69: Breaking the Mom Guilt Myth - Trauma, Comparison, and the Pressure to Be “Everything” With Jaime Weatherholt

In this opening episode of The Magnetic Mother: Rewriting the Story of Womanhood series, I sit down with licensed mental health therapist Jaime Weatherholt for a radically honest, emotionally grounded conversation about the silent weight almost every woman carries: mom guilt — not the surface-level version we laugh off, but the deep internal tug-of-war that keeps so many high-achieving women feeling like they’re always falling short. 

Jaime specializes in helping women heal trauma through EMDR, brain spotting, and powerful mind–body integration. Together, we dismantle the myth that you must choose between being the mother you want to be and the woman you’re becoming. Jaime reveals how trauma, attachment wounds, childhood modeling, and generational patterns create an unconscious blueprint that tells women they have to pick a side — be the perfect mother or pursue their purpose — and how that “either/or” pressure fuels self-abandonment, shame, and comparison. 

We explore what happens when your nervous system is carrying old stories, when you’re parenting from inherited patterns instead of aligned presence, and why so many women feel torn between what they know and what they feel in their bodies. You’ll hear how to hold dual realities — devotion to your child and devotion to yourself — without collapsing into guilt. We discuss the evolution of parenting, the overwhelm of conflicting advice, and the emotional exhaustion women face when they’re expected to be everything to everyone. 

If you’ve ever whispered, “I should be doing more,” or felt that quiet ache in your chest that says something is still missing, this episode brings you back to Presence, reconnects you to your Agency, and opens the door to Empowerment — so you can mother, lead, and love from truth instead of pressure.

Connect with Jaime Weatherholt:

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Connect with Darla Ridilla:

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Transcript

Jaime Weatherholt (00:00)
And so EMDR and brain spotting will help you that negative belief and the emotion that's connected to it. So you can think about, okay, I do have to go to work and

I know I'm still a good mom. I know that I still get to come home or have my weekends or have these special moments with my kiddo. It's kind of learning to hold space for those two realities. I do have to work overtime this week and I'm a good mom, right? Because mom guilt tricks you into believing that it's either or, right? You're either going to be a great employee and you're

your kids are neglected, or you're quitting your job and you're with your kids 100%. And so mom guilt tricks you into thinking, well, take a side. And EMDR and brain spotting are a beautiful tool to get you to hold space for those dual realities.

Darla Ridilla (00:57)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom, and real connection. I'm Darla Ridilla a somatic trauma-informed relationship coach for high achieving women who are done shrinking and ready to live life fully expressed. If you've done the healing work, you've set the boundaries, reclaimed your worth, and yet your connections still don't feel magnetic, you're not broken. You're just ready for your next evolution. This podcast is your guide.

through the magnetic connections pathway from presence to agency to empowerment. So you can create relationships that feel like home. Each episode brings bold truths, somatic tools and embodied strategies to help you stop over giving, stand in your power and connect from your deepest truth. Because you're not here to be chosen, you are here to choose from your power, your presence.

and your truth. Let's begin with today's topic.

Darla Ridilla (02:02)
Hello everyone. I'm so excited that we have another guest today and we are going to be talking about something that isn't always discussed and that's going to be mom guilt and how that plays into ⁓ women in our lives. So I'm so excited. So let me introduce our guest today. So Jamie is a licensed mental health therapist, certified hypnotherapist and owner of enlightened counseling and healing LLC in Omaha, Nebraska. Clients come to her.

to heal trauma ranging from childhood or generational trauma, racial trauma, and attachment or adoption issues. She utilizes mind-body healing modalities, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing or EMDR, brain spotting.

and hypnosis, along with incorporating alternative practices, such as past life regression and dream interpretation. She is the host of The Strength Show, a podcast that focuses on mind, body and spiritual healing. Jamie features conversations with guests, including mental wellness experts and spiritual healers, along with appearances by her husband to discuss family life and random topics.

I'm so excited to have Jamie today because I was on her podcast last year and now we get the opportunity to have her on mine and there are so many directions this could go. I'm also trained in brain spotting. I got that training in September and I have done EMDR so I'm familiar with how it works and it was very successful for me as well. But Jamie, first of all, let me just welcome you. Welcome to You Have the Power.

Jaime Weatherholt (03:46)
course. Thank you so much for having me and it's so good to see you again.

Darla Ridilla (03:50)
It is, I'm so excited to see you as well. And you know, I'm gonna just dive right in. You know, I mentioned mom guilt a little while ago. It's something that many women just really silently carry. It's something we often don't talk about. Maybe we don't even realize it. And with your work with women, what is the most common root of this guilt? Especially when we see women who basically appear to have it all from the outside.

but then they feel like they're failing at home.

Jaime Weatherholt (04:19)
Absolutely. I think there are so many common factors or common traits that I see with moms who come to see me. A lot of it is just, it's this comparison game and it's this internal battle that it turns into of, you know, this is what I see other moms doing or what I see maybe just society like on social media doing.

And then on top of that, we're comparing it to our own childhood. So, ⁓ I remember how that felt as a kid. So I want to make sure I don't or do the same or different based off of my own lived experience. So it really is this internal tug of war that I see moms having where they're just at the root of it, never feeling good enough, you know, and something is just lacking.

on their side.

