The Restriction You Don't Know You're Doing

You've heard that restriction leads to binging. You might even be trying hard not to restrict. But what if your body still thinks you're on a diet?

In this eye-opening episode, I reveal the hidden forms of restriction that might be sabotaging your relationship with food – even when you think you're doing everything right. From the fear of restriction paradox to unconscious social eating patterns, I'll help you discover how subtle mental and emotional barriers can keep you stuck in the binge cycle.

I share personal stories of my own unintentional restriction and offer practical insights on:

* Why eating "anything and everything" to avoid restriction might actually backfire

* How your energy and intention matter more than what's actually on your plate

* The surprising connection between social situations and late-night eating urges

* Why cultivating body trust is the real solution (not perfect eating habits)

If you've been working to heal your relationship with food but still feel stuck, this episode might hold the missing piece. I offer compassionate guidance for identifying your own hidden restrictions and practical steps for building genuine trust with your body.

Previous Episode Referenced: Why Letting Go of All Food Rules Isn't Working

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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You've heard that restriction leads to binging. But what if I told you that you're restricting in ways you don't even realize? Today, we're diving into the hidden restrictions that might be sabotaging your relationship with food and your body. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are here for a reason. I trust that something in today's episode will resonate deeply with you and provide you the insight you need on your journey with food. And I hope you trust that I'm here to offer a perspective that is rooted in compassion, science, and a genuine desire to help you find the freedom that you crave. So today we're going to talk about restriction, but not the kind that you probably think of when you hear the word restriction. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about why simply letting go of all food rules might not be working for you. And I explained how both having rigid food rules and also having no structure at all, how both can feel unsafe to your brain. So if you didn't check out that episode, I'll put a link in the show notes so you can go back and revisit it. But remember, in everything that we do with food, we want to create safety and trust. Which brings us to today's topic, which is the hidden forms of restriction that you might not even know that you're doing. When most people hear the word restriction, they immediately think about consciously limiting food or calories. They might think about dieting. But restriction shows up in a lot of other ways. And some of these ways are so subtle, but they can undermine our relationship with food just as powerful as dieting itself. So let's take a look at some of these hidden forms of restriction. So here's one of the most common scenarios that I see. When the body senses food scarcity, it triggers this powerful biological response to seek out and consume food. You've experienced this when you've gone on, you know, some crazy diet, and all of a sudden you're just, it just feels like you have to eat. So you you can see this pattern. You see that restriction leads to binging. You see when you go on these restrictive diets that you end up kind of um in that pendulum response. So you decide, I will never restrict again. But then here's the interesting thing that happens. You become so afraid of restriction that then you feel compelled to eat anything and everything that crosses your mind. You might think about cookies, and then you're like, well, I better eat those cookies now, or else I'm restricting. You see food at a meeting or in the break room, and you think, well, I should have some. I want to make sure that I'm not restricting. You make the decision so that you won't restrict because you are afraid that restriction will lead to binging. But here's the paradox. The paradox is that this is still fear-based eating. Fear-based eating is not freedom, it's another form of disconnection from your body. You've actually created a new rule for yourself. Never restrict. Rather than tuning into what your body actually needs. Now, here's what happens. Many people will find this approach initially, don't restrict, just eat. Whenever you think about food, just eat. They've been told if you just eat cookies every time you think about cookies and eat as many as you want, eventually you'll stop wanting the cookies. That is not usually what happens for most people. They just want more cookies. They're thinking about food more often. If every time they think about food they eat, of course that is going to increase. They also may experience physical discomfort and weight changes that create new anxieties. And they're still not experiencing true food freedom. So this is kind of one of those hidden restrictions. It's the fear of restriction. Now, another form of hidden restriction is what I call unintentional restriction. So this happens, it's not about consciously trying to limit yourself, it happens almost by accident. So let me share a personal example. This is one that I experience. As somebody who helps others with their relationship with food, you might be listening and you might think that I've got it all figured out and I never experience any of these things for myself anymore. But that's not true. I still experience unintentional restriction. So this might happen when my training volume increases. So maybe it's the duration of my workouts or the intensity. Maybe it's in my marathon training, the runs get longer. Sometimes I don't adequately increase my food intake to match my body's needs. And this isn't intentional. I am not trying to restrict. