57: Breaking Free - Straight Talk, Dark Nights & The Prison We Build Ourselves With Sandra Valks

What if the prison keeping you stuck… was built by you?

In this powerful opening episode of our new Radical Truth in Relationships series, I sit down with Sandra J. Valks—veteran financial advisor turned Confidence Coach and Queen of Compassionate Straight Talk—to explore how communication becomes a cage or a key.

From growing up silenced to mentoring prisoners and executives alike, Sandra shares her path through ancestral trauma, a brutal divorce, and her own dark night of the soul. We talk about finding your voice after being shut down, the masks we wear to survive, and why straight talk with compassion is the secret to reclaiming your power—whether you’re standing in a boardroom or behind prison walls.

This conversation expands as it goes—from leadership to lineage, from speaking up to breaking free.

We cover:

• The difference between straight talk and unprocessed rage
• Why most of us are guarding prisons we built ourselves
• How ancestral pain and perfectionism manifest in our bodies
• Real stories from inside correctional facilities—and why healing is possible anywhere
• What Sandra learned by losing everything—and how she finally chose herself

Whether you’re silencing yourself in a relationship, a workplace, or your own head, this episode is a truth mirror. And it just might crack something open.

Connect with Sandra Valks:

Website: https://www.sandravalks.ca

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/svalks

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sandra-j-valks-clu-dtm-4385b110/

Connect with Darla Ridilla:

Book a free call: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/call

Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info

Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com

Sign up for newsletter: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/newsletter

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HighValueWoman-m7w

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/highvaluewoman7/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darla-ridilla-3179b110/

Transcript

Sandra Valks (00:00)
So I always understood that we live in our own prisons. We create our own prisons. You and I sitting right here, we create our own prison. Anybody listening, you're creating your own story and you've created your own prison and you will break.

or you will decide that it's comfortable there and you'll just stay in the cage.

Darla Ridilla (00:19)
Right. Yep.

Sandra Valks (00:20)
That's

so breaking free is a title was my breaking free from my dark night of the soul, but also influenced because of the whole idea that we build our own prisons. So they're behind prison walls, but we creep our own. At least they have a guard that keeps it. no, we hold the key and lock the door ourselves and we're our own guard. Like how ridiculous is that?

Darla Ridilla (00:33)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (00:44)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom and real connection. I'm Darla Radilla, a certified somatic trauma informed relationship coach for high achieving women who've been told they're too much. If you've built success on the outside, if you're unseen, resentful, or like you're constantly editing yourself just to keep the peace, you are in the right place. I help powerful women stop shrinking in relationships that demand self abandonment, whether that's a partner, a parent, a boss or a best friend.

Because here's the truth, you are not too much, you're just accepting too little. Each week, you'll hear radical insights, nervous system-based tools, and unfiltered conversations that break the patterns keeping brilliant women stuck, and show you how to reclaim your power, your voice, and your relationships on your terms. Let's get started with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (01:39)
we are going to talk about communication today and I have yet another guest who is going to give us some great information. So I'm just gonna jump in and introduce you to our guest today. Sandra J. Valks, a seasoned communication specialist and confidence coach, excels in empowering professionals to overcome self-doubt and enhance leadership communication. With over 30 years of expertise,

She employs her signature compassionate straight talk approach to deliver transformative results in public speaking, presentation skills, and personal branding. As a distinguished Toastmaster and a veteran financial advisor, Sandra's holistic coaching integrates life wisdom, insightful storytelling, and practical strategies, making her a sought after keynote speaker and mentor globally. Ready to express your ideas clearly? Command attention.

advance your career? Well Sandra is your lady. Well Sandra thank you so much for being here today.

Sandra Valks (02:46)
It's wonderful. Thank you so much for making room for me because I think we both like to talk and we both like to coach and we there's nothing better than communication.

Darla Ridilla (02:59)
Yes, absolutely. And so I'm really curious to know you, did 30 years of financial work and now you are a communication specialist and coach. How did you make that transition?

Sandra Valks (03:11)
I'm still in it. Actually, was 42 years. Those are my files back there. 42 years of financial, 30 years of just over 30 years of Toastmasters and communication. So there hasn't really been a transition over into coaching because when you're talking to people about their money or talking to people and helping them learn how to stand up and speak, it's all the same. It's communication, flow.

Darla Ridilla (03:12)
I hear that.

42.

Sandra Valks (03:39)
getting real and getting over yourself. I think that's the biggest thing, know, just dig in over yourself, just share with the people. And once you know what you're talking about and care what you're talking about, those little extra glitches aren't going to matter because people are wanting to connect. So the transition hasn't been huge, it's just been a continuation.

Darla Ridilla (03:47)
Good.

There you go. I love that. I love how you talk about that. That's so true. And you know, if you're talking to people about money, you certainly do have to be really good at communication because for some it is kind of a little bit of a touchy subject. But that, you know, you talk about the compassionate straight talk. So can you tell us a little more about that and how that helps people with their communication blocks?

Sandra Valks (04:26)
There was a time when I kept my mouth shut. was of an age when you were raised, it was children to be seen and not heard. You didn't speak up, you didn't have your dirty laundry. know, like everything was so secret in the old days. Nothing is secret today. But in order to be able to speak about it, you have to be mature in yourself. And I think it's a maturity that...

allows you to know. can talk about intimate things without sharing intimate details. It's a skill. I think there was a few times when I kept my mouth shut and they'd say, no, but what are you thinking, Sandra? And I said, no, no, it's okay. I used to just, I'd been told off once or twice. They didn't know what to do with me. So I just, you do what you're going to do. And I would have my mouth shut.

And no, we really want to hear what you have to say. So I would give my opinion and then they wouldn't know what to do with it because people don't know what to do with just honest truth, you know, just saying what you have to say. wasn't that I was pushing some truth on them, but they really don't know what to do with an opinion. We get so used to fluffing it over. And so that became the straight talk. It was just what I do. I didn't know any other way to do it.

I had to add some compassion because after zipping my lip for so long, when it would come out, sometimes I'd be a little annoyed and it might come out a little sharp and sarcastic because I'd been put down enough. So the old pendulum did the swinging, which is wonderful. So when we first find our voice, don't be expecting this to be wonderful all at once. It'll be a little extreme and it'll swing over here and we'll come in and find our space. And I love helping people just be real.

