Discount Storytime
Weekly stand-alone humorous short stories for grown-ups, with engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue carefully edited out. Enjoy!
Discount Storytime
The Vengeance Hungry Caterpillar
What happens when two little caterpillars come across a deadly enemy? Also, episodes now include a "Discount Idea" and I read fan mail!
Our Sponsor for today is Grandpa Old Timey's Cornmeal (flavored product).
CONTENT WARNING: Profanity, Violence, Body Horror, Gore
Enjoy!
Sound Effects by freesound_community from Pixabay
Music: "Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
“Little Toy House” by Geoff Harvey from Pixabay
“Inspiring Folk Acoustic” by Cookrate Eli from Pixabay
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Coffee
Hello, this is Coffee McCann and welcome to episode 48 of Discount Storytime. Today's story is the Vengeance Hungry Caterpillar, and our sponsor is Grandpa Old Timey's Cornmeal flavored product Enjoy.
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Speaker 1:Grandpa Old-Timey's Cornmeal flavored product is a proud sponsor of Discount Storytime, the Vengeance-Hungry Caterpillar. In the darkest of night, the moon shone on two little eggs on a leaf. Two tiny and hungry caterpillars named Ripley and Kane popped out of the eggs and looked for food. On the first day they ate through one apple, but they were still hungry. On the second day, they ate through two pears, but they were still hungry. On the third day, they ate through three plums, but they were still hungry. Plums, but they were still hungry. On the fourth day, they ate through four strawberries, but they were still hungry. On the fifth day, they ate through five oranges, but they were still hungry.
Speaker 1:They kept looking for food and found a dark cave. Cain wanted to go inside the cave and look for more food, but it was so dark and cold. The cave scared Ripley and she said no. Cain laughed and said there's nothing to be afraid of, but Ripley still didn't want to go into the cave. So Cain went into the dark cave. Not long after Ripley heard a horrible buzzing sound, cain screamed and ran out of the cave. Well, ran as fast as a little caterpillar can run.
Speaker 3:Run away, run away.
Speaker 1:Cain yelled as he and Ripley ran to safety. Once they were safe from the cave, ripley asked what happened in? There, Cain said I don't know.
Speaker 3:It was dark and hard to see, but then something very big flew above me and I felt a burning sting. I'm okay now just very hungry.
Speaker 1:Reassured Ripley said oh, cain, you're always hungry. You are a very hungry— Stop.
Speaker 3:Let's not get sued.
Speaker 1:We're already pushing our luck said Cain, and he and Ripley went to sleep as it was getting late. And he and Ripley went to sleep as it was getting late. On the sixth day, the hungry caterpillars awoke. Ripley's eyes widened when she saw her friend Kane, with little white sacks peppered all over his body. What the hell are those, she asked. Kane looked at his reflection in a puddle and shrugged.
Speaker 3:I don't know Probably nothing. I guess let's go find some food.
Speaker 1:I'm hungry. So the two little caterpillars looked for food and hit the jackpot. They found a chocolate cake, ice cream, a pickle, a salami, a lollipop, a cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake and a watermelon. They ate through all of it. Afterwards, ripley turned to Cain and was about to say she wasn't hungry anymore, but Cain did not look well.
Speaker 3:I feel sick, Ripley.
Speaker 1:She nodded and burped.
Speaker 3:Well, we did pound down the stuff.
Speaker 1:Then Cain started coughing and wheezing. His coughs became more and more violent and he flipped over onto his caterpillar back. Ripley rushed to his side and tried to hold his legs, but they were all squirming as Kane's little caterpillar face turned red like an apple, then purple like a plum. Kane, kane what's happening? Kane gave Ripley a terrified look and his eyes bulged. With great effort he gurgled out the word run.
Speaker 1:Then he went still for a moment. But then his body started quivering again. His little caterpillar chest started bubbling, as if large marbles were rolling around under his skin. Kane's arms twitched as blood spurt out of his chest. Red blood sprayed everywhere, red like jam From inside his body. A buzzing sound grew louder and louder and Kane's skin stretched as the marbles started pushing outward. Blood and tissue exploded as wasp after wasp after wasp flew out of Kane's body and zoomed towards.
Speaker 1:Ripley Panicked. She ran as far and as fast as her little caterpillar legs would carry her. Ripley only looked back when she was finally far away and safe. Safe. Cain was dead and Ripley had been helpless and scared. A mistake she would not repeat. Ripley was hungry, but not for pears or strawberries or cake. Ripley was hungry for vengeance.
