60: From Emotional Eating to Emotional Freedom With Jillian Scott

If you’ve ever found yourself standing in front of the fridge when you weren’t even hungry, reaching for food to calm the storm of emotions inside, this conversation is for you.

In the first episode of Healing Beyond Words: Food, Art, and the Path Back to Self series, I sit down with trauma-informed life and weight loss coach Jillian Scott to explore the hidden link between emotionally abusive relationships, emotional eating, and the shame so many of us carry in silence. Jillian shares her personal journey of binge eating for 14 years — and the rock-bottom moment that finally opened the door to healing.

Together, we unpack why food becomes our shield, how shame keeps us trapped in cycles of restriction and rebellion, and what it really takes to feel safe in our bodies again. You’ll walk away with practical tools to begin unlearning emotional eating, along with a radical shift in perspective: food isn’t the enemy, unprocessed pain is.

If you’re tired of “starting over Monday,” if you’ve felt powerless around food, or if you’ve carried the extra weight like armor after abuse, you’re not alone. This episode will show you how to begin creating safety, joy, and self-trust so you can move from food as comfort to food as freedom.

Connect with Jillian Scott:

Website: https://www.bodyyoucrave.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jillianamadea/?hl=en

Hungry For Love podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hungry-for-love-lose-weight-after-toxic-relationships/id1573281085

Connect with Darla Ridilla:

Book a free call: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/call

Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info

Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com

Sign up for newsletter: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/newsletter

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Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/highvaluewoman7/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darla-ridilla-3179b110/

Transcript

Jillian Scott (00:00)
And it's so good to see because emotional eating is a habit that we learn. So it's a habit we can unlearn, but it's reaching for food when we're not physically hungry. So we're trying to self-soothe in the moment where we're just trying to calm any type of, usually it's negative emotions. And so there's how do we handle the urge and the moment for food? And then there's also addressing the

Darla Ridilla (00:07)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (00:21)
deeper undercurrent of why are we seeking out avoidance from this negative emotion? What is the emotion? Why are we avoiding it? What's really happening? And what I found so much with just kind of narcissistic abuse is love is often withheld. Praise is withheld. Certain things, certain elements are withheld unless we hit a goal, we achieve something, we reach something. And so then praise can be given. And we learn to do that for ourselves.

Darla Ridilla (00:47)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom and real connection. I'm Darla Ridilla a certified somatic trauma informed relationship coach for high achieving women who've been told they're too much. If you've built success on the outside, if you're unseen, resentful, or like you're constantly editing yourself just to keep the peace, you are in the right place. I help powerful women stop shrinking in relationships that demand self abandonment, whether that's a partner, a parent, a boss or a best friend.

Because here's the truth, you are not too much, you're just accepting too little. Each week, you'll hear radical insights, nervous system-based tools, and unfiltered conversations that break the patterns keeping brilliant women stuck, and show you how to reclaim your power, your voice, and your relationships on your terms. Let's get started with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (01:42)
I'm so excited to have a coach with us today who is ⁓ an expert in emotional eating and how we can actually have healthy body image. So let's introduce you to her today. Jillian Scott is a certified trauma informed life and weight loss coach and creator of

the Hungry for Love podcast. She specializes in empowering clients to overcome the aftermath of emotionally abusive relationships, heal the relationship with food and body, and develop unwavering self-confidence and self-belief. With a blend of empathy, expertise, and firsthand experience, Jillian will teach you to celebrate a life so good it blows your mind. Jillian, welcome to the podcast today.

Jillian Scott (02:28)
yet.

Thank you so much for having me, Darla.

Darla Ridilla (02:33)
Yeah,

it's been a pleasure. I'm so excited. So I'm going to guess that there's a deep personal story behind why you started to combine that trauma-informed coaching with the relationship with food. Would you like to share?

Jillian Scott (02:47)
Yeah, absolutely. So I first really started working on my emotional eating in 2020. And it took me a couple years, it was probably 2018 when I first realized, okay, I have a problem. I'm constantly overeating. This isn't normal. I need some help. And so as I look back, I realized more of like, oh, I was a binge eater for about 14 years. And there were ups and downs with that. It wasn't always every single day, but definitely phases where it was heavier than others and

and I really just wrestled with food and body image. And so really kind of shifted the work that I did around emotional eating starting then in 2020 and coming out of the pandemic, most people were also waking up and realizing, my gosh, I'm stress eating, I'm eating because I'm anxious or I'm eating because it's there and I'm at home more or really shine the light on all of these patterns and behaviors. And one of which was often these relationship dynamics that we were in. And so...

thanks to the beautiful internet that we have in social media. would say, you know, it's sometimes it can be a double edged sword, but because of the ease, like the easy way to spread information and to spread ideas, I think we've really woken up to this concept around emotional and verbal abuse and narcissistic abuse. And so starting in 2002, I started waking up to patterns that were happening in my clients' lives and noticing how they mirrored the life that and the relationship that.

I had then in my marriage, as well as the patterns and the dynamics that I grew up with as a kid. And so at the same time that I'm doing some research and trying to help clients, I'm also, my sister's going to therapy and she's sharing information with me and I'm starting to wake up and just put all of these little breadcrumbs together. I'm having interactions and I told my aunt about one of them in particular and she was like, ⁓ that's a trauma response. And so, you know, just even waking up to

What is trauma? What is the trauma response in our bodies? ⁓ Why is it that like, ⁓ it would be like, there would be some kind of like, incident or like my dad, for example, would yell and even as an adult, I would start like, it would be a moment of peace where I would appease and then it was like, get the hell out of there. Even if it was just the situation and the topic and I stayed in the room, I had to like appease him and then like calm him down and then let's change topics. Let's talk about something else.

Darla Ridilla (04:46)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (05:11)
And then I was shaking. So even after it was quote safe, my body still was responding in ways that I couldn't control. And so just realizing and putting all of these pieces together, starting to figure out, okay, what is going on? And then the really hard part was recognizing what was playing out in my marriage and how I was experiencing things. And what I was starting to recognize was I, in,

I thought for a long time that I was treating my now ex-husband as like I did my dad growing up and I would withdraw and I would hide and I would not bring up issues. I would stuff things down. And it was always kind of like, stop treating me like your dad, I'm not him. And it was always kind of this, it was portrayed to me as it was this projection that wasn't accurate. And there was a real reason why I was responding to him the way that I used to respond or even would still respond to my dad.

And so as I started waking up to what was really happening in my own life, ⁓ it's like, once you see it, you can't unsee it. And then noticing for all of my clients then that I started, that I was working with then, and then moving forward over the next year, I started noticing, ⁓ everybody has some kind of like narcissistic relationship in their life. They have a parent, a step-parent, it might be a spouse, an ex-spouse.

Darla Ridilla (06:14)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (06:33)
It might be a business partner, but it's like there was some form of prolonged trauma typically, and this like relationship dynamic that they had, then they were also emotional eaters. And so it was just really fascinating to see like there is a connection as to why we are responding in this way and with this habit in terms of what's going on here.

Darla Ridilla (06:57)
Yeah, it's an interesting ⁓ connection when you mentioned it because, you know, with my own history of narcissistic abuse, I never really made the connection. But what I find interesting is if I look at my pictures of myself, I can tell when I'm the most stressed in my life because my face is more filled out. So I probably am eating, it's usually more junk food too. And it's not necessarily that I'm eating healthy and I crave like sugar and salt. Yeah.