Darla Ridilla (05:17)
Yeah, you know, I was a working mom. I was an executive assistant for many years. And some of those jobs required a lot of my time and effort actually. Now, and now my my opinion of it now too much because I had to like put my my daughter aside at times for work. I worked really long hours and that was difficult to navigate.

So let me ask how to unresolve trauma patterns, whether they're generational, their childhood or their attachment based, how did they actually show up and how we parent or we carry guilt? And why do you think that this awareness is so important?

Jaime Weatherholt (05:56)
man, layers here Darla. ⁓ So I think a lot of it can come from like if we're going to talk childhood trauma or even generational trauma, you know, we could backpedal it to our parents typically are trying to raise us whether it's the same way that they were raised or differently, right? I think in general, that's what parents are always trying to do.

Darla Ridilla (05:59)
Yeah.

Jaime Weatherholt (06:24)
most of the time we could say parents are always trying to either take what they had and grow or take what they had and you know do the same thing because they thought that was pretty good. I liked that. And so then as children you know we're growing up consuming all of this

feedback of, okay, this is what mom's doing, this is what dad's doing, or any significant adult in my life, you know, this is how they're treating me. So then fast forward to adulthood, I think our default way of thinking is going to be the way in which we were raised. And it's not to say that we don't have critical thinking skills and we're not capable of thinking outside of the box and doing differently. But, you know, that initial blueprint

foundation of our lives is going to be what we're going to copy and carry throughout our parenting. ⁓ Now, we're going to try and heal some of that. Like I said, some people are like, ⁓ I know for sure I was raised this way and I don't want to do that to my kiddo. And other people are like, I don't know any better. You know, maybe no one has taught me along the way to parent differently. And so I think

That is how, you know, just generationally speaking, this mom guilt can keep getting passed down or just from our childhood. And depending on how much or how little trauma we've experienced, that can make an impact in how we're parenting.

Darla Ridilla (08:02)
Yeah, absolutely. You know, I was thinking about my own experiences with my parents and then how I passed down generational trauma to my daughter and now she's a mother. there for me, I thought, ⁓ I don't like the way mom and dad did this, you A, B and C. But then what I did is made my own mistakes. I was so focused on being a good parent. And I was only dealing with like what I had.

But there are so many changes to not just psychologically, but I know that I've had conversations about how, you know, my generation was let them cry it out, let them be alone in the room. And now we know about attachment styles that creates that creates, ⁓ you know, whether it's the avoidant attachment style or the or the the anxious attachment style. Now we know that I didn't I let her cry it out. She's not doing that.

Jaime Weatherholt (08:40)
Yes.

Oh my gosh, right. But then even what you're sharing right there, I think promotes that mom guilt of, my gosh, I now know I shouldn't let my kid cry it out. However, I am not emotionally regulated and I can't go back in there. So now I am emotionally going crazy and I feel like I'm failing as a mother because

Darla Ridilla (08:59)
You

Jaime Weatherholt (09:26)
I'm letting my kid cry it out for like the next five minutes, right? And so sometimes I think that's what's happening to moms today is, you know, research is starting to evolve in how we're parenting. Like the past 10 years, I think parenting has changed, let alone the past like 20 years and then generationally speaking, right? And so I think sometimes even the new waves of ⁓ research and what we know about parenting or

quote unquote, the right way or the best way, sometimes messes with moms and they still are feeling like a failure. Does that make sense?

Darla Ridilla (10:03)
Yeah,

that makes so much sense. I think that that happens a lot because there's so much information. And then in those moments, like when she was crying it out, or when you're not, you are so emotionally drained. You don't know what the right thing is. Like, am I doing the right thing? Am I not doing the right thing? Am I being a good mom?

Yeah.

Jaime Weatherholt (10:27)
And it's just so confusing, know, depending on what you Google, there's 19 different options. And so depending on the day, depending on the website, it's hard to know. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (10:40)
I know you work with past life regression and dream and dream interpretation. Do you think that some of that also kind of plays into the, you know, not only the mom guilt, but also healing the mom guilt dealing with that?

Jaime Weatherholt (10:54)
Well, maybe just to preface, to paint a picture. So with past life regression therapy, it's integrating hypnosis and talking to your soul or your subconscious memory. And you're diving into another lifetime. So theoretically, people are getting this service if you believe in past lives, if you believe in the idea of karma. And so

a lot of what people, especially because I do get parents who come in and they're like, I wonder if my kiddo was in a past life or if my mom and dad were in a past life. people come in with that curiosity of, you know, what's going on within my own generation of this life, but in another lifetime, right? And, and the idea with past life regression and with karma is, is our soul is

It's simply trying to expand. It's simply trying to understand both sides of the pendulum. So for instance, sometimes like my daughter, so I'm a mom and if I have a daughter, then maybe in her past life, she was my mom and I was her daughter. And it was perhaps for our soul to understand the perspective of, this is what it's like to be a mom. ⁓ this is what it's like to be a daughter.

but by you, right? By this role reversal, this role switch, right? And so I think with past life regression, what lessons parents are learning is understanding, you know, maybe a different perspective because, you know, in this lifetime with my current memory and with my current experiences, I'm only going to be looking at my kiddo from my current lived experience.

