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Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about alcohol-free living, Sober Vibes delivers the support, insights, resources, and encouragement you need.
Join a like-minded community and discover how sobriety can unlock a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Don’t just quit drinking—have fun on this sobriety journey!
Sober Vibes Podcast
LOTE: Seasonal Depression and Catching up with the Elledge Sisters
Episode 218: LOTE: Seasonal Depression and Catching up with the Elledge Sisters
In episode 218 of the Sober Vibes podcast, the Elledge sisters return with a new episode of Livin on the El-Ledge, a show within a show.
Courtney and Kimberly discuss living with seasonal depression, family health crises, and maintaining sobriety through life's most challenging moments. We explore how the Michigan winter blues affect our mental health and share strategies for coping when sunshine feels like a distant memory.
What you will learn in this episode:
• Seasonal depression hits hard in Michigan winters, with months of gray skies affecting mood and motivation
• Kimberly and Courtney both experienced significant health challenges this winter, with pneumonia, flu, and other illnesses compounding seasonal blues
• Navigating parent-child relationships as parents age and facing mortality in healthy ways
• The importance of being present and showing up consistently in recovery, even when others still view you through the lens of your past
If you want Kimmy and Courtney to discuss specific topics or answer questions for this season of the podcast, please send a direct message or email and let us know what you want us to discuss!
Thank you to our Sponsor:
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Resources Mentioned:
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- Website → www.courtneyrecovered.com
Remember: You are strong. You are capable. You are not alone. Keep thriving! Thank you for listening!
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This is Courtney. This is Kimberly. You are listening to the show within the show Living on the L-Edge. Come live with us. We're talking about the road to recovery and sobriety and how to vibe and maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle. Hey, welcome back to another episode of the Sober Vibes podcast. You are actually listening to the show within the show, living on the L Edge. We are finally back for season six. Sister, we're back. Baby, did you guys miss me? I bet, I bet you did, and this is episode 218. Sister, I've missed talking to you via podcast, even though we talk almost every day yeah, pretty much Other than the past couple months when we've disassociated or have had fucking the plague, correct.
Courtney Andersen :Or you burning your eyes out, bro, that was ridiculous. It was Because I think we were supposed to record that day or the next day, and then you burned your eyes out at work. You guys, there was an on-work accident that happened. Now I see why people have to get the workman's comp Because, fuck, I was at work it's a Friday night, we're starting to get into a busy night and I had to use some spray behind the bar and then I went to go change the chemicals for the dishwasher and oops, went the dynamite my eyes. And then it just progressively got worse. But like I had to get taken out of work and go to the urgent care and they had to flush my eyes. What hurt more that?
Courtney Andersen :Or when you had that allergy attack when you were going to Orlando for my 40th and you were like your eyes were all fucked up from allergies because your winkies were like popping on that plane. Yeah, that was, that was awful. That was an allergy attack that I've never had, because I've never had allergies in my whole life. That was awful. That lasted the whole day, ruined my lunch. I couldn't even open my eyes. It was awful. No, the chemical burn definitely hurt. I mean, when I called you I couldn't even open my eyes. She really couldn't. Her papers were wild and just burnt, burnt. That really sucked. I had to lay down y'all, but then I couldn't lay down and close my eyes because it hurt worse. So I was just like wandering out my apartment like a fucking zombie. Drexel, I couldn't settle down. Yeah, I couldn't even hardly take him outside. I opened the door and was like go piss anywhere, go ahead Anywhere you like young blood, because I can't see anything. So literally out of sight, out of mind. Ain't no thing, ain't no thing. But we're back, baby, we're back. So if you and if you, the good people of the world, when Kimmy and I was about to call you Titi If you want Kimmy and I to talk about anything or answer any of your questions, shoot in for this season of the podcast.
Courtney Andersen :Please send us a DM or email me and let us know what you want us to chit chat about. Yeah, 100%, let us know Courtney's DMs, my DMs, the show's DMs, whatever. However, we're available. Kimmy and I kind of wanted to talk about because we both get it and it's like we both are coming out of it, and I can tell in the wintertime when Kim starts going through her seasonal depression, you can, I mean sometimes, yeah For sure, it's just a vibe I get from you. Yeah, because I'm fucking over it, bro, and I know this is very common for people and it can be an emotional roller coaster and even to going into it like it's all fun and games, I'm fine, and then January, a week or two after the New Year's, hits, and then it's like Jesus.
Courtney Andersen :So if you live in a state where you experience that and there's hardly any sunshine, it is not for the weak. No, I usually do good until the end of February, beginning of March. Then I start to get real antsy. The past couple of weeks I've been wanting to crawl out of my skin. It's just vitamin D, the lack of, and just being cooped out out. And my sister knows me, I love the sun man, so the sun popped out a couple of times in my winter eyes. I went outside to go sun gaze and it's, you can't even open them and look at natural light. I was like my neighbors probably think I'm insane. I'm like literally like hissing at the sun because it just hurts so bad, because we don't, we don't get the sun all winter. It's just like doom and gloom for six months December, january, february, march. Yeah, we're going into the fifth month here and we're over it y'all. It's like a real thing.
