51: Parenting Differently: From Triggered to Trusting with Debbie Simmons

Part 2 of Breaking the Cycle: Generational Trauma & Emotional Inheritance

What if your child’s meltdown was actually a mirror? What if every outburst, every triggered reaction, was pointing you back to your own healing?

In this powerful episode, I sit down with Debbie Simmons—a mother to nine adopted children, founder of Anchor Point, and a woman who has turned unthinkable pain into a powerful legacy. From infertility and the heartbreaking loss of her quadruplets to parenting children from trauma backgrounds, Debbie’s story is a testimony to faith, fierce love, and deep generational healing.

We talk about:

• The real reason our kids' behavior triggers us—and how to stop reacting from our wounds
• Why providing a safe emotional space is more important than any “perfect” parenting technique
• How to name and tame your nervous system in real-time
• The power of using your words, not your wounds, to connect with your children
• Her faith in God—as a platform for healing, wholeness, and leadership
• What it means to truly break generational patterns (and how to start today—even if it’s messy)

If you’re a woman who’s tired of repeating the patterns you swore you’d never pass on… this episode will challenge you, move you, and empower you to lead your family differently. Because legacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. And healing is not just possible—it’s generational.

Debbie Simmons:

https://anchorpoint.us/

https://thedebbiesimmons.com/

Darla Ridilla

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Transcript

Debbie Simmons (00:00)
So what I learned early on is that when I start to get triggered, okay, and I can feel it coming if I'm paying attention, I can feel it. My chest gets tight in me and I found most parents feel it somewhere, but I would begin to feel it and I need to name it and tame it right there.

Darla Ridilla (00:10)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (00:16)
I need to say, we teach parents, I've entered my shark waters. You know, and it's like Jaws, it's like dun dun, dun dun, ⁓ dun dun. And if I can name it, then I go, that's my shark waters. I can breathe, right? And I can go, that's just me. And when I name it, I can realize that, hey, I can tame it, but I can take a minute for me, or I can do whatever I need to do for me.

Darla Ridilla (00:20)
yes. Yes, I love that.

huh. Right.

Debbie Simmons (00:41)
to be able to be in the space with my kid.

Darla Ridilla (00:45)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to recovery from trauma and narcissistic abuse. I'm Darla Ridilla a certified somatic trauma informed relationship coach. I help high achieving women be as successful in love as they are in their careers. If you're the woman who has it all together on the outside, but deep down you feel unseen, undervalued or stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns, you are in the right place. This podcast is your space to break the cycle, to understand the real reasons you feel disconnected in your relationships.

and to heal so you can finally feel safe, seen, and deeply loved without sacrificing your success. Each week, I share raw stories, practical tools, and unfiltered truths about trauma recovery, healthy love, and what it really takes to reinvent your relationships. Let's get started with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (01:34)
Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of You Have the Power. We have another guest today and I'm super excited to introduce her. Today's guest is someone who's not just parenting differently. She's redefining what legacy looks like. Debbie Simmons is a mother to nine adopted children, each from a trauma background. Her journey began in the silence of infertility and deepened through profound loss.

before evolving into a powerful mission to help other families break generational cycles and create safe, healing homes. She's the founder of Anchor Point, a ministry dedicated to walking alongside parents who are navigating trauma, chaos, and their own healing. Debbie brings a unique blend of lived experience, practical wisdom, and faith-based tools like her simplified tapping technique to help families find hope in the hard moments. In this conversation,

You'll hear not only how Debbie broke the cycle, but how she's teaching others to do the same. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to raise children from trauma while still healing yourself, this is an episode you don't want to miss. Welcome to the show, Debbie.

Debbie Simmons (02:48)
you

It's good to be here with you.

Darla Ridilla (02:53)
It's a pleasure to have you. I'm so excited to have this conversation and we're going to dive right in. So whatever you're comfortable sharing, if you want to share your story of how it all began with the infertility that you experienced and that was the early chapter of your life that really just taught you about resilience and surrender.

Debbie Simmons (03:15)
Yeah, I'd be glad to do that. What I like to tell people is, you my story has a lot of highs and a lot of lows, so we kind of just buckle up and we'll work our way through them. ⁓ But you have to understand that when I was a teenager, I had this dream of being a young grandma. And it was because my grandparents were all passed away by the time I came along for the most part. And we had a lady in our life that kind of adopted us.

as a grandma and I loved her and I watched her though suffer with multiple sclerosis for decades and I learned you know kind of joy and suffering from her and she's a wonderful lady and everything but it also made me just go I want to be young I want to be able to run around with grandkids and so this is in my mind right and I'm a girl that can accomplish anything so you know I realized okay I gotta find a guy fall in love get married have children then

be a young grandma. So off I set on my journey and I found the guy, fell in love and got married right after college and was like let's get started on these kids because I want to be a young grandma. And infertility became the name of the game. Four long years of nothing, nothing. I remember right as we got to the end we got into a fertility study at the Baylor College of Medicine.

We ended up on the fertility medicine, not the placebo, and we had three tries. And the first try, my cycle came and I mean, I took myself home, threw myself on the bed, and I was like, this is terrible. I'm a failure as a woman. I'm a failure as a wife. I'm a failure as a future mother and grandmother. I can't do this. And, you know, I just wish I was dead because I just felt like, my gosh, I can do anything, but I can't get my body to work.

the way it's supposed to work, right? And so my husband came home, he was super gracious and he just said, you know, we have two more tries. And I was like, I'll be mopey tonight and tomorrow I'll get up and get up the next day. And we went about it again and the second time didn't work. the third time, ⁓ you know, this was it. It was either this or we're gonna have to think about other things. And we were blessed.

that we did get pregnant and we went to two different doctors, two hours apart, two different ultrasounds, and we ended up being told that we were pregnant with twins. I was like, this is great. I am back on track for young grandma. You know, I'm good. This is good. We'll just do them two at a time. And we started, you know, walking that journey and around 13 weeks, ⁓ I started bleeding everywhere. And we were concerned that

I was gonna miscarry, so they sent me to the emergency room. Emergency room sends you home over the weekend, tells you to go to the high-risk doctor on Monday and to just keep your feet up, right? And don't chew too, and they did put a Doppler on my stomach and they could hear one heartbeat at least. They thought maybe it two, but one, so you don't know if you're losing one, not the other. So it was kind of a little bit of a stressful weekend, but we got to the high-risk doctor.

