Establishing Healthy Habits in Sobriety with Ash Butterss

Episode 155: Establishing Healthy Habits in Sobriety with Ash Butterss

In episode 155 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Ash Butterss to the show, and they discuss healthy habits in sobriety and Recovery. 

What does a journey to sobriety look like? More importantly, how does one navigate this journey and establish healthy habits that bring about recovery and maintain it? These are the questions we explore with our guest, Ash Butterss.

Ashleigh Butterss is a well-being mentor and the creator and host of Behind The Smile – a recovery podcast designed to expose and remove the stigma around mental health, trauma, and addiction.

What you will learn in this episode:

• Ash's story 
• Creating Healthy habits 
• How to navigate sobriety with Healthy Habits
• Creating simple habits and not overwhelming yourself 

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Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 0:01

Music. Hey, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 155. Today we are talking about healthy habits with Ash Butters, and she is a well-being mentor and the creator of the host of Behind the Smile. It's a recovery podcast designed to expose and remove the stigma around mental health, trauma and addiction. I was a guest on her show a couple months ago and we had a great talk. We had another great talk when she came on to be a guest on the Sober Vibes podcast that you're currently listening to, and she really breaks down about the importance of healthy habits, especially in sobriety and recovery, and she shares her healthy habits and what she's incorporated in her own recovery journey. She's also to shares with you her story. She's got quite a powerful one in how she became sober in the year 2020.

Courtney Andersen: 1:31

So I hope you enjoy this episode today. Make sure, if you haven't, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. Make sure to check out all the links in the show notes below and also, if you haven't yet, my next workshop is the day after Thanksgiving it's on that Friday and I'm going to be talking about self sabotage and some tips on how to overcome self sabotage. Okay, it's going to be at noon Eastern Standard Time. The link is in the show notes to join. It is free. Come check it out. Come hang out with me. It will be about 45 minutes, maybe an hour, and if you can't make it, I will send the recording to you. Okay, it's going to be a fun hour and I always enjoy when I can connect with you live. Okay, enjoy this episode. Make sure to check out our sponsor of the month, exact Nature, and all of that information in the show notes. Keep healthy and keep on truckin'. Hey Ash, welcome to the Silver Vibes podcast.

Ash Butters: 2:39

Thank you so much, Courtney. It's wonderful to be here.

Courtney Andersen: 2:42

I'm very excited to have you here. We've had this talk on the books. I was a guest on your show and I'm excited now that you are a guest on my show.

Ash Butters: 2:53

Yes, oh, my goodness, I feel like this has been a long time coming.

Courtney Andersen: 2:57

It really has. It really has, so why don't you share with us when you got sober, when did you quit drinking alcohol?

Ash Butters: 3:06

Great question. I got sober on the 24th of February 2020. So a few days ago, it was my two and a half, three and a half years Sorry, not two and a half years. What am I saying? I was cheating myself of a whole year, three and a half years of continuous sobriety, which just blows my mind, because I was the type of drinker who would wake up in the morning and make promises to myself. I would swear black and blue that I wasn't going to drink again. That day. I would have this horrible hangover, this cloud over me. I would feel foggy, I would be irritable, nauseous, a splitting headache, all those sorts of things that you can expect with a severe hangover. That was my daily norm.

Ash Butters: 3:50

And in that haze, in that disappointment, as I said, I would make these promises to myself. And then, every single day, the same thing would happen. I would get myself up and go to work because I called myself, considered myself to be high functioning, which is a common phrase thrown around. I would get myself to my corporate job. I would have a couple of coffees.

Ash Butters: 4:12

By around mid-morning, I'd be able to stomach some food and then I'd take my pain relief and I'd be profan of sorts. And then around lunchtime that haze would start to lift and the nausea would lift. And all of a sudden, I think that I'd just changed my mind and I'd start to rationalize and justify why I've probably been a little bit extreme, thinking that I couldn't ever drink again and one drink probably wouldn't hurt, one drink would be okay. That evening, and, sure enough, on my way home from work I'd pick up that bottle of wine, which would turn into two, and then the vodka and then whatever else, and once again, once I started drinking, I couldn't stop and I would drink to blackout again. That was the cycle Every single day for two years. I couldn't stop, no matter what.