Darla Ridilla (06:03)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (06:18)
And I'll catch them doing it right on the spot. That's where the straight talk isn't always easy for people. Once they know that it's just compassion and learning, then they get it. Because I'll catch them just with that look on the face. That's it. Right there. What were you feeling? Right there. ⁓ OK. Yeah, that's the one you want. And they can attach to that feeling how they were feeling when that look of attachment came in.

Darla Ridilla (06:26)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (06:48)
Authenticity came in their face and the connection came across.

Darla Ridilla (06:53)
Yeah, 100%. in order to change, sometimes we have to get uncomfortable and we have to hear things that are uncomfortable. when we get uncomfortable or we feel resistance to what we're hearing or being told, we're actually on the brink of a breakthrough. And so I'm waiting for the breakthrough.

Sandra Valks (06:57)
Mm-hmm.

⁓ you are.

Darla Ridilla (07:09)
I was totally uncomfortable, but I love how you make it straight. And I love how you explain to how we go from one end to the other, because I used to be super aggressive and like not good. mean, I was I had no filter. I would swear at people. was I would get in their face and. It you know, it's amazing I didn't get like attacked a couple. I mean, I grew up in East Coast, so people won't hesitate to come back into your face.

Sandra Valks (07:19)
Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (07:35)
And I had to learn that I didn't have to act like a crazy animal to get my point across. We can be angry and we can express that. And I had to learn to be assertive. And while sometimes when I'm angry, the anger shows. I mean, I had an incident in a grocery store on Sunday where I was not happy with the customer service. In the past, I would have been like, you, you, you, you're, you're a jerk. You don't know what you're doing. Well, I decided to turn it around and say, this doesn't work for me. I'm not okay with this.

Sandra Valks (07:41)
Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (08:05)
Can I please make a suggestion? And so then I'm like, okay, I really think there needs to be better communication and here's why. And this is what I didn't like about what just happened. But after that, and I expressed that, and the manager helped me get what I needed, then I said, look, I really just appreciate you listening. Is that kind of what you do or is it a little bit different?

Sandra Valks (08:28)
All of that is communication because we have to learn to find the thank you in every situation. And so the thank you you would have found in that situation is thank yourself for not reacting like a bully and carrying on and having to make amends afterwards. You know, all our actions and all our words have a price, a benefit or a cost.

Darla Ridilla (08:34)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (08:56)
If you had flung off again, you could have gone home and beat yourself up for, you know, it's not worth it. Just say, I was wrong, just a minute. I wasn't happy. Let's just follow this through, which you turned around and did. So you didn't have to carry that baggage home. And you didn't have to dump on the poor cashier that may not have known any different. Training today is not what it used to be. I love training people. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (09:12)
Mm-hmm.

Right, right.

Well,

yeah, I mean, my biggest issue wasn't that the so I wasn't sure if the manager was going to help me or not, because she just disappeared and my ice cream is starting to melt. You know, it's those things, those little things. But it was her reaction to it. Hey, instead of saying, hey, let me just pop in in the office and see what she's up to. She goes, it's not my job. And those are those are the things in our generation that get us going when a little 20 something says that right. That was what really upset me more than anything was her reaction.

Sandra Valks (09:47)
That's right.

And I would say straight talk and tough love without attacking her would be the appropriate thing because she needs education. She needs training. It needs to be brought to the manager who obviously didn't know to do any training and probably hasn't got communication training themselves. You know, we don't think just because we didn't talk, people say, I don't have any trouble talking. Well, can you say anything that matters in a limited amount of time? Can you get to the point?

Darla Ridilla (09:57)
Yes.

Right.

Sandra Valks (10:22)
How many people have heard at meetings where we'll take questions while they get up there and they comment and carry on and roll around and around and what was your question? And they have to explain and they have an awful time winding it up. They go around and around. Just give me the question, just the facts, ma'am, just the facts with the judge would say. And that has been powerful. I think the straight talk really is just to get down to the clarity.

And once we can be compassionate and clear, we can negotiate. It's not that I have to have my way, but I do need the communication. I need to sort it through. I don't want to go home ugly and carry that around. I don't want to dump on you.

Darla Ridilla (11:05)
Yeah, and I'm sure that that, not just in our interactions in public, but I'm sure where it really impacts is those interactions with our family, our friends, our partners. That probably makes a huge difference.

Sandra Valks (11:19)
I remember when my first baby was in the high chair, so she wasn't very big yet, and she was not behaving the way this mother thought she should. And she knocked over her milk. And I'm just already tired and ugly, and I'm giving her talking to and wiping that up, and I'm ugly. And then I sat down to my own meal and over went my glass.

Darla Ridilla (11:30)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (11:48)
Never forget that. And children are our guests in our home. Yes, we had them, but they are guests in our home and they need to be treated the same as we would a guest. We all need to be treated with love and respect and come together. But I've never forgotten that was quite a lesson for a young mom. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (11:52)
Yep.

Yes.

Yes, like I just reached lashed out at her and now I've done it. Now what do I do? Now, you know.

Sandra Valks (12:19)
Now

that's written me out not to be such a pain in the butt next time when this is going to happen. All of it. I if a guest came to the table and knocked their red wine over on your linen tablecloth that we used to have in those days. I mean, the wine's going over and running in and all you can see is all the work to get that stain out of that good linen tablecloth. Yeah, you know, but we still we'd say, no, no, it's OK, it's OK, it's OK. And we'd be sopping it up.

Darla Ridilla (12:23)
Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. But you bring.

Right. But you bring up such a good point about not beating ourselves up because I still struggle with that at times because sometimes even when we're better at it, maybe life just gets in the way. We're stressed about something. We didn't sleep well. There's usually there's something else going on that's causing us to not react or communicate in a healthy way in a good way and just say, okay, I messed up. I can do better.

next time.

Sandra Valks (13:20)
I went to Al-Anon for seven years. And one of the many, really the whole thing was life changing for me. But one that I remember is we don't, if we have to say something once, that's fine. And if we're saying it the second time, why? If you're saying it the third time, you're preaching it about something that's none of your business. And if we mess up, we can look back, but we don't have to stare back.

Darla Ridilla (13:50)
Yeah.

Sandra Valks (13:51)
When we stare back and get fixated, we're going to mess that up and we're going to be carrying that into our future. No, look back, see what it was, make your adjustment, correct it and carry on. And it's so hard to accept that we're humans. We get all wrapped up in being perfect, whatever that would be. You know, if everyone was perfect like you and I, we would have a whole bunch of people like you and I. Instead of them being perfect is perfectly them.

