.jpg)
The Narcissism Decoder
The Narcissism Decoder is a podcast dedicated to exploring the many dimensions of narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. Each episode unpacks the intricate factors and behaviors that shape narcissistic traits, offering a deeper understanding of what lies beneath the surface.
Together, we navigate the tools and strategies essential for recognizing, understanding, and effectively engaging with narcissistic individuals. With a blend of compassionate insight, expert guidance, and compelling stories, this podcast aims to transform the way you perceive and approach narcissism.
Subscribe now to ensure you don't miss a single episode of this transformative journey.
Episodes
144 episodes
Surviving Covert Narcistic Parenting: When the Parent Is There, But Not There | Epi 139
In this episode, I share a clip from my conversation on Trusting After Trauma: Redefining Relationships After Parental Narcissistic Abuse, hosted by Pi Venus Winslow. In this segment, we explore the complexities of covert narcissism an...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 139
•
16:35
Borderline Personality and the Fear of Abandonment: What Most People Miss | Epi 138
In this episode, we take a deeper look at a common misunderstanding about borderline personality organization: that the core struggle is simply a fear of abandonment. Drawing on the work of psychoanalyst Herbert Rey and his powerful metaphor of...
•
Season 3
•
19:05
Why Do I Feel Safer Expecting Disappointment? | Consolidation Epi 137
This is another consolidation episode based on clinical work with a patient who recognized that he organizes his relationships around anticipated disappointment. When things are going well, he becomes anxious and uneasy, almost waiting f...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 137
•
25:31
Why Does the Narcissist Feel Emotionally Unreachable- Shut Down? | Epi 136
Have you ever been with someone who seems present, even engaged, yet remains strangely out of reach? Or have you noticed yourself pulling back into a private inner world when closeness starts to feel too intense?Using John Steiner’s conc...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 136
•
20:00
Why Do People Admit to Secrets but Keep Doing the Behavior? Consolidation Series | Epi 135
In this episode — the third in our new Consolidation Series — I respond directly to a listener’s question about secrets and confession. What actually happens psychologically when someone admits to a hidden life — an affair, pornography, ...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 135
•
18:35
Why Anger Feels Dangerous After Growing Up with a Covert Narcissistic Parent | Epi 134
In this episode, we turn to what often emerges when confusion finally begins to lift - anger at the covert narcissistic parent! For many people who grew up with a covert narcissistic parent, anger doesn’t feel empowering—it feels dan...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 134
•
29:35
Covert Narcissism Explained: Why Validation Feels Like Survival -Consolidation | Epi 133
In this episode — the first in a new “Consolidation Series” — I begin responding directly to your questions and thoughtful observations.If everyone wants to feel understood, what makes the need for validation and recognition narci...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 133
•
14:18
Why Talking to a Covert Narcissistic Parent Leaves You Feeling Unsettled | Epi 132
In this episode, Part 1 of a 2 part series, we slow things down and look closely at the subtle moments that leave you feeling unsettled after talking to a covert narcissistic parent—even when nothing “bad” was said. Through a single, ordinary i...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 132
•
27:47
Why Healing Borderline Attachment Feels Painful - Behind the Scenes | Epi 131
Why does healing sometimes feel worse than staying in emotional chaos? In this episode, we explore borderline attachment from a psychodynamic perspective, focusing on why calm, stability, and “getting better” can feel empty, painful, or even de...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 131
•
26:38
The Cost of Carrying Secrets Alone: Shame, Splitting, and the Narcissistic Psyche Part 2 | Epi 130
In this episode we continue our discussion of secrets as we explore what they protect psychologically—and what they quietly destroy. Through a psychodynamic lens, this episode examines how secrets form around shame, how they split the self into...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 129
•
22:19
Borderline Relating vs Narcissistic Fortresses: Behind the Scenes | Epi 129
In this episode, we explore another way of thinking about borderline organization. We look at a provocative idea: that borderline intensity and narcissistic control aren’t opposites, but two different solutions to the same early relational disr...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 129
•
26:53
Why Narcissists Lie and Keep Secrets: Shame and the False Self- part 1 | Epi 128
In this episode, we explore why secrecy in narcissism isn’t primarily about manipulation or control, but about survival. We look at how shame, fear of exposure, and the need to protect a fragile false self drive lying and concealment — and why ...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 128
