56: You Can’t Heal What You Keep Hiding: Real Talk on Men, Intimacy, and Emotional Safety With Liz Beachy

Let’s get brutally honest: most men were never taught how to feel.

They were taught to perform. Provide. Power through. But not to feel.

In this unfiltered episode, Liz Beachy joins me for a raw conversation about how emotional suppression—especially in men—destroys connection and breeds dysfunction. We unpack why so many relationships fail not because of lack of love, but because of the lack of emotional safety.

Liz is a Resilience Coach and creator of the Emotional Resilience Accelerator, a program that helps high-performing men finally bridge the gap between external success and internal shutdown.

We dive deep into:

• Why emotional resilience—not surface-level mindset hacks—is the real key to intimacy
• How unhealed trauma shows up as logic, withdrawal, or control
• Why women are exhausted from doing all the emotional labor—and why they need to stop
• How to stop losing yourself in relationships (and why men need to learn this too)
• What “whole meets whole” actually looks like—and why anything less won’t last

If you’ve ever loved someone who “looked strong” but couldn’t go there emotionally... or if you’re done shrinking to keep the peace, this one’s for you.

Connect with Liz Beachy:

Website: https://lizbeachy.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lizbeachycoaching/#

Email: hello@lizbeachy.com

Connect with Darla Ridilla:

Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info

Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com

Schedule Relationship Clarity Call: https://calendly.com/highvaluewoman7/relationship-clarity-session

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Transcript

Liz Beachy (00:00)
So, you know, the Bible talks about two becoming one. So sometimes people will take that to say like, you're my better half, right? So I have half, you have half, let's come together and make a whole. But man, that's not how it works because you have to be a whole person.

in order to have a healthy marriage where you become one. is not, it's two that become one, not a half and a half that become one. realizing that the best thing I can do for my marriage is to be whole myself and for him to be whole himself. Then we have a totally different frame of mind with which to address our relationship.

And so one thing that I saw with that mindset from narcissism is this mindset that like, exist to make you happy, but that never brings intimacy. That brings a forced relationship and it brings fear, which is the opposite of love and the opposite of intimacy.

Darla Ridilla (00:57)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom and real connection. I'm Darla Radilla, a certified somatic trauma informed relationship coach for high achieving women who've been told they're too much. If you've built success on the outside, if you're unseen, resentful, or like you're constantly editing yourself just to keep the peace, you are in the right place. I help powerful women stop shrinking in relationships that demand self abandonment, whether that's a partner, a parent, a boss or a best friend.

Because here's the truth, you are not too much, you're just accepting too little. Each week, you'll hear radical insights, nervous system-based tools, and unfiltered conversations that break the patterns keeping brilliant women stuck, and show you how to reclaim your power, your voice, and your relationships on your terms. Let's get started with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (01:53)
we have another guest today and I'm super excited to bring her on. She's got a very interesting perspective. We're gonna talk about narcissistic abuse, but we've also got a little bit different perspective. ⁓ While I primarily deal with women, she also deals with men. So we may touch on that a little bit. I don't know where this conversation is gonna go today, but I know that whatever happens, it's gonna be dynamic. So let me go ahead and introduce you to our guest today.

Liz Beachy brings a grounded heart centered approach to helping men thrive, not just in their work, but in their relationships and in their lives. She is a resilience coach and the creator of the Emotional Resilience Accelerator, a transformative program that supports high achieving men in breaking free from people pleasing, building emotional strength and cultivating deeper, more authentic connection.

With a 16 year background in nursing, Liz developed a deep understanding of the stress response and how it silently shapes our physical and emotional health. But her insight into men's emotional challenges has come from a lifetime of personal experience through her marriage to a law enforcement officer, years of coaching men, listening to wives share their struggles.

and growing up surrounded by the quiet emotional patterns of her dad and brothers. She brings deep compassion to this work, especially knowing how few safe spaces men are given to explore their emotions. Liz believes emotional resilience is the missing link for many men who look strong and capable on the outside, yet quietly feel stuck or disconnected. Her own relationship has been shaped by the emotional growth she and her husband

committed to, and now she helps other men access the tools that make that kind of transformation possible. Whether you're a man ready to shift how you show up, or someone who deeply cares about one, this conversation offers a powerful invitation to rethink what strength really looks like, and to move through life with more clarity, connection, and heart.

Liz, welcome to the podcast. I'm super excited to have you today.

Liz Beachy (04:14)
Thank you, I'm so glad to be here.

Darla Ridilla (04:17)
Yes, it's been great. Let's just dive in. your mission is to help men and help them to build that meaningful, successful relationship. So what inspired you to do what you do and to help men with that?

Liz Beachy (04:34)
Yes, so you know, I started working with women and it was like the more I got into that work, the more they're like, well, I'd really like you to talk to my husband. I really like you to talk to you so and so because if they would understand this besides just hearing it from me, right? Because sometimes we just need someone besides our spouse or someone besides our loved one telling us, you know, things and.

And I think people feel like there's an agenda maybe behind a spouse saying it like it comes across as nagging or whatever. But there is a need for men to hear from women that is in a safe, protected environment. And I just, there's not a lot of that out there. So I feel like there's such a richness that comes from the opposite sex in a safe, professional environment that it's hard to come by, you know? And it's hard to trust that dynamic.

And so it has been just such a joy to discover, like helping men to heal their hearts and to receive the nurturing that they need to really show up in their lives.

Darla Ridilla (05:44)
Yeah, and I love that you do that. In fact, I said off camera just a couple of minutes ago that as women are becoming more self-aware, we're working on ourselves more. We're getting more discerning on who we're with and our partners also need to. Well, I'm sure there's still that. Men, you know, are as in touch with their feelings per se as we are. They can still be self-aware. I mean, I look at, you know, Matthew Hesse and Jay Aschetti, who are shining examples of men that are really coming into their own.

and personal development. So yes, absolutely. ⁓ Do you want to share more about your personal experiences in your own life?

