Expanding Your Capacity: The Hidden Key to Food Freedom

In this episode, I reveal why the journey to overcome binge eating isn't about restriction or willpower—it's about expansion. I share how expanding your capacity in key areas creates lasting freedom with food and transforms your entire life.

If you've tried everything to stop binge eating, only to find yourself back in the same cycle, this episode offers a refreshingly different perspective. I explain why emotional capacity, nervous system regulation, and self-compassion are the true keys to breaking free from binge eating for good.

Previous Episodes Referenced:

What Happens When You Flip Your Lid

You Don't Have to Love Your Body

Looking to expand your capacity to be nicer to yourself after a binge? Download my What to Do After a Binge: 5-Step Plan today—a practical tool to help you respond with compassion when you need it most.

Want to know why you struggle with food and what to do next? Start watching The Food Freedom Mini Series today. 

Transcript

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What if your journey with food isn't just about stopping binge eating, but it's about expanding what's possible in every area of your life. Today we're diving into why expanding your capacity just might be the missing piece you've been searching for. Welcome to Binge Eating Breakthrough, the podcast to help you stop feeling out of control around food and build trust with your body. If you've tried everything but still feel stuck, you're not alone. I've been there too. I'm Jane Pilger, and I'm here to help you see binge eating in a new way so you can finally break free. Each week you'll get the tools and insights to create peace with food and your body. Your breakthrough starts now. Hello, trusted listener. Whether you've been listening to this podcast for a long time or this is your first time here, I consider you a trusted listener because I truly believe that the work we're doing together through this podcast is building trust. Trust with yourself, trust with food, and trust with your body. And I trust that something in today's episode will resonate with you and is going to offer you a new perspective that helps you move forward on your journey with food. So let's dive in. Last week we talked about how the food you choose during a binge, even though I know it does not always feel like you actually choose it, but the food you eat during a binge, they leave important clues. And how understanding these clues is the first piece to developing trust. And just understanding overall, understanding yourself, understanding your the way you show up, why you show up, what might be going on underneath the hood. This is how we develop trust. And so today, what I want to talk about is really fundamental in the work that I do with my clients. And it's something that I think a lot of people don't even consider when they think about ending binge eating, but it really is fundamentally the work that we do together. And it's about expanding your capacity. So that's what we're going to be exploring today. Expanding your capacity. So when I say capacity, what do I mean? Think about your capacity. Think about it like a container. We all have different size containers for different experiences in our lives. Think about this. When it's uh when you have leftovers and you go to put some leftovers in a container, you go and you look. What are the different sizes? Some leftovers will fit in a certain size, some will fit in a different size. This doesn't mean that some containers are better than another. It just means that based on whatever you have, there is a different size container for what you are trying to put in it. So if you think about your capacity for anything in life, like a container, we, every single one of us has different size containers for the different experiences or different things in our lives. For example, some of us might have a thimble-sized capacity for feeling certain emotions, while others might have a much larger capacity, maybe even as big as a swimming pool. But no matter what size your container is right now, for the various things, the various capacities that we're going to talk about in this episode, no matter what size your container is, it can grow. And that is fundamentally the work that I do with my clients. We are expanding your capacity. So let's explore the different ways and the different places that we can expand our capacity. First, it's emotional capacity. So many of my clients, they come to me believing they shouldn't feel certain emotions, or just that they can't, that some emotions are too dangerous to experience. Maybe you resonate with this. Maybe you were taught that anger isn't acceptable, or that you just don't do emotions in your house. Maybe you were taught that showing sadness is a weakness. Maybe you learned that anxiety means something is wrong with you. Maybe you're afraid that if you let yourself grieve, that you will never stop. But what happens when we believe that our emotions are dangerous or unacceptable? Of course, we look for ways to avoid them. And for so many of us, food becomes that escape route. It's that momentary relief from feelings that seem too big, too scary, or too overwhelming. But here's what really happens. When we avoid our emotions, our capacity to feel them, to experience them, it actually shrinks. It's like a muscle that atrophies from lack of use. The less we practice being with our emotions, the scarier they become. And the more we need that escape hatch, that escape route that food provides. And so, because of this, the work that I do with clients involves gently expanding this emotional capacity. Learning that you can feel anxious without being consumed by it. That you can experience disappointment without needing to numb it. That sadness will pass through you if you allow it to. You don't have to escape it. When you can expand your emotional capacity, you expand your ability to be with any emotion. But emotional capacity is just one area of capacity where we are working on expanding our capacity. We also work on expanding your capacity for what you believe is possible for yourself. So many people that I work with have tried so many diets and programs that they've developed a belief that freedom from binge eating, having true food freedom, just isn't possible for them. Maybe for other people, they might say, but not for me. I'm different. And this limited capacity for possibility becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we don't believe something is possible, we don't fully commit to the actions that could make it reality. We keep one foot on the brake while pressing the gas pedal. And then we wonder why we're not moving forward. So expanding this capacity, this capacity for what you believe is possible for yourself. Here's what it means: it means allowing yourself to consider what if this time could be different? What if I could have a peaceful relationship with food? What if I didn't have to think about food all