Cut The Noise | Wellness Simplified

034. Overcoming Self-Doubt

• Ben & Lindsay Hack • Season 1 • Episode 34

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🤔 Have you ever felt overwhelmed by self-doubt on your path to better health? 

Join Ben and Lindsay as they tackle the mental hurdles in fitness and wellness. Learn practical strategies to build confidence, shift from perfectionism to progress, and celebrate small wins. Using examples from various fitness goals, they'll show you how to apply these powerful mindset tools to your unique journey.

🎙️Tune in to "Cut the Noise, Wellness Simplified" and take the first step towards a more confident, healthier you.

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Ben:

All right, we're off Lindsay.

Lindsay:

Welcome to episode number 34,. Cut the Noise, wellness Simplified. I am Lindsay and, as always, I am Ben. And we're here for another fabulous episode with you, guys.

Ben:

A fabulous episode, a fabulous. That's bold. Don't people get to decide if everyone else is fabulous?

Lindsay:

No, I think it's fabulous, because this is actually something both Ben and I are struggling with at the moment.

Ben:

Wait a second. I didn't know you were struggling with this.

Lindsay:

Yes, I am, and if you would, let me tell you.

Ben:

But you just let me talk about me and just listen so well that I didn't realize you're struggling.

Lindsay:

Well, I am, so let's talk about it, okay. So what are we? We're talking a little bit about today self-doubt, nagging, little annoying voice that's in our head, the chatter, the chatter that tells us that we're not doing enough. We're not good enough. What we're doing currently maybe not hitting our expectations, and it's time to talk about why it happens and how to bloody shut it up. Do we shut it up? No, never, and that's something we will talk about. But we can quiet it we? No, never, and that's something we will talk about, but we can quiet it. We can quiet it, and I'm hoping today's episode will not just resonate with you, but it will also help Ben and I work through our own bullshit.

Ben:

Is this like an online therapy session? It is.

Lindsay:

Let's do online therapy. Guys, buckle up, let's go. So let's so so I have self doubt that this is a good idea, so so let's talk a little bit about how this came up in the first place well how it came up for me in the first place.

Ben:

We obviously, lindsay and I, talk about uh, what, what topics we're going to discuss, and we kind of have an ongoing idea of what that will be like, and sometimes we just push that to the side and there's just something that's come up that's so strong in that particular week that we go ahead with that right. And and that's the case today I was sat, I dropped the kids off at school and I was sat having a coffee afterwards and I just had this nagging feeling and I was like what is that? Like just this sense that something was off Right, and then I kind of tuned into that voice and that chatter and that self-doubt and I realized it's Monday when we're actually recording this.

Ben:

And self-doubt and I realized it's Monday when we're actually recording this and in seven days time I'm racing the Aguas Calientes marathon.

Lindsay:

No, in seven days time you'll be finished because it's Monday.

Ben:

Your race is on Sunday, so you are less than a week away from your marathon okay, so I have even more stuff, but the idea being is it's Monday and I race on the Sunday, so we're in week of marathon time right now, right, and to give you a rough idea of kind of what that means is over the last couple of weeks my running distance each week has reduced, so I'm doing less running, and the idea there is simply that it allows my body the time to recover and repair so that I'm fresh for the race on Sunday.

Lindsay:

But what that also comes with is a reduction in the amount of running you do.

Ben:

So it's almost like the confidence level that you have drops and you have more time and you break the routine and then you start to feel like you're losing your fitness.

Lindsay:

And the chatter begins. The chatter begins and interestingly enough enough, in all training plans whether it's marathon, half marathon, doesn't matter they talk about this taper week as prepare yourself. And it's not like ben is not used to this. He's done many a tapers in his lifetime with all kinds of sport. But it it doesn't prepare you completely for the chatter, it's a head thing, it's a mindset thing, it's just.

Ben:

It's just. It's in its own way. It's like I just want to get this going, like I just need to get it going now. But now this next six days is going to be the longest and I have this feeling of I've not done enough.