Liz Beachy (06:25)
Sure, yes. So ⁓ I am the wife of a law enforcement officer. So, you know, there's a lot of that kind of tough guy. I don't need to show my feelings, feelings, you know, in the things that he experiences. There are times where feelings have to be turned off so you can do the hard work of announcing, you know, to a family that their family member just passed away. I he's got some tough stuff he's got to do. puts

people in jail and in prison and I get it, right? And he'll tell me stories and I just about can't stand it sometimes because I'm super empathetic and I'm like, what kind of childhood did that person have to have to commit that crime, you know? And so it has been like, I try to bring some of that in, but you honestly, you have to turn some of that off, but then to kind of bring that back into your relationships is where the challenge is. Like that's a skillset.

So, you know, I've seen that with men where it's like they're really successful in their professional lives. I saw that with my husband where it's like he can really turn off those emotions to make those decisions about things that affect people.

you need your emotions to really make logical decisions. You need your logic and your emotions. And so men are just kind of in this frame of mind, I feel like where they think emotions aren't needed for wisdom, but they are. And so we've had to kind of learn to come together. You know, he's very strong logically and very strong emotionally. And so to come together to say, we really need both here to have a healthy perspective. So.

Darla Ridilla (08:06)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (08:08)
They've just kind of, I feel like men have just kind of dismissed emotions when really that's a tool that would just accelerate their growth in their life and their success.

Darla Ridilla (08:20)
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm so glad that you are doing this work because it is so important.

let's talk a little bit more about, ⁓ you had shared that you have some experience with narcissistic abuse and something to share about that. Do you want to share a little bit more about that as well?

Liz Beachy (08:38)
Sure, the way this connects is so I've got a family member that has some narcissistic tendencies and so through that, I lost my sense of self, right? Being in that environment long term created this idea of I'm here for your happiness. I exist to please you. So I took that same mindset into my relationship with my husband and boy, that doesn't work.

because in part it's like, okay, great, we can just do it my way. And so like it worked for him in some ways, but then the longer we went, the more it was like, this is actually not working at all because like I got completely lost and he kind of did as well because he was coming from that same people, please her mindset. So it's like, we both were trying to make each other happy and neither one was happy in the process. And it was like, we had to step back and

get that resolved. So Henry Cloud wrote a book called Boundaries in Marriage that I just love. And one concept he really brings out is the importance of, know, so I come from a faith-based perspective. So, you know, the Bible talks about two becoming one. So sometimes people will take that to say like, you're my better half, right? So I have half, you have half, let's come together and make a whole. But man, that's not how it works because you have to be a whole person.

in order to have a healthy marriage where you become one. is not, it's two that become one, not a half and a half that become one. realizing that the best thing I can do for my marriage is to be whole myself and for him to be whole himself. Then we have a totally different frame of mind with which to address our relationship.

And so one thing that I saw with that mindset from narcissism is this mindset that like, exist to make you happy, but that never brings intimacy. That brings a forced relationship and it brings fear, which is the opposite of love and the opposite of intimacy. So I would find my husband saying things like, I'm sorry I got upset. And I'm like, don't apologize for getting upset.

You can get upset. It's the behavior that came from that emotion that was the problem. He was like, ⁓ okay, because he was just used to apologizing for his emotions. And I'm like, quit hiding yourself. But you have to be in a strong enough place within yourself to offer that to someone unapologetically.

Darla Ridilla (11:19)
Yeah, and I love that you bring up that you have to have the two holes that come together ⁓ because, you know, my parents' ⁓ marriage was from that old school patriarchal religious perspective of the woman submits and that I see that in a whole different perspective now. And my dad saw it as submit means I tell you what to do and you will do it.

Liz Beachy (11:43)
So, yeah,

right.

Darla Ridilla (11:45)
Yeah, and it doesn't work. It was miserable for everybody.

Liz Beachy (11:47)
No. Yes, but

yeah, even the men. And that's what I think is surprising is men don't want robots. They want real women. And so if women come to submission from a place of fear and force, you're not gonna get their heart. Submission is easy when you feel safe in relationship. So submission is like that final...

Darla Ridilla (11:52)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (12:14)
last thing if you just need somebody to make that decision. And you can address it from that place, but way down here there's a safety that brings intimacy and relationship that gets missed altogether if the focus is submission.

Darla Ridilla (12:25)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, my my new definition of submission, when I whenever I get married again, because I would like that is there I cannot remember the gentleman's name, but I follow him on Facebook and he talks about this. He's also a Christian and submission is on both parts. It's a joint thing. It's more like I guess compromise would be the secular word. if you are always looking out for your partner and matter whether you're the man or the woman,

and you are always looking out for their best interests and that sometimes means that you're not always gonna get what you want, it's gonna be this mutually respectful thing and that's what submission is.

Liz Beachy (13:12)
so good to say just that respect because it's kind of like when you feel safe and your spouse feels safe it's a you go first no you no I insist you and it's like you're arguing over who gets to serve the other one it's completely different than when you're feeling unsafe and so you have to protect yourself so you can't love someone from that place of fear right you're just trying to to feel safe so when your

Darla Ridilla (13:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Liz Beachy (13:41)
partner no longer, that safety isn't outsourced to them, right? You create that on the inside, then you don't need them to be happy or to be approving of you or all these things for you to bring your whole self to the conversation.

Darla Ridilla (13:47)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm hmm. You know, something that popped in my mind is when women are navigating relationships and trying to decide whether or not they want to go long term or get married, how do they determine? Sometimes we can feel safe when we're not particularly in a narcissistic relationship. How how can you determine what is safe and what is actually manipulation?

Liz Beachy (14:16)
Yes.

Right, that's good because narcissists are good at love bombing and making you think that you are worth a million bucks and then they can throw you in the trash. it is, and it makes it, it it really injures or wounds your ability to recognize true love because most people don't love bomb you. So you feel like no one loves me like this person did. But truthfully, that was love bombing. That wasn't really love, right? So ⁓ part of it is, ⁓

Darla Ridilla (14:31)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Liz Beachy (14:52)
the more you feel that internal safety, the more you can identify when that's not there and when it's toxic, because you can feel that shift on the inside of you. Like, I'm feeling violated right now and I'm not okay with that. Where, you know, if you're raised under narcissism, like your nervous system is wired, hardwired, that that's how you're supposed to respond. But as an adult,

Darla Ridilla (15:08)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (15:19)
If you find that place of nervous system safety and psychological safety, then you're going to recognize when someone is not honoring that and they're crossing those boundaries.

