Reclaiming Vibrancy in Sobriety with Gayle McDonald

Episode 164:Reclaiming Vibrancy in Sobriety with Gayle McDonald

In episode 164 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Gyle McDonald to the show and discusses mindset in sobriety.

Gayle shares her story and her narrative on the empowering shift that sobriety brings to one's existence was as enlightening as it was inspiring. The ladies dismantle the fear that life's vibrancy fades without the crutch of alcohol.

Gayle McDonald, is a life and sobriety coach, teacher, author, and podcast host of Sober Bliss.

What you will learn in this episode:

• Power of Mindset in Sobriety 
• Sitting still the first month 
• Gayle's Story of Sobriety and Recovery
• Empowering shifts in sobriety 

Thank you for listening, and we hope this episode helps.

Reviews help the show. Please rate, Review, and Subscribe to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Thank you to our Sponsors.

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Transcript

Gayle McDonald: 0:00

Music, music.

Courtney Andersen: 0:31

Hey, welcome to the Soberbives podcast. I am your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 164. We have a wonderful guest today. Our guest today is Gail McDonald.

Courtney Andersen: 0:46

Gail McDonald is a life and sobriety coach, teacher, author, and she is the host of the Sober Bliss podcast. I love talking with Gail. I was able to talk with her on her podcast a while ago, so if you haven't listened to that one, listen to it Again. Her podcast is called Sober Bliss and then you can listen to this one and it's just great. I love when us podcast hosts get to switch, because it really is nice being interviewed and I know that they feel the same way. A little switch off, right. So Gail talks to us today about mindset and how she switched her mindset around when she was in the process of quitting drinking and then when she was in it right and looked at it a different way.

Courtney Andersen: 1:35

If I can say that is the one of the biggest keys in the beginning. I know it's so easy to feel like you are missing out in all of this stuff. And why you, why you, why you, why can't you drink? Mother aphor? All that stuff Like this isn't fair, all of that. Okay, I get it, I understand it, I was in it. But then there's a process where it shifts and you're like God, I'm not waking up hungover, I don't have to do the apology to her, all of that stuff that you're no longer in, and it's like what was I really missing out in the first place? So, the sooner you can look at this as a positive thing in your life, rather than that you are somehow being, you are somehow being screwed by the universe because you can't drink alcohol, it's not the case. And you, when you get sober and you get that clarity and you start waking up to the fact of seeing around you, like, yeah, this is actually, this is actually a good thing, and that's where I want you to look at it and that the mindset of going into this, of how much your life is going to improve it, makes such a difference. And it helps for those early days when you want to say fuck it and just go straight to the bottle. When you practice, that mindset shift and then you have the awareness to that. So Gail shares more about it, which she so, she so explains in such a beautiful way and an easy, comprehensive way to take with you where you're like, okay, cool, I got this.

Courtney Andersen: 3:17

I hope you enjoy this episode. Make sure, if you haven't, to grab a copy of my book Sober Vibes a guide to helping you in your first three months without alcohol. I walk you through those first three months and if you're after that point, so pick it up, because it has helped many who are past that three month mark. It's great reminders and I'm sure there's going to be something in there that is going to you're going to hear that you haven't heard before. Trust and believe in you. This is something you need to keep hearing along your journey.

Courtney Andersen: 3:51

Also, too, if you are needing extra support in your journey, please feel free to check out the sobriety circle, formerly known as the fix. Tons of ladies in there right now really supportive of one another. I love seeing that. Meetings, weekly meetings there's about two meetings a week. I don't want to overwhelm you.

Courtney Andersen: 4:10

It's a separate app and then, starting this month, I am as in the month of January of 2024, I'm adding a workshop to it and that workshop is actually recorded, so you can always watch that back and it will always be there for you if you cannot make the live workshop. So I'm going to be doing a monthly workshop in there, with monthly workshop in there, which I'm excited about, a lot of the calls or coaching calls and the sober check ins. There is a book club, personal development, affirmations, journal, prompts all in one for you and, like I said, their support and accountability and other women in there who are doing the damn thing and they are doing it. Please use code 2024 at checkout to save $10 off your first month. All right, if you need any other resources, please check the links in the show notes as well as check out the sponsors for the month of January. I hope you enjoyed this episode and if you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. Enjoy, hi Gail. Thanks for being on the show today.

Gayle McDonald: 5:20

Hi, courtney, thank you, it's so lovely to be here.

Courtney Andersen: 5:23

I know it's great talking to you. We talked on your podcast a couple months ago. We did.

Gayle McDonald: 5:31

Yes, yes, and it was. I've had such lovely feedback. Everybody really enjoyed the episode. Oh good, you were inspiring, you were Good, good.

