Getting Sober in Your Twenties with Madeline Forrest

Episode 131: Getting Sober in Your Twenties with Madeline Forrest

In episode 131 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Madeline Forrest to the show, and they discuss getting sober in your twenties. 

Madeline Forrest is the host of the Happiest Sober Podcast. 

What you will learn in this episode:

• Madeline's story 
• Fears about quitting drinking so young
• Dating sober in your twenties 
• Socializing without alcohol 

The best about this conversation is that everyone has the same fears about getting sober no matter what age you are.

Thank you for listening.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: Here. We will now show you all some of the cool designs we have for this year. To be sobbing a bit. 

Speaker 2: So let us get back to the very beginning We are going to play a game for a while now for the second part of the day. So this time we're going to show you the淵 Roderings since when. Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes Podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to Episode 131. I hope, wherever you are today, you are having a kick-ass day, and if not, tomorrow is always a new day. So I have a great guest on. 

Speaker 2: But we are talking about before I introduce my guest we are talking about getting sober in your early 20s what that looks like for socializing, what that looks like for drinking. I will say I think getting sober at any age looks the same, honestly, because we put a lot of emphasis on what our friends are going to say. How are we going to tell them? what are you going to do for fun, no matter what age you are, that's at the forefront of your mind because that was a big part of your life. Your friends meant a lot. Your social calendar means a lot, so it's like, how's it going to look? But I did Madeline's perspective and that is this is who my guest is today Madeline Forrest. She is the host of the Happiest Sober Podcast. I really enjoyed talking to her. We even get into some Scandival talk. If you're like what the hell is Scandival? It has to do with the Vanderpump Rules cast and all what's broken with that in the past couple months. If you are not a fan or you haven't watched it, please do Go back to episode one, season one. I really encourage that. Watch it on a nice rainy day And then please DM and let's talk about it, because I love talking about some Bravo celebrities. 

Speaker 2: Anyways, if you are needing any help in your sobriety journey, feel free, apply with me below. The links are in the show notes below. I do also have tons of free resources. I have a Facebook group, my Instagram page, a mocktail menu, a 30 day guide so we're not boring, and also to a morning and nighttime routine workbook. Okay, so there is plenty of free resources for you. Like I said, links are in the show notes below. And also we are now under a 90 day countdown for my book coming out August 15th. It's going to be a hot read for the summer And it's Sober Vives, a guide to thriving the first three months without alcohol, and it's from my perspective. I'm very excited for this to be out in the world. I worked very hard on it And it's Sober Coach is guiding you through those three months and what to expect and what to do, and, of course, it comes from a place of love and support. So you can preorder that today And that link is in the show notes below as well. 

Speaker 2: If you haven't, please rate, review and subscribe to the show and enjoy today's episode. Hey, madeline, how are you today? Hi, i'm good. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for joining the Sober Vives podcast. I love you're having me. You're welcome. I loved our little chat before we press play. Tell us, when did you get sober? 

Speaker 1: I got sober November 8, 2020. So, coming up on two and a half years, Lovely, and you were a pandemic sober baby. I was a pandemic sober baby Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Was that? did the pandemic lead you into? like your final kind of runway of this is this is it. I know Canada, they, you guys, had very strict lockdown, so was that very easy for you to then just quit drinking? 

Speaker 1: It definitely. Pandemic drinking definitely was my last fun, like it led to my last final straw where I had to stop because I feel like there were like two almost years of my 20s that like led me down that road. Like I went to. I moved to Australia for a year when I was 24. And while I was there I was just like it's a free for all, i'm on vacation, i'm gonna just drink every day, and I really did that And it was not a good thing And like my mental health really suffered because of that. And when I got home, i think Australia, i think having that mentality of I'm just gonna drink all the time and party so hard for a year, it made my drinking crossover into a place that I couldn't quite come back from. I think it really accelerated things, especially now knowing that like alcohol is addictive And not to say that my drinking didn't have its red flags before that, because absolutely it did, but I do think that kind of progressed it. 