Jillian Scott (07:14)
Mmm. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I know, I always say like, we're not binging on broccolini, you know? We're not like, emotionally eating cauliflower rice typically. We're, you know, we're binging and we're emotionally eating on chips and popcorn and nuts and...

Darla Ridilla (07:29)
No!

Right.

Jillian Scott (07:38)
and chocolates and cookies and ice cream and things that quote make us feel better in the moment or things that will take the edge off. And so a lot of times when I talk about emotional eating, I'll also kind of weave in emotional drinking. You may not actually have an alcohol problem, but it might be a way to self soothe in the moment. And so I think there's ⁓ there are some people who think maybe they have an addiction or they have an alcohol problem when really it's more of you are emotionally codependent on it. You're you're

Darla Ridilla (07:55)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (08:07)
to alcohol to unwind and relax and to feel better and to de-stress, which are a lot of the messages that we get around alcohol. so typically it's like we try to solve the wrong problem. We make alcohol bad, we make food bad, we make overeating the problem when really it's an under feeling problem. That's the real issue. It's not overeating, it's not over drinking, it's that we are under feeling. And when we can realize what the real challenge is and what the real quote problem is, now we can...

Darla Ridilla (08:15)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (08:36)
solve it accurately rather than going to war with food or just trying to restrict more that often increases our emotional eating.

Darla Ridilla (08:44)
Mm I've heard others say that when we put on weight on our body, it's actually an emotional padding, we're protecting ourselves against something. Is that also kind of what you've also discovered as well?

Jillian Scott (08:51)
Thank

In many cases, yes. And especially

when we've experienced trauma in a relationship, if there's been any physical or sexual trauma, for example, often the extra weight does it seeks to be that shield and that protective element. And we can want to lose weight, we can feel the pressure of like physically we need to lose weight. And then we also are highly resistant because

In our brains, a smaller body, a thinner body meant bad things happen to me. Bad people come into my life. I'm attracted to them. I attract them in. I can't say no. ⁓ These, you know, maybe it's like bad situations would come into your life again. And so it's really, ⁓ it can feel like we keep self-sabotaging and it can feel very frustrating, but really it's like subconsciously, it's not safe to lose the weight.

And so a lot of times it's not just the emotional eating side of things. It's not just the habit. It's not just the emotional current underneath we need to address. It's really creating safety in our body and our relationships and our life in order to fully release the weight. Otherwise, you can have the best of intentions, but never follow through. You can have a whole plan or sign up and get all kinds of food in the mail.

but you don't follow it, you don't eat it, or you're good for the week and then you blow it on the weekends and you just, and usually it's a couple of small thoughts like screw it, I've already blown my diet this week, it's Thursday, I'll start over Monday. We've got the weekend coming up, I've got this barbecue, I've got this family event or you know, whatever it is, like our brain is really good at justifying and excusing our eating behavior and so often it's done in an attempt to make us feel better.

Darla Ridilla (10:36)
Yeah, you know, there's that saying how you do one thing, you do everything. And I can see how that same perception can go in other areas of your life. Because I'm working with an intuitive coach and this has to do with money blocks. And she's been telling us, you know, on the money side, no matter how much you want the money, no matter how much marketing you do, if internally, for some reason, like I have this perception as a child that money makes people mean.

Jillian Scott (10:40)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Darla Ridilla (11:00)
So I was blocking abundance and money. And I think it's that same thing with the weight that no matter how much you diet, that's what I'm hearing, no matter how much you diet, matter how much you exercise internally, energetically, you're blocking that, your body's gonna respond.

Jillian Scott (11:01)
Hmmmm

you

Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yes, 100%. And it's so good to see because emotional eating is a habit that we learn. So it's a habit we can unlearn, but it's reaching for food when we're not physically hungry. So we're trying to self-soothe in the moment where we're just trying to calm any type of, usually it's negative emotions. And so there's how do we handle the urge and the moment for food? And then there's also addressing the

Darla Ridilla (11:24)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (11:39)
deeper undercurrent of why are we seeking out avoidance from this negative emotion? What is the emotion? Why are we avoiding it? What's really happening? And what I found so much with just kind of narcissistic abuse is love is often withheld. Praise is withheld. Certain things, certain elements are withheld unless we hit a goal, we achieve something, we reach something. And so then praise can be given. And we learn to do that for ourselves. So for me, if I'm on a weight loss journey, for example, and I want to lose

50 pounds, let's say. Well, it's like, I don't get to praise myself. I don't get to feel proud and confident and happy. I don't get to tell myself, good job, until I've lost all 50 pounds. And so we withhold love, we withhold praise, we withhold validation, we withhold so much until we get to the end result. And it makes it really hard. It's a real struggle. So even if you give yourself a year, the thought of like, my gosh, a year of like,

withholding food and the struggle and it's dreadful and the way that we try to lose weight and diet often makes us want it makes us emotionally eat even more. It makes us want the quote bad and forbidden food. And so often it's like we're emotionally eating because of the diets we're trying to do. And then we're emotionally eating trying to feel better because we aren't willing to give ourselves a freaking compliment. You know, it's like, but that's our narc trained brain. You know, that's just, it's like, often it's what we grow up with. It's what we learned in different relationships. It's the different patterns that happen. And

Darla Ridilla (12:44)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (13:03)
despite our best intentions, it's like, well, that's what we know until we learn another way.

Darla Ridilla (13:09)
It almost sounds like you have to give yourself small victories. ⁓ I remember Wayne Dyer talking about when he stopped drinking and instead of thinking I'm never going to drink again my entire life, which was way too big to even comprehend. He made a decision every morning when he got up, he said it just for today. I'm not going to drink. Yeah.

Jillian Scott (13:20)
Yeah

Yes, yes, yeah, I like that. And my

approach is also like, what can you do for the rest of your life without hating your life? And so one of the challenges is when we are emotionally eating, we're also finding so much joy and pleasure in food that we're not finding in our life. And so the thought of taking away the food is like, well, now you're taking away like my primary source of joy or comfort or pleasure or relaxation. And we don't.

Darla Ridilla (13:42)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (13:52)
fill that void. don't know how to meet that need for ourselves. We haven't filled it with something else that's joyful, pleasurable, fun, relaxing. And so we just try to take away the food and then think we're not going to have a tantrum. And really, it's like, no, we are like toddlers sometimes. we want that. And now that we're taking away, it's like we're taking away our wooby. We're taking away our little coping mechanism.

Darla Ridilla (14:04)
No!

Right?

Jillian Scott (14:16)
So now then the coping mechanism can jump to something new. So now maybe you're emotionally drinking, now maybe you're emotionally spending, now maybe you are emotionally dating and turning to a dating app to get that hit of dopamine because you're not getting it with these other ways until we learn the emotional needs that food is meeting for you. Or when you've been in narcissistic abuse, the emotional needs that the other person is meeting for you.

Darla Ridilla (14:27)
Mm-hmm.