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I want to make sure that I fuel my body for my endeavors. But sometimes I unintentionally don't eat enough. So my body experiences a calorie deficit. And similarly, you may experience this when you have a busy day where you just power through meetings or errands and suddenly you realize, whoa, it's been a long time since I've eaten. Or it's the weekend, and maybe you slept in a little bit, and so your overall meal schedule is just a little bit different than usual. You're not trying to skip meals, but sometimes life happens. But here's the thing: to your body, unintentional restriction feels the same as intentional restriction. Your body doesn't know your schedule. Your body doesn't know your intentions. Your body doesn't know, oh, she just missed because she had this meeting that she couldn't eat during the meeting. Your body doesn't know that. It only knows whether it is receiving the energy it needs. And if it is not, it will do what it has to do to get the energy required for life. All right. Here's another hidden form. Perhaps the most insidious form of restriction isn't physical at all. It's mental and emotional. So this happens when you actually eat the food. You physically eat the food, but you don't really give yourself full permission to enjoy it. So this is what it might look like. It might look like eating the cake at the birthday party. While you're eating it, you are thinking, I shouldn't be having this with every bite. It might look like allowing yourself to have pasta for dinner. But in your mind, you are cataloging, you're mentally cataloging how you are going to make up for it tomorrow. I'll eat this tonight, but tomorrow I've got to change something. I've got to make up for it. Or maybe you're telling yourself, I'll only have two bites. Or I'm just going to have two cookies. It's like you give yourself permission to eat, but you're still restricting the quantity. You're putting these limits on yourself. It may be it's eating what you want. I really want this. But while you're eating, there's just this cloud of guilt covering the entire experience. While you're thinking, this is bad. I shouldn't be eating this. This is going to do whatever bad thing to my body. What happens is that this mental restriction, it prevents you from being fully present with your food. I would often be eating, literally saying to myself, while I was eating, don't eat too much. That is a form of it. Don't eat too much. Your brain is smart. What your brain recognizes is that while the food is physically there, the food is there. But emotionally, you are still in a state of restriction. So what's the result then? Continued food preoccupation, cravings, and often binges. And that chatter, that mental chatter increases. At least it stays the same, if not increases. So I want to emphasize something really important here. When I talk about restriction, it's the important thing here is the energy behind the decision, not the decision itself. So I tell my clients all the time: two people can order the exact same meal at a restaurant. The exact same meal. But one person might be ordering the this meal from the energy of restriction. Maybe they're thinking, I really want something else, but I can't, or I shouldn't have that other thing that I really want. Or maybe they go in thinking, I have to choose the lowest calorie option on the menu. And that's why I ordered this thing. The energy behind the decision is a very different energy than the other person who maybe orders the exact same item, but they order it from a place of connection. I really enjoy this food. It sounds really tasty, and it's going to give me the energy I want for the rest of my day. So you can have exact same food on the plate. You cannot tell based on somebody's plate. You cannot tell based on what somebody is eating, if they are restricting or not. It is the energy behind it. And your body can feel the difference between these energies, even if the food on your plate is the same as somebody next to you. It's the difference between eating from fear versus eating from trust. Now, here's another form of hidden restriction that often goes unrecognized: social restriction. This happens when you change your eating habits based on who you're with. So maybe you eat differently around certain friends who you perceive as healthier or thinner than you. Maybe you avoid eating in front of work colleagues, or you avoid eating certain foods, or you avoid eating in certain ways in front of if you go on a date. Or you just might turn down social invitations that involve food that you're nervous about. So I want to share my own experience with this. I used to totally restrict when going out with friends. The way that I ate when I was out with them would be very different than the way that I ate on my own. So when I would go out with them, I would carefully monitor what I ate and how much I ate in social settings. And then what would happen inevitably? I would have these intense urges to stop and get food on the way home. I was often physically hungry because I was not actually eating enough food while I was there. But I was also trying to compensate for the emotional experience of restriction. And I see this so frequently with my clients. And here's what I want you to know. If you have ever stopped to eat more, stopped like to get more to eat, maybe you stop at a restaurant, maybe you stop at a grocery store, maybe you stop at a convenience store on your way home after a night out with friends, or you get home and you immediately eat the leftovers that you brought home, or you dive into the pantry for more food. I want you to know you are not alone. This happens more often than you realize. And of course, nobody talks about it. So then you think you are alone. You think you are the only one. You think you are broken. And what is wrong with you? Why can't you eat like a normal person? This is a classic sign that social restriction might be at play. So let me tell you about another client. So this client would normally eat, eat normally when she was alone, but she would significantly under-consume when out with her friends or family. And she was worried about being judged for what she ate or how much she ate. And over time, this pattern of social restriction led to intense cravings and private binges later. Often there was a clear pattern that it often happened after these social events where she had restricted. So we want to look at, investigate, get