And we got to the high risk doctor, know, everything in this kind of world is hurry up and wait. And so we're sitting in the lobby and my, look at my husband and I go, wouldn't it be funny if we go in there, we think we're going to lose one or both of the babies. So wouldn't it be funny if they told us we were having triplets? I said, that would be funny. And ha ha, you know, and so we go in there and the, ⁓

Darla Ridilla (06:57)
you

Debbie Simmons (06:59)
The lady puts the little technician puts a probe on me and starts looking and I can immediately see, there's three. And I was like, wow, no, whoa. Cause we had kind of figured out two and like three was like, boy. And I'm the breadwinner in the family at that time. My husband's a graduate school. She does her little thing. She measures everything and she says, let's take one more picture.

Darla Ridilla (07:08)
wow.

Debbie Simmons (07:25)
We'll put them all on the screen for you, mom." And I'm like, okay. So she's moving the probe around trying to get all three of the babies on the screen. And I immediately noticed that there is four. And I'm like, ⁓ there's four. And I said, okay, don't look for anymore because it's already high risk. And if there's five, six, seven, eight in there, it doesn't matter. know, we're just, this is enough, you know? And she was like, I think I need to get the doctor. And I was like, yeah, probably so.

Darla Ridilla (07:48)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (07:52)
And so she went and got the doctor and the doctor came in and was like, yeah, there's four and we're going to help you figure your way. So I was trying, my body was sending up warning signs is why I was bleeding because I wasn't eating and taking care of five of us. ⁓ you know, and so we made the adjustments and we realized that to make it to the next day is pretty amazing. And so off we go doing the things that we need to do. ⁓ our goal is to get to 30 weeks.

At 23 weeks, we go to tour the hospital because I'm very large and I don't think I'm going to be walking much more. And so as we're on our way, traveling down the Houston freeway, traffic slows down and the car behind us rear ends us. And I remember telling my husband, I don't feel very good. I couldn't really feel anything anyway, but I was like, I don't feel very good. We dealt with the cops and we still went on to the hospital. And by the time we got to the hospital, was like, I was like, Scott, I don't feel good at all.

And so I convinced the hospital to check me in because I was like, I don't want to drive home and have to come back. I said, put me on a monitor. I said, I don't feel very good. And they did. And I was having contractions about two minutes apart and they hydrated me, got it all under control, kept me overnight and let me go home the next day. And when we went home, what we realized was to make it to the next day is a miracle. Right. Every day is now just high risk pregnancies are that away.

And so we went home, continued on our way and around 26 weeks I woke up, was walking around and realized that there was water on the floor. My initial thought was those kids are sitting on my kidneys and I'm going to have to wear a diaper the rest of my life, you know, but I realized that, oh, it might be water breaking and that that might be the issue. So I told my husband, said, we got to go back to the doctor, but bring my bag for the hospital because

Darla Ridilla (09:35)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (09:50)
If it is the water breaking, they're gonna send me to the hospital. And so we took everything and went to the doctor. They told me the water had broken one of the sacks and I was going to the hospital. The hospital was not ready for me and I wasn't ready for the hospital. So I lost it that day. That was like going to jail in my mind because I was going to get in a bed and I wasn't gonna get up again until the babies arrived.

Darla Ridilla (10:06)
Ha ha ha!

Debbie Simmons (10:15)
And our goal, we're 26 weeks, my goal is 30 weeks. So I'm like going, oh my gosh, how in the world am I gonna figure this out, right? So I get to the hospital and I tell my husband, said, please just stay this first night with me. Especially because I said, you just gotta help me get settled. And of course I called my parents and I'm like, ah, you know, my mom's like, we're coming, we'll leave in the morning and we'll be there by nine. And they were coming from Mississippi to Texas. And I was like, okay, so we made it through the night.

The very next morning I woke up and I was in a lot of pain ⁓ and I knew I was having contractions and I told my husband to go get the doctor. She came in and she checked everything out and she said, well, the baby is sticking his hand through your stitch cervix, which is why you're in so much pain and waving kind of to the world that hey, hey, hey, I'm coming. You're not, you know, if you weren't paying attention before I'm here. And

Darla Ridilla (11:10)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (11:13)
He said, she looked at me and she said, you're gonna have to deliver this baby. And I just remember just being kind of shocked and I was like, know, can we just stop time and push that hand back in and forget that this ever happened and just go on with life. And she looked at me and shook her head and was like, no, you have to deliver the baby. And I knew at that point that

medical technology would not be able to save this child. ⁓ In today's world, medical technology saves these children. ⁓ So they sent me off to surgery, brought me back into the room and said, now you wait. And so I waited and we waited. And a couple hours later, little Zach came into the world and they placed Zach directly into my arms. And ⁓ I just spent my time with him.

just loving him and he took his little hand and wrapped it around my finger and squeezed as if to say, hey, I'm here, I'm here. And I just loved that little boy till he passed into eternity. ⁓ And then we waited to see what would happen. ⁓ And as it turns out, a couple hours later, I was very, very sick and my blood work was messed up. And so my body was rejecting the other three.

⁓ And the doctor came in and said, you're going to have to induce the others. you know, another time we're going, can time stand still and can we not do this? And she's like, no, you have to do this. And I breathed and said, okay, I'm going to figure my way through this. And they induced and we waited. And a couple hours later, Josh, Nate and Chris came into the world, placed them in my arms and I did it again.

I loved those little kiddos the whole time I had them until they passed into eternity. And, you know, at the end of that very long day, ⁓ we should have been, you know, celebrating and everything. And here we are trying to plan four funerals. And it's not what you go to the hospital for when you go to celebrate a birth, right? And I just remember being in the hospital room after

everything had kind of settled with my husband and I was trying to figure my way. Like how in the world do you figure your way through this? Like this is like a lot, you know? And I'm just like, I tried to think through like, can I get through this? And I just couldn't come up with anything other than for me particularly to trust God in this situation. And so that night in the hospital, I just said, okay, God, I'm gonna trust you. You gave me a love of children and

Darla Ridilla (13:45)
Yes.

Debbie Simmons (14:03)
hole in this heart, my heart for children and I want to be this young grandma and you've placed all these things in me and I can't figure out how to do it and I don't know where anywhere else to turn and here's what I here's the things that I learned that have stuck with me all my life is you know when we hit hard situations the question in me that arises and it did that night was

Why me? Why this? Why my boys? Why, why, why? It's the question that I hold on to like so tight and I realized that if God himself would have stood in front of me that day or anybody else for that matter would have tried to answer my why question, it never would satisfy me. It wouldn't bring my boys back. It wouldn't change the pain. It wouldn't. And so why for me is a question where I am stuck.