Lindsay:

Not done enough, I've not trained enough, I'm not prepared enough, I haven't done what I needed to do and bringing this full circle back to anybody listening here is we hear this a lot from our clients. We hear it, obviously, you can hear from ourselves, and it is so common that we really wanted to bring it up, because I think a lot of people really doubt themselves for doubting themselves. Right, I actually think the word you used there might be incorrect Common, common. I actually think normal, oh yeah, normal, that is that's true. So common, so normal is, and we will we'll come back to this in a second but normal is exactly that. You're right, it's not common.

Ben:

Common suggests that some people don't, some I think everybody does to some extent.

Lindsay:

Yeah, and I mean, everybody's extent is different, but it is normal. And so this morning, when you know Ben and I were talking, I was like, well, you know, this is normal during a taper week. You know, you know it's normal, and and so it's not that it's not normal, it's just how do you manage it?

Ben:

and I think the first step is just the awareness. Yes, and I, and I think that's, you know, for me it was just that nagging feeling and, you know, tuning into that Like, for me that's not a state that I stay in often, no, but it is a state that I find myself in occasionally, and this morning I was just sat there just with that, you know, you know when you've left the house and you feel like you might have left the store.

Lindsay:

You forgot something Like you know, when you've left the house and you feel like you might have left the store.

Ben:

You forgot something. You're like what is it that I forgot? Is there a kid at home that I was meant to pick somewhere? What is it? It's just that nagging feeling, it's just that self-doubt that shows up and you know, have I done enough? That was the big thing for me. Have I done enough? And just to be clear, for me it's not necessarily about finishing the marathon, because I've finished marathons a lot of time. I think it's more about am I going to meet my own expectations?

Lindsay:

Your own expectations is a big one. And again, we speak to clients a lot and we see it out online and we talk to different people that oftentimes our own expectations, oftentimes our own expectations, and we say this to the kids a lot right, we don't want them to do well in school, but their own expectations of getting homework done and getting the grades is so much higher than we could ever give them, and I think we as human beings put expectations on ourselves that sometimes can be unrealistic. Now, in your case, I know it's not unrealistic but the expectation of performing in a perfect place gives us this doubt, this self-doubt.

Ben:

And I think it all comes down to that often is our expectations. I mean, we talk about that a lot, but if you have expectations in terms of what you can accomplish that are not realistic, they're too grand then you are always going to feel like you're maybe not where you need to be because you were never starting out in the right position in the first place, and a really good example of this is people come to us and they say they want to lose, you know, 50 pounds in a week and obviously that's an extreme example.

Lindsay:

But the expectation is and I was talking to a client about this the other day in our head. We know that. You know X, y and Z means that the scale might not have gone down this week. But as soon as you step on the scale and you see the number, even though the expectation is there, you feel a certain way.

Ben:

So it's normal, first of all, and it's normal because it's actually a normal part of the growth process, right? So it's almost like a protective mechanism to protect ourselves, and it's not a reflection of our abilities or the work we're putting in.

Lindsay:

So it's just acknowledging that it's normal. It's something that happens to all of us and I think the big thing and we had mentioned about awareness and awareness is so important because these type of self-doubt, this nagging, this kind of idea inside of our brain, it happens in many situations. In this one, ben was talking about his marathon. In mine I'm talking a little bit about my performance. In others it could be at work or just before you have a conversation with a spouse, or you know the nagging that happens. The awareness is key. So you're going to start seeing patterns.

Ben:

Totally, and I think that's where you know, kind of like, we always talk about actionable things that we can do. The first step is awareness, right, so it's actually noticing when that chatter appears yeah, and realizing what it is.

Lindsay:

And it's interesting, you know, ben's evolution of understanding kind of this chatter has come in in multiple ways and one of the things that he used to do was he didn't know what was going on and he didn't understand. You know exactly what it was and oftentimes I'll be well, what's going on? He's like, oh, I don't know, and it takes quite some time to figure that out. But that's the learning that you guys can take away from this is that you know, if you're in a situation where you're thinking about something and that chatter starts happening, what was the trigger? What started it? You know it may not be a taper week, but what was it that caused it?

