Sober Vibes Podcast

3 Tips to Get Clean and Sober in Your Twenties w/ Esme

• Courtney Andersen, Esme • Season 6 • Episode 220

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Episode 220: 3 Tips to Get Clean and Sober in Your Twenties w/ Esme 

In episode 220 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Esme to the show. This is a listener's story! Esme shares her powerful journey of getting clean at 27 after using drugs and alcohol since age 12. She candidly discusses how she navigated her cultural expectations around drinking, rebuilt her social life, and found her own unique pathway to long-term recovery.

Esme is 5 years clean and sober. She got clean and sober at 27 after using since I was 12. Esme tried a lot of different meetings NA, AA, smart recovery, EA, and recovery dharma, to name a few. She knew she didn't want to live like that anymore, so she promised to quit. She hasn't looked back since.

What you will learn in this episode:

  •  Starting drugs and alcohol at age 12 within a culture where drinking was normalized at family gatherings
  • Getting sober during COVID through virtual NA meetings
  • Dealing with family questioning her sobriety and choosing honesty over making excuses
  • Taking charge of her social life by suggesting alcohol-free activities rather than waiting for bar invitations
  • Exploring different recovery pathways, including NA, Recovery Dharma, and Kaiser's addiction medicine program
  • Three essential tips for getting sober: building a strong support group, practicing mindfulness, and healing generational trauma

*If you're a listener who has been sober for at least one year and want to share your story on the podcast, please reach out via Instagram or email Courtney.

 
Thank you to our Sponsor:

As a show listener, you receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE. Make sure to check them out and support the show. Click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20. Free shipping on all orders! 

Listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.

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Courtney Andersen :

Hey, welcome back to another episode of the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson. I help you live a kick-ass life without alcohol. I have a great guest today and this is a listener story. So, again, if you are a listener of the show and you want to come on, please feel free to email me or reach out to me on Instagram at my Sober Vibes account, okay, or email me sobervibes at gmailcom.

Courtney Andersen :

So we have Esme on the show today and she talks about getting clean at the age of 27, and she shares her story.

Courtney Andersen :

She started drinking at the age of 12, and she gives you some tips too on how to get clean and sober in your 20s. So I really enjoyed connecting with her and talking and I hope you enjoy this episode. If you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe to the show, because that helps and then you never miss an episode and by subscribing or sometimes it's following on different podcast platforms. But that again just helps you, because I'm not always the best on keeping up with on the gram of the podcast episodes. I do do an email each week reminding you or sending out when there's a new episode, but if you subscribe to wherever you listen to your podcast, whatever platform that on, it at least alerts you in that app that there's a new episode. Okay, as always, keep kicking ass and enjoy this conversation. Hi Esme, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm very excited to have you on today because this is a listener story, so thank you for reaching out.

Esme:

Yeah, you're welcome. I'm excited to be here.

Courtney Andersen :

So how long have you been listening to the Sober Vibes podcast for? Maybe for two years. I love it. I love it. Do you enjoy it? Yes, okay, good, okay, good. Does it make you laugh?

Esme:

Oh, yeah, especially with you and your sister. Okay, those are my favorite.

Courtney Andersen :

Okay, good, we got more coming this season, so I'm glad. I'm glad Because that's what it can't all be serious all the time. You've got to laugh along this journey and this process, because it only makes, it only helps your soul. Oh yeah, so you got sober in your. You got clean and sober in your 20s. So you got sober and you got clean and sober in your 20s. So what was the final? What was the reason that you got clean and sober? What did it look like the last time that you drank or used?

Esme:

So for me I used from 12 to 27. And then towards the end there I just didn't like. I felt like the withdrawals and your body needs it, and so I went online and I started researching what I could do and I found an NA and then I went to. At the time it was COVID, during COVID, so they didn't have in-person meetings, it was all online. So I got clean through Zoom, so I went to my first meeting and I just started from there.

Courtney Andersen :

Okay, did you do any type of medical detox for yourself or no?

Esme:

No, I didn't, I just did it myself, which I don't recommend. It's dangerous, but yeah.

Courtney Andersen :

And how did that detox look like? Because were you using drugs and alcohol at the same time up until you quit? Or was it like did you go with the ups and downs with drugs? Like for me, drugs were never. I only used drugs when I was drinking. But towards those last couple of years, I never even touched drugs. So, like for you, was it both up until that point, or was it alcohol more than cocaine, or yeah, so it was mostly drugs.

Esme:

Drinking was more like if I couldn't find what I wanted. So then alcohol is very accessible. So then I would just mix alcohol with like prescription drugs or whatever it was.

Courtney Andersen :

Okay, and then you said that you this all started for you at 12. So what did you? Was it alcohol that was introduced to you at 12, or was it drugs?

