Discount Storytime
Each week brings you a stand-alone humorous short story for grown-ups. Every story is handcrafted for your enjoyment. We take care to ensure engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue are carefully edited out.
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Discount Storytime
Horror Killer Killer
Step into the eerie world of Discount Storytime's first annual Halloween SpookyCast, where history and horror collide in a time-bending adventure! What happens when a time machine tweaks the tales of terror from classic horror films of the 70s and 80s? Professor Theodos Crumblesquat, the brilliant mind behind the time-traveling marvel, joins us for a wild ride through iconic moments of horror history. From a sinister pub in Yorkshire to the infamous Bates High School Prom, and even an encounter in Springwood, Ohio, we explore the chaotic consequences of altering the past. Strap in for a rollercoaster of suspense and laughter as we toy with the delicate dance of time and fiction.
Movie Spoilers: American Werewolf in London (1981), Carrie (1976), The Fly (1986), Friday the 13th (1980) ,Halloween (1978), Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Pet Sematary (1989)
Content Warning for profanity.
Music and Sound Effects:
"Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
"Little Toy House" by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay
"Halloween (Surfing with Spooks)" by AlexGrohl from Pixabay
"Camera Flash" sound effect by Sound Effect by Štefan Baša from Pixabay
All other sound effects by Pixabay
"Send a text or Challenge Question Answer"
Contact information:
email: mail@discountstorytime
Facebook: @discountstorytime
Youtube: @discountstorytime
Tiktok: @discountstorytime
Or click the link in the show notes to send a message.
Thanks!
Welcome to episode 25 of Discount Storytime. This week's story is Horror, killer, killer, our first spooky Halloween podcast. Our sponsor for today is the Po-8 Ball. Fun and tears for everybody. Enjoy Fun and tears for everybody. Enjoy Introducing the POEi Ball, a raven-colored ball that you ask a question, shake and it tells you an answer. Prepare for long lonely hours and hours and hours and hours of fun for children and adults. I got in trouble for drawing on the wall. Will mommy and daddy still love me? Never more! Will I pass my exams? exams
Speaker 1:Never more! Will I have enough money to buy my own house or car one day? Never more! Will I meet the love of lif
Speaker 2:Never more.
Speaker 1:Do people at least like being around me? Will any of my dreams come true? Can I expect anything fun or exciting in my life? NThat's the Poet Ball, now available at Toys of Mystery and Imagination, located in the Caveat Emptorium Shopping Center near the West gate by Taco Latte.
Speaker 1:Warning: Multiple spoilers for horror movies of the 70s and 80s. I've included a list of movies in the show notes in case you haven't gotten around to seeing any of these. I'm not going to announce spoilers for these or smaller, lesser-known films, like I'm not going to tell you that it turns out the mother is the demon in Fish Cult or that the vampires run City Hall and Toothblade. I would not do that. Also, just realize some of the events and dates used in this story do not correlate with a particular movie's exact chronology. So this is discount story time after all. So I ask you to just go with it and have fun. And now on to our show.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Discount Storytime's first annual Halloween SpookyCast. As a celebration of this momentous event, we have a special guest joining us today. Hello Professor Theodus Crumblesquat, who has invented the get this a time machine. Welcome, professor. Thank you for having me on your show. Are we ready to time travel so soon. Don't you want a whole rambling monologue about how you built this time machine or how it works, or the dangers of time travel? Blah, blah, blah. Let's get a time traveling. Okie dokie. Where or when are we going? First, let's start at a pub in Yorkshire 1981, shall we? That sounds delightful.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Slaughtered Lamb. What'll you be having?
Speaker 1:Is that your best English accent?
Speaker 2:It is for this show's budget, Cor blimey or what such.
Speaker 1:Well, I'd like a pint of no time. Here's a lot of money. Tonight you will have two young American students come in. Don't let them leave. This is enough for their dinner drinks and a good, safe night's sleep at the inn, until after the full moon.
Speaker 1:Blimey, their names are David Kessler and Jack Goodman. Got it. Until after the full moon. Cor blimey, their names are David Kessler and Jack Goodman. Got it, why? And there's plenty of money left over for you as well. Got it, whoa?
Speaker 2:That is a stack of bills. All right, Got it. Two American students Set them up and keep them safe through the full moon.
Speaker 1:How did you? Gotta go Bye! my pint? Where are we now? Is this a school gym, more like? When are we and where? Friday, may 25th 1979. Bates High School. Help me with this ladder, okay, but what are you doing? What's in that bucket? Oh, just replacing something here. Take this bucket from the rafters, but be careful. From the rafters, but be careful. Ew, it's blood, pig's blood to be exact. And there Now the bucket on the rafters is filled with confetti. And to explain, this is 1968, springwood, ohio. Why Help me find the police officer? One should be nearby. Oh, over there. Excuse me, excuse me, officer. Yes, how can I? No time, have you looked at the search warrant for Mr Kruger?