Speaker 1: But I got home from Australia just over a year before the pandemic started. So I had that year in between of trying to get it under control, trying to moderate, doing a dry January, like definitely struggling with it. And then, when the pandemic happened, it was very much a justification for me to go back to just drinking. All the time I was like we're in lockdown, what else am I going to do? And then falling back into those habits led me to a place where I really had to face it. 

Speaker 2: What were your pandemic drinking habits? Because this is a good one, Because a lot of people fall into what happened to them in 2020 and is now trying to get either trying to get sober or just starting their journey of the fact where the pandemic really fucked them up. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, it did that for me. I was drinking like most days. I was drinking probably on average five days a week, if not more, or some weeks, who knows. But I definitely like I was going to the liquor store stocking up on wine because I didn't want to go out a lot. It's funny to me, looking back now, that I used to order my groceries for delivery but I could justify trips to the liquor store priorities. 

Speaker 1: But yeah, so I would go, i would stock up on wine. I felt very, very justified in it And the other thing too was, obviously it was a scary, uncertain time, so there was the aspect of just like drinking to cope with that. But the other thing was that then I was working from home full time And I felt like, in my mind, another way that I justified it was like I'm working from home and there's no separation between work and home And I'm not used to this And the only way I can find a separation between, like, my working hours and my like relaxing hours at home is to pour a glass of wine right after work ends. So I was definitely like, definitely leaning on that post work glass of wine And then, as like this summer, continued on. 

Speaker 1: After the first few months of lockdown I was like I was living on my own. At that point I was fresh out of a relationship And, like you said, we were really locked down. But summer opened up a little bit But I had my little like bubble that I was allowed to see. So I would go with my sisters, drink with my sisters a few times a week, get drunk. It was all I was doing And all I was looking forward to in that time, because you can do anything. 

Speaker 1: So I was like I'll just drink. So what was? 

Speaker 2: your point that led you up to November 8?. 

Speaker 1: It was just that it's really interesting for me to look back on and because I've talked to a lot of people who have this similar experience where, like over a month, i had a 10 year drinking career and there were so many things that happened. 

Speaker 1: Oh really, there were so many things that happened and so many embarrassing moments, so many mornings where I was like, oh my God, why did I do that last night? And none of those mornings were it when they totally could have been, and it was after the most uneventful night of all time. But my thing was that ever since the very first time I ever got drunk, i struggled with such intense anxiety the next day And I wasn't someone who really struggled with anxiety before that in my day to day life but like alcohol made me so anxious and it was always there, but it just got worse and worse over time And in the pandemic, like it was becoming so unmanageable. Like there would be so many times where I would only be drinking with my sisters just the three of us, and like even I wouldn't even get that drunk or I wouldn't, even we didn't even go out and do anything or see anyone and I would still be so anxious. It was so like irrational and they would be trying to comfort me and be like Maddie, like you were just with us. Nothing happened, you have nothing to stress about. But I just could never shake it And so it was really just affecting me, because I was drinking so much that if I wasn't drunk I was pretty much anxious. I was in that constant state and it was just such a cycle And so I definitely was starting to get concerned about it and starting to really notice like this is really not good. And then I just nothing went wrong. 

Speaker 1: That night I had one of my closest friends over. We drank one in my backyard. I got too drunk, as per usual, but like nothing, there was nothing eventful that happened. I passed out on my couch, as I always did, and then woke up in the morning I had a text from her being like thanks so much. So it was such a good night No indication that anything there was anything for me to stress about. But I was so anxious I was always in a deep shame spiral And for some reason that morning I was just like I can't stand this feeling. I can't feel this way anymore. I have to stop. I was just done. 

Speaker 2: How's your anxiety now that you quit? Much better, much better. Do you, though, have any like little bit of anxiety at all? I'm always interested about this, if this ever like lingers, if that maybe this was, even though you said like you never had anxiety previous. Yeah, like, how do you have little spots of anxiety now, or no? 

Speaker 1: I'm an overthinker, yeah, so that's where I'll get anxious still is. I'm definitely a big overthinker And I don't know. It's hard to look back because I was like 17 when I first had a drink, but I don't think that was the case before I drank. 