Ben:

Right. So building that awareness and actually think back God like. Think back God like unaddressed chatter that goes on for days and weeks is just a nightmare. It takes you places where you just don't want to find yourself. So if you don't get anything from this today at all, if you can intercept the chatter and at least understand where it's coming from you stand. That's the first step in actually being able to make change.

Lindsay:

It's huge, it is so big. And so when I'm working with my coaching clients, for example, we sit down and we start collecting different times, Like when change happens. If somebody was mean to you, you know if somebody challenges you, you know when you're with your spouse, when you're with your kids, and we actually write things down and we say, okay, when does the chatter come out? Never, sometimes, or always. And that's a really good way to start, because you know, for me, when change happens in my life, I always say I'm a changeaholic, I actually don't care about change, so for me it never comes out, but for somebody else it always comes out. So we're all very different on when this chatter happens.

Ben:

Right. So, like the step two is like we identify it, we've talked about it, but then we actually need to reframe and challenge that chatter and I'm thinking about it like asking the question. So for me it's almost a case of is this thought valid, based on fact or fear?

Lindsay:

Yeah, real life.

Ben:

Like okay. So I asked myself the question what evidence do I have, right? Well, I've never run further than I have in 2024. I'm over 2,100 kilometers.

Lindsay:

Yeah, never run further.

Ben:

I've never run so consistently.

Lindsay:

Yeah, so it's basically bullshit, so just putting it out there. Guys, we're calling Bet on his bullshit, but here's the thing, that's the point.

Ben:

But it's normal.

Lindsay:

We have to call ourselves on it, and so being aware is the first thing. Right Then, as we said earlier, you're not going to turn it off. It is not a mechanism that gets turned on and off. It is a mechanism that you can turn up down quiet, louder, and that's how we started.

Ben:

So I guess you know. Another thing that we can think about is we've got to shift the focus from what has been done. Right, a shitload of running.

Lindsay:

Yep.

Ben:

Versus what hasn't been accomplished. Yeah Right, we're reframing it. We're actually looking at the evidence.

Lindsay:

Yeah, and I think this is a really important thing, because you know, ben and I were talking just before we pressed play on this and just before we press play on this, and you know, um, clients for sure, but people everywhere. We always know we go to the negative right and oftentimes we don't focus on some of the positives. So, for example, for my own experience, what I was struggling with today is I did a workout. It was really hard. I'm doing this new program. I'm seeing amazing results. It's not like I'm doubting those things, but when I couldn't do the one weight that I was thinking I wanted to do, of course my head's thought is that I'm not doing enough, I'm not strong enough, I can't do this, and so, again, it's not turning around and saying that's true, but going back to the evidence have I been building? How have I been progressing? Has my weight gotten more?

Ben:

yes, yes and yes so the small wins right. So, like you're showing up perfect, you're sticking to your workouts, perfect and you are lifting more than you actually have lifted right, and so I'm calling you out on your bullshit exactly so.

Lindsay:

This is the thing. So the evidence states that in both of our cases, and probably yours, that the things that you are getting that nagging feeling, that self-doubt for is not as severe as we think now they're. Obviously, if you are struggling a little bit getting your workouts in or consistently eating well, or whatever the self-doubt does come, I understand that, but it also is looking at like we always come back to that consistency. If you're doing the work, even if it's not 100%, which we've said is not realistic you are going to see results so basically, it's step three essentially, which is we focus on the progress that we've made.

Lindsay:

Yeah, progress over perfection, and we will hear ben and I say this a thousand million, gazillion times. That's how big the number is, but it is so true, and it doesn't have to be perfect right.

Ben:

so you look at the, the actual goals that you're working towards, and you're looking at how you're showing up towards those goals. So you basically take it back to the facts, right? So, bearing in mind, I'm going to say this and you can deal with this.