Courtney Andersen :When people say seasonal depression, I get it. And then in Michigan everyone starts to get antsy and moody, everyone's moody, yeah. So if a nice day happens, it's holy shit and you see people out and about and just the change of the mood. So yeah, and to when you start saying that you need to go on a vacation, that's when I'm like, especially around this time or I need to go to the beach. That's when I can tell with you that you're, you're in. Yeah, I'm about to book a flight and I'm going to the beach. I'm out of here, dude, I can't take this shit anymore. And the older I get, the more I see that it is. I understand the snowbird.
Courtney Andersen :I guess I do kind of say that when I start getting antsy, I start looking up beach vacations and like Bora Bora and shit, and that's nice, and I'm just really ready to just risk it all and have my sister send me my whole savings account and say, fuck it. Yeah, like a couple of weeks ago, when you were bringing up Thailand, I was like, oh, here we go, yes, thailand, cause I'm going, I gotta go, I just can't. It's too much for me. I literally, and it's like everyone's cooped up and I live alone, just me and little Drexel. And if you're new to the show, little Drexel's my son, my French bulldog, and I'm ready to leave him behind. I don't even give a shit. I've been with him all winter and I'll see you in two weeks. Little Drexel, I gotta go, yeah. Well, and this winter was hard too. I mean it was for myself with seasonal depression. It definitely was.
Courtney Andersen :As you guys know, on Good People of the World or if you're in my sobriety circle or my one-on-one culture, this was the first year of being as sick as I have ever been in my life and I side-eyed that three-and-a-half-year-old dictator. Yeah, you guys were sick a lot. We were sick January with that. Well, you had walking pneumonia. No, it wasn't walking, I had straight-up double lung pneumonia. It was in this one lung and then it moved over.
Courtney Andersen :You guys, if you've ever worked so sick like I, was sick over Christmas, so I really didn't have a Christmas, I spent it alone in bed. But I worked for two weeks like the holidays, which no shade, I really am a fucking animal. But I do not remember working two weeks out of December because I was so fucking sick and I just did it. I don't know how I did that, but my body went into fight or flight Because if you're in the service industry, you don't give up those two weeks, you just don't do it. So everyone was sick and I started going down and then I ended up.
Courtney Andersen :I had because that cold season this year was nuts Like bronchitis, pneumoniaitis, pneumonia, rsp, all this shit. Well, I got hit with the pneumonia and well, and, and I, yes, and then, after a month of that, I remember you saying too that you were like depressed because of, and I felt so bad because tt kimmy, who was tt cj college, kimmy t the dictator, and she kind of came over for Christmas and she called me and just was like crying on the phone. I really felt bad. I felt bad, yeah, because I really do like Christmas. Yeah, because now we have our little tradition with our China cafe and laying around Right, laying around in our PJs and just eating snacks and we do our gift exchange and it's not about that, but it's fun. You guys are the only ones who give me a gift. So I really look forward to that. I know, kim, this year we packed you some boxes. When Kim finally came over to celebrate. We're like man, you really come up over here. I did. We got her like three different 12 packs of beverages, yep, and that was fun, but I did feel bad for you.
Courtney Andersen :So you had that like January we had that respiratory not full blown of pneumonia, but we had respiratory stuff that lingered throughout the three of us. And then February had that fucking God awful flu and with a touch of gallstones added into me. And then March, we just two weeks ago just had that stomach flu and that went through all three of us. That was awful. Yeah, you guys have been down for the count. Yeah, so like for me these past three months it was like, okay, by the time I started feeling better, I'm like, okay, get to start doing this, this and this. And then it was like and then a week and a half, two weeks later, we're all sick with something else again.
Courtney Andersen :So I kind of rode that wave and was in a lot of low pockets. Yeah, it wasn't the best winter, I would say, since we've all smoked glass, good people, but we are survivors. So we just kept it moving. But there were a couple low points. Christmas was definitely a bummer for me because my sister and I have spent over the years way back when we've spent like a couple of Christmases alone. So it was like a little bit triggering and it was just like it was lonely, it sucked and I was so fucking tired from working I just had an emotional crash out and then, just being so sick, you're just like God and then you just don't have anyone to like like close to take care of you kind of, or to like help, and you're just like, fuck, you really just got to go at it alone. But it's fine, I did it.
Courtney Andersen :But I am looking forward for this weather to break because I'm about to be outside motherfuckers, yeah, yeah, and also in February too, my sister and I our whole family got some news. That is sad and we had to process that. Yeah, which was also very triggering. Yeah, our father was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer. So in February we found that out stage four kidney cancer. So in February we found that out. And was that? Yes, that was the beginning of February where it all started. Was it January? No, no, no, it was February. It was the week of the Super Bowl, yeah, so Kimmy and I have been kind of on an emotional roller coaster of that as well.