However, when we go into a past life and I have, like for an example, I had a client come in and they were like, they went into a past life. They didn't have any kids in this past life, but they were the owner of a store and this kiddo, ⁓ basically they kind of adopted the kid in, not in a literal way, but the kid was homeless and would like always come by and then

Darla Ridilla (12:43)
Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (13:12)
Eventually the owner was like, let me just give you a job, like kind of like a mentor system. And then eventually as they continued to grow and as this kiddo became a teenager, they, you know, they ended up as they kept growing, taking over the store. And so this, this client and then this kiddo in the past life, you know, we're talking and I'm like, is this child familiar to you in some way?

And the client was like, my gosh, this is my son in this lifetime. And so, so emotional and they were realizing, you know, the amount of maybe emotional support that they were providing that child in the past life. And, you know, they were living a life of I'm kind of your mentor, you know, I'm kind of just here helping you out. You're not my kid in a literal sense, but like I'm trying to

helping you out in this way, they were realizing, oh, wow, I actually think I'm quite hard on my son in this life. And so perhaps if I took a little bit of that mindset of that perspective and applied it to my present relationship with my son, how much deeper our relationship could get. So it was a beautiful way for that one client to get just a tiny shift in perspective.

Darla Ridilla (14:26)
Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (14:40)
in how they could deepen their relationship because, you know, their memory, their soul's memory remembered. But in this lifetime, they were so focused on like, nope, you're my son. This is how I treat you. And so it just was opening the door, if you will, to a different perspective.

Darla Ridilla (15:01)
I love that. I definitely believe in reincarnation and past life. And in fact, some experiences, difficulties I've had in letting some things go have led me to believe that there is something holding me back because I've been with this person before. I had someone once tell me that we reincarnate with about 100 same people. Have you heard anything like that? Or do you have an opinion on that?

Jaime Weatherholt (15:26)
I think, depending on what I've read or heard, I hear so many varying things. I think the theme is ⁓ people who are in our lives, like in this lifetime, for instance, we more than likely have been in a past life with that person. And a lot of times you end up kind of finding the same group.

So I think the number varies between so many things. ⁓ I've also like read a variety of things that have described there. It's just a, it's a mixture, I suppose, of people who've had many past lives and people who've had few past lives. And so just the level of kind of your soul's depth, ⁓ you know, the idea again of like, often have we come back? Where as a collective, I think we're all still learning, you know, it's all still.

It's still like a young reincarnation time. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (16:28)
Yeah, that makes sense. I was working when I worked when I lived in Denver, I was I was working with a woman who not only was a licensed therapist, but she was also trained in Reiki and Corona. And she was telling me while she was working with me, I was doing some cord cutting with my ex husband, who was a narcissist. And she said, you've been with him before. What's interesting is I had not told her just right, like shortly before that I'd had this dream.

And I knew it took place in the 50s because you remember those old Formica tables that were in the kitchen with the metal around it. And it was him. And I thought it was just a dream. And he was being very nasty to me. It was kind of like that Ozzie and Harriet show. I'm cooking breakfast or whatever. And he's at the table. And she's like, oh, no, this is you've been with him many times before. But it's the first life where you actually stood up to him and said no more.

Jaime Weatherholt (17:03)
Yes. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (17:24)
And I was like, oh my God, I had this dream. I can't. Yeah. So it was, it was validation for everything that was going on and it was pretty interesting. And, um, I, it's interesting how we meet people and then have you ever done this? Like you meet someone and you're like, God, I feel like I've known you my whole life. This happened with a coworker once, a boss and.

Jaime Weatherholt (17:28)
No way. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (17:53)
Now that I understand reincarnation a little bit better, I think, oh, I bet you we were together before. And while she's no longer in my life and I haven't been able to relocate her, there she played an important role. She was with me when my daughter was born. We were very close at the time. Yeah, it's pretty, yeah, it's pretty fascinating how that works.

Jaime Weatherholt (18:01)
now.

Yeah.

Love that, yeah, I totally have that happen. I've told my friends this, I have like two of my best friends when we would see each other in passing, I remember telling myself, I'm gonna be their best friend. And then I remember thinking, that's so weird. how do you know that? It's like two ships passing, right? And then time goes on and then we eventually became best friends.

And so they are of the same mindset of me too, like, you know, past lives and everything happens for a reason kind of thing. So we just giggle about it because it's quite funny. And then actually with my husband, I tell him this because it's quite funny. Whenever I was dating him, I always would like, you know, get like psychic readings or intuitive readings.

And in general, was more like, in general, am I on the right path? Not necessarily with my love life, love life was in there, but maybe my career or just what I'm doing in the moment. And it's funny because whenever they're like, are you in a relationship? And I'm like, yeah, I'm dating someone. And the first thing they would always say, they would say, he will never cheat on you. And I would always say, that's literally not why I'm here, but OK, thank you.