Courtney Andersen: 5:01

Well, how was that though? Well, one thing I mean you really quit drinking just before the world shut down like legit.

Ash Butters: 5:12

Yes. So do you want to know what's crazy? While I was in rehab, I was in a rehab where we weren't able to have contact with the outside world, but a three minute phone call once a day. We could jump on a pay phone and make a phone call to a loved one, and so we'd be getting these little snippets from the outside world. People were saying strange things like oh, all the toilet paper in the supermarkets is gone. And it was so bizarre because we were in this bubble and we couldn't. We didn't see the news, we didn't have newspapers, there was no outside exposure to the media, and so we'd hear these little snippets, but we really didn't know what was going on. So I left rehab and about seven days later Sydney Australia, which is where I was living at the time, went into complete lockdown.

Courtney Andersen: 5:57

Yeah, how long were you in rehab for? I was there for three weeks. Okay, how was that your first rehab stunt?

Ash Butters: 6:06

Yeah, it was. It was. It's interesting I have my dad is in recovery. He got sober in 2010. He didn't go through a rehab but he used 12-step fellowship to really support his sobriety. So I had exposure to alcoholism and recovery and sobriety, but I really didn't think that I had a problem. I used all of my reasonings possible to justify why I wasn't as bad as you or bad as them, and I would always compare. So it really did. I had to ride that train to the end of the line until I was ready and willing to put my hands up and then, when I was, it was like help me, this is it, I'm done. And so I just went straight to the source and that was, for me, that was rehab Because, like I mentioned, over that last two years of my drinking I did try and stop. I willed myself every single morning to stop, but every single day I failed.

Courtney Andersen: 7:02

Okay, so share with us the detox process.

Ash Butters: 7:07

The detox process was actually really, really interesting. I think I was in so much denial about my drinking that I didn't realize that the quantity that I was drinking every day was quite high and actually quite dangerous to come off of. And I remember sitting on my hospital bed because the rehab that I went to was a psychiatric hospital, and I was sitting on my hospital bed and I was talking to one of the nurses who was doing my intake. So she was asking me all of these questions whilst simultaneously looking through all of my belongings, making sure that I hadn't brought anything into the rehab that might be contraband or might be, you know, anything that was sharp. I wasn't allowed to have any cords, and that was obviously for safety. And she was asking me about my drinking and I was explaining how.

Ash Butters: 7:59

You know, it was generally one to two bottles of wine a night, and then I would always have vodka as well, because I found that I would use the wine as a presentation. That's what I would drink in front of my partner. If I was at my parents' home, I would be drinking that glass of wine, but the wine didn't give me the effect, it didn't give me the relief, it wasn't fast enough. So I would always hide little vodka bottles either in my purse or in my bedroom and I would be jetting off and having that whilst drinking the wine as well, like the law, airplane battles. Yes, exactly right, I would have hundreds of them filling my underwear drawer, which is where I would hide it.

Ash Butters: 8:41

And I was explaining all of this and I saw her face just kind of drop and she explained to me that that amount of alcohol was highly dangerous and that I would be need to be medically detoxed, which I had no idea what that looked like or what that meant. But yeah, the next few days were pretty rough. I was kept in front of the nurses station so that I could be observed every few hours. There was a lot of sweating, there was shaking, there was a lot of nausea and I was given thiamine injections quite regularly, a vitamin B1, which was very painful because they put that in your backside and, like I mentioned, it was every few hours actually. So, yeah, look, the detox process really surprised me. I wasn't expecting it. I actually didn't think that I would need to be medically detoxed. It was uncomfortable, but once it passed, then I was able to have the clarity of mind to start to do the real inner work, which was what I was there to do.