You know, something that jumped in my head while you were talking is this habit that I didn't make the connection till now, but I think it goes back to childhood. So my dad was very self-centered, very selfish. And so my mom would make, say like a bowl of spaghetti. There's five of us, three children and the two parents. He literally would get the first half of the bowl. He was very thin. He was very, he had a high metabolism and then we would get what was left. And if we asked for seconds,

Jillian Scott (14:54)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

wow. ⁓

huh.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (15:08)
It would either be an absolute no, or my dad would get passive aggressive and say, fine, I'll just starve. And so I tend to stockpile food. My fridge is always like full. My freezer's like overflowing. Like I tend to buy more food than I can eat before it spoils. That's probably why.

Jillian Scott (15:15)
Yeah!

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, 100%. Right. And there's, there's so much that we grow up with around food, ⁓ food and money too. Right. Like were you ever told to clean your plate or don't throw that away? You can't waste the food. Right. So we're going to waste food by overeating because we are terrified of wasting food by throwing it away and like pissing off grandma who may not even be alive anymore, but it's like heaven forbid we do something like that. But yeah, so often it's like we are kind of trying to counteract.

Darla Ridilla (15:39)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Right.

Right.

Jillian Scott (16:01)
what we learned or what we experienced in growing up. even, it's like, even though we are in such a modern age where food is often plentiful and bountiful and we've got fast food and convenience stores and grocery stores and like there's so much food, we also have likely grown up with like either there was poverty, maybe there was a single parent, you live paycheck to paycheck, food, maybe you had a parent who didn't cook.

And so you kind of had to fend for yourself. Maybe you were reliant on an older sibling. Maybe you were the oldest and you were supposed to cook, but you're only eight and you're ⁓ like, I guess we're having cereal. So it's like, there's so much that we learn around food. It's just a survival mechanism. And then we try to overcompensate typically as an adult of like wanting to feel safe and secure. And that is one of the biggest things. So it's like, we need to feel safe and secure around food, safe and secure to lose the weight.

safe and secure in relationships, right? It's like so much of this, of like anything that we want and probably are struggling with, it's really finding that safety and security, even like what you were saying with money and money blocks and how it's like, doesn't make sense to us consciously, right? Because it's like, well, who doesn't wanna make more money? Of course we want to make more money. But when you grow up and money is scarce or you had to work hard or money meant you were maybe...

Darla Ridilla (17:07)
Mm-hmm.

Right?

Jillian Scott (17:22)
cheating people out so that you could pad your bank account, right? Like there's all kinds of messaging and misguided information that we get. And also I think people and parents, grandparents who were doing the best that they could with the information that they had. And often it's like emotional children in adult bodies trying to now parent children.

Darla Ridilla (17:26)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (17:44)
emotional and physical children, you know, and so it's, it's really, ⁓ I think we're at an age where now we really can see the cycles and we can break them. And, and it's like, I know I'm doing this work on myself and for me and like my future spouse, and also for my son, who thankfully is only four, like he's very young and I hope that I can create a really healthy, safe environment for him to where he can also be breaking cycles moving forward. ⁓ and, and recognize too, like.

Darla Ridilla (17:46)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (18:14)
parents, grandparents, great grandparents, they went through a lot of trauma. know, like we had World War I, the Great Depression, we had famines, we had World War II. You know, we often don't think about these kinds of aspects, but there was real trauma that was left untreated that then just got passed down generationally. And my view and take is that trauma is what drives narcissism.

It's a shame button that gets triggered and they can't handle the shame. And so they lash out in certain ways that are often controlling, passive, aggressive, manipulative, ⁓ know, emotionally or verbally abusive, things like that. ⁓ but my take is that it is, it's often very trauma-based. And so you need two people who are traumatized and one has to be more, one will have more of those narcissistic characteristics. One will have more that's a people pleaser, fixer, perfectionist. And these two now.

Darla Ridilla (18:36)
Yes. Yes.

Jillian Scott (19:04)
like fit together in this unfortunate Frankenstein puzzle. But it's like, that's why often the dynamic goes on for so long, or you may leave one relationship just to get into another one that's so similar.

Darla Ridilla (19:13)
Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yeah, that's so true. mean, because when I look back at my own narcissistic relationships, particularly that first one, I was very codependent and did not know that. And so first of all, I couldn't be alone. So and this person comes in and I want to be rescued because I didn't feel confident in who I was as a person and oh, here he is, you know, but

Jillian Scott (19:28)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Or maybe even

from your parents or like your dad and growing up with that, like wanting to be rescued from your home environment. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (19:42)
Mm-hmm.

Yes,

that's why I got married the first time. mean, while my first husband was not a narcissist, it really, even though I was living on my own for a year, there was this feeling of, well, first of all, I'm trying to replace what I would missed in my childhood and not having that healthy love with my father. So that's the first thing, because I met my first husband when I was 16. ⁓ But yeah, I think it was, if I get married, the fairy tale, it's gonna be the fairy tale, right?

Jillian Scott (19:50)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (20:15)
It's going to be so much better than my parents' marriage ever was because we love each other and you're blind when you're 19. That's all you see. Yeah. I know that they just really get in the way. So, you know, you touched on the word shame and it certainly with body image. I know just even myself today, I've put on a few pounds. I have been under a lot of stress because

Jillian Scott (20:20)
huh. huh. Yes! Right! Right! Damn you Hallmark movies!

Hahaha!

Darla Ridilla (20:43)
If anyone's been following me, they know I've been going through a move and a lot of loss as well. So there is a little bit of shame, even though I'm in my mid 50s and that's to be expected. How do you work with clients when they have their own shame of their body image?

Jillian Scott (20:59)
So this is something we do a lot of work around because typically that is a it's a narcissist favorite tactic to use on you is to poke your shame buttons so that even after you leave the relationship even when they're not in the room you now are shaming yourself and so it becomes a very ingrained habit that we have to rewire and it's usually looks like baby steps out of it so it's recognizing it's noticing the shame what are you saying to yourself it's allowing yourself to feel that

Darla Ridilla (21:07)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (21:29)
and then also not letting that be the end of the conversation. So it now becomes, I don't have to run and stuff and hide from the shame because typically that's what we're doing. We're running away from it. We're hiding from it. And I was actually just talking with a client too over the last couple of weeks because I know when he pulls back and he's not checking in and he's not, you know, he's not like doing our normal routine. I know that typically means.

He's not following his plan and he feels a lot of shame and embarrassment coming and doing a check-in and being like, well, I'm not following the plan. I know what to do, but I'm not doing it. And that often it gets turned inward and we feel like I'm such a horrible person. Why can't I figure this out? And we haven't learned to change the narquee voices. So we may have grown up and left the family of origin house. We may have left a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, but we still carry so much of that language with us because it's.

habits, how we learn to survive. And we mistakenly think somewhere along the way that we can shame ourselves into achieving a goal. If I can just beat myself up enough, I'll get it together and I'll figure it out. The problem is that we can't evaluate and learn from something if we are sitting in shame. And so one of the aspects is like, okay, we're going to feel it and now we're going to put it to the side. So I tell clients to imagine it's like a shame shawl. We're going to sit in it for a minute.