You know, because that's zero concern, not on my radar. But then I would more be like, are we like, are we meant to be together? Like, tell me more, because that's not really what my concern was. So fast forward to doing past life regressions myself and doing just more like spiritual healing myself in many of our past lives that my husband and I have been together. has cheated on me a lot in the past lives.

And so I think it makes me laugh because in this lifetime, I know for 100 % fact that is not on the table and that is, like I said, zero concern. I would kind of stop at the psychics who would say that. But I wonder if on a spiritual level, the psychics are like, just so you know, like you're good. Other lifetimes, maybe not so good. And so.

I just found that fascinating because I only got that clarity in the past life sessions where I was like, ⁓ our relationships were not very good in the past, but look at us now. again, it's like our soul is getting to learn the experience of this is what it was like when things were not going so great. And this is what it's like when things are going great. You know, just like with yours, it's like you got to learn the experience of

not standing up to your ex and then in this lifetime you get to experience what it is like to stand up to him. So just fascinating.

Darla Ridilla (21:16)
It is. you know, in the last relationship that I was in that ended in November, ⁓ I was only in it for a very short time. And now I tend to be an all in or all out kind of person anyway. And I'm really working on that when I start dating again. I became quite invested, quite quick. And that hadn't happened for a while. And it's just this past weekend, I went camping and I do this, I try to go every few weeks and I turn my phone off for three days and just

journal, listen, do nothing. And I finally came to the point where I'm like, I'm ready to let this go. It was a two and a half month relationship, we're seven months out, why am I still grieving? And I've had this inclination that we were together before. And I don't know that the whole logistics of that, but something tells me because he felt so familiar and so comfortable so fast. And finally, this weekend, I'm just like,

Jaime Weatherholt (22:01)
Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (22:14)
Regardless of the reason I'm good, my lesson is stop investing so fast. If it feels like you're really connecting, take a step back and be okay. And whatever happened in the past, or bad, that was the lesson in this lifetime. It was kind of like this catalyst of, it's kind of like the third narcissist I had two years ago. He was, even though it wasn't the most painful, it was kind of like, what the heck is going on with me?

Jaime Weatherholt (22:32)
Yes.

Darla Ridilla (22:44)
why am I doing this? And then last year I dated two guys that I think were avoidance. And it was like, okay, graduation, step up. But the damage was the same because the behavior is the same, the intent is different. But to get back more to the moms and the guilt, know, what have you seen with like, maybe their dreams, maybe they're having dreams that are helping them that are actually showing them and processing.

Jaime Weatherholt (22:49)
you

Yeah, I think a lot of times with dreams, there's several layers with dreams, like, there's spiritual directions and all the symbolism with it. However, with this particular topic, I look at dreams more on the mental health side, which is the reason we dream every day, theoretically, we should be getting our REM sleep every night, right? And when we dream, it's to process or to digest our previous day's emotions.

So I can wake up feeling refreshed, recovered, and ready to take on the day. I can remember what happened yesterday, but I emotionally feel neutral, right? I don't feel good or bad. I can remember that I was, let's say, sad, that I had that argument, or that I, you know, maybe I yelled at my kid and I feel sad, but I can recall it I can feel neutral because I dreamed about it, I digested it, it was fine.

I tell my clients that your sleep is very reflective of your daytime. So if you're getting restful sleep, if you're getting maybe stressful dreams or dreams that are just emotionally very intense, then I'll ask what's going on in your daytime that feels similar. Not that symbols, I don't wanna know like if the same images are happening.

but if the emotions are happening in your waking life. And a lot of times that's when they'll say, ⁓ yeah, you know, I got that same emotion when, know, if I, ⁓ like I was struggling with my kiddo and we just, like they weren't listening and I was struggling managing my emotions or, you know, they were having a temper tantrum and I didn't know how to manage that. And I felt so frustrated or powerless. And the dream may have had nothing to do with their kiddo.

but the emotional component was, yes, very frustrated, very powerless. So in that way, that's how I'll have clients talk to me about their dreams affecting, or just, I guess, nearing some of that mom guilt in their waking life.

Darla Ridilla (25:22)
you know, I've been in times of my life where I didn't feel heard or seen. And then I would have, and these are frequent dreams where either I'm in physical danger or I'm trying to stand up for myself and the words won't come out. Like I'm literally trying to yell and there's no volume to my voice. Yeah, it's a definite connection for sure to not being heard.

Jaime Weatherholt (25:43)
well, I was totally thinking when you shared that, that when that happens, I think even again, as moms, it's like you're maybe your voice isn't getting heard. ⁓ You know, in the family dynamic, like you, some of the mom guilt can come up of I can't do it all by myself. And you're trying to let's say like, ask your spouse or partner for help, or

you know, you're asking for flexibility from work and you're just not getting listened to. So absolutely, I've heard of parents having similar dreams like that when some of these cases come up.

Darla Ridilla (26:21)
Do you see a lot of it, not just with with moms that are that have children at home, but once they're empty nesters, and they're actually parents of adult children, have you have they also come to you with some of that guilt of the past?