I'm very inward focused and I'm stuck and I can't figure out how to get past it. Now, why is an excellent security blanket too? Because it's the only last thing I have to hold on to because my boys are gone. And so God is like, I need you to give me your why. And I'm like, no, I like my why. It like justifies everything that I'm saying. And he's like, give me the why. And I'm like, ⁓ I'm like, okay, here's my why. And then I'm like, what do I do? Like,

Darla Ridilla (15:17)
Ha ha ha!

Debbie Simmons (15:27)
You just took my security blanket, now what? Like I'm completely naked now, right? And he's like, ask me a different question. And I'm like, what? I'm like, I don't have any ideas. And he's like, ask me, how do I survive? So it's a question I began to ask, like, how do I survive this? And it came down to breathing a deep, good deep in breath through the nose, out through the mouth.

because that moves us into our prefrontal cortex and it says we're alive. ⁓ And then figuring out what my next best step was. What was the next thing that I could do to move in a positive direction? No matter how big or how small, not the next right step because the right step will paralyze us too, but just the next best step. So you know what I did? I took that next best step that I could think of and an amazing thing happened. I took it in faith and obedience and trusting Him.

And as I took that step, God showed up and met me there. And he put a light at my feet to show me the next step. And I did the next one, he showed up. I did the next one, I showed up. And this was my journey of healing to begin to work my way through that, especially that next year when everything is different. ⁓ And somewhere along that journey, a really cool thing happened. I do want to tell you, so in case anybody thinks I'm like some superhero,

Darla Ridilla (16:47)
Yes.

Debbie Simmons (16:50)
My next best step some days was like pull the cover off of my head, sit up, brush my teeth and walk around five minutes and get back in the bed. And that was it. And then other days it's go out and tackle the world, you know, but ⁓ it's okay. It's a positive step in the right direction. ⁓ But somewhere in there, my question began to change because I knew I wanted to live. I wanted to have joy. I wanted to smile. I wanted to be able to do things. I didn't want to die.

in that circumstance and be stuck in those emotions. And so I began to ask God, how do I thrive in this situation? How do I thrive? You promised to redeem stories and I want you to take mine and redeem it and show me how to live this life in a good, productive, and way that would bring you glory and amazing things began to happen then.

is God opened the doors for me to work with women who had lost children, to lead grief groups. And that ultimately, as we're gonna talk about, us on the journey of adoption of nine. It led to starting the ministry that ⁓ ministers to thousands of people each and every year, families and children. And then it led to writing the book, The Heart of Legacy. And that all happens because I went through that hard thing. And so did I get my dream?

Being a young grandma. Yeah, I got 15 kids grandkids and I love it But it wasn't exactly the way I had planned But it's still something that's very sweet and better than I could have ever dreamed or imagined

Darla Ridilla (18:27)
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Darla Ridilla (19:35)
You know, you bring up a couple of really good points. And first of all, I can't even imagine that kind of loss. I had a miscarriage at only six weeks with one child. And that was devastating enough. can't imagine actually carrying those children, several of them, and then actually holding them. And so I'm just in admiration, first of all, that you were able to work through that and process that kind of grief. ⁓ And you mentioned

Debbie Simmons (19:36)
you

and only six weeks of sweat. ⁓

Thanks.

Thanks.

and

Darla Ridilla (20:03)
about how some days it was just pulling the covers off of your head. And that's such a realistic process in grief because it's a roller coaster. Some days are great, some days are bad. And every little victory is a victory for sure. Right?

Debbie Simmons (20:20)
Yes,

I think we have to, here's what I think we have to realize. Most people don't understand that when you go through this kind of, whatever shift it is in your life, you can't return back to the way things used to be because you are different. And so now, after losing the boys, I have a whole year of new experiences. Okay, so every season, I mean, like I had the boys April 1st, what's the next thing? Mother's Day.

Well, that was a joy, you know, that first one, you know, it was really hard. I was sitting in church service and I looked at my husband and when they started talking about the moms and who can stand up for this or whatever, I looked at him, I'm like, dude, I gotta go outside. I can't handle this right now. And so I just took care of myself, right? And then Father's Day or when the babies would arrive, you know, just Christmas, the whole list goes on of the things that we grieve and

Darla Ridilla (20:50)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (21:15)
The second time around gets a little easier, but it's a whole year. And so we have to be gentle with ourselves and with each other and know that it's not always every step's forward. The question is, am I making forward progress? you know, so, yeah.

Darla Ridilla (21:30)
Yes,

absolutely. And, you know, and finally that sometimes what we ask for, it doesn't look like how we envision it originally. We do get the gifts, but they often come in different packages than we ordered. Let's put it that way. You know, and this is where I'd love to kind of get into that story of, ⁓ you know, this is this episode's being included in a generational trauma series. And I felt like this was such an appropriate story for that.

because I'd love to hear how you started to adopt and how you manage nine children, first of all. And I can't imagine that I had one. And you've got a lot of challenges with these children because they have a history of trauma. So I'd love to hear a little bit more about that as well.

Debbie Simmons (22:10)
You

Sure, went probably after ⁓ we lost the boys. tried, like within about a year I tried to start getting pregnant again and I just couldn't handle it. I was just too exhausted, worn out. My body was just, it was just done. And so it was a couple of years later.

after I had left my engineering job and I was working full-time in ministry and my husband and I were in the same place and we both had jobs for the first time in our whole life and I looked at him and I'm like, okay dude, we either have to get pregnant because I still got this young grandma thing or would we think about adopting? And we had never sat down and had a discussion around this subject. And we didn't really know but we knew like we were okay with not having

babies. ⁓ And we knew we wanted about four kids, and we didn't feel like we could afford international adoption. So we kind of landed in dealing with children who were in the CPS system. And we knew that we didn't want to foster. We wanted to what they call straight adopt. So kids that are legally free in the foster care system, and we knew that we were okay with sibling groups. ⁓ So we had kind of these parameters in our head, and that's about all we really knew.

The third time around I was much wiser, but the first time around, ⁓ and so we just kind of trusted that God would show us how to work our way. I had a lot of experience with kids and all this stuff, and so we weren't afraid of children, but you you don't know exactly where you're going, but if you adopt siblings, you can see a lot of times how their attachment works with each other and see if they're capable of attaching and stuff like that. And so,

Darla Ridilla (24:07)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (24:11)
We just started the journey and ended up adopting our first time a sibling group of five. And they were ⁓ six, seven, eight, nine, and 10. So we moved a wonderful basketball team in our house. And so you didn't have to worry about whether they knew how to play. They brought the team with them. So they just played. Didn't matter if you had neighbors. You had so many.