Courtney Andersen :So the good news is because I'm sure there will be many of you who reach out and say very, very kind things and we appreciate it. But the good news is is that he started his treatments and we're just going to keep it positive, keep it positive, keep it moving and just call, reach out and offer love and support and spend as much time with our dad that we can, but definitely we're blessed at our age to still have our parents still here. But it just it brings up like a lot of old stuff and then it's there's a lot of emotions to process. So we've been dealing with that, that, yep, I'm for sure, fucking going to thailand I need to go sit with a fucking buddhist and go and swim in the sea. I don't give a shit. But what a good thing about my family. It's like we do rally and there is love for each other. There we're just, we try our best and then just navigate through with whatever needs to happen. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, there's no handbook too. There's a couple of things in life there's zero handbooks on but and that is, and I'm sure somebody wrote a book on it.
Courtney Andersen :But watching your parents' age is very, it's a very interesting thing, especially too because my sister and I have talked about this For the boom, boom generation, that pandemic did not help their quality of life. It didn't help a lot of people's quality of life, but especially for that generation I have seen it not just with our parents but other people's parents it just wasn't good Watching your parents age, especially, I think, for you and I particular in these past two years. It's hard. It accelerated their aging process. Yes, it accelerated their aging process and you you can kind of just tell that there was a line was crossed in that.
Courtney Andersen :No, like in that process, you, and if you are experiencing this with your parents, please reach out again and let us know, because it's just very hard to watch your parents age and we are very fortunate age and we are very fortunate. Besides, we haven't had, we've had loss in friends, right, and our, our babysitter I mean that's almost how we were like introduced to death with suicide, right, but we have not experienced tragedy of losing siblings or parents at a young age, right. So we are very fortunate to still have our parents in our 40s, and Kim and I have talked about this for like hours on the phone, but it is, it's just very difficult to watch your parents age. Yeah, it's sad. I mean we all know that. It's like everyone knows like the cycle of life, but then it's like when you're you're watching it and you're seeing like just it's just how quickly and how much like something can progress and change someone and then or heighten who they really are, and then those tendencies come out and it. It's scary, it's frustrating, it's sad. Obviously it's like a grieving process that starts, and not saying that they've given my dad a timeline or anything, but when you get such devastating news, like it's like stage four, like that's a slap in the face, fuck, and how scary that must be for your parents and it's a lot to take on, especially if you take on like all of the emotions and all of the energy. So, yeah, it's been a wild ride.
Courtney Andersen :There have been some nights of disassociation where it's just like Jesus Christ, yeah and well, kimmy, we have been over there a lot on Sundays. Kimmy took a knee this past Sunday, I took a knee the previous Sunday and then I went over there this Sunday. I mean, we've been there. Our mom gave us some great advice too. Debbie always comes through in that stuff, but she just because she had lost her father when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away within a six-month time and we lived in Texas at the time. So she just she gave good advice and just told me what did she say? She just said she said, courtney, she was like I'm just talking from experience and she was like we were in Texas when I got that news and she was like I just wish we, if we lived closer, I would have been over there every week. So she just encourage you to spend as much time with your dad as possible. Mm-hmm, yeah, it's just watching the parents age and you look back on your life and I don't know.
Courtney Andersen :Since this news, I know Kim and I and I felt and I thought about this our conversations, becoming a mother have had to work out some mommy and daddy issues. But I feel like since this news, it makes sense for a lot of things but also to have more empathy towards our parents and just meeting them at with. We've had a conversation of it's just, I feel, with my parents. I don't need to say much to them. It's not like we need to have like big, long talks with dad. Let's go back to 40, 44 years of history, right? No, thank you, fucking no, thank you. We're good, we don't. There's nothing. And, like you said, write him a letter.
Courtney Andersen :My dad does not do well with communicating like deep emotions and like real life hardship and always his own mortality has always, I think, scared the shit out of him. So I'm not going to load on some shit and I'm not like resentful towards dad? Do I like to throw a little shade and talk a little shit? Fuck, yeah, but it's all from love and it's my truth, it's your truth, like it's the truth. So I'm not going to change history or whatever, but now I do come from like a loving place with our parents, obviously, like I'm very patient with them, I'm very forgiving with them, and no, I'm not gonna. I don't believe in loading, piling something on and now's not the time. Yeah, now's not the time.
Courtney Andersen :Yeah, I think my, I think my turn was having more empathy and just now, it's okay. You know what? At this point, we're just going to be friends. I don't need you to parent, I don't want to go through history. I will write my letter, because that's the way I'm going to get it out to him, and the letter is going to say more of I love you. Yeah, I love you. You did the best you could. I have no hard feelings, right, I'll see you on the other side, bro. So it's just one of those things I just now, I just like something turned in me and I just feel like in 2025, of what I want to do more of is cultivate more of deeper connections and present time with my family and my close friends.
Courtney Andersen :Yeah, and mom and dad, they did the best that they could and they are boomers. So what they were shown was completely different. They didn't really have the tools and it just comes from a different time. It is what it is, but season five, what the fuck are you saying? Season one, two, three, four, five, we throw a little shade, but that's because, yeah, but I it is what it is. I understand, I'm not like regretful of anything I said. Those episodes are still up for the gym pops to listen to. I'm not, I don't, I'm just saying I felt like reflecting. I felt like it was because sometimes these conversations on these episodes, it's therapy. This is like a dear diary entry, sometimes with my sister. So it was just working through that emotion and there was anger there on my part. Yeah, no, I hear you, I get it. But then when you hear something of a parent getting sick and it's just okay and then it just comes more from the compassion inside of just a human being.