Speaker 2:Hey, how did you know about that?
Speaker 1:Take a close look. It's not properly signed.
Speaker 2:Oh, now you just hold on.
Speaker 1:Just look, please.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll be You're right. Why had we messed that up? He could get off on a technicality. How did you know about this?
Speaker 1:go. So where are we going next? Do you like camping? No, me neither. Let's not stay long. That sign says Camp Crystal Lake. Why are we camping? Oh, we're not.
Speaker 1:It's 1957, and we're looking for a particular 11-year-old boy who, excuse me, excuse me, young man, and we're looking for a particular 11-year-old boy who, excuse me, excuse me, young man, are you Jason Voorhees? Uh-huh, well, hi there, little fella, I brought you a present to wear in the water. It's called a life jacket. See here, will you help little Jason get a life jacket? See here, will you help little Jason get this life jacket on while I go have a stern talk with his camp counselors? Yeah, okay, all right, here we go. All right there. And this and the snaps there. There you go, buddy, good job. Hey, cool, 1980s era laboratory.
Speaker 1:Yes, dr Brundle is brilliant, you know. I used parts of his teleportation research to build the time machine. Help with this step stool and we'll unroll this. Oh, okay, why? Just gotta hang this up real quick, then be on our way. Flypaper, exactly, flypaper Is. Is he afraid of flies? No, but he should be afraid, be very afraid, there. I don't understand. Well, this is very scenic. Why am I suddenly hungry for lobster. We're in Maine, ludlow Maine to be precise. I've already done a lot here, but want to follow up and make sure it all worked, what worked. There they are on the porch. Dr Creed is having a beer with Judd F***ing Judd.
Speaker 2:And they drive real fast and well, hello there, neighbor.
Speaker 1:Hello gentlemen, my friend and I were just passing through and I couldn't help overhearing you talk about the dangerously fast trucks.
Speaker 2:Good ears on you. Yes, these trucks race by and they're so dangerous. Would you like a beer?
Speaker 1:Yes, please no. Thank you, aww, I just want you to know I was able to petition the Maine Department of Transportation to have the speed lowered in areas with family homes, and road signs saying to watch for children and pets are being put up. And, dr Creed, let me get this here is the business card of a fencing contractor that can build a safety fence around your house for you with having young ones, and all the estimate on the back of the card seems very reasonable and they can start tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Who are you? My friend.
Speaker 1:Well, judd, just someone who believes in being proactive. Judd Later, judd. Okay, here we are. The year is 1956, haddonfield Pharmacy. We just need to get behind that fellow in line. Um, there, let's get in line. Excuse me, excuse me, sir, sorry to meddle. I think that box of condoms looks damaged.
Speaker 2:Pardon me.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just happened to notice that the box of condoms you're buying appears damaged.
Speaker 2:Oh, uh, yes, yes, oh, dear, I'll go get an undamaged box. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Of course. Have a good day, Mr Myers.
Speaker 2:How did you know my name?
Speaker 1:Okay, let's zip through the rest of these. We did it. Phew, I think we got them all. Give or take a Chucky. So we went through all the horror movies and eliminated the murder killing. Yes, wow, we saved so many lives and eliminated the murder-killing. Yes, wow, we saved so many lives. Heh, heh, is that what you think? Well, yeah, that we did all this to. Uh, heh heh, save lives.
Speaker 1:Well okay, saving lives, saving lives, saving lives. How simple you are. You have such a simple little mind, don't you? What Can you not appreciate the beauty of my plan? No more horror villains means Wait, wait. No, you didn't, I didn't, we did. We eliminated all horror movies.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Why, why?
Speaker 1:Do you want to know why? I'll tell you why In one simple word Romantic comedies. What? No more horror movies means more romantic comedies, rom-coms, rom-coms, rom-coms all the time. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. And with so many rom-coms needed to fill the void, the studios will be practically begging for a hunky leading man like me. Ew, a star, a romantic star. I'm ready for my close-up, mrs Director. No, no, what have I? What have I done? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening. I hope you're enjoying this podcast and if you are, please tell a friend, or a few friends, or a whole bunch of friends. I'm terrible at self-promotion, but if you could just put the word out there, I'd really appreciate it. If you want to get in touch with me, you can click the link in the show notes and that will send me a text, as well as the show. Email address is mail at discount story timecom and other links in the show notes to get in touch with me. I hope you have a good week. I hope you have a very happy and safe Halloween and until next time, remember play nice with others, share your Halloween candy and take super duper good care of yourself and, most of all, remember to laugh Bye.
