Discount Storytime
Weekly stand-alone humorous short stories for grown-ups, with engaging plots, rich character development, and intelligent dialogue carefully edited out. Enjoy!
Discount Storytime
Something Yellow, Something Blue: Season Finale Part 2 of 2
Final Episode of Season 1! Next season will be serialized. What happens when a hapless medical school graduate gets an internship at the intergalactic teaching hospital 'St. Tetanus Medical Center?' (Starting April 7th!)
As for today's story. Well, the wedding didn't go as planned. Maybe the reception will be better? Tune in and find out.
Our Sponsor for today is St. Tetanus Medical Center.
Enjoy!
Sound Effects by freesound_community from Pixabay
Music:
"Skinny Food Fighters Blues 85" by Won Jong Hwa from Pixabay
Music: “Hope Piano” Music by Sergei Chetvertnykh from Pixabay
“Classical Music – Eternal Serenade” by Tech Oasis from Pixabay
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Coffee
Content. Warning for profanity, alcohol use and adult themes. This is Coffee McCann, and welcome to the season finale of Season 1 of Discount Storytime. Today's story is Something Yellow, Something Blue, Part 2. And so this is Part 2 of 2. And our sponsor happens to be St Tetanus Medical Center. Enjoy.
Speaker 2:We at St Tetanus Medical Center believe in innovation, especially visionary practices to increase revenue. That's why St Tetanus Medical Center believe in innovation, especially visionary practices to increase revenue. That's why St Tetanus Medical Center is the first hospital in the Scamverse to implement groundbreaking use of coin-operated wheelchairs, foley catheters, home oxygen equipment and pacemakers home oxygen equipment and pacemakers. We at St Tetanus Medical Center will continue to make change for you. Really, we now have a coin machine by the main entrance. St Tetanus Medical Center.
Speaker 1:Of all the things we spread, kindness is first To recap part one of Something Yellow, something Blue. It was Penny and Dale's wedding day and unfortunately their minister had fallen ill, but his colleague, reverend Jax, was able to step in. The ceremony was attended by friends such as the spidery gal doll and the hound-like frumpin, as well as family and two elderly wedding crashers in green dresses. All seemed to go well until Reverend Jacks asked which deity this ceremony was under. For the first time, the bride and groom discovered they worship different goddesses. The ceremony spun out of control and ended. Now it's time for the reception. Something Yellow, something Blue. Part 2 of 2, the Reception.
Speaker 1:The reception hall was across the street from and nearly as old as the cathedral. Unlike the cathedral, the reception hall had been recently updated to accommodate modern guests. Large windows, which used to show the beautifully manicured gardens, were bricked over and covered with screens showing advertisements. Tall rafters, which once held antique crystal chandeliers, now held commercial blasting speakers. The hand-painted wood flooring was now covered with bright orange shag carpet.
Speaker 1:Considerably fewer wedding guests bothered to cross the street and attend the reception. Those that trickled in formed separate clusters. Every group eyed other groups with disdain. The spidery Galdol stood at the appetizer table loading a small plate when the basset-houndish Frumpin waddled up and said it horrified my goddess to know I associated with you. The Galdol didn't even bother with eye contact. Kiss my ass, jerk, don't bother sitting next to me. My goddess doesn't want your fleas. I hope you choke. The Frumpin knocked over the Galdol's plate with his tail before walking off. There was only one small table far in the back corner with the sounds of laughter. The short and tall old ladies drank Meyerberry wine, chatted and giggled loudly. The wedding guests muttered sourly. Clearly they are no good wedding crashers.
Speaker 2:Shameful the way they are carrying on the goddess would not allow that.
Speaker 1:The goddess should smite them both. Time for the wedding-party. Entrance came and guests were relieved to get this over with table of honor. Next, the groomsmen sulked in and sat. The ring-bearer and flower-girl, now forbidden from attending, were at home getting parental lectures on how the goddess would torture their eternal souls for so much as saying hello to someone different, much less befriending them. Dale's fathers, instead of attending the reception, spent their afternoon anywhere else. Penny's mother also refused to attend. The father of the bride only showed up. To mitigate any more lost profit. He successfully auctioned off the untouched wedding cake. Unfortunately, he found the cake smothered in bird droppings. He looked up at the rafters to find the heathen birdfolk of Astrid Minor glaring down at him. Next, eyes and faces red, they separately walked to the dance floor as their song Forever, unbreakable Love Forever played. Instead of dancing, they stood glaring at each other until the song ended.
Speaker 1:Traditionally, the bride and groom sat next to each other at the table of honor, but given current circumstances they took seats at separate ends. The father of the bride gave the first speech as he stood. The tipsy old lady wedding crashers in the back cheered hey you old biddies, that wine you're sucking on down there isn't free. You're guzzling away my profits. I'll have you know the blue goddess would be ashamed. My precious daughter just married that guy.
Speaker 1:Everyone is to eat and drink as little as possible. I can still make some profit from this uneaten food and wine. Also, we are skipping cutting of the cake, but we are selling slices for three dollars each. Ignore the white splotches. What a waste of a day. He threw down the microphone and stormed out. Next came the best man's speech. Joey Blazertoff of Planet Nimbo, still in cut-off denim shorts and a Boner for Bridesmaids t-shirt, sauntered to the microphone, coughed and cleared some mucus from his nose. I'd do each of you bridesmaids even at the same time, if you uh ask me. He let out a fart and sat down. The tall wedding crasher laughed.