•
19:07
Narcissistic vs. Borderline Rage: What’s the Real Difference? | Epi 127
In this behind-the-scenes episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic and borderline personalities, focusing on the inner emotional worlds of these individuals. Key concepts are reviewed, and then we turn our focus to the difference...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 127
•
29:04
Why Arguing With a Narcissist Never Works - and What Helps | Epi 126
In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I meet up again on his channel to explore what actually creates movement in narcissistic relationships—especially when traditional approaches like arguing, explaining, or “proving your point” only seem to...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 126
•
27:25
Borderline vs Narcissistic Personality: Behind the Scenes | Epi 125
In this behind-the-scenes episode, I take you inside my clinical thinking as I explore how the same behaviors—withdrawal, silence, or disengagement—can signal very different dynamics in narcissistic versus borderline personality organization. Y...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 125
•
26:26
Are You Losing Yourself in a Narcissistic Relationship? What It Really Means |Epi 124
In this conversation, Gordon Brewer and I delve into the complexities of narcissistic dynamics in relationships. We explore how these dynamics manifest, the power imbalances involved, and the challenges faced by partners in such relationships. ...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 124
•
31:13
Why Relationships Feel So Intense with Borderline Traits: Behind the Scenes | Epi 123
In this behind-the-scenes episode, I take you inside my clinical thinking as I explore what actually drives borderline emotional dysregulation. We look at how failures in internal holding and object constancy lead to external regulation through...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 123
•
25:26
Was Any of It Real? Untangling the Illusion After Narcissistic Abuse | Epi 122
In this episode, we go deep into the psychological aftermath of narcissistic abuse—where idealization turns into confusion, connection becomes captivity, and the question “Was any of it real?” becomes a crisis of identi...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 122
•
25:08
What does BPD mean? How Do I Know if Someone is Borderline? Behind the Scenes | Epi 119
In this behind-the-scenes episode, we explore what “borderline” really means beneath the chaos — diving into object constancy, the fragile inner world shaped by early deprivation, and why emotions can flip so fast. I walk you through how these ...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 119
•
25:11
How I Fell for a Narcissist When I Was Most Vulnerable| Epi 120
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Kerry McAvoy—clinician, author, and survivor of a deeply deceptive narcissistic relationship. She takes us inside the psychological pull that kept her bonded to someone who mirrored her idealized longings wh...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 120
•
32:16
Understanding Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Dynamics - Behind the Scenes | Epi 121
In this episode, I take you behind the scenes as I prepare for the class I teach on personality dynamics. Instead of a polished lecture, you’ll hear my real-time thinking — how borderline and narcissistic patterns overlap, where they diverge, a...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 121
•
25:08
Why do I Get Defensive -When Given Feedback? |Epi 118
Why does even gentle feedback feel like an attack? In this episode, we explore how the mind turns ordinary feedback into a perceived assault — and why that reaction exists for a reason. Narcissistic defensiveness isn’t just about arr...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 118
•
28:27
Living with Narcissism: Why You Can’t Stop Reacting to Criticism or Control | Epi 117
Have you ever cared deeply for someone who constantly leaves you feeling smaller, unseen, or blamed? In this interview with John Cordray, we look beneath the surface of those relationships — into the emotional patterns that fuel narcissistic dy...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 116
•
33:38
Narcissism and the Holidays: Why Do I Feel Forced and Unsafe? |Epi 116
In this episode, we’re going to pull back the curtain on what actually happens inside you during the holidays — not the surface-level stress you blame, but the internal shifts you feel. We’re going to explore why the season disrupts your psycho...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 116
•
21:55
Is the Narcissist a Parasite — or Something Deeper? The Hidden Dynamics of Covert Narcissism | Epi 115
In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I share a compelling clip from my conversation with Dr. Kerry, host of Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse. We explore the complex dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their ch...
•
Season 3
•
Episode 115
•
15:36