Courtney Andersen: 9:41

Yeah, and I have to say, though, but think, goodness, that you were honest, even in your delusion, that you were honest and you shared that, because it's very easy for us to share our stories being so many years sober, but going back. That's why I always say to people you've got to talk to somebody about detoxing, because I don't know how much you drink, and you could be sitting there lying. I was a person who lied all the time. When I asked at a doctor's office. How much do?

Courtney Andersen: 10:11

you drink and I would be like two glasses of wine and it was like 50 drinks, oh right, Absolutely yes.

Ash Butters: 10:20

I would always back before I was ready. Ready and willing to do whatever it took to get sober. I would lie through my teeth. I would lie to my friends, family, of course, my doctor, because I didn't want to stop drinking, and I'd lie to my therapist, which was crazy being someone to sit there and lie to them like what insanity is that Well right.

Courtney Andersen: 10:42

Did your therapist ever tell you to stop drinking?

Ash Butters: 10:45

Of course not, because they had no idea how much I was drinking.

Courtney Andersen: 10:48

Oh okay, the therapist I saw before I quit drinking. She was like I mean you get this, but like do you ever think about quitting drinking? And then I fired her right after that. That was my last session because she was onto my tricks. But yeah, so it is. It's funny what will happen.

Ash Butters: 11:07

Yeah, it is, and it's interesting. Coming back to that honesty piece that you just referenced, I think I really look at my willingness to get honest as being one of the recipes to success, the secret sauce that I've had in my sobriety, because when I did step through those doors of the rehab center, I was done, I was absolutely cooked and, like I said, I rode that train to the end of the line and in that moment, thank goodness, I knew that I had to leave it all out on the table if I was going to get well. I could leave no stone unturned and I had to be rigorously honest so that I could get the help that I truly needed. And I think that's kept me in really good stead throughout. My sobriety is maintaining that rigorous honesty. Whether that be in 12-step fellowship, whether that be in my relationships at home, all facets of my life, how I show up at work, it's always with honesty first.

Courtney Andersen: 12:06

Yeah, you really have to live, and it sounds like you did the 180 of what? Because that's what I had to do too. It's really quite interesting when you step into this sober life and it just doesn't feel good. Even if you catch yourself starting to tell a little fib, you're like whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're just honest about something or even thinking about it. You're like no, because then there's karma and I can't go back to this. No, no.

Ash Butters: 12:36

Isn't it crazy?

Ash Butters: 12:38

I look at it as I had no connection to my intuition or my internal world back when I was drinking, because I was constantly pouring alcohol over the top of it and numbing out and disconnecting, whereas now that that's been removed, I have such a deep connection to my intuition and my inner knowing that my tolerance for discomfort is really low.

Ash Butters: 13:04

I used to be able to go through life in a world of pain like I was describing, living that every single day in that perpetual hangover and just gritting my teeth and getting through it. I can't do that today. I've removed those things in my life that allowed me to numb out, and it's not just alcohol. I get sober and then I start to use other things, whether that's shopping, relationships. This is really where we develop emotional sobriety by identifying where else we use externals to fill the internal void. I knew deep down that as long as I kept doing that, I wouldn't really find that connection that I have now found today in sobriety, which makes sobriety so sweet and so enjoyable. Not being able to lie has actually been a blessing.

Courtney Andersen: 13:51

No, it really is. If you do approach it like I just can't live like that, because then there gets a feeling of ick yes, because then it reminds you of how you were living. It's such a lifestyle change dramatically of not drinking alcohol, it's like and for some people you got to take the time to let the rest of those behaviors catch up with you, because for some people it doesn't happen just like that. Same thing with emotional sobriety. Some people don't, some people, especially for me, like that first year I just had to not drink alcohol that day. Absolutely Not lie.

Ash Butters: 14:40

Yes, and it is. It is. It's keeping it simple in the early days, isn't it, you know, just really focusing on not picking up a drink a day at a time, and then this other stuff comes over time. Like I didn't start really developing emotional sobriety until after my second year.