Lindsay:

however, you want. It's like a bomb, that's just like you deal.

Ben:

Okay, let's go the reality is the self-doubt could actually be justified.

Lindsay:

Oh, I was going to say the self-doubt absolutely could be justified. So that's why we go back to the evidence, right? So the self, the self-doubt comes out, the nagging comes out in our brain, okay, so in ben's case and in my case, in this certain circumstances, both of us can look at our evidence and be like no, actually we're doing a really good job, we're doing the best we can with what we got. There might be a time where you come back to the evidence and you're like, oh shit, it's interesting because sometimes, you know this is a very, very big oversimplification.

Ben:

But you know, when we feel anxious about something, there's a sense of anxiety, it's, it's the awareness that we're not doing not doing it.

Lindsay:

Yes, not doing it and actually that self-doubt or anxiety is to be debated yeah, and I think you know, and again, very normal, that's not unknown, that's not unusual, but it actually a good thing.

Ben:

We don't necessarily like feeling like that when it comes to anxiety, the lack of work. Right, I mean, if we have anxiety for the lack of results and then we identify that that anxiety is also tied to the lack of work, totally, then actually it's a useful tool, even if we don't like it.

Lindsay:

Even if we don't like it, but it's a tool to show, okay, well, what's missing. I have a client right now who's really struggling to get her workouts in and you know, she keeps coming back to me and she's like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. First of all, never be sorry to me, it's not about me. Second of all, it's like okay, well, let's pull that back a little bit. We use it so that we can tweak, change, move and do whatever we need to do.

Ben:

Right, and that's why measurement is key. I mean, we often talk about measurement in terms of tracking to see progress, but in a moment like this, using my example, I can flip over in the last six months of my run workouts. I can look at all of the kilometers that I've run. I can look at the fact I've ran five or six times a week for the last five or six months. Right, I can look at the kilometers covered on average per week.

Ben:

The numbers don't lie, so basically the progress journal says to me. It's saying well, look at all of the body of evidence. Right, so tracking is a good tool for looking in the rearview mirror as well.

Lindsay:

Absolutely. And so in Ben's case, he's basically we're, we're quieting the nag and we're saying you know what you're doing, fine, this week is going to feel hard, but you know what you can do. And he's like, oh, maybe I'll just go for. I'm like, no, you're not going to go for a run that weight to be healthy. And let's say, you have a really bad weekend and I mean bad, quote-unquote being you ate a lot of things, just oftentimes not necessarily in line with what your goals are.

Lindsay:

Oftentimes we try to course correct okay, I'm not gonna eat anything on monday. I've heard that many times. Or, oh my gosh, I'm gonna just start eating keto on monday because I had such a bad weekend. That doesn't help. And so Ben saying I'm going to go for a run on Thursday when it's not in his plan. That doesn't help. It makes us feel like we're in a bit more control. But it's actually not true and ultimately, in his case it could harm and in our case it could harm. So we always have to be aware of that.

Ben:

But I have a deadline on mine, whereas if you don't and it's an ongoing journey we need to look at things we can control through consistent action and practice Right. So we look at what we've done and then we commit to the things that we need to do.

Lindsay:

Right, and it's interesting. So Ben is a very, very big tracker when it comes to his running. He knows how many kilometers he is, et cetera, et cetera. I am so not that person. I have written which he makes fun of me all the time. A written, Just so we're clear.

Ben:

It's on a piece of stone with a chisel.

Lindsay:

No, it's not, but I have a written calendar that I write all my things on, and when I'm done, I do a checkmark, right. So whether it's my workouts or my food or whatever, so I can still go back and flip through it.

Ben:

I'm just going to pause this for a moment. Off topic for a moment. Here we go. Lindsey, literally, will do something. Realize it's not on her list. Write it on her list, just so she can scratch it out and just so we're very clear.

