The Dilemma of Drinking Moderately: A Sober Perspective, Part Two

Episode 147: The Dilemma of Drinking Moderately: A Sober Perspective, Part Two

In episode 147 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen continues the discussion of the dilemma of moderation drinking. Make sure to check out part one, which is episode 146. She also unpacks her four-year journey of attempting to moderate her drinking, only to realize that embracing sobriety was the road to a balanced life. 

HAPPY NATIONAL SOBER DAY! Courtney founded National Sober Day in 2019, which is celebrated every September 14th. It is a day to celebrate sobriety and also add awareness to all living a sober life. 

What you will learn in this episode:

• Courtney's Perspective on Moderation
• Her four-year attempt at moderation
•  Continued work you have to put in
• National Sober Day 2023 

This is Part TWO of a Two-Part episode. 

Thank you for listening.

Reviews help the show. Please rate, Review, and Subscribe to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Thank you to our Sponsors.

As a show listener, you get exclusive discounts from our Sponsor. Make sure to check them out and support the show. SOBERLINK, click here to shop and save $50 on your device.  Listen to episode 115 to learn more about Soberlink.

As a show listener, you receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE. Make sure to check them out and support the show. EXACT NATURE, click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20." Free shipping on all orders!  Please listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.

To Connect with Courtney:
Follow Sober Vibes on Instagram
8-week Coaching Program-Next Level Sober Support
BREAKTHROUGH-30 Day Text/Email Support
The Ultimate Guide to Sobriety e-book
Join the women-only Sober Vibes Facebook group
Grab your Free 30-Day Sober Not Boring Calendar
Grab your Free Sober Routine Checklist
Free Mocktail Menu
Order Sober Vibes Book
Come join the Fix, meetings/personal development

NEW FREE LIVE WORKSHOP

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

masked. Welcome to the Sober Vives podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 147.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Before I go any further, today is National Motherfucking Sober Day. That's right. It's September 14th and that means it's a national holiday that I founded back in 2019. This holiday is for everybody. Yes, absolutely. You should celebrate every day that you are sober, and I'm a firm believer of that. But in creating this day, that I did back in 2019, it was just for added awareness to the terrible disease of addiction and then awareness to sobriety and recovery, to show other people that there is so much more life to live in sobriety and recovery and to normalize it for other people to support you along your journey that living a day without alcohol and drugs is hard for a lot of people, right? So party your little heart out today, do a little dance, right? Do a little shoulder shake. If you post on social media, make sure you use hashtag National Sober Day and, of course, tag me. I love reading through those year after year and share your story if you feel inclined, even if it's just a beautiful picture of yourself in your sober life. You know. Hashtag National Sober Day and then put I am motherfucking sober, so celebrate today.

Speaker 1: 2:10

I know I said this last year and I've had some people ask. I did not do anything for National Sober Day this year because of the book and I am a really big believer of not overwhelming yourself in life, and with the book launch and National Sober Day being so close together with it's only you know, tomorrow, the 15th, it will be one month since my book came out. I just it was too much, and then being dictated by a two year old, it's a lot. So I held off this year on doing anything. But next year I promise and I've known I said this for the past couple of years, but I really I promise next year we're going to throw a fucking rager in Detroit and I want everyone to fly in. You can, and we'll make a bash of it, plus two. Next year it's on a Friday, so I think that will just make it a lot better, especially if you come in from out of town. You can stay in Detroit for the weekend and really soak up what the Motor City has to offer. Plenty of suggestions I will tell you where to go and like what to do Like the Motown Museum, go and see that the list goes on. And to you coming into Pure Michigan in September. It's one of the. It's the most beautiful time of year here, so I'm not an asshole. And having you fly in mid-February when it's the pits of hell with this winter you guys know I'm all about that vitamin D and that sun so you can even take up a Tiger's game if they still play baseball during that time If it's not playoffs, which I don't think that happens until October so you can catch game there's lots to do in the Motor City and just have a ball. So I am going to start getting that planned, starting in January, because I do want to have a rager and have fun with it and dance. I'll be fucking dancing that evening of National Sober Day in 2024. All right, so today we're going to I'm going to follow up last week, episode 146.

Speaker 1: 4:27

I talked about the dilemma of moderation, drinking right, and after I got done recording that, like a day or two after, I was like I wanted to say more right, but I didn't say it because I didn't even think about it until afterwards. Because a lot of these solo episodes if you are new here a lot of the solo episodes I go based off of kind of what's on my heart and I shoot from the hip because I believe more in casual conversations than the shit always being so fucking scripted. So afterwards I was like, should I air that? I was like, no, I'm going to air it right, I'll just do a part two. So this is part two. If you haven't listened to episode 146, go back. You know, obviously, if you're listening to it in real time and you've already listened to it, then you are here for part two.