Courtney Andersen: 5:40

Well, I enjoyed talking to you, so I'm glad you're here on the Sober Vibes podcast today to share with us about you. And when did you get sober?

Gayle McDonald: 5:49

I got sober on the 28th of March in 2018.

Courtney Andersen: 5:55

Okay, okay, yeah, and how has that process been for you?

Gayle McDonald: 6:01

You know what? It's been really nice. And I wasn't expecting to say that, because before I quit drinking I was really worried that it would be hard and I would be miserable and it would be a struggle every single day and that I just would miss drinking and all of those things and it really put me off trying because of the preconception I had about what it would be. I really didn't want to be like to drink, not to drink, and also I couldn't imagine not drinking. So that was really scary, because what do people do on a Friday or a Wednesday when they don't drink? That was my initial thought and I went into a panic when I tried to imagine what my life would look like without alcohol in it. But in the end it was nothing like I imagined it at all and that I think partly because I kind of had the intention that I would make it as lovely an experience as possible. I didn't know how I would do that, but I went into it with a positive attitude, if you like.

Courtney Andersen: 7:23

So what did you end up then doing on Friday nights when you gave up alcohol? What was it? Because everybody is always different, but that's a huge, major fear for people and if you don't have that fear, then you'll have it at some point it comes up.

Gayle McDonald: 7:42

Well, to be honest, the first two months it doesn't matter what night it was, the first two months were basically on the sofa with tea and cake. We found some weirdly Danish crime DVDs to watch with subtitles so we had to focus on those. So there was no way that I could drink having to read subtitles. So we found something to watch to occupy my mind and I had tea and cake and that's what I did for two whole months. And then gradually I shifted away from that and there was a bit of a variety and Friday nights actually became family night, so we would make a pizza together and the kids would choose the toppings and they would put the toppings on and help make the dough when we would have a movie for that particular night. So it very much became a focus on the kids and family time. And in the summer obviously it's too hot to eat pizza because we lived in Spain then. So it would be something different, or we would be outside or whatever.

Courtney Andersen: 9:03

I love that. But I love that you eventually then put the focus into on a Friday night, like the family night, and doing something of having it being fun and interactive for everyone, of making pizza and then all watching a movie together. I mean that really is some wholesome fun, yeah Right. And in just such bonding time and some quality time that you can experience and that is not going to cost you a ton of money and it's making memories for a lifetime.

Gayle McDonald: 9:39

Absolutely, and it's the kind of thing that I wanted to do when I was drinking, and I suppose I thought that I was doing that. Friday night was like, well, have a fun night and let's do this. Maybe we did have a pizza, but the atmosphere just wasn't the same, because the more I drank, the more the focus came on to me and didn't matter what anybody else wanted to watch, for example, or what they wanted on the pizza, because the more I drank, the more selfish I became and it was all about me, me, me, and I want to have a good time, and that wasn't a good place to be in but, it was nice to be that mum that I thought.

Courtney Andersen: 10:22

I was Right. How long did it take for you to recognize that when you quit drinking alcohol because that's a process to recognize how you actually did come off and see how you impacted others- I'm not sure.

Gayle McDonald: 10:37

really. I think, like you said, it's a gradual process and the more I Kind of got in touch with myself through sobriety, the more I understood myself, the more I came to accept that, yeah, there were times when I wasn't a very nice person and I suppose over time it's become more and more evident just how much better I am as a mum and a partner and a friend without the alcohol. I think it's a gradual learning process that we go through.

Courtney Andersen: 11:16

Yeah, absolutely. I do too. Like how you said that, though, because I want to go back to this, because I think there's an importance here where a lot of people, especially busy moms, working moms, just moms in general, women in general where we think that we have to be doing the most all the time, right? So your first couple months kind of reminds me of my first couple months where it's just like I had to just sit still, yeah, and binge watch something wholesome and keep busy with my hands. Did in that period of time? Did you ever think like I should be doing more? Or were you OK with being on your couch watching some Danish movies, dvds, focusing on subtitles, and just eating or drinking some tea and eating cake? Were you fine with that? Like, this is what I need to do.

Gayle McDonald: 12:11

I was at first Good, okay, yeah, because there is this need and I hear it from my clients all the time. Maybe I should be working out or going for a run or going on a diet and doing all the other things, because I am an inverted commerce sober now and in inverted commerce I can, because I've got all of this again in inverted commerce energy. But really I think it just puts too much pressure on us. The way I thought about it was it's okay right now to just not drink. That's all you have to focus on. However, you can do that, gayle, just do that. It was a bit of an indulgence, I think, to sit on the sofa every night with tea and cake. I quite enjoyed it, but I definitely needed it to do nothing else. Yeah.

