Talking-stage survival

Consider this your unofficial guide. 📋✨
The talking stage — thrilling, confusing, and somehow the most exhausting thing that isn’t even a relationship yet. We’ve all been there. Overanalysing every reply, wondering if you’re saying too much, not enough, or completely missing the moment to just say the thing.
In this episode, Amber walks Ronlyn through her quirky step by step guide to actually surviving it — the tips that work, how to be open without losing yourself, and how to send out your signal for something more without completely spiralling.
Think of it as dating advice from your most well-meaning overthinking friend. 🫶
No judgement. No rules. Just real talk about what actually moves things forward.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Is it the OTG you're looking for?

unknown 0:09

Is it the OTG?

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Hello and welcome to the Overthinker's Guide. I'm back. And I'm here with Ron then. To say you're back like I'm also back. We're both back. Um, Ron and I often record these things after work, so I'm gonna level with you. We've both worked. We've both worked. Bear with us. But today we're talking about something interesting. As you know, Don Lynn is chronically single.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Ba-bada.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

And she's working on it, but she needs a little help from a friend. I do need help. So I can't help. Okay. Way to drop the gun. I can't help her find someone. But what I can do is help her bag the someone. Okay?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

What? Oh, once I find them.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Once you find them, bag them. You know what I'm saying? Lock them down. Lock them down. So I've got a dating blueprint. Now, have we skipped a few steps? Yes. Yes, we have.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I don't think that's the part I've gonna level with you. How do I find it?

SPEAKER_03 1:35

No, that I can't help you with, Carl.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

You must. It's like a heat-seeking missile. I can't be that for you. You must be your seek the heat. Seek the heat. Once you found the warm spot, this is what she does. It is, yeah. Anyway, so if you're at home and you're like, oh, I have no problems finding them, but I do have a problem bagging them, locking them down, tagging them, organizing them. Then this is the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Categorizing them.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Then this one's for you. I've got a a beautifully laid out blueprint to guide you through the yeses, no's and maybes of it all. Okay, Don, you ready?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Are you sure?

SPEAKER_01 2:16

I'm sure. I don't know. It's the what is this in point form? No, it's just like steps. Okay. Are these in order of how I must do them? Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

It's a roadmap. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Can I get the notes afterwards or I take my own notes?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

I'll send you this recording. Okay. So let me get organized. Before we get into it though, where would you say that you have more difficulty? Heat seeking, finding them, or locking them down.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Yeah. Speak to us. Look, look. Maybe maybe I'm being um by the cat. What's the word a little left my head as I maybe I'm thinking too much of myself to rephrase that?

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yes, maybe you.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

But I think I think the finding is the problem. You know, I just we are there.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

So glad you said that because that's what I can help you with. We are there.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah, I do I do think in today's social climate, finding someone is is difficult. I've been speaking to people and I just keep everyone single. Everyone's gonna change the name of this podcast to everyone's single.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

I will date each other. Go out there and date each other.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Trust me, there are other singles.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

We are out there.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Yeah. We just don't believe it.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Look, I will say, as much as I have a problem finding them, I'm not great at locking them down either. You know? I don't I don't lock them. You're not a locker. I don't I close the door and hope they stay.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

You don't even you just you usher them into the room and you sit down. Yeah, and you sit down and you're like and then they're like, is this door open? You can leave it open, and then you're like if you want to go, just go. Yeah. So that's why, you know. So so I'm like, look, we're out there, you know. I believe that when the time is right, you will find somebody, you'll bump into them, you'll speak to them, you'll chat about them. You'll speak to them in this class. You'll find them, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

But it'd be so fun if he's listening to this dog now. I mean, look, if if I fall in love with one of our listeners, that would be crazy. You'd know all of my secrets.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Well, it would it would it would help because there's like a lot of like legwork.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Yeah, we could skip over a lot of the beginning stuff.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Yeah, you could just be like, oh, or or it could get awkward when you're in on dates and you're like, anyway, there was this one time and he's like, I know.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

And then you're like, oh, okay. And then you're like, oh, and then the lost I know.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Oh wow. So he's a super fan. Yeah. Kind of like never mind.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

It's only up from here. Anyway. So um This is backed by extensive, not so extensive. Extensive research, okay. And by extensive, I mean mostly Instagram and just scrolling about.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Oh no, that counts. I thought it was just you.

SPEAKER_02 5:27

Oh no, no, no. A little bit, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a little bit of research. Yeah, okay. And and and I will say my sources are like people who've done studies, you know? Oh yeah, no, that's so you know what I'm saying? So it's it's it's sayings and things that are legit. You loosen me. Okay. So this is hold on, where am I? Here we go. So my first thing is, and this one might help you, like, let's say you are talking to someone. You managed to get that far. You're talking to someone.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Wait, hold on, let me imagine.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Okay, get into a car, put on your imagination station shoes. You're talking to someone, and you're like, okay, nice. Okay, nice. Yeah, because I mean you're not gonna start talking to somebody and be like, oh my god, love of my life. Hopefully not, ladies. We wanna wanna play cool.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

I mean, yes, you want to love bomb.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Yeah, so like I'm I'm saying like you just started talking to this person.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

So you just started talking to this person and he seems nice. He seems like a nice dude, and you're like, okay, well, let me there's the urge to want to look a little further.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

So what so what do I know about him right now? Like his name?