Speaker 1: 5:20

I want to explain something to you about the moderation. I just want to paint a story for you. Back in 2012, I quit drinking alcohol, but for four years previous okay, four years prior to that, when I was 25, that's when I knew one day I was gonna have to live life without alcohol. Back then, doing air quotation marks, if you can see me back then there wasn't words, there wasn't the phrase of, you know, gray area, drinking, moderation, drinking there wasn't these terms. But what I was doing was I was trying my goddamn damnedest to continue to keep alcohol in my life for four years and to me that was a moderation trying to moderate my drinking and putting all of these rules and stipulations on it, because that's what moderation drinking is if you've already had a problem.

Speaker 1: 6:23

I said in an episode 146, I don't believe that people. I believe people who already have drinking problems. There's no going back to this. You know, little crush that you once had with alcohol. Because if it does start off that way, it will eventually go back to where you eventually stopped in the first place. So for four years I tried to make it all work and fit together and it always continued to lead me back. Sure, I could go a couple of weeks without drinking and give myself a high five and a pat on the back and be like see, I don't have a problem, I could cut down, stop drinking. Yeagermeister oh god, disgusting. I can taste the Yeager currently, as I just said that, like in the back of my mouth and it's making me like drool. Sure, let me eliminate cherry bombs. I feel like I'm aging myself here, but let me eliminate cherry bombs. Let me only drink wine tonight, you know god, let me not crush IPA. Let me stop with the two hearted, because that will really fuck you up. Make sure you eat.

Speaker 1: 7:33

If you've been listening to this show, you have heard me say this time and time again, and so I would do all the things, but then eventually it would just be like oh okay, no, because I didn't have anybody to drink, no, because I didn't have any boundaries with myself. Because you can't have any boundaries with yourself when you already have an issue with alcohol, when it has already taken over in your brain and your chemistry changes and it becomes a problem and you are either an alcoholic or alcohol use disorder, which is now, you know, the umbrella of all the problem drinking underneath it. Right, it's a spectrum now. So, if you are a person who suffers with this issue and have the problematic relationship with it, there is no rewinding time. There is no, just like I said, going back to this innocent crush with alcohol and, in that moderation drinking. If you go back to it, right, you will just eventually find yourself exhausted.

Speaker 1: 8:37

And I wanted to say this, in which I did not say is the reason why you feel so good in the changes that you have made in your life to get you to a point to be like, oh, could I go back to drinking and just handling it? It's because you gave up alcohol? If you didn't give up alcohol in the first place, then you would have never made these changes. So I really want you know if you're sitting there being like should I moderate? Should I moderate, can I go back to just having one? I want you to think about that. After you've had had a couple months or a couple years with alcohol, there is a reason your life has changed and progressed the way it has, and you have progressed as a person. It made me. Some of your relationships have progressed and maybe there's some really fucking creative ideas. You've come out of having sobriety because you gave up something that was holding you back, so why would you reintroduce that into your life?

Speaker 1: 9:42

And I have to say that too, if that thought is coming back up for you, there is more work to be done and this is where you have to check the ego of and to the. It's almost like you have to get over your goddamn self, like it's okay if you have a problem, millions do right. You got to get over it at some point and that is really where you do have to dig deeper and do more work. I said on last week's episode those thoughts have come up for me through the years. I said it like well, I got out of the restaurant industry and I took myself out of that equation and, yeah, a lot of my drinking and problem was formed under that. You know kind of tent of like being in the service industry and there's lots of partying going on. But just because I got, I removed myself from it. Just because I removed myself from one situation doesn't mean that problem left me, because what we have to understand is when you have an issue with alcohol, it does not forever leave you, it doesn't. So that is where you have to keep remembering and digging back into helping yourself.

Speaker 1: 11:04

This is where it's very like to not get stagnant in your sobriety and getting so like confident within your. I want you to be confident. So this is where this kind of sounds like a little fucked up. I just always want you to be aware that if you allow that bitch back into your life of what can happen to you and where it can take you and to stop starting over, and because it's just so exhausting and for some people who go back to it they don't get out of it, they do not make it out of it. So if you have three years, four years, five years, you have six months, keep going. Your life is as good as it is. It's because you made one single choice to remove a substance. But if you need to burn your hand a couple times, burn your hand a couple times because that is your lesson to learn. I am just here to walk you through it and coach you through it, because this is the type of coaching I believe in to show you that and to guide you through that. You know I want to share with you today about a new product that I love.