Speaker 2: Are you highly sensitive? 

Speaker 1: I would say so. 

Speaker 2: So it was 27. You got sober then And that's young. Yeah, it was 27. Yeah, so it was 17 to 27. Yeah, my love affair with alcohol started when I went over to Windsor, when I turned 19 years old. 

Speaker 1: Oh, no way, Because the legal drinking agent Canada is 19. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, Definitely we drove over low, as is over to Windsor, because it was only about a 20, 25 minute drive And that's so funny. That's where I fell in love. And then how? after you quit drinking, then how was your process of getting sober, your process of recovery, what that looked like? 

Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really hard. Like for me it was such a big grieving process, like I had to grieve alcohol so hard, especially because, besides how it made me feel internally, nothing ever really went wrong with it on the outside for the most part. So I think it's a lot harder to almost like grapple with that in your head of, like other people not really thinking you had a problem but you knowing, like internally, the effect that alcohol, like I knew how alcohol was affecting me. But it was easy to question myself and be like, was I really that bad? Other people did, some people thought so. My mom's sober. She knew it was a problem, she was happy about the decision for sure. But so that was hard trying to navigate all of that. It took me a few tries. I didn't get it on the first try but I really I joined a virtual sober support group. I talked to my mom every day. I devoured Quitlit. Quitlit was so freaking helpful for me And I think that at the time I felt like it was so much harder because I was locked down. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, like I really felt pretty sorry for myself. I was like I'm newly sober and I'm so isolated and I'm living alone And like we're in lockdown and it's this terrible time And this makes it so much harder. But like now, looking back, i'm like that was such a gift to that timing because I didn't have to face any temptation No, i had to face temptation, of course Like I would still go hang out with my sisters on what used to previously be like wine nights and drink my alcohol free drinks, and that was hard, but obviously I wasn't going to parties, i wasn't going to events, there was none of that. So at the time I thought that made it harder. But looking back I'm really grateful for that because I really had to. Just I was just isolated and just kind of going through it and I didn't really have a choice. But what a blessing. In your mom's sober, oh, my God, i'm so lucky She's been sober for an eternity. She got sober at 21. 

Speaker 2: Oh, that's great. Yeah Yeah, my mom quit drinking in the 80s just because it like Deb would get like violently. all after two Bloody Marys. 

Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, it's so much in common. We'd be really sober moms who got sober like around the same age. That's so funny. 

Speaker 2: But it was like and I'm sure now you being in your sober self, looking back your mom because I look back at this with my mom that she was an influence on me that I didn't even know that I needed to see until I got sober So like looking back, just my mom would always get my mom always got it like why don't you have a drink? You have a lot more fun. People always said that to my mom and it's not like my mom was sitting there like doom and gloom, just in a corner somewhere, like I went out and did some living and people would say that to her and it's so that shit's been going around for decades, pond decades. 

Speaker 2: Right, like that mentality towards people who don't drink, that, like other people feel the need to insert their opinion, to be like have fun, this is fun. You're not fun without drinking. So it really was. I really appreciate my mom being violently ill, like legit physically allergic to alcohol. Wow, yeah, so I'm sure for your mom that's the same way that you saw your mom being sober all those years and now it's like you're doing it and probably can relate a lot more to her now 100%. 

Speaker 1: I love that you had that role model too. I feel so lucky that I had that role model and it was a really big topic of conversation in my house growing up, because my dad he's sober now but my parents got married both as sober people and then my dad relapsed when I was a kid and so they separated because of that. He was absent because of that and then rehab. So like alcohol was very talked about in our house and my mom made sure it was a really open conversation and I always had it in my head that, like when I have kids, i don't want to drink. I loved having a sober mom and I wanted to be able to be that for my kids. 