SPEAKER_02 6:40

His name, how he looks, he seems like a nice guy, a few attributes like he likes animals and he's got a nice smile and that's a couple days. Yeah, one or two.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

One or two is a lot in one or two days, okay. Okay, gotcha. One or two days in.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

One or two days in of just chatting.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Just chatting.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Okay. Now it's the last question. Okay, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

So have I met him in person? No. Oh wow, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

No, you haven't met him in person. And I I would assume that even if you do like later you met him in person because you like bumped into each other at like a coffee shop and then you exchanged numbers. Yeah. Then that would have been the only time you made him. Oh, okay. Okay. So it's very, very, very early on.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Okay, but I've I've just seen him.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Yeah, our cat just sat on come on, Kate Barbara. Um so it's very early on. So there was a study that they did and by their science the studyists did, and found that people they often overestimate how um uh out there they are putting their flirting signals. I'm not sure if it's specifically women, but people always think, like, for example, if we are chilling and um somebody else asked me, like, oh, how was it? I'm like, yeah, it's nice. But Ronald knows that. And you could be at home thinking, oh, was it nice or was it not nice? But I think I've made it so obvious that it was nice that you know that, and I take that for granted.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

I see what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

So we do this a lot as people.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Because you're like, I'll put it out there, so you must.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

So this is the signal amplification bias. You are giving the signal, so you think, yeah, clear as day. Yeah, but it's not.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I am guilty of this. Yes, yeah. So what you need to do, and this woman who is um known for I don't really know what, but like communicating with people and stuff. Oh yeah. Um so she's done a lot of studies and stuff, but she she comes across as a little cringe and creepy sometimes, which is counterproductive because she says like she's got all these hacks and tick tricks to make people like like m like like you more.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Well, maybe she's like she studied human behaviour, but she's not really smooth herself, you know. But she knows the facts of the thing.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Yes, but that's what she said because she was so awkward, she went into this and she's tying. Oh, that makes sense then. Yeah, that it comes to the Oh, it's it's it's yeah, it's it's a little unpalatable sometimes. I'm like it's it's like an AI is talking to me. Like, you know, like it looks human, but it's not acting, yeah. So so with her, it's like I feel like I'm friends, but something's off, like it's it's so strange. Yeah. So I don't know, to take it with a pinch of salt or whatever, but anyway. Um she seems like a nice girl. Yeah, she seems like a nice girl. Anyway, so she says she has these three tips, right? And I think this is a great way to incorporate because I think when it comes to like somebody you're seeing, we tend to be a little bit like we've got to play it cool. Yes. Yeah, and that I think the we've got to play it cool is what disadvantages to your destriument dessert. To your dessert, to your desert, to your oasis. And I am one who is a flatterer. So when I get to know somebody, I have no problems flattening them. Um and I think that it's always once she knows you though. Yeah. Oh, you look nice, Carl. You look so nice today. Did I tell you? No, I do still flatter, just in a very nuanced way. But yeah, I don't mind to do that, and I think it's always been to my benefit when getting to know someone. So you should when texting this person, whoever it is.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

So is this just for like getting people to like you in general, or is it particularly for flirting?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

In general, but I think you should do it when flirting. For flirting. Because I think that it's gonna be the most scariest thing, but I think you should double down and do it. But you gotta play it cool. Oh my god. Okay. Okay, so you're gonna be like, so you you stopped texting him yesterday, right? And then you were like, you message him the next day, you go, Oh my god, I was just thinking of you today. And then you say like how you doing, or what's going on, or whatever. I was just thinking of you, makes them feel so special. And so they're very like, oh wow, I'm thought of. Um so already there's this like way they see you as like soft or like in like intentionally thinking about them makes them more receptive to you.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yeah, because you seem open to them.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

You seem open to them, yeah. And then um to tell them things like oh my gosh, you always make me laugh, or you're always so interesting. Whatever's true, you need to say it to them.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Now this one. Oh god. Now you got me. Okay. Look the first time. I just label them positively. I didn't have anything to say about the first one, okay, in my defense. Okay, if I got something to say about it. The first one I do agree with. I do think I don't think I think that's the hardest thing to do, to tell someone you're thinking about them. That just seems like a sweet thing to do. Yes. However, I think, especially if you're like, if I'm two days in with this guy then, what would he I couldn't use the phrase you always.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

You don't just say always. You can say, Oh, you m you make me laugh. Yeah. You're funny. You've you're very funny, you make me laugh. Are you smart? You're capable. Wonderful man, really fatherly, fatherly figure. You really got starved. No, but like the the thing that's true, like um, like if we were chilling, I'd be like, oh Ron, and you always make me laugh. You're so goofy, you always make me laugh. And I take for granted that that's something you know about me, or you know that I think. So to just notice something. And when you notice it, vocalize it in a positive label and say it to them.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

So if they are very thoughtful, right? He's always thoughtful. He's he always checks in. Well on the two occasions you checked in on your animals. And you're like, Oh, I really like that. You're so sweet about my animals. I I enjoy that so much about you. Whenever we speak, you're very kind about animals. It's something I really enjoy.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

You know, to vocalize the positive label. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

So so all of is there like a time limit? Now we're are we saying we're like two days in. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

This is this is when you're like chatting. So while you're chatting together before your first date.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Before your first date, while you're chatting, you want to give him this because now he's like, oh my god, this girl's making I feel so connected.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

It's a bit intense. I told you, you're going to you're going to marry him. This map is too married.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Dude, I think I can do it separately.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

No, no, no. We gotta do them all.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

I've been I'd love if someone did them to me.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

No, you've got to do it to him.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Can I give him the donor? Just just listen to this.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

I know I'm there, but just listen to it.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Ignore me.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Okay, and then the last one is to say, so you need to, which I don't think women have an issue with too much, so I think this one will be easy as well. Um the last time we spoke, you mentioned that you were playing football. How's that going? Yeah. The last time you s we spoke and you remembering something and trying to like find something that they looked very excited about and remembering that to bring it up in the next conversation will make them feel so thought of.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Okay, okay, that's fine. That's fine. Do uh do I have to phrase it like that?

SPEAKER_02 14:09

How would you how else would you phrase it?

SPEAKER_01 14:11

How is the soccer going?

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Nah, nah, girl. Nah. It's too, it's too like I don't care. You know, you're playing it down. The last time we spoke, you mentioned this too because you have to tie it down to I remember the conversation we had because it meant something to me.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

I obviously remember if I'm bringing it up.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

But like me saying, like, oh, uh Like how's the soccer going? Okay, if I was like, what did you tell me if you Oh, how's the food plan going? You know, opposed to the last time we spoke, you mentioned that you were making a food plan. How's that going?