Lindsay:

I've spoken to thousands of women who do the same thing, so you're with me, please. Please, send me a message and tell me you're with me. It's because to-do lists are awesome, but you have to make sure all the things are on them anyways. Ignoring him for a second he hates my paper I use it.

Lindsay:

You should use an electronic calendar as well, which is confusing I know, but this I like to look and see and see the check marks. So, anyways, this is super important because even though I can't go back and you know, check for the weights I used or the statistics I did or anything like that, I still do track things. I felt like a dick. No, I'm trying to explain to people that if you're not analysis, paralysis per se actually that's not true, you're just very analysis, like there are certain you know apps that we use and he's like, oh, you should get this, it's so cool. Look at all these things and I'm like not too much for me, I'm not interested. So I'm just explaining that the people like you will love that and the people like me will still love my tracking, which is a checkmark.

Ben:

Well, so to be fair bringing it back to what we're talking about is like Lindsay can look back at all of her old sheets that she has and she can look at the work that she's done, so that's actually reviewing. Okay, going back to what we were saying about, is this is this True or false?

Lindsay:

Right, so back to the evidence. You've got the evidence.

Ben:

Yes, I mean you have to track in some way.

Lindsay:

Yes, I do and, interesting enough, I had a client just recently talk to me about our app. So, for those of you who don't know, we have an app program that basically gives you daily tasks and certain people in our app program coaching program have 20, 30 daily tasks in there. Other people have one or two it tasks and other people have one or two. It just depends on the person. But she was depends on who they are. Yeah, but she was asking a question about like, well, you know, was I doing enough? Do I feel like I'm doing enough? Kind of like this nagging, you know, kind of self-doubt, and I was able to go into the app and look at her last two months worth of work. No-transcript.

Ben:

I think that when somebody, often a client, will come to me and say am I doing enough?

Lindsay:

Right.

Ben:

Could I be doing? More Right, there's nothing negative about that because, in actual fact, sometimes when somebody has that feeling, it's because they actually want to do more they could be doing more. In other words, the things that they've been focused on are becoming more kind of routine, right and more automatic, and therefore they feel like they have the capacity to maybe bring something else in and say, okay, now I can start to focus on this as well as the things that I've been doing, which are a bit more second nature totally so it's actually it's a good thing, can be a really positive, productive thing as well.

Ben:

right, the things that I've been doing which are a bit more second nature. Totally so it's actually it's a good thing. It can be a really positive, productive thing as well.

Lindsay:

Right, it's not necessarily a bad thing. No, it's not. I just I think, in the situation of when we're talking about having that self-doubt and nagging, am I doing enough? Being able to go back and look at whatever, gone back to his information and was like, yeah, you haven't done enough, running which never would have happened, but it would be an opportunity to look at.

Lindsay:

So, in anybody's case, if you end up, you know, assessing yourself, starting to track what's happening, and then you're realizing that you get very anxious or very, you know, naggy, you know inner critic kind of thing, only when you're dealing with your kid's teacher, that gives you an opportunity to explore why, what do I need to do? How can I change that? And so that's why we really love the awareness piece. First, because we say this for everything If you don't know what you're eating, eating, how do you know how to improve it? If you don't know how you're moving, how do you know what, what you need to do to move forward, if you don't know? That's the assessment piece. So, first for everything, takeaway, as always, is assessment and then move from there I'm just realizing something as we talk here.

Ben:

It's kind of coming to the surface. There's definitely self doubt and chatter there, but you know, I do know I've done the work exactly so from that perspective, you know, I can look at all of those things that we're talking about from my own personal experience and say you know what?

Lindsay:

I've done everything I can I've done my best right, and that really is all I could have done right.

Ben:

there's some things I don't want to say right now because I don't want to tempt them, but I I've not been injured and I haven't been sick during this training cycle, oh shit.

Lindsay:

Yeah, that was terrible.

Ben:

But before we move on, I think also I'm identifying a little bit of fear.

Lindsay:

In how hard it's going to be. I can see your face Like the pain and the discomfort and just that suffering.