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Courtney Andersen :Yeah, because that cannot be any good news that you would want to hear. I mean we all gathered me and my siblings on a Sunday with my stepmom, bernice, who loves my father dearly, and having my father gather us all and deliver that news. I mean we sat there in that den for four hours. There were some emotional lows and there were some highs because it was devastating. But we turned it into a little charcuterie board Sunday afternoon and just made it about family. But for him to have to deliver that news I mean the poor guy couldn't even spit out the words. His wife had to take over for a minute because he had to Telling your four kids and looking us in the face. That was probably very hard for him. And then it got to the point. I think it was oh, he looked a little overwhelmed when, like sitting there, like being very present, that was first time like I've seen my dad that present and and taking it all in. I mean that was a lot for him. So I felt all of that from him. It was like a direct line of emotions, that was just like coming to me from him and I felt awful because it was. That was the realest that life gets right there, the real deal. We dealt with it as a family how the best to our capability and I think we did pretty fucking good. Yeah, yeah, that talk I definitely.
Courtney Andersen :I went, went into, I went into fight mode. Like I told my sister that even like leaving, leaving that his house, I was like, oh, that was a really nice visit and then driving home, I was like, oh, that was a really nice visit, but we just found out our dad has stage four cancer. Like trucking along listening to music, I'm like this is really weird to be in the, this feeling of like really enjoying the time just spent but understanding why we're there. So after three days, I definitely that adrenaline wore off and then I totally disassociated for a day. Yeah, that was a mindfuck. I'm sure that bubble popped, probably what felt like a pink cloud. I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, this is reality and we've been just going through it. So that's what Sister Kimmy, sister Courtney have been going through. Yeah, we're just out here, trying our best dude, trying, just waiting for the sun to fucking come out, please God, oh man. But going back to the seasonal depression, we're in spring At least, though. Now that we're in spring, I can like deal, like today it was gray and I can at least deal with it, knowing we are out of winter. Yeah, it's 30 degrees outside right now. It's fucking freezing and it's going to be like this all week, like I have had it up to here, good God.
Courtney Andersen :So what do you want more and what's your goal for 2025? What intentions do you have, sister? My intention is to actually start traveling more again, right, because this redundant rut of just like working, working, working and just like coming home and no, we're about to be done with that. So I'm traveling, even if it's like I switched up my schedule. Obviously we're going to see how these treatments go with my dad and what's going on with his body, because I don't know five weeks or six weeks or something of treatment. So I don't want to go somewhere international and something. I just want to see how his body reacts to this. So I'm like laying low, but I'm so for that, just to make sure he's good and to be local. And I switched up my schedule because on Sundays I really have been like I've been going to my brother, chad's, I've been hanging out with Courtney, I went, took my.
Courtney Andersen :It's been a lot of tapping in with the family, which is great, and my niece and nephews, which I love them all, and just tapping in and being present and being mindful and working through these emotions of whatever is going on in the family unit, healthy and not spiraling. I love it, yeah, because I mean there's no reason to spiral and I mean, yes, it's a big reason, but we have the tools to like navigate through something in a healthy manner. I would like to never have to deal with a loved one's death like I did with grandma's, because I was a fucking menace. You were a menace. That was not the best at all. Have we ever shared that on this podcast? I don't think so. Oh well, I've never wanted that. I didn't know what if you carried a lot of shame or guilt about that. But so I, I don't know, yeah, I don't anymore.
Courtney Andersen :I mean, I was acting a full blown act of addiction and mourning because I was dealing with that, for with grandma, for a year and a half of flying down back and forth and then dealing with mom and Aunt Kathy those two fucking degenerates and in that sense of how they were dealing with their mother, which was not in a respectful manner. So I was like a lot of shit was getting put on me and so I wasn't dealing with it well, because I wasn't in a healthy state of being, and I was also mourning grandma because and her and I relationship, so that that one was very, very tough for me. Yeah for sure, you guys, I did not land in Orlando, florida, in the best state of mind. No, I was on like Can I? You were fucked up and I was six weeks into a sobriety journey. Yeah, I have never smoked so many cigarettes before in my life. I was just like one after the other. Yeah, you were. You were definitely like white knuckling it, oh God. But yes, I was a fucking pureon coming out flying in hot and I mean hot from Denver, colorado, on a fucking week-long bender. I don't think I had slept. Oh, I slept. I passed out at the gate and I missed two flights and finally was able to get out of flight and then made it to Orlando straight to go to a funeral home and I was okay at the funeral home for the wake, but the night of nope, it was not good. I was a menace in the hotel. I fucking blacked out from martinis at Red Lobster and Courtney ended up. Security ended up calling Courtney upstairs and they had to come get me because I was swimming naked in the hotel pool.
Courtney Andersen :This is a story from the street. Okay, I mean, this episode today of LOT is all over the place, but this is let me interject here this is a story from the streets. Yeah, totally. And how this bitch got in this pool area is beyond Because, like when I was with security trying to get her, I'm like what the fuck? Because it was an indoor pool and they close at a certain hour so they lock everything down.