SPEAKER_01 14:42

I feel like it's kind of the same.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

No, you really think so? The one seems like you vaguely remember, and the other one seems like you specifically remember.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

You know, I'm kind of seeing it. Like the one seems like casual.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

And maybe that's like Oh, yeah, and that's your forte, casual.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

So the one seems casual, and then the other one almost seems like maybe this is the intention, like too intense. Yeah. You know, so the last time we spoke, like formal almost.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Like like you're saying, when we spoke would be formal.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Like I feel like that's like last time we chatted. I've I've noticed that you all like I feel like there's like a formality too.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

In a way, there's an intention, not a formality. It's about the intention, not so much the formality. So if you were like, oh, when we spoke the last time, you said this and that and that, how's that going? You know, you don't have to phrase it exactly, but you must say in our last conversation reference. Yes, yes, a prior conversation. So sorry. Um gonna lay off the dazzle dance.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Is it's a phenomenal phrase. I got that as a dazzle mouth. What?

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Okay. So yeah, not so bad. Not so bad. So that's in the the talking stages. That's what you're gonna do. You're gonna lay it, prime it, do that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

I forgot the first one.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

So I've got uh I was thinking of you.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

I was thinking of you.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Instead of messaging hi. You know? Okay. But like, oh I was thinking about you today. And then obviously not like the whole time, like play it cool or so.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Still thinking about you. What are you doing now?

SPEAKER_03 16:24

It's like two o'clock. I'm I'm thinking about you. Three o'clock mark. I've thought about you again. Six o'clock mark. Good morning.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

I'm thinking I'm eating pineapple and I've thought about you once again.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

That's subliminal.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Um yeah, so you so so to try to make it like intentional because you're not gonna chat to this person 24-7, you know. As an adult, we have lives, we're busy, we're not talking to them all the time. So you're probably gonna take some breaks in between. But instead of saying, hey, hi, try to say something like, Hey, I was I was thinking about you today. Oh, this came up, how are you doing? I was I I I thought about you when I saw this, or like to make it seem like it's a bit more meaningful than just like a on your mind. Yeah, to like let them know that they're not.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Speak about them in positive ways, about things that they do that you enjoy.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

If something comes up, don't forget to mention those or reiterate them. To iterate them to them.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Like say I like is it like like I like how how you use emojis. No.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

No, it's not about like, oh I like that. Okay, so I I really like it's how like like you I how they make you feel in a positive way. Positive way. You feel good when you use emojis Your your usage of emojis always makes me feel so excited about the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Okay, okay, you could have this.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Yeah, because these are things that when I saw this, I was like, oh, those are things that I do.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Yeah, you do do that. I do that. I think I can I do these in like in different ways. I think maybe with like less intention. Like I do do the thinking about you thing, but I won't say I'm thinking of you. Yeah. I'll always start a conversation with something that they had mentioned before. You know, like they were like in an order.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Yeah, like this isn't in an order. So if you do start a conversation like last time we spoke, you mentioned this. How's that going?

SPEAKER_01 18:12

But if they're like, oh, I'm gonna go grocery shopping today, then I'll message at like in the day and I'll be like, So have you been grocery shopping yet? And I'll bring it up, but not so much like, oh, I was thinking about you. Have you been grocery shopping?

SPEAKER_02 18:23

But but that's the thing, you know, like uh it it would the idea is that it it takes you apart from any everybody else, you know. It it isolates you in this intention and it makes you he's he's gonna feel like oh my god, like this woman sees me. You know, she's feeling me, she's thoughtful, she's caring, she's it's going to be no you are thoughtful and caring.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

You just don't know how to show it. The lie is that you're pretending to show it. But he'll find nothing in that. Yeah. Okay, I got it.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

But you know what I'm saying? So so Yes, I I think in a small way we all kind of do these things, but how we do it is going to make the difference. Yeah. I can I can appreciate that. Yeah. And I think turning it on a notch is what's really gonna intensify it. And like you're saying, in between you're gonna be like, Oh, how's that? How's be casual still? But those moments when you remember to try and be It's like making eye contact during a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Yes, they say remember to do it.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

They say they say the best time to make eye contact to like really sell your point is like if I'm if I'm light at the end. Yeah. Right at the end. So you make your point, you go, blah, guys. And that's now why I went there yesterday. Yeah, and then you look away. Dang. Anyway, so so that's in the talking, right? You're talking, you're doing this, you're doing all of this, he's responding, he seems really nice, he's really interviewing.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

How about this question? Cool.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Yeah, I've I've put spaces between your questions.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

How do I know that he's reacting well to me doing this? And that I'm not lying.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

Is he still messaging you?

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Well, yeah, but but he's but his messaging hasn't gotten any more intentional or well like he's chatting the same though.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

I will say this This dogma is not meant to make this person anything.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yes, except fall in love with me. Wait. Isn't that the point?

SPEAKER_02 20:14

What are we doing here? What are we doing here? Yes, this this this is for you to be this alluring version of yourself and use a few psychological hacks to drive the point home. But if this person, if you are on the journey and you find, yo, this act this person's actually really like shoddy and he's not great and I misjudged where I was putting my energy, take your energy bag and move it the fuck on. I'm not saying I'm this the roadmaster is not gonna make him the man, you know?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Okay, that's fine. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 20:47

If you're chatting and he's giving nothing back and you're like, I don't want to do this anymore, then back out real quick.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

So is it just if I feel like the chat's boring? But like, what if he's like Cause I'm like, what if he gets like overly chatty? You know, like I'm like Because he's so into you now. Yeah, I'm like, oh, thinking about you, and then like that whole day now he's messaging me the whole time. And now I've opened up a can of worms that I'm not ready to eat.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

That's a very, very, very different conversation. You're not a chatty person.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

And so I would suspect that the person you want to do this to is not going to be that person. And if you find that they are not necessarily. I think it's a big one for you. But like you're saying, if you if everything else outweighs that, then I'm sure you can be like, listen, I'm not a chatty person all the time. You're still gonna lay down your boundaries and stuff, you know? Yeah. The hope is that in response he will be receptive and not reactive. It's not about what he reacts to, it's about what he receives. Okay, yeah, we can.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Last question, I promise. Okay, so Uh-huh. When you say deceptive, do you mean that like does he tell me things he likes about me also? I'm as anxious. Like talking. I hope he does. Like, what if I do this the whole time? And he's chatting and he's being really, really nice, and the conversation is flowing, but like he never turns it back on me. Like he never does these things to me. Does that mean he's not interested?

