44: Choosing Rest Over Hustle - A Revolutionary Act of Self Trust

In this solo episode, Darla Ridilla continues her powerful series The Body Remembers by exploring what it truly means to choose rest over hustle—and why, for trauma survivors, that choice can feel revolutionary.

Darla shares real stories from her own life and business about what happens when you stop overriding your body’s wisdom and start trusting it instead. From letting go of misaligned relationships to honoring intuitive nudges in her move back to Colorado, this episode offers raw insight into the discomfort, the growth, and the radiance that comes when we stop pushing and start listening.

This episode is a call to:

• Notice how your body signals misalignment
• Embrace rest as a form of radical self-trust
• Allow radiance and peace without guilt
• Say no, even when it disappoints others—and still feel whole

If you’ve ever felt torn between honoring your needs and meeting others’ expectations, Darla’s reflections will remind you that your rest is sacred and your intuition is enough.

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Transcript

Darla Ridilla (00:00)
And I realized that there were some things in my life, particularly how I was running my business that were out of alignment and that some of these things I knew.

back in as early as February, that that was out of alignment. And I knew it. And I ignored it, stuffed it, made excuses for it. But my body has been telling me for three months, you need to find an alternative to this. And I didn't listen. I excused it away. You know how we do, like if you're in a relationship and he doesn't call for several days, well, you know, he has a job and he's busy or, well, you know, he has kids or.

you know, he's taking care of his mom, you she's living with him or whatever, whatever excuse we make for them for the behavior that isn't working for you. I did that, even though my body told me that it's time to move on.

Darla Ridilla (00:47)
Hello friends, my name is Darla Ridilla and you're listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Recovery from Trauma and Narcissistic Abuse. I am a certified somatic trauma informed coach and relationship expert with lived experience in overcoming narcissistic abuse. I help women to learn to fall in love with themselves so they can have a healthy relationship with themselves and others. Each episode, you'll hear about different aspects of trauma or relationship advice.

as well as healing techniques and tips so that you can begin or continue on your road to recovery. Thanks for joining me today. Let's get started with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (01:26)
Hello friends, I'm so excited to have another solo episode with you. And before I dive into the topic, I wanted to recognize one of the listeners who texted me through the Buzzsprout app. Just wanted to let you know that I'm experiencing a glitch in the app and I cannot see your whole phone number so I can respond directly to you. But I wanted to acknowledge your message you had asked about. How can I join the newsletter and how much does it cost? I just wanted to let you know, first of all, no cost at all.

My newsletter and email list is free to anyone who is interested in joining. And if you go to the show notes, there is going to be a link there that will send you to a landing page and you can sign up there. Thank you so much. I wish I could respond directly to you. I am working with customer service and Buzzsprout to fix that. So I can respond to you without having to wait and do it in a public forum. But I just wanted to say thank you.

I've been hearing from my listeners recently and it's been really wonderful to know that I'm not just staring at this computer screen just talking to myself, that people are listening to this podcast and it's making a difference. So thank you. Thank you to all of you. So let's dive into this topic. We are continuing our series on somatics and the body and our nervous system. And I'm going to be updating you on what's going on in my personal life because as many of you know, the past six months has been

a of loss, a lot of change, but that is also translated into a lot of positive change in my life. And particularly in the past two to three weeks, I've had an exponential increase in my personal growth and it, I can't even tell you how different I feel and how my life for both personally and professionally is changing. So if you go back six months, for those of you who don't know,

I went through a breakup at the end of November. It was very difficult. And I really thought that this person was someone I was going to spend a long-term committed relationship with. It ended up that that didn't happen. And while I have at times beat myself up for once again getting involved with someone who was emotionally unavailable, you know, more recently, I've been realizing not only the lessons that I talked about at a virtual summit shortly after,

but really understanding that this was a stepping stone. And so we'll talk about that a little bit later. But you you fast forward to January, I went away on a camping trip, totally unplugged for three days and realized that it was time to come back to Colorado. I left 11 years ago because I was stalked by an abusive ex-husband who was a narcissist.

I made the decision that I was coming back to Colorado, even though the dynamics have not changed in the past 11 years. I am giving my power away by not being here because Colorado is home to me. So I made the move in March. started that moving process in March and nine days after I got here, my soul dog Goliath suddenly died.

While he had been sick for two years, I knew sooner rather than later I was going to lose him. I really did not expect it to be that soon. And there's a whole story in that as well. And then on the one month anniversary, not that I planned it that way, it's just how it happened. I found another dog, Gala. And so I'm navigating this intense, intense grief of the loss of my dog while also bonding with another one.

And it's been a strange duality. It's been very difficult for me. A lot of sensations in the body. So we'll get into that. And then the past two, three weeks, I've been working with an intuitive coach since January. And there has been such an acceleration the past couple of weeks in my healing and my intuitive abilities in my releasing. And I'm learning to surrender. I still kind of choking on that word. I'm learning to surrender.