Darla Ridilla (24:24)
You

Debbie Simmons (24:35)
It radically shifted our lives because my husband and I at that point had been married 11 years or so and we come kind of set in our ways by then because it's just two of us, right? And so these kids come in and this cutest little thing was a very first day. The youngest one comes in and it's about five and he looks up in my face and he's like, mom, what is for dinner? And I looked down at this kid and I'm like,

Darla Ridilla (24:46)
Right.

Debbie Simmons (25:03)
Dude, do you ask this every day? He's like, yeah. And I'm like, I am sorely unprepared because I don't cook really. so I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, I got to figure out. So this master said I have an organizational management kicks in ⁓ and systems for everything. You got to wash days for certain people. You teach them how to wash. You got.

Darla Ridilla (25:27)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (25:30)
this and cleaning and this kind of food and you just get a lot of structure really fast when you have five. ⁓ Because if not you're gonna go crazy. When everybody leaves their shoes down it's terrible you know and so you just you can't relent you just kind of have strong nurture and strong structure ⁓ with them and so we just learned that very quickly and ⁓

Darla Ridilla (25:39)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (25:53)
I implemented the systems and I'm like, we're getting, but we did eat on paper plates for six months because I just couldn't handle the dishes. so, it was funny, my kids, when I made them start using dishes, they're like, what? know, ⁓ normal people do. We're going to use like real dishes. And they're like, And I'm like, so we came up with something creator.

Darla Ridilla (26:00)
That's a lot of dishes. Yeah.

Why?

Right, right.

Debbie Simmons (26:19)
creative, we created the germ fighter who cleaned up in the kitchen and eliminated the germs. They did the kitchen with the headlamp on and their lights off, you know, and all good stuff. So it was fun. But I will tell you, my kids come with trauma backgrounds. They were generally taken away for abuse or neglect. ⁓ And so in their histories, there are things that ⁓ have been done to them and they've experienced that no children should have to experience. And so

Darla Ridilla (26:23)
Ha ha ha!

Debbie Simmons (26:48)
What I find is that, you know, the things that maybe I experienced as a parent, ⁓ you know, how we parent is one of two ways. We either do what we saw our parents do because we thought they did it good and we liked it, or we do the opposite of that. Because parenting is the one job in the world you can get without any required training. You just go to the hospital and you have a baby and they give it to you. It's like an amazing amount of responsibility with no training.

Darla Ridilla (27:01)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (27:17)
And like you're like going you're gonna let me take care of that baby, you know, and so ⁓ They do a little more training and adoption, but it's still the same thing It's like ⁓ boy and these children don't come with instruction manuals. They are the instruction manuals, right and so ⁓ What here's what I found over the year. So we did one adoption then we did seven or eight years later we adopted another sibling group of two and then about three years later we adopted another sibling group of two and ⁓

Darla Ridilla (27:17)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (27:46)
What I found is that ⁓ my children have a lot of growing to do and a lot of healing to do. But the biggest growth in this whole situation has been in my life and learning to be the mom that they need me to be. So ⁓ my kid loses it and you know what? It hits a sensitive spot in me and my history. Because they're really good at those things. They just hit the right buttons. They don't even how they found them, but they hit it.

Darla Ridilla (28:10)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (28:14)
And what happens, I react out of my woundedness, not because of what it's done, but because it's my woundedness getting lit up. And then the kid reacts poorly and then I react poorly. And now I got this huge tornado and I'm in it and they're in it. And it's like, how do I land us without killing everybody? And so, you you land those things and we all bear the scars of it in the end, right? And you don't...

Darla Ridilla (28:18)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (28:42)
never want to be a mom that yells back or does those things, but if I'm working out of my woundedness, I'm working out of the emotional part of my brain. mean, it happens so fast that you can't, you don't even realize it, right? So what I learned early on is that when I start to get triggered, okay, and I can feel it coming if I'm paying attention, I can feel it. My chest gets tight in me and I found most parents feel it somewhere, but I would begin to feel it and I need to name it and tame it right there.

Darla Ridilla (29:05)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (29:12)
I need to say, ⁓ we teach parents, I've entered my shark waters. You know, and it's like Jaws, it's like dun dun, dun dun, ⁓ dun dun. And if I can name it, then I go, that's my shark waters. I can breathe, right? And I can go, ⁓ that's just me. And when I name it, I can realize that, hey, I can tame it, but I can take a minute for me, or I can do whatever I need to do for me.

Darla Ridilla (29:18)
yes. Yes, I love that.

huh. Right.

Debbie Simmons (29:39)
to be able to be in the space with my kid. I also know that I probably need to go do some deeper work on me so that if I ever am in this situation again, I don't get let up, right? And so I would all, it was funny, I'd be in the middle of losing it and I'd be knowing it. And I'm like texting one of my buddy who runs the prayer ministry at the church. I'm like, chick, put me on the schedule. I gotta figure out how to be a good mom.

Darla Ridilla (30:03)
Ha ha ha ha!

Debbie Simmons (30:05)
I'm still trying to figure out my situation and I mean I scheduled it just like that and she said okay I got a spot in a week I'm like great put me on there and then I'm back to dealing with my kid but if I can get healthy here's the deal I can't take my children through their healing journeys if I've not been willing to go myself because we can never lead someone where we're not willing to go and so I just learned very quickly that

God gave me nine children because I have a lot of healing to do. So I needed to be confident to work on me so that I could be fully present in working with them when they were losing it. So if I had a child yelling at me or cussing me or whatever, I needed to be able to stay in that space and still have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, general self-control. That's a lot.

Darla Ridilla (30:35)
Yes.

Debbie Simmons (30:57)
You know, what I needed to be able to do was look in that kid's eyes and be able to see their preciousness. And what I needed to hear them say is, Mom, I need you now more than ever, but I don't know how to tell you. I don't know how to communicate this to you. And basically the behavior that I'm displaying is the best I got.