Jaime Weatherholt (26:35)
Oh, yes, absolutely. have, it makes me think of, have a few clients where they're like, I am learning so much and realizing I may have messed up. And their kids are like adults and getting married, you know, or having kids themselves. And so their grandparents. And I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. There's just so much knowledge available. You know, the internet is great for that, pros and cons. And that,

that's helping parents of all ages to learn just a different perspective of how they're affecting their kiddos' lives. And I think, you know, like with empty nesters, there's that additional component of parents realizing, I now realize I don't really know myself very well because I was so in mom mode that I need to learn how do I get to know myself

and parent my child, but my child's an adult now. So you have to kind of shift and change those boundaries because the needs of an adult child are certainly different than a minor child. And again, I still have moms coming up with mom guilt because they are still treating their adult child as if they're a little child.

Darla Ridilla (28:01)
Yeah, when my daughter turned 18, it was a shift that was still difficult sometimes and she's in her mid 30s now. But okay, my work is done. She's an legal adult. I can say things, but I no longer have the right to tell her what to do to dictate her life. And as an adult, sometimes I see things like, oh gosh, I wouldn't do it that way. But I try to keep my mouth shut.

And particularly to her dad too. I'm really careful what I say about her dad, because we've been divorced for a long time. And even as an adult, don't like, if she says something, I'll be like, gosh, I'm so sorry. And then the internal dialogue is like, shut up. Don't say it. Be quiet. She's an adult. ⁓ yeah, it's interesting. And especially now that

Jaime Weatherholt (28:48)
Yeah

Darla Ridilla (28:58)
while I'm trying to navigate that generational trauma that I did create with her and trying to work that out and walking the line. Also too, because I'm a coach, I caught myself the other day, she was going through something and she confided in me and like I had to walk that fine line of, let's be a mom and support, but let's not be her coach. Also, I had to walk that line of don't ask too many questions.

Jaime Weatherholt (29:12)
Thank

Darla Ridilla (29:28)
Yeah.

Jaime Weatherholt (29:30)
my gosh, that is so

true. That is so true. I had a client that made me think of a client and they were talking about with their also adult child and they were realizing they were treating their adult child like a coach, cause they also were a coach and they're like, my gosh. They're like, they just wanted, ⁓ well, the line that this client was describing was they're like, I was treating them like a coach and they wanted a mom.

Darla Ridilla (29:35)
Have you?

Yeah.

Jaime Weatherholt (29:59)
But then as a mom, they were struggling because they're like, I wanted to fix it. And my kid just wanted a safe space to vent. And so this mom was even learning, I don't even know what my kid wants. They instinctually want to fix it because they're looking at them like they're a small child. They're a grown adult. And then their next default is their profession, which happens to be a coach. And so they're like, my gosh.

I can't get out of this mindset. And so it was the same thing. It's just this dance, I think of what role am I playing? What does my kid need me to be right now? And can I manage all of these different hats that I'm always wearing? Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (30:44)
Mm You know, something that just popped into my head right now is maybe next time that happens saying to her, are you just looking to, you know, to kind of let the pressure valve off? Or do are you looking for some advice? Maybe I'll give her the choice. What is it you want from me right now? That way I can best meet it and not overstep my own bounds.

Jaime Weatherholt (31:04)
My gosh, so good. Yes, absolutely.

Darla Ridilla (31:09)
If something in today's episode stirred something awake in you, if you've done the work, but something still feels missing, this is your moment to come home to yourself. You're not asking for too much. You simply outgrown the patterns that no longer fit the woman that you've become. And you don't need another mindset shift. You need embodiment.

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That's the bridge my coaching offers. And it begins with a free call, a space to get clear on what's keeping you stuck and what it looks like to lead from your truth instead of your old story. No pressure, no performance, just resonance, clarity, and your next aligned step. You are in the right place and you're closer than you think. Go to High Value Woman.

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Darla Ridilla (32:45)
Yeah. You know, in these situations, whether you have children at home or you are an empty nester, what have you found has been really beneficial? I, you know, I said that I understand what brain spotting is, and, and I've done EMDR as well. How has that helped people?

Jaime Weatherholt (33:01)
Yes.

yes. So EMDR and brain spotting, they're like sisters. They're very similar, but they're just a little bit different from each other, right? So with both of these modalities, you're processing emotions and memories together. So kind of going back to what I was saying about REM sleep, we want to feel neutral. ⁓ What happens is people, we carry emotions through

several experiences and they tend to just get bigger and bigger if we leave them unprocessed. Enter EMDR and brain spotting, we process the emotions. So I'm no longer carrying them over and over again, right? Every day. So EMDR and brain spotting are great because if we're gonna talk about like straight up just mom guilt, like I just feel mom guilt that going back to like your example, like I have to go to work every day.