And in that process, my personal and my business life are changing for the good. So let's dive into it. If you remember, if you listen to a couple episodes ago, I kind of did a little semantics one-on-one. That is our nervous system in our body. When something happens to us, our body reacts in a physical way. We have a physical sensation. For instance, when my intuition is telling me that someone is not right for me, my stomach will flip.

You know, I talked about that in that episode about how my ex-husband was cheating on me the whole time we were together, even before we were married. And I knew it. I denied it. I didn't admit it until long after the relationship was over. But my body told me that. When I don't feel heard, my throat feels tight. You know, these are examples. In a positive note, my chest will have like a buzzing vibration sensation when something feels really, really good.

Darla Ridilla (06:12)
If this episode stirred something in you, that's not an accident. You're being called to stop shrinking, stop settling, and start living as the woman you were always meant to be. I know what it feels like to over give, to lose yourself at relationships and to question your worth. I've lived it and I found a way through. Inside the self-love sisterhood, I guide women who are done playing small and guide them into a life of deep self-trust, aligned boundaries of love that actually feels good.

This isn't dairy, it's lived transformation. And I'll walk beside you every step of the way. Imagine waking up grounded in your truth, confident in your voice, clear on what you deserve, and no longer afraid to ask for it. If you're feeling the pull, this is your invitation. Spots are limited by design, so the support stays personal and powerful. Head to the show notes to apply now.

or book a free exploratory call. You're worthy. You're ready. Let's do this together.

Darla Ridilla (07:18)
I have learned to listen to my body. As I was getting trained in somatics last year and certified, I also really accelerated my own healing because I became more aware of my body sensations. And I've been using that, whether it's a business interaction or it's a dating interaction. I've been really listening to that more because to be honest, to go back to nine months ago,

When I started dating my last boyfriend, if I had listened to my body, I would not have dated him. It doesn't mean people in our lives are bad people. They're just bad for us. So to give you an example and to show you how I'm doing better in that area now. While I did know him through a mutual friend had met him a year before we ran into each other.

I first of all let my physical attraction to him get in the way. There's nothing wrong with that, but I let it drive my decision.

I didn't let him kiss me until he took me out on a date, but I made it too darn easy for that first date. He really didn't work for it. That's on me. I should have set that boundary. I did not.

My body told me. So there's this bad habit I have in the past of chasing men. And while I was doing it much less, I still did it. And my body told me that I was chasing him. My body said, this doesn't feel good. And how it didn't feel good is things that are made for us come in clarity and not confusion. And there, to be honest, if I look back, I felt confusion. There was this unsure.

thing. I gave him access to my time too easily and too soon. And my body said that there was a tightness in my chest, my stomach felt a little if I had just sat back and let him initiate or also reciprocate in my interest, nothing would have come of that. Or it would have fizzled.

quickly and I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken. And so you fast forward to now, I did recently meet a gentleman that I was attracted to and very interested in. And I used a technique that Matthew Hussey often talks about called dropping the handkerchief. And I use this technique to express interest without being too forward and also leaving the door open for him to reciprocate and initiate. And he did it.

He didn't pick up the handkerchief. And this is a difficult thing for me because my previous self is still trying to get back into the driver's seat and say, you just need to send him one more text. maybe he didn't understand or maybe he didn't get it. But I have told myself that I'm not sending another text. If he wants to reach out to me, that's great. But

I am not allowing my anxious attachment style to drive. I'm not allowing all... It's discomfort. I am feeling discomfort because my old habits want to take over. But my new habit is I'm not going to do that because if I do that, I'm going right back to where I was. My body is going to tell me it's all wrong and I'm not going to be happy and there's just not going to be a good ending to this.

There's also the listening to my body when I was moving here to Colorado. I'm so glad that I was working with my intuitive coach because I was in very much of a lack mode and my body was, I was in that fight or flight mode where my heart was racing and my stomach was feeling kind of sick because I was looking at housing both in Cortez and in Durango. Durango is much more expensive.

but it was where I wanted to be. There's a lot more happening here. There's just a different vibe. It has a very young, exciting, fun vibe here, which I wasn't feeling it in Cortez. And I got guaranteed housing the first day I started looking. And I, my old self wanted to grab onto what, what was guaranteed. And my coach talked me down and said, you talk about Durango, follow your intuition.

Just trust, trust. It was so hard. Like the whole time my heart was racing because I was in a place of lack. But because I decided to come from a place of abundance and I decided to kind of manage my body sensations, it ended up that I got my first choice in apartments in Durango. So lesson learned that even when we are in that anxious mode, we are feeling it in our body.

when our stomach's flipping, we can acknowledge it. We don't have to stuff it. I talk to it. Hey, you know what? I see you. Anxiety, anxiousness, fear. I see you. I hear you, but right now I'm not holding space for you. Really, really hard to do. And as I get here, there's been some difficulties in building new community.

And it's not the people, the majority of the people here are so kind, so friendly. I love Colorado people in general, all over the state. But I'm being more discerning. I'm listening to my body more. I'm not hanging out in bars nearly as much as I did in Arizona. Because what I realized in Arizona is that all of my friends, I'm out of bars. Not necessarily bad people, but I outgrew them.