Darla Ridilla (22:34)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (22:51)
We're gonna allow ourselves to feel it and know that we're safe. are emotionally, physically safe feeling this, like feeling this. We'll feel it for several minutes. And then when they're ready, I'm like, okay, now I want you to take the shawl off. We're gonna take it off and put it to the side. And now we're gonna really work on curiosity and compassion. And we're gonna now evaluate. So we're gonna look back at the emotional eating last night or the binge that happened on Sunday.

we're gonna now address it we're gonna look at it and decode what it was trying to tell you because there's a message in it. And so often we are too wrapped up in our own shame to be able to decode this. We don't know how often we, it's like, it feels so scary and so unsafe to do that. But when we can, that's when we can learn from it. So that's when people say like, you fail forward.

Darla Ridilla (23:33)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (23:39)
You can only feel forward when you're learning from your mistakes and you can only learn from them when you're willing to evaluate. Same thing would apply to like business, making money, dating and finding a new partner. You we have to be able to look back and see like, ⁓ you know, I definitely would do things differently next time or ⁓ here are the red flags that I saw, but I chose to ignore, right? It also requires radical honesty and not beating yourself up.

Darla Ridilla (23:57)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (24:06)
not falling back into shame and just being able to hold space for everything that comes up. And the more that we can do that, the less we are likely to be emotionally eating as well because shame can also be a big driver of like why we're turning to food because we feel like we're not good enough. I should be further along. I should have a bigger house. It's all the shoulds.

Darla Ridilla (24:26)
Yeah, it almost sounds like it's this cycle that just kind of replicates on itself. know, versus like this morning, I have to admit I was getting ready and I'm like, gosh, I put on 10 pounds, I really don't like that. And then I'm like, okay, you have, you did, you've been through a lot and you tend to put on weight when you're stressed. I can't go back and undo what happened. But what I can do,

Jillian Scott (24:32)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (24:52)
is go to the gym three times a week, go dancing on the weekends, and let the weight just come off on its own. I cannot change what today my body looks like, but I can change my behavior moving forward to get it back to where I want it to be.

Jillian Scott (24:58)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

exactly. Right. so I think when we can recognize, this is why, so I give clients a worksheet to do whenever they weigh in, because so often we're not just weighing our body. Like we are weighing our self-esteem. It's like our mood for the day. It is our self-concept. And so it's really learning to detach from that number and to just see it as data. So it's recognizing like, what am I making this number mean?

Darla Ridilla (25:17)
Yes. Yes.

Jillian Scott (25:31)
So it's like, is such a helpful thing of like, when I get on the scale, what am I making it mean if it's gone up a few pounds? Also, am I, like, what am I making it mean if it's gone down a few pounds? And we want to look at like genuinely what contributes to that without any shame or judgment, right? So it's like, ⁓ well, you know, I was, wasn't planning my food this week or, you know, I had leftover pizza and so I was eating pizza all week long or whatever it was, right? And so often it's like, we aren't.

paying attention to the little things we need to clean up. Like it's not that we need a big restrictive diet. It's that I need to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm satisfied, which means I'm going to need to work on any emotional eating, eating when I'm not hungry, eating past the point of being satisfied or any binge eating and looking at self soothing, right? Again, it's like that under feeling of like, need to learn to feel my emotions more. And it becomes so much less of a food problem. has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with why you're reaching for it.

Darla Ridilla (26:27)
Mm That's yeah, that is so true. ⁓ If there's someone that just totally feels out of control, they hear what you're saying. But they don't even know how to start or know if they can start, what would you say to them?

Jillian Scott (26:38)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Yeah, you know, and I like I feel you so hard. I when I was really waking up to this, like I would be overeating. I'd overeat at lunch all throughout the afternoon, then into the evening. And I'd be like, what is wrong with me? Like, why do I keep reaching for food and I'm not hungry? But it was like, I was powerless to stop. And so the first place to start is asking yourself before you eat, am I hungry? Because we just want to start waking up to that physical that awareness of like, my body will tell me when I'm physically hungry.

Darla Ridilla (26:48)
Right

Jillian Scott (27:13)
And do I, and it's a learning process to yourself to eat all foods and nothing is bad or off limits. And when it's not off limits and we can actually moderate because when the food is bad and I'm bad for eating it, well then screw it. If I've already blown it, who cares? I've already messed up. I'll start over later. I'll wait until I can be perfect. And it's that perfectionist fantasy that we get stuck in.

And so really, it's like really starting to step into, okay, well, food's not bad, but I need to learn to trust myself around certain aspects and certain things. So it's going to start, we'll start with, I hungry? And then we'll start to play with, have I had enough? And I like to remind myself too of like food solves hunger. It doesn't solve emotions. And so part of, part of it is going to be like tools and tips and tactics and things that I give around that aspect. And how do we follow through? How do we learn from the emotional eating?

The other aspect is creating a life that really lights you up. So create a life where you don't, it's full of fun and joy and pleasure so that you're not seeking that from your bag of Oreos, from your bag of Cheetos, you know? And it's hard. I have another client who she's a little frustrated when she can't emotionally eat. She's like, dang it, I'm not hungry and I just want to eat more food. And like, I can't. And it's, you know, it's like, okay.

Darla Ridilla (28:21)
No.

Jillian Scott (28:35)
Now the work becomes, I was like, now we got to listen to your body and the work becomes, how do I find more pleasure and joy and comfort and relaxation in my life? So what are the things that aren't serving me? Am I really aligned with my career? Am I really aligned with this relationship? Am I really healing and working through past trauma? Do I keep repeating and dating the same person over and over again? ⁓ We have to really evaluate even down to like,

Am I like, am I swimming if you like to swim? Am I going to dance class? I am not super artistic, but I found these paint by numbers paintings and I was like, I can paint by numbers. Like it's super fun. And so I started painting. I've started playing the guitar again. And so it's really looking at like, what are the things that you want to do? And now let's go out there and make them happen and make your life more full of joy and fun and adventure. I love going to concerts and comedy shows.

Darla Ridilla (29:13)
⁓ yeah.

Jillian Scott (29:33)
It's intentionally putting those on my calendar, buying tickets and going and grabbing a friend or being willing to go by myself, which was a huge step for me last year, which was going to do things on my own. ⁓ because I was also very judgy of like what you don't have any friends, Jillian, like you're a loser if you're going there by yourself, you know, like was so judgy and really it's like, no, okay. Like, ⁓ you know, so it's like working through all of my own stuff.

Darla Ridilla (29:50)
Right?

Jillian Scott (30:02)
⁓ but it's, it's take it in steps. So we need to have a lot of compassion. ⁓ and, this is also where I always encourage people to like get support, get a therapist, find a coach, find a mentor, a community space, maybe a membership, but like we, it is so hard to do this work on our own, just like healing from narcissistic abuse. It is really difficult to do something like that on your own. I wasn't able to, I really needed a coach to come in and really help me to see the patterns and break the old patterns that kept replaying out.

I really recommend you find somebody. Like even if it's not me, I always tell people like, find a coach, find a therapist, find somebody who can help give you the support where you need it. Somebody that you resonate with because that is really where the transformation happens because it's not just about information. We can read books and listen to podcasts and watch YouTube videos all day long.