Courtney Andersen: 14:55

Yeah, well, and that's you know, because I always say that too. I did an episode about emotional sobriety and I, with another woman, and it's like you might, you're not going to get this in the first 90 days. You just, oh no, you don't, because you don't understand it, because you still have to have some clarity around just what you're drinking was. And then, once you get out of that, it's like, okay, I'm just going to work on not drinking today and there's so, it's just such a process. And then finally you're like one day you're like, oh, this is what emotional sobriety is, where it clicks, you know. So it is one of those things that emotional sobriety does take a, take a minute. But what was your plan, because I'm sure a lot of people want to hear that too what was your action plan? Leaving rehab, because in rehab you are in a bubble, as you described. You know you didn't even know about a shortage of toilet paper happening at that time.

Ash Butters: 15:58

I was lucky that the rehab I went to was a 12-step rehab and that worked really well for me. So what that meant was, even while I was in the rehab, we were still being taken to 12-step meetings of an evening, okay, and so I was starting to be exposed to that type of recovery and at the same time, I was really encouraged to start to delve deeper into my spiritual life. What that looks like for me was practices such as meditation and yoga, learning how to be able to sit with my emotions to quieten the mind and I can talk more about that a little later. But I was given these tools and these techniques that really allowed me to come out of rehab and put recovery first. That was really drilled into me that if I didn't put recovery first, anything else that I cared about, anything else that I wanted to put ahead of recovery, I would end up losing anyway. So it was just better if I put recovery first and then everything else would fall into place as I started to get well. So some of that plan was absolutely attending meetings. I got myself a sponsor. Within the first week of coming out of rehab I started the steps. I was attending regular meetings, staying close to my dad who was in recovery, talking to other sober humans, was really, really important because they understood what I was going through. It was really interesting for me.

Ash Butters: 17:26

Like I said, I came out of rehab and went into lockdown and I was locked down in my apartment in Bondi with my husband, who was still actively using at the time. So, and that was my big, big trigger, but I had to make a choice. I had to make a choice whether or not I wanted to get caught in that cycle of relapse which I was so afraid of, because I thought, if I fall into that cycle of relapse, how am I ever going to pull myself out? And I used that almost in a way as a healthy fear, sort of. I just dangled it there as a little reminder and then I just kept turning to what do I need to do today to put my recovery first? And that's where I started to develop these healthy habits.

Ash Butters: 18:13

Every day I would get outside and move my body. Even when we were in lockdown and we were only allowed to go outside for an hour a day, I made sure I used that hour of the day. Whether it was rain, hail or shine, I would go out and I would move my body and I would walk, and at that time I wasn't very fit at all. You know I've been drinking every day excessively for two years, so health and fitness just hadn't been a priority for me. So I started really small.

Ash Butters: 18:39

I started by just taking my dog for a walk and then over time I found that I started to fall into my yoga practice again, which was something that I nourished and that I started to get a lot of fulfillment in, because I realized all of a sudden, when I removed alcohol from my life, the spiritual connection that I got when I did my yoga practice and that connection back to self really enhanced. So I was moving my body, I was meditating, which was just incredible. I started writing a gratitude list. I just started showing up for myself, but always at the forefront was put recovery first.

Courtney Andersen: 19:11

Yeah, I think that has to. I think that if I think, if you always put your recovery and sprouting first, then it's always that reminder and when you, when that starts taking that back seat, it's so easy just to be like, oh well, this is going on, so I'm not going to do X, y and Z. That makes me feel good. And what people need to do is always, constantly put that first, to keep going, because this isn't you know, and what you're doing and what you have done will always continue if you keep doing that. For long term sobriety. I mean, I still do my things every day. I have to. It helps me keep saying, and going back to walks, like walks are so underutilized and it's just, it's amazing what 20 minutes of just walking can do and I cannot believe you were only allowed an hour outside a day. Oh yeah.

Ash Butters: 20:08

It was so crazy it was really locked down.

Ash Butters: 20:11

Yeah, it was. It was quite insane even to look back and think about that period of time. And the other really interesting thing is is I speak with a lot of people these days who they start to get a little bit of sober time up, you know, maybe 30 days, 60 days, and then they start to stop doing the things because they start to reprioritize, especially children, which, you know, I don't have children, so I can only understand from hearing other people share this. But they'll, they'll become this turning point where they think, oh well, I've got to get back to doing the mom thing, I've got to put my kids first.