Darla Ridilla (15:28)
Mm-hmm. You know, one of the things that I've been learning and also studying and looking into is that part of the reason I have fallen for the love bombing just about every time is because I have that fight or flight, that constant hypervigilance. And the strange thing is, is that rush of adrenaline, that, that, ⁓ not the adrenaline, the dopamine actually feels safe when it's not in, in dopamine's not bad on its own merit, but

Liz Beachy (15:52)
So

Darla Ridilla (15:57)
when you're depending on that to make decisions on whether or not this person is safe, that's not a good gauge. Dysfunctional, for sure. But not, not, so what is it our body, our body is doing its job by keeping us safe, but it isn't always actually, thinks it's keeping it safe. I'm not saying it right, but it's actually creating more trauma, more dysfunction.

Liz Beachy (16:03)
We're good.

Darla Ridilla (16:24)
for me what I've been doing is setting standards and sticking by them and if the man says your standards are too high then I say if I'm too much for you you're not enough for me and bless you I leave.

Liz Beachy (16:36)
Yes, yes, and you know the book that I love is the body keeps the score right that it's like your brain is Wired and created to keep you safe safe doesn't mean healthy It means you're not gonna die So but that's if that's our goal is just to stay alive We're gonna miss out on an amazing life but

Darla Ridilla (16:43)
Yes.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (17:04)
being in that survival mode feels safe if you've been in that narcissistic relationship. So you just keep wanting to feel like you're settling for crumbs because you're like, that feels better than nothing. mean, man, the one thing that I think was the most shocking was not living with a narcissist, but living without the narcissist, without that supply, without that dopamine rush. was like, nobody gives this to me the same way.

Darla Ridilla (17:26)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Liz Beachy (17:35)
that the brain is trying to keep you safe, not thrive. So you have to kind of override that. It's so tricky because you're honoring your nervous system, but you're overriding your brain's default mechanisms to go into the fight or flight.

Darla Ridilla (17:51)
Mm Yes, what feels familiar, actually the brain says is safe when it actually may not be. And that's something I'm learning that, that, you know, as I go back out into the dating world, that even if there's not a spark per se, keep pursuing that and see what else develops. And if that person is showing up, well, that's okay, maybe that will develop over time. And maybe that's a good thing.

Liz Beachy (17:57)
Exactly.

Yes. Yes.

Darla Ridilla (18:19)
you mentioned Henry Cloud, and I've actually read several of his books. So he collaborates with like a couple other men often on, and I haven't read Boundaries in Marriage, but I did read Boundaries. I've read Safe People. I've got a couple on deck in my Audible. I love his whole series on Safe People, and the book was just phenomenal because it really compares the two, and this is what safety looks like.

Liz Beachy (18:30)
yes. Yes.

Yes,

yes, this is what safety looks like. I literally didn't know. I didn't know what safety looks like. If you've never experienced it, you don't know. And it would only happen maybe if I'm watching a movie or if I'm watching some kind of real and I'm like, well, that would be nice if that happened that way. I didn't know that could happen that way. know, sometimes healing happens when you see what you didn't have.

Darla Ridilla (18:54)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (19:08)
in somebody else and you're like, ⁓ that's what was supposed to happen? Well, that would have been nice, you know, but you just didn't know.

Darla Ridilla (19:15)
Yeah.

Absolutely. So when you talk, so I know you use what's called the emotional resilience accelerator. Does that kind of play into that anywhere? Or how does that work?

Liz Beachy (19:27)
It does. you know, I offer one on one coaching with people where, you know, what I love about, I love about coaching versus therapy and don't get me wrong, I was in therapy for years, but coaching brought about and not just what you not want, but what you want. That's, there's a big difference.

Darla Ridilla (19:50)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (19:51)
When you say,

Darla Ridilla (19:52)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (19:53)
don't you want? Well, I don't want someone to treat me like this. I don't want to be treated this way. I don't want this. Okay, but what do you want? I don't know. Like, I can't tell you how many people would say to me, no one's ever asked me that. I don't know. I've never been given the opportunity to figure out what I want. And that's where coaching really can bring in this ability to find out what do you want and why do you think you can't have it? And what happens in your body when you start

Darla Ridilla (20:01)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (20:21)
to move towards that, what's the resistance that's coming up? And bringing that nervous system regulation and kind of learning to talk yourself off the ledge, because your brain has been told that you're not safe.

Darla Ridilla (20:33)
Right? Yeah, as I got my somatic certification last year, know, first of all, I thought this could be a course where I was going to learn about how to detect it and other people had no idea I was in for this big healing journey. And I'm so much more aware of my body. Like so yesterday, some listeners know that in March, I lost my dog.

Liz Beachy (20:44)
Right? Yes? ⁓

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (21:01)
and I adopted another dog. know it's been, it's actually been really hard. And part of the reason I adopted a dog a month later, thank you, is that the amount of grief that I'm experiencing and being single, living alone is too much to bear by myself. And I'm in a new town, I moved to Colorado, I don't know very many people, and I really felt like I needed some wear, some source of comfort. So I got another dog.

Liz Beachy (21:01)
Hmm.

Darla Ridilla (21:29)
So yesterday I just took her to the vet just to get her checked out, make sure she's okay. It was the same vet where my dog died. And I hadn't been in, luckily we didn't go in the same exam room, but I realized, I started to figure out I was disassociating. And at first I was like, what the hell is going on with me? Like, okay, I know I only had one cup of coffee, but why am I in this major brain fog? And then after I left,

Liz Beachy (21:38)
⁓ shit.

Move in.

Yes!

Darla Ridilla (21:59)
I realized I was in shutdown. My brain was overwhelmed with memories of the last time I was there in an exam room, which actually was, and even though it was still painful to realize that, it was comforting because I could pinpoint why I was feeling like that. Okay, maybe I just need to have a little bit of a cry tonight, which I did. Like, it's okay.

Liz Beachy (22:02)
Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (22:28)
It's okay to feel that duality of I'm still missing this dog. Who was my soul dog? I love my new little girl. We're gonna close her ears because she's sitting right behind me on the couch, she'll never be my soul dog, but she can still be an amazing part of my life. But I'm learning to love her while letting go of him. But being aware of those body sensations gave me the tools to acknowledge it.

to sit in it and to help move through it.