But if we don't know how to implement it into our own life, we don't know how to really take it and apply it and figure out and to see the cycles. But it's like, if we could see it, we would have broken it by now. Like if we could actually see what was playing out, we would have solved this. We wouldn't be here. So, so often we just, need that outside perspective and somebody who can understand where you're coming from and what you're going through and how to break it. And then give yourself the permission to take those tools and make them your own.

Darla Ridilla (31:23)
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Jillian Scott (32:07)
So I have a worksheet that I give to clients to come, I call it a discovery worksheet where they're gonna go like evaluate an ovary or a binge or something like that. I have one client where she was like, I don't like your worksheet questions. I'm just gonna journal. And I'm like, that's cool. Like do what works for you. I found the worksheet was really helpful for me in evaluating, but some people might be like, nope, that actually just bogs me down. I just wanna start journaling and recognize like what's coming up for me right now. So you're gonna find your own.

Darla Ridilla (32:21)
Okay.

Jillian Scott (32:36)
process in your own method as you give yourself permission to experiment with the tools that you have as well.

Darla Ridilla (32:43)
Yeah, I love that. You one of the things that's been helpful for me is sometimes even though deep down I know the answer or I know what I'm supposed to do, I'm so close to the topic that I'm blinded by the answer. Like I can't see it. And even though it's right here, but an outside person who's not attached to it, who's able to listen and come to that conclusion can see it so far.

Jillian Scott (32:51)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (33:12)
more clearly than I can. And once they pointed out, then it's like, oh, yeah, that's so true.

Jillian Scott (33:17)
Yeah, yeah.

Right. like finding a coach or somebody who can be honest, radically honest with you and not just tell you what you want to hear because I know my coach sometimes she's like, you know, Jillian, that sounds a little manipulative or like that sounds a little, you know, entitled. And I'm like, ⁓ yeah, you're right. You know, like, like when they can say the hard thing, but they say it with love and they say it

Darla Ridilla (33:26)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yes.

Jillian Scott (33:46)
for your benefit, it's like, that's what you need. And this is where I think it can be challenging because, this is why we have to work on shame because I could never, like, it would be so hard to receive that if I just turned inward and was like, I know I suck, I'm a horrible person, I'm never gonna figure this out versus like, yes, I see this now. Okay, I don't like this. I don't like how this is showing up or how this is playing out. Here's what I wanted you differently, right? And it's more of a,

Darla Ridilla (34:06)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (34:15)
productive, useful aspect. ⁓ But yeah, so often like we can't see it or it's not safe to see it. I would say that's the other aspect is like sometimes we lie to ourselves because it's safer and we are getting needs met. And so it's like, well, I don't want to let go of the food or the alcohol because this is how I'm meeting my needs. So I'm going to lie to myself about certain aspects. I did this in dating too. could get, I got divorced, but then

Darla Ridilla (34:17)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (34:45)
dated a guy who was, I would say emotionally avoidant. He wasn't a narcissist, but like had some avoidant tendencies. And there was like a very abrupt breakup. And then I was like, okay, I'm gonna slow down, take my time. But when love bombing still feels like real love, and it's like, I could tell there were red flags. And I was like, I think this is love bombing. But at the same time, it's like feeding my soul. Of course I couldn't walk away. Of course it took me eight months to break free.

Darla Ridilla (35:11)
Right.

Jillian Scott (35:13)
And it was that at the end of that relationship is what I would say was my rock bottom moment when I was like, shit, I need some help. Like I can't do this on my own. I really need to get some support. it was like, I didn't feel like I had like, it didn't really have the money, but I was like, I'm gonna figure this out and I'm gonna make sure that I have the money because this is so important to me. it was like, little by little, day by day, over the course of like five, six months,

Darla Ridilla (35:19)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (35:42)
really broke through so much trauma and had so much healing and awareness and reflection. And ⁓ I would talk to my coach and boxer and I talked to her like literally every day. I would leave her like an hour's worth of messages. Maybe not quite an hour, but like at least 30 minutes a day of just like processing. And it depends on how you tend to process, right? But yeah, like it is tough, right? And it's like, we have to be honest with ourselves though about what's happening.

Darla Ridilla (35:59)
Yeah, excuse me.

Jillian Scott (36:11)
And it's like honest that we don't have the solution and we need help and there's nothing wrong with that. Like that's why we have people in these professions of like psychologists and therapists and coaches and like find somebody who resonates and that works for you.

Darla Ridilla (36:26)
Mm-hmm. One of the things I have worked with two coaches right now and one of them she has said that if we're not uncomfortable, we're not growing. So we because she kind of called me out on something a couple of weeks ago and initially I said, well, that's what I'm paying you for to piss me off, you know, but then I said, well, you didn't actually piss me off. It was more I felt uncomfortable and she's like, that's good because you're about to have a breakthrough. If you're getting uncomfortable, something's coming up for you and

Jillian Scott (36:34)
Mmm, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (36:55)
Face it, you know, be uncomfortable.

Jillian Scott (36:56)
Yeah,

yeah, right, right. And it's a little scary. And also recognizing we can only grow as quickly as our nervous system will allow us. And so one of the things that I tell people too is I give this analogy of like, we are in our comfort zone in our little bubble. And then we come outside of our comfort zone. But instead of just coming out one or two steps, we want to like, like catapult ourselves out of our comfort zone into the scared shitless zone.

Darla Ridilla (37:06)
Yes.

Jillian Scott (37:23)
And then we're there for like a day or two, and then we go running back to our comfort zone. And we're like, I can't do this. Yep. Too much, too fast. It's also how I describe trauma. Like, you live with what happens. And so we really have to take it in. It's going to feel slow. I think that is probably one of the biggest challenges. And I know I've said this too about different things of like, this is going to take forever. That sounds terrible, but it's, it's really like when we do it one step at a time.

Darla Ridilla (37:27)
Right, it's too much.

Yes!

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (37:50)
We got 1 % better. It's one step, one little step out of our comfort zone. That's where we want to be when we're doing that consistently. It's like, oh, I just have to leave two bites behind. OK, I think I could do that, right? When it's not that you have to cut your calories in half and go from eating 2,500 calories to 1,200, because that is a starvation diet that no one is going to be able to maintain. But when you know, like, oh, I can just leave two bites behind at lunch and dinner and

Darla Ridilla (38:03)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Jillian Scott (38:19)
do that for a week and I'll lose a pound or two. Like, hey, that's not bad, right? The struggle is when, well, I wanna lose five pounds this week. I wanna lose these 10 pounds this week, right? We want that instant gratification. So I think there's a lot of things at play and ⁓ part of it, especially with our bodies and like the weight loss and the emotional eating is often when we solve for the emotional eating and the binge eating and we can really heal that habit.

Darla Ridilla (38:32)
Yes.

Jillian Scott (38:48)
the weight comes off so much easier because so often the challenge and the problem isn't like the food and the what we're eating, it's that we're emotionally eating or binge eating. so it's like, again, once we address the real problem, the real issue, it's like these other things become much easier. So it's, yeah, and it plays out in all areas of life.

Darla Ridilla (39:11)
It makes so much sense because so I have an ex-husband who is an alcoholic and he hasn't drank for several years. Part of the reason we're not married anymore, he was not a narcissist and I left him because of his drinking and habit of losing jobs. But after we were separated for a while, we actually got back together and he had stopped drinking. And the reason I went ahead and divorced him and

Jillian Scott (39:19)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (39:38)
and ended it after the second time was he never dealt with the reason that he drank in the first place. So even though he was abstaining from the substance, that reason was underneath and he was actually more unpleasant to be around. Yeah.