the time? Now, there's another area that I work with clients on expanding their capacity. I also help clients expand their capacity to regulate their nervous system. Remember our conversation last week about what happens with the brain, how the brain responds when there is danger. We have this part of our brain, the amygdala, the survival part of the brain, that is always scanning for danger, always asking the same question. Am I safe? When it thinks it's not safe, what happens is you flip your lid. I have a great previous podcast episode on this. What happens when you flip your lid? I'll reference it in the show notes so that you can go back and listen to that to really get a sense of what happens when this happens, when you flip your lid, when your brain senses danger. When our nervous system is dysregulated, our prefrontal cortex, the thinking, planning, rational part of our brain, it goes offline. We literally lose access to our best thinking when we're in that state. So through the work that I do with my clients, we learn how to expand your window of tolerance. Your window of tolerance is the range in which you can experience stress or emotional activation while still maintaining access to your prefrontal cortex. This expanded capacity means you can stay present with yourself in increasingly challenging situations without automatically reaching for food as a regulator. This work with the nervous system is paramount. It's everything. If you can increase your safety, your window of tolerance is the place where you feel safe. And if you can expand your window of tolerance, you are expanding your capacity for safety, where you can still experience stress, you can still experience a variety of different emotions. And keep that part of your brain that has the logic, that understands what will happen, that is able to make conscious choices, that all stays online. This is huge in the work that I do with my clients. And literally, I think for me, this work on the nervous system truly was a game changer. I always say that the missing pieces for me were safety and trust. Learning how to develop safety with myself, safety around other foods, safety with my body, and trust. Trust comes along with those, with safety. Now, there's also, we have more places where we expand capacity. There's also the capacity for awareness. When I work with clients, we are constantly expanding your capacity for awareness. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you have heard me say so many times awareness is the first step to change. But here's the problem: so many of us operate on autopilot, especially around food. We don't notice the thoughts that precede a binge. We don't recognize the subtle body sensations that signal that we're moving into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. Expanding your capacity for awareness means slowing down enough to notice these cues. Creating that space between stimulus and response where choice can live. And speaking of choice, this is another capacity that we work to expand. In the beginning, clients often tell me I didn't have a choice. I had to eat it. But as we do this work together, they start to recognize that there are microseconds of choice, even in what previously felt like automatic behaviors. These moments of choice might be tiny at first, but they grow with time and with practice. There's also the capacity to speak kindly to yourself. This is another place where we are working to expand your capacity. And this one is so important. If your inner dialogue is constantly critical, judgmental, and harsh, it's going to be very difficult to make lasting change. So many people that I work with have a self-talk style that would never be acceptable to use with anyone else. But they've been speaking to themselves this way for decades. And going back to that capacity for awareness, sometimes they're not even aware of just how harsh that internal dialogue even sounds. Now, I want to be clear: expanding your capacity for self-kindness does not mean that you will never have a negative thought about yourself again. What it means is that you will catch those thoughts sooner. You will become aware of them, and you'll have the ability to redirect them to something more supportive and truthful. You will also combine this with your capacity for choice. You will begin to see that you have a choice in how you speak to yourself. You may not have thought you actually have a choice in that area, but you do. Now, in a kind of a related area of expanding your capacity, we also work on expanding your capacity to see yourself positively when you look in the mirror. Now, I want to be clear, this is not about toxic positivity or forcing yourself to love every aspect of your appearance. You can go back and listen to the episode on you don't have to love your body from just a few weeks ago, for more on this. But what it is, it's about expanding your ability to see yourself as a whole person, not just a collection of flaws to be fixed. There's also the capacity, another place we work on expanding your capacity to recognize and celebrate progress. So many high-achieving women are excellent at noticing what's not working, what needs improvement, and where they've fallen short. But they struggle to acknowledge their wins, even significant ones. This capacity to acknowledge and celebrate your wins and your progress is crucial because progress in healing your relationship with food is not linear. There will be ups and downs. And if all you see are the downs, the journey becomes unbearable. And you will likely decide this isn't possible. And so then the self-fulfilling prophecy continues. Finally, there's the capacity. We expand the capacity for what else you want in life. When food and body obsession take up so much mental space, what often happens is that other dreams and goals get pushed to the side. But what is so fun to watch is that as your relationship with food heals, all of that energy that before was put into food in your body, it becomes available for redirecting yourself towards what truly matters to you. This is what I want you to know. This work is so much more than just stopping binge eating. It's about expanding what is possible for you in all areas of your life. It shows up in your relationship with food. Yes. And that's important because we will all eat multiple times a day for the rest of our lives. But even more importantly, this work shows up in your relationship with yourself, your relationship with other people, and your relationship with your future. One client told me recently, she said, I came to you to stop binge eating, but what I've gained is a whole new life. She said, I'm still the same, I'm the same person, but I'm actually so different. I have a new perspective, a whole new lease on life. And that's what expanding your capacity can do. Now, I want to acknowledge something really important. And I've said this many times before. This expansion, the expanding of your capacity in all of these areas, it does not