Ash Butters: 20:44

And I, what I try to always gently remind people is you need to remember to fill your own cup first. We cannot pour from an empty cup. And really, if you're trying to remove alcohol, which is, I think, one of the hardest things that you'll ever do in your life, then we have to stay diligent, we have to keep putting this first and in doing that you are giving back to your children, you are being of service. It's just a little bit of a mental workaround, you know, to realize that self care isn't selfish. We have to put ourselves first and then we can give back to everyone else and show up the way we need to, and show up as the best versions of ourselves.

Courtney Andersen: 21:21

Yeah, where do you think in history OK, where do you think in history that the self care became this selfish thing? Was it and I'm going a little left here was it because of? Were the men telling women that they shouldn't be doing that Like, is this something that was programmed into us? Because you never hear a man being like oh, I gotta say, I never hear a man being like I shouldn't be doing this, this is all finished when they're either gonna go out and work on their car or going to golfing or hanging out with friends, but then the woman feels bad about doing something for her. So I'm just wondering your opinion.

Ash Butters: 22:08

It's interesting, isn't it? I don't know whether it was men telling us or whether it's just something that we have assumed over time. Maybe it's got to do with the generalization that when women take time for self-care to wind down, that's generally associated with, perhaps, running a bath or putting on a face mask or slowing down, whereas I think men and this is a generalization, of course they tend to do things like you said, like work on their car, go play a game of golf, so there's more activity behind the self-care. I'm not really sure it's interesting, though, isn't it Like? Either way, it's whatever works for you to feel like you're giving time back to yourself and giving yourself that self-love and letting yourself know that you're worthy of that time. However, it looks for you Right.

Courtney Andersen: 22:58

How long, though, did it take for you to get into those healthier habits? Did you just do one thing at a time and then, once you had, like, the walks down, then you would introduce then the meditation, or did you just do it all at once? I have to be honest.

Ash Butters: 23:15

Gautie, I did it all at once. Now I am a type A perfectionist, to the point where I actually had to really address my perfectionism in rehab because it was bordering on dangerous. But everything that I was told to do, I just grabbed it with both hands and, like I said, I put it first and I made sure that. You know, I love a list. I'm not sure if this is the Capricorn in me, but I love a list. I love ticking off a list, a to-do list, and so every single day I would write out the things that I needed to do, starting from, you know, wake up in the morning.

Ash Butters: 23:51

I got into the habit straightaway of setting my alarm in the morning so that I could get up and show up, make sure that before I started work at 9 am which, of course, by this time I was doing work from my desk because we were in lockdown but I would still get up at 6 am to make sure that I had time to move my body, to meditate, to journal, to write my gratitude list, to go for a walk, to get on a meeting, a Zoom meeting, and then start my day at 9 am.

Ash Butters: 24:19

And for me it was really helpful to create a solid morning routine, because I also know that I'm a morning person. If you want me to do something like at 7, what is it? Quarter to 8 in the morning, right now as we chat? If you want me to do something, lock me in in the morning, because I know that's when I'm firing on all cylinders and that's been something whether I, you know, back in the day when I was still drinking in sobriety. That stayed really consistent. So for me it really works to do all of my things in the morning, because if I haven't done one of those things and it gets past lunchtime, say three o'clock in the afternoon, my resistance to wanna do the thing is far greater, and then it starts to feel like an effort, whereas when I'm doing it in the morning, it actually feels like a bit of a gift.

Courtney Andersen: 25:01

Yes, yes, yes, all of the above, I feel you. On the morning thing, you know, I mean I've had to adjust since my little dictator was born. So I've, I have had to adjust. But I will say, like now I've gotten it down where his nap time is, where I just I have to force myself. But yeah, like, come five o'clock, six o'clock at night, I don't wanna do anything.