Courtney Andersen :But this bitch ninja'd her way through the kitchen and somehow ended up in the pool and is doing backstrokes. I'm there being like what the fuck. And my mom's next to me and my Aunt Kathy being, and my mom's like Courtney, courtney, how did she get in there? My mom was more taken back of how she got in there and I'm just watching my sister fucking swim backstrokes naked Like what is this? After I went through the kitchen and was making myself a snack before then I was behind the closed hotel bar making myself a drink, yeah right, and they had this bitch on fucking security camera. I'm just like what is this? I was like the Hamburglar in the fucking what? The Embassy Suites in Orlando.
Courtney Andersen :My brother was disgusted, chad was disgusted yeah, he really was. And Chad disgusted is. It's a hard place to be around Chad when he's like that, and especially when you're on the receiving end of it, but and when you're seeing it too, because you're just like okay. So Chad was disgusted, he went in hot into the hotel room to be like I think he yelled at you. And then, and even too, my brother that day told me before he left he's. I highly suggest you get on a plane with me if you want to keep your sobriety intact. I was like but we're going to Disney tomorrow, right, we're going to Walt Disney. And we went to listen.
Courtney Andersen :It was 12 hours where I was a menace and could not. I just fucking spiraled. I was on a full on bender. I don't remember half of it. I was on like antipsychotics too at the time because I was seeing this shrink who was over-medicating me and it was a full-on SR-22 drinking blackout, like coming off of a cocaine bender. It was awful, right. So she felt bad, she missed my grandma's the burial part, and so she didn't attend anything and I wasn't going to kick a dog while they were down. So it's just like I can't.
Courtney Andersen :And then the next day we went to Disney and all was good. Yeah, we did. I rallied and got it together and went to Disney and then went to threw some flowers in the ocean at New Smyrna for my sweet Jer Bear, and then, yeah, but it took me a long time to forgive myself for that one, because it was rowdy, you guys rowdy. How I did not get arrested or kicked out of that hotel, I have no clue. No clue because I was a menace. Yeah, no clue Because I was a menace.
Courtney Andersen :Yeah, well, I got a personal kick out of it when my mother and my Aunt Kathy were trying to tame this beast in the hotel room and she like lunged at my aunt and my mom and I was like laughing, just leave her alone. I'm like stop antagonizing, stop trying to talk to her, stop, just leave her alone. She will tuck herself out soon enough. The door is locked at this point, after we got you back from the fucking security guard. Just shut the fuck up you two and leave her alone. Yeah, because I was also very angry with them and over them, like I didn't know I know faces when I even landed in Florida, because they were just so terrible with how they dealt with everything. Yeah, and I can't remember who was like.
Courtney Andersen :I think at one point your mother was like bear hug. Oh, this is just pure comedy. It's comedy because we lived it. Yeah, we were there, right, right, I never been so hung over though that was awful. I was like, oh my god, can you imagine the anxiety? No, but, and sure enough, though, after my mother and my aunt finally backed off, because I was like I don't know what you two are trying to do right now. That doesn't even make any sense. And so she did.
Courtney Andersen :Kim finally tuckered herself out, did a couple circles and then found a bed and passed out. Right, courtney knows the deal. She knew the deal. Dude, leave her alone. God bless, yeah, because I mean I had just lived it for years, fucking just six weeks shy, well, anyways.
Courtney Andersen :So, yes, this time, handling these situations and listen, it's, everybody processes things, but it makes it a lot easier to process things not in that state of mind, yeah, when you're not a goddamn the female version of Hunter S Thompson coming in. Oh shit, I bet if I brought up this story to Chad now, he'd still be fucking disgusted. Oh Chad, he would be so disgusted. But again, and then that's where this is hard Like when you start seeing your parents age. Right, this is where this is hard, because it's like there's some, there's some parents who never made it to 70 and 75, 70, about to be 71 and 75. So, for, for now, it's just like our, our parents so far have had a good life. I like that's how I've just I've been able just to be like. This is part of the deal. Like this is life. Nobody makes it out of here alive.
Courtney Andersen :And I don't mean to sound, and I don't mean to sound morbid when it comes to that, because a lot of people don't want to talk about death, but this is the reality. It is. And maybe we're more fucked up about it because, again, how we were introduced to death it was with a suicide in our home, right, right. But also, too, our mother has always been so spiritually connected where it's like and I had to tell my mom this when I told her about my dad's diagnosis, I said I don't worry about you. She looked at the same thing to her. Yeah, she like looked at me surprised, like where are you going? What do you mean? You don't worry about me? And I'm like no. I said the same thing to her. Yeah, she looked at me surprised, like what do you mean? You don't worry about me? And I'm like, no, I don't worry about you when it's your time to go home. I said, because that has always cost about death and that you knew you were going to a happy place. Yeah, you're going home.
Courtney Andersen :And then she was very appreciative. She said I have always said that I was like, yes, mom, we listen to you. Yeah, we've listened to you talk our whole lives. Yes, we do listen. That's the one thing that actually resonated. So it wasn't.