Speaker 1:You'll tire yourself out, bobby she called and took a drink. Joey almost fell off his chair. How did she know my childhood nickname, he asked himself. The maid of honor walked to the podium, careful not to swing her arms or look upwards.
Speaker 2:For the maid of honor speech, I will read the first chapter of my new fan fiction book, team Ragtag Adventures. Book Three, the Horny Chronicles.
Speaker 1:Clearing her throat and putting on thick reading glasses, she began.
Speaker 2:Chapter One In the dark of night, Lava Hawk could feel her panties dripping as she read.
Speaker 1:The guests' reaction ranged from covering their ears to retching, but Joey Blazertoff made low moaning sounds. He and the tall wedding crasher were the only ones that applauded. The reception came to a merciful close and the guests walked out without a word. The best man and maid of honor snuck under the table of honor, which was now shaking. Penny and Dale sat at either end. They needed to talk and putting it off would not make it any better. They walked to the middle of the hall. Penny spoke first.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry your papas didn't come to the reception.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry your papas didn't come to the reception. I'm sorry your dad did. He looked at her and, for the first time since the ceremony, cracked a smile. Penny smiled back. Please tell me you won't eat any of that cake. Her smile turned to tears and her chin quivered. I love you, I really do. But, dale, this is serious. Not only did I talk to you, I freaking married. No offense. I can't imagine the Blue Goddess will ever forgive such a thing. Dale nodded. I know it's the same on my side. The yellow goddess does not tolerate worshippers of the blue goddess. What would she say now? A sozzled brim hat with a bulbous nose broke in.
Speaker 2:That it was a lovely wedding, until you two turned into a couple of nincompoops.
Speaker 1:Penny and Dale looked over at the two wedding crashers still at their table, motioning them over. They took a seat with the two elderly and now much more tipsy women. Elderly and now much more tipsy women.
Speaker 2:Penny said the reception is over, you can go home now.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, it's been such a mess. You both look really uh, can I?
Speaker 2:call you a cab.
Speaker 1:The short wedding crasher hiccuped.
Speaker 2:No dear, but thank you. We've had a lovely time catching up, Indeed, and it looks like we aren't the only ones getting along.
Speaker 1:The tall Wedding Crasher laughed and pointed to the rocking table of honor. Dale's patience wore thin. This is serious, my goddess. Would never, would, never, would, never. What young man? The short wedding crasher lifted the brim of her hat and showed two eyes burning with yellow flames. The tall wedding crasher leaned forward and showed eyes made of blue mist. Penny and Dale froze. The blue goddess spoke first.
Speaker 2:We have our differences, and a few very fundamental ones, but we know how to respect each other and we both love a good wedding and Meyerberry wine said the yellow goddess true cheers they tinkled their glasses and sipped.
Speaker 2:Then the blue goddess said and we also care about how mortals treat each other dale, with legs shaking, asked but of the two of you, which one is right? The yellow goddess fielded this one dear young man, the universe is too large to care about which one you think is right. I say you should care more about how dreadfully you're acting towards your bride.
Speaker 1:The blue goddess turned to Penny.
Speaker 2:And you? Is this how you imagined acting?
Speaker 1:on your wedding day, penny's chin quivered.
Speaker 2:Of course not.
Speaker 1:I've been horrible, but now, what are Dale and I? After a moment, the blue goddess smiled kindly.
Speaker 2:You are young and in love. You are newlyweds who should enjoy this time, isn't that enough?
Speaker 1:The yellow goddess reached out and patted Dale's hand.
Speaker 2:Go, enjoy your honeymoon and don't worry about your families. They're being ninnies, but they will figure it out or they won't. You have each other.
Speaker 1:now she turned to the blue goddess.
Speaker 2:I suppose we should go.
Speaker 1:The blue goddess began gathering her purse and cane.
Speaker 2:Okay, but I want to stop by the bookstore for that horny Chronicles book.
Speaker 1:That's it. Don't you put memory-erasing spells on us or something. What if we say you were here?
Speaker 2:asked Dale on us or something. What if we say you were here, asked Dale, please do Tell the world. The yellow goddess and blue goddess crashed your wedding and got drunk. I'd love to see what happens.
Speaker 1:The blue goddess winked Stop it, you're terrible. The yellow goddess laughed. She tipped her drink to them.
Speaker 2:To young love, ta-ta-ta.
Speaker 1:The goddesses turned into silver mist and disappeared. Penny and Dale laughed and wiped away tears. He put his spindly arms around her and they kissed A proper wedding kiss this time. From outside, a trickle of exploding turtles began falling from the sky. Well, gang, that's the end of season one.
Speaker 1:So season two, again, it's going to start on April 7th. So there will not be an episode next week and it will be serialized, and it's going to tell the story of a hapless medical school graduate who winds up as an intern at the Galactic Teaching Hospital, St Tetnus, or stories that you would like to see incorporated into season two. Please either click on the link in the show notes or drop me an email at mail at discountstorytimecom. Also, I am still on Blue Sky and Mastodon. You can follow me there and I post each day mostly each day discount ideas. I'll keep that going for a little bit and then we'll start doing updates once we get into Season 2. Thank you all so much for your support and for listening to these ridiculous stories. I hope you enjoy what's coming up and until two weeks, be sure to play nice with others, be super duper kind to yourself and, as always, remember to laugh. Bye, Thank you.
