42: How Trauma Lives in the Body & the Path Back to Yourself

Welcome to the kickoff of my powerful 4-part series, The Body Remembers: Somatics & Trauma Recovery. In this solo episode, I dive deep into an introduction to somatic healing—what it is, how trauma lives in the body, and how reconnecting with our physical sensations can be the key to true transformation.

I open up about my own journey—how growing up with a bipolar parent shaped my nervous system, how I lived in constant hypervigilance, and how somatic training helped me tune into the whispers of my body that I had long ignored.

You’ll learn:

• What “somatic healing” really means
• Why the body keeps the score (literally)
• The traffic light model of nervous system states (shutdown, fight/flight, and safety)
• How trauma patterns show up physically, emotionally, and relationally
• Small but powerful tools to begin coming back to yourself

Whether you're new to this work or already on your healing path, this episode offers a compassionate, grounded introduction to reclaiming your inner power—through your body.

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Transcript

Darla Ridilla (00:01.646)
Hello friends, I'm so excited that we are kicking off a new four part series today and this is called...

Darla Ridilla (00:15.694)
Hello friends, I'm so excited that we are kicking off a new four part series today and it is called The Body Remembers, Somatics and Trauma Recovery. This is a topic that's near and dear to my heart because I just in February of this year finished a master's equivalent in somatic and trauma informed coaching. And how I got interested in that is I read Bessel van der Kerk's book, I believe that's his name.

is called The Body Keeps the Score. It was my very first exposure to semantics and it was a really easy read while there's a lot of scientific terms that go with that. He broke it down so easily that anyone could understand it. And then that word semantics kept coming up in whether it was the support group I was in at the time or just my conversations. And February of 20, let's see, 2024 is when I started my certification.

And at the beginning of 24, when I was looking for a certification to do for coaching, I had decided I wanted to combine my lived experience with a little bit of book smarts. Caroline Strossen's brand new course came up and it dealt with somatics. And I felt like that was a good place to go. While I will continue my education and also get a certification in Narcissistic Abuse Specialist, I wanted to also learn about something new and innovative.

And it's fascinating to me how not only does our mind record our experiences, but so does our body. How does it store it? How does it release it? So we're going to talk a little bit about that in this episode. And let's talk about what is somatics? Well, soma stands for the body. Somatics is our nervous system. Our body reacts to our experiences and

it actually tells us what's going on in our body by our physical sensations. For example, when I don't feel heard, my throat will feel very tight. When I feel either something negative or positive, it will show up in like right here in my chest. And if it's something that isn't resonating with me or is negative, it'll feel like a tight feeling in my chest. If it's something that is exciting and resonating with me, it'll feel like a buzzing or a vibration in my chest.

Darla Ridilla (02:38.838)
And so it's a good check in for me. And as I got this certification, as I learned more about how my own body is reacting, it has been a game changer in my own healing, because it keeps me in touch with what's going on presently. But even more importantly, I can recognize the body sensation I'm currently having and connect it to a past experience. Almost always it goes back to a childhood experience.

And this has given me the tools to further my healing to accelerate it. So I'm so excited that I'm going to be sharing some of those things with you. So we talk about how trauma lives in the body. I always describe it as a needle and the record. And yes, I'm dating myself. Some younger listeners might be like, what the heck is a record? It is a round plastic device that we used to put on a spinning table and put a needle on it. And that's how we played music.

and when you play the record too many times or a specific song that you really loved it actually started to make a rut in that record kind of like a road so you see a road and you get a pothole and there's a rut and your tires can get stuck in that our body will do the same thing when we are struggling to get over something we get stuck in that rut we either suppress that emotion or feeling or we sit in it for too long and

For example, I grew up with a father who was bipolar. And so I developed this constant hypervigilance because I never knew what version of my dad was coming home. I was always in what they call fight or flight. And so that hypervigilance got stuck in my body and I was unable to get past that. This is recording time. That means be quiet. No, stop. No.