Courtney Andersen :It's not like a scary thing. Some people just, ie, my father don't even want to, he doesn't even go into funerals, so, like his, it's got to be very scary when you just I'm with my mom, like Michael, like when it happens I'll probably be like 110, but when it because I am a cockroach and but I'm not scared and the goal for me is to not have to come back here I'm gliding through the cosmos. Kimmy's trying to say that she is not soul tied to anybody, but you are soul tied to me. Yeah, I'll catch you when you finally don't have to come back here. But no, I want to learn all of the lessons this life so I do not have to come back and do it all over again. That is my goal on this planet.
Courtney Andersen :This time and at Kim's funeral I'm going to say that at the end and scene I'm going to say and just to let you know, this bitch is never coming back. She's not Period, so she's riding the cosmos and she's happy. Okay, yeah, I'm a starseed baby, I ain't coming back here, nope, so don't try for me. Argentina, period, and just make sure you douse my whole body in fucking my favorite perfume so I smell good While I'm comet tripping up there, please, oh man. So I'm comet tripping up there, please, oh man. So, yeah, so that's our twisted. It's not even twisted, it's just the truth and the reality.
Courtney Andersen :We have been comfortable about talking about death, but I think that's just how we were introduced to it at an early age and give a lot of credit to our mother when it comes to that spiritual side, yeah, of being connected, and the way she's talked about it. Yeah, because she's definitely had to like help us through and she had to come to her own like way about it. Especially when you're introduced to death in such like a traumatizing way, yeah, and it's a lot of as children they're still developing their brain Like you got to wrap your head around a lot. It's like even in that death it was like, oh, she's at peace now, she's not such a tortured, tormented soul. Like realizing that when you're 11 and 12, like that's a. That's an interesting pill to swallow. Yeah, we all have our own views and it's however you handle it and deal with it, but coming through, I think the moral of the fucking story is we're running for winter to be over. We are. That was this conversation.
Courtney Andersen :Welcome back L-O-T-E Season six. Baby, we're out here. Baby, we might have to do. Kim and I are planning a little staycation. What are we going to? Probably move that to May. Now, you know when we should do that. We should do that over Memorial Day weekend, yeah, that's fine. Sunday, whenever, whenever you're free, I'm good. On Sundays, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we should do that. That's when we should do a live stream of the podcast. We could totally.
Courtney Andersen :Courtney needs a staycation. I'm taking her down to the MGM Grand Casino Spa in Detroit, so we're going to do a little spa day and order some room service. Get me to a table please. It's been years. Yeah, courtney likes. She likes her little slots and whatever. Whatever the fuck you like.
Courtney Andersen :What do you like? I like burlap, oh, no, slots. I don't. I don't get the. I don't. I mean, I'll play a couple slots, but I don't get the. I don't get the love people have this to slots. I don't know either. I've never won on slots, like when people have went big. I'm like, how did you do that? How much money did you have to pump in to get like four to five thousand dollars out? Or did you just hit, like the slots? I don't understand, and I feel like some people have strategy behind slots. Yeah, they do, and I think a lot of those people have gambling problems. So I don't think which no shade's another addiction.
Courtney Andersen :If anyone's out there suffering from a gambling addiction, that's also got to be a tough one, but I've never. That has got to be the hardest one. Gambling, yes, kim, I mean, think of that. Come on, you're just losing. All of your money is just going to gambling. Yeah, I mean, if you have a drug addiction, usually all your money is going to drugs too, but like gambling, that's just such a cycle, and to any addiction is a cycle.
Courtney Andersen :I mean it's, I know, but with the one with when it comes to money, though, like same thing with eating, right, what is the lie? Because could you look at, could you get hits of dopamine off of spending, like then going from gambling to shopping, like it's, I don't know, because you have to spend money. But you got to spend money, to spend it on alcohol or drugs or sex or everything. It's got to feed an addiction with money. Yes, but I'm talking about the gambling addiction, like it's centered clearly around money. You know what I mean. It's like same thing, like sex addiction. That one also it blows my mind because it's okay.
Courtney Andersen :Then what is your if you start having sex again? Like, what is your bottom Right? Do you know what I mean? Because it's if you start having sex. Couldn't that then end up triggering you then to continue to go down? How do you control that? I guess? Yeah, I mean it's all management and quality of life and a lot of, be it therapy or step work or whatever you need to do to control. But I get it because, like with drugs and alcohol, you take that out of the equation so you don't have to deal with it on the daily.
Courtney Andersen :Exactly and same thing with food. It's again you have to eat to live and you and I've had fucked up relationships with food. So, like when a food addiction is somebody's main one, my heart goes out to them because it's that one is just it's a hard one because you have to make choices every fucking day to eat. I mean, this winter, I definitely was taking solace in some emotional eating, and the scale definitely shows. So I'm turning it around. It actually started turning around today and starting working out again and being mindful again. But if you don't like how we are with food, if you don't, if I don't, keep it mindful and just let it go. It escalates quickly and over the winter full and just let it go. It escalates quickly and over the winter it definitely was going down a path where I was taking solace in food and fucking snacks and that goddamn Uber Eats. I mean, nobody should be allowed to order a fucking 32-ounce Slurpee at 2 am, but I was, and it just was like just sitting there and that addict brain kicks in and you're like fuck, I need something. So it's tough, so you just got to stay on it, but I snapped the fuck out of it and we're back, baby, we're fucking back, anyways. So I'm going to get my fix.