And I'm in a really busy season right now. So my hours are very long and I'm feeling like, and this is where I honestly kind of, I'm like, have to figure out what is it that is bringing up for you? I feel like a failure. I feel like a bad parent. I feel out of control. Maybe it's something completely different that I'm even listening off, but with EMDR and brain spotting will help.

determine what that is, right? Like, why is this bothering you so much? We've identified you're feeling guilty, but like, what's the core belief that's fueling that emotion too? And so EMDR and brain spotting will help you move through that negative belief and the emotion that's connected to it. So you can think about, okay, I do have to go to work and

I know I'm still a good mom. I know that I still get to come home or have my weekends or have these special moments with my kiddo. It's kind of learning to hold space for those two realities. I do have to work overtime this week and I'm a good mom, right? Because mom guilt tricks you into believing that it's either or, right? You're either going to be a great employee and you're

your kids are neglected, or you're quitting your job and you're with your kids 100%. And so mom guilt tricks you into thinking, well, take a side. And EMDR and brain spotting are a beautiful tool to get you to hold space for those dual realities. Does that make sense?

Darla Ridilla (35:46)
It makes perfect sense. There's a couple things that popped in my head. First of all, I was just realizing, we know what this is, but I was going to explain my perception of what they are and we'll see if I'm right. So EMDR, when I did it, there's different modalities of it, but ⁓ I put on headphones and I had paddles. And so I was simultaneously in different sides, hearing sounds and vibration in my palms. And then therapist asked me questions and then I processed whatever it is.

Jaime Weatherholt (36:00)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (36:16)
And how she explained it in layman's terms was basically you have trauma and it's been filed improperly. And so what we're going to do is put it in the right file so it's less traumatizing or less triggering. You won't forget it, but it'll be less triggering. And so your eyes, I heard also too, it's a form of EMDR kind of like when we walk because our eyes are going back and forth and our body is moving. And like I pulled out my,

pointer for brain spotting and it's not telescoped right now, but with brain spotting, we're looking instead of having it be multiple stimulation, it's one point, whether we have the person choose it or or they you know, there's different forms of that too. But this was did I get it right?

Jaime Weatherholt (36:54)
Yes.

Yeah, that's perfect. That's spot on. The buzzers that you did or the audio that you did, that is the bilateral stimulation. So it mimics REM sleep. And that's also EMDR, the eye movement. That's what the ⁓ stands for, the eye movement part. Because when it originated EMDR, it was initially used with eye movements.

Darla Ridilla (37:10)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (37:30)
And then through brain scans, through CAT scans, MRIs, they were able to see that it didn't matter if it was eye movement, if it was tactile, you know, the buzzers in each hand, or if it was audio, right, the music in your ears. So it still lit up the parts of the brain that need to quote unquote talk to each other, meaning the logical side gets to talk to the emotional side. And when that dialogue happens,

easier for you to move through the memory or the trauma and it no longer feel as intense or you know you're you're no longer carrying it around or just like your therapist that it's filed away in the correct spot

Darla Ridilla (38:18)
And so when you talked about, you know, this dual thing, I think there is this misconception that we're good or bad. We have to be all in on one side or the other. What I've witnessed is that women who are either working want a career, but then they feel the guilt of wanting the career, but then they go home full time. And then they feel like they totally lose a piece of themselves. Then there's that resentment.

There is their guilt to a feeling like, I should want to be a full time mom. Have you found that one technique EMDR brain spotting one works better than the other or is it just dependent on the person?

Jaime Weatherholt (38:55)
I think it depends on the person. think similar to how we all learn differently, some people are audio, visual, tactile learners. I think healing is the same way. You know, just like you have probably experienced, like if you were trained in EMDR or you were trained in brain spotting, that means you practiced, you know, got it done to you, right? And EMDR, if you were a client of EMDR, so you see and probably have felt the difference yourself.

Darla Ridilla (39:16)
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

Jaime Weatherholt (39:24)
And even though they're similar, they both have to do with your processing and emotion, but you're just doing it differently. EMDR is doing bilateral stimulation. Brain spotting is only one spot is the focal point, right? ⁓ And so they're so similar, it's just slightly different. It's just adjusted. And so that's what I think is great is depending on the person,

Darla Ridilla (39:41)
Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (39:53)
There's a modality for you. You just have to be willing to figure out what the right fit is.

Darla Ridilla (39:59)
I know even just with brain spotting. So when I did the training, it was we did a combination of instruction and then we had the students we practiced on each other. We actually watched the instructor as well demonstrate. And so there was a couple of different techniques. Like one of them was the person moved their eyes back and forth with the pointer. And then we saw where there was a tick like a body tick. And then we would then

Jaime Weatherholt (40:09)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (40:26)
What was really uncomfortable for me is a lot of there was a lot of silence. Let them just react where the technique I liked is when I picked the spot, I looked at it like I look up into the right, which I'm doing right now because I'm thinking I picked the spot and then I just verbally vomited and said anything I wanted. And that was my comfort zone.

Jaime Weatherholt (40:34)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (40:49)
So to switch gears, ⁓ you also work with adoption related trauma and identity issues as well. Do you want to share a little bit about that? Yeah.