Liz Beachy (23:03)
Absolutely, absolutely. You said that so well. I used to think I was crazy. You know, I'd go into McDonald's and in hindsight, I know now that I went in and I saw someone that looked like my family member, but I never connected that. I just went in and I'm like, I was fine before I went into McDonald's. And I came and I got in my car and I started feeling all this anxiety rise up and I wanted to cry and like, what the heck is wrong with me? Like it just.

Darla Ridilla (23:07)
Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Rocket!

Liz Beachy (23:33)
It

felt like it came out of nowhere because I was not self-aware at all. so I had to learn like, what just happened? Well, I just went into McDonald's. Okay. So what, when that shift happened, what happened right before that shift? ⁓ I saw that man and he looked like so-and-so. It was like, okay.

So that was a trigger, but I had to learn that. And it came from feeling like I was crazy and like something has to give here. And I would get sick a lot. Is the other thing Darla, I would get sick all the time. And I'm like, why am I always sick? I'm a healthy individual in general. But when I learned from the body keeps the score that your immune system goes down and you get these triggers that look, they.

Darla Ridilla (24:02)
Yeah.

Liz Beachy (24:20)
mask as physical symptoms. Your throat gets sore when you feel like you don't have a voice, right? You have chest pain when you feel angry and all these things. was like, I'm not sick actually. I'm not feeling my emotions. So was like, I had to feel so miserable within myself that it was the alternative of feeling all that crap. It was worth it to not feel as anxious and awful as I was feeling.

Darla Ridilla (24:35)
Yes.

Yeah, I mean, I still, it's been 10 years and I still suffer from chronic pain and when my stress level goes up, my pain level goes up. I noticed this morning I was hanging a shelf and I'm like, why are my shoulders hurting so much?

Liz Beachy (24:54)
you

Darla Ridilla (25:00)
I just moved from Arizona to Colorado, I've been dealing with a lot of, you know, loss and change. And this is why but it's part of the complex PTSD that I have that I still have.

And so I have a lot of healing I still have to do and those unhealed parts are showing up in that physical discomfort.

Liz Beachy (25:19)
Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes, but but it's so beautiful that you're doing this work to help other people as you're healing because You are in the trenches and so people are able to You're not like shouting at them from far away to say this is what I did ten years ago You're like, this is what I had to do yesterday because I'm still on this journey, you know, it's crazy sometimes

Darla Ridilla (25:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (25:43)
I learned something and then I coach with someone the next day and it's exactly what I needed. I'm like, ⁓ okay, well, I didn't mean for this to be hot off the press here, but thankfully I learned this before we talked because we are continuing the journey and I had to get over this feeling of wanting to completely address everything before helping someone else because we're still doing our own stuff, right?

Darla Ridilla (26:06)
Yeah, we are. I don't know if you're familiar with Louise Hayes, but she talks about that, how we teach what we need to learn. yeah, I suffered in the beginning of my business. I suffered with imposter syndrome terribly. Like, well, I'm still healing and I'm single. Like, why am I advising people on healthy relationships? But I'm like, but no, in the past 10 years, I've learned so much, even just the past month, the past year or two. Like, I've been doing everything differently.

There's nothing wrong with sharing that in real time. And I think there's an authenticity to it because if I am, if I am pretending to be perfect, who's, who's going to relate to that? Cause that's not how it is. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (26:50)
Right. Yes.

Darla Ridilla (26:53)
So did we talk on the emotional resilience accelerator? ⁓ Did we talk about the process and how that works?

Liz Beachy (27:01)
A little bit. So I do one-on-one coaching. So that's for a 12 week period of time up to weekly coaching and then also on-demand texting. So that way in between sessions you have that support, right? And then I've got some assessments and quizzes and things as those fit to really help people to figure out things like attachment styles, stress responses, your disc.

Darla Ridilla (27:04)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (27:30)
I'm certified with DISC, so things like that where, how well do you know yourself so that we can, because a lot of times you find that people are wanting to address and fix other people. And it's like, why do you need them fixed? Why aren't you okay with them where they're at? you know, so really getting to know themselves sometimes for the first time, which is such a privilege.

Darla Ridilla (27:49)
Right.

Liz Beachy (27:58)
It's so much fun to help people to say, that's why I react that way. ⁓ that's why I feel that way. you mean that's not healthy? You know, I remember reading a book about attachments and it was like, if you're reading this book, you're probably anxious attached. You know, it's like, you're not going to have a lot of people reading this book, right? So it's kind of, here's your sign, you know, that this is the fact that you're so worried about your relationship. I don't suggest that.

Darla Ridilla (28:15)
Yeah, that's me.

Liz Beachy (28:28)
So things like that, that it's amazing to watch the light bulb come on for people where they're like, ⁓ so it's okay that I feel that way? ⁓ so I don't have to change that? No. But I know for me, I believed that disagreeing with my husband would end in abandonment because that's what I learned as a kid. That was the lie that I believed. And it's like going back and saying, what are the lies you believe that...

Darla Ridilla (28:47)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (28:55)
keeping you from going forward and keeping you from the relationships and the life that you want, you know, because I am allowed to disagree and still be loved. I'm not going to lose love. But the thing is, like, if you think you're going to lose love, you'll give up a lot. You'll give up a lot.

Darla Ridilla (29:15)
Yes. I I think about my own marriage with the first narcissist in particular, that's where I gave away the most for sure. And I was so desperate to please him to be what he wanted me to be. And he still didn't want me at the end of the day. It still was just not what he wanted. And I had no idea how unhealthy that was. But yes, there was that we talk about attachment, I lean towards the anxious attachment style.

And for those out there who aren't familiar with that, basically, it's a fear of abandonment. There was inconsistent in my childhood, I had inconsistent messages. Mom would give me the silent treatment if I didn't do what she wanted. Then other times she would be very affectionate and loving. So there was never anything I could depend on. Dad was, I'm pretty sure, bipolar. So I was always hypervigilant, like, who's gonna show up today when he gets home?

So it created this dynamic of always having to adjust. I made a great executive assistant. I'm a really good chameleon, but it didn't work out really well in my personal life being that way.