Darla Ridilla (04:45.122)
So because I didn't know what version of dad was coming home and that hypervigilance kicked in, it became in a strange way my comfort zone. And then that transferred into my relationships. And so my body would actually feel safe, quote unquote safe, when I was involved in a romantic relationship with a man who was inconsistent, who was making that anxiety. Even though it was uncomfortable, it was my

comfort zone, if that makes sense. So as I've navigated my romantic relationships and gotten better at finding a healthy relationship, I've tuned into that feeling. I realized in my last relationship that my anxiety came through when he wasn't in my presence because I started to see inconsistencies.

Darla Ridilla (05:44.119)
And when I noticed those inconsistencies, I was able to pinpoint that I was in an unhealthy relationship dynamic. It gave me the ability to address it with my boyfriend and hit and gave him the opportunity to decide whether or not he was going to work with me on that. Or if he was going to choose to stay the same. And then

I could be in tune with my body reaction again, my body sensation and how I felt about his response to my request. So that's just an example, but some of the the symptoms that show up in our body is the chronic tension I just talked about. It'll often show up as fatigue, particularly in hypervigilance. And if we go into what's called the shutdown mode, we are gonna be exhausted because our nervous system is just overtaxed and overworked.

we could go into disassociation. This is a very common thing that I've experienced. have complex PTSD. And so it is less frequent now, but it was extremely frequent 1012 years ago, when I was very new into my healing journey, and I would actually disassociate. Think of it like if you're driving and you kind of go in that zone, and you don't remember driving part of your

your your drive and then you get to your destination and don't remember even getting there. It's a similar thing in we will actually kind of mentally remove ourselves from the situation. It's a way of protecting ourselves. Also, suppressed memories. That's another way that the body is protecting you.

Darla Ridilla (07:36.323)
It'll often show up in sleep disturbances. You feel numb. Maybe you're actually having a sickness, an autoimmune disease, or you have high blood pressure, or all these weird, like for me, several years ago, probably about 10 years ago, I started having chronic pain, which unfortunately I'm still having. And I had a full medical workup, and my doctor could not find anything wrong with me. What I now know is that's my body telling me,

that something is going on within me that needs healed, that needs changed. And so since I'm still having that pain, I have things that I still need to work on. And I have noticed that when my stress level goes up, when my anxiety level increases, the pain increases. And that is still true to this very day.

Darla Ridilla (08:28.76)
So.

Darla Ridilla (08:41.23)
Some of the things that you can do for yourself to help ground yourself is to do some breath work, maybe take some deep breaths in, deep breaths out, slow down. We we live such a fast paced life that many of us are even aren't even aware of our body sensations. I've had experiences where I've asked someone, how would it feel?

What how do you feel when you're in this situation? Let's give an example, say, your husband or your boyfriend doesn't call you when they promise they would.

not only the emotions that are coming up, maybe it's frustration, maybe it's anger, maybe it's a feeling of abandonment. But how is that feeling in your mind showing up as a body sensation? And some women don't know. They say, I don't know, I don't feel anything. And you know, actually underlying there is a body sensation. But because we are not accustomed to feeling it, or we've shut that down inside of ourselves, it is very possible to say

Wow, you I don't, I don't really I can't answer that question. And so my next step is to say, Okay, if you did, what would that feel like in your body? And sometimes it's a matter of getting in touch with it, because I realized through my own training, and my own journey through somatics, that I was not nearly as aware two years ago as I am now of my own body sensations. And a good start is that breath work I just referred to. Be quiet.

It's hard in our busy society, but take five minutes and maybe try to increase that as you're able to just sit and be quiet. Take a deep breath. Be aware of your feet on the floor and what are the objects in the room that gets us present. Often we are in past experiences, future experiences. We're upset about something that happened to us in the past or we're getting, we're having a conversation in our head about what may or may not happen in a future experience. Getting.