Speaker 1: But then it's funny how, as we get further in our drinking days, our boundaries shift. Like I used to think when I was younger in my earlier drinking days I remember thinking like, oh, i never want to drink at my wedding, i want to remember my wedding. and then when I got older, i was like I want to have fun at my wedding. And same thing, i used to think I never want to drink when I have kids and I stop when I have kids. and then as I got older I was like I don't want to not drink, i'll just drink when they're not around. It's so funny to look at how, the deeper we get, the more different things are okay for us. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's honestly. That's why getting sober at the age that you did, it's a blessing. Because you live that you live that life, you get to live two lives in one and that the stuff that you wish for pre-alcohol That's gonna come. That's the reality of your situation now. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. You know what I mean. 

Speaker 2: So you're gonna live what you originally wanted. So you got sober at 27. What are challenges you face getting sober at a young age? Because 27 is young, It's young And there's a shift. There is with alcohol and two. There's a shift because of the culture people have fallen upon And the binge drinking that's out there and all of that. What are challenges you faced? What are a couple that you face and how did you overcome them? Because there's got to be a couple besides being in isolation. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, besides COVID lockdown, yeah, Definitely. Just like navigating. It's a scary thing to even out yourself that you're getting sober And so navigating those conversations, like telling people, even like telling like acquaintances, telling co-workers when you go to a work party, like those are things that feel really uncomfortable, and I think that was definitely a challenge was having to let go of what other people are going to think about you. I think that's a really cool thing about getting sober Is it really forces you to practice not caring what other people think because people are going to have opinions. So definitely like having a social life going out sober. That was something I had to adjust to. Navigating those inevitable conversations of like why don't you drink? dating I'm single. dating sober is a whole other thing that comes with its challenges, for sure. So, yeah, just all of that. Everything like our world, like alcohol is the fabric of socializing in our world. 

Speaker 1: It's what it revolves around. Everything is let's go get drinks. So that was tough to navigate And there were some people in my life who I used to drink with a lot, who really struggled with me getting sober And that was really challenging. I felt a lot of guilt about it actually. I felt like I was like letting them down and that was something I had to overcome And I think it's made me I do have like tendencies to be a people pleaser and it's made me really have to practice like not doing that. So, yeah, yeah, it's a big adjustment for sure. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, the people please and take some time. 

Speaker 1: Oh my God, yeah, still working progress on that one for sure. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, that one comes and goes through throughout. I have noticed comes and goes. So how's it dating sober? What are like? do you tell a person upfront that you're sober? What do you do? 

Speaker 1: Yeah, i always let them know beforehand that I'm sober and we live in the age of dating apps, unfortunately So I put it on my profile that I don't drink. I have learned that not everybody really looks at that part. I think people just assume, so I don't think people are even checking to check on a drink. 

Speaker 1: So I just find, i find for me, like I think that obviously going on dates, especially sober, can be a nerve wracking experience and I think I would be so much more nervous if I was going into it. No, and like they didn't know, they didn't know that I don't drink, because like I don't want to have to navigate an awkward moment in person where they order a drink and they're expecting me to. So I always make sure they know. And it's really actually easy to make sure they know, because typically someone will say let's get a drink, and then that's my moment to be like, yeah for sure, like I don't drink, i can grab a cocktail, i don't mind if you drink, kind of thing. 

Speaker 1: And the really good thing about that is that people aren't going to always respond well to it and it's a really easy way to just weed out people who aren't going to be right for you Like I'd rather find out beforehand than waste my time going on a date with someone who's not going to be okay with me not drinking because obviously it's not going to work out. If that's the case, have you been on a? 

Speaker 2: date, because this makes me laugh, because I'm thinking on the dates that I went on. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, were you single when you got sober at 29?. 

Speaker 2: No, i was with my boyfriend, who is now my husband, okay, but even so, previous to Matthew going on dates, i was a drunk bass, yeah, and it makes me giggle, because now, if I were to, if I was put in the dating world and like I'm not, i'm sober, whatnot, i couldn't imagine what I would do if I sat there and somebody was pounding drinks like I used to. Have you experienced that yet? Yes, i have. 