Courtney Andersen: 25:25

I just don't, I just don't. It's like you gotta save your low level energy task for when you feel that you know and like even till you could put in like responding to emails during that time, like it's just that's where connecting with yourself and understanding yourself and your body and how you move and how you operate makes a world of difference. And you know that, especially when you get the clarity and sobriety Exactly right.

Ash Butters: 25:56

And you know someone's listening along today and you know maybe they're still drinking and they're thinking this all sounds quite overwhelming. Just understand that once you remove the substance that's keeping you disconnected, all of this stuff starts to fall into place and, like we were chatting about earlier, that intuition, that clarity, gets greater and greater. The other thing about doing things in the morning this is my final plug for mornings is it's psychological. If you do the things before you get a chance to think about what you have to do, then it's already done. Like I love getting to my starting my work day knowing that I've already done my meditation and my movement, my daily movement, because if I don't, it hangs over my head and I can't fully be present in the next task that I'm looking to undertake. So for anyone that thinks, oh, I don't know if I can set my alarm that hour earlier, trust me, the benefits are there.

Courtney Andersen: 26:49

Yes, and this is where the emotional sobriety comes into play, because I was learning and I think it was like in year two or something, where I'm like I was still rushing in the morning time, right, like where I would hit my alarm a thousand times, get up, be rushing out the door and in sobriety I'm like this feels like I'm still in active addiction. I don't like this feeling anymore, and so now I and I changed that, where I'm like I'm starting to get up earlier, felt so much better, like how we talked about before, like even going to a, allowing yourself like 30 minutes to go to earlier to a doctor's appointment, just to give yourself that time so you're not late, and understanding that doctors take a little bit from time to time, like in just being a person who's not rushing around in chaos. So that was like the number one thing that came up in first thing. I should say my emotional sobriety. I'm like I don't want my mornings to run like this anymore. Doesn't feel good.

Ash Butters: 27:54

And do you know the other really cool thing about discipline Discipline increases self-esteem. When you're disciplined and you commit to things mentally and then you show up for yourself over time, consistently, your self-worth and your self-esteem starts to grow exponentially and you start to trust yourself, which for me was huge, because of course I had. I'd come from a daily cycle where I was breaking a promise to myself every single day. So to be able to flip that completely, do a 180 and now make promises that I show up and I commit to for myself every single day has just been profound for my mental health and my self-esteem.

Courtney Andersen: 28:43

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Courtney Andersen: 29:14

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Courtney Andersen: 29:59

It's time to start feeling your best self, and you can learn more at ExactNaturecom. Again, the link is in the show notes. I strongly recommend CBD to help you along your sobriety and recovery journey. Exact Nature now offers free shipping on all orders Absolutely Well. What do you say to the person who is in that where they keep breaking their promise to themselves. On a day because I felt that I used to be that way too where I'm like I'm never drinking again, and then five o'clock came and I got my little pig fingers on a bottle and I'm like this is great, but what do you say to a person who's still breaking promises to themselves?

Ash Butters: 30:45

Yeah, I think what I would say is it's time to get honest. It's time to get honest with yourself and to really ask yourself is this the way that I want to live my life? What I came to realize was that nobody was coming to save me, like I really had to do the work and be willing to change. You know, if nothing changes, nothing changes. So it's about getting really honest. And then if you do have that mental discussion and you decide, yep, I've had enough, I don't want to do another day like this then reach out and ask for help, whether it's a loved one, whether it's somebody in the Sova community. There are so many places that you can go to to reach out for help and you'll be guided.

Ash Butters: 31:31

It's very hard to know where to start when you don't have anybody that you know a loved one, perhaps that's in addiction or in recovery, but it really is. You know, it's just an extension of the hand to start. You know, whether you're listening to a Sova podcast like this, you can like send me a DM on Instagram. I'll guide you to where to go. Like it's one of the things I love about this community. I'm sure you're the same Courtney as anybody that reaches out a hand and says I need help, like we're there.

Courtney Andersen: 31:59

Mm-hmm, it's very true, it is very true and can direct you in the place of where you want. We can want to be, you know, even if it's just suggesting like have you tried AA meetings have?