Jaime Weatherholt (40:59)
Yeah, absolutely. So I'm partial to the population because I'm an adoptee myself. And so because of that, ⁓ my lived experience and then meeting a lot of adoptees in the community, I started to pick up on a lot of different nuances and traits that adoptees go through. And there tends to be just a layer of ⁓

You know, everybody you go through that moment in your teenage, young adult years, maybe older adult years where you're learning who you are and you're figuring out your identity. The theme that I see in adoptees is it's almost like there's an extra hurdle of learning who you are because there is a literal missing piece of you. know, your biological family is not the family that raised you. And so

⁓ In my case too, I was transracial adoptee. So that means I was raised by another family of a different race. And so then there was the component of I lost an entire heritage and an entire language and culture. so there's just elements of grief and loss with that in, again, finding myself and figuring out who I am. And so I think, I mean, even to weave it back into mom guilt, I think it

I see themes with adoptees or people who maybe weren't even a significant part maybe of like their birth parents life. When they become parents, there's that added layer of, gosh, I have to figure out who I am as a parent and I have no resource to turn to. Like I remember telling my husband, was a lot of the...

like ⁓ pregnancy apps and things, they're like, ask your mom these questions to get an idea of what your pregnancy or birth will be like, because it tends to be similar. And I'm like, well, that's, you know, it's generic. So of course, they're going to put that on an app or something. But I'm like, that's too bad. Like, that's another layer of something that I don't get to experience, you know? And so then when I become a parent, I

⁓ I've had adoptee friends too kind of say it's that that period of when Like myself as an adoptee was born and then arrived to my adopted family ⁓ For me there was five months. And so I was like there is no Documentation of me really existing until I was five months old, you know And so I'm like this is wild to have this my first biological family

And I have no frame of reference for this period of my life, but I'm looking at a part of me who has that. And so I think sometimes there's an element of like, ⁓ maybe guilt isn't the right one, but there's just emotions, ⁓ layers of emotions for adoptees and kind of figuring out and navigating that stage of parenthood and that stage of reflecting back on, you know,

where do they belong in this new role of a parent? ⁓ Does that make sense?

Darla Ridilla (44:35)
would almost think too, as a parent, it would be difficult because you didn't have that heritage to pass on to your next generation. And when you I don't know, because I was not adopted. But ⁓ I would correct me if I'm wrong, ⁓ maybe to because there's that gap. And there's once again, there's a duality, there's the parents you were raised with, but there's also where you came from, which is so important.

Jaime Weatherholt (45:02)
Yeah. ⁓

Darla Ridilla (45:02)
I

can't imagine actually what that's like to navigate that. Is it kind of like being two people?

Jaime Weatherholt (45:10)
You know, I guess I'm not sure. I've heard from different adoptees. There's just different experiences or thoughts that come up where ⁓ for the theme that I hear from several adoptees, it's almost like some people are almost in like ⁓ a dissociative state, just very light, nothing too intense, but like almost a light dissociative state when either they're pregnant

and or those beginning chunks of time when their child is born. And it is just because there is a disconnection from themselves because there is no record and there is no information about that chunk of their life. And so I think that can add on to, you know, just parenthood in general. And you know how stressful the beginning stages of

of parenthood can certainly be. And so when you get those waves of emotions on top of this very light level of dissociation, you know, it could certainly breed itself into just feeling like, again, I'm not good enough or I'm doing something wrong or, you know, maybe I'm not being a good mom to this child. And so isn't that just a great breeding ground for the mom guilt that's gonna come?

know, spiraling in as the kiddo keeps growing too. And so, so that are, that is a few of the themes that I certainly see just specific to this population. But obviously, I mean, it could happen to so many other moms in general too. It just tends to be a theme. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (46:39)
Mm-hmm.

And you may have already said this, but you know, how do you navigate that when you come across that kind of disassociation? How do you help women through that?

Jaime Weatherholt (47:03)
Yeah, well, there is, that's where we plug back into, you know, EMDR brain spotting and try to integrate some of these processing forms of therapy, these processing modalities that exist because, you know, we need to get you back in your body, first of all, so you can be your most present self. And there is that processing of,

kind of the adoption itself and the attachment itself and getting the adult to find a connection back to themselves, you know? And probably a connection to like their, the ⁓ version of them that was with maybe their birth family or was pre-adoption, that age and stage of life. It's like, if we can integrate that with the grownup

client who's sitting right in front of me, then I think it's easier to be grounded and be back in your body. Because honestly, that's what dissociation is, you know, like something is so overstimulating, or so overwhelming, you're, you're kind of out of your head and out of your body, you know, you're kind of in a haze, or you're kind of in a daydream. And so I need to get you back in there. But

Darla Ridilla (48:24)
Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (48:31)
If the source of the problem is this disconnect from this version of you that you don't know, well, I'm going to need you to connect to that version of you because whether you have, you know, maybe physical records or not, you did used to be a newborn that was with a birth mom and a birth dad, you know, you did used to be a child before you were adopted. And if I could get my client to connect to that version of them.

you know, and to have some sort of grounding instability in those stages and phases of life, that typically helps people through that dissociation.

Darla Ridilla (49:01)
Mm-hmm.

Would you say too that ⁓ there's also a level of self-forgiveness as well that kind of plays a part in moving through that?

Jaime Weatherholt (49:24)
Yeah, absolutely. Because that self-forgiveness, I think what holds people back from that self-forgiveness is a lot of those negative beliefs. Going back to those examples I said for the mom guilt, like, I'm not good enough, I'm not a good mom. For that one, for adoption related things, it could certainly be like, I'm unlovable, something's wrong with me. That circles back to abandonment.