SPEAKER_02 22:13

For me, if s when I do this to people and they don't often don't do it back, it's subtle flicks. No, they often don't do it back.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Like they would say they they don't often not do it back.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Oh no, I was saying the opposite. They often don't do it back. I don't feel like uh like hot done. I didn't want them to.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 22:41

So it's just showing your intention. And their intention can come through in a different way. Alright, we'll see.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

Sounds like I put this work in. I expect you to do the same. I will share notes with you. We will be doing this to each other. No, not necessarily. But if it's important to you, then yeah, one would hope that he's somebody who can do that for you or at least invoke the same feeling in a maybe a different way. But for me, I'm like, when I do this to people, my expectation isn't for them to match the energy. My expectation is for them to then feel more comfortable being around me and want to stay around me and then be themselves, whatever that may be.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

But if they're not matching the energy of intention, yeah, then why are they there? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 23:25

That that's your that's your abandonment. You're just talking. You're like, if they don't love me the same way I love them, then they can fuck right off. Yeah, sometimes that happens and that's pretty that's pretty chilled.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Yeah. Look at and at some point if they're like, well, fuck you, I'm gonna be like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Okay, well, if there's a lot, of course.

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Yeah. So I don't see so if it's important to you that they are reciprocating it, then yeah, then that's the guy. If they're not, then yeah, that's not that's up to you. This is more you making them feel that you're okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

This is you strengthening your signals. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Strengthening your signals. Okay. Okay, now that your signal's out there and he's receptive and he still seems like the guy you want to pursue even further, you're gonna want to do dates full. Now, maybe you've met once and it went nice and it was a nice. Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm I'm I'm like, you've been chatting and you're like, okay, I want to meet this person. Because I I know for you, you often like to meet the person first, then chat, then see if you like them. That's usually like you know, you don't like to chat chat chat, see if you want to meet them, then decide. So I think a lot of people feel the opposite way. They want to chat. Yeah, they want to kind of chat, which is tough for you because you're the opposite. And I think that the person you're talking to is gonna want to do it the other way around, which is why I also think having some pointers on how to chat you know, might help. So at some point you're gonna chat to this guy, he's gonna be feeling it, and then you're gonna be like, Okay, I'm I would like to have a date so that I can get my process on because your process looks a little different. You wanna get the date going. And um, maybe you're like, Oh, you don't know like how to bring this up.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

How to bring up that I want to date?

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Okay, so this this is pointers on how to ask for the date.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Not not ask for the date, but but something like that. Yeah. Okay, let me let me cook.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Let me cook quick. Let me get to the point.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Okay, so I saw this video of this guy saying that like he's a CIA um no, he he just worked for the CIA and he's like he worked, I think, under cover or something, so he's really good with like persuasion. Okay, okay. So he's really good with persuasion. And he says, like, w a a very good uh way to convince somebody about something is like they you put You ask them for the you asked them to do something small for you when you meet them. Well that I mean, hey, that's that's something.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Can you pass me the salt?

SPEAKER_02 26:04

And they're like, oh my god, I'm so deceptive. No, they they say like if I put a piece of Lego on the table and a m and another piece of Lego next to it, just on the table, and we continue our conversation, your brain is gonna go to those two pieces and they're gonna be like, I bet they foot together. Right? You're gonna look at those two pieces of Lego and you're naturally why'd you put the Lego there? Yeah, but you're also gonna you've you're gonna think I could probably put them together. Yeah, okay. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna you're gonna wanna like put them together. It's Lego, they fit together. You know they fit together. Your brain's gonna and then you're gonna go, but why did he put it there? What's going on? No doubt those questions will adapt.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

But at some point you'll think.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

So the idea is that often we are given or the best way to persuade somebody is to give them two pieces of information and let them connect it, because then it's the idea. Yes. Right? So they do this in the news. Yes. So they say, Uh, a woman was raped yesterday afternoon. The neighbor saw a man jogging further, and you're like, That's the truth.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Oh, it's the man.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Yeah. But who said that?

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Well, the neighborhood watch has told the neighborhood to keep their windows and doors locked, and you're like, Oh my god, he lives in the neighborhood.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

You know what I'm saying? Like you they give you two pieces of information, your brain connects it, and you're like, Yes, and it's very hard to to convince somebody otherwise. So I was like, Okay, you don't want to be like, Hey, let's go and defy this. So I think we should do like, oh, I'm free this after. Or you come home, you're like, Oh, I'm so very hungry. And then I'm so hungry right now. You know what I mean? I'm just so hungry, like, oh, you know, I have such a long day, I'm so hungry, right? And then you go, and he's like, Oh, crazy. You know, whatever, me too. Oh, you should get lunch. You're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then later you go, or like almost immediately after you say, Oh, I'm I'm actually ending early. I'm so excited. Just make those two statements.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

Right? And then you continue. And then he's gonna sit there and he's gonna be like, I have this sudden urge.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

She's hungry, and she's ending early.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