And I don't want that to happen again. So while yes, I am going to bars, I love karaoke, I love live music, I am not spending the majority of my free time there anymore. I'm finding different things to do going to festivals or you know, there's a writing club. There's two of them actually here that I've been attending just doing different things that don't necessarily involve alcohol. And really listening to my intuition. If I don't feel good about something, whether it's a person, someone I'm interested in dating,

or even in a business relationship. That has been the huge game changer for me in the past two weeks when I referred to that. So I had my human design chart done for the second time in like a month and it validated exactly what the first lady said. And I realized that there were some things in my life, particularly how I was running my business that were out of alignment and that some of these things I knew.

back in as early as February, that that was out of alignment. And I knew it. And I ignored it, stuffed it, made excuses for it. But my body has been telling me for three months, you need to find an alternative to this. And I didn't listen. I excused it away. You know how we do, like if you're in a relationship and he doesn't call for several days, well, you know, he has a job and he's busy or, well, you know, he has kids or.

you know, he's taking care of his mom, you she's living with him or whatever, whatever excuse we make for them for the behavior that isn't working for you. I did that, even though my body told me that it's time to move on. So I made the difficult decision to do my business differently to cut back on my hours to work with different people to not necessarily have as many meetings with networking.

opportunities to really be intentional. And that is meant I've had to say no to some people. And that is meant that I have not gotten some really positive reaction to that. There's been some very disappointing reactions to me. And in some cases, I've lost respect for some people. And so I'm navigating that disappointment and how that fills in my body as well.

but on the flip side of it, that opened the door for opportunities. Last night, I was just so excited with how my business is going and how it's changing and how it's starting to go in the direction I've been wanting it to go. This feeling washed over me of it's doing it right now in my arms, like this buzzing feeling that I don't exactly want to call it dopamine, but a rush.

like an adrenaline rush just came over my entire body. And I felt the momentum that I'm building. I felt the money that is coming to me. I felt the lives that I'm gonna touch that are now actually coming to fruition that I've worked so hard for over this past year. It was like a flush over my body.

And while on one hand, letting go of people, feeling those sensations has been uncomfortable. On the other hand, it's the necessary process and step to my next glass ceiling to break through it. My next edge as as my coach calls it. When we start to get in discomfort, it means we're going to break through another edge and I'm like busting through it. I feel it. And I don't think two years ago,

I would have been so aware of those body sensations. I would have mired in the emotional part of it and not acknowledged it stuffed it, not even been aware or ignored the body sensations where now I have the skills and the tools to use that to my advantage, even in the discomfort, even when something happens that upsets me, I am aware that my body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do. It's sending me the signal.

that I need to pay attention, it's giving me the opportunity for change.

And I'm really.

I'm really glad. Not just because I learned this because I can help other women, but I can't help other women until I heal myself as well.

As I move down this path of healing and I improve, I have more to share with you.

And that's exciting because not only is it bettering my life on a day to day basis, but now that wisdom, this knowledge is passed on to somebody else. And I would never want to repeat what happened to me in my childhood or my second marriage. But when I have these pivotal moments like I'm in right now, it's all worth it.

And when I see the aha moment go off in a woman's face, when I'm working with her, when she realizes she's not alone, that she's not crazy, that she's capable of attaining everything she's always wanted, it's made it 100 % worth everything I've gone through. And it's been my purpose.

I'm going to invite each of you to just be more aware of your body sensations.

Sit and be quiet for a couple of minutes and ask your body what it's trying to tell you. And really listen, even if you don't like what it says.

That is gonna be your game changer.

And then I want you to imagine if I wasn't feeling this negative emotion, if I was feeling the opposite of what I'm feeling, how would that feel in my body? And when you do feel that, pay attention to that as well.

Awareness is such a huge step in changing our behaviors and changing our habits. We can't change a problem we're not aware of.

Our next episode, we're gonna be talking about trauma-informed yoga. I am super excited. Our guest is going to be sharing that technique and how it also helps in our healing process. And it's gonna finish out the series before we begin the next one. So join me. Don't miss an episode. And if you are loving what you're hearing, please like and share, comment, send me that text. We're gonna get that glitch straightened out.

a friend because you have the power.

Darla Ridilla (19:01)
Thank you for listening to You Have the Power, the road to recovery from trauma and narcissistic abuse. I hope today's topic gave you some insight or inspired you to either start your recovery journey or remain on the road that leads to a more peaceful life. I'm looking forward to seeing you next time. If you like what you heard, please subscribe to the show and leave a review. I'm on several social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcast. Check out the show notes for the links. If today's episode spoke to your heart, I'd love to hear from you.

Tap the link in the show notes to send me a message. I'd be honored to connect with you. The content shared on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing discussed should be considered professional mental health advice. Please consult a qualified mental health professional for personalized support. I am not responsible for any decisions or actions taken by listeners based on the content shared. Keep tuning in because this is a journey that we are going to take together. You have the power.