And when I can see my kid through that lens and I can understand, and then the other thing about trauma kids is this child may have been a 10 year old, they have worldly wisdom of an 18 year old based on life experiences, but when they lose it, they're behaving like a five year old. Okay, so if I am trying to correct or deal with my child at the 10 year old level when they're losing it,

We're wasting time. It's just going to be bad, right? Because he's not capable of performing at that level. So I have to look at him and go, ⁓ he's five right now. So how would I deal with a five-year-old? I deal very differently than a 10-year-old. So I'm going to drop down to where he is and work to get him back on track and then to get him back up to the 10-year-old that I know he needs to be.

but I'm gonna move my bar lower and we're gonna get success and we're gonna get back online. ⁓ And so those are a lot of the things that we just learned early. I learned, ⁓ the other thing I learned is that, when kids don't feel safe, they can't give you their heart and they can't unlock learning either. And so we have to understand that I may know.

that my kids are safe with me and I may know my house is safe and that they're not gonna get hurt and all this stuff, but they don't know that yet, especially when they first come. Because the people who are closest to them and we're supposed to love them are generally the ones that have hurt them. And so they have to learn to trust you. So in order to trust you, they do a couple of things. When they first come in, they are beautiful. It's a honeymoon period and everything's good and they do everything right.

And then once they go, she loves me when I'm good, right? Then they go, okay, when I'm done bad things, people have rejected me or hurt me or whatever. So now I gotta try this lady out on all my bad things because if she's gonna reject me, I want her to do it now. And so they start trying everything that has ever worked to get them rejected. And they're seeing if...

Darla Ridilla (33:33)
Yep.

Debbie Simmons (33:35)
we're going to stay solid, like a nice solid wall. Do you move when I push on you, right? And so I affectionately call that period hell, ⁓ because it's terrible. But they've got to try, they got to try all this out because they got to figure out if they can really trust you and they don't know. And this is the only way they know how to do it, right? And so, so they, so you can't just have a conversation around it. So they'll push and push and push and push and

Darla Ridilla (33:46)
Yeah.

Debbie Simmons (34:05)
you do you stay steady, rock steady? Do you stay in there with them and you're committed to them no matter what? And then at some point they work through all their stuff, right? All these different ways they need to try you. And then you get to a new normal. And then one of the ways you know that your kids feel safe is that they can truly laugh freely. And when they can laugh freely, not like, ha, you know, when they can run.

Darla Ridilla (34:33)
Yes, a belly laugh, right?

Debbie Simmons (34:35)
Yeah,

they can run and they can laugh, then they feel safe and then learning is unlocked, connection is unlocked. But it takes us a while to get there and I have to be very steady and firm in that process to get us there. And you know, I gotta tell you, half that time when they're going through their bad stuff, it's

feels very personal. And so I'm like, it's not personal, it's not personal. ⁓ And ⁓ it's not really, it's just them trying to figure their way. kids do this anyway, theirs is just magnified in light of the trauma that we carry ⁓ through our lives. as my kids, my kids have lots of stuff in their backgrounds and ⁓

Darla Ridilla (35:00)
Yeah.

Debbie Simmons (35:26)
I know that when they're ready, we'll be able to work through them. And some would go faster than others. And the question is, do I as a mom keep the door open for those conversations? So I would have like kids tell me, you have no idea what I've experienced. And I'm like, no, you're right. But you know what? I want to know. And I want to be there for you. So when you're ready to talk, you know, I'm here.

I'm not going to force you to do it and I know you're throwing that at my face right this second as an excuse, but I want you to know the door's open and when you're ready, we're going to talk because this doesn't have to define you. It's a part of who you are, but it doesn't, you don't have to be the victim to this and we can figure our way. And I trust that if they're not ready then that God's still writing a good story and that he will give them another opportunity.

Some have taken some stuff into adulthood and I'm like, you're gonna have to deal with this. And I'm still here, you know, I said I'll help you when you hit bottom, but this is what we gotta deal with. And so that's part, that's some of it. I don't know if that answer is exactly what you were looking for or not.

Darla Ridilla (36:36)
Yeah. I wish I'd had some of those tools. As a mother, I came from a household where it was very abusive. And whoever yelled the loudest got heard. Well, we thought we got heard. We didn't. But we had the flora, at least. ⁓ And so I made a lot of mistakes myself as a parent. I was a yeller. I was always very on edge and upset.

Debbie Simmons (36:40)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (37:01)
And I'm sure for my daughter, that was very hard. You know, I've been trying to repair some of the things that happened over the years, because I can't go back and change what happened, but I can certainly move forward. But I didn't have that. I wrote it down, name it and tame it. ⁓ my gosh. I didn't know that when my child triggered me, it was an opportunity for me to be better. It was, I'm upset right now, and I'm going to beat you. You know, not beat you literally, but right? You're going to get a spanking.

Debbie Simmons (37:01)
Yes.

You

Not only

am I like triggered, it's like what it has unearthed in you. It's like a feeling of this is life or death. If I don't stop this, this child will eat me alive.

Darla Ridilla (37:40)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I didn't

even deal with like the high trauma. mean, the trauma my daughter has is think, think, because of me, you know, in her, you know, whatever. But that it, I mean, and it's, I love how you just said that about how there's, you looked at as an opportunity not only to help them, but to help yourself. And it's so important to give them that safe space.

Debbie Simmons (37:46)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (38:10)
I don't think kids that have experienced particularly really extreme trauma can heal if they don't find someone in their lifetime and earlier the better where they can feel safe to even just express it, to voice it because talking about it is power.

Debbie Simmons (38:14)
You're so sick.

safe to people, to explain stuff, to force things.

Yeah, so the deal is, is for all of us to heal, we need safe people. It doesn't matter what your age, you know, so like we deal with women who have had abortions many years ago and deal with shame, guilt, all that good stuff, and they're in bondage really. And, you know, getting them into a abortion recovery group where they can begin to work through those things.

Darla Ridilla (38:33)
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yes.

Debbie Simmons (38:53)
they realize, my gosh, I isolated myself and I thought I was the only one with a story and there's power in the community that happens. So this is very true with kids because with kids, when we go through abuse and stuff like that, or like even like in your situation, when you're losing it, what happens with this little kid is this little kid's going.

The big adult that's supposed to have it together and be safe for me is like, they're like looking at you going, they're losing it. And if they're losing it and they can't figure their way in the world, then that means I must be on my own. And I got news and the little kid is going, I got news for you. It's a really big world and I don't know how to do it. So then they manipulate, they control, they do all these things as protective measures.

versus learning, so they get maladaptive behaviors versus learning how to work through their emotions. And that's why when we do therapeutic camps with the kids, one of the things we ask them to do is to give up maladaptive behaviors. Now, if you ask a kid to give up a maladaptive behavior that they have used for surviving, okay, we must replace it.

with some tools that they can use to get their needs met when they use their words instead of their behaviors, or it really is abuse because you're taking away their survival mechanism. And so it's amazing when we can get kids to be in a safe space, begin to lay those maladaptive behaviors down and begin to work and try and do new things. And we can rewire the brain with them to do these new things and to get parents in line with how.

how they can do it with their kids is just phenomenal ⁓ for creating an opportunity for these kids to be successful because their trajectories are way off and we need to fix that and get them closer. They may never get all the way back up there, but they can do things ⁓ and they can be successful. ⁓ And maybe my kids aren't gonna be ⁓ valedictorians of high school, but they can certainly do a hands-on trade.