I need to take her out. Look, that's like a weird version, but like you know what I'm saying? Like, it depends on the nuance of the conversation. But you could also persuade like him to do different things, like you know, like you're saying, like, oh, I would like to go out on Wednesday, or I'd like to go out on Thursday, but instead of just saying, like, I'd like to go out on Wednesday or Thursday, make it feel like it's his idea. Because if it's his idea, he's like, I want to take her out. You know what I'm saying? You'll be more excited, not more excited, but ye did it. You know, you didn't ask for it, you didn't suggest it, he did it. And I think that that's gonna come with it a little bit like if a man is like, I I I want to like take in charge. Yeah, because you know, there's this whole thing about men, they they're like, Oh, it's they a lot of people say that women, the problem is is that he's not ready for a girl right now. So he's ready when he's ready, and whoever he's with is his wife, right? They say like men are men are in like women. We see we are searching for our a lifelong partner, and we're ready, then we go look for the partner and we go find him. Um but with men, it's like oh he's dating women. And then he'll be dating this girl, and now it's a good one. If he is worth your marriage, exactly, exactly. So so I'm saying like men work a little differently, and when they are like, I took charge, I'm doing it. I'm I wasn't asked or go or like you know what I'm saying? They the I feel like making them ask for the date or letting them have the idea, whether they're deceptive or not, or whether you think they can they will say yes to you or not. That's not the point. You want him to ask for the date and be like, Oh, I you know, it's gotta be his idea, it's gotta be his intention. He's he's looking for you, whether he wants to or not. He's looking for you. You're making him look for you.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Okay, that's fair. You know what I'm saying? I could see that working.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

I think Yeah, men are easy, so it's not a lot of issue. You like think I'm ready, and then he's like, Well, you want you want to come with me? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

Oh, thanks for asking.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

Yeah, I know. It's not really much of a hack, but could work.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

I'm not gonna lie, I I I think I do think it would work. I've never done something like this before. I've never even considered it.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

I think it's it's like I tried it on Logan and then it didn't work. I said, Oh, I'm really hungry, and oh I I leave early, I leave work early, and he was he just went on with the conversation or something else. But then again.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

But look, he's not trying to impress you now. Maybe that's the difference. Maybe if you had said I'm leaving work early, and no, if you said I'm really hungry and I'm really tired, he would have made you something to eat. You know what I'm saying? Like something a little bit more like ho, because he's not gonna take you out somewhere. Like it's a freak day. I know this gig, come home, you're coming home with me. So maybe. But so how I think my thing is how close do these sentences have to be? Can I be like, oh I'm hungry, chat chat, chat, chat, chat, leaving early. Or do I have to be like bloom bloom?

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Yeah, it's gotta be close. And then you then you continue with the conversation because you you like I made these two statements, and then you continue with the conversation, and then he goes, I can't think of the conversation we're having.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

All I'm thinking about is that she's hungry. Exactly. Exactly. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

So Oh, if you want to use it on like, oh, I'm I'm ready for a boyfriend right now. But you know, like I don't know, you could use it for a lot of things in a deaf in definite manner.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

I think this one is a little bit like um iffy because you've gotta do it right. Because this this this this could go wrong. Yes, you could come across as pushy, strange, you know, you could come across as like pushy or naggy, you're like, Oh, you keep bringing this thing up. Like if you want to go out, just let's ask me to go out. That's how I would see it. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 31:33

But a guy, I don't think he's gonna see it like that. He's not gonna be like, oh my god, you keep saying they don't know the nuances, man, like girl. Girls say hungry. Off work early. That's it. That's how I think their brain works. Okay, that's it. I don't think they'll think about the nuances. Look, I don't think you should be like dropping subtle hints and foregoing a good conversation. But I I think that if you're like, okay, I want something, but I want him to be the one asking. You know, I want him to be the one checking, taking the leading doing, taking the lead, then this is your go-to.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Okay. Okay, gotcha. I I see it working. Okay, I can see it working. I'll I'll give I'll give that a try.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Okay, okay. Then you go on the first date.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

Okay. Now, whether this is the first date or whatever years apparently they say that if you take someone to three different places, they are going to feel like they know you so much better than if you go to one place with them.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

Oh yeah. I'm a little stuck on the last one. Okay. Okay. Okay, we'll backtrack. I had the Lego situation up when you were talking and all I kept thinking about.

SPEAKER_04 32:40

Look at that. Look at how this works, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Because I think for me, I'm like, so so is this about like entering your soft girl feminine edda or like being soft with a man? Because for me, I'm like, it kind of seems like I was like intentional and I was like, hey, um, I'm thinking about you, I'm noticing the things that you're saying, but then I don't take charge in saying, hey, would you like to go out on a date? So is this for me to just make him feel good about himself the whole time? That's what I'm that's what I'm asking.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

I would like to think that in the conversation he's throwing it back at you.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

I said, I guess maybe he'll make me feel good too.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Yeah. I'd like to think otherwise, why are you doing it to him, you know?

SPEAKER_01 33:21

I guess so.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

You this you you said you wanted to go to one step back. You meant two steps back. Two steps back.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Because I mean both of them together.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

Like, I can't keep complimenting him, okay? This is what it's always been about.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

I mean with both of them together. Because at first I was like, okay, that makes sense. I'm strengthening my signals. And then I assumed that with strengthening my signals, I would be the one to then be like, hey, I like you. Let's go out on a date. You know, but then he's he has to ask for the date. So it seems like I'm giving a lot of power.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

But do you remember like um you know our friend Tonita? Tanisha Tanita. Oh Tanita, yeah. Tanita. Now Tonita has been seeing a lot of guys. Yeah. And the problem is, Tonita is very okay to be like, what you doing now? Do you want to do something? Yeah. And a lot of guys are having this like uh, oh I'm busy, or oh, okay, yeah, this day, oh yeah, it's fine, but then they cancel. So I'm getting the vibe that men are a little scared, right? So like they'll make they may maybe do the first date. And that's fine. You do the first date, and that's okay. And that's why I said maybe this is for like the second date.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Yeah. They've been chatting for a while. I guess that's once you get to know each other a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Exactly. So it might be a trick or a hack to use if you're not necessarily trying to bag a first date, but trying to convince him to continue this instead of being like, Oh, the first date was fun and nice and okay. But like he gets a little boy insecure, scared of what does this mean? Yeah, whatever. You know, and so you could be like, Oh yeah, um because now you say, Let's go on a second date. Maybe he's like, Oh, but March, I don't have time, you know, what's going on? I'm saying maybe you throw this in there, you get him to ask you, and then you're like, Um, I think I'm free, yeah, should be, you know, and that's a better position to be in.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Okay. I figured it out. I figured out what my problem is. Okay, I think for me, and this and this is the reason I need the the roadmap, the the blueprint, you know, because for me, I'm like, why do I have to try so hard? You know?

