58: Creating Nervous System Safety for Boundaries and Visibility in Your Business

Being fully seen in your business can be scary if you don’t feel safe to be yourself. When your nervous system senses risk, whether it’s sending that email, posting on social media, or launching your offer, your default can easily become pulling back and retreating. 

In this episode, I share my own experience with creating nervous system safety, and feeling safe to be myself.  If you have areas in your business that makes you feel unsafe, this episode is for you!

What You Will Learn in This Episode:

• How internal safety affects your ability to show up and stay consistent in your business
• The nervous system patterns that create the push-pull cycle in visibility and marketing
• Why safety changes how you navigate and move through boundary crossings

Key Takeaways:

• Self-abandonment often shows up in the ways we contort or hide parts of ourselves in business
• Internal safety helps you stay resourced during slower business seasons without spiraling into panic
• Holding strong business boundaries becomes possible when you trust yourself and feel safe being fully seen

Other episodes in this series:

56: When You’re Doing Everything Right And Still Not Making The Money You Want: Rebuilding My Business From The Nervous System Up

57: How Structure and Rhythm Can Anchor Your Nervous System in Business

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Transcript

Tertia [00:00:00]:
There is something about fully showing yourself, something about being fully seen by others and letting yourself be fully received by others that can be very, very scary if you don't feel safe to be yourself, if you don't feel safe to show who you truly are. And, and that's what we are getting into in today's episode. Welcome to Beyond Burnout for Driven Women. I'm Tertia and this is where we go from burnout to abundance and we take your nervous system along for the ride. If you are doing all the right things but you're still not seeing the results, you are in the right place. Here we explore embodiment nervous system work and how to be magnetic in business without going into overdrive and or burning yourself out. So this is part three of my six part series on building an embodied business, being an embodied entrepreneur, and making money without burning yourself out. If you haven't listened to the first and second parts yet, I will link that for you in the show notes so that you can stay in context. So, so today I am talking about the second thing which I have brought into my business to help me create the soulful and profitable business that I desire. And that is the act of safety. I have done a lot of personal work around safety and feeling safe to be me and accessing all of myself, bringing all of myself into my relationships. And, and as I was going through this whole experience with my business not working in the way that I truly desired for it to work, I came to realize that I was still feeling unsafe in certain aspects in my business. And this is something that is so common. Again, I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. For example, showing up on social media or putting yourself out there when you're sending an email to your list, or even writing a blog post, doing a podcast like this, making a video, all of these things where we put ourselves out there, where there's a risk to be judged, where there's a risk to receive perhaps negative feedback. That's kind of the default that we go to and that our nervous system goes to is let's not do things that puts us in danger. And so what I have found in my life is that the relationship that I had with myself and how safe I felt to be me has a direct impact on how willing I am to show up in my marketing and in my messaging. And this is quite a different way of looking at marketing and messaging, for example, because so often we learn about the strategy and we learn about using the right words and we're using about, we learn about addressing the pain points. But to me, before you can even learn to use the right words or to address the right, and I'm using right in quotation marks here, the right issues, you need to have that deep connection with yourself where you have stopped contorting yourself into a version of who you think you're supposed to be to be successful in the world. And you can only do that when you create internal safety. And internal safety is a constant practice. It's not that you create safety and then you save for the rest of your life because they are all always going to be things that make us feel unsafe. And I saw this in my own life, where in my personal life I had a level of internal safety that was constant, that I could easily access. And in my business, there were many things that were making me feel unsafe. When your nervous system goes into fight, flight or even freeze, and I'm not a nervous system specialist, I'm speaking here from my own personal experience, so this is not diagnostic in any way, but when our nervous systems go into this fight, flight or freeze state, it prevents us from actually accessing other possibilities and it also holds us back. Right? This is the typical thing where we go out, we share in emails, we share on socials, we try to launch our offers, and then it feels like it's all too much and we retract and we retreat back into ourselves. So it's this forwards, backwards dance that happens the whole time and that's exhausting. It's not only exhausting for you, but it's not conducive to creating consistency in your business. And to me, consistency has nothing to do with the amount of days every week that you show up. But it is. How consistently do you support yourself? How consistently do you hold yourself? And how consistently do you resource yourself so that you can show up as that best version of who you are in this moment? Safety also plays such a big role in those slower seasons of our business. Something that I always remind myself about and that I have found very helpful, is when we think of how are we going to make more sales? If you think, how am I going to get another sale this month? Where is the money going to come from? How am I going to make a sale? I need to sell versus in those months when things are slow, you ask, how can I hold myself through this? What is it that I can do to support myself and resource myself so that I can start seeing and creating different possibilities? The first way of how am I going to sell? Is Very panic inducing in my body. If I feel into that and if I feel into, how am I going to resource myself? It feels like an exhale. It feels to me like, okay, now I can move forward from this place. So it activates my own internal power when I access safety. And there's one more place where I think that safety is so important for us to cultivate in our businesses. Especially if you're going to build your business in an embodied way, where it's nervous system first. And that is when it comes to holding boundaries. I recently went through an experience where, where one of my boundaries in my business was crossed. And I was able to, like I've never done it before, I was able to navigate this in a completely different way. And I've been doing a lot of work, shall we call it a lot of embodiment work and nervous system work around boundaries. This is also something that I support my clients with and what I love about the way that I handled it. Now, it's not that the boundary crossing didn't happen, but it was who I was being when it happened, how I felt when it happened, and how I handled it when it happened. When we create this internal safety in ourselves and when we feel safe enough to be who we are, what I see happens is that we back ourselves, we believe in ourselves, we trust ourselves, we trust our actions, we trust that what we do is the right thing for us. And it's much more difficult to succumb to this temptation that so many of us have of people pleasing, of bending ourselves to fit someone else's ideas and to contort ourselves and hide ourselves behind masks. Diving within and healing the relationship with yourself. Dismantling all of the shame that you hold about being not enough or being too much. All of the stories that, that you've been told is wrong about you. When we begin to dismantle that, it creates that safety to be who we are. And that allows us to show up fully. So not only can we start promoting our work and speaking about our work with confidence and without needing to crash afterwards, or without needing to hide ourselves, but it also allows us to handle it in a resourceful and sovereign way when our boundaries get crossed. And it allows us to hold those boundaries that we've decided on in place without abandoning who we are. And I think that's the key that I want to end this episode with, is to say that creating safety within, feeling safe to be yourself, is how we stop abandoning ourselves. Now here's the little homework that I want you to do. For today, if you choose to. And the homework assignment is for you to, without judgment, go and reflect. Where in your business are you abandoning yourself? And what we're doing here is we simply creating awareness, right? Where are you abandoning yourself? And where can you bring in more safety even if you don't know how to create that safety yet? Let's just do the exploration. Where can you bring more safety in? And of course there are so many different techniques and tools and processes that you can use to begin to create that internal safety. This is something that I'm going to be speaking about in my free masterclass that's happening very soon and I will leave the link for that masterclass in the show notes so you can go and sign up. And if you have a business bestie that needs to get in on this, go ahead, share this episode with her. Bring her along to the masterclass and this is going to be an experiential masterclass workshop where we are going to explore the concept of safety. We're going to create some internal safety and you're also going to get the opportunity to work with a current challenge in your business. And I will help you shift that through an embodiment process in real time so that you can get ease and internal space and capacity to move forward with clarity and intention. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And remember to tune in for tomorrow where we speak about part three in building an embodied business that is soulful, profitable and that supports your nervous system. Thanks for joining me. Bye bye.