Speaker 1: I know it, i know it. Yeah, it's so funny, though, because, like, when I quit drinking, i was literally like how am I ever going to date? Like for me, like alcohol and dating were so intertwined. It was like what made it fun, it was what made it exciting. I loved drinking with the guy I was dating. I was like how the hell am I going to do that? And now that I have dated sober, i'm like how in the hell did I ever drink on dates? Because, like, when you're going out sober, it's immediately. You can tell whether you're into someone or not. You can see red flags because you're not drinking. Like when I was drinking, drinks make you into anyone. Like they can make you feel like you know whatever about someone and you're not there to pick up on little things. So now that I date sober, it's such a clear yes or a no for me now, whereas when I was drinking, i wasted my time on people that I wasn't even really that into. But I was into them when I was drinking. But isn't that freeing? 

Speaker 2: like that, that you have that clarity now to pick up on red flags that you wouldn't have seen. Like same thing If you're with somebody who's pounding drinks with you you don't know. But then when you're seeing that and you're coming from a sober perspective, this probably isn't right, that this dude or woman is pounding like Jack and Coke or fucking or Manhattan's or any type of pro any type of prohibition, drink out there And you just know you just okay, i can't. 

Speaker 2: I'm guessing you probably cannot be with a person who is heavily be a heavy drinker. 

Speaker 1: No, like I'm, I don't need to date someone who's sober, but I just don't want to date someone who's like a problematic drinker. If someone's just a casual drinker, than I don't mind, but yeah, definitely not someone who needs to get drunk all the time. 

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So it was tough because I took on a lot of the guilt, because I knew that if the roles were reversed, i knew that I would have had a hard time with it too, but I think some a reframe that really helped me is because I think part of it is that a lot of people like when, when they think that you're drinking is fine because they're watching you from the outside. They don't know your actual experience of it, so they have their opinions on it. And something that really helped me was just like making the conversation about like alcohol was ruining my mental health, like it was giving me such anxiety It was wrecking me, like I can't do it anymore for that reason. So it really helped to make the conversation not even about whether or not I have a problem, not about what my drinking habits were like. 

Speaker 1: That's besides the point. What the point is is that this is how alcohol affected my mental health And, like when you frame it that way, they can't disagree with you because you're the only one who's like living your own experience. You're the only one who knows. So it just took having some honest conversations And I think, like the relationships that matter, even if it takes them maybe some time. Like it is an adjustment and I can really appreciate that. Like I really can appreciate that it's an adjustment in a relationship when one person gets sober. If drinking was a thing that you did together. A lot. 

Speaker 1: So I think, the people who are worth keeping around. Maybe they'll struggle with it at first, but they will come around and I'm lucky that they did. And I think if it's a friendship where they don't come around so much anymore, then that's one that you can let go. 

Speaker 2: Did you have to let go of some friendships? 

Speaker 1: I. Luckily I didn't. I did Definitely. There were a couple like less close friends that I noticed a bit of a difference with, but with my really close friends, no, i didn't have to, so I am really lucky for that Yeah. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, that's another thing too. If friends also going out with friends and a friend to ask you if it's okay if they have a drink, i always applaud that friend because that's them Respecting your boundaries. It honestly is because you can either take it one or two ways. You can either get pissed and be like no, you don't need to, you don't need, don't make it awkward. 

Speaker 1: But on the other hand too, it's like them just being a friend of respecting you and your boundaries And if that's okay, because I had a couple good friends who did that with me and always appreciated that early on, because it's respectful, it's true, but the funny thing is that it doesn't even need to get to the point of someone asking if it's okay if they have a drink, because I'm going to beat them to the punch and be like are you getting a drink? I really don't mind for me, i would rather. Personally, it makes me uncomfortable if people are going to not drink because I'm around. Like, if you want to have a drink, then I want you to have a drink and I don't mind. I like to make that known. 

Speaker 1: But yeah, i think you know what. I think I appreciate it more on a date if a guy asks do you mind if I drink? I think that's really respectful. Like my friends know that I don't care. But if I go on a date with a guy and he's oh, do you mind if I drink, i appreciate that And I think that's really respectful And I'll always say yes, i don't mind. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, so that's good. So some guys have done that for you, yeah. 