Darla Ridilla (14:15)
I want to have a job.

Right.

Sandra Valks (14:21)
You

Darla Ridilla (14:21)
And you know, change is messy. I mean, I'm certainly finding out whether it's healing change, whatever it is, it's not a straight line. And just accepting that has really just, it's been hard, but it's also been helpful too. You know, I was used to be very hard on myself. In you're coaching, especially when you're with leaders.

in dealing with Toastmasters, I used to be in Toastmasters as well, there are probably so many people that just really lack that confidence. How do you help people just some people struggle with the other, they can't like you were saying in beginning, they can't speak up. How do you help them move past that?

Sandra Valks (15:04)
I love interactive workshops or interactive one-on-one. And if you're serious about it, let me hear you yell, ha! Come on, I can't hear you. And we'll play until they get it out. And then I'll have them do it a few times and you see them open up. And especially now with Zoom, you can really see it, but in person you can see it as well. But I catch them doing...

Darla Ridilla (15:07)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (15:34)
and stop them right there. Sometimes I surprise, stop right there. Did you feel that? Did you feel that expansive? Did you feel yourself opening up?

And sometimes I'll get them telling me about something that they care about. I mean, there's just so many techniques, something they care about. Well, what about that? And dig a little deeper, dig a little deeper. And somewhere in there, the little fire will go on and they'll bump into their passion and they'll be on fire. And I can see it. And I'll let them go for a few minutes. Then I'll say, do you feel that?

Did you feel that you were just enjoying yourself? You forgot you were talking to somebody else? ⁓ We were just having a conversation. That's it. That's it.

Darla Ridilla (16:15)
Hmm.

Sandra Valks (16:24)
That's powerful. When it comes time, I was working, doing a workshop at a Toastmaster meeting and the one fellow, he says that, don't, don't just can't do that. can't speak up. And I said, look, when you're on stage to give your talk, whether it's here, we're on stage, we're not going to go off and wash our dishes while we're having the podcast. You've got a job here to do. And when you're doing it, you're going to talk about something you know.

and you're the one in charge. So I want you to sit up. So the other thing I'll do is sit up, feel the energy, put on the show. You're the actor now without acting. But you don't want to go to a show where the actors are, you know, well, I hit him in the face, you know, you know, like, I was really angry and I was ready to punch them. So I get them into action, whatever it is.

Darla Ridilla (17:09)
Right.

Sandra Valks (17:19)
And with that action, that literally turns their energy on and they can feel it. I can see it, I can hear it, and then they start to get it. So being authentic, once they realize that they just have to be real and care, don't talk about something you don't know. If you don't know about it, sit down and shut up. If you don't care, yeah, if you don't care about it, don't bring it up. But if you care and you know.

Darla Ridilla (17:25)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's so true.

Sandra Valks (17:49)
speak up. If you care but you don't know, be interested in asking.

Darla Ridilla (17:54)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (17:56)
So a speech, a talk could be just getting answers and appreciating them, digging it deeper.

Darla Ridilla (18:00)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Do you have a specific story to share about someone that just had this miraculous transformation in your coaching?

Sandra Valks (18:16)
I go to prison. I've been going to prison for 20 years. And we have a Toastmaster club there. And I also do alternatives to violence when I'm in prison. And so you start with people that don't know anything about Toastmasters and you get the group together and you're teaching them the different things. Well, some of them will come in there with their hoodies up over their head.

Like, would you come for basically came for the coffee? They weren't going to say that. They came because what else are they going to do? So I said, well, we're just going to introduce ourselves around the room. Let's introduce ourselves around the room. I'm Sandra Vaux and away we go around the room and you get to one or two of these that are. ⁓ I'm not going to tell. Okay, that's fine. But you are a toastmasters, you know, but we'll get we'll come back to you. So I don't say you don't have to.

Darla Ridilla (18:47)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Sandra Valks (19:15)
They get it and after they see the other guys stand up, claim their space, that's power by itself.

That's power. They stand up and nobody's getting ready to punch them and nobody's going to speak over them. They get to say who they are and what they're there for. And around the room we go and then we come back to the ones that missed.

Darla Ridilla (19:23)
Yeah. Yeah.

Sandra Valks (19:39)
Just stand up and say your name, that's all. So they can do that. And about three weeks later, it's pick me, pick me. It's very transformative, very fast. Once they realize, and that's for anybody. mean, the young man at the Toastmaster Club, when he turned around and he just stepped into business, into the business mode, didn't have any trouble what he was going to talk about anymore.

Darla Ridilla (19:47)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (20:07)
You can go be quiet on your own time. Right now you're on stage. And then of course when you go to try and be quiet on your own time, you've transformed and changed because you've felt that change in confidence and it starts to seep in.

Darla Ridilla (20:21)
I can see how rewarding that would be because.

there's probably a lot of people in prison who have had a lifetime of not feeling heard for whatever reason, or scared to speak up or, you know, if you're in a high crime area, you don't want to draw attention to yourself, you want to remain small and invisible. And to watch that must be really incredible.

Sandra Valks (20:51)
When I would hear, listen to their icebreakers, their introductions, their first speeches sometimes, that's quite a blessing as well. And there was this young man got up there, beautiful eyes, just a good looking young lad. And you're thinking, like, what is he doing in here? And then he tells his story. He and his friend had been...

Darla Ridilla (21:09)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (21:16)
high and they wanted some more money so they went into the convenience store to get some more money.

and they were high and they had a gun with them because they weren't going to use it. They were just going to use it to scare the guy so he'd get the money. Well, he didn't scare so well. Okay. The gun and the guy that was talking shot his own best friend instead.

Well, I mean, if he'd shot the storekeeper, that would have been bad, bad as well. It wasn't going to be a good outcome carrying a gun in there. And so here he is in prison where he's got to be sober, dry, undrugged, with the knowledge that he shot his own best friend over foolishness and the growth that they come. So what I find is they're not really different than you and I.

Darla Ridilla (21:48)
would have been bad, but yes.

Sandra Valks (22:15)
They're really not different. It's just that they've been caught, they're in there, and life is raw. So you and I can hide behind, go to work and be functioning, and come home and still beat ourselves up. We can still feel the smell, we can still feel inadequate, we can still feel like blasting up the cashier or whoever, because we're frustrated. No different.

No different, ours is just hidden.

