He's not learning anything.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Yeah, that's why I don't do that to my daughters. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

If he falls and I say, okay, get up.

SPEAKER_03 42:10

Yeah, that's what I do. Right? Get up, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

He's gonna learn to pick himself up. Correct. The coddling is what makes it worse. Hundred percent right. If my parents call in my teacher to say, my son deserves an A, not that my parents never do, but no parents are due. And the parent, because that kid, the kid never learns. Never learns.

SPEAKER_03 42:29

And it all catches up later on. So you have to hit rock bottom. Oh, I know I know a guy that was coddled by his mom, and yeah, it just turned out so bad.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

If you go to the doctor and you go on antidepressants, and those antidepressants hold you up a couple points, and then you stop taking them, you're gonna hit rock bottom again.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Yeah, yeah. You're always dependent on something.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

That's the point. You're gonna go to a therapist and become dependent on that therapist. Correct. You're never gonna hit rock bottom. Correct. Now, how do you how do you say to somebody you have to hit rock bottom and you have to question everything while worrying that they're they're gonna do something stupid, like kill themselves, because people will take that option, right? So it's a this crazy balance of be there for someone, show love, but don't directly pull them.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Yes, be that indirect so they don't go too far. But they have to learn. No, no, no, yeah. But be there for them so they don't go too far. So it's like your son, not whatever.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

Don't say f you buy.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01 43:29

That's what my son falls. Let's get up and go. I love you, and my love will strike. I should want to show you to do this on your own. You don't need me.

SPEAKER_03 43:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

So you're teaching them they don't need you. Correct. Independence. That's how they teach independence, and that's where we fucked up.

SPEAKER_03 43:44

So do you think were you coddled as a younger kid? Too much love never taught you independence, and at a certain point you hit a ceiling where as a parent, as a B devil's advocate. You want to give that love. Correct, but you have to limit it sometimes. Yes, but how do you teach a parent that? Well, these are this kind of this is it. The epidemic with everyone wanting to take their own lives. This is what you have to learn. These are the conversations. This is how you learn. People are gonna watch this and go, oh, they're right. If I keep calling all big, spoiling the it's not teaching them any sort of independence.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

How do we screw our society up? Participation trophies. Yes. Everyone wins.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

No, everyone in the football team gets expensive.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

How do you do better? You lose. You lose. You gotta lose. I love what uh what Gary V said. I was like, yes. He said, if my kid cries after losing a baseball game, that's what I want. Come on now. Because that's gonna teach him to do better next time. If I say, oh honey, it's great. You did a great job. You take him out for dinner? Let's go to dinner anyway. I'm not gonna learn to stand myself back up and try harder.

SPEAKER_03 44:50

So so let's say Dustin has a football game. He loses the game and it's his fault. Anthony, are you are you taking him out to dinner because he tried in the game? Like he worked his butt off. You're not doing it. You're not doing it.

SPEAKER_01 45:01

Um I think I'm gonna have a balance and try to. Part of me wants to, it's so much easier to say than do, right? That's what that's what I'm saying. It's always it's always I'm not one of those people that's gonna be like, I do it this way, so I can go viral. Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't give a shit. So inside here, yeah, no, you have to cry. Of course, because you're not gonna be able to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. But I think I want to tell him, and if he's watching this later, I love you. And yes, you tried, but you clearly didn't try hard enough, and that's okay because you have to lose in order to learn the lessons of how to try harder. Because someone else is you might be practicing two hours a day, it's practicing four hours a day. Another person's practicing six hours a day. So you can't tell me you've tried your hardest when someone's spending every waking moment trying. Yep. Right? Yeah, so you can always do better. And no, it's not worth beating yourself up for 12 weeks and soaking in a corner. But it's better to pick yourself up and learn how to do it. If you want something, you work for it. Life isn't here just to say, here's a free pass, go on, have a great time, right? It's like communism doesn't work. Like that's the innate reason why communist societies don't work. But bring it to a political level. And like capitalism works, but people hate capitalism. Hate it, yeah. Right? Because it teaches you to fucking fail. Correct. That's right. The world that you know, sunshine and rainbows, right? It's gonna beat you down. You don't try hard enough, and not to the extent, oh, I tried, I did an hour's worth of effort. Oh, no, no, and then watch Netflix for four hours. No, no, there's some guy that learned AI on his own, is creating 10 times more leverage off of that. So then every waking moment, from the morning he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed, cutting his sleep shirt, not seeing his mom. Yeah, that guy's working his ass off to do better than you would have to.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

What are you willing to give up to get what you want, dude? You have to. And the problem is most people are not willing to sacrifice. They talk a big game. I want to be this, I want to be this, but I'm I'm sorry, it's just it's men are not men, it's just softness, man. They don't want to sacrifice and go the extra mile and mainly be you're you mentioned create good times.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Good times create soft men. Soft men create hard times.

SPEAKER_03 47:15

Yeah, yeah, I agree a hundred percent, man. And your purpose changes. Not purpose, I'm sorry. Your work ethic changes once you start working for you, once you stop working for you. When it's somebody else, everything changes. When Dustin Savannah are born, it's not about Anthony anymore. No one a single man with no kids can never compete with a man that is married with kids. By income barn.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

Because you're you're worth it. I'm gonna work my ass off to supply for those kids. That's what I'm saying. Why do they come here doing this now?

