"And if what's in my head  and what's coming out of my mouth don't match, we're gonna have all kinds of trouble in the space between."Karen &

"One of the things that happens oftentimes when people want to move on is, you know, they try to just plaster over all of that with positivity. And that sort of dismissal of the feeling doesn't help people to move through."<...

" You do not want to be attached to your plan. You really want a mindset of, oh, so this is the thing we're gonna have to change today. That to expect the unexpected that we know it's coming. It's very unlikely that nothing's gonna go wr...

" While there's a group of us that's coordinating and making things happen, we're not the ultimate decision makers for certain parts of this. And it's not clear where the decision came from. And so I just found myself going like who made...

"When it feels like you are the one who's always doing the work and the other person isn't helping you to feel heard, that can really lead to a place of resentment. Not necessarily because they intend it, it's just what happens."

" What most of us kind of grew up with is this assumption that if I'm in a disagreement, I'm trying to win. This is debate club. The goal is to win, and the way that I win is to put down the other person in some way.So if I can j...

"Ultimately, delivering an ultimatum, like any tough conversation, is about saying things that people don't want to hear in ways they can hear it."Karen &

"Power over always damages relationships. Sometimes it's worth it. I think this is one of those cases that we do it because it's worth it. If it's worth it, but if you say it and don't mean it, odds are you'll have damaged the relationsh...

"Someone is kind of making some sort of argument, and then you eventually realize that they're arguing against something that no one is actually even proposing that you do. And by making it clear that that's not being proposed, it can be...

"If we don't stop to say, 'What are our values?' the personal interest will become our values. It will be what guides the conversation."Karen &

"Because, fundamentally, our perspective is when you're getting a group of people together to do something, you want to make good use of that time."Karen &

"That's the thing we wanna reach for is the ability to do both. But in that moment that I know I don't have the capacity to do both, I reach for the one that's unfamiliar but that will save me from the trouble that I tend to get myself i...

"There's a cultural value around helping is good but receiving help is not. There's a one-up, one-down relationship between someone who is helping and someone who's receiving help."...

"For everything that goes well, we can get a tiny bit of fuel from it or a huge amount of fuel from it, depending on how we think about it, how we share it, how we celebrate it, how we engage with it."

"To be able to say, yeah, I get it. It's tough, right? It's a hard spot to be in, to be there, and it's actually pretty typical. It's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It's not just you."

"It's also true that we are not as good at a particular thing as somebody else, and so I think the thing that is so essential and so rare here is that we figure out how to have honest conversations and acknowledgement of the difference i...

"You now are inadvertently most likely sending the message, you do not value their expertise. That expertise that they spent the time developing, you know, now it really sends the message, it's not only that we're not gonna use your work...

"If I wanna have the kind of influence that I need to be an effective leader, I need trust. And in order to trust me, they're going to have to see me being vulnerable."Karen &am...

"While structure and process do shape behavior in certain ways, and it can nudge our beliefs in certain ways around this. It isn't as big a lever as people often think that it is."K...

"We do this because if everybody had to be part of every decision, we'd never get anything done." Karen & Paul talk about how to select ...

"We don't have to be cruel when we use authority. We can be humane; we can still reach into that space between, and there are ways of doing that that not a lot of us have experience doing."

"Do I think the other person is interested in repairing the relationship? Because if they're not, the chances that they're gonna invest the time and energy into it to make it work, those chances are low."

"How can we shift from a place of blame and judgment into a place of curiosity?"Karen & Paul discuss the importance of focusing on prese...

"One of the things that is our job as facilitators is to shift the dynamics that you're used to having."Karen & Paul talk about the key ...

" And the more anxious and stressed we are, the more likely we are to take the path of least neural resistance, which is the thing that we've done."Karen &