Liz Beachy (30:20)
Yes, you're exactly right. And what it communicated to you was my needs only get met based on whether the people outside of me are willing to meet it. Because there'd be times you would go to get those needs met by them because you had felt safe enough to do that and you were turned away. So it was like, it never can be on my terms. My needs can only be met on other people's terms.

Darla Ridilla (30:33)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (30:46)
So

then it creates this anxiety when people aren't happy with you because then you do. That is the message your brain has been taught that you will lose love if you don't perform correctly.

Darla Ridilla (30:58)
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from that place of wholeness.

Darla Ridilla (31:38)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I got really angry about something, not in a relationship, but in a business interaction this week, and I reacted very strongly. ⁓ I tried to be careful with my words. I had to redraft my email a couple of times because I was pretty angry, but I wanted to express that anger without attacking, but really getting across that this is my line in the sand. I will not bend on this one particular point.

And if it means that I'm not gonna be part of this project, so be it. It was basically what I was saying. And after I sent the email, I thought, crap, maybe I overreacted. And then next one I thought, no, it's okay to be angry. It's okay to say, I call BS. I can't do this. I love you as a friend, but this isn't gonna fly for me. It really triggered a lot of stuff of, it's really not that bad. Don't call it what it is.

⁓ and it involved actually saying my ex-husband was a narcissist. And it hit home so badly of let's not candy coat this. This is exactly what it is. I don't have to be a medical professional to diagnose him. I lived with him for 10 years. I know better than anybody what he is. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (32:57)
Right.

And that fear of can I express myself and still be loved and not only by other people, Darla, but by yourself. Are you going to be a safe place to come home to after you've expressed yourself or are you going to critique yourself and say, I should have never said that you stupid idiot. What were you thinking? Now they're not going to want you. You know, like it's not just acceptance from other people. It's from yourself. Like you have to be a safe place to fall.

Darla Ridilla (33:08)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (33:26)
and you lose that under narcissists. You just don't get to have that because your entire sense of self is brought into question and it has to be slaughtered, unfortunately. I mean, it's just, or hidden, you know, I don't know what the psychological term is, but this concept of like, it's just gone. You don't have it to connect with because you, I mean, you can't keep asking for something and not getting it. You eventually just stop asking the learned helplessness. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (33:31)
Mm-hmm.

You do.

Yeah, learned helplessness is a great term. It is, and I became totally dependent on him, which was the plan, of course. When he asked for a divorce, I had no money to my name. I'd handed over my entire life savings to him because we were going to invest in property.

he created that dynamic, but I unknowingly played right into it. So that was my responsibility. Even though I was naive and didn't know what I was doing, I still did it. so that's the thing that I have to own up to and work on is like, OK, there's my lesson. And I think it goes back to you talk about safe and trusting too soon, which has been a problem for me.

I'm kind of an all or nothing person, black and white. And so I jump in all like, ⁓ and I do that in my personal life. I do it in my business. And there are good things about that, but there are really bad things when it comes to trusting others in relationships because I have a bad habit of trusting them too soon. instead of, so this is one thing that they talked about in that safe people book about how we don't give trust, it is earned.

Liz Beachy (35:08)
Yes, it's huge. It's huge. you know, from a faith-based perspective, God doesn't force relationship. so any, you know, it's his kindness that brings someone to repentance. It's his love and it's not based on, you know, the sense that you have to do this. And so feeling safe with someone, you have to be allowed to say no.

Darla Ridilla (35:19)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (35:39)
And that's, know, I'm working on a training for people pleasers called the people pleaser detox. It's like how to stop saying yes when you want to say no. Like that's not honest. That's not authentic to who you are and safe people want you to say no to them. They welcome that. Right.

Darla Ridilla (35:55)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yes. And it goes back to what you said that men don't want robots. They want women who are sure in themselves, who are confident, and to a confident man who's sure of himself, he's not going to be intimidated by that. Right.

Liz Beachy (36:03)
No.

Exactly.

And women, conversely, like it reverses through as well, women don't want robots either. They want men that are confident, that are sure of themselves. And it's this dance between the two of like, can we both be allowed to be where we're at? You know, can we both? And I think, you know, in my marriage, one thing I had to learn was like, we're allowed to have bad days.

Darla Ridilla (36:36)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (36:44)
You know, either

one of us would be like, what did I do wrong if this, if the spouse was upset? And it's like, that is almost offensive to a healthy person. Like I can't have anything I'm upset about besides you. Like, why are you assuming that was you? Like I got other stuff in my life, but I need you to be okay so that I can wrestle this thing to the ground. I don't need to have to worry about you too. You can't heal if you don't feel safe with that person.

Darla Ridilla (36:59)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (37:12)
you know, and they're so worried about what did I do, how can I fix it, how can I help you, then they're not, neither person is allowed to show up authentically. Instead, to say like, I'm mad, or I'm mad at you, and okay, you're allowed to be. I respect that. And just that mutual respect to say you don't have to show up in any certain way. It is not on you to make me feel okay.

Darla Ridilla (37:12)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yes. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (37:40)
But

with people pleasers, it's not really people pleasing at all. It is, I can't handle when you're not okay with me. This creates this inner turmoil in me when you're not happy with me. And so people pleasing is actually pretty selfish because it's not people pleasing at all, it's self pleasing.

Darla Ridilla (37:48)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, it's weird because I had a strange kind of duality where I was a codependent people pleaser, but I was also in my first marriage very controlling. When you talk about how the spouse wants someone who says no, I kind of became my dad in a way. We become what we hate sometimes. And I was very controlling with my first husband. And for me, to be honest, when I look back,

Liz Beachy (38:19)
Right.

Darla Ridilla (38:28)
That was fear. And I was unhappy. Even when he was complying, I was always worried about when he was going to stop. It was a constant rumination. was a constant, like, what's going to happen next? There was no peace. There was no safety for me or for him.

Liz Beachy (38:29)
Yeah.

Absolutely. I did the

same thing and that I needed my husband to be perfect so that I felt okay So in anything he did that was less than perfect because I put that same pressure on myself So I'm a recovering perfectionist recovering people, please are all these things, you know, and so it Feeling like I I have to be perfect to be loved So then my husband has to be perfect because he's an extension of me. So it's like get it together

because you're making me look bad. know, like, I'm not giving you love if people think you're crazy. They're gonna think that I'm crazy then whatever. So he wasn't allowed to figure that out for himself. It was like, you are at my mercy or I'm anxious. And so now that's your fault because your behavior caused my anxiety and which is completely toxic. Like I had to stop.

