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The Narcissism Decoder
The Narcissism Decoder is a podcast dedicated to exploring the many dimensions of narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. Each episode unpacks the intricate factors and behaviors that shape narcissistic traits, offering a deeper understanding of what lies beneath the surface.
Together, we navigate the tools and strategies essential for recognizing, understanding, and effectively engaging with narcissistic individuals. With a blend of compassionate insight, expert guidance, and compelling stories, this podcast aims to transform the way you perceive and approach narcissism.
Subscribe now to ensure you don't miss a single episode of this transformative journey.
Episodes
158 episodes
How to De-Escalate “High Conflict” (Without Giving In) | Epi 153
In today’s episode, we’re joined by Joe Dillon, a divorce mediation specialist, to break down what really drives high-conflict communication—and why small disagreements so quickly turn into major fights. We explore defensiveness, emotional proj...
How to Stay "Yourself" in a Narcissist Relationship Without Losing Your Mind | Epi 152
In this episode, we return to our consolidation series to explore a listener’s deeply thoughtful question: what does it actually mean to be “separate but together” in a relationship where emotions run high and reality feels contested?
Can Narcissists Change? What Actually Works | Epi 151
In this episode, Dr. John Ogrodniczuk joins us again to explore the possibility of real change in people with narcissistic patterns. We dive into what actually makes therapy work, how trust is built over time, and why staying with difficult emo...
Can a Borderline Parent Create Narcissistic Traits in their Child? | Epi 150
In this episode, we return to our consolidation series and slow down to explore a listener’s deeply thoughtful question: Is there a relationship between having a borderline parent and developing narcissistic traits? Rather than ap...
Why Narcissists Are Fragile Inside | Epi 149
In this episode, Dr. John Ogrodniczuk and I uncover how to tell when narcissism becomes more than just confidence. We explore why some individuals shift between feeling superior and feeling worthless, and what this reveals about a deeper...
Emotional Withdrawal In Relationships: How Do You Break the Pattern | Epi 148
In this episode, we return to our consolidation series and slow down to explore a listener’s intriguing question: Where does a coping mechanism end and dependency on a psychic retreat begin—and how do you step away? We unpack the ...
The Dance Between Codependents and Narcissists: Can Therapy Really Help? | Epi 147
Why are codependents and narcissists drawn to each other — and what keeps them trapped in the same patterns? In this second part of my conversation with Ross Rosenberg, we explore the “dance” between the giver and the taker, why love can...
High Conflict Relationships: Why Nothing Changes (And How To Fix It) | Epi 146
In this episode, we take a deeper look at what happens after conflict escalates and breaks down in high-conflict relationships. We move beyond managing the moment and focus on what it means to return after a rupture—how to repair ...
What Triggers Narcissistic Rage? The Hidden Role of Narcissistic Injury | Epi 145
In this episode, I sit down with Ross Rosenberg to explore narcissistic injury, projection, and the deeper psychological forces behind narcissistic rage. Ross explains the roots of narcissistic rage, showing how it stems from a narcissistic inj...
What to Do When a High Conflict Relationship Spirals Out of Control | Epi 144
In this episode - part 2 of 3 - we get into what to do in the exact moment a conflict starts to spiral out of control. When things escalate fast—name-calling, defensiveness, shutting down—it can feel like you’ve already lost control of the inte...
How to Heal from a Destructive Narcissistic Relationship | Epi 143
In another part of my conversation with Dan Neuharth, we move from theory into the clinical room. Using a real case example, we unpack what the actual healing process looks like when someone is caught in regression, anger, and the victim...
High Conflict Relationships: Why Arguments Escalate So Quickly | Epi 142
Why do some arguments escalate so quickly—and never seem to resolve? In Part 1 of this three-part series, we break down the hidden psychological dynamics driving high-conflict relationships, and why what you’re arguing about is often not the re...
How to Heal from a Destructive Narcissistic Relationship | Epi 141
In this episode, we’re joined by Dan Neuharth, author of If You Had Controlling Parents and How to Heal From Destructive Narcissistic Parents. Together, we explore what truly has to shift internally for someone to heal ...
Healing from Covert Narcissistic Parenting: Guilt and Breaking the Invisible Loyalty | Epi 140
In this episode, I share another clip from my conversation on Trusting After Trauma: Redefining Relationships After Parental Narcissistic Abuse, hosted by Pi Venus Winslow. In this segment, we explore why separating from a cover...
Surviving Covert Narcistic Parenting: When the Parent Is There, But Not There | Epi 139
In this episode, I share a clip from my conversation on Trusting After Trauma: Redefining Relationships After Parental Narcissistic Abuse, hosted by Pi Venus Winslow. In this segment, we explore the complexities of covert narcissism an...
Borderline Personality and the Fear of Abandonment: What Most People Miss | Epi 138
In this episode, we take a deeper look at a common misunderstanding about borderline personality organization: that the core struggle is simply a fear of abandonment. Drawing on the work of psychoanalyst Herbert Rey and his powerful metaphor of...
Why Do I Feel Safer Expecting Disappointment? | Consolidation Epi 137
This is another consolidation episode based on clinical work with a patient who recognized that he organizes his relationships around anticipated disappointment. When things are going well, he becomes anxious and uneasy, almost waiting f...
Why Does the Narcissist Feel Emotionally Unreachable- Shut Down? | Epi 136
Have you ever been with someone who seems present, even engaged, yet remains strangely out of reach? Or have you noticed yourself pulling back into a private inner world when closeness starts to feel too intense?Using John Steiner’s conc...
Why Do People Admit to Secrets but Keep Doing the Behavior? Consolidation Series | Epi 135
In this episode — the third in our new Consolidation Series — I respond directly to a listener’s question about secrets and confession. What actually happens psychologically when someone admits to a hidden life — an affair, pornography, ...
Why Anger Feels Dangerous After Growing Up with a Covert Narcissistic Parent | Epi 134
In this episode, we turn to what often emerges when confusion finally begins to lift - anger at the covert narcissistic parent! For many people who grew up with a covert narcissistic parent, anger doesn’t feel empowering—it feels dan...
Covert Narcissism Explained: Why Validation Feels Like Survival -Consolidation | Epi 133
In this episode — the first in a new “Consolidation Series” — I begin responding directly to your questions and thoughtful observations.If everyone wants to feel understood, what makes the need for validation and recognition narci...
Why Talking to a Covert Narcissistic Parent Leaves You Feeling Unsettled | Epi 132
In this episode, Part 1 of a 2 part series, we slow things down and look closely at the subtle moments that leave you feeling unsettled after talking to a covert narcissistic parent—even when nothing “bad” was said. Through a single, ordinary i...
Why Healing Borderline Attachment Feels Painful - Behind the Scenes | Epi 131
Why does healing sometimes feel worse than staying in emotional chaos? In this episode, we explore borderline attachment from a psychodynamic perspective, focusing on why calm, stability, and “getting better” can feel empty, painful, or even de...
The Cost of Carrying Secrets Alone: Shame, Splitting, and the Narcissistic Psyche Part 2 | Epi 130
In this episode we continue our discussion of secrets as we explore what they protect psychologically—and what they quietly destroy. Through a psychodynamic lens, this episode examines how secrets form around shame, how they split the self into...
Borderline Relating vs Narcissistic Fortresses: Behind the Scenes | Epi 129
In this episode, we explore another way of thinking about borderline organization. We look at a provocative idea: that borderline intensity and narcissistic control aren’t opposites, but two different solutions to the same early relational disr...