Speaker 1: 12:21

Sober Vives in Exact Nature have a shared mission helping you get sober and thrive. Exact Nature's healthy, all-natural CBD products can help. They're made for changes in mood, focus, cravings and sleep that can be a part of getting sober. Founded by a father and son, both in addiction recovery, they know these challenges firsthand and have created a line of products to amplify the hope in your journey. Exact Nature offers oils, soft gels, gummies and creams, detox for cravings, serenity for calm and focus, and Zs for better sleep. There are thousands of CBD products on the market, but only Exact Nature's are made for those of us in recovery. I'm a big fan of the serenity.

Speaker 1: 13:09

For 20% off your order. Use code SV20 for 20% off your order at ExactNaturecom. That is E-X-A-C-T-N-A-T-U-R-Ecom. The link will also be in the show notes below. You can use that code now in all year long. It's time to start feeling your best self, and you can learn more at ExactNaturecom. Again, the link is in the show notes. I strongly recommend CBD to help you along your sobriety and recovery journey. Exact Nature now offers free shipping on all orders.

Speaker 1: 13:55

Hey, I would love to share with you something that I think could work great for you. Imagine you just got sober. You're working your program, checking in with a recovery sober coach, checking in with your sponsor, maintaining your employment and thriving. Now imagine none of your closest friends or family believe you. This is why I'm sharing this, because early on in my sobriety there was a couple times Matt didn't believe that I was sober. So much trust is lost during active addiction and it can be hard to convince loved ones that things are different, that you're different. This is where sober link can help.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Sober links remote alcohol monitoring system is designed to help you sustain a sober lifestyle while rebuilding trust with loved ones. Small enough to fit in your purse or pocket and discreet enough to use in public, sober link devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection and real-time results, so friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals. As a sober coach, I really can't think of a better tool to maintain accountability, strengthen community, improve sobriety to loved ones. Now you might be thinking like, do I really need this? And honestly, it's different for everybody. I know quite a few people who have had to use this or something like this to prove to their spouses and or family members that they are sober.

Speaker 1: 15:26

This does not just affect the person who is the drinker. I mean. A lot of damage happens during your active addiction and accountability needs to take place and with this tool, you can show that. Let's make 2023 a memorable one. Please visit wwwsoberlinkcom forward slash sober dash vibes to sign up and receive $50 off your device. The link is in the show notes. Check it out. If you do get this device, please feel free to reach out and let me know how it has helped you in your sober journey.

Speaker 1: 16:13

So just the moderation drinking it's not worth it. It's really not, because that's why I said if you're thinking about it and where it's still important for you to have that in your life, then there's more work you need to do throughout the process of your sobriety, and that might even where you're at right now. That might not even you might not need to go to AA, right, you might not need a sober coach, but you might need a therapist to help you with some underlining issues that you have not healed from some trauma from your past. You might need to, let's just say, a life coach. Okay, maybe go to a life coach. If there's other things you need to, if you need some motivation for a new goal, if you're stuck in a funk, that can be one too.

Speaker 1: 17:05

If you're stuck in a funk and the being stuck in a funk can actually bring up thoughts of drinking and that has for sure happened to me as well I'm not saying that you know the difference between like depression and funk, right, where you're just in one of those moods where you're like what the fuck am I doing with my life? I had that when I was 35, when I turned five, and then I was 35, I was like this is odd. So that's where more work needs to be done Digging into some personal development. Stop reading on the quit books, stop listening to some, stop listening to Sober Vives podcast and all the other alcohol podcasts out there of sobriety and recovery, and start digging into you know something else. So this is not what you're absorbing all the time. Okay, because there's more to life than just constantly focusing on this.

Speaker 1: 18:06

Plus, too, when you get into your sober life, you're like a new little baby bird. You're this new little newborn in a 50 year old's body and you're like what the fuck? So you really have to develop this new person and that can help you keep going. And plus, too, with some identity work, of shifting the identity of okay, I'm no longer where I was five years ago. That's where I'm saying of like, why are you still holding on to the fact of, if you wanna fit alcohol in your life, what work did you do in those past five years? Where it's still like the thought of that especially, I wanna say that if it's coming up constantly, not like one or two thoughts a year normal you really have to decide, like the thought process of what's normal and of thinking of yeah, you're a human being, of course you would think like this or what's like too much thinking where you're ready to make that plunge. So think about it if you are in this process.