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Ain't that the question? You know what I'm saying? And I get it.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

That's a it's a sad thing for a chronically single person to say because like try a little bit, girl. Okay, try some.

unknown 35:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

I get it, you know? But I'm almost like, if I like this guy and he likes me, why do I have to put so much effort into making him feel like that?

SPEAKER_02 35:46

I think that's on a t-shirt. I think that's a 90% of a lot of people's questions.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

I'm like, if if he likes me back, I shouldn't have to like trick him into asking me for a day. Not trick, but you know what I'm saying? Or like, shouldn't he just want to also? And if he doesn't want to and I have to do this, doesn't this mean that he's not the guy for me? So am I not just trying to convince this guy that doesn't like me too much that he should like me more?

SPEAKER_02 36:10

I don't think look, it I'm not necessarily saying that it's gotta be for money. Someone. Um yeah, f no, for like the roadmap to like having a boyfriend, not necessarily. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

I thought it was endgame roadmap.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Well, yeah, hopefully, you know, have a boyfriend, then hopefully he becomes your husband. But like, look, let's let's start with with boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

I want my first boyfriend to be my husband.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

And that's that's fine. And that's our hope. That's our hope for you, you know. But realistically, sometimes it's not the case. And I don't that's why I didn't say husband. But if you want to set the goal as husband, I won't stop you. I won't say this isn't it meant to your husband.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah, like this isn't like I'm not trying to casually date for a year or two.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Okay, okay, hundred percent. Then even more so, the way you structure this is better. And I also think that yes, some people are good people, right? And they just go in through some shit. Right? Yeah, and it's not easy for them to be the best version of themselves, and maybe they need some tickety to get that out of them.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

Okay, okay, I could see it like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

So I'm not saying you're trying to bag this person who's not interested in you. Maybe you're just trying to get this guy who seems a little bit apprehensive or a little bit confused or a little bit. Yeah, you know, whatever, whatever it is. Because at this age, we find that people come with so much baggage. They are coming with their baggage, they are checking in luggage.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

They got hand luggage, they've got 220 kg.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

They had to pay extra, they had to bubble up their baggage, it's sensitive baggage. This way up. This way up, yeah. Exactly. So I'm saying, like, you know, but that doesn't mean that they're not good people or possible husband material.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

That's fair. That's fair. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Okay. Okay. Okay, so now I'm gonna I'm gonna go back to the point that I made. So apparently, if you take somebody to three different places, they feel like they know you a bit better. Okay. So when you set your dates, try to take the person on three different places.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

On on one date?

SPEAKER_02 38:15

Now year me out. I was at first when I was like, Amber, if you're gonna give this advice, this is a bit much to ask. But year me out. I'm thinking, you're like, hey, um, I'm at home, um, and well, we can meet. Do you mind meeting me at the cliques? I just have to pick something up, and then we can go to the restaurant, we can walk down to the restaurant together. You know? And then he he's like, Okay, cool, whatever. And then we meet at the cliques, and then you're talking. And he's gonna be like, It's a little weird, but okay, you may be running a bit late and you need to. You kind of plan it so that it doesn't seem too awkward. You go to the cliques. Either you're done shopping or whatever the case may be, you don't have anything, you just be like, Oh, they don't have it, or whatever. But then you're walking through cliques or the mall, and then you go to the place that's the second place already, right? So now you've been to the mall or the cliques or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

So the second place is the restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

Then the second place would be the restaurants now you're sitting you're having something at the restaurant. And then you could say, like, oh, um, I would I want to buy my mom a cupcake at this cute cupcake restaurant down the road. Um, let's me and you take a drive to there, we can buy maybe you want something as well, and then from there we can leave. So that's three different locations, but like it's like a quick beginning and quick end to it, you know? I Oh God. I try to do this roadmap, and it's just it's it's pothole o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 39:34

I think it's pothole o'clock. Look, I need this roadmap. So in me asking these questions, this is meeting. I hear you, I know, I got I got you. Okay, gotcha. I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm trying I'm trying to get inside of it to see how I can practically do this. Because for me, that sounds like a relationship, not like a second date. Now, I think But that's why you make it like a quick and and you know and maybe this has got to do with how casual the girl is capable of being. But for me, I think first off, I'm like, if I were that guy, I'd be like Okay, then say we're gonna be aidance?

SPEAKER_02 40:06

Okay, then we're gonna be we're gonna be we're beer hopping.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Okay, so that makes more sense.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Three different places, beer hopping. Okay. Or you say, let's take a bike ride. Though you know those bike rides, let's do a bike ride and then we'll go for lunch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:19

And then on the way home you can say, okay, we stop at the shop so I can get something. Okay, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

You know, something like that. It can be very casual, but it's gotta be three different places so that this person feels they will feel like they know you better because you've gone to three different locations. But they say over I'm not sure why. Over you spending the same amount of time in one location.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

Okay. Okay, so it's not a time thing.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

It's not a time thing. It's about the location thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:43

Interesting. I wonder if it's like psychologically because it feels like you've like spent more days with the city. Yeah, you're doing different tasks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do think so.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

The brain is like, oh, we did this and we did this and we did that. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 40:57

Okay, interesting. I'm trying to think of that. I've been to multiple places on a date. You usually go to one place. I think like two tops. Like you'll go to like lunch, and then maybe say, Oh, let's go get a cheek somewhere. Oh sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

It's that time, it's a change in the season. What are you gonna do? You're gonna be the best version of your camera.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

Two texts today.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Two texts?