And again, think of if that's the foundation of your life, like through a maybe young age and stage of your life, you adopted this belief about yourself. And of course, fast forward to being a parent. And when you're nothing but humbled by children and somebody who is a replica of you, then of course, negative belief is just going to be magnified. And so moving through that with

EMDR or with brain spotting with just the help of others to get you through those emotions. Yeah, I think that's very necessary.

Darla Ridilla (50:30)
Well, as we wrap up, is there anything else that I haven't asked you that you do want to share?

Jaime Weatherholt (50:37)
think what I will say is circling back to just mom guilt as a whole. What I like to ask my clients to get them when they're feeling like the worst parent ever, or they're stuck in these yucky feelings. I like to ask parents, when you were pregnant or when your baby

Darla Ridilla (50:43)
Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (51:02)
was newborn and they were little and you were just holding them, let's say, how often did you daydream? And just imagine what it would be like for your kid to not pick up their mess, to have you repeatedly ask them to put their shoes on and they never listen to you until you yell at them, to talk back to you.

to throw a tantrum in the middle of a store, you know? How often did you just imagine, can't wait for this? This is gonna be so fun. And then when they're a teenager, they're gonna say they hate me. And then they're gonna say that all of their friends' parents do this and say that I'm the worst. How often do you just dream about that? Because I'm assuming most parents

only plan for the best children. They're like, ⁓ I can't wait for these family traditions that we're going to do at Christmas or this special meal that I'm going to share with my kids because it was my favorite. And my kids are going to listen because I've already read the book, you know, and I know the gentle parenting way. And it's just a way to remind you that just because you didn't plan

for the bad and it's happening doesn't mean it's a reflection of you. I think mom guilt has wrapped around this unrealistic expectation that we have about parenthood. And if we can just give ourselves permission to know that parenthood is truly going back to what said at the beginning, we are just trying to do a good job. I think as a collective, most parents on average are just trying

to do a little bit better than what we had with the new information that we have. And if we can just say that we've done that every day, you know, then I think we're doing it. And it's okay to let go of these unrealistic expectations that maybe that naive version of you was daydreaming about before you knew any better.

Darla Ridilla (53:23)
I love that. have to say that it's on a different level that I'm a new dog mom. I have a dog that I've had her for two months. so while it's not a child, it's my version of it at my stage in my life. But I had this soul dog for 10 years and he suddenly died in March right after I moved. he was very...

Jaime Weatherholt (53:37)
It's still the same. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (53:49)
very easy. He was very low maintenance. He was very well behaved. He was always happy. And then I get this dog who she's great in many ways, but she's challenging and she's very willful and she's been acting out and I'm meeting with a with a dog trainer on Saturday, but I've had moments of, I'm going to take you back to the shelter because you're not like Goliath.

Jaime Weatherholt (54:16)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (54:18)
And then I had to remember,

Jaime Weatherholt (54:18)
Yes!

Darla Ridilla (54:19)
she's no, she's not like Goliath. She's her own person. And have I forgotten while Goliath had a different disposition, he also had a lot of health issues. He would make messes over the entire house while I was at work. So there's an adjustment of stop with the whole fantasy of getting a new dog.

means a perfect life. And I think kids are like that too. We have this vision of it's going to be like it's on TV and it's going to be wonderful and perfect. And it's not.

Jaime Weatherholt (54:46)
Yes.

Yes,

exactly, exactly. And so I think just recognizing maybe we set our own standards so unrealistically high and it's just giving you permission to say, it's okay to let go of some of these daydreams that we had. It doesn't mean that letting go of them means you're a bad parent. It just means just like you are learning as a dog mom, you're like, I'm starting to see this one for who

Darla Ridilla (54:57)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Jaime Weatherholt (55:23)
for who they are versus who I thought they would be, you know, or comparing them to another, right? Like you compare them to your past dog. Yeah, so easy to do.

Darla Ridilla (55:34)
Yeah.

Well, this has been a great conversation. If someone wants to work with you, we will put it into show notes, but also where can they find you?

Jaime Weatherholt (55:44)
Yeah, absolutely. I can be there for all your past life regression needs and hypnosis anywhere. And then therapy wise, it's only specific to my license, which is Nebraska and Illinois. So my website is enlightenedomaha.com on all the socials. It's at enlightenedomaha. And my podcast is on all the socials at the Shrink Show podcast.

Darla Ridilla (56:13)
And I highly recommend the podcast, not just because I've been on it, but just because it's a great podcast. I love it. I so enjoy. ⁓ I do. thank you. was a pleasure myself. You know, it's been great to catch up. It's like I said before we went on camera, I think it's been almost a year and I've loved having you. It's kind of fun. We're switching roles, but thank you so much again for coming on.

Jaime Weatherholt (56:19)
you're so sweet. Yes, I love having you on it.

Dad!

No.

Yes, thank you so much for having me. It was my pleasure.

Darla Ridilla (56:44)
It really was. And to my listeners, you have the power.

Darla Ridilla (56:50)
Thank you for listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection.

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