Speaker 1: 19:16

I know I bring up moderation drinking. I kind of bring it up a lot. I feel like I keep hitting this topic in some way. It might not be the title like the Demoloma of Moderation Drinking, but I've touched on this a few times. I know there was one. It's you know what are you get. There was one, I think it was in season three, but it's kind of the similar tone. But that's where it's always gonna be, that same tone of I don't want you to keep falling back into something of where you wanna keep moving forward.

Speaker 1: 19:50

Living an alcohol-free life is going to keep you moving forward in this lifetime. It really will, because you're gonna start to just continue and you already probably are is just like banging your head up against a wall and being like why do I keep getting stuck in this cycle? Why do I keep getting stuck in this cycle? It's because you keep going back to it and it's not your relationship with booze. It's not gonna change until you just give it up for good. That is the one thing I can tell you. In these 11 years of not drinking alcohol, my life has not gone backwards. It has continued to move forward.

Speaker 1: 20:29

If I were to pick up alcohol again, you bet your fucking ass it's gonna go backwards and I don't even wanna take that chance. I don't even wanna take that chance. And then sometimes too, I feel because some people don't have these like big ass, you know, rock bottoms Even though I had a lot of like big ass rock bottoms that didn't stop me from drinking it. Just that last time of losing fur pants and you know Matthew at the time saying what he said to me it was like in that particular moment I was fucking good and tired, I was exhausted. So if you need a couple more times of being good and tired, then that is what you need and that is your path. But if this is for the person listening today and where they're like I'm having these thoughts but I'm glad I listened to this podcast because she's right this shit's never gonna. It's not gonna get any better if I go back to it. You're just gonna get sucked in the fucking black hole of vodka and what all comes from that, even if that's just what. You waking up the next day with fucking anxiety and then eating poorly and Not being able to do your workout and just feeling like a bag of dicks that is what it's going to bring to you and it's gonna keep showing you that over and over and over again. It's a new day, same lesson. So that's my conclusion on part two of the dilemma of moderation drinking and I just don't think it's for people listening to this podcast. I really don't. It really truly don't I. I hope this episode helped you.

Speaker 1: 22:17

Also to exciting news I've decided to bring my live workshops back. So the first one is going to be September 27th, that is on a Wednesday, and it's gonna be at noon eastern standard time, and I'm gonna be going live in the, my Facebook group, my self-revised Facebook group that is for women only. But I'm gonna tell you this if you are not on Facebook because I understand, I Understand that platform is not for everybody and they got off it many years ago I don't blame you. I will record them and I will email them back to you so you can find the link in the show notes below and it will be under free live workshops. Okay, so I will be emailing everything to you after the recording is done. I'll send it the e-mail, send the recording to you, like, within a 24-hour Time frame, and then you can just rewatch it or listen to it. So I'm gonna roll with that and see how those pan out here over the next couple till the end of the year. So I'll definitely do them till the end of the year and see how that turnout is, and it will definitely be topics to help you along your sobriety journey, and I like to interact with people, so that's why I want to do this live and get to you know no, no people who listen to the show, and if you just need added help, no shame in that. So again, you can find the link in the show notes under the free live workouts workshops. You can always reach out to me on Instagram at sober vibes and just DM me if you want the link and I will send it to you.

Speaker 1: 23:57

Also to, if you live outside of the US, in Canada, your book. If you pre-ordered Sover vibes a guide to thriving within the first three months, it should be being shipped out to you, I believe, by September 16th. Thank you so very much for being patient as you wait for that book and if you have not ordered it yet, make sure to you visit the link in the show notes and grab yourself a copy today To help you in the first three months without alcohol or living without alcohol. Again, thank you all for supporting me by purchasing that book and just helping yourself, because what I've said that book it's going to tailor your sobriety, it's going to help you understand more of you and what you want to do and how you should handle some situations for yourself, and it's really that experience you can figure out.

Speaker 1: 24:57

It's not right? Well, this is what Courtney did, right so, or it's not like, this is what Bob did. It's all for you and that is how everybody should be doing their own sobriety and Recovery of what works best for you and not what you should be doing, because you know Bob told you this is the way that helped him, got it All right. Also, too, if you need any help on your in your sobriety and coaching is for you you can fill out the link in the show notes as well to apply for one-on-one coaching. Happy National Sober Day Again. I'm proud of you. Nobody's told you that today and you know, make it another day sober, all right, keep kicking ass, taking names and stay healthy out there.