SPEAKER_02 41:34

I should take another one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

So sorry about that. But okay, three places. I can do that in like a make two of the places part of the date and then one. But you see, this is okay, this is the other problem now. He shouldn't, and this is just my advice for the ladies out there. Okay. He shouldn't fetch you on the second day.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

So the third one then would have to be a place close to the other two because otherwise you'd have to drive separately and then does that count because then you can just go on your own. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:03

No, no, no. You have to go with them. So you have to plan it so that you that's why we're like walking distance, the bike, and then two that, you know, you park your cars, you drive the bike. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

You know, so so so this is so when you're I'm giving advice now.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Take the lead. I'm still taking it down. No, you said you were incapable of taking dating advice. She's just so incapable that she's now become the advice giver to avoid taking the advice.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Okay, but look, for me then, let's say. So you make two when you're when you're thinking about the date and you're inceptioning him to ask you, try the inception for a place that has like a dessert place close by. Yeah, like an ice cream shop or yeah, I'm saying so that you can be like, oh, let's walk to go get dessert together.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Yes, yes. That's a good one. Okay. So it's easy, I can do that. That so that's what you gotta do, and he'll feel like he knows he he feels like he knows you such a a date that like oh wow, it really made a memorable um expedience for him because he feels like he's really in it, you know, opposed to being in one place.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

I've had a date for like seven hours once. I can get chatty sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

I know.

SPEAKER_03 43:23

Oh boy, you I know. Why do you think I've asked you? Hey, don't you want to start a podcast where we just chat?

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Um also just uh this is uh this is a bonus, this is a bonus tip. Okay. Um people often remember the highest or lowest point and the last point of the night. So in my memory, most of our memories consist of the highest or lowest. So if the day was really shitty, you'll remember the worst part and the end.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

So you you're like, oh, the day was really crap, but it ended nicely, those are the two things you'll. You know, and so so remember that the highest point and the loss. So if it ended really low, the best thing you can do is try to like try to pick it up at the end. Pick it up. But don't pick it up. Don't try to pick it up immediately. Let it ride the wave. Wait till the end. Okay. Because it's because they're not going to remember that.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

That's good advice. So like you've got to wait till.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

You wanna wait until the end. That's when you put all of your eggs in the basket and you try to make it fun because that's what they'll remember. The worst part, you'll be like, oh, what a crazy experience, but not gonna lie, it ended really nicely. So they're gonna have a better experience like that. If you try to make it up and turn it around, he's gonna remember the low part and how it ended. You know what I'm saying? But 200 hours is what your goal is before you think, okay, this is boyfriend material.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

I can I can tell in like the first couple hours. I don't need 200.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

That's the that's the thing. That's what I think people think, and that's what I'm hoping that this advice will stop.

unknown 45:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

Easy. Okay? Easy. You don't know. I'm not saying he's the love of your life, but you barely know.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

I don't mean to sound like a B-word.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Okay, I really don't. I know I I am a plethora of flaws. You know, don't give me I know. I know me.

SPEAKER_03 45:30

I look myself in the mood.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

I know what I poop. Okay. But I got a lot of hobbies.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

I don't have 200 hours to waste.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

Look, I'm I'm saying, I'm saying that's the goal. I'm not saying you'll reach it, but I'm saying 200 hours is what it takes for you to become close friends with someone. How are you gonna date some dude and you're not even close friends yet? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Oh yeah, that's bare minimum. But what if I at that point stock home myself? Okay, okay, listen to this scenario, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:00

So she's like the exits are yeah, yeah, and yeah. I like to keep them in mind.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Because I think I think all of these tips are great. Thanks. Okay, genuinely.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

Thanks. I put them together out of a random array of both flirting advice and also CIA information.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

I love it. I I love the background more than I love the actual advice, honestly. But I'm like, so are you doing all of these things, Dad?

SPEAKER_02 46:26

And now you're in love and he's not? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 46:29

That's that's not a concern for me at all.

SPEAKER_03 46:32

Oh, is I the one that you're like, oh, you avoided suits your horn, Lord. Lukachuko.

SPEAKER_01 46:38

I didn't say they're falling in love with me. I'm just saying it's more likely that they will than I will.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Oh, so so you're doing all of the you're doing this tip style. And maybe in that you kind of convince yourself that he is the one because you're doing all of these things, and you're like, you're asking these questions and you're being intentional and you're implanting these things in his mind, so he's doing the right things. And so you tell you make yourself believe that he is the right one, right? And you put in all of this time, and then at the end you find out how that he's not because something snaps you out of it.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Like what? Like what?

SPEAKER_01 47:20

Like a friend is like, hey, you haven't been acting like yourself.

SPEAKER_02 47:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

Or like you act weird around him, and you realize, oh, I'm still putting on this, like, you know, like I never stopped doing it.

SPEAKER_02 47:30

Well, what's nice about all of the bits of information is that it requires you to still be you.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 47:38

Nothing nothing in that requires you to be a different person.

SPEAKER_01 47:41

That's true. So do I stop the intentional stuff, the the signal sending after the second day?

SPEAKER_02 47:49

Uh the signal sending I think is it it it can dumb down the longer you know someone. I mean, I'm not like messaging you every yeah, then it gets it will naturally become more casual. That's why that was in the front, you know. You want to signal send in the beginning because a lot of people think, oh, I don't know if this person likes me. And then the girl's like, I clearly put out signals that I like him.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

And he's like, I don't post that, you know, because you're like, you don't like me, no, you don't like me.