curious, is that happening for you? And sometimes there is the actual restriction pattern. Then there can become almost a habitual pattern. Well, this is just what I do on the way home. So there can be kind of both things involved there. So the final form of hidden restriction that I want to talk about today is time restriction. And this happens when you place arbitrary rules around when you are allowed to eat. So common examples sound like this: no eating after 7 p.m. I already had lunch, so I can't be hungry again yet. I just ate breakfast. It's too soon to eat again. So time-based rules override your body's actual hunger signals. Your body might be genuinely hungry at 8 p.m. But if you've decided that is not an acceptable time to eat, you're still restricting. So why do we restrict in these hidden ways? At the core, all forms of restriction stem from the same place: a lack of trust in our bodies. We don't trust that our bodies can tell us when, what, and how much to eat. We don't trust that our bodies can maintain a weight that's appropriate and healthy for us individually without external control. We don't trust our hunger and fullness cues. And we don't trust that we can have a peaceful relationship with food without rigid rules. And this brings me back to what I emphasized a couple of weeks ago on the podcast about the rules. The most important thing that we can do on this journey is to build trust. Trust between our conscious mind and the wisdom of our body. Restriction isn't something to fear. If you notice yourself restricting, whether overtly or in these hidden ways, it's simply information. It's telling you there's an opportunity to build more trust with your body. Okay, so now what? What can you do if you recognize some of these hidden forms of restriction in your own life? Now, if you've been listening to me for any period of time, you know what I'm going to tell you the first step is. It is always awareness. So now that you know about these different forms of hidden restriction, start noticing where they appear in your life. Without judgment, simply observe. Huh. Isn't that interesting? I'm doing that social restriction thing right now. Or I notice I'm mentally restricting with this food. I may be giving myself permission, but I'm kind of not really. So beyond awareness, awareness is always our first step. But here's a few steps, here's a few action steps that you can take that I recommend. Number one, practice regular rhythmic eating. Give your body consistent nourishment throughout the day to build trust that food is reliably available. Now, this is different than rigid rules. It is also different than having zero structure whatsoever. We want that consistency. We want to let the body know you will be fed regularly and faithfully. Remember, the body does not know anything about our schedules. It does not know anything. All it knows is whether or not it's getting enough food, whether it is getting food on a consistent basis, or whether sometimes we get a whole lot of food and sometimes we get none. And if that's the case, then I'm gonna make sure we get plenty of food to have plenty left over for those times we don't get enough. This is why regular rhythmic eating is important. Number two, check in with your body before, during, and after eating. Ask yourself, what does my body need right now? How does this food feel in my body? What would feel satisfying? Number three, notice the thoughts that arise around food. So when you catch yourself thinking restrictive thoughts, gently challenge them. Ask, is this thought helping me build trust with my body? Number four, experiment with mental permission. Practice giving yourself full mental and emotional permission to enjoy foods that have historically been complicated for you. Maintain connection with yourself throughout this process. Notice how the food tastes, how it feels in your body, and what emotions come up. Within my cultivate group, we do this together. Sometimes this can be challenging to do on your own. These foods have been complicated for a reason. You have a belief that you don't trust yourself. So part of the work is learning how to trust yourself with these foods. Sometimes you can do it on your own. Sometimes it helps to do it with others, to create some more safety while you experiment. Number five, bring in curiosity instead of judgment. So when you notice restriction patterns, approach them with the same compassion, the same curiosity that you would offer a friend. Don't judge yourself. Remember, if we think we're doing something wrong, we're doing something bad, we're going to end up in a situation that may be more likely to repeat the cycle. Now, remember, the goal is not perfect eating. The goal is a trusting relationship with your body and with food. A relationship where you can hear and respond to your body's signals with compassion and wisdom. Now, if this resonates with you and you would like more support on your journey, I have an exciting announcement for you. If you happen to be listening to this live in the end of March of 2025, I have a live event coming up very soon on April 2nd called Stop Binge Eating without willpower, diets, or control. And if you've tried to stop binge eating and you haven't been successful yet, during this event, I'm going to help you uncover why. And I'm going to teach you the steps to self-trust. These challenges with restriction come because we do not trust ourselves. We can't remove restriction without creating trust. I will show you how in this event. So I will put a link in the show notes for you to register. And if you are listening to this episode after the event has passed and you want support, please reach out to me. Cultivating trust with yourself when you haven't had it before often involves another person. I would love to be that person for you if you think we might be a fit. All right, that's what I have for you this week. Thank you for being a trusted listener. I'll see you next time. If you've tried diets, therapy, and willpower, but still find yourself binge eating, it's time to discover why those attempts haven't worked. Join me for my upcoming free workshop. Stop binge eating without diets, or willpower. I can't wait to see you there.