Courtney Andersen :I don't have a gambling issue. I do like, though, to gamble, and it's been quite some time. It has been quite some time. I remember when one person told me when this was like a man and I were going to go to the casino and this was early on in my sobriety and they're like, you need to be careful with that. And I was like Jesus Christ, not everything is an addiction, okay, or a trigger. Or a trigger Like I like to gamble a couple times a year. I haven't done it in years, years, pre-2020. So I am ready and I go to the casino more than you and I'm not even. Yeah, but that's the whole thing, not everything. And it's just because you've had an issue with a substance or something doesn't mean then you're going to have that everything's. Anything that is addictive You're going to have an issue with. So let some people live. Yeah, whatever works for you. And yeah, it's like I couldn't even see you being even having a problem with gambling because of how you are with money.
Courtney Andersen :I cannot wait, yeah, so we're going to go have a little staycation and have a little slumber party. It's going to be fun. Drexel's going to come because I can have dogs at this magnificent hotel. I've stayed there before with my piece of shit ex and it was fun, but we're going to go have a good time. It's a nice hotel. They do a nice job there At the MGM. Yeah, yeah, like I, and I'm going to fucking live. I'm going to go get me a steak and lobster, oh shit, okay, we are living for the the one night, two day extravaganza there. Yeah, I'm down, dude, I'm with it. I am sleeping in, do not disturb. Oh, I know how you roll in hotels, don't worry, I won't.
Courtney Andersen :You might spit on me again, kim, that was because I'm so fucking hungover. That St Patrick's Day parade, where it was like a mariachi band coming in these bright fluorescent colors, it was bizarre, that was awesome. It was the most bizarre thing that I, one of the most bizarre things that I've ever witnessed, where I'm like I am the Twilight Zone. That's just because you were so hungover Right At my brother's wedding. Yeah, that was me, dan and I were talking about that. The Twilight Zone, that's just because you were so hungover Right At my brother's wedding. Yeah, that was me, dan and I were talking about that.
Courtney Andersen :The other day I was like isn't it funny how the Elledge sisters are the ones who showed up, and we always show up, the Elledge sisters, and everyone thinks we're going to be the biggest menaces, even to this day, and then we show up and are actually like the fucking kindest, most sympathetic human beings. And then people are still surprised what the fuck is your problem? Even in like full blown addiction, I've shown up in ways that I couldn't even believe, whereas, wow, you really aren't a piece of shit. Same with my sister, but we have this stigma on us because we are, these party chicks. But we always did the right thing and did right by people. But people are always like, oh God, here they come. And sometimes yes, that was the case, but during, minus my grandmother's funeral, the day she was buried, for the most part, we fucking show up and do the right thing.
Courtney Andersen :Yeah, sometimes I wonder, with that, it's like why are you still stuck on a version of me from at this point now, 15 to 15, 20 years ago? Do you know what I mean? It's what? Why are we still stuck there? And same thing for you, like why? It's what have I?
Courtney Andersen :Let's talk about the last five years of how I've consistently shown up. Right, you can even go back to 10 years, but it's just like why do people have that association? You know what I mean? I mean, like the past eight years, I have consistently fucking shown up, shown up, and then, every once in a while, someone which will be someone in my family ie a family member or maybe like an old friend and they'll say some fucking shit and throw some shade and I'm like hold on.
Courtney Andersen :Now I say something. I'm like hold on, like I have not done that and I've consistently showed up and I'm not out here to prove nothing to any of you fucks anymore, because before I was doing that because I was overcompensating for what I wasn't doing in addiction or overcompensating for, like lies, the fucking eight plates I had spinning in the air. Like now I'm not doing that anymore. So watch your mouth, do not fucking throw that at me, because when I throw it back, it's your feelings are going to get hurt. But I choose not to be that way anymore and have that slick ass tongue. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you fucking come for me. We're matching energy here, so be prepared if this is how you want to deal with me, because now I just won't deal with you. Yeah, fuck off. Period, god.
Courtney Andersen :People play too much, it is true. But this also, too, has happened to my husband, where the last year, I've had to say to him, like some of these people are still pinning you to an old version of yourself that you haven't been and they don't know that about you because they haven't really been around you in this new version, and maybe that, sometimes, maybe that speaks true to me and you sometimes, maybe, where it's just like you haven't been around somebody in this new version of themselves to really understand that they're not that same person. And you need to drop that association when they keep showing you who they currently are. Well, after years, years, years, figure it the fuck out, bro. Yeah, and dudes and dudettes, like figure it the fuck out. It's not like it's just been months or a couple years years, so let's not get it twisted here. No, I mean, I agree, I agree, sister, all right. Well, this is a good conversation. How'd you feel about this chat? Pretty good, all right. Good people of the world.