Ben:

It's just hard and I know you might be listening saying why the hell do you do this to yourself?

Lindsay:

Because Ben likes to suffer. That's a whole other topic Suffering reveals who I am to myself.

Ben:

It's like revealing my character.

Lindsay:

Yeah, but we can do hard things. Maybe that should be another episode we can, but I do have a little bit of fear, of just the discomfort as well, to be fair, that's fair. That's fair. And again, if you're not doing a marathon like the most of us sitting here listening, this applies to everything and obviously we just gave you some examples. Whether it's workouts or the plan that I'm following, whether it's doing what you can, do To be fair, like a lot of these things we talk about.

Ben:

We could be talking about progressing in your career. We could be talking about financials yeah financials. Oh yeah, self-doubt, am I raising my kids am?

Lindsay:

I like all of these, yeah, so again it's like one of these things.

Ben:

I think that health and fitness is is such a good um marker for life. Oh, totally, it's kind of like sports is the same sports. I mean, you don't have to be in sports to appreciate that. It's kind of like a metaphor for life in some respects, and I think working on your health and fitness is much like am I a good enough parent?

Lindsay:

right. Well, and I you know what I do with a lot of my clients is they're business owners, so the business mindset of you know tracking and doing and working and it's exactly the same, and so it's it is. You know everything that we talk about when it comes to health and fitness and working, and it's exactly the same, and so it's it is. You know everything that we talk about when it comes to health and fitness, and your own health journey can be translated to pretty much anything right.

Ben:

So when we think about, like the points that we've covered as a recap, right awareness is key, right Recognizing that is how I am feeling. Yes, recognizing reframing, recognizing that it's normal normal and reframing it, you know, reconnecting with the action that you've taken and the evidence that you have, looking at the small steps that you've taken along the way and then really looking at celebrating those small wins that you'll identify. Now, the alternate to that is obviously that you could, through that process of reconnecting with the actions you've taken.

Lindsay:

Is find out. You've got to do more, got to change up and you know that you are doing more, and that's okay too. And that's the thing you have to remember, right when we come back to this progression over perfection, is that when you do this type of assessment, it's okay. It's okay. You just need to make sure you do some tweaking, changing whatever, to move forward towards your goal.

Ben:

Right, the aspects here that we work with clients a lot. I mean we work with them one-on-one or in our coaching programs, because, again, we always talk about people think that you need to work on working out more, which of course you do. You need to work on eating healthier, which of course you do, but really the foundation for that is that mindset piece and, in this particular case, actually identifying the root of that self-doubt and then taking action on that, because the action that flows from this is often well, I'll be more consistent with my working out right and I'll be more consistent with my eating and I'll be more forgiving when I'm not perfect, because we are just looking for progress, and progress means the person we're competing against is the person that we were yesterday you versus you, not the person we're competing against is the person that we were yesterday.

Ben:

You versus you and not the person we want to be in two years time, right, right. So it's like just are we moving forward, no matter how small it is?

Lindsay:

Yeah, no, and I think this is a perfect spot to wrap it up, and we hope that you have some takeaways and you can put some action items into play and know that the next time you feel that nagging, doubting, anxious.

Ben:

First of all, you know you're not alone.

Lindsay:

You're not alone. We're with you along the way. But also remember, assess first, see what it's all about and then, if you need to make some changes or if you need to look at the evidence to say that you are doing what you need to be doing, then do that. And, of course, if you need more support, you can reach out to either Ben or I, because we're here to help you.

Ben:

Yeah, yep, I think that says a lot.

Lindsay:

All right, well, until next week, as always, and maybe next week Ben can give a little recap over his marathon experience, because I'm sure at this point people are invested in the story of self-dealt Ben.

Ben:

That feels like an increase in my fear right now.

Lindsay:

Perfect, excellent.

Ben:

Awesome guys. We will see you next week.

Lindsay:

Till next week. Bye.

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Ben Hack

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Lindsay Hack

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