happen overnight. Just like you wouldn't expect to go from never exercising to running a marathon in a week. Expanding your capacity takes time and consistent practice. There might be moments where it feels uncomfortable, which is normal when we're growing, when we're doing something different. Think about it like a muscle that is sore after a workout. That discomfort in your muscles, it's not a sign that something is wrong. It's a sign that growth is happening. And the same is true as you expand these various capacities. Now, within this, also becomes the capacity to really tune in and know what some of these signals are, this discomfort. For example, when we talk about sore muscles after a workout, there is work and discernment to figure out the difference between, oh, this type of discomfort means there actually is something really good happening here. This is the type of discomfort or soreness that means I'm growing. That means growth is happening. There is also a discomfort that means uh something might be wrong here. If we keep pushing and we keep, we keep ignoring this, we might be creating injury. So we expand the capacity for being able to discern the signals that our body is giving us. It might be the signals, the hunger signals. We grow and we expand in the capacity to discern is this physical hunger or is this emotional hunger? We grow in the capacity to discern, is this real fear? Is this the type of fear that I really want to listen to? Maybe I'm feeling like resistance and I'm feeling like I should not do this thing for a really good protective reason. Or maybe this is fear that this is just my brain trying to keep me safe. This is the type of fear I want to be with myself, take action anyway, to be able to discern the disconnect. Comfort. Is this the type? Is what is this? What my body is telling me can I discern if this truly is something I want to work with and means I'm growing? Or is this something that means stop? This takes practice. It takes discernment. It takes working with often. It takes working with somebody else to get that distinction. So you might be thinking, okay, Jane, this all sounds great, but how do I actually do this? How do I expand my capacity in all of these areas? Great question. And you probably are not going to be surprised in my answer. It starts with awareness, with noticing where your current capacities feel limited. Where do you tend to reach for food instead of feeling? Where do you automatically go into self-criticism? Where does your nervous system become overwhelmed? Where do you get confused with what your body is telling you? Is this physical hunger? Is this emotional hunger? I'm not really sure. Once you have this awareness, you can begin the practice of staying with yourself in those moments just a little longer before seeking escape. It might be just a few seconds at first. And that is plenty. Those seconds matter. Over time, those seconds grow into minutes and then longer. Now, another crucial practice is bringing in warmth and kindness that we've talked about in previous episodes. When you notice yourself struggling, can you wrap up that activated amygdala, that survival part of your brain that is feeling, seeking, sensing danger? Can you wrap it up in a metaphorical blanket of compassion? Can you speak to yourself the way you would speak to a dear friend who is having a hard time? This journey of expanding your capacity, it's not easy to do on your own. You don't have to walk this journey, this path alone. And so often having support really does make all the difference. Our capacity expands much more easily when we have someone holding space for us, believing in us and guiding us through the process. Think about something you've been through in the past where you weren't really sure if something was possible for you, but you had somebody in your corner. You had somebody who believed in you before you could believe in yourself. And then you catch up to their belief. And it's like, oh wow, okay, maybe I really can do this. That is what I do with my clients. I become a temporary external container that helps their internal container grow. I believe in their capacity to heal until they can fully believe it themselves. One of the most powerful capacities that you can expand is your capacity to respond differently to yourself after a binge, after a moment when you respond with food in a way that you would not prefer. This right here, this capacity to change and respond differently is a game changer. Think about it. What typically happens after a binge? For most of the people that I work with, it's an immediate cascade of shame, self-criticism, and promises to be good starting tomorrow. This is the problem, though. This response actually reinforces the cycle, making another binge more likely, not less. But what if you could expand your capacity to respond with curiosity instead of criticism? With compassion instead of condemnation. This shift in response doesn't just feel better in the moment. So to help you start expanding this capacity for those moments after a binge, I've created a resource for you. It's called What to Do After a Binge. It's a five-step plan that walks you through exactly how to respond to yourself after a binge in a way that breaks the cycle rather than reinforcing it. It's designed to help you expand your capacity for self-compassion, awareness, and choice in what is often the most difficult moment. You can download this five-step plan right now by going to janepilger.com forward slash after. I'll put a link in the show notes. This resource has helped so many women and men, so many people begin to transform their response after a binge. And I would love for it to support you too. All right, that's what I have for you today. But before we wrap up, I just want to invite you to consider, ask yourself, what capacity feels most constrained for me right now? Is it my emotional capacity? Is it my capacity for self-kindness? Is it my capacity to respond differently after a challenging moment with food? Whatever it is, I want you to know that it can expand. No matter how small your capacity in any of these areas feels today, it can grow. And as it does, your relationship with food will transform along with every other relationship in your life, every other aspect of your life. Remember, this work isn't just about food. It's about reclaiming your life, your energy, your joy. It's about expanding what's possible for you in ways you might not even be able to imagine yet. That's what I have for you today. Don't forget, download your five-step plan. And until next week, be gentle with yourself as you practice expanding your capacity one moment at a time. If you like what you're hearing on the podcast, you will love my food. The binge eating breakthrough. Why food isn't the problem and what really is. Discover why what isn't the answer. By restricting certain foods often have firms, and by understanding the brain and body is the key to lasting. Give it today at janepeller.com forward slash.