Darla Ridilla (39:17)
Right.

Liz Beachy (39:40)
putting that all on him. It was like, somehow I've got to find peace on the inside, regardless of what this guy's doing, because he is not acting right. He is misbehaving. And so it was like, I got to get this together alone. But it took him being just really, like, he just stopped all together trying to make me happy. Like, he just stopped. He stopped trying. And it was like, was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Darla Ridilla (39:52)
Right?

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (40:10)
because

I had to find that in myself, in my relationship with God, in friendships, in healthy individuals. You know, I was just reading earlier today, like, you aren't gonna heal often with the person that you were injured by. So even if you're trying to have a healthy relationship, that person isn't gonna be where a lot of your healing comes. It's gonna be from outside of that that then you bring into the relationship. Otherwise, you guys are just gonna keep hurting each other.

Darla Ridilla (40:29)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And it's so wonderful that you, when he stopped trying to make you happy, that that was your shift. Because what I see a lot of times is women, they dig in deeper. And then the bitterness, then the resentment comes in. I recently had, ⁓ last year I had a conversation with a family member who is, should have never gotten married. And I'm like, whoa, you waited till you were in middle age to get married and now you're telling me?

Like what is happening here? What decision are you going to make? It goes back to, just read Mel Robbins, the let them theory. One of the things she talks about is, say you hate the way he brushes his teeth or the way he chews his food. Is that a deal breaker in a relationship? So you have a choice. You could either learn to live with it and work with yourself on why you're triggered by that, or you can end the relationship. But if you're not willing to end the relationship and work on it, stop complaining about it.

Liz Beachy (41:16)
Yes.

Mm-hmm,

absolutely. Yes, that's such a practical way to say like ultimately Whoever you're in relationship with that's like if you're if you're wanting to have ⁓ It's kind of like if you have a car and you take care of that car like it's your car So if the car is dirty, you're not like the car is so dirty. It's like I it's my car and the car is dirty so I need to wash the car like there's

There's some amount of responsibility that if that's your boyfriend or your husband, then you want them to be well taken care of because it's your like it's it's extension you in a healthy way, right? Instead of like, I'm just gonna I'm gonna trash it. I'm gonna talk bad about it. I'm gonna think critically of it. You don't realize you're actually hurting yourself by doing that. And you're great. Yes.

Darla Ridilla (42:15)
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Mm-hmm, you are, making it worse.

And maybe you have a perfectly good man on your hands like you did who's trying to please you, but now he feels defeated. Like no matter what I do, this woman's never satisfied, so why would he keep trying? know, there's a lot of dysfunction in my parents' marriage. My dad was very abusive, but I have to commend him for one thing that I get. So he...

Liz Beachy (42:46)
Great.

Darla Ridilla (42:59)
My mom never took care of anything. She was always kind of like, well, I'll be happy when, oh, when I have nice things, then I'll take care of them. She never appreciated what she had in a moment. So my dad would like fix things around the house and then she wouldn't take care of it so it would fall apart or get destroyed. And so he stopped. I have to, I used to get really angry, like you don't care about us, but in those specific instances, I think he felt defeated like.

Liz Beachy (43:08)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (43:28)
Well, what does it matter if the house looks nice or not? Because you're not going to keep it nice. That plays out a lot in relationships.

Liz Beachy (43:37)
Wow, that's really big of you and mature of you to be able to see good qualities in an abusive person. That's huge. To give room for that, that doesn't negate the pain and the abuse that he caused, but to allow room to say, was really good at this. ⁓ That's just so much healing on your part because...

Darla Ridilla (43:47)
Mm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (44:03)
You wanna go black and white. You wanna say they're just all bad or all good. And to allow space for that is not easy to do.

Darla Ridilla (44:11)
It's not. But I've also, like, I'm not condoning what he did, but I've also had to, I've figured out why he did what he did. Just look at my mom, like, I'm really, I'm having more difficulty with her, I think, it's that mother daughter dynamic, the female thing. But my dad grew up in an alcoholic home, he was beat. So he didn't have a good example. So he came, it's that generational trauma, right? And so he

he came to the table with the skills or the skills he didn't or didn't have. And while what he did was wrong, he, wherever he was, wasn't capable of doing better. I mean, and he totally was against psychiatry and therapy. His response was always, I'm not crazy. I'm not going to therapy. I'm not going to counseling. And so he totally rejected it. But yeah, it's...

As we look back as adults at our childhood, there are a lot of things that we see differently, for sure.

Liz Beachy (45:12)
Mm-hmm. Yes, and being able to kind of understand so I in the coaching that I've seen with people people either are Quick to blame their parents where they're blaming everything on them or they think their parents were perfect and That's as big of a problem. That's just that's that's also a problem because

Darla Ridilla (45:30)
Yeah.

Liz Beachy (45:36)
If they weren't perfect, then you were really bad. And so you have so much shame. So it's like either shame or blame is what I see show up for people. So it's like those that are blaming everything on their parents need to work on forgiveness towards them, right? So they can be healed and not take all that into their future. But those ⁓ that are putting perfection on their parents, it's like, why do you think they were perfect? Like that in itself,

shows that they weren't and that you couldn't have been that bad. You were three or four or five years old. And then they're like, ⁓ I didn't, I never saw it that way. I just, I thought I had a perfect childhood. So sometimes that like is revealing neglect, but they, it's like children will believe the best about their parents and the worst about themselves. And to be able to see like they'll fight to defend their parents.

Darla Ridilla (46:29)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (46:34)
Even, I mean, I've seen this even in like a 70 year old and a 50 year old, like they fight to defend their parents, like forever until they don't, until they finally are able to say, maybe I wasn't as bad of a kid as I thought I was. Maybe they had some learning to do, maybe there was some responsibility on their part, but it's hard for people to do that.