Courtney Andersen: 32:12

you tried you know, have you tried this? This is where you should start if this feels right for you, exactly, exactly right. So, going back to the habits thing, if a person is not because there's a lot of people, though, who are like that where it's just like let me just do all of it at once, no problem. But what would be, what would be a tip you would for somebody to get started, I would say, of incorporating a new habit, because it can be overwhelming for some people.

Ash Butters: 32:44

Okay, great question. I would recommend starting where there is the least amount of resistance. Oh, that's good. Yes, so if you find going for if you've got a dog say you've got a dog and you know your dog needs a walk and you have always managed to get around the block and take your dog for a walk then start with that and just focus on the consistency piece, because maybe prior, when you was still drinking, you were walking your dog. You know, a couple of times a week, but a lot of the time you were hungover so you weren't doing that. Commit to yourself to make that a daily exercise, a part of your daily routine, and put it into your routine where it fits best. It doesn't have to be in the morning, although I strongly recommend the morning. Create the least amount of resistance possible, so exercise might be one.

Ash Butters: 33:37

Writing a gratitude list is an amazing place to start. There's something really, really powerful about writing a gratitude list, and you will hear people talk about the fact that neurons that fire together wire together. So this is really all about having your thoughts create your reality. So if we put ourselves into a positive mindset at the beginning of the day, it's really quite profound what your mind will be drawn to throughout the rest of the day and you'll find that you'll start to see more positives throughout your life. Now, a gratitude list may feel confusing. People might be like I don't even know where to start. Literally, just write three things that you're grateful for, and I do encourage you to write these down, whether you're putting a pen to paper or you're typing them into your phone. But there's something about the act of actually getting it out of your head and into the universe that's really powerful. I actually write my gratitude list every morning and I send it to a group of sober women, which works really, really well for me. I know some people like to do their gratitude of an evening and they'll sit down and do that with their family. It's a really great exercise that you can do. If you've got little kids sitting around the table of an evening, you know, over a meal, thinking about what you're grateful for. But again, it's all about this consistency, because what we're looking to do is rewire neural pathways and if you have naturally had a negative outlook on life, then that's going to take time and it's going to take consistency to keep showing up for yourself every single day, but over time, that gratitude practice, it becomes second nature. But it's the deeper shift over time that is really really powerful. So gratitude lists, getting yourself out, moving your body so that you've got that natural dopamine and that improvement in mental health, I think it's really interesting.

Ash Butters: 35:42

A lot of people will assume that exercise is all about your physical health. And yes, absolutely there is a benefit to your physical health. But what is a far greater benefit is the benefit to your mental health. So we do. We have all of these delicious endorphins and dopamines that run through our body when we move our body. And it doesn't have to be a big amount of exercise. But again, like I said, that consistency is really really important.

Ash Butters: 36:09

And then the third thing that I will touch on, which has been so profound in my recovery and really changing my mental state, has been meditation. Now, meditation, I know can be a little bit of a prickly subject for some people. They hear the word meditation and they think, oh no, I couldn't think of anything worse. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes and sit there with my own thoughts. And what I say to those people is if meditation is something that really turns you off, what about mindfulness?

Ash Butters: 36:40

And mindfulness is so simple to practice.

Ash Butters: 36:44

It can be as simple as when you step into the shower. You start to become aware of the water droplets as they hit your skin and they run down your body and into the drain. You become mindful of the soap as it lavers in your hands. Really, just slowing down and being aware of your external world and how that relates to your internal world, that's how you start practicing mindfulness. Maybe it's when you're out on your walk. You're aware of the temperature in the air, the sound of the leaves rustling as you pass them by, there's all these subtleties and nuances that are happening around us at every minute of the day. But we're so caught up in our own mind, in our own internal world, that we often don't stop to see the beauty.

Ash Butters: 37:34

So, starting with the practice of mindfulness and then, when you are ready to start meditating, go into a guided meditation, that I still, to this day, use guided meditations. They are such a fantastic resource because we naturally, as humans, we have these monkey minds. We have these minds that want to run off, and especially when you're trying to meditate more than anything else, that they cause distraction. But a guided meditation will gently keep bringing you back to the moment and there's plenty of free resources. I've got free guided meditations on my website or you can send me a DM and I'll send you the link to some free resources there.