Esme:

I'd say alcohol, because being Mexican is just in part of the culture and it's it's just everywhere. And family parties and everything Like they're literally be doing parties for the one year old and it's all the adults getting intoxicated and the little kids like in the crib sleeping.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, for sure. So how was that then? Quitting drinking, and quitting drinking especially too, with quitting drinking because of how you said that, that was really embedded into your culture. How was that like for you going to parties now sober. How was that like?

Esme:

So it was really tough in the beginning. I'd say for the first year I'd feel very uncomfortable, get a lot of anxiety going places because you know it's going to be around and people are like questioning you, your cousins, everyone's questioning what's going on and I always like to just be honest and say that I wasn't doing that, that I was in recovery because I didn't feel comfortable like saying lies, like oh, I have a headache or I'm pregnant, and then nine months later comes and then there's no baby. People would say, oh, just say you're pregnant.

Courtney Andersen :

I'm like no, yeah, so it definitely was an adjustment for you around the family dynamics. I would say that first year. And then what did you notice, though, after that first year? Did you notice then that that was just, they accepted it more of you and probably stopped asking at that point?

Esme:

Yeah, I think they accepted it more and they saw that I was serious. It wasn't just like I'm saying oh, I'm no longer going to drink, I'm no longer going to do drugs. It was like oh okay, we're seeing it, we're seeing a change.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah for sure. So how was that like for you getting sober in your 20s? Because, again, it doesn't matter how old you are, it looks different. I think it looks different in each decade. But for you to get sober, you said at 27, that's young. But for you to get sober, you said at 27, that's young, and I think people in that age bracket do. It's okay, what am I going to do for the rest of my time? And I felt like that because I got sober at 29.

Esme:

So in the beginning, there for you getting sober in your late 20s? Did you have anxiety about the rest of your life and your social scene and how that was all going to look for you? Oh yeah, definitely. There was a lot of anxiety because you're going out and most of your friends are going to bars or clubs and you don't want to put yourself in those places. So it was definitely tough. So I was like more comfortable going to see my friends in the setting. Let's go out, have dinner or something like that, where you know, yes, there's alcohol, but it's not the same as going to a bar or going to a club.

Courtney Andersen :

So did you? Then you, it sounds like then you took that power and in the sense of I'm going to invite them to do this of set up the scene where it wasn't, where you were always waiting for them to invite you somewhere I'm going to. I guess that you took charge in that manner. Yes, okay, good, because that's what you should do, right, because you can't. I think for a lot of people it is once you stop drinking or using drugs, right? That is especially for women too. It's like how is my social life going to look? How is this going to affect me and my friends? My friends are very important to me, and then there's like an assumption that then, therefore, you still feel like these friends should have all that power when it comes to this is what we're doing. But I do think if you just start asking people to go do something different and you take that power when it comes to this is what we're doing. But I do think, if you just start asking people to go do something different and you take that power and I say power in the way of taking somewhat of some control in this and some responsibility of you, don't have to wait for people to always ask you to do something and they then recommend going to a bar and you're like, okay, but I'm clean and sober. You have to start creating this new life for yourself and creating new social situations, which is exactly what you did and being like, let's go do something else. Hey, good people of the world want to make your sober journey a little easier.

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Esme:

Yes, you definitely always have to take the power, otherwise they'll consume you.

Courtney Andersen :

Yes, what was something else you did besides going to dinner?

Esme:

Like bowling or going to the movies and going out for hikes walks?

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, perfect. And so then, doing those things, did you feel then you were having that social connection? Yes, awesome. Was it hard for you in the beginning to be doing that kind of stuff without using drugs and alcohol?

Esme:

Oh yeah, because everything's raw emotions, but, like one of my therapists always says, she's going to have to lean into the discomfort.

Courtney Andersen :

Very true, and don't you feel like too? When you did that, it was like pulling the Band-Aid off right, like you have to get very uncomfortable before you can get comfortable in a life and especially your life and everybody's life where, if a culture is surrounded by that's what people do drinking you have to get very uncomfortable to be comfortable, to be able to hang out in those types of situations settings. Yes, that's very true.

Courtney Andersen :

So for you, since you did both, I would love to hear your opinion. Do you like NA better or AA better?

Esme:

I'd say NA, I did it for. I worked this all 12 steps. I was in it for, I'd say, about two and a half years and then, I don't know, I just left. I didn't feel like it was for me anymore. And I tried a lot of other types of recovery meetings Smart Recovery, Emotions, Anonymous Recovery Dharma, and I think that one was my favorite. Recovery Dharma it's like a meditation approach Do a meditation before the meeting and then they read something from a book and then everyone shares.

Courtney Andersen :

I love it. So it took you a couple different types of meetings right To find the one that you landed on where you're like oh, I like this one, yes, Okay. So how long did you do meetings for? Are you still doing meetings?

Esme:

No, I don't currently do meetings right now With school. I'm just very busy, so I just get my recovery fix through podcasts right now and journaling and meditation.

Courtney Andersen :

I love it and it's helped you, but you were also too. You said you were working with the therapist as well in the beginning, those first couple of years.