Speaker 1: That's good. It's been such a mixed bag. the dating world, I hear it. 

Speaker 2: I hear it's rough out there in those terms. Yeah, it's kind of rough. 

Speaker 1: I'm on a dating break right now, are you? 

Speaker 2: Why did you come to that decision Just? 

Speaker 1: I honestly just So. 

Speaker 1: I was very fresh out of a relationship when I got sober someone who I was living with at the time And then I pretty much dated on and off pretty consistently for the first full two years of my sobriety. 

Speaker 1: Last year I had a couple kind of shorter relationships and then I went on a string of kind of bad updates And I just I was just like I actually just don't want to do this anymore And I've never And this is the other funny thing too is that in my drinking days, anytime I was single and anytime I was actively, if I had just broken up with someone and I was like I want to be single for a while single in my drinking days never meant fully single I would have someone I was talking to, where I would be going out to the bars and meeting guys or hooking up with guys or whatever, whereas deciding, though I'm going to actively be single as a sober person is as single as a guy, and I've never really had that. 

Speaker 1: So I'm taking the time and I feel like it's a really kind of valuable time for me right now and I'm loving it. Good, as you said, yeah, i'm liking just like focusing completely on myself right now, and I'll be 30 this year. I'm sure I'll be getting back into the dating game soon enough, but I'm loving a little break. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, breaks are needed Especially. I just I think for anybody, if you're at a point where you're just like you know this and you're fine with it, it's totally, it's good, it's a good thing. Yeah, i don't have so much emphasis on to make one person happy. It's to be in a relationship And that's that fairy tale ending and it's just that importance shouldn't be 100% there. 

Speaker 1: For sure. I think there's a lot of value in spending some time on your own, absolutely. It's genuinely sober, so valuable. Get to learn a lot more about yourself. 

Speaker 2: Oh, yes, 100%. I mean even being in a relationship. That's why I'll never tell people. When people ask me they're like, should I be dating? I'm like I cannot tell I was in a relationship, Do you? but I would. Yeah, Man and I's relationship changed and it Yeah, I bet It was a year and a half of us together And then we had to start when Because he quit drinking with me, Oh wow, And so Matt didn't have a problem And he was just he's quote unquote one of those who would have two beers. 

Speaker 2: Enormy, yeah, but then the next day I feel like shit. So he had other issues with it, but we had to. Then It was like starting over, of just meeting us at day one, of okay, how's this relationship gonna look, going through emotions and going through the process of getting sober. So this motherfuckers has seen me at worst. 

Speaker 1: How did the transition go Like? how was that? 

Speaker 2: It was hard, it was different, because that's all I knew for so long And I'm sure it was an adjustment to him. I know it was an adjustment to him too, because that went from our social life, our sex life, to then what are we gonna do? You know what I mean. But on the other side of it there was so much him and I wanted to do and wanted to build a life together that alcohol was never going to fit into that. And even with having a child now, before we even when we talked about having kids, it was. 

Speaker 2: We never want our kids to come from an alcoholic home Because we both know what that is like and it's fucking terrible. 

Speaker 2: So, like the fact that alcohol will never be a center of our home and we broke that generational pattern is huge. I love that, yeah, and that's the greatest gift I can give my son is him having a present, sober mom, because I will tell you if and when the day comes, when the day comes for you to be a mom, if that's still your choice in a couple of years, because you could be like in five I was like I don't want to have kids and that's, but you will never want to do motherhood hungover Like I. I can't even imagine Yeah, and that's it, just being in it like in a motherhood. In those first couple of months I got a little wonky, like I can see where people cope with alcohol in motherhood and fatherhood for sure. It's very easy just at the end of the day to be like, oh fuck this, let me, let me escape. So I just escaped into the Real Housewives of Vanderpump rules. 

Speaker 1: I just Oh, don't get me started on Vanderpump rules right now. 

Speaker 2: I know The reunion is going down today as this podcast is getting recorded. 