Jillian Scott (39:44)
Mmm, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, interesting. Yeah,

it's dormant, right? That's what I say now about like, my ex husband, he is like a great guy in most circumstances. And like, he's like the perfect Christian and goes to church and sings in the choir, he will help his buddy move on the weekends. He's great at work, right? Like most people would look at him and be like, he's an amazing guy. And how he treated me when no one else was looking was not always great. But

Darla Ridilla (39:58)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Jillian Scott (40:23)
I can't just blame him either. There were parts of me, it's like, why did I stay? There were parts of me that played into that dynamic. There were cycles and habits and patterns in me that I had to break. It doesn't mean that I'm the problem. It doesn't mean that I deserved that or that that now excuses or justifies his behavior or his words, but it helps me to also recognize like when we were getting divorced, I was very much like, you're the problem, you're the issue.

Darla Ridilla (40:29)
Yes.

Right?

Jillian Scott (40:50)
I am

Darla Ridilla (40:50)
Right.

Jillian Scott (40:51)
so done, you know, and, he rightly so was fairly defensive. And, and so it was like something that I just, dropped, wasn't going to force, but I see now more of like, yep, there are some patterns and there are some things in myself that I have to work on that I want to address. And it doesn't make me bad or wrong. It doesn't mean that what he did was okay. And I also know that even though he like right now we have a pretty

amicable relationship. He like all of his traits, they're just dormant. They have not gone away. He has not changed. And he's still going to be like a very nice guy, very charming, you know, and I know that those behaviors, those patterns are just dormant. And the reason I know that is also because we were married for 10 years. And so it's like, nothing really changed in those 10 years, they might have been dormant for a year or two.

Darla Ridilla (41:23)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (41:47)
but they always came back. And so it's one of those things where I know like we are much better off as co-parents. We have a much better relationship now as co-parents. And ⁓ even now, like today I went to my son's school. He was supposed to have like a karate belt promotion ceremony. They ended up postponing it, but I saw him and he was like, wow, you look really pretty today. So it's like, he can be nice and give me a compliment. And I can be like, thank you. And we can trade off. I...

I took my son one weekend so he could go on a date. know, it's like we do things for each other. We have a pretty good relationship, but I also know like we were not good together. And while I'd like to think that he would be different with a future wife, I don't know, you know, like I hope he is, but at the same time, I also know like this is, it's a cyclical thing. It stems from childhood trauma. And I just, know, most of the time people can't like, they are not willing to address it. They might go to therapy, but

Darla Ridilla (42:30)
Right.

Jillian Scott (42:45)
They're not actually healing the trauma. And, you know, it's, it's sad, but it's like, we have to focus on ourselves and like, okay, what can I control? What can I fix? And when I recognize that I kept dating, narcy types of people, and I kept attracting them in, and I was attracted to them, I had to deal with that because that's a me issue. And that's something that I had to break.

Darla Ridilla (43:02)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

No, totally. While I got away from the narcissist I had one a couple of years ago, last year, my two relationships, dismissive avoidance seemed to be the theme. When you went to the avoidant, I'm like, yes. And I've never had those before. But I'm like, there must be a reason that I attracted two in a row. So what was going on with me to attract that? it's interesting because their behavior is very similar, but the intent is different. The intent is not to manipulate. They just get scared and sabotage.

Jillian Scott (43:20)
Wow. Yeah.

and

huh.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (43:40)
But so I've been.

Jillian Scott (43:40)
But they also love bomb at the beginning. They also typically will love bomb and like, yet they'll have big, quick, intense feelings, talk about the future early on. So there are some like, yep, yep. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (43:43)
They do love bombs, yes.

Yep, yep. There was future faking going on for sure. ⁓ And

there was a deep sadness in me because I just recently moved to Durango and in my last relationship, we had actually talked about that coming here together. And it hit me really hard right after I got here. Like, what is wrong with me? And like, because I came here by myself. And while that was the original plan, the middle plan was to come here with somebody else and I didn't.

Jillian Scott (44:16)
Yep.

Darla Ridilla (44:17)
and went back to plan A, know? But

Jillian Scott (44:17)
Yep. Yep.

Darla Ridilla (44:19)
⁓ I really had to, I've been single now for five months and while I'm willing to date again, I haven't been rushing back into that. I'm not on the apps. I mean, I've said in the past, I wouldn't, but I may just for practice at a later time. But right now, and I'm like, I'm just gonna see what happens organically. Like if I'm supposed to meet someone, then I'll meet them.

Jillian Scott (44:36)
Yeah, yeah.

Right. I'm doing the same thing. actually, had a friend, I was talking to a new friend over the weekend at a kid's birthday party and she was like, my husband has a single friend. Do you like guys who ride motorcycles? And I'm like, yeah. ⁓ no. So I'm like, ⁓ or like meeting a guy at church or the gym or, know, yeah, it's like, you can meet people in so many different ways outside of apps. So you don't have to be on them by, and I'm not against them for anybody either, but I know.

Darla Ridilla (44:41)
you

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (45:05)
for me, like, my desire is to meet somebody more organically, more naturally, but I also have to put myself out there. means I have to, I have to go to events. I have to make friends. I have to talk to people. ⁓ and, and, know, it's, it's all about, you know, what feels comfortable and right. And, works for you and your, your schedule, your lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. But like, I get the grief there of like, you're pursuing this dream and you're, you're fulfilling this vision. And yet there's also the loss of.

Darla Ridilla (45:12)
Yes.

Jillian Scott (45:34)
doing it with somebody else that was part of the vision for a while. And yeah, it's like, it's really holding space for all of those emotions that come up in any walk of life, whether it's with dating, a job, a business, ⁓ something to do with your kids, you know, it's like really holding that space for it and allowing yourself to process through all the waves of grief. did a whole series, I did three podcast episodes on grief last year.

Darla Ridilla (45:37)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (46:01)
because it's such a strong emotion. And I did it in terms of like dating and divorce around like death and like the true loss of someone. And then just kind of my take on grief, which is like, it's the loss of the hope of the future you were gonna have with someone. So anytime the dynamic changes, it could be the loss of moving to a new city. It could be the loss of a potential job. could be, you know, it's like the loss of what you thought you were going to have, the hope of the future. And when we can really hold space for the...

Darla Ridilla (46:16)
Yes.

Jillian Scott (46:30)
chemical emotional cocktail that is grief that encompasses so many emotions and like allow it to be there instead of fighting it we move through it so much faster.

Darla Ridilla (46:41)
You know, that is so true. actually back at near the end of the year, I did a podcast about that because this breakup happened in November and I couldn't understand why it was a short relationship, why I was grieving so badly. And then I just had to say, this is what it is. I was very much invested. Of course, that's my pattern and I'm working on that, but I was invested like a lot and I'm really hurting from this one. And instead of you say, you know how you fight it.

Jillian Scott (46:58)
Yes.