Darla Ridilla (46:39)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, the couple relationships that I had last year, what I've been observing is that people who have this rose-colored idolized version often have what's called the avoidant personality where it was not okay to be themselves. They had to be somebody else to be loved. And what's interesting is in my last relationship, and I think this is part of why another reason he sabotaged, not just the avoidant tendencies.

Liz Beachy (47:10)
So, thank

Darla Ridilla (47:25)
but I met a family member and the description I got of her did not match. Not that she was mean, but, and I noticed a lot of dysfunction. And when I brought it up, not in an accusing way, but as an observation, it was not received well. I could feel energetically while he didn't express it verbally, I felt that resistance of.

How dare you not see her as perfect like I do. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (47:55)
Yes, wow, wow.

Darla Ridilla (47:57)
And I admit, it's hard we want in in some of those family dynamics, we want to believe that these people are good. But there's also not such a bad thing when someone comes in who's got a different perspective, who's more objective to come in, sometimes maybe that's an opportunity for us to say, Hmm, maybe I should think about that a little bit more.

Maybe this person does need to work on themselves. Maybe the relationship does need to be better.

as we start to wrap up, what else would you like to share that I haven't asked or touched on?

Liz Beachy (48:33)
Right, we've touched on a lot. It's been great. ⁓ So much fun to just dialogue about all these things, you know? ⁓ And I think maybe kind of looking at therapy versus coaching. Another thing that I experienced with that is when I was in therapy, it took me to a point, but one thing it didn't do is,

Darla Ridilla (48:36)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Liz Beachy (49:02)
When I thought of the future, I had anxiety. I didn't know how to live without the story that I had been telling all this time. I just was kind of relying on the therapist to help me just feel all my feelings, but not like feel empowered to create a life that I loved. And I was like, I don't know how to do that. I remember.

Darla Ridilla (49:12)
Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (49:27)
being taught some CBT, some cognitive behavioral therapy, and these are the thoughts you need to think. So if you think those, then you'll be better. I'm like, I don't, it takes an amount of confidence to think well of yourself and to think good thoughts and to think it's actually gonna make a difference. So for me, learning about brain science and coaching was like, no, there are actual scientific explanations for why.

Darla Ridilla (49:31)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (49:53)
I couldn't do that, but I felt so much shame. I couldn't even tell the therapist. I was like, I can't do that. Like I felt like I was a failure as a client. So I'm like, writing the back and forth for a while, because I'm like, apparently I failed the test and I can't do it. But it was like when I learned that, no, at some point, like you have to now decide and figure out what you want. That's the whole what you want versus what you don't want.

Darla Ridilla (50:02)
Right.

Liz Beachy (50:22)
All I knew is what I didn't want. All I knew is what didn't feel good. All I knew was didn't feel safe, but what does? Which is why I had to read books like safe people. Cause I'm like, I don't even know what safe feels like. I don't know what safe looks like until you do, until you do experience that. And you're like, wow, this person feels like home. This person feels like I can say or do anything and I'm still gonna be wanted here, right?

Darla Ridilla (50:24)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (50:50)
And so I think that was a really powerful experience that coaching brought in that was different than therapy. Like I said, I needed the therapy. am all for that. It's just bringing in that secondary modality where it empowers you to become your own, almost your own therapist. I don't know how to say that exactly, but your own cheerleader, your own decision maker.

But when you've been under that type of abuse, you don't feel free to make your own decisions. You question yourself and your decision making about everything because it's been beat out of you emotionally or physically, right? That was literally the mode to keep you trapped was distrusting your own decisions. Like it was very confusing to say like, well, maybe, maybe I don't know. And the whole gaslighting thing, of course, makes you question your sanity. So

Darla Ridilla (51:23)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Liz Beachy (51:44)
Then you begin to think, okay, apparently I can't trust myself, so I need to find somebody outside myself to trust, when truthfully, it's never gonna work. And so then you find yourself susceptible to more and more people like that, until you finally are like, okay, I'm done looking for a leader. I'm gonna start leading myself. I'm gonna start determining what I want.

Darla Ridilla (51:54)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, I-

Yeah, when you talk about that, what I'm hearing is that therapy is more about looking at the past to processing it where coach is more about carving and creating a new future based on that.

Liz Beachy (52:17)
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

So, but you have to know what you want to create your future.

Darla Ridilla (52:24)
You do.

It's, you know, what did I say in another podcast? said, it's like going into the deli and saying I want a sandwich. then the person behind the counter is like, okay, great. Well, what what kind do you want? I don't know a sandwich. Well, how are they going to serve you and give you what you want if you don't know?

Liz Beachy (52:37)
Yes.

Exactly, exactly.

You have to have some...

degree of awareness before you can coach, you know, like I tell people like you need to It's like you're gonna climb the mountain if you're gonna coach and have enough capacity To do this work where therapy you can just go in and you can just flop on the chair and you can say, okay I'm here. It's been a rough week and you just like just receive right

where coaching is an active relationship where this is what I want, why can I get it, this is what I've been thinking and this is what I'm feeling, it's completely different. So the importance of taking that ownership and not outsourcing that to anybody else, it's just, then you have nobody to blame but yourself, which is actually the best news in the world.

Darla Ridilla (53:21)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, because then now you're in control of the outcome. When we say it's somebody else's fault, we give them our power.

Liz Beachy (53:38)
Yes.

Right, right.

Darla Ridilla (53:46)
Yep. Yep. That is so great. What I love, you know, is how you explain the difference between therapy and coaching, because I've never known really how to express the difference versus, you know, a degree versus no degree, certification versus, you know, letters and all this. But you, you, you said it from such a practical perspective as like, ah, now I can explain it. I've never known how to say it.

Liz Beachy (54:02)
Great.

Good, yes. I know.

I have debated and wondered about that because I'm like, should I just go be a therapist? Is that really what I want? And I'm like, no, it's not. It's not the same thing. But coaching is still just kind of this up and coming thing that not everybody understands what it is and why they might need it. And so many people I feel like Darla think it's a luxury. Do you get that vibe from people? It's a luxury.

Darla Ridilla (54:23)
It's not.

Yeah, yes.

I can't afford that. I can't do that. That's for rich people. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. And it's not, think it's actually, I think it is, it's, it's, what's the word? ⁓ A necessity. I, you know, I did coaching the first three months of this year. I went back, I do this.