Darla Ridilla (22:46)
I never really thought of it that way, but that makes sense because if they're having a bad day, they can't take it out on anyone there because then there's going to be retribution for that. It's while you do have people in there that are not good people, I'm sure the majority of them have just made mistakes just like that man did. Or, you know, I did a paper in college on recidivism.

and how they end up back in the system because they don't know anything better. They don't, and the system's kind of broken and, you know, not to go into detail on that, but there's not a lot of resources to really help them. It's basically you're in here for punishment, serve your time, and then they throw you back out in the street. And then we have programs like you.

Sandra Valks (23:11)
⁓

Now we are in

the Canadian system, so the Canadian system, we're supposed to be rehabilitating them. And I can assure you that a lot of them don't feel that's what's happening. But really, if they do take the programs and take the chip off their shoulder, they can learn and a lot of them do. I mean, the ones that come out to the meetings we have, right now I started a new Toastmaster club in the minimum, because they're getting ready for integration. And there's like 35 to 50 members.

Darla Ridilla (23:33)
Yeah. Good.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (23:59)
And they're just having a blast. There's one man who's in there, but he's an improv artist. One of my early speeches I gave in prison, we were giving a demo meeting and we were going to other groups in the prison to get the people to come out to Toastmasters. So I was speaking at a lifers group. Now a lifer is usually has killed somebody. Doesn't mean they killed a number of people, but there's been usually been a death. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (24:23)
Yeah.

Sandra Valks (24:29)
Anyhow, I spoke about trees. And I, in the introduction as I was being introduced, no, this is not scientific. It's not about why the leaves turn red, or it's not counting the rings on, it's the spiritual or how you feel about it. So that was the essence. So you set it up for that. And then when I finished the speech, I, my opening line was rape and pillage, rape and pillage.

Darla Ridilla (24:57)
You had their attention.

Sandra Valks (25:01)
I'm in prison with the inmates and about 75 % is sexual crime. And there I am with rape. was about raping and cutting down our forest and our trees and the beauty of the tree. So when I finished with it, I finished up singing. I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.

Darla Ridilla (25:09)
Yes. Yeah.

Sandra Valks (25:29)
You know, and I sang through that song and they said, that was beautiful. Can you sing it again? Really? Okay. So I sang it again. And then they were serving coffee and they said, you know, there's five accomplished musicians in your audience here. I'm glad to see your eyes just kind of pop on that. They aren't all just criminals that had guns or whatever.

Darla Ridilla (25:30)
You

Wow, I am surprised.

Yeah.

Sandra Valks (25:57)
Yeah, five accomplished musicians listening to me sing my song. So over coffee, I said, I know I'm not supposed to ask and I can't imagine but what are you doing here? And of course, I'm not going to tell you but it be the end of the lifers group. you you know that 99 % 99 % of them are going to be a murder of some kind. Somebody's dead. And he said, suffice to say, pay for your passion. So who knows?

Darla Ridilla (26:10)
Right.

Sandra Valks (26:26)
what the circumstance was.

Darla Ridilla (26:29)
Yeah. Yeah.

Sandra Valks (26:30)
And

my husband had been attacked one time and I knew I would kill.

Once I knew I would kill, I had no problem about not judging them.

Darla Ridilla (26:41)
Well, that is true. I mean, to be honest, if someone were going to hurt me or to hurt someone in my family, I'm going to protect myself. And I'm sure. ⁓ my gosh, yes. And it's got to mess you up.

Sandra Valks (26:48)
Yep. And a baby. Could you imagine when you had children? Mama bear would be there.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (26:57)
Yeah, for sure.

Sandra Valks (26:57)
So

when people would say, can you do that? And even the men in prison, one of them said, I don't know where you get the courage. And I said, courage for what? Well, if I knew what I know now and I were out there, I wouldn't be coming in here. You know, there's a number of people who would do whatever they wanted to do to get their way. And I said, yeah, I'm not naive, but I think there's more of you that love me than not. So I'm trusting you'll look after me, although that was a dangerous way to put it. Anyhow.

Darla Ridilla (27:11)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (27:26)
That was basically it. So then we were going on into chapel because there was some celebration that was going on. And I'm sitting beside one and I said, no, they said I had to have courage to come here. But I think you guys that love me would look after me first. You were scared of you.

Darla Ridilla (27:42)
⁓

It's that straight talk.

Sandra Valks (27:47)
So there's your straight talk. I

can have a lot of fun, but I just, I don't know any other way to say it. Other than, you know, when the pendulum was on, I could be a little sharp and sarcastic and I had to dig out the pain that was in me that was causing that retaliation. But I mean, that stuff's up and gone.

Darla Ridilla (27:54)
Right.

Yes.

Darla Ridilla (28:09)
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Darla Ridilla (28:50)
Yeah, no, I totally get it because I had the same experience. I've always been really outspoken, but I had to learn that I didn't have to say exactly what I was thinking, that I could soften it just a little bit. To switch gears just a little bit. There was something that I saw about personal branding that I wanted to ask you about. Do you work with people that do branding? Is that correct?

Sandra Valks (29:05)
you

No, actually, I think the journey to my own branding, which has been the pink hair, which I just love it. But the whole understanding, so I won't take them through their branding, but I think I help them to get the clarity. I don't even have to think about it. I get the clarity of who they are because we can dig down in, dig down in, dig down in. When I first got Straight Talk, I was at a Lisa Sasevich weekend in San Diego.

Darla Ridilla (29:23)
⁓ the pink. Yes. Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sandra Valks (29:48)
And four of us didn't want to pay ridiculous retreat rates for hotel. So four strangers, four total strangers shared one room, two queen beds. And we had a blast. We enjoyed each other so much and had so many laughs. But the one day, know, Lisa was the queen of conversion, queen of sales conversion. So one of our questions out of the 2500 people sitting there.

Darla Ridilla (29:54)
Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Sandra Valks (30:17)
How did you get the queen? Who put that crown on your head? Who said that you were the queen of? She said, ladies, gentlemen, nobody put the crown on my head. I put it on myself. And I am And our homework that day was before you come back tomorrow, figure out what you're the queen of or the king of or the guru of.

Darla Ridilla (30:31)
Hahaha!

I love-

Sandra Valks (30:46)
And so the four of us were laughing around in the room, playing around, the queen of this, queen of that. And they were all educated. And I was the country bumpkin with the education. That's the internal baloney. I fed myself for decades, probably up till 10 years ago. That's baloney, you know, I was going to say something nastier like a BS, but it's, that's what it is. So anyhow, I'm in this room with these three.