Darla Ridilla (10:56.174)
present in the right now, seeing what's in the room, seeing the side the the plaques that are on the wall behind me, the lamp, the couch, my dog is laying behind me. That puts me in right now. That helps. Sometimes yoga is a great way to move through that. And one of the episodes that we're going to have is with a trauma informed.

yoga instructor, and we're going to talk about how yoga gets you in touch with your body as well. One of the other guests that we're going to have, she actually took the same certification that I did with Caroline Strossen about somatics. So we're going to talk about her experiences and her knowledge. When we are physically aware of our body and yoga is a great way because for me, this is I do a lot of vinyasa yoga and

when you're in the pose and you're feeling the discomfort in your body of the pose of holding it, it actually gets you in touch once again with your sensations. And something I want to emphasize is as we are working through our healing journey, no matter where we are, sometimes little baby steps add up to big breakthroughs later. And always be patient with yourself. When you're learning about how your body sensation works,

If you still have trouble being aware or you are aware of the sensation, but you don't honor it or you don't sit with it, that's okay. Start over. Tomorrow's day one. I say that a lot. It's it's a journey. It's it's a new habit. It's a new experience. And sometimes particularly if you're what we call shut down, that experience is going to take some time.

So I've been referring to fight or flight, shutdown, and I'd like to go a little bit more into what that means. So in my training, we call it the traffic lights of tolerance. There are fancy scientific terms for that, and sometimes I confuse them, so I'm not even going to use those today. Let's just talk in layman's terms. What is the traffic lights of tolerance? When I talk about shutdown, that is what we call the red light. And that is when we are so overwhelmed,

Darla Ridilla (13:14.114)
though we can't function, we can't think straight. We're like the literally the deer in the headlights, you know, have you seen a deer at night and you almost hit it and it stares at your headlight and you're like, my God, don't they see the danger coming? Why don't they move? That's what the red light is like in us in people that shows up as depression that shows up in low energy fatigue. I can't get out of bed today. I don't even know where to start this project. It's work is so huge and so big. I

can't even think where to begin. I know I need to leave this relationship or improve it and improve myself. I don't even know where to start. That's shutdown. And that's okay, because if you can even just identify where you are, that is a great beginning. In shutdown, it's a little bit harder to get started, because sometimes we don't even know we're there. We don't even know that we're depressed. We don't even know

what to do. We don't even know if we can. Like if you're in depression, you're in bed and getting out of bed is a major thing and I've been there. That baby step is so important. Kayla, no licking when I'm at recording time. Okay? You can do that later. No, no licking. Give me a few minutes.

So that start looks like, can I get out of bed? Celebrate that. That might not seem like a big deal, but when you are in shutdown and you can't get out of bed, it is a big deal. Did I brush my teeth today? Did I take a shower? Did I brush my hair? And then as you progress and you're able to do that more, can I call a friend and just talk for five minutes about my day? Can I take a five minute walk?

Can I go and exercise? Kayla.

Darla Ridilla (15:13.952)
No, no licking. Lay down. Just lay down.

Darla Ridilla (15:21.624)
then maybe you can progress into what's called the yellow light. This is my specialty because this is where I reside most of the time and I came to realize through my own training that my entire life, pretty much, I've been in the yellow light. And this is the fight or flight mode. This is when you are feeling anxiety all the time. You're hypervigilant. You are always...

expecting something to happen, you're ruminating, you're very actively ready for danger. And so this, this mode actually has a really great purpose. When a danger is present, this is what gives you the motivation and the energy to react to that danger and keep yourself physically and mentally safe. It has a wonderful purpose. But what ends up happening when we are

gaslighted when we are with a narcissist who keeps us walking on eggshells all the time, that fight or flight mode that becomes a constant thing is horrible for us. It breaks down our body, it creates all kinds of health issues. be that your body, you start breaking down, that you start having disease because your body is not designed to be in fight or flight all the time.

but it sure is hard to get out of it when you don't know anything else or you don't know like I did. I didn't know I was in it. And so some great steps that you can do to get out of the yellow light is to take that walk, is to call that friend, is to read a book, is to find something about somatics or about anxiety or trauma recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery that is going to help you get in a support group.

you have a little bit more capacity in the yellow light than you do in the red light to be proactive. This is actually, if you go from red to yellow, this is a win. And I want you to remember something, that you can only go one step above or below where you are. It may be seconds that you're transforming into that other step, but we can't go from being in a red light to go, which is the final step, which is the green light. We cannot do that.