⁓ and be very successful. ⁓ And if they have learned to use their words and to give and receive care and to be okay in groups and to be okay alone, you know what? They're gonna end up being pretty successful. Okay, and. Yeah, no, it definitely is because it's way, we try and unlock, we spend a lot of time working on learning. And you know what? You never unlock learning unless you can get this other piece right. And when we get this other piece right, then.

Darla Ridilla (41:14)
Mm-hmm.

I think that's success. Go ahead.

Debbie Simmons (41:36)
the kids now they like light up because they can learn because all of this stress and chaos is reduced, safety is there and now we've got the atmosphere to be able to learn. ⁓ And it's a beautiful thing and helping parents, if I'm the parent and getting healthy and I can see how to now do that with my kid, what I realize is ⁓ we look at it from a standpoint of

you know, lot of us like to correct, correct, correct, empower, and then we'll connect, you know, once everything's good, okay? Well, we gotta flip that. We gotta connect, connect, connect, empower, and then we have to do very little correction. But you know what, for me, I go flipping that sucker around and doing the connection thing, I'm like.

my gosh, they're going to email eat me alive. I have to trust the process, right? But here's the deal. When these kids turn 18 or they get out of the house, they're getting to be teenagers or whatever. ⁓ If I haven't flipped the script on that and focused on connect, connect, connect, empower and the correction I have to do very little of the connect piece is the only thing I have when they leave the house. ⁓ And so.

Darla Ridilla (42:28)
A scary prospect, isn't it?

Debbie Simmons (42:56)
I want that heart connection to be there so that because when my kids get out in the world, let's say they hadn't dealt with some of their stuff, you know what? The world is hard and it's going to get them. And I know it and I'm like, I'm still here. I love you no matter where you are. And when you get bottom, I'm ready to help you do whatever you need to do. You know, I don't approve of what you're doing right now, but you know, I love you and I'm in here for you. And so we just have to realize

that that is the way this works. it's a, I go hold the line when they're young, because it's a lot harder when they're in those adult years. And you can't, I can't, you know, take the place of what the police arresting them or, you know, what drug use does to you or all those things. Those are hard ⁓ from that perspective.

Darla Ridilla (43:46)
And it doesn't break that generational trauma, that pattern. You know, what you're really doing one child

at a time is you're interrupting a pattern, but it's not just affecting one child. It's not going to affect everyone that comes into their lives, particularly if they have families of their own, because if they haven't had any of that type of upbringing, they're just going to just like I did, just like my mother did, they're going to pass on that maladaptive behavior onto their child. Because even now as an adult, I'm still

Debbie Simmons (43:54)
But it's not just a few words like a double double, but four or five words. Because it has to be reasonable idea. Because it's not just any of that. It's something for you. It's something for whole conversation.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (44:16)
Realizing who that was a survival instinct or a survival behavior I did as a child and it's not working as an adult and I need to shift it but if I you know, and it's it is hard, I'm in 56 and I'm still finding things but if you're if you're Taking them under your wing and you're genuinely, you know showing them. Hey the world can be a safe place in some spaces

and you're giving them permission to be who they are, permission to work through it, they're going to take that. When you talked about success in the Vala Victorian, that to me is just like a degree, a piece of paper on a wall. You can have accolades from society, but does that make you a good person? No, it doesn't.

Debbie Simmons (45:03)
Yes.

Yeah, it's one thing I do want parents to realize too as we're dealing with, mean, and these can be biological children can have trauma too. We just don't understand that it happens with prematurity, stress during pregnancy and NICU stays. Okay, this can alter the trajectory of children also. So a lot of kids that come to camp have those kinds of backgrounds and the parents just don't realize they just go.

Darla Ridilla (45:29)
Yes.

Debbie Simmons (45:40)
I just don't get this kid, you know, and this is why because they are off a little bit. We need to work with those families. But one of the things I teach families is, ⁓ you know, if you and I get it right about 30 % of the time, our kids are going to be okay. All right? And it's actually better for us to not get it right all the time. Okay?

That's really freeing. I have lots of dad to go 30%. I can do that. I'm like, yeah. And you know, if you think about it, you know, anybody that bats 300 in Major League Baseball is in the Hall of Fame, right? And that's 30%. And so these dads go, okay, I can get it right every third time. But the actual resilience is actually built when it doesn't go well.

Darla Ridilla (46:18)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (46:31)
And we stay committed to closing the loop back and getting the relationship back on track. So it's actually better when our kids see us grew up and come back and apologize and kind of get back on there and moving forward together because we want them to learn resilience. So a lot of kids who have never experienced something like that, they get out there in life and they hit a road bump at 10 miles an hour. And they're like, I don't know what to do with that.

Darla Ridilla (46:42)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (47:01)
You know, my kids are like, ⁓ I know what to do with that. Okay, here's what we do, da da da da, you know. And we can figure our way through this. So actually it's a very positive thing that everything is not perfect. And so that releases a lot of pressure on me that I gotta have it perfect. I'm like, I can do one out of three. Okay, I can do this, you know, that type of thing.

Darla Ridilla (47:06)
Mm-hmm.

And it shows them

they don't have to be perfect because there's a lot of parents, hear a lot of adults saying as a child, I was expected to be perfect. I dated a guy like that and I understand now why he's so messed up and it didn't work out. He was expected to be perfect all the time. He was always in the public eye and his environment and that no one can hold that standard.

Debbie Simmons (47:25)
you

Yeah, it's it's hard. And unrealistic. So I think I mean, but we as parents go into this and we go, oh, I'm going to be the best mom. I'm going to be perfect, you know, and I'm going to do everything right by this child. And then we think the child is, you know, our buddy and our friend and I'm not the parent and that's a problem. And, then.

Darla Ridilla (47:50)
Yeah, yeah.

Mm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (48:11)
And then the child, you know what? They have their own free will. And guess what? They say, no, Barry. Matter of fact, most of them learn no before they learn mama. And you're like, no. And I'm like, what are you talking about? No.