Ash Butters: 38:14

Absolutely brilliant, just to get yourself comfortable with the idea of meditating and once again showing up consistently. What you'll find is that over time, you start to create space in your mind. If you think of the mind like the ocean, when the ocean is choppy and the weather is crazy and wild, there's no way that you can see the bottom of the ocean. You can't see clearly. The mind is exactly the same. When we have all of these thoughts racing through our mind, we can't see clearly. We can't actually decipher what is real and what is true. When you start to practice meditation, that stillness, that water calms and settles and it's like looking to the bottom of the ocean on a clear, calm day and that's where we get that clarity of thought which is so powerful to guide you on this journey of sobriety and recovery.

Courtney Andersen: 39:02

Yeah, I'm a huge fan of meditation and believe in it and think that that is probably one of the most useful tools you could take With you, and the sooner you do it, the better off you will be in the long run. And that's the thing, too, about walking. And I hate and I've said this before in an episode, I hate to even say it Silent walks, when I mean it's like I heard another person refer to it and made me giggle because I was like you know, I used to do those all the time. It was just walking. But silent walks are just when you're not tuned into music, not listening to anything, not on your phone, and you're just walking.

Courtney Andersen: 39:44

You were just walking and you were like you said you're listening to the sounds around you, you are taking in your smelling the fresh air, you're breathing it in, you're looking at a house suddenly like oh, I didn't notice that because you weren't paying attention and being mindful on that walk before. So it's just like, even if you just did that twice a week, that's a whole mindfulness slash meditation and it's on.

Ash Butters: 40:13

Absolutely yeah, and it's all about coming back to that present moment, isn't it? So many people that I speak to you know they're either future tripping, worrying about stuff that hasn't happened, or they're ruminating and they're sitting in the past. But when you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you're pissing on the present moment like it's. You know, like we're ruining the one moment we have, which is the present moment.

Courtney Andersen: 40:37

Absolutely. What do you say to people who are stuck in the past and do that spiral?

Ash Butters: 40:45

Exactly that it's. We cannot change the past. The past has happened and no matter how much rumination, how much you beat yourself over the head with an invisible stick, how much you punish yourself for things that have happened in the past, it's not going to change the past. The only power that we have is the impact that we can make in the present moment and how we choose to show up today. And when you can free yourself of the past, then you can be so much more impactful in the future. The person that you want to be, and how you're going to influence not only your world, but the world of anyone else that you have contact with, right and to it. Meditation helps with living that way.

Courtney Andersen: 41:29

Absolutely it is it is.

Ash Butters: 41:31

It is number one really just getting yourself into that present moment and it's just like going to the gym and working out your biceps. We we're strengthening our mind muscles every time we carve out that five, 1015 minutes to sit down and meditate. I love it. Well, thank you for this conversation.

Courtney Andersen: 41:47

Where can the good people of the world find you.

Ash Butters: 41:54

Oh, thank you for this conversation, courtney. I've loved chatting with you here this morning. So, if you want to find me, I'm super active on Instagram it's at Ash butters and, like I said, if you want to find me, you can find me on Instagram, ash butters. And, like I said, if you want those free guided meditations, just DM me the word meditate and I'll make sure that I send those across to you. I also have my website, ash butterscom, and I also have my podcast behind the smile, which you have featured on, and you can find that where you listen to all great podcasts.

Courtney Andersen: 42:22

And I will link all of your information in the show notes below. So make sure you check out ashes information and definitely she's giving out free meditations. Take her up on that offer because they will help you along your journey today. Well, thank you so much for this talk. I always enjoy talking to with you and I'm sure the good people of the world loved it too.

Ash Butters: 42:48

Oh, thank you, courtney, and I look forward to seeing you in Australia, hopefully soon. Yes, absolutely.

Courtney Andersen: 42:52

All right, thank you, bye.