Courtney Andersen :I know this was more supposed to be about seasonal depression disorder, but it turned into just kind of a cluster of what's been up, yeah, what's been up, what's been popping, if you guys, seasonal depression's a bitch. So that is really the thing. It is true, it is a thing, and we can attest for it here in real time. So we're doing our best, we're waiting for the sun, and that's what I mean, Like you lived out for Denver for those years, so you really can tell what's to be in that sunshine for that many amount of days. And then when you I mean when you came back to move back to Michigan, how did you adjust? I hated it. I was like, oh my God, because in Colorado it's 360 days of sunshine a year. Even when it's cold, like even when it's snowing, the sun's out. So that's why people there they're always out like doing shit. And then coming back, you're like, oh God, like even people's like attitudes, like I still don't adjust well, because, but, like I said, I do good until about March.
Courtney Andersen :And then I'm, like you said, I start talking about vacations and then I go on one because that is just the vibe, because I start like crawling in my skin a little bit because it's just cooped up and me, you and I have been together our whole lives. What do I do on vacation? Lay by the pool, yeah, or on the beach and just I don't want, I just want, I just take in the rays. It's probably not the best for my skin, but, like I, it's my favorite thing in life to do is lay in the sun with a book, with a magazine and just fucking look at water. That is my favorite thing in life to do the best.
Courtney Andersen :The other day, matt was like is Kim coming with us to Disney and for 2025? I said yeah. I was like, but we're going to go to Epcot one day and I said Kim's not going to come with us and he goes. We're going to go to Epcot one day and I said Kim's not going to come with us and he goes. What's she going to do? I said, Matt, she will lay by the pool and have a ball Right, like when you guys went to Disney Springs out, matt, you're not coming. I was like, no, I'm just was at two parks two days, like I am laying by the pool, I am relaxing, laying by the pool, I am relaxing.
Courtney Andersen :He is a person who likes to do things on vacay. And I have been like, no, I need to do nothing one day. I can do nothing for seven days. I can be the biggest piece of shit you've ever met and just wake up, go have some breakfast and go straight to the beach and that is where I will be until, like my friend Nina, I showed her in Miami. I was like I'm going down to the beach, like where I don't, I don't need to go do two, I just I flew here for the water, that's what I flew here for. Yeah, well, that's definitely been an adjustment for Matt and I.
Courtney Andersen :When it comes to vacay, yeah, you guys both have to meet in the middle, because you can be a piece of shit, like me too, and we can just lay. But I also live a very fast-paced lifestyle. I do not stop. This fucking circus does not stop. So when I go, it's like I'm taking in all the elements to refuel my body. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, I get it, I understand it and I'm not apologetic about it at all.
Courtney Andersen :I didn't even, maybe back in the day before or before, I read Courtney's codependent no more her favorite book. Oh my God, yes, oh my God. Good people of the world I am so sorry to interrupt you because you brought it up Good people of the world. Did you get her? So, finally, I was like catching up last week with emails. I found the email and I emailed her point of contact back. I was like, hey, I'm so sorry. I know I was supposed to reach out in January. I'm just seeing if she's still available to do a podcast interview.
Courtney Andersen :She died. Are you serious? Yeah, melanie Beatty. Rip. Rest in peace, sweet prince. And I say that with such sincerity, like for real, yeah, honestly.
Courtney Andersen :But her book and I, number one, felt like a huge asshole because I didn't even hear about it. And then I was like, oh my God, what a gift that we. How old was she? She was in her 70s. I didn't ask the person how she died. She sent me her obit, but it was on the New York Times and the New York Times you have to fucking pay for a subscription in there. And I was like I couldn't even read it. But she did say, let me pull it up real quick. Because then I went onto her Instagram. But, man, what a gift to have her work forever with us.
Courtney Andersen :So I liked this, so said on february 27th at 10 pm, just as a new moon fell into pisces, my beautiful mother, melody beady, passed away. She died peacefully at home, surrounded by family and loved ones. My mother was never afraid to die. Why should I be? I'm going to see god, I'll be reading, I'll be reunited with your brother and I'll finally get to meet my favorite person, moses. Her fearlessness was a great comfort to me and in her final weeks.
Courtney Andersen :During one of our last conversations I leaned in close to her and asked where are you going, mom? She turned toward me and smiled I'm going on a miraculous new adventure. I'll miss you. Godspeed Escalated quickly. Sorry, jesus Christ, courtney, I'm sorry but that's the problem. Oh, so if you have not read Codependent, no more. I will put the link in the show notes and, like that book forever changed me and really helped me with codependency and understanding it and really detach from love. So rest in peace, sweet Melody.
Courtney Andersen :Yeah, rip, because that book was a tool for me as well and I my sister definitely shoved it down my throat and I'm so glad that she did, because it is a work of art. God, that's sad. Well, god bless her. But again, there's another great attitude on what's on the other side after life. Yeah, it's all come full circle. It really has All right. It really has All right. Well, if you haven't yet, make sure to rate, review and subscribe to the show or follow I think now it's following instead of subscribing but subscribe whatever app you listen to so you make sure you never miss an episode of Sober Vibes and to a show within the show Living on the L Edge, titi Kimmy. What up? That was the most chaotic conversation. I love it. I'm here for it, all right. Well, we'll be back in April with a new episode. All right, peace out.
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