Darla Ridilla (17:36.793)
but we can go from red to yellow and then yellow to green or green to yellow. So just remember that. So yellow light, we have a little bit more ability to be in control of how we're reacting. And I think most of the work is done in a yellow light because I think that's first of all where most of us are. And I think it is where most of our symptoms show up.

And so yes, once again, that's the symptoms that show up for that. And what it looks like is that being anxious all the time, walking on eggshells, trying to anticipate what someone is going to do or say, that is definitely the yellow light. But our goal, no matter where we are, is to be in the green light. And the green light is when we feel grounded. The green light is when we are in our higher self. The green light is when we are able to be stable.

and to react in a productive way. It doesn't mean that the the experiences that we had before aren't showing up in our lives. But we react so differently front to it. When someone crosses a boundary, we are able from a stable place to decide how we are we are over are not going to participate in that behavior. We aren't

ruminating and anxious and thinking if I enforce my boundary, they're going to leave me. That's a fear of abandonment. And that's a whole other series on attachment styles. But we are able to say, I would really prefer this person not in this relationship or leave me or abandon me. But if they do, that has nothing to do with me. They aren't my person. I can set my boundary and I can feel confident. And no matter what happens, I'm going to hold that boundary. And I'm going to find people

that actually honor and respect my boundaries. Because we're grounded. We're in Negrin.

Darla Ridilla (19:38.393)
So I hope that this was a little bit of a helpful explanation to you of what somatics is. And in specific, when it comes to narcissistic abuse, why is somatics so helpful? Why was it a game changer for me? Because it helped me really to disconnect myself from other people's behaviors and really dial in to my sensations and reactions to them.

You know, I talk a lot about how a game changer my dating experience has been not how much in love I am with this person, how how they make me feel so needed and wanted. It was really about not how do I feel about that other person, but how do they make me feel both in their presence and out? It's getting in touch with my reaction to their behavior, not how much I want it to work, not what my fantasy idea of this

relationship is, but how is my body reacting to their behavior when I'm with them, and when I'm not with them. That has helped me really to realize what is healthy and what is not. And once again, the opportunity to address it, and then be aware of my body sensations when I get a reaction or a response.

There's a lot of shame, a lot of hyper vigilance, and a lot of body distrust when it comes to narcissistic abuse, because the narcissist is constantly getting you to question your reality. When my ex husband was really chummy with his ex wife and a lot of other women, my stomach flipped, my stomach is usually my barometer of what is right and what is wrong. But I ignored it.

First, because I wanted to believe what he said. I didn't want to believe the truth that he was cheating on me with just about every woman that came in our sphere. But my body told me that he was. I didn't even realize he was cheating until after I left him. But as I look back and I look at the behaviors and how I remember my body reacting, I knew. Subconsciously, I knew. I just refused to believe it or accept it until...

Darla Ridilla (21:57.868)
I was already out of the relationship. If I had tuned into that and if I had allowed my body to tell me the truth, I would have left him a long time ago.

It's a way for a narcissistic abuse recover in your your narcissistic abuse recovery for you to claim your safety within yourself and your power. Because a narcissist is going to take it away from you every time. Anyone who's emotionally unavailable or dysfunctional doesn't want you to have power because it's a threat to their own. So just remember that. And my mission as a coach is to help you come back to yourself to be aware of your body sensations.

So thank you again. I hope this was helpful. This was kind of somatics 101 in a way. You maybe have heard me say one or two of these things in other episodes because I do talk about it a lot. And it's my passion to help you to recover no matter what happened to you, whether it was narcissistic abuse or a trauma. All of us, even if we had a quote unquote happy childhood, have experienced traumas at some point in our lives. And so this podcast is relatable in so many ways, whether you're abuse victim,

and survivor or not. You've had trauma. And I know that this series is going to be once again, another powerful, powerful time. There are episodes coming that are going to blow you away. You have the power.