Darla Ridilla (30:59)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (31:15)
well-educated smart ladies. And we were coming up with the names for everybody and I said, I don't know what I would be because I don't have anything. Well, the three of them turned at me at once and said, don't ever say anything like that again because you're brilliant. You I am quick, but I didn't realize I could keep up with people that had education that I didn't have that education. Crazy. I mean, I was a school teacher.

Darla Ridilla (31:41)
Right. Life education,

right?

Sandra Valks (31:46)
Well,

I know as a school teacher, I'm a DTM, see all you, mean, all that stuff. And I said, well, I don't know what it would be. Well, think about the straight talk that comes out of you, they said. ⁓ queen of straight talk. Well, that was really funny. And I tried it on and they were laughing, but that's what you are, they would say. Queen of straight talk. I did wear it. And that's really what it is, whether the confidence, the speaking, whatever it is.

Darla Ridilla (32:07)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (32:15)
It's try it on and wear it. And I already had the pink hair. I forget where I started. Oh, I know where I started. My hairdresser said, Sandra, all the seniors won't let me put pink in their hair. Would you let me put a little dollop? And I said, sure. What's it for? Well, it's for cancer. You know, I have a, it's cancer month for breast cancer and women. And I have a client and I go to her house and cut her hair, but she's got cancer. I'm just doing it. A lot of seniors, oh.

Darla Ridilla (32:18)
Yes.

Sandra Valks (32:44)
said, go for it. Then she ran out of it every time we got a haircut. I was going to my pink dollop because I quite got to liking it. She said, I ran out, go get your own. So I did. went. And then I started brushing it in. So it's been in there probably 12, 15 years on my business card. So the color was already there. And the straight talk. So when they came up with that, and when I came home from that conference, I was saying

Darla Ridilla (32:48)
hahahaha

Yes!

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (33:13)
Yeah, Queen of Straight Talk, you you kind of play around just like a teenager would, you know, because really what you're doing is wearing it, you're getting into it. And I kind of liked that. Hmm. I do, you know, I've taken enough baloney about my straight talk. But that's who I am. So I had to own it. And then, you know, then I would start to say to clients.

Darla Ridilla (33:18)
Yes.

Yes.

Sandra Valks (33:39)
I'm a little brutal, so you're going to have to be strong. That's why it's straight talk. You know, I don't know any other way. It's not to hurt you, but don't ask me if you don't want to know. And they, I had done that for a short time and they said, I don't ever want to hear you say you're brutal again, because I can say I can be brutal. You know, you're going to have to have the courage to say time out if I'm too strong. You have never intended to hurt anybody. You are compassionate, always compassionate.

Straight talk, straight on, tough love, but always compassionate. ⁓ compassionate straight talk. Hmm. So now I'm the compassionate queen of straight talk, the straight talk coach. But that branding keeps growing. ⁓ That's how the branding and I'm writing a book. I've just started getting, I'm writing the book. I'm writing the book.

Darla Ridilla (34:25)
And I love that that you own it. Right. True.

You are? Tell us more!

Sandra Valks (34:38)
It's going to be published when from the time you start, it's to be published in six months. And I think, my God. Now I find out as we're in the group and taking our course and our classes with it, it will be written within four months because at that point we start with editing back and forth and creating courses and and workshops and keynotes to use for the book. Had to start with a working title.

Darla Ridilla (34:44)
Okay.

Okay.

Sandra Valks (35:08)
And this, guess where this is influenced from? Breaking Free.

Darla Ridilla (35:13)
Breaking Free. Is that so is that the name of your book or is that your info that you were influenced by the book Breaking Free?

Sandra Valks (35:21)
That's

my working title. That's the book title.

Darla Ridilla (35:23)
Oh, I like it because I was like, I don't know that book, but that's why, because it hasn't been published yet. I love that. And is it about the straight talk or is it about your story or tell us, give us a little teaser.

Sandra Valks (35:28)
No, that's my book.

Well, it's influenced because of prison because I just love how life pulls us all together because that's what we were talking about earlier. I mean, I'm not a toastmaster here and a financial advisor here and so on. I coach over here. And all of those things blended just as you are with your self-love work. We don't separate ourselves. But breaking free, when I go to prison, one of my early speeches

Darla Ridilla (35:45)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (36:09)
I had put on the masks. And they said, we wear masks in here all the time, not like you guys. You don't have to hide it in here. We have to put a mask on to be safe. That had been the comment. So when I came in next time, did a speech on masks. And I said, have you ever seen me when I have been crushed and sobbing, hardly able to catch my breath because I'm burping so badly? Have you seen that? no, can't imagine that. Have you seen?

Darla Ridilla (36:24)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (36:39)
Have you seen me this way? no, those are masks. I understand you wear masks in here to stay safe. We wear masks out there to stay safe.

You wear a mask to hide who you are and what your shame may be or what you've done. We wear a mask to hide our shame and cover up for what we've done. And that wearing the mask. So I always understood that we live in our own prisons. We create our own prisons. You and I sitting right here, we create our own prison. Anybody listening, you're creating your own story and you've created your own prison and you will break.

Darla Ridilla (37:02)
Yeah.

Sandra Valks (37:22)
or you will decide that it's comfortable there and you'll just stay in the cage.

Darla Ridilla (37:28)
Right. Yep.

Sandra Valks (37:29)
That's

so breaking free is a title was my breaking free from my dark night of the soul, but also influenced because of the whole idea that we build our own prisons. So they're behind prison walls, but we creep our own. At least they have a guard that keeps it. no, we hold the key and lock the door ourselves and we're our own guard. Like how ridiculous is that?

Darla Ridilla (37:44)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah, and you're so right. We are our own worst enemy at times. And when you sit in that comfort zone, you will never excel. you know, I the relationship I was in last year to the both of them, they were comfortable where they were. And I was like, okay, like I have my own issues. But why? Why is this the lifestyle you want to live? Is this how you want to live? Don't you want to feel and do better?

Sandra Valks (38:12)
You

Darla Ridilla (38:24)
But yes, we do that to ourselves. I mean, in my own life, I'm experiencing that now as I'm kind of on this precipice of whatever it is that's going on. It's about a limiting belief in here that has kept me captive for a very long time.

Sandra Valks (38:40)
Yeah, and that doesn't have to be.