Speaker 1: I'm highly aware I'm all over it. 

Speaker 2: What do you feel? Are you pissed? 

Speaker 1: Oh, i'm pissed, I'm sad, i'm sad, i feel betrayed, i feel sad. What about you? I? 

Speaker 2: have to talk into my sister the other day and to my friend Amy We. I'm beginning to think is this fake? Because this story like this has gone. the press coverage on this has just been beyond this. 

Speaker 1: It's blown up. I don't think it's fake, i really think it's real. 

Speaker 2: I know, And that's what That's I pulled my audience. I had to ask A lot of people vote. It was seriously like that. It was like 50-50 or something. Really Yeah, But because now it's just one. First of all, it's not the presidents of these countries. It's not like there was a sex scandal. This is like getting blown away out of proportion with the coverage. Okay, It's not again going back to some sex scandal in the White House. This is right two reality stars being pigs, and all of them have slept with each other and been pigs for years. 

Speaker 1: Ponier, That is the irony in that is that every single person on that show has been treated on each other Besides Ariana. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true, but I think this betrayal runs so much deeper than any of the others, because they'd been together for so long and because Ariana was such good friends with Raquel, and because it went on for so long and it was happening like right under everybody's noses. It's so sad all around and I also as much as like they did a horrible thing. I also can't help but feel bad for Tom and Raquel as well, just because those of us who make mistakes which we all have we're at least not on a world stage having now the whole world hating us on the line, and you don't really wish that on anyone, no but I will tell you a friend, just let me know that Tom Sandoval, in the most extras, will be coming to a city outside of Detroit and I'm gonna go. 

Speaker 2: Fuck, yes, i'm gonna go. I will show up for anything. I will show up for anything. Bravo, yeah, i must. I will stay out late to see that, if I get tickets Hopefully it does not sell out, because this is tickets only, but I can't believe he's still touring, though. 

Speaker 2: He's got to. But that's the whole thing. But that's what makes it fun. Like I love my Bravo celebrities more than Hollywood celebrities. At least the Bravo celebrities keep it real and keep it 100 and they really do just show themselves and it's okay. That's why we love them. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, I've gotten so into Bravo. I did summer house. Now I got on to Vanderpump in perfect timing. I had just been binging it from start to finish for the first time and I caught up basically right as it started happening, which is insane. But I also think reality TV is so fun because it makes me appreciate being sober so much. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, i know I've been invested with these animals from day one, so like I'm and I am invested in them. And then to like that, because when I got sober, i think Vanderpump was like came out the following year. So Oh, wow, some of that was a little bit harder for me to watch. Like some of these shows were hard for me to watch in the beginning because there's so much drinking in them, So much drinking. But, like, after a while I'm like I'm good, i can't quit them. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, and the other thing, too, though, that I always find to be so funny about reality TV with drinking because I was the same. I had a little Jersey Shore moment right when I got sober. That's obviously a lot of drinking, but what I always find to be so fun is that I feel like it's like real life just watching the tape play forward. I, when I see them partying and having fun, quote they're like when they initially start drinking. That's when sometimes I'll feel a little bit of like romanticizing it. That looks fun. They're having a blast And then, inevitably, you watch them be disasters and you watch them like wake up and not remember what happened or their fault. They're fighting, they're crying. That's like drama. Someone's arrested And then it's oh my God, that like fleeting moment of foam. I'll look what came after it And that's like such a good reminder. That's not real Tequila Katie, oh my God, yes. 

Speaker 2: Yes And then forever. I am forever thankful that one. I never ended up on reality television in my drinking days into that. the rise of social media was past. I was already sober, like Facebook was there. 

