Discount Storytime
Each week brings you a stand-alone humorous short story for grown-ups. Every story is handcrafted for your enjoyment. We take care to ensure engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue are carefully edited out.
Enjoy!
Discount Storytime
Cycop the Cyclops Cop/Handwashing Day
Join us for an unpredictable ride in this episode of Discount Storytime, featuring "CyCop the Cyclops Cop" and the quirky tale of "Handwashing Day."
Detective Patel and Officer Cyclops find themselves tangled in a web of mystery and humor as they chase down a robber with a suspiciously similar appearance to Officer Cyclops.
In "Handwashing Day" a second grade class learns a new technique to know when they've washed their hands long enough.
Content Warning for profanity.
Music and Sound Effects:
"Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
"Strange Detectives" by Noru from Pixabay
"Going Wacky" Music by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay
Sound Effects by Pixabay
"Send a text or Challenge Question Answer"
Contact information:
email: mail@discountstorytime
Facebook: @discountstorytime
Youtube: @discountstorytime
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Or click the link in the show notes to send a message.
Thanks!
Welcome to episode 26 of Discount Storytime. Today's stories are Psycop the Cyclops Cop and Handwashing Day. Enjoy Psycop the Cyclops Cop.
Speaker 2:All units. Ongoing robbery at Wellsworth Jewelers. I repeat ongoing robbery at Wellsworth Jewelers, all units. Please respond.
Speaker 1:Mr Wellsworth, we got the report of your jewelry store being robbed. Did that just happen? Yes, this is the beginning of the sketch, isn't it? Indeed, are you okay? Were you harmed? No, I'm okay. Shook up, but okay, the robber didn't hurt me, but he took everything, every piece of jewelry and stock First. I'm glad that you're okay. Jewelry can be replaced, people can't. You're right, thank you, I'm sorry You're. You're Sorry, detective Patel. I've been chasing after this elusive jewelry store robber for years and I think I'm getting close to catching the scoundrel. Is it okay if I ask you a few questions about what happened?
Speaker 2:Yes, of course, anything I can do to help.
Speaker 1:Thank you. I want to get as much information as I can while it's still fresh in your mind, so please feel free to tell me everything. No detail is too small. Okay Well, business was slow this morning, so I was working on inventory. Then it was around noon and I went to the back to eat my lunch. I heard the door chime and came out to see who it was. And there he was, the robber. Yes, what did he look like? He was tall, very tall and muscular build. I couldn't tell much more because he wore all black and had a ski mask on. Oh, oh oh, this was odd, I thought. Instead of two eye holes on either side, there was one large eye hole in the middle. Now, I thought that was odd. Yes, that fits the description others have given us. What did he do then? He had a large sack and told me to put all the jewelry into it. He had a gun, but it wasn't out or pointed at me or anything.
Speaker 1:He just pointed at his holster on his hip and said I have a gun, Do what I say and you won't get hurt. Do you know what type of gun it was? No, I'm sorry. I don't know much about guns but it did look exactly like the ones you and the other police officers here are wearing. Interesting Thank you. Did he happen to?
Speaker 3:Sorry I'm late. I was at lunch with Officers Thomas and Hanks. We must have lost track of time.
Speaker 1:Hi, officer Cyclops, we just got here as well. As a matter of fact, I hadn't even alerted your department yet.
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, I uh, just a lucky guess then.
Speaker 1:This is Mr Wellsworth, the store owner. He was just telling me what happened, hello.
Speaker 3:Hello again.
Speaker 1:What Nothing. Is there anything else about the robber you remember Well? I remember he had a deep voice, like a really deep voice, like a bad voice actor using software for his third-rate podcast Deep Interesting, interesting Officer. Cyclops, I'm actually glad you arrived when you did. I have to ask you and please be honest, I've heard that you are the last Cyclops in existence. Is that actually true?
Speaker 3:Unfortunately, yes, I am the last of my proud but sketchy lineage.
Speaker 1:And the reason I ask is because Mr Wellsworth says the robber was wearing a ski mask with only one eye in the center. Oh, really.
Speaker 1:And the robber has a distinctly low voice like yours. Oh no, that can mean one thing and only one thing, and that's, unfortunately, bad news for you, because it appears to me that you, that you, have a doppelganger out there that is up to no good. It turns out, the only other Cyclops in existence is a criminal and a scoundrel. I mean, um, oh no, but don't worry, officer Cyclops, we're hot on his trail. His days of freedom are numbered. Indeed, look, it's Officers Thomas and Hanks, just in time. Did you bring it, gentlemen? Yes, ma'am. Hey, officer Cyclops, where were you? Yeah, we were supposed to have lunch together, but you didn't show. Where were you over the lunch hour?