Darla Ridilla (38:44)
Right. That's right.

Sandra Valks (38:46)
The whole idea of the

comfort zone, I like to think of it as the comfort zone. And then we kind of think, this is kind of boring. This is what we're doing all the time. So I wonder about that. So we just go tap, tap, tap. ⁓ that feels kind of good. Tap, tap, tap. And we just expand it a little bit. Now, if we want to open that up and we could want to blow it open, that's really what the straight talk does.

Darla Ridilla (38:57)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (39:14)
for people that need to, you know, they're kind of close to the edge and they get that aha and I catch them at the aha. You know, it's that we got a gate on that thing now. We can open the gate and we can close the gate. We can keep ourselves safe. We can let the good stuff in. And I like to think we have an exhaust that we can let the crap out.

Darla Ridilla (39:20)
Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, because we have to make room. have to kind of clear out some clean house sometimes to make room for new stuff. Kind of like clean out your closet.

Sandra Valks (39:40)
You're right. So I've

been studying boundaries. I've got the book Boundaries. It's amazing. But studying the boundaries and they keep talking about it's like putting a fence around your home or your property. It's your property. That's your boundary. And you have a gate that can swing up and let the good in. You can close it and keep the bad out. And you can also open that gate. So that's when I added that to the comfort zone.

Darla Ridilla (39:52)
Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Sandra Valks (40:07)
Okay, so the comfort zone can get bigger and bigger and bigger. But if we were look at the whole universe, we're such a little tiny speck of it, but of what we know. So we can just kind of keep expanding, which is great fun. Or we can open the door, let the good stuff in and be exhausting out the back. ⁓ I mean, our lives are created so beautifully with all what we thought was the bad stuff too.

Darla Ridilla (40:14)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

made us who we are. not that I would want to go through the bad things that have happened to me. But if I hadn't so if I hadn't been in an abusive marriage, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing today. That's the truth of it. I wouldn't have had that come to Jesus moment that said, you can't go on living like this. What are you going to do about it?

Sandra Valks (40:37)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm hmm.

And that's basically my breaking free. My dark night, Night of the Soul was I could not get divorce in my head as a word. And so I finally went into workaholic. And that was probably for about three years of workaholic before everything fell apart. But I look back now, everything's great in hindsight, you can kind of go back and look at it this way. I don't have to stare at it and beat myself up about it.

Darla Ridilla (41:06)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (41:25)
But I kind of look back now and see those three years of running away from an unhappy relationship, the workaholic into the burnout, because I was doing everything I could. Everything I was totally all in doing what I could, and it was never enough and wasn't going to change. I see that as my grieving time. So by the time I got to the divorce word, my husband had no idea. I mean, he should have, because we weren't very happy.

Darla Ridilla (41:41)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (41:53)
but he could not conceive, so it was no divorce word for him either. But I was the one that pulled the plug. And then a really nasty divorce, because he was angry. So there's the emotions come back. And you can't knock him for being angry. But that was three years of a really nasty, I had to hold my own. And I thought, I can't cry now, because if I ever cry, I'll just flood the world. Everybody will be flooded. Stop it, stop it.

Darla Ridilla (41:59)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Right,

right.

Sandra Valks (42:23)
⁓ So I didn't, but once it was finished and I started to cry, I look back and I think it took me three years of crying. It was quite amazing. So there's this, in hindsight, this process.

of doing my grieving, holding my own, letting it go. And that of course gets overlapped as well because as I said before, I started Al-Anon, I started Toastmasters, and I went into a prior learning assessment program. And those were the beginnings. Al-Anon saved my life. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (42:56)
Mm-hmm.

I attended as well my last marriage. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and they were wonderful. I didn't really think that he was, he was high functioning. He would only drink on the nights and weekends. He wouldn't drink at work, but he was also getting fired a lot, all those things. And so I remember my first time, which was really kind of, there were so many reasons why I left.

But one of them was like clockwork every six months he would lose his job and then I'd have to pay all the bills. And I remember when I, after I kicked him out and then I went to an Al-Anon meeting and I'm like, no, he's not a drunk. mean, he drinks too much. She's like, no, if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it's a duck. And I'm like, okay. But right, right. But here's the beauty of Al-Anon is that they were so understanding. No one ever said you should divorce them.

Sandra Valks (43:50)
Butt, butt, butt.

Darla Ridilla (44:00)
I'm sure they thought that, but they told me no matter what you do, we're going to support you, which gave me the freedom to make my own decision, which I did divorce them. But I really loved how it was not just we're not just going to hear it sit here and talk about what they did. We are going to process that. But what is my role? Who am I? And what do I need to do to better myself?

Sandra Valks (44:29)
Yep. Because I mean, that's being codependent. That's the alcoholic is focused on the alcohol and we're focused on the alcoholic. And the way we go. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (44:33)
Yes.

I was totally focused on what he was doing, paying attention to the

drinking bottles. Does this sound familiar, like measuring? And he goes, he told me after the divorce, I knew you were, was putting water in the vodka. I knew what you were doing.

Sandra Valks (44:53)
But you know, there's the bright light at the other end because you can laugh about it as well. We go through the pain, but we grow. So that was my dark night of the soul. That's what my book is about. That was my breaking point when my hands were empty. And I thought at first it was going to be for helping strong executive women work through the pain of divorce and the burnout and everything that was coming with it. And then a friend read the introduction that I have kind of ready and she said, no, I need a hook.

Darla Ridilla (45:11)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (45:20)
No, why would you leave men out? Men need this too. And then I realized it's not necessarily about the divorce itself. It's about the dark night of the soul. So whatever your dark night would be, whatever it would be for men or women, mine happened to be that one. My daughter said, well, mom, the other one would be when my son died. And I said, yeah, that was ⁓ eight, nine years ago. But that's not likely to be in the book.

It might be in a future book if I do other books. But to stay with the Dark Night of the Soul and the growth and the healing and going from, so the tagline is breaking free, kind of based on that idea that we all have our prisons that we create. From a life of pain to a life of joy is what I started. Then my friend said, but where's the hook? You've got such an adventurous life. So it's to a life of joy and adventure.

Darla Ridilla (46:21)
Mmm, yes. ⁓

Sandra Valks (46:22)
because I've

traveled all over the world and I've been working shifting mindsets all over the world. Yeah. So there's been, you know, there's another light at the end of the tunnel. There's another life.