Courtney Andersen: 13:06

I just told a friend of mine today that rest is doing something. In the process of giving up alcohol, your body really does need it and crave it. There were many nights that you weren't getting quality sleep, so it's okay currently, right now, just to rest. That's doing something because you are healing your body and giving it something that it has not gotten in a very long time. I just wanted to highlight that of the tea and the cake on the couch that it's okay to do.

Courtney Andersen: 13:43

A lot of people, I think, when they quit drinking alcohol, it's like okay, I gave up alcohol. Now exactly what you said, I need to be going to do this, this and this. It's like part of breaking that cycle of giving up alcohol and being in that cycle is to actually just allow yourself to rest and recognize the healing process of this, because I know a lot of people don't really want to use the word recovery if they don't identify with having a major drinking problem. But the reality of it is when you quit drinking alcohol, for anybody, there is a recovery process you have to go through mind, body and soul.

Gayle McDonald: 14:24

Yeah, definitely, definitely. And I would add to that and say that I also napped a lot and after the two months then naturally I felt, okay, I might be ready to do something now and I started walking as well and gradually started to bring in other practices like meditation and yoga and those kind of things. But they were natural progressions, I suppose Because of the rest and the stillness then I was able to listen, to say, well, I needed next. Nothing was forced and I think that's important.

Courtney Andersen: 15:09

Yeah, to just listen to your body and just see what it's saying for you to do next. I love that. I love that Because where do you live now?

Gayle McDonald: 15:20

I just literally moved back to the UK about a month ago.

Courtney Andersen: 15:25

I do because I don't think I've brought this up many times on this podcast. But how was it for you quitting drinking alcohol in Europe? Because it is very? I mean, all of the majority of parts of the world are very heavily influenced with alcohol, but over in Europe it is okay and acceptable to drink at a very, very young age.

Gayle McDonald: 15:58

Yeah, yeah, it's very much part of the culture, the social part of it.

Courtney Andersen: 16:04

Right, but like in the United States, it's like no, no, no, no. You cannot drink till you're 21. I know some families allow it at a certain point, but it would almost be like semi-child abuse if you were letting your kid drink alcohol in the United States at 12, right, yeah? So how was that for you to give up alcohol in such an? It was embedded in your culture.

Gayle McDonald: 16:30

Well, I would. I'm British, so the British culture is not quite the same as the European culture. Okay, in an English family it's not acceptable to give your kid wine at dinner when they're 12 years old. That's more French, french, yes.

Gayle McDonald: 16:46

However, in my little Spanish village that I lived in, I think there were about a thousand people and there were nine bars to accommodate only a thousand people. So that's a big number of bars per person and it is a very social thing. It turned o'clock in the morning when the builders and other tradesmen would break for breakfast. They would pass around a bottle of beer to go with their ham sandwich. So it was everywhere all the time. But again, it's more a social thing.

Gayle McDonald: 17:22

So, yeah, you might get a beer at 10 in the morning, but it would just be a sip or it would be a small glass, whereas in the British culture which I was used to I was very much a home drinker you would drink to get hammered. Basically, we would drink at home all night. We wouldn't do what the Spanish do, and that's my experience Go out at eight, have a one drink at the bar and then go home and have your dinner. It was quite different, so from that point of view it wasn't too bad, because it's quite common to go out again in my village it's my experience and have an alcohol free beer. That's fine and nobody bat an eye lid what you're drinking oil. Have a aquarius or a soda water or an alcohol free beer, no problem. So there wasn't that kind of pressure.

Courtney Andersen: 18:18

That social pressure? Yeah, not at all which helped massively.

Gayle McDonald: 18:23

It really did Not that we went out very often, I have to add.

Courtney Andersen: 18:28

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Courtney Andersen: 19:48

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Courtney Andersen: 20:42

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Gayle McDonald: 21:39

I do, yeah, yeah. Well, kind of like what I said at the beginning, I decided that instead of worrying about the process of quitting drinking, I would make it as lovely an experience as I possibly could. So that was the main focus. I made a promise to myself that I would celebrate myself often, I would treat myself often, and that is not spending a ton of money on things. It was just doing something nice, which involved, as I said, a lot of tea and cake in the beginning, but I also had a really powerful mantra that I talk about a lot, and the mantra was I am not drinking, no matter what.

Gayle McDonald: 22:30

And that really helped me because it took away the decision making process, because a lot of the struggle that I encountered was shall I, shall I not how much when?