SPEAKER_03 47:48

And somebody that has no kids cannot compete with Anthony. I don't care what you say. You won't beat him. He has kids and a wife. His work ethic and drive and purpose is way different than yours. He's doing it for somebody. That's why it's so easy to get ahead nowadays.

Dopamine Goals And Modern Comfort

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Yeah. Because it's for them. That's why when Anthony, that's why get lost in this, aren't having kids, or just complaining that the world isn't good enough, it's your fault. Like you have to fail. And you that's how you find happiness, that's how you find success. It all comes hand in hand. As you start pushing your boundaries, that's when you get dopamine hits. So let's talk about when, according to science, when you're the happiest. Okay. Right? The most amount of dopamine and serotonin release in your brain. Ready? When you're this close to achieving your goal.

unknown 48:42

Yay.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

That's science. When you're the happiest. Because you worked your ass off to get there, and you are. You can taste it. It's right there. How did you feel when you open the gym, first gym, this one here? I wasn't there. I'm not my goal's way bigger, right? So when I get close to my goal, my happiness is gonna get better and better and better as I go up. What's your goal? I told you, live forever.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

No, no. In terms of the dopamine hit, what is it? What do you want to see? 15 located, 20? Where is it? Like, I'm right there, dude. What is it?

SPEAKER_01 49:11

When we're netting half a billion a year. How much? Half a billion.

SPEAKER_03 49:15

That's that's that's right there. Well, you're about to hit that's where Anthony takes me at his highest.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Like, I'm right there, dude. That's when I know, like, the brand is big enough, we're good, we're a big company.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

It will live way behind me.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

Oh, yeah. That's when I will systems behind it. Because you can hang it up now. Right. But I'm 490. That's another thing. That's when it's gonna hit you. That's not the happiest, right? Now it happens. I hit goal. Now I'm depressed. No, that's not true.

SPEAKER_03 49:39

Yes. No, Anthony, because you can you purpose changes as you reach higher levels, Anthony.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

Hold on, hold on. So listen to this. You become happier and happier as you get closer, as you get closer, as you get closer, you become the happiest right before. If you don't change your goal, you just get depressed. So now what do you have to do? Find a new high. You gotta find something else. Now you keep working for, keep working for, keep working. That's a that's the key to happiness. That's the key. That is the answer. So, therefore, you're always gonna chase something. Oh. You're never gonna, you're never, no one's hierarchy of needs, right? Let's talk about this. Let's go back. We have everything we need. We have a house, we have shelter, we have food, we have family, right? So I need a higher purpose. I'm on a higher level, as opposed to somebody else that is starving, right? I'm starving. I'm gonna become happy when I when I find that piece of fruit. I finally get to eat, I haven't eaten days. Oh my god, this is great. This is the happiest moment of my life. You're right.

unknown 50:38

Right?

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Because once you get it, it's like I got it. And now you're gonna be starving again. And now you're gonna have to go find the next piece of fruit and the next piece of fruit. That's why when you go back and you go back thousands of years hunting and gathering, right? We were happy. We were at a lower level, right? But we were still happy inside that level. You gotta impoverish communities. How's the happiness level there? Way higher than ours. How's a suicide rate? Almost none. I see what you say. Because you have purpose. You have value and purpose. You the community one relies on you, right? You die, everyone else is gonna freaking die, probably. Right? You need to supply food for them. And for yourself, you have your own value. You need to go chase eating. Every time you eat, it's like, oh man, I feel good. I finally got what I needed, I got that big game. Like, let's celebrate. And but then I have to go do it again. That's why we were so happy back then. It was so much simpler. And then as we got things we needed, it's when convenience, convenience, convenience, convenience.

SPEAKER_03 51:31

It killed you, dude.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

But now it's our responsibility to be even higher level thinking.

SPEAKER_03 51:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

To keep going higher. You gotta go way higher, dude.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

That's that's how you fix it. But that th those those those are special people, man. No, you just to teach society that. Yeah, but but that that that's that's that's a very seldom way of thinking. That that's rare, you know.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

Um you need to in make it an innate part of society. I agree. Why was America the best place to go for a hundred years? You had high achievers. Because you came here, you got nothing. Jack shade, you got off Ellis Island, right? Yeah, you lived in poor ass communities, you're starving, but I have opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 52:12

That's what I'm saying. You had high achievers. You had the opportunity. That's that's what it is. Best country ever. You get rid of that? Yeah, dude. Uh, it's the end of the road. That's the end of the society's goal. That's the end of the road. America, that's why it's the best. You can come from dirt scratch, where other countries doesn't matter you come from, you're still never gonna achieve this.

SPEAKER_01 52:27

But you have to keep leveling up. And those that have had it in America, that hit that higher level, that have an iPhone, that live in a million-dollar home, that have a family, you need a bigger goal. You can't be kept, otherwise, you're gonna be depressed, you're gonna start blaming society. You're right, you're gonna start blaming the government. No, you need a higher goal and go higher.

SPEAKER_03 52:46

Damn, that was good, dude. And I agree with you, Anthony. Thanks for that episode.

Final Takeaways And Listener Prompt

SPEAKER_01 52:50

Yeah, thank you guys. Hope you enjoyed that really long episode. And if you're discreet, let me know what's the key to happiness, how do we do better? Like, subscribe, share. Till next time.