Speaker 1:Two weeks later Ripley woke up inside the cocoon fortress she had built. Ripley had her routine, her ritual, her way to stay, focused on avenging the death of her friend. She started in the cocoon's weight room, then, once warmed up, she practiced in the cocoon's dojo. Finally, after a shower, she sat and drank coffee in the cocoon's intelligence office while a computer bank beeped in word. One wall of the intelligence office had a large cork board with a picture of Kane with a red X over it. All over the cork board were black and white pictures and notes, all connected with red string. The notes were mostly questions like can sting Flying Parasite. Ripley's eyes darkened as she stared at where all the red strings led to a grainy black and white picture of a parasitic wasp, a large wasp, the Queen Wasp. Ripley flinched when her cell phone rang. It was Burke, an arms dealer that knew how to keep his mouth shut. His grizzled voice was tinny. Through the phone. I got them. Are you sure you want to do this? I'm paying, you aren't?
Speaker 3:I I'll come and pick them up.
Speaker 1:I'll come and pick them up, ripley, it won't bring back Cain, nothing will.
Speaker 3:I know that, but it's not just about Cain. What if?
Speaker 1:What if I told you and I ain't saying I said nothing to nobody, but let's just say there's a company, the company, and they would be very interested in you bringing one back for them to study, no-transcript, they could make useful and lucrative weapons, could make us make you rich. Besides, say you manage to kill them off, then what Life is for the living. Ripley Ripley snarled at being lectured to.
Speaker 3:And money is all you seem to care about. Burke, Don't talk to anyone else, goddammit.
Speaker 1:Have my order ready. I'm on my way. She hung up her phone. Burke was always a shrewd businessman and of course he would look for better weapons, being an arms dealer and what such, but he did not know the power of those parasites. Burke had changed but in all fairness, ripley had changed as well. Not just the physical changes from weightlifting and becoming a butterfly. Oh oh yeah, ripley is a butterfly now with brightly colored wings. I just thought I should clarify that real quick in case you weren't sure. She's a butterfly. But her changes were more than physical and she's a butterfly.
Speaker 1:Ripley wasn't the scared little caterpillar standing outside the dark cave Tonight. She would go into the cave not as a caterpillar or as a butterfly, but as a hunter. Ripley grinned darkly and walked into the cocoon's armory. After stopping by Burke's shop and getting the packages now safely tucked into her assault pack, ripley flew to the dark cave. The trip took a while because of the weight of her gear.
Speaker 1:At the entrance of the cave, ripley took one look back, maybe her last look back to the world she had once known. She stepped into the cave, engulfed by shadow. The cave was dark and cold, silent except for dripping water. But she heard the buzzing, that demonic buzzing sound. No, that's not right. She didn't hear the buzzing. She felt it felt invisible tendrils of the sick monster pulling at her soul, pulling her onward. She continued deeper into the cave. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the dim lighting but still nearly fell over something large and squishy. It was a caterpillar, but it didn't move. It was dead and, just like Cain, had its body ruptured with the exit of parasitic wasps. The gruesome sight made her vomit and she chided herself. Ripley knew she would have to be tougher than that to win this battle. The buzzing called to her again, but now mixed with another sound, more urgent, more fearful. Someone was whimpering.
Speaker 1:Ripley continued further into the cave and found more caterpillar bodies stippled with little white sacks. But these caterpillars wriggled, just like Cain had wriggled, just like Cain had, Under their skin. Ripley saw the macabre horror of gestating wasps. They were going to hatch, they were all going to hatch and soon. Ripley froze, but just for a moment the terrified whimper turned into a soft call Please, somebody help me. It was a young caterpillar's voice. With renewed determination she flew into the heart of the cave. They attacked her with lightning speed. As Ripley entered a large dark cavern. Two wasps rushed onto her and tried stinging, but Ripley wore specially made lightweight chain armor that repelled the stingers. Their failure to sting confused the wasps, which gave Ripley time to draw her daggers and stab them. Then she heard a sizzle. She looked at the dagger blades as they melted away from the wasp's acid blood, she threw the dagger handles down.
Speaker 3:Are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 1:Then something touched her wing. She pulled her katana and rounded to attack when she saw a young caterpillar gently tugging at her. Ripley asked the young caterpillar.
Speaker 3:Who are you? My name is Newt. I came in here with my friends on a dare to see who was brave enough to go furthest, but I think the monsters got them.
Speaker 1:Newt pointed back towards the entrance and her eyes welled.
Speaker 3:I just wanted them to think I was brave but I'm scared.
Speaker 1:Ripley remembered the caterpillars with the sacks about to hatch. They also looked young. Hatch they also looked young. It's okay, Newt, my name is Ripley. I get scared too. No-transcript. Ripley gently put a wing around Newt.
Speaker 3:Listen, that was very smart of you to hide.
Speaker 1:Now I have something to do before we go and I want you to stay hidden. Newt desperately grabbed at Ripley.
Speaker 3:Please don't leave me. The monsters will get me. It's okay, I'll only be gone a little while.