Darla Ridilla (47:09)
You talked about that earlier. I said I'm gonna give myself permission to grieve as hard as I want until the end of the year January 1st we have to start moving on but You want to cry all day cry all day, you know till New Year's Eve. You can do whatever you want ⁓

Jillian Scott (47:14)
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So the first relationship that I had, I dated him for three months. And then we broke up. He broke up with me and it felt like out of the blue. And I'm like, we had like one conversation and now you're walking away. So it was very much like, I couldn't see it at the time. But in my mind too, there was so much scarcity around dating. And it was like, I've lost the one.

healthy man in the entire United States, right? Which looking back, I'm like, not that healthy, Jillian. Not really. But I felt like I totally screwed it up. I was like, why did I say that? I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have seen that look on his face. And it's like beating myself up. And so there was like, I think there were two weeks of that. And I remember crying on my way to a Christmas party. Like trying not to cry into the charcuterie board that I was bringing.

Darla Ridilla (47:48)
Mm-hmm. You're right.

Right? Like, wait a minute.

Jillian Scott (48:17)
And I'm just like, I don't want to go, but I also know that I need to go and be around people. But I was like, okay. I was like, I can be sad and I can cry about not having him. I can grieve and I can be as sad as I want, but I'm no longer going to beat myself up for this. I'm no longer going to throw myself under the bus and tell myself that I ruined it, that I messed it up, that this was my one chance of happiness. Like that is going to stop.

And I still cried like every day. cried every day for like two weeks. At one point it was like on the bathroom floor with my son, you know, like he had the tantrum and then I just melt down. And then it turned into like, then it was like, then there was a day without tears and then there were tears again, but then there were two days without tears and then maybe tears again. And then it was like, then I realized, I think it's been a week and I haven't cried. ⁓ right. It's like, you can look back and this is also how we'll handle things like

Darla Ridilla (48:48)
Right?

Ha

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (49:08)
emotional eating and binge eating, right? It's like, we're gonna have a couple days where we don't emotionally eat, but if it's a long standing ingrained pattern, you're probably gonna, you're not just gonna stop all of a sudden. It's like you will overeat, you will binge again, but then there'll be a couple more days where you're not binging. And then you're gonna realize, wow, I went a whole week and I didn't emotionally eat or I didn't binge. And then it'll go to two weeks and then a month.

Darla Ridilla (49:10)
Yes.

No.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (49:33)
And now I'm five years binge free. Like I've not binged in the last five. And so to go from 14 years of like pretty heavy, consistent binging to five years of like none whatsoever. That's huge, you know, and it starts with those small little steps and not needing to be 100 % healed, 100 % emotionally eating free. We don't need to be our perfect goal weight in order for us to be making progress.

Darla Ridilla (49:45)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Jillian Scott (50:03)
And I think that's the biggest thing, just like with our relationship with people, with food, it's always like, am I making the progress? Am I seeing and validating that progress? And even when it feels like it's not working, can I still look for where it is and still maintain that hope and still maintain that vision and look at, okay, what can I do differently next time? But how is it also working now? Because so often we are looking for this end result and so much needs to work under the surface.

Darla Ridilla (50:18)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (50:30)
before we see a drop in the scales. So much needs to work before we find our healthy partner, but we may not find them right away and that's okay. And it's, everybody's on their own journey. And I think that can be kind of challenging. It's like, well, she can lose weight or she can do this or she can get divorced and then find this amazing healthy man. it's like, that's great for her or for him and your path looks different.

So let's stop fighting it. Let's stop questioning God and really start to trust that maybe God or the universe like has a plan and you now can just like calmly work on your stuff and trust that the right person is gonna come at the right time.

Darla Ridilla (51:12)
Yeah, totally. I think whenever we compare ourselves to others, we're setting our own selves up for failure. You know, look at it like a yoga class, we're all on different levels. And often the teacher will always say, just do what feels comfortable to your body. So, you know, I've made it a practice, even though I've seen people out of the corner of my eye doing crow, and I'm like, I can't do that or what is some pose, you know, I have to remember that my body today feels icky and stiff.

Jillian Scott (51:18)
Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (51:38)
And so I'm just going to do what's good for me, but this is better than sitting at home and not coming at all to class. Yeah.

Jillian Scott (51:38)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Or yeah, like I know I'll do like a dancing Shiva pose and my knee is like pretty bent. It is not straight, you know, like my hamstrings are so tight. And so I like, there are certain poses that I'm working on and I'm like, I am not doing like, this is not pretty at all. But I know that by doing it, even when it's not pretty, even when it's not, doesn't feel like it's perfect, I'm getting better and better. And

Darla Ridilla (51:51)
Yeah, right?

Right?

Jillian Scott (52:09)
I just picked up yoga again, starting last November. So it's only been in like the last five ish months that I've really been doing it once a week, but I can already like, can see a huge improvement. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (52:20)
Mm-hmm. Yeah,

I love it. I try to do it every week when possible. It's just, yeah, it's wonderful. ⁓ I think we have covered so much, but I have a couple of questions left. One is, do you have a specific breakthrough story you'd like to share with us?

Jillian Scott (52:24)
Mm-hmm.

We have! I ⁓ know!

Let's see. I mean, I've got lots of breakthrough stories. Do you want a particular topic or? ⁓

Darla Ridilla (52:45)
Yeah, whatever you if you have a favorite.

Jillian Scott (52:56)
Yeah, so I know for me with like with the emotional eating, one of the things that I was really good about picking up on was like, okay, what is the excuse or justification or permission giving thought my brain is offering to eat? Because it's going to have a very logical reason, right? Like somebody else is paying for it. It's free. ⁓ Everybody else is eating. You don't want to be rude. Make sure you take some birthday cake, you know, whatever it is.

Darla Ridilla (53:14)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (53:20)
Or I remember there was two nights where I emotionally ate ice cream, two nights in a row, and my brain offered me two different reasons as to why I was gonna emotionally eat. And so that second night I was like, well, I'll be damned, like that smart brain of mine just trying to get its needs met. And it's like, ⁓ you know, so it's like the more that we can be curious and have more of a playful energy with this and not feel like it's this, ⁓ like, like this is not brain surgery, you know, like.

Like it's not as hard and as much of a struggle. And I think the more that we can really play into like, how can I create a life that I want and a life that's full of pleasure and joy and fun and adventure, the less I need food. And also like the less I need a man in my life to do that for me. And so it's when I thought about taking a year off from dating, because I was like, okay, can I do six months? Can I do a year? There was a thought where I was like, that sounds dreadful. Like a year of no dating.

Darla Ridilla (54:17)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (54:18)
that's gonna suck. And so often that's how we think about losing weight or maybe working on a food habit and emotional eating, just to stop drinking or to take a break from drinking. We're like, this month's gonna suck. But really it's like, no, no, no. What if actually we focused on creating a life that was fun and we did things that we wanted to even if we weren't dating somebody, even if we weren't drinking, even if we were still working on our emotional eating and not trying to do it in a vacuum.