Darla Ridilla (48:20)
Yes they do.

Yeah, I was lucky

enough to have a child that was rebellious like me. And yeah, I got a taste of my own medicine. But you know, it's OK because they're all different. ⁓ Yeah. And I wish I could go back in time and learn all of those lessons. But I'll have an opportunity. ⁓ You know, as far as

generational trauma that does occur. ⁓ My goal is to be the cycle breaker. There's been a lot of it. The reason that I was abused as a child is because my father was abused, my mother was abused. You go to the generation back, they were abused. And I want to be that person that breaks that cycle. Is it going to be perfect? No. I made enough of my own mistakes. I was so determined. I'm not going to make the mistakes my mom did. So I just made a whole other... ⁓

Debbie Simmons (49:07)
Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Darla Ridilla (49:29)
Man ship them.

Debbie Simmons (49:31)
Yeah, and we're fully capable of being those breakers of the bondage that can go and like I even think about my kids who maybe have gotten into adulthood and gotten situations where they're still kind of in they're living in still some of that stuff and they've had some of my grandbabies now and so I just go my job as a mom is and a grandma is to

Darla Ridilla (49:48)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (49:59)
keep planting positive seeds and to leave them a bridge to Jesus. That's my job. ⁓ I can't control everything they do, but they can know that they are deeply loved. ⁓ I don't agree with everything they do, but you know, like with my grandkids, I just pour love into them, pour love into them, and I'm going, if we didn't get it with you, mama, we're gonna try and get it with you. ⁓ And I go, they are such... ⁓

these kids are in such a better place than my child was. ⁓ And I'm going, okay guys, let's hang out with Lottley. We got lots of things we can do and I just wanna love them and see their value and even if they're in situations my child is with another person or whatever and it's not ideal, I still wanna figure out how to get in those grandbabies' lives and... ⁓

intercede kind of on their behalf ⁓ and trying to plant as many good seeds as I can in there and just trust that God is writing a good story and I believe that he is and so ⁓ we get to be a part of it ⁓ and that's a privilege and so however we manage to walk through it is you know a day-to-day activity but ⁓ you know I just I want to see what we can do for those kids as they grow up.

to, you know, and then if you didn't get the first one, maybe we got 75 % better, right? And then we'll just keep going and see what we can do and God can work with those, that fertile ground. ⁓ I really do believe it.

Darla Ridilla (51:38)
And as a grandmother myself, my grandson is nine months old now. I think, yeah, nine months old. And that was

kind of the catalyst. I was getting the somatics trauma-informed coaching, and we did a thing on generational trauma, which really woke me up. around that time, I found out my daughter was pregnant, and that kind of perpetuated me to like, ooh, I need to. But I love that point, because I do have a second chance with the next generation.

Debbie Simmons (51:49)
So I think that's a great idea. I it's time for the show.

Yeah,

you're you know our children, know one thing I'm confident of I'm confident that my children know that I love them that They may they know that there's a lot of things that potentially I don't agree with in the way that they have chosen to go about life That's okay, and they know when they hit bottom that their mom and their dad are still here ⁓ And you know, I will visit them

I always tell them, I'll visit you wherever you live. But I said, you don't look good in orange, so jail is not your thing. But you know what? I've had ones that have been in orange in jail and I'm like, dude, this was your plan for paying that ticket. That's not a good idea. ⁓ But you know, I'll still go see you in jail. I'll go on the streets and see you. I love you. And the truth is, is that

Darla Ridilla (52:38)
You're right! You're right!

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (53:00)
In some of the cases with my children, if we would have given up hope on them, they would be lost to the world or dead. And so I'm going, they're not that way right now. And so there's still hope that God is writing a really good story with their lives. And I think it gets, when you get generational cycles in there, I think what happens is that, you know, if we ever break it, then we have

powerful stories that can help people. Okay, so when we break it, there's powerful stories. And so my kids have wonderful, they've got amazing resilience. If you think about like the things that they've been through and they have ability to reach into places that I will never be able to reach into to share their stories if they get completely healed and broken free from all of it. And you know what? Satan is interested in stopping that.

And so it is part of the reason that the struggle is really hard in those situations is because we're doing something on a huge level that we don't even realize. my kids could impact thousands of people when they're in the right place. And it's amazing. And I can't have that kind of influence because I don't have their stories. ⁓ And so I just think it's...

Darla Ridilla (53:59)
Of course.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (54:28)
I just know that there's that spiritual component battle too that we're going head to head with and Satan would love to take us out and that's what he tries to do, right? And so we just have to be aware of that.

Darla Ridilla (54:40)
That is so true. And I think too that when we are closest to what is

going to happen that is good, that's when the evil forces really ramp up. I found that in my own life. I had a bunch of stuff just going wrong recently, like, you know, and then I thought, ooh, you know, I come more from the spiritual sense, but I'm like, I'm about to break through an edge here in my personal development.

There are forces out there that don't want that because that means that my life's going better. I have the ability to make others going better. And I do believe in that whole ⁓ good versus evil thing and that there are forces at work trying to stop those of us who are trying to help others.

Debbie Simmons (55:25)
Yeah, so it will always ramp up before the breakthrough comes. it all, even like a breakthrough for my children, I know that when I am dealing with a child that's losing it and I am ready to just finally throw my hands up and give in and do whatever that I, this is I teach parents. I'm like, do not do it. Stop.

Darla Ridilla (55:28)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (55:51)
Hold on for 30 more seconds, 45, a minute, five minutes, whatever it is, do not relent because the breakthrough is coming right there. And if we stop right there, okay, and we don't follow through, know, stick with it with the kid till we get the breakthrough, then what happens is the kid's brain is wired to say, oh, I know if I go about an hour and a half, she'll give in.

Darla Ridilla (56:19)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (56:19)
Right? Okay,

Darla Ridilla (56:20)
Yep.

Debbie Simmons (56:20)
so what do they have to do? The next time they got to test that they got to do an hour and a half and you stay strong and I'm like I'm gonna stay strong this time ⁓ and an hour and a half is I'm like man I don't have time for this. Hour and a half comes and then I got to make it to one hour and 40 minutes before they'll give in because they're like ⁓ she's not gonna give in this time. But you know I had a daughter, my oldest daughter

Darla Ridilla (56:41)
Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (56:45)
⁓ When she came to us, she had what we call an anger management issue. She was nine and she learned that if you throw a two-year-old fit in your body at nine, the sooner you throw it, the sooner you get your way and off we can go on our merry little way. Okay, well, this is a mom that doesn't think that, you know? And so I remember with her, one of her first big blowouts, ⁓ it lasted...