Darla Ridilla (46:36)
there there is we don't always see it. mean, I certainly remember the day almost took my life. I didn't see any light at all. All I saw was dark. Thank God I didn't do that because there was so much more ahead. I would have missed out on my daughter getting buried and a grandson and you know, my own journey. would have missed so much right? I mean, and I I understand how people get there because I was there but at the same time

Sandra Valks (46:53)
Yeah, that's right.

Darla Ridilla (47:02)
The dark. So what I'm learning is we have to embrace the dark with the light. We can't see the light without the dark. The dark is I look at like, I think it is like a fire that is molding us. We have to be molded and we have to be ready to be molded too. That's the other thing we can stay in the dark. I see a lot of people that do that. But when we're ready to say, I don't see the light, but I'm willing to wait till it comes. That's where the change happens. I think that surrender. That's where the shift.

Sandra Valks (47:08)
you

Yeah, I

never got around to suicide thoughts. My feet, I'm Canadian, and my feet are planted on the Canadian shield, which is that great big sheet of rock that's under there that shifted at one of the times whenever the axis did whatever it did. But I just couldn't always see them. It was all fogged. I couldn't see them. And I remember also the pain of it, you know.

Darla Ridilla (47:41)
Yes.

Sandra Valks (47:57)
Here we are. I've been divorced, what, 32 years, whatever, a long time. But I would still say it's the biggest factor, the biggest place that changed my life. It was truly the dark night at the Soul when I was broken. And was terrible losing my son. And that was 10 years after my sister lost her son, you know, both with cancers. And that's brutal. But I had recovered my strength. I had healed.

Darla Ridilla (48:01)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (48:26)
head the strengths for it.

But yeah, for anybody that's listening as well, I think it's important. know, when we talk about doing the shadow work or you have to do the dark work, that's all it is. It's just digging out the stuff that needs to let go so you can lighten your load and get to the sun.

Darla Ridilla (48:47)
I like that analogy. Yes, please.

Sandra Valks (48:48)
It's really interesting. Can I tell you what's happening for me right now? I've got this one,

we've got carpal tunnel, which was already done, you know, years ago, and it's coming back. And I use a cane a fair amount because my arthritis, they got a hip and about four or five low cases lately have been coming up saying, you know, even arthritis, you can heal it without medication. And I'm thinking,

I don't know. I don't think you can heal arthritis. You know, you've got all that inflammation and calcium, all whatever. And my sister and I both refer to it. ⁓ that's the family thing, you know, from both sides of the family, everybody ends up with arthritis. And so you just kind of live with it, but it's painful. And I start on the medication and I think I don't want to keep doing that. But here I've been hearing, but it's ancestral, Sandra. It's ancestral.

Darla Ridilla (49:38)
Mm-hmm.

⁓ huh.

Sandra Valks (49:48)
⁓ So I had gotten myself hooked up with a frequency thing, know, ⁓ frequency that we are frequency, we are vibration. So I think that has been starting to help. But even more directly is when, but it's ancestral. It's a shaman lady who said it's ancestral and we can heal that. ⁓ So I was thinking, and now I've got an appointment with my own shaman to go and I said I want to do the ancestral.

Darla Ridilla (49:58)
We are.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (50:18)
and the arthritis to see. So of course, you know, we get an idea and the seed is planted. We think about it, the seed is planted. So I went to my automatic writing, trying to think, where did this come from that it's ancestral? And then I thought about my ancestors coming from England. Why did they leave England? Because they were so persecuted. Their life was so hard and they were so persecuted.

Darla Ridilla (50:25)
Mm-hmm. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (50:44)
and they

were educated people, you know, but they just had nothing. They weren't going to get nothing, anything. And they're leaving that because of the pain and the persecution to come to a land that has nothing. Yeah. Can you imagine the pain they had and how tough they had to be, the ones that survived? Had to be tough. had to, you had your back into the work. You were carrying the load.

Darla Ridilla (51:03)
Yeah.

Sandra Valks (51:10)
not only of the rocks you were moving and the wood you were cutting, but the load of the obligation and the survival and the stiff upper lip. That's what I grew up in. That's what I grew up in. So you start looking at your ancestry and what they had to do. And then I can remember what looking at my grandma Reed sitting in her rocking chair and she was sitting there, but she's very straight, like it's not just relaxed and down yet. It's very straight and very hard.

Darla Ridilla (51:15)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes.

Sandra Valks (51:40)
very very strong. And her eyes are closed and her pain across her forehead and that stiff upper lip. That's my vision of her now. When I was thinking about it.

Darla Ridilla (51:42)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (51:53)
all the emotional and mental abuse, the hard work and nine kids. All she wanted to do was love her children and nurture them and do the cooking, but life was not easy.

Darla Ridilla (52:04)
Right. And that does carry down to the generations, the generational trauma. It's a real thing. And I didn't really understand how much until last year when I started to study it and look at my own life and my own generational on both sides. Like, ⁓ so dad was abusive, but he had an abusive alcoholic father. And when you go way back to the Ridillas they came in through Ellis Island.

Sandra Valks (52:08)
You

Right, right.

Darla Ridilla (52:33)
How stressful that must have been to come from Czechoslovakia, all the way from Czechoslovakia on a boat and not even know if they're going to let you in. I have no idea what their experience was, but I can only imagine how traumatic and how badly they were treated by customs when they got here. And then here we are. Now what do we do? We're in New York. We're in the land of the free with nothing. I'm sure I don't know the whole story, but I'm sure they came with a suitcase.

Sandra Valks (52:35)
⁓ Elvis Island, that's something.

Mm-hmm.

Well, yeah.

Darla Ridilla (53:04)
Yeah, and nothing else. No money. Yeah.

Sandra Valks (53:06)
Yeah, I mean,

my Valk's name is a Dutch family, so they came with not much of anything either. my own ancestors wouldn't have come with much, although there's so many interesting things. They did bring their China teacups and their tea services. Because England knows very well.

Darla Ridilla (53:10)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I love that. Some luxuries.

It reminds me of the pioneers with their pianos and the covered wagons, right?

Sandra Valks (53:27)
So, you know, yeah.

Yeah, well, that's really what it was, you know,

because you brought something of your culture with you. If you could. Yeah. So the thing with this arthritis, even the arthritis, the theory in the I'm reading the book, Healing Your Back Without Medication, it's healing your back, SORNA, think is the author's name. Just a little paperback. But the whole idea is that down in our subconscious where we can't see is all of our

Darla Ridilla (53:37)
Yes, yes, some piece of your past. Well, absolutely. Yes.