Speaker 3:Oh, oh, hi guys, I didn't expect to see you here with working in the technology department at all. Yes, my lunch plans. We were supposed to meet at Popper's.
Speaker 1:No man, crustas, Did you go to Popper's for lunch? That's all the way on the other side of town.
Speaker 3:Oh, silly me, I must have gotten the place mixed up. Believe me, I must have gotten the place mixed up. Yep, I went all the way over to Popper's on the other side of town. Gosh, no wonder I didn't see you there.
Speaker 1:Wait, if you were on the other side of town, as you say, you sure got here fast. Um, that can only mean one thing you were speeding.
Speaker 3:I mean yep, speeding yep, and that was wrong and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Okay, I want all of you, all of you around, to listen to me. The badge you are wearing is an honor, a privilege, not a right. We are here to enforce the law, yes, but we must obey the law ourselves. We lead by example, got it?
Speaker 1:Yes ma'am, and if I ever, ever, find an officer that thinks it's okay to bend or break the law for their own selfish means, even if it's jaywalking, I will see to it personally that that f***ing scum is stripped from the force and given the harshest punishment possible. I will make their lives a living hell. That is a promise, am I clear?
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1:Good and Officer Cyclops, don't you ever, ever speed again, not even five over, am I clear?
Speaker 3:Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1:Good, now back to work, everyone. Officers, thomas and Hanks, did you bring the device here?
Speaker 3:it is Device. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Yes, see, this little gadget picks up on certain signals. Over the last few months, my department has been working with the technical department as well as local jewelers to make fake jewelry with trackers enabled. Yeah, it's pretty simple. We ask local stores to put fake tracker jewelry out on display, but not to sell it or give it away. If they happen to get robbed, they put it in with the real jewelry. The tracker jewelry gives off a signal that can be picked up with this here device. But he took everything, everything. There's no tracker jewelry in this store anymore. True, it won't help us here, but we'll know when we're getting close.
Speaker 1:Watch, I'll just turn it on to. Well, that's weird. What if I walk over here and if I walk here next to Mr Wellsworth, and if I walk over here next to Officer Thomas or Officer Hanks, and if I walk over here next to Officer Cyclops? Strange. Well, let's try this again. Okay, I'll walk way over here and then I'll walk here next to Mr Wellsworth and here next to Officer Thomas and here next to Officer Thomas and here next to Officer Hanks, and I walk over here next to Officer Cyclops.
Speaker 3:You know what? I just bought this watch from some shady-looking guy down the street.
Speaker 1:I'll bet he sold me a stolen watch.
Speaker 3:Why that's scallywag here. Let's move the watch out of range and try again.
Speaker 1:I also bought these rings from that same shady-looking guy down the street.
Speaker 3:Okay, let's move those out of the way and try again. And these necklaces, and these bracelets. Okay, there you go. Now I want you to go down the street and try to find that rogue and let me know when you have him.
Speaker 1:Yes, Detective, Gladly. Okay, Now that Officer Cyclops is gone, I want to talk to you about him, but I didn't want to say anything with him around. Is it just me or my detective instincts? Is it just me or my detective instincts, or does Officer Cyclops seem to be too trusting? I mean to buy that much jewelry from some vagabond off the street? I mean come on.
Speaker 2:Some people just can't see the obvious, I suppose, calling all units, calling all units Ongoing robbery at Chen's Jewelers.
Speaker 1:I repeat ongoing robbery at Chen's Jewelers. Please respond, let's go. Oh, if only Officer Cyclops were here with us. I would love to see the look on his face when we finally catch that no-good crook. Good morning children, good morning Mr McLaughlin. Today we have a special guest. Nurse Philby is here to talk to us about handwashing. Guest Nurse Philby is here to talk to us about hand washing.
Speaker 2:I expect you all to put on your listening ears and pay attention, okay, yes, mr.
Speaker 1:McGruckle, that's great. Let's clap our hands and give a big Nerbly Elementary School. For Wee Ones second grade, welcome to Nurse Philby Yay. For Wee One's second grade. Welcome to Nurse Philby Yay, thank you. Good morning children, good morning Nurse Philby. Today I'm here to talk to you about something very important Germs, hello. Yes, ew, I agree. Does anyone want to say what germs are? Yes, ew, I agree. Does anyone want to say what germs are? Yes, jenna, the little stuff that makes you sick, exactly. And can we think of ways to keep germs away so we can stay healthy? Yes, tyrese, cover your mouth with your arm when you cough. Good, what else? Washing hands? That's wonderful. Washing hands is why I'm here to talk to you today. Good job, everyone for your great answers. Now about hand washing. How long should we wash our hands?