Darla Ridilla (57:01)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Debbie Simmons (57:14)
six hours, six hours with that job. And I couldn't lose it at all. Okay, and we walked her through the whole process and it was crazy, but it was beautiful in the end. And she ended up following through and doing what she needed to do. It's like 4 a.m. in the morning. And I'm like, are you gonna have any problems with going to bed now? She's like, no, I think I can handle it. I'm like, oh, praise the Lord. And so she goes on to bed, but you know what?

Darla Ridilla (57:17)
Wow. Wow.

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (57:44)
The next time, and I told her, I'm like, your anger is like a switch. It's like a light switch. You can turn it on and you can turn it off. Well, over six months, that child, this is how much she stretched and grew, is that we went from six hours to less than two minutes. Okay, but we did because I outlasted her. Okay, so the next time we came back.

She got to like four hours and she's like, this ain't gonna work. And so she gives in and I'm like, praise the Lord. ⁓ But then she could turn it off in about a minute to two minutes. mean, this child could never be successful in a job if a boss said, take the trash out or clean the toilets at Burger King. And she's like, I'm not doing that, blah, blah, blah, and doing the trash everywhere. I'm like, you could never, this won't work.

Darla Ridilla (58:12)
Yeah,

Hahaha

Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (58:36)
And so these are things we have to learn, but it's like, don't give in. And the same thing goes in our spiritual walk. When we're getting close to breakthrough, all these things start happening that are trying to derail us. So it's a matter of where we keep our focus and then stay true to the course. And then what I found is, know what? If I can sing and I can just praise.

Darla Ridilla (58:37)
Mm-mm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Debbie Simmons (59:04)
That is the answer to make all this stuff kind of just fall away. And I go, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. I'm waiting, it's coming. I know it's coming. And that gets my headspace in the right space to know how to maneuver my way through ⁓ and wait for the breakthrough.

Darla Ridilla (59:12)
Mm-hmm.

Yes, absolutely.

these past six, seven months, as I've been going through this major transformation, I've had to learn to find the peace and the chaos. There's no other way. There's even right now, this week, I'm in the middle of some really uncomfortable things that are going on. And that's OK. I just have accepted, like, OK, here we go again. This is part of the process. ⁓

Debbie Simmons (59:31)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, you

know, unfortunately, scripture says that we need to have joy in suffering and that we need to join him in his suffering. So I'm going, you know, I'd encourage you to go, okay, Daddy God, you got this, because I'm just trying to be faithful and, you know, and watch. And then the fun thing is if we can keep our eyes that way, then as we go through it, we can begin to see his hand working. And when I see his hand working, I'm like, ⁓

Darla Ridilla (59:54)
Yes. Yes.

Debbie Simmons (1:00:18)
what we're doing. Okay, so you know, and that that just makes all the difference to me of how to stay faithful, stay true, stay solid ⁓ in all these hard things that life throws at us. Some I create on my own and some the world just brings at me. That's right. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (1:00:34)
Yep, that's right. You know, as

we wrap up, I just wanted to ask, is there anything I haven't asked you that you do want to share?

Debbie Simmons (1:00:41)
Well, I would say this for your audience, you know, if you are a person that is struggling and feeling overwhelmed and just like, ⁓ I could never do these things. I would just tell you that God is not surprised by where you sit today. It doesn't throw him off. He knew that we were going to face these things that we're facing and he is right there and he is just looking for you and I.

to like lay down our why and lean in and ask that question, know, what's the next, you know, what's the next best step? How do I survive this? And God says, when we ask for wisdom, He will give it to us. And so we can trust that. And what I want you all to walk away with is that when daddy God looks at you,

He doesn't look and see your shame and all this stuff. He looks and he sees how precious we are and how valuable you are and what gifts and everything you have to give to this world. And he smiles. And today he's smiling at you. And the sun comes up tomorrow again and again. And I just want you to hang in there ⁓ and get the people in your life that can help you walk through these things because life is hard and it's a journey and we need.

people in our lives are safe people that we can do it with.

Darla Ridilla (1:02:05)
Yes, that is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. So if someone wants to work with you, or they want to read your book, where can they find you? Yeah.

Debbie Simmons (1:02:12)
Sure, if you want to

know if you want to know a lot about what we do with kids and different things like that, that is through our anchor point dot US. That's our ministry ⁓ and we have people come to summer camp from all over the country if their families are struggling. ⁓ And then if you want to know about me personally in the book, it's the the Debbie Simmons dot com.

And both of those, as my team tells me, has all the social media handles from Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, whatever it is. And then like, follow, comment, something like that. And so that is where you find all of that. And I would love, love to hear from people because I just love watching people on the journey. you know, someone reached back and grabbed me.

Darla Ridilla (1:02:41)
all the session video.

Yes.

Debbie Simmons (1:02:59)
and helped me along and I love to do that for people in March to move from stuck to unstuck and then stay unstuck so we can be impact players. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (1:03:10)
I love it. Yes. It's been a pleasure.

I'm so ⁓ glad that we were able to have this conversation today So it's perfect because it's talking about that empowerment about generational trauma being broken and living not just surviving, thriving. You used the word earlier, thriving, not surviving. Yeah, that's right.

Debbie Simmons (1:03:24)
and not just thriving. Thriving. Yeah. That's my word. I want to thrive. That's right.

That's right. And that's it. Thank you so much. Thanks for watching this quiz.

Darla Ridilla (1:03:34)
Yeah, so thank you so much. And to my listeners, you

have the power.

Darla Ridilla (1:03:41)
Thank you for tuning in to You Have the Power, the road to recovery from trauma and narcissistic abuse. If you're that high achieving woman who looks like she has it all together, but inside you feel unseen, undervalued or stuck in the same unhealthy relationship patterns, know this, you are not alone. Every episode is your space to break the cycle, heal the real reasons you feel disconnected and finally create relationships where you feel safe, seen and deeply loved without sacrificing your success. If today's conversation sparks something in you,

Don't keep it to yourself. Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with another woman who needs to hear it. Want to go deeper? Check the show notes for links to connect with me, get support, or take the next step on your healing journey. I'd be honored to hear what resonated for you. Remember, the content shared here is for educational purposes only. I'm not a licensed therapist, so please reach out to a qualified mental health professional for personalized support when you need it. Keep tuning in, because you have the power.

to reinvent your relationships and your life. And I'm here to walk this road with you.