Gayle McDonald: 22:43

Maybe I'll stop for this weekend, or maybe I'll stop during the week, or maybe I'll stop for a month to say to myself I'm just not drinking, no matter what was super helpful because I didn't say I'm never, ever drinking again, because this whole forever thing was just too big and scary. But it also was kind of where I am now and also where I could be tomorrow, and it just took away that decision and also accountability in some ways. So I knew that, no matter what happened, no matter if it was a good day or a bad day, if I was sad or happy, then I just wasn't drinking. That was it. So then of course, I had to figure out well, what am I going to do instead? Which is where the other how do I relax, how do I have a treat, how do I cope with stress? Those kind of things would come in. But it shifted the focus away from the alcohol and on to living an alcohol-free life.

Gayle McDonald: 23:51

And that really helped, because it made me focus on not what I was giving up, but more on what I was doing now. What was I doing instead? And, yeah, that really really helped.

Courtney Andersen: 24:05

That's good. Those are great tips, especially to with that mantra, I'm not drinking, no matter what. That's a good one. I say something in my group coaching program where I have said alcohol is no longer the option. Yeah, exactly. And when you put or yes, or the choice, however you want to say that, or however taking your mantra and for the listener to put it, connect with it how you want to. If you want to take some words out, add some in, but it is the it's. When you shift your mindset around that it's, it makes for, I believe, a little bit of an easier time.

Gayle McDonald: 24:46

Yeah, definitely, definitely.

Courtney Andersen: 24:49

And it does come down to too. It's like how, how, when you keep giving in in drinking alcohol, when it keeps happening. It's like what are you learning from this, and at what point are you going to decide that you know what? This just ends the same.

Gayle McDonald: 25:06

Yeah, yeah, it does, it does Right, and that mantra, or what you said, was not an option anymore. It's. It's simple, but it's powerful, because it kind of breaks the loop, if you like. It allows you to step over that threshold and try something different and allow yourself to explore and experiment, instead of reverting back again and again to the old, same old, same old which, yeah, never ends. Well, right, right.

Courtney Andersen: 25:40

Well, thank you for sharing all of that. Those are good tips and I and I hope, I hope you listening right now you'll you'll take that and and figure out how those tips work best for you. So this episode will be airing in 2024, in the beginning of 2024. And what would you? What would you say to somebody who's looking to quit drinking in 2024?

Gayle McDonald: 26:08

I would say that there's so much more for you in 2024 if you do choose differently, if you do remove the alcohol from the equation and go for it. You know what it's like to drink, so why not explore and experiment and see what it's like not to drink and commit this form a place of kindness and love and sitting on the couch drinking tea, eating cake? You deserve a bit of a break. You deserve a rest to treat yourself.

Courtney Andersen: 26:48

So, yeah, I love that and too, I mean just for anyone starting their alcohol free journey in 2024, just imagine how different your life is going to look If you keep going in this year not drinking alcohol today. I guarantee I don't want to overwhelm anybody by giving them the whole gas a year without booze, but just think of that like a challenge. Giving yourself that challenge, yeah, with the possibilities of my life looking very differently in one year. It's incredible.

Gayle McDonald: 27:28

Yeah, yeah, maybe focus on that, maybe have a little vision or think about how you will feel and connect to those powerful emotions and feelings of what it would be like to be a whole year alcohol free, because it's a good feeling, very good feeling.

Courtney Andersen: 27:46

It is. It is Well, thank you, Gail. Thank you for coming on the show, and where can people find you?

Gayle McDonald: 27:52

You can find me online. I've got a website, soberblisscom. I've also got a book out soberbliss, quick drinking, feel good. Honestly, if you type in soberbliss, I'm bound to pop up somewhere.

Courtney Andersen: 28:07

That's amazing. Did your book just come out, came out?

Gayle McDonald: 28:11

end of October.

Courtney Andersen: 28:12

Fantastic, fantastic. And what's your book?

Gayle McDonald: 28:16

It'll help you through Dry January.

Courtney Andersen: 28:18

Yes, absolutely. And what is your book about?

Gayle McDonald: 28:21

It's a three month plan that I wrote for my one to one client basically Nice and it takes you through the whole three months and the focus is on how to quit drinking and feel good about it, which is what I did, and over five years later, it's still still working. I'm still feeling good, that's awesome.

Courtney Andersen: 28:45

Well, congratulations. Writing a book is not an easy process. It's not an easy process, and then putting the energy out to the world and sharing that book with people is that's a job too. So well, congratulations on all that and yes, I will put all I will put. Your podcast, your website, your book information will all be in the show notes below. So definitely check out, gail, and again, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us today.

Gayle McDonald: 29:16

Oh, thanks, courtney, it's been so nice. I'm so glad to be here.

Courtney Andersen: 29:21

I'm glad you were here too, and thank you for listening, and we'll see you on the next episode.