Liz Beachy (54:43)
Yes, must be nice.

Darla Ridilla (55:01)
Periodically and I did a three month package with a coach. In fact, I'm bringing her on as a guest as well so we can talk about my progress. But I was going through a lot of stuff and I just needed someone else to bounce it off of and I'm taking a break right now, but I'm also with an intuitive coach who's helping me not just with my blocks of money, but it really goes back to childhood. That's what we're working on this week is our childhood wounds. And so I am always in

Liz Beachy (55:07)
awesome

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (55:31)
I guess while it wasn't per se, it's a different type of coaching, right? It's self-help, but it's a little bit different.

Liz Beachy (55:36)
Yes.

Right, yes, well, and you you're taking your turn in the hot seat. And that way you're always staying in that place of, know how uncomfortable this feels, and I commend you for leaning in to this hard work because it's not easy work. And most people don't choose it. Most people don't.

Darla Ridilla (55:49)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Liz Beachy (56:07)
Most people choose it's easier to just stay here and to blame other people. But boy, if you choose it, if you choose like, I'm going to choose the pain right now so that in this future, we're going to get somewhere that most people have never dreamed of. Like the possibilities are just crazy when you get around people that think higher than you do. Like it's, I just wrote that down yesterday. Like I need a regular place.

Darla Ridilla (56:30)
Yes.

Liz Beachy (56:35)
to process from a higher level. That's just kind of a requirement to keep growing. But if you are around people that are thinking in that low mindset all the time, you're not getting that challenged. And so things like income, things like your ⁓ living situations, your relationships, all that is gonna stay in this lower place. But if you dive into this work,

your income changes. So it's not like the investment you make in coaching compared to what your outcome is, it's like this is nothing compared to the benefit this is gonna bring you. can't tell you how many people have gotten like promotions or they've moved to different state and got a different job or it's like through working with coaching with me because it's like they didn't know that was an option for them. And all of a sudden they're having those difficult conversations with their bosses. They're having capacity.

for their nervous system to ask for more things and to say, isn't working for me anymore. I mean, you know, one guy went from doing door dashing to moving to another state and, you know, being a successful salesman, like it was just like a total shift. was like, we just went through this work of like, look at your future self. Like, what do you want your life to look like? And it was like, it changed everything. He'd never been asked the question, you know?

And I think that's one thing to consider too, is like, we need someone to ask us those hard questions. We're not asking ourselves. We need that. We all do. Which is why I think it's great that you're continuing that work.

Darla Ridilla (58:06)
Mm-hmm.

thank you. Well, I need someone else to be accountable to because it's easy for me to talk myself out of, know, ⁓ well, I'm supposed to do this childhood wound meditation. That was our homework for this week. And so I went ahead and did it. And because otherwise, like, yeah, I'll get to that. You know, if you see it on an app, yeah, I'll get to that. I'm too busy right now. How we conveniently just brush it off.

Liz Beachy (58:30)
Right.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (58:38)
First of all, I'm paying a lot of money for this coach, but second, a lot. But second of all, it is, this is why I'm doing this. This is why I'm hanging around. These are women that want to make five figure months and it's not really about the money. The money is the result of the personal growth. It's getting out of our own way and it's not just about receiving the money. I discovered through this process that I have a block to receiving in general because as a child,

Liz Beachy (58:40)
Yes

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (59:07)
when I received, was guilt tripped. I was made, look at what I've done for you. And so I've had to learn to work through that. So in all areas, whether it's relationships, money, help, I don't like asking for help, you know? So I'm working there. I'm getting, I'm working through it. haven't, I haven't ⁓ totally gotten past that, but I am taking steps.

Liz Beachy (59:20)
And yeah.

That's awesome. That's awesome. Yes.

Darla Ridilla (59:33)
Yeah. So as we close, if someone just really wants to learn more about you, Liz, or how can they work with you, where can they find you? And we'll also put it in the show notes.

Liz Beachy (59:45)
Yes, so my website is www.lizbeachy.com. So it's Beach with a Y. And also you can email me hello at LizBeachy.com. So I have a Facebook page that is LizBeachyCoaching, if you'd also like to find me there.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:05)
Awesome. This has been a terrific conversation. I just really loved it. I knew when we met a few months ago that it was going to be wonderful. And this is the great thing about podcasting is I meet these fabulous people. get to have these great conversations.

Liz Beachy (1:00:19)
So much fun. This has been great. And I'm just, so excited for you and this work that you're doing and moving to another state by yourself. And I mean, the loss that you're working through, like it's just a lot. And so I just, and that can feel lonely and that can feel just heavy. And then to continue to do this work to help other people while you've got your own heavy stuff is so much. And so I just commend you for that.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:31)
It is.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. I was actually thinking this morning how it's really hard for me to deal with all these things. And like I broke up with my best friend in April. I mean, I mean, before I left Arizona, I broke up with my best friend. So I really don't have, I'm building the support system in like in-person support system, but I don't have that right now. And so thank you. I needed to hear that today. Yeah.

Liz Beachy (1:01:06)
Yes.

Yes, well, and

you make a great point and that with this work, it makes waves in your relationships. And so you're not going to like the same kind of people that you did when you started. Right. And so you get a chance to create healthy relationships that are going to serve you and where you want to go.

Darla Ridilla (1:01:19)
Mm-hmm.

Right, right.

Mm-hmm.

100%. Yes. Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. to my, yes, absolutely. And to my listeners, you have the power.

Liz Beachy (1:01:38)
Thank you for having me.

Darla Ridilla (1:01:52)
listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection. If you're a high achieving woman who looks like she's got it all together, but behind closed doors, you feel dismissed, depleted, or stuck in cycles that no longer serve you, know this,

You're not too much, you're just done accepting too little. Every episode is your space to unpack the real reasons powerful women stay stuck and how to create relationships that feel safe, honest, and fully aligned without sacrificing your fire. If today's episode hit home, share it, subscribe, leave a review, or send it to another woman who's ready to stop performing and start leading. Wanna go deeper?

Check the show notes for links to connect with me or take the next step in your journey. I'd love to hear what resonated for you. Keep tuning in because you have the power to stop shrinking, speak your truth and rebuild your relationships from radical self-trust. And I'm right here walking this road with you.