SPEAKER_02 48:15

Exactly, exactly. So that was more for to help that issue.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

The second one I think you can use at any point.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Yes, the second one you can use at any point.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

That just sounds like fun. I mean, it just ends now.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Yeah, exactly. I just you know, throw it in there. What do you need? Where are you at right now? Yeah. And then the date thing, obviously, it's gonna be exhausting to do that all the time. It's just kind of like to create a good bond in the beginning, to set a good footing.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Oh, what if what if you do it so well that he subconsciously thinks that every date you do has to be three stops? He doesn't know he's doing it. That would be so funny. But I mean you get to go to lots of experiences. That's fine. I don't see no problem.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

No problem there. Do you need to go to the mall? Because we have a date, so I need to take you to the mall and then afterwards, I don't know if I need to pick something up. It's kind of sweet. Yeah. Um but yeah, look, if you inadvertently make yourself fall in love, then I'm not gonna lie to you, girl, it's not the roadmap. It's just you fall in love.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

Not falling in love, but like Stockholm syndrome. No. Like you're convincing yourself the whole time, and you're like, oh no, but like it must be because like in no way in my tips did it say convince yourself.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

Well, it requires you to be like, I like this person, I'm going to do these things for them.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

That's true. He has to do things for you to like before you can acknowledge that you like them. It's like, I don't want to take myself. You won't just like him, though there's no there's no person even there, girl.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

So that's what we're saying. It doesn't require that. It's not for that, it's just it's like putting on lipstick, you know? Okay, it's not gonna make you love anybody more. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not gonna make you love the person more, it's not gonna make him necessarily love you, it's just gonna make you look a little bit shinier.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

Step one, find your lip line. You know what I'm saying? That's it, yeah. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Now I can do that.

SPEAKER_01 49:58

I'm chill. I can do that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 50:00

Twitching, your eyebrow is actually twitching.

SPEAKER_02 50:04

No, but look, it it is it is a very um, very like uh what are you scrapbook roadmap, you know? It's a scrappy roadmap to victory.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

But I also think that it does, like we were saying the other time, people are so scared to um to say that they like someone in the dating world now. And I do think that me, I have this problem. I don't know why I phrase it like that. But I know that other people do as well. And I can imagine that this is a nice way to stop thinking so much about how you're coming across and put your intention into the other person. Yes, yes, you know. So yeah. And I know I'm making a lot of jokes, but genuinely I do think that's some made it in between then. Yeah, with the phrasing things like that. It is important to make the other person feel special. And I think that that's something that I always take for granted. And I would like to do that, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

And I and I think uh just to be clear, don't do that with friends. Yeah, but it's the it's the romantic. It's a little hard for it.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

Because I'm always like, oh, I don't want to come on too strong. I don't want to seem like I like you more than you like me. You know, all of these bad habits pop up, you know. So yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 51:13

Yeah, and and and a lot of it like that first few things. I definitely those are things that I when I read that I was like, okay, yeah, that's I took for granted that that's what people do. I didn't realize that it's not something that people naturally do. Yeah. Um so I do I definitely agree with that one the most.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Um the persuasion thing, bonus tip, yeah. But I also believe that you need to lay down time with people. That last one, I 100% believe it. The 200 hours seems like a lot. It does seem like a lot to- But I will agree time. Time. And so I was saying remember, I all I need you to do is remember that you don't know this person. You don't know context of this person, you don't understand this person in it. You have the small window of just this moment. There's no context in those. It takes a while. So maybe instead of- You had this conversation with me the other day. You said somebody we know is with their work friends, and then they're like, Yeah, but they only know that person in that setting and the version they are now. You know that person in a time as way where you understand how it dips into the room.

SPEAKER_01 52:19

And know that section of them. Whereas for the other section, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 52:23

And so it puts into light how important it is to log the hours before you think easy boyfriend material, is he not? Easy. So I'm saying, don't make that choice just yet. You have a lot more hours before you can adequately make that choice. So as you aim for two 200, I'm sure somewhere before that you'll probably be able to make that choice and something will come up. But I hope that it will calm you down from rushing to conclusions.

SPEAKER_01 52:49

It's not like uh after the first date you get a vibe and then you just go, because maybe they were having an off day. Exactly. Yeah, it's like when you walk past a stage on the state and you're like, oh my gosh, they look so miserable, but you know. It's just their bad day.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

Yeah, you should see me when I think. People always think I'm like sad.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

She looks sad. I know it's just so sad. It's because she zones out and it just gets like people always come after me and they're like, Are you okay? And I'm gonna try.

SPEAKER_02 53:12

I'm okay. I'm actually uh very focused right now. It's so funny, dude.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

But yeah, I might just have that.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

And they're like, Oh, Amber's a really sad girl. No, I'm a really thinky girl. She's thinky, thinky, thinky McGee. Thinky, yeah. Thinky McGee. Look, on your journey.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

So, okay. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Just just okay, so maybe instead of 200 hours, let's put it into a date amount so it doesn't sound so intimidating.

SPEAKER_02 53:37

But remember, like you said, this is logged with like dates, chatting, with chatting, with phone calls, with you know, on and off, like sometimes the nuance of you messaging.

SPEAKER_01 53:47

Seven dates, six chats, two phone calls, and a walk. Oh fuck me.

SPEAKER_02 53:56

Oh, bonus, another bonus thing that I thought of is when you are in the talking stages of somebody, um try to stay off of your phone a little bit more, or like try to you need to bring your dopamine receptors down, like stop over like feeling stuff because they say that we are so overexposed right now that it's so difficult for us to feel the sensation of love. Yes. So it's very hard to go, oh, I feel the spark because you're feeling the spark on literally every swipe. Yeah. And so when you think like, okay, whoa, I I think I'm serious about this person, and you're going on the date or something like that, try to detach a little bit. So that you're like, Okay, that's good advice.

SPEAKER_01 54:31

I could take that.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

Yeah, so you're going on the date.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

The easiest one of the of the list so far.

SPEAKER_02 54:35

So yeah, so so so just like you know, play it cool.

SPEAKER_01 54:37

So get another hobby.

SPEAKER_02 54:39

Yeah, like like or or just like before you spend time with them or make make time for them, try to like detach. Don't go on your phone and swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, and then you go talk to them and you're like, oh, this person's so boring, they're not entertained. You know, you know what I'm saying? So those types of little things can be very damaging to your experience with someone as well. So just be a little bit more intentional. But yeah, look, all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 55:01

Sheesh.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

All I'm saying is this is your roadmap.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Yeah, okay. And best advice I can give you is don't open.

SPEAKER_04 55:10

Shh the O teacher.

unknown 55:18

The O teacher.