Speaker 1: Obviously You're lucky for that. I can't say the same on that one. You're lucky for that, because that's hard. Yeah, i used to. And that was the other thing with my anxiety. The next day I would wake up. The first thing I would do I would like lunge for my phone and I would panic scroll it. I would be like open messages app. Who did I text? open Instagram, did I post anything? Open like everything. Oh my God, what did I do last night? And the worst part was that my go to drunk thing was I would take drunk snapchats and I would take drunk snapchat videos like fully, just like talking to the camera drunkenly, and I would send them to like everyone I knew. And then they're gone and like you can't see a snapchat after you see it, it's just gone. So I would wake up and see sent snapchats and be like I have no idea what that video is And like it was the worst feeling. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, that wouldn't want that one to send me into a panic. 

Speaker 1: What's crazy. I used to panic about it but drunk me used to save the snapchats before I sent them sometimes. So I'd wake up and I had gone out of my way to save the drunk snap I don't know why. But then I would just not even watch it the next day. It was there because I'd be too stressed. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that is a lot. I used to call people in like rage and black and I always had the calls. So I would call somebody out to a, just probably motherfucking them and like sounding like a possessed demon and then hanging up. So, yeah, it's great not to be living that life anymore. So good Such a relief, such a relief. So where can people find you, tell us about the podcast and where you hang out on social the most? 

Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm on Instagram, so my Instagram is at happiest sober and then my podcast is happiest sober podcast, and I also have a weekly newsletter which everyone can subscribe to at happiest sobercom. 

Speaker 2: Perfect And I will link. I will link everything in these show notes. How long have you been podcasting for? 

Speaker 1: Since the fall. Since the fall. Okay, yeah, you love it So fairly new I do. Yeah, you've been going for a while, eh. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, since, for this show since February of 2020. So right before, oh, wow, right before, oh my God. 

Speaker 1: And then I'm sure it just blew up from there because everyone started drinking so much in lockdown and then and then getting sober. 

Speaker 2: Yeah, It's definitely been a journey, But that's what I for people in going through the pandemic it was. It was a really good time And I said that a lot. That was a perfect time for anybody to get sober because you had nowhere to go. But then also too, on the other hand, it's like people were stuck in environments that were not happy, Homes being taken out of your structure. That's really hard for people The unknown, the fear of everything that was going on. It's, it's. Yeah, that was a double edge, But I'm happy for you that you took that time and that was, that was your time. It was just your time to give up alcohol. 

Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, i felt really lucky for that, for sure. 

Speaker 2: All right, madeline, thank you so much for being on the show today. If anybody, do you have any last words for anybody who is struggling out there? If somebody's struggling out there listening to this podcast today, Yes, oh my gosh. 

Speaker 1: I would say that, first of all, something I always like to say is that how sobriety feels in the early days is not how sobriety feels overall. It's so easy to be struggling so hard and it feels so hard, and then there's the thought of I can't do this forever, like I had someone say to me. I don't know if I can do this forever And it's. You don't have to do this forever because what you're doing right now, this is the hard part, and it's not going to feel that way forever And it's so beyond worth hanging in there for. 

Speaker 1: And I think the last thing I'll say, especially if anyone's getting sober and they're maybe on the younger side, is that it's so easy to fall into that like FOMO and feel like you're missing out on so much fun when you get sober and you're watching people drink around you To just remember that, like you drank and all of your experiences with drinking made you want to quit, because for a valid reason And it's really easy to look at other people and be like they're having such a good time But obviously your experience with drinking wasn't that positive, otherwise you wouldn't be here and just really rooted in the truth of it And, like the irony of FOMO, is that I missed out on so much in my drinking days. 

Speaker 1: Like to me, it's so funny, It's so ironic to say, oh, i'm so scared I'm going to miss out. I'm like I missed out on everything. I've lacked out, missed out on that. I missed out on getting too drunk and then passing out before going out for my birthday and, like all the experiences, that's what makes you miss out. Being sober, you don't miss out on anything because you're fully present for it all And that's such a big gift. So to just yeah, it's to catch those thoughts as they come up And that is just so worth hanging in through all the hard days. 

Speaker 2: I love it And so, very true, it's not that that's not going to last forever. Yeah, all right. Thank you so much for taking the time and chatting with us today And, like I said, i will post all of Madeline's links in the show notes below. Thank you for listening. Thanks again, madeline, thanks for having me.