Sandra Valks (54:00)
pain and I'm now realizing all the ancestral pain which is embedded. You you think of the indigenous with their holes in their heart of 400 years. We've got those 400 years if we look ancestry wise as well, but they're different. But there's that stuff down in there that we have repressed anger, anxiety, emotion that are so much. And I think that's why

Darla Ridilla (54:15)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (54:29)
there were five accomplished musicians in my little audience. All repressed. Somewhere along the way something blows up because I mean they were 55, 60 years old. I mean they made a lot of guys in there have had a career and got pensions waiting for them when they go out. You know, it's not like they were just young kids and they're in there for, but anyhow with the, even with the arthritis, there's anger and fury and stuff that we don't even realize is there. And the

Darla Ridilla (54:45)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (54:59)
Mind says, we don't want to, we're to keep that protected and hidden, so we'll make a pain somewhere else in the body. And the pain in the body is the distraction. So I'm realizing, okay, if there's really nothing structurally wrong within that area that's hurting, it's my mind having the pain because there's something in here that needs pulling out yet. So that's the theory I'm working. I'm not thinking about the pain anymore. I'm not working around the pain.

Darla Ridilla (55:21)
Yeah.

Sandra Valks (55:27)
just doing what I can and it's getting better already and it's only been a couple of weeks. I'm acting differently.

Darla Ridilla (55:36)
Nice. As I have, I've had chronic pain for about 10 years, and I do know that it is related to my trauma. ⁓ And at times it escalates, it escalated a couple of weeks ago, and then it's been dissipating again. But I do know that it is related because I had a full workup like when it first appeared like what is wrong with me? I'm in my mid 40s, I shouldn't be you know, doing that. But everything came back perfect. So I do was

Sandra Valks (55:45)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (56:05)
Not that it's fake, but there's something going on here that is manifesting in my body. Yeah.

Sandra Valks (56:07)
No.

Yeah. And

so here we are right back to communication. We've come full circle. It sounds like we went somewhere, but truly this has been personal communication. So there's communication of you and I just talking. There's communication of Toastmasters where we learn to stand up and speak in front of others and to share. And there's ⁓ communication where we lead workshops and do teaching, keynotes, any of those. And there's communication with our selves.

Darla Ridilla (56:18)
Right?

Sandra Valks (56:42)
So that's the areas of straight talk, of communication for anyone.

Darla Ridilla (56:47)
So important.

Say that again.

Sandra Valks (56:50)
So I'd say that's the whole idea of communication for anyone. You know, if you were to go and write your eulogy, think about your eulogy.

You know, if you're going to do a proper eulogy, a proper funeral, there's going to be somebody from every area of your life go up and give a little bit of a talk about their memories of you. So you're going to have family, you're going to have community, you're going to have the church, you're probably going to have an old school teacher show up and you're going to have where you volunteered, going to, you know, you kind of go around and around. There's going to be maybe 10 areas of your life that people want to speak to.

Darla Ridilla (57:12)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (57:32)
As I'm sitting and listening to a really well-done funeral, I recognize there's so much more to that person that I didn't know. I only knew that one little piece. But here's the whole thing. Knowing all those different people are going to go up and say something about you at your own funeral, write your eulogy. What are they going to say? What are they going to say? Hmm. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (57:57)
not all are going to be very nice about it because

Sandra Valks (58:02)
And then you turn around and say, what do you want them to be able to say about you? And then that's what you live into. Knowing who you want to be. And we live towards that. And that's all communication. know, so much of it is when we hear things come out of our mouth. Have you ever had a wonder, you know, you wonder about something? I'm going, I wish I'd said that, you know, I wish I'd said that. And you say it out loud, but you say it out loud to practice it. And did it.

Darla Ridilla (58:26)
Yeah.

There you go.

Sandra Valks (58:31)
⁓ no, that wasn't that's not exactly what I meant. And that's not the way it's going to be understood. So then you practice coming because of the power of words.

Darla Ridilla (58:39)
Mm hmm. Yep. I love that. Well, as we wrap up, is there anything, any of anything else you want to share for the audience? ⁓ I know, boom, an hour just went

Sandra Valks (58:45)
⁓ I don't know how we could. I think we went pretty good around.

wow. I just enjoy helping people open up. And in that opening up, they become confident, they become authentic, they don't have to apologize, they don't have to be bigger than themselves. They just have to claim their space and do it with what they know and how they care. And they were gonna win.

Darla Ridilla (59:11)
Mm-hmm.

Sandra Valks (59:21)
We're not going to count their ums and ahs and whether they sneezed in the middle of the speech. well, it's not going to matter.

Darla Ridilla (59:25)
Right.

I love

that we'll put the we'll put the links in the show notes, but how can people find you if they want to check you out or work with you?

Sandra Valks (59:36)
Alright, that would be wonderful. Anyone wants to have a chat and discover what our work might be together? I'm very easy to find on Facebook or LinkedIn. SandraVolks. It's just plain and simple SandraVolks with the pink hair. Send me a message, a note. And I've also got my webpage which is www.sandervolks.ca. It's all SandraVolks. That's my branding.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:05)
I it. I love it. This has been a great conversation. It's interesting how it went somewhere totally. I never thought we were going to talk about prison today. But it's expanding my mind and exposing me to new things as with others. So that's what makes it, I think, a great conversation. But I want to really thank you. I've enjoyed having this when we met at the podcast collaborative. I knew you were going to be a great guest. So thank you so much.

Sandra Valks (1:00:07)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:36)
And to my listeners, you have the power.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:44)
listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection. If you're a high achieving woman who looks like she's got it all together, but behind closed doors, you feel dismissed, depleted, or stuck in cycles that no longer serve you, know this,

You're not too much, you're just done accepting too little. Every episode is your space to unpack the real reasons powerful women stay stuck and how to create relationships that feel safe, honest, and fully aligned without sacrificing your fire. If today's episode hit home, share it, subscribe, leave a review, or send it to another woman who's ready to stop performing and start leading. Wanna go deeper?

Check the show notes for links to connect with me or take the next step in your journey. I'd love to hear what resonated for you. Keep tuning in because you have the power to stop shrinking, speak your truth and rebuild your relationships from radical self-trust. And I'm right here walking this road with you.