Speaker 2:Happy birthday.
Speaker 1:It's not my birthday, silly. No, the birthday song. Sing happy birthday. That's right, children. And how many times do you sing it? Two times, you're absolutely right. But now, instead of happy birthday, we're going to use something else. Hmm, what do you think we should use? Do you like Twinkle, twinkle Little Star? No, pop Goes the Weasel no. Wheels on the Bus no, how about the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The ancient mariner Yay, good, because that's our new hand washing song. Yes, and since we don't have sinks in this classroom, we're going to play pretend. Who likes to play pretend? Yes, okay, if everyone's ready, mr McCruckle will. Yes, okay, if everyone's ready. Mr McCrackle, will you help me get the kids started? We turn on the water and we get soapy soap on our hands and we wash.
Speaker 2:Here we go.
Speaker 1:It is an ancient mariner and he stoppeth one of three by thy long gray beard and glittering eye.
Speaker 2:now, wherefore stoppeth one of three by thy long gray beard and glittering eye. Now, wherefore stoppeth?
Speaker 1:thou me, the bridegroom's doors are open wide. Soon as the sound of the truss was through the fog, it came as if it had been a christian soul. We hailed it in god's name. It ate the food it ne'er had yet, and round and round it flew the ice is split with a thunder fit the house must tear, mysterious, and all the words did shrink.
Speaker 2:Water, water everywhere, not in or in the water drink the very deep did rot. Oh Christ, that never should ever be your side. He turned his face with a ghastly pang and cursed me with his eye.
Speaker 1:Four times fifty. Little things, both great and small.
Speaker 2:For the dear God who loveth us he made us loveth all.
Speaker 1:The merit of his eye is bright. Whose beard?
Speaker 2:with age is hoar is gone and now, with his guest, turned from the bridegroom's door he went like one that hath been stunned and is a sense for the Lord, a sadder and wiser man he rose tomorrow morn.
Speaker 1:You did it, children. You completed the first time through what? When we sang Happy Birthday? How many times did we have to sing it to get rid of all those nasty, icky germs? Um, twice. Well, what are we waiting for? Oh, this is a boat. It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three by the long gray beard and glaring eyes.
Speaker 2:Now, wherefore stoppeth thou me? The bridegroom's doors are open wide, and I am next of kin.
Speaker 1:The guests are met the feast is set and the good, soft winds front up behind the albatross did follow, and every day for food or play came about about in meal and broth.
Speaker 2:A death-fire danced at night. The water like a witch's oil the souls did from their bodies fly.
Speaker 1:They fled to bliss or woe, and every soul it passed me by.
Speaker 2:Like a wind, a fast. You loveth fast. All things, both great and small. For the dear God who loveth us. He made and loveth all the mariner whose eye is bright, whose beard, with age, is hoar is gone, and now the wedding guests turn from the bridegroom's door.
Speaker 1:He went like one that hath been stunned and is of sense forlorn, a sadder and wiser man. He rose tomorrow, morn Stupid, oh dear. You don't like the new hand washing song? No, well, what about the old happy birthday song? Yeah, yeah, that was much better. Well, what if we did this? If you don't like Rhyime of the Ancient Mariner handwashing and prefer the Happy Birthday handwashing, well, maybe, just maybe, we could go back to the Happy Birthday Two Times Handwashing. Yes, please, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:But, but you have to promise that you will sing happy birthday two times, every single time you wash your hands. Do you think you can do that? Of course, yes, I swear I can. Mr McCrockle, do you think they can keep their word? Oh, I think you can count on it. Well then, I think I'm done here this morning. Mr McCrackle, can I talk to you outside real quick? Sure, okay, kids, I'll be right back. We are doing metal sculpture time next, so why don't you start up your arc welders and plasma torches? I won. You owe me $20. Here you go. We had such a problem with hand washing I did not think you could get them to promise to wash their hands to happy birthday twice, but you proved me wrong.
Speaker 1:Thank you for the help. Anytime, my friend, anytime. Thank you for listening. If you're enjoying this podcast, please do me a favor and let others know about it so we can spread the word and get this podcast out there. And until next week, as always, play nice with others, be super duper, uber, super duper, kind to yourself and remember to laugh. Bye.