Esme:

Yeah, so I did through my insurance Kaiser. They have addiction medicine program and you could either do. They have a harm reduction option for the folks that want to just continue, but in a safer way, and that's a six months and then for the abstinence program it's a one year. So you work with the therapist one-on-one and you do group therapy. They have different stages, but in the beginning you do group therapy three times a week and then, second stage, you do two and then third stage, you do one one group therapy.

Courtney Andersen :

I love that and your insurance covered that, yes, okay. So for the good people of the world, this is a perfect, perfect thing of check your insurance, see what your insurance has to offer with a type of outpatient. It almost sounds like that was an outpatient. It was a semi-outpatient one, not so intense, but yeah. So check your insurance to see what your insurance has to offer for sure. So what would be? Three, three tips you would give someone to help them get clean and sober I'd say the first one get a strong support group, whatever it is.

Esme:

12 steps there's so many other options out there. If you're not in into 12 steps, they have non-religious ones for the folks that don't believe in god. Just get a strong support, whether it's like-minded people, because your family is good for supporting friends, but if they're not addicts or alcoholics themselves, they're not gonna understand you very well and be able to give you that good support that you need. And then the second one I'd say mindfulness is really important, whatever. Whatever it is journaling, meditation, going to the beach, whatever it is, getting out in nature, getting those natural dopamine and serotonin fixes.

Courtney Andersen :

Very important.

Esme:

And then the third one, I'd say healing. We got to heal that generational trauma, all those pains that we carry from the past. We need to heal all of that.

Courtney Andersen :

I love it. What is your favorite mindfulness practice? What has really helped you over these last couple of years?

Esme:

For me. I really like meditation, either guided imagery or for sleeping. I like the progressive muscle relaxation, because I have trouble sleeping sometimes.

Courtney Andersen :

So that helps. That does help you a lot. Has your sleep too? Has it gotten back? Because I'm going to guess, when you're active, state of using, your sleep was probably extremely messed up.

Esme:

Oh yeah, I mean it fluctuates. I feel like I have insomnia and it comes and goes.

Courtney Andersen :

Oh, you're like my sister, you got that insomnia. Yeah, I have insomnia and it comes and goes. Oh, you're like my sister, you got that insomnia.

Esme:

Yeah, I have good days and bad days.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, which. How do you deal with that when you have the nights of insomnia? Is this just something where it's just you've just accepted it and it's okay. This is just part of part of me and this is just something I have to deal with.

Esme:

Yeah, that's what I do. I'll just stay laying in bed and hope I fall asleep. They always say it's good to get up and go to another room, but I feel like if I do, that then I'm going to get more awake and I'm not going to be able to sleep.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, and then also too. What have you done in the healing process when it's come to the generational trauma?

Esme:

For me, therapy was very big during the program and then I was also able to process my step work in therapy sessions and then, yeah, just diving into all that, I think that's what helped me the most and I grew the most was during my time in therapy.

Courtney Andersen :

And understanding it all and patterns and history, and all that and what you were born into.

Esme:

Yeah.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, I do. I do definitely think that that helps somebody in that process with healing and understanding and, instead of looking it out, what the fuck is wrong with me? No, I get it because, too, I have to understand where I came from.

Esme:

Yeah, and then there's this book that I always recommend, called the Body Keeps the Score Very informative book.

Courtney Andersen :

Yeah, that book is great and I will link that book in the show notes and if you have not read it, check it out. And it's just, it's fascinating. I might have to reread that one because it's been a couple of years since I read it. So I think, esme, I'm going to read that one, because it's been a couple of years since I read it. So I think, esme, I'm going to read that one. Since you just mentioned it, what else would you? Is there anything in particular that you want to share that we haven't touched on? Or you want somebody if somebody's listening to this episode today that they're struggling, if there's any type of advice, you could give them more advice or any words of encouragement.

Esme:

I would say whenever you're struggling, reach out, don't be afraid. They have so many resources. Now you can text and call hotlines. If you have a support group, call your support group, go to meetings, reach out to a family member. I know when we're in it we feel like we're alone, and especially me. I like to isolate a lot, just normal addict behavior. We isolate, so always reach out. They always say the opposite of addiction is connections. You just make meaningful connections, yeah.

Courtney Andersen :

I love it and that is so true. I didn't even ask you where are you from in the world, when do you live?

Esme:

I'm located in California, Sacramento, California.

Courtney Andersen :

I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing today and for reaching out. So I again, if any listener of the Sober Vibes podcast, if you want to come on the show, please just reach out to me and DM, the only thing that I ask for is that at least you have one year of if you're either clean or you're sober or you're both. That you have one year under your belt. All right, esme, thank you again for sharing your story and I'm so happy that I connected with you today.

Esme:

Yeah, same here. Thank you very much, it was a pleasure You're welcome.

Courtney Andersen :

All right, everyone. Keep on trucking and stay healthy out there.

People on this episode

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Courtney Andersen

Host
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Kimberly Elledge

Co-host