Speaker 1:But it is more dangerous for you to go with me. Stay hidden and quiet, I'll be back for you. Ripley saw the terror in Newt's little caterpillar eyes and said, I promise. Before Newt could protest, ripley flew into the dark recess of the cavern while digging through her assault pack. The seconds ticked into minutes. Then the loud buzzing returned. Newt hurried back to her hiding spot behind a mound of dirt, but no sooner had she crouched down than the dirt blew away.
Speaker 1:The Wasp Queen floated over Newt. It was yellow and black and towered over her, standing at least three inches tall. Newt screamed and just dodged the queen's stinger. She held up a small flat rock as a shield, but it was knocked out of her hands. With the next stinger attack, newt backed away. Stinger attack Newt backed away but found herself cornered with nowhere to run. The wasp queen hissed and was about to plunge her stinger into Newt. Then high-pitched squeals echoed in the cavern. At the other end, just in view, ripley hovered over a mound of recently hatched wasps with their wings cut off. She glared at the wasp queen and said get away from her you bitch.
Speaker 1:The wasp queen howled in rage and charged for Ripley, but Ripley aptly dodged. Her katana slid through the wasp's waist and the beast careened into the darkness in two pieces. Surprised Ripley flew to Newt who smiled and said Well, that was easy. No sooner had she said easy than a cacophony of wet popping sounds came from the cave entrance, followed by a hateful buzz. A horde of newly hatched wasps just heard Ripley kill their queen. Ripley quickly took off her armor and wrapped it around. Newt picked her up and hugged her close.
Speaker 3:I want you to close your eyes when I say drop it, drop this.
Speaker 1:And shoved the assault pack into Newt's hands. Ripley flew as fast as ever and they careened through the escape tunnel, now swarming with angry wasps. Ripley knocked as many aside as she could with her wings and dodged a few. The wasps stung at Newt, but the chain armor held Newt kept her eyes shut. Mostly. She snuck one peek just in time to see one of her friends, or at least the corpse of her friend. Newt recoiled in horror and kept her eyes closed. Newt recoiled in horror and kept her eyes closed. Ripley flew faster and faster and the light was coming up close when stingers caught her wings and yanked her backwards. Newt tumbled out of Ripley's arms and dropped the bag. Newt tried to retrieve the bag, but Ripley yelled.
Speaker 3:No, leave the bag Run.
Speaker 1:Newt froze confused.
Speaker 3:I'm not leaving you.
Speaker 1:Wasps now coded Ripley, as she yelled.
Speaker 3:We have to seal the entrance.
Speaker 1:Newt screamed back.
Speaker 3:I'm not leaving you.
Speaker 1:It all happened in a moment. Ripley looked kindly at Newt and smiled.
Speaker 3:Newt, saving you is the best thing I've ever done. Please don't die now. Find my cocoon. It's yours. Now You'll know what to do.
Speaker 1:Ripley held up the explosives detonator.
Speaker 3:For me, this was always a one-way trip.
Speaker 1:Swarming wasps dragged Ripley back into the cave, into the darkness, into the buzzing. Newt ran as hard as she could towards the entrance. She'd just made it outside when the ground shuddered and the explosion burst out of the cave, causing the entrance to collapse. Newt sat there for a long time waiting for Ripley but knowing she was gone, Exhausted, she fell asleep. The next day Newt woke up very hungry and ate through one apple, but she was still hungry. The second day, Newt ate through two pears, but she was still hungry. The third day, Newt ate through three plums, but she was still hungry, but she was still hungry. The fourth day, Newt ate through four strawberries, but she was still hungry. The fifth day, she looked for food and found herself at the mouth of a dark cave. Inside the cave came a loud buzzing sound. Newt didn't go in but noted the cave's location and left. She found five oranges to eat. Then, with her belly full, went back to Ripley's cocoon and studied the corkboard and sharpened an acid-resistant katana. And sharpened an acid-resistant katana Soon, like Ripley, she would seal the cocoon and transform into a butterfly. And as with Ripley, Newt was still hungry for vengeance.
Speaker 1:This week's discount idea my favorite memories of Granny was our time spent out by the clothesline. We talked and talked while I helped her hang sheets of freshly made counterfeit bills. Hey, listeners, I have some good news we got our first fan mail. So on the episode show notes, if you click on a little link, it lets you send me a message, and so we got one from Michigan. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to read this real quick. It says I loved ad space. So much subtle humor, Very good. You made my day. When I saw that I was actually feeling a little bummed about ad space, I felt like, well, maybe that wasn't my best. So I am so glad that you appreciated it and that it made you laugh and that you wrote into me. So thank you again. If anyone wants, you can contact me again by clicking that link. Also, my contact information is in the show notes as well. If you like the discount ideas, I am on Blue Sky and Mastodon under Discount Storytime and I upload a discount idea pretty much every day. So if you happen to be on those, feel free to look me up. And until next week, be sure to play nice with others, be super duper, kind to yourself and, as always, remember to laugh. Bye.