Darla Ridilla (54:24)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (54:47)
and

really giving yourself that permission. And I'd say for me too, it's like, I had to really look at my food rules that I thought were keeping me safe. Like I can't lose weight and eat carbs. And that was actually driving my binge eating. And it was really like what the, eating carbs at lunch and dinner, because I typically don't, I'm not hungry in the morning for breakfast. So I'll usually eat an early lunch. ⁓ But by adding carbs and learning to trust myself and trust my body around them, I actually had

Darla Ridilla (55:11)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (55:17)
I cravings, had fewer urges because I allowed the carbs instead of restricting and thinking, I just need to run more, exercise more, eat less, keto harder. It's like really questioning these food rules that I held tight for over a decade. And it's like, is this really working? And when we can, again, be 100 % honest, when we have the self-trust and...

the self support of like, can be radically honest here and recognize, okay, this is where I've gotten myself. Here's like, this is not where I want to be. Like I need some help breaking these cycles, breaking these patterns. And that's exactly what happened in relationships too. I got to this point where I was like, holy shit, how did I let myself get here kind of thing? But also like, okay, and now I'm done. Now I'm ready to figure this out and to work on it.

And this is what I would say if you are, maybe you have somebody in your life who's dealing with a narcissist or they're dealing with emotionally eating or binge eating, they're gonna have to kind of come to that own rock bottom place in that moment of like, my gosh, I need some help. I can't keep doing this. I need some support. And what we wanna do is keep loving and encouraging them until they get to that point because nothing we say or do is going to get them to.

to their mind. Like we just have to lovingly show up and say things like, you know, that's not okay. Like that's not okay that he said that to you or that she did that. That's not all right. I had a friend who did that for me and it was so powerful. So don't underestimate that.

Darla Ridilla (56:49)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, the validation of what you're going through does does matter does suck. Yeah.

Jillian Scott (56:59)
Yep, yeah, yeah. And

that is not okay. That is not normal. Not all relationships are like that. all men, not all women are like that. Yep.

Darla Ridilla (57:07)
Mm-hmm.

I love that. Is there anything I haven't asked you that you would like to share?

Jillian Scott (57:17)
gosh, I don't know. I feel like I've been kind of all over the place.

Darla Ridilla (57:21)
I kind of liked it

because I think it made the conversation really interesting.

Jillian Scott (57:25)
Yeah, well,

these these these concepts are just so interconnected. It's like, you know, kind of like all woven together. ⁓ I will share one of my favorite quotes is by a former pastor, ⁓ Paul David Tripp, and he says, Sometimes God takes us where we don't want to go to create in us what couldn't have been done any other way. And so sometimes we feel like kind of this like, why am I here? Why did it have to get this bad? Or why did this happen? Why? You we can we can have

Darla Ridilla (57:30)
They are.

Jillian Scott (57:54)
this kind of pity party of why and feel frustrated and stuck or maybe like we've been forgotten or God has forsaken us. And really it's like, no, no, no, that's what needed to happen in order for you to move and get them to the right path that you needed to be on. And I know that while growing up in the household that I did was not fun. I would not want to go back there in many, many ways. I also know that I needed that experience because it was going to help me to have so much more compassion.

for people and it was gonna help me tie and make this connection between it's not just about your adult relationships, it really stems back to what you learned in childhood and to be able to make that connection not just with people but with food. And I have so much more compassion for single moms now. When I used to be a little judgy and I was like, well, maybe you shouldn't have married a douche bag. Like maybe you shouldn't have had unprotected sex with this jerk. You know, of like.

Darla Ridilla (58:33)
Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (58:51)
And not that I would say that to anybody, but in my mind, I'm like, well, you chose, right? Yeah. I'm like, you chose poorly. Like that's on you. And now I'm like, man, I chose, I chose poorly. And now it's not just a matter of I chose poorly. It's, ⁓ they weren't a total jerk. Like they love bombed you and they made you feel so special. And they met needs for you that you didn't have met in childhood. And it's like, there's just so much more awareness and understanding and compassion for them. And so, ⁓ so I recognize like as much as I,

Darla Ridilla (58:53)
Right, but you're thinking it.

Jillian Scott (59:21)
don't love that I was a binge eater for 14 years and it was a struggle. It also gives me so much compassion and understanding to be able to help people now. And so it's like, I see that. And that has been my one prayer for like the last several years is like, God turn this pain into something good. can like help me to use this for something good to help other people break through their pain and their suffering. ⁓ That would make mine feel so much better of like, can I do something meaningful and worthwhile?

Darla Ridilla (59:51)
Yeah, you made me flash to a client that and this is why I do what I do because I understand narcissistic abuse and recovery and how it affects and how it affects us and what that involves and validating something in a client and her crying and saying, I'm not crazy. This is so validating. Like those are the moments like I touched somebody's life. It was worth it. I won't like you said, I don't want to go back and do that again. But

That was why I had to go through that, not only for my own healing, because I was on the wrong path myself. I needed to change. But I can turn that painful experience into something good and help somebody else through it. And maybe they won't have to go through as much. Maybe they could get to get a shortcut through me, you know? Yeah.

Jillian Scott (1:00:26)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, but it's scary sometimes like to own it, to own your story, your version of the story, your truth and ⁓ to recognize like not everybody is gonna agree with you and that's okay. And I think one of the biggest things for me has been the willingness to feel misunderstood. And I fought that a lot in my marriage. I just wanted him to understand and I felt like he rarely did.

Darla Ridilla (1:00:48)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

That's okay.

Mm-hmm.

Jillian Scott (1:01:08)
now out of the marriage too, I realized like, wow, there's still this desire to feel understood. And it's like, okay, can I drop the rope and be willing to feel misunderstood and to still like own what I have to say?

Darla Ridilla (1:01:22)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, 100%. This has been a great, great conversation. I've really enjoyed it. I'm so glad you were here. And so if someone wants to work with you or just look into more on what you do, how can they find you?

Jillian Scott (1:01:30)
Yes, me too. Thank you.

Yeah, so great place to get started is on the website. It's bodyyoucrave.com. You can also listen to my podcast called Hungry for Love because so often that is truly what we are hungry and starved for is that love, praise, attention, validation, and learning how to meet that need for ourselves. And then you can come find me on Instagram and I'm at Jillian Amadea. And so that's a great place to connect. You can send me a message.

me what you liked about this episode or you know, feel free to argue with me or throw out a yeah, but but what about, you know, and, and yeah, those are all great places to, to connect and to learn more.

Darla Ridilla (1:02:16)
Fantastic, and we'll put it in the show notes as well so folks can find it easily.

Jillian Scott (1:02:20)
Wonderful. Thank you. But yeah, this was so great. Thank you so much for having me.

Darla Ridilla (1:02:23)
Yeah.

Oh, it was a pleasure. Absolutely. I tell my listeners, you have the power.

Darla Ridilla (1:02:32)
Thank you for listening to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom and real connection. If you're a high achieving woman who looks like she's got it all together, but behind closed doors you feel dismissed, depleted or stuck in cycles that no longer serve you, know this, you're not too much, you are just then accepting too little. Every episode is your space to unpack the real reasons powerful women stay stuck and how to create relationships that feel safe, honest and fully aligned.

without sacrificing your fire. If today's episode hit home, share it, subscribe, leave a review and send it to another woman who's ready to stop performing and start leading. Want to go deeper? Check the show notes for the links to connect with me or take the next step in your journey. I'd love to hear what resonated for you. Keep tuning in because you have the power to stop shrinking, speak your truth and rebuild your relationships from